Work Text:
Olivia Benson slumped back into her black leather chair. Feeling it mold & curve to all the aching screaming parts of her back & hips. Her eyes closed, as her hands came up to massage the back of her neck. The New York SVU office was eerily quiet for a Friday night which she was exceedingly grateful for after a day filled with misery. It had been one hell of a week. In reality the last year & a half had been one giant storm cloud.
She had spent years trying to fashion a life without Elliot, or at least one in which he didn’t feel like an aching chasm that would never be filled. She had learned to live with his shadow looming, learned to accept no man could replace him. But as quickly as he had left, his presence came back in like a frazzled wounded Bull- all strength, passion & fury. She spent the last year & a half not only dealing with her own personal & professional struggles, but his. Holding it all together herself, again. Shoving down years of ache, pain, anger, fury, longing, missing, & all the other tangled emotions she didn’t know how to define, let alone untangle.
Those emotions lay alone in the dark recess of her mind screaming to be seen & heard. But if Olivia Benson was being honest with herself, it’s something she has had to do since the day she was born & took breathe. Aloneness, always fighting, has been a lifelong survival technique. The war between the aching hurt & the desire to be loved by him, it never stopped its assault. She both longed & feared the what ifs of him.
There were things they needed to discuss but they continued to walk on this taunt tight rope that at any moment was threatening to snap. She resented him for not asking about her life but felt relief in the same breath every time he walked away without so much as a ‘how are you?”
Most would call that selfishness, but she knew the realities of what it was. Fear of all the ‘what ifs’, opening that can of worms. If they waded in, could they ever hope to find their way back out again unscathed, intact? At the moment, they were just enjoying being near each other again but if she opened up this decaying mass, she knew those peaceful times of living in the delusion of what they had been will be over the minute they started being honest.
A soft thud on her office door brought her back to the hear & now. Looking up between her fingers Elliot Stabler stood with a dark shadow hovering over his features. Liv Signed.
“Elliot, I thought you had gone home? Its late…”
He hesitated for a moment then walked slowly into her office sitting without so much as a sound. He took her in for a moment- silence was not something they had ever feared, it never threatened. It settled in, their eyes reading.
“Nah… your still here…. I guess after what happened today I just wanted to check in on you… I knew you’d still be here.”
Olivia rubbed the back of her neck willing the pain & stiffness to ease. She shifted forward placing both elbows on her desk. A half smile spreading that never quite made it to her eyes.
“I guess you still know me partner.”
They both shared a knowing look between the two of them. Things had changed, but somehow when they were in the same room it felt like 11 years ago for a moment. Like they could forget he ever left. But he did leave & they were different. They were both stuck in what was & the vast unknown.
Liv broke eye contact first.
“I just never thought it would go down like this, that so many cops would be involved. I know we did the right thing & in the same breath it feels like a…”
“Betrayal…” Elliot finished for her, a glint of shame coming to the surface.
Elliot nodded- silence stretching out again.
Over the course of several months the OC Unit & SVU had been working on a crooked cop organization, one in which boundaries were blurred. Elliot the man who saw most things as black & white was wading yet again into dangerous waters. It had gone as far as Frank naming his child after Elliot & ending his own life in front of him. For weeks she could see how heavily it weighed upon him. He brushed it off, but he was not as good at hiding things as he used to be. He was softer, more vulnerable lately & honestly it was a welcome change from the man she knew for 12 years prior.
She had gone with him to remove the brotherhood tattoo, saw the torment, the mix of emotions. He had reached out to her that night. Stating he didn’t want to go alone. At times he seemed like a lost boy, grappling his way through the dark. On their way home his hand had found hers in the dark solitude of the SUV. His rough hands caressing her fingers, her knuckles. Their touch grounding the other. As intimate as it was for them, neither acknowledged it. The next day, it was work as usual.
“It’s one thing to go after perps we know are evil, who are guilty. But your fellow cops, knowing the hardships we face- it doesn’t feel as cut & dry, you know? Do you think there is going to be a huge fallout from Chief McGrath being arrested?”
Liv scoffed, rubbing her hands over her face, shaking her head, the idea of it still shocked her. She never liked him, but the fact he was part of the brotherhood, she never would have expected.
“To be honest I don’t know. I never liked the man, he could be a hard ass, insensitive to victims, he just didn’t get it half the time. In review today I did express my concern & frustration with the way Chief Garland was let go. I feel it’s only right to look into what happened & help him get his job back- what they put him through though. I can’t blame him if he turns down the job even if they offer it back to him. But to have an alley back in this office… I’ll fight to ensure he at least gets justice for what they did to him.”
Elliot simply nodded.
“I never really got to know Garland but from what you told me he seems like a good man, a good cop- no one deserves what happened to him.”
Olivia’s eyes were fire, strength.
“He is more than a good man & we need more like him on the force!”
They sat in silence a bit longer, there was really nothing else to say. They were both talked out when it came to this case, exhausted really. Elliot stood. Playing with the back of the office chair.
“Umm… I know things have been tough… doesn’t leave much room for talking.”
Liv nodded wearily… “No it doesn’t…”
“I know your exhausted but… Can I drive you home Liv?”
She signed, getting up slowly, feeling like every part of her ached.
“Elliot, I don’t need a ride. I can take a cab home. It’s out of your way. How many days has it been since you spent time with Eli?”
Elliot’s eyes squinted. Her first concern was always the kids.
“We are doing ok, Liv. Is Noah with Lucy?”
Liv slowly tucked weeks of paperwork into her bag, the thought of spending a weekend working on it made her feel even more tired.
“No, he went camping with a friend, he will not be home till Sunday afternoon.”
Elliot walked over, grabbing Liv’s bag.
“Ok… let’s get you home then.”
She looked at him exasperated, but before she could utter another word of protest he was headed for the door, then the elevator. She followed slowly behind him.
They both stepped into the elevator they had shared hundreds of times over their 12 years together on the job but things between them were different now.
“You know I am not fully an old woman yet I can carry my own bag.”
She grumbled without looking at him. From the corner of her eye she could see a small half grin grace his face.
“Well, it’s like you said, I am stubborn so what are you gonna do?”
Looking over she feigned irritation, only to smile to herself at the callback to their second year together ‘Blink the lights when you get up.’
The drive to her place was a short one, quiet. Traffic was near non-existent at this time of night. But instead of pulling into the street he pulled into her parking ramp.
“I thought you were just dropping me off…”
He placed the car into park, looking straight ahead for a beat. He cleared his throat.
“I thought I would walk you up… I don’t know maybe have a beer or a cup of coffee.”
She could see his need but all she could think was how exhausted she was. She longed for a hot shower, some Advil, Takeout, a glass of wine, & her cool cotton sheets. But he was & will always be her weakness. When all she wanted was to protest the other part yearned for the reminder he was here, his presence was real. Without a word she reached for the door handle & they both made their way to her fourth-floor apartment.
Elliot had only been to her place a hand full of times since he arrived at her door dosed & high almost a year ago now. As Liv placed the key in the lock a twinge of embarrassment crept up, what had he been thinking. Not to mention the letter he left her sitting with for over 6 months. He shook his head as they walked into the sanctuary of Olivia Bensons apartment. All that defined her assaulted his senses.
“What?”
Elliot set her bag down & removed his shoes. He stood staring at her. Dark rings lining the bottoms of her eyes, her shoulders slummed forward.
“Nothing really… just thinking. Hey… why don’t you shower. I can order some take out. Open a few bottles of beer.”
Liv turned; the conversation stopped for the moment.
“Yeah ok… but open a bottle of wine instead, it’s in the pantry. And ask for a few extra fortune cookies… Noah loves them.”
Elliot heard the water to her shower turn on. It felt so intimate to be allowed into her space again. A few years ago, sitting in his Italian home he fought the need daily to see her, the longing to hear her voice & everyday looking over at his wife of over 40 years feeling hollow. Shame & guilt was something he had come to live with over time. But her… missing her never got any easier. Now here he was- all he ever longed for within his grasp- while in the same breath felt a lifetime away.
He felt her presence long before he heard her. Her warm scent hovering all around him. Her hair was placed in a wet messy bun on the top of her head. She wore a light pink T shirt that hung off her shoulder with a black pair of leggings that hugged every curve. His eyes roamed her body.
Looking up finally, Olivia’s eyebrows shot up. He had been caught looking. Elliot smiled, shrugging.
“What… Your beautiful… you have always been beautiful Liv.”
She stood there, her feet planted in place. Those were not words she had ever heard him utter to her. Yeah, she always knew he was attracted to her, but saying it out loud was different.
Elliot shifted on the couch, clearing his throat again.
“Was that ok… to say I mean?”
There was that taunt tight rope again. Stretched beyond its capacity. Her head fell, a small hint of pink playing out across her face.
“Yeah… its ok… just didn’t expect it is all. I mean how many times have you seen me like this over the years?”
Elliot stood, as he grabbed the bottle of wine to uncork it.
“Well… just because I never said it didn’t mean I didn’t think it.”
Liv stood transfixed in the middle of here living room. Blinking in shock at his frankness.
“The food should be here soon, I’d say about 10 mins or so.”
She moved closer to the kitchen grabbing two plates & some silver wear. His comments had unsettled her- & right now all she wanted was to turn her mind off, not into overdrive. There was a million ways she could take that comment but instead she opted to drown it out with her first sip of wine.
“You want some?”
He was close, his presence comforting & unnerving at the same time. He smiled.
“Nah… I’ll get a headache this late. I’ll have a few beers if that is ok.”
Olivia nodded her head in the direction of the fridge.
“Help yourself partner.”
After the food was eaten, one glass of wine & one bottle of beer between them gone- a comforting silence settled. Elliot busied himself cleaning up the two dishes used. She eyed the back of his head feeling a small twinge of courage.
“So…”
He parroted her.
“So…”
She smiled. Her hair now fully dry fell in soft curls around her face.
“After all that happened why is it you wanted to hang out tonight, everything ok?”
Elliot turned around to study her, drying his hands off on a towel.
“Do I have to have a reason for wanting to spend time with you?”
That she had not been expecting.
“Well, I just… I just thought… no you don’t.”
Elliot nodded.
“Look… to be fair I have been worried about you is all.”
Liv set her wine glass down, filling it up again.
“Since when?”
It came out before she could stop it, think about the repercussions. She could feel the impending snap of the tight rope.
“What? What does that mean?”
She took a few sips before responding.
“It’s exactly what it sounds like. You have yet to ask me one thing about myself since you have come back, not one.”
Elliot bobbed from one leg then the other, not knowing what to do with his hands. Her eyes bore bravely into his not wavering this time.
“I just… Liv… I didn’t…”
Liv stood up tossing the napkins into the garbage bin.
“Look Elliot we don’t need to do this right now… to be honest I don’t want to do this right now. We are both exhausted.”
When she turned around, there he was, in her space, so close her back was pressed into the kitchen island. His eyes were torment, anguish, & fire. His mouth moved but no words came out.
“You don’t think I wanted to ask? How many times the words came but it felt like the wrong place or wrong time! I left you, for 10 years. I hurt you…”
His hands were pushed into his own chest. He let his words sink in. She didn’t move away from him, she simply nodded.
“Yes… Yes you did Elliot…”
His words came out in a near whisper.
“I felt I had no right… I just didn’t… I hurt you…”
She could see him scrabbling, battling with his own mind to form the right words.
“I don’t know where to start… I feel no matter what I do I can never make up for… all of it. And Liv… I’m afraid what I hoped for you over those 10 years was not actually your experience… and then what?”
The anger she had felt moments ago slowly faded. He had a way of doing that lately. She signed, her head falling, a curtain of hair her only protection.
“I know… & if I am being fair, I dreaded you asking. It feels like a mountain you don’t know where to begin climbing.”
Elliot let out a desperate breath.
“YES!”
Without thinking Elliot reached out to tuck one end of her hair behind her ear. His fingers lingering where her neck met her ear lobe. His vision transfixed on where his fingers met her skin. The reality of touching her.
“I finally got you back Liv… I was scared I’d just fuck it up again.”
In a voice above a whisper, she uttered.
“Well… maybe by not talking we are risking fucking it up.”
Elliot’s eyes slipped shut. His hand falling to his side.
“You're right… so… what do we do Liv? I’m the one who made this mess… I don’t want to ask something you’re not ready to answer. I don’t want to push.”
Olivia walked around him, needing some distance to clear her head. She couldn’t think clearly when he was touching her. She took a few more sips of wine, reaching into the fridge she grabbed him another beer.
She shrugged.
“How did we do this before? We just start talking, I guess. If I am not ready for something I’ll tell you.”
Elliot grabbed the beer, his fingers brushing hers for a moment.
“Ok… But to be honest Liv we have never been… HERE… before. This is not like before.”
Their eyes connected, she knew what he meant, they both did. Her chin quivered.
“I know…”
She reached over to his first empty beer bottle. Pulling the paper free from the glass. Anything to have as a distraction.
“Liv…”
Elliot’s voice had taken on a different tone. Causing a jolt of fear & excitement. She looked up into his ocean blues, hints of wetness beginning to rim the outline of his lids.
“You gotta know how hard it was for me to leave, it may not feel like it but I felt I was doing the right thing at the time. But it didn’t make it any less… hard!”
Hard was an understatement. Hard didn’t do justice to the anguish he had felt. He had gone off the rails for years almost loosing himself & his family in the process. He felt untethered without her.
The anger was back… she could feel it coming up in small bursts.
“I don’t know actually. To me it seemed pretty damn easy. You were all I had, the only family I had every known. The only person I let anywhere near…”
Her voice cracked. El made a move to lessen the distance, but her hand shot up. He looked at her helpless. His hand grabbed hold of the lip of the kitchen island, holding tight to something.
“I know Liv.”
She looked at him a mix of anguish & fury.
“Do you! Do you really! Because I didn’t even know who I was without you. I didn’t know if I wanted to know. And I hated you for that! I was left with nothing, while you left with a wife & a family! As if I was nothing, disposable. As if we had not devoted 12 years…”
Her throat closed from grief; her chin quivered of its own accord. Two steady streams traveled down her pinkened cheeks. Elliot took one step forward, setting his beer on the island. Weariness lining his features.
“You're right Liv, I don’t know. I don’t know fully what it was like for you, how deeply I hurt you with the choice I made on my own.”
She stood there like a broken child as a torrent of indefinable emotions began to take over, she no longer felt like the independent strong Olivia Benson everyone expected her to be- the woman she expected herself to be.
“Why?”
The word came out like a strangled whisper. Elliot took a few more steps forward. But he made no move to touch her, not yet.
“Liv, I know you don’t want to her this but that is a complicated answer.”
His eyes were pleading, torn, broken.
“Well, I need you to try… I can’t stay in this place anymore Elliot… in this place between what we were & who we could be… I just can’t anymore. I can’t be who you need me to be. I am not the same cop, I am not the same person, I am not the same… woman you left behind.”
To him she was all he remembered & more… but he also saw it. There was a weightiness to her now, something he got glimpses of but couldn’t quite define or put his finger on. She was different, but how & why, he didn’t know.
“Ok Liv… I just. It’s a lot I guess…”
She grabbed her wine glass & made her way to the couch. He followed close behind her. They both sat, staring straight ahead.
Liv pulled a pillow into her lap… something to hold onto.
“Look its late, we both know we can’t unpack this all tonight… so just cover the basics… and the rest we will get to… later.”
He looked up at her, some hope flicker within his eyes.
“Okay…”
She nodded.
“Just start after the shooting.”
Elliot took two swigs of his beer, setting it down on a coaster.
“Well… you & I know most cops don’t make it in SVU long. I never shared this but the job had begun… to take its toll you know. Nightmares, sleeplessness… I was snapping at the kids, I was distant.”
She nodded sadly.
“I do know… but what I don’t understand is we had always been able to talk about it before. For months I reached out to you Elliot, leaving voicemails until the day I heard the phone was deactivated. We had always worked through these things together but you chose to walk away.”
Their eyes connected. The hurt & pain was something he didn’t know if he could ever get used to seeing in her, a hurt & a pain he put there, he caused.
“I know Liv…. I knew if we talked, seeing you, I would have never been able to walk away. The desire to keep you safe, to see you happy. Can I ask you something? Do you really think we could have been ok… as just people or friends or whatever if I had been able to walk away from SVU?”
Liv slammed her hand into the pillow.
“Dammit Elliot, That’s not fair! What am I some wilted flower you didn’t think could handle herself if you left SVU? I can make decisions for myself!”
Elliot’s head hung.
“I know you can handle yourself Liv. But we both worried about the other, that’s just the reality. And that’s not what I am saying Liv… I just know me… I know us.”
The part of her that thought having this conversation tonight was a good idea was slowly dissipating into utter regret.
“I thought we were best friends Elliot, I thought we were… I don’t know family. So yeah, I thought we could be something outside of the job. We had navigated difficult times before.”
Elliot nodded.
“Yes, we had but… my feelings… had changed. Things between us had changed.”
Liv looked up a mix of fear & anger propelling her up from the couch. Looming over him.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He could see her defensiveness. A territory they never dared travel into before. He looked up at her sadly.
“You know what it means. I think it’s something we both battled for far longer than we care to admit to ourselves.”
She stared at him, her eyes wide.
“I would have never broken up your family nor would I have let you!”
Liv moved back towards the kitchen dropping her empty glass into the sink watching it shatter upon impact.
“DAMMIT!”
Elliot moved to help…
“Liv let me…”
She pushed him back.
“I can handle this just fine myself thank you. I have been handling things myself just fine this whole time.”
She slowly collected the broken pieces onto a towel. Her body trembling. There were just too many thoughts & emotions vying to be released at the same time & she was just too damn tired.
She felt his presence behind her, closing the distance, his lips hovering over her ear. Simultaneously she yearned to press into him & kick his ass at the same time.
“Liv… leaving nearly killed me. I looked at the mess I had made of my family. I was watching you settle for me & the job. I knew you would never accept me leaving my family. I had to give my family a shot… I wanted to give you a chance without me.”
Olivia dropped the towel full of broken glass into the sink. It fell with a muddled clang. Her head fell forward.
“Dammit Elliot…”
He signed, his breath fanning hot against the side of her neck.
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I was too tired to fight IAB. But when I left… not having you. I lost it. I started doing the one thing I said I would never do; I began drinking heavily. Took a few jobs until Kathy finally gave me an ultimatum. I was becoming to Eli just like my father was to me. I was fucking it all up Liv.”
She could hear the emotion in his voice, the tears she could feel but not see. Elliot moved closer, his hands coming to rest on her sides, his back pressed into hers.
“We moved to Italy to get a fresh start but… I think she always knew Liv. She always knew where I had left… my heart. I was with her in body, but the rest of me was left here… with you.”
The tight rope snapped clean in two with such force she could feel it reverberating through every cell in her body. Their shared anguish holding them both together. A moan she didn’t recognize left her lips as tears spilled free.
Elliot moved closer placing his face in the crook of her neck, burying is nose in her hair. Breathing her in. Tears falling against her exposed shoulder. Liv clung to the side of the sink pushing her back farther into him.
“I never asked anything from you Elliot… I never…”
He reached up, slowly removing her tight grip on the stainless-steel sink. Turning her around to face him. Her hair was wildly sticking to her red face as tears continued to fall. Her eyes firmly closed, her face set in a painful grimace. This was the raw vulnerable broken Olivia he longed to see, to love, to hold. To offer a safe haven.
Gently he pushed the wet tangled hair from her face. He leaned down to rest his forehead upon hers. They both breathed each other in for a time. Her hands came to rest on the board expanse of his chest.
“I know Liv… but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to give it… to give you everything. And if I couldn’t give it, to see someone give you all you deserved.”
Without thinking, through the haze of exhaustion & grief she uttered.
“I didn’t want it from anyone else Elliot…no matter how much I tried… they weren’t you.”
Fuck the shame… she was so tired of wrestling with her want & guilt, so damn tired.
Elliot swallowed thickly pulling her snugly to him. Wrapping her up, longing to pull her inside. To heal it all & make it right. He felt her breath hitch as tears began to wet his blue t-shirt. His hands gently mapped out the length of her spine, the softness of the skin of her arms, traveling into her hair massaging the taunt muscles of her aching neck. Hoping his touch was soothing some of the pain.
Eventually she sagged into him, all fight & strength gone. All pretense of the Olivia Benson everyone expected an afterthought for the moment. She just wanted to stay here, in this place. The one place she had felt safety, home.
Her face had taken up residence under his chin.
“Please… don’t hurt me again Elliot… I can’t.”
Elliot let out a strangled breath.
“If it takes me the rest of my life… no matter where we decide to go from here… I will do everything in my power to heal ever wound I created! I’ll never leave you… I can’t Liv.”
He slowly trailed soft kisses in her hair, forehead, her eyes, the tears that has stained her skin raw. She rubbed her nose along his jawline & made its way to the larger expanse of the bridge of his nose, breathing in his air. Nothing felt like enough. Without thought, on pure need alone he moved the small distance, his lips slowly ghosted over her.
Liv sucked in a sharp breath her hands roaming up his chest, stroking the stubbed skin of his jaw. Their eyes remained tightly closed. When she didn’t move away, he leaned in again. Allowing his lips to caress over hers with the slightest of pressure & without hesitation she reciprocated. A deep sigh escaping them both at the same time. A jolt of electricity started in him & ran its way through her.
His hands delved into her hair, her face angled in just so, his lips found hers again. Gentle, not demanding, simply a need to give & speak what he couldn’t. Liv pushed into him with more pressure before slowly pulling free.
The wetness of their lips leaving a small sound that reverberated in the silence around them when they parted.
“Elliot…”
Her tone was a mix between want & warning. He moved away from the temptation that was her mouth, leaning down to nuzzle into the bare skin of her shoulder. His lips tracing soft patterns. She shivered pulling him down closer into her. Both marveling in the need to touch & be touched.
With whatever clarity remained Liv pulled back just enough for their eyes to finally meet. They were both raw, exposed, vulnerable. A mix of too many emotions left unattended to for too long. Their eyes red, their cheeks tear stained & pink. This was not the Benson & Stabler of long ago, but now the Elliot & Olivia that could be. The could be that was worth the effort & work.
Their eyes slowly scanned each other, taking their time. Not afraid of their proximity or the need to touch. Elliot leaned down to rest his forehead into hers again. He just wanted her close even for a moment longer.
“I’m sorry if I… if I pushed… or crossed a line.”
Liv reached up placing a finger on his lips. Tenderly running her thumbs over the top, then the bottom lip. Their eyes met again & he could see it there. Her want for him.
“If I didn’t want it… I would have stopped you.”
Elliot nodded… a small drunk half smile tugging as his lips easing the pain etched upon his features.
“Okay… “
She looked down smoothing her hands over his chest. Willing herself to put a little distance between them.
“But… I need us to take this slow… do this right. I won’t rush into anything with you Elliot… there is too much at stake.”
Elliot reached over, allowing his hand to travel down her arm, and lace his hands with hers. Their fingers moving, caressing. They both looked down at the connection, hypnotized by the freedom to touch & be touched. It was becoming like an addiction, a need.
“Agreed. So… Where do we go from here?”
She looked up at him, hopeful, their hands still joined. Still tracing light patterns. She was flustered.
“I… I don’t know. Maybe it’s just as simply as spending time, outside of work.”
He nodded. Elliot felt a deep warmth spread through his chest. He would never get used to a flustered Liv because of him. This tight laced, strong, independent woman turning to a puddle under his touch. He smiled at her, his hands coming up to trace along the curve of her jaw. Moving the wild hair free of her face again. Just an excuse to touch her, any excuse.
“We could… set up a time. One or two times a week to meet up, just talk… about whatever.”
Her eyes slowly blinked, looking at him through hooded eye lids. Willing her brain to function with him gently caressing her skin. She swallowed, clearing her throat.
“Things… Things have been hectic lately… busy. But I think I… we could make that work. But for now, could it just be you & I… Noah… I just…”
Elliot cupped the side of her face, pulling her a little closer again.
“I get it Liv…”
They both nodded before she walked willingly back into his arms. He pulled her close pressing a small kiss to the top of her head.
“Ok… I should go… let you rest.”
She nodded her head but still choosing not to disengage with him yet. Her eyes slipped shut savoring the feel of him for a few more moments. She squeezed.
“Ok…”
“Ok…” He parroted back.
He peered down at her, nervousness seeping its way back in. They were heading into unknown territory. His lips pressed together; shoulders shrugged.
“Do you… maybe we could start tomorrow. Meet at your favorite ice cream place, go for a walk. The paper work can wait a few hours. That is if it’s still your favorite Ice Cream place.”
Her head fell as she played with the material of her pink sweater.
“It is…”
A smile crept along his face, as he nodded.
“Good…”
Elliot headed towards her door. She bumped her shoulder into his.
“BUT… my favorite Chinese place has changed.”
Standing in her doorway he paused.
“Who are you & what have you done with Olivia Benson?”
They both laughed, a welcome break in the tension.
“Hey I swore Han Dynasty would forever be my first love, until I had Mr. Chang’s food- & now he has my heart.”
He smiled.
“Well this sounds serious… I must experience the new takeout that has your heart.’
Without thinking she stated… “Ok… it’s a date then.”
As soon as it left her mouth she sputtered.
“I mean… I just mean…”
Elliot smiled… yeah he would never get sick of flustered Olivia. He stepped closer, lacing his hand with hers.
“Hey Liv… I understood you.”
Her face flushed red as she nodded.
“Pick you up at 2 tomorrow.”
She nodded again. He squeezed her hand, their eyes doing a slow dance before he pulled away. Making his way down the hall.
After he left Liv stood in the entry way of her apartment for several moments, trying to process what had just occurred. She could still feel his hands on her. She had both longed & dreaded this moment. Now that the first step had passed it felt like… relief… progress… finally. That tight rope was no longer strung.
She padded in a haze to the kitchen sink. Picking up the remnants of broken glass & discarding them into the trash. Her phone pinged.
“Hey…”
She smiled.
“Hey back…”
Bubbles.
“Don’t forget to drink water before bed, you will get a headache from the wine.”
Damn him, he still knew her, at least the important parts. The rest they will get to eventually.
“Ok maybe you know me still... a little bit.”
He responded back with a laughing emoji.
“Just a little bit… sure… ok… Hey..”
She watched the bubbles waiting for the rest of his thought.
“Thanks for not kicking my ass… kissing you was…”
Her face flushed hot again… for a moment remembering the feel of him on her. It had not been all passion, heat, tongue & fury as she imagined it would be. But it was exactly what they needed it to be. A promise of things that could be. A reminder to them both- there has always been more there... so much more & its worth stepping into unknown terrain to discover it.
“I know Elliot.”
No bubbles appeared.
“Text me when you get home.”
She reached into the fridge grabbing a bottle of water. She moved slowly through her apartment. Feeling somehow lighter but no less exhausted. She placed the extra fortune cookies in Noah's room with a note for when he came home.
She climbed into her bed feeling the cool cotton slide against her skin. Her eyes instinctively closing. She downed two Advil & drank half the bottle of water.
Her cell phone pinged on the bedside table.
“Home safe… get some sleep… see you tomorrow.”
She smiled to herself. Running her fingers over his message. Yeah… he was finally really home.
“Goodnight Elliot.”
Bubbles.
“Night Liv.”
One step… one step at a time.