Chapter Text
Many people thought Hawkins, Indiana was cursed. Random teens would go missing and after the Starcourt Mall burned down, killing a few townspeople like the Sheriff, this sentiment felt even more true. To help some of the children with processing all of this, Hawkins High hired a counselor, Ms. Kelley. Everyone at the school had to meet Ms. Kelley at least once. Some would end up meeting with her multiple times throughout the year. Chrissy Cunningham was one of these students despite telling Ms. Kelley that everything was fine many times. Chrissy didn’t tell anyone about their meetings. Chrissy didn’t want anyone to worry about her. She also didn’t want the target on her back from seeing a counselor, she knew her own friends thought anyone who saw the counselor regularly were weird.
They would meet around lunch; Chrissy didn’t really like being in the cafeteria anyway. Jason always wanted her there though saying that it was the only time to hang out during the busy school days. She thought it was sweet but being there made it harder to hide her secret. He would sometimes notice she was just picking at a salad that seemed mostly unneatened. The basketball team would sometimes call her “bunny” or “bun” because they noticed how often she brought carrot sticks or celery. She laughed about it with them and all the other girls from cheer thought it was cute. On the surface it would all seem normal, even perfect. That’s how Chrissy wanted everything to be, perfect. That’s why she went to the cafeteria with Jason, to be the perfect girlfriend. Even though she hated being there. She hated seeing everyone there just eating and seeming to not care about how much they ate or the fact that everyone could see them eat. Chrissy hated the idea of people seeing her eat. She felt such shame when she ate because she could almost feel herself gaining weight as she did. She knew that sounded crazy but for her it was true. Chrissy wanted, no needed, the perfect body. But no matter what she did she always felt fat. Chrissy knew Ms. Kelley had figured this out about her, even though she would always tell Ms. Kelley it wasn’t that serious.
At least Chrissy used to think it wasn’t serious. Until the nightmares began happening. She had nightmares on and off since middle school, but these recent ones were strange, and they came every night. They felt so life like and they usually revolved around the same thing. When Chrissy was in seventh grade, she had bought this dress for a dance. The night of the dance she put it on in front of her mother and her mom said she looked a little fat in it. This crushed Chrissy causing her to rip the dress off and run into her bathroom crying. After several minutes as she was still sobbing her mother came to the door, she told Chrissy she hemmed the dress to fit her better. But she also added that it might’ve still fit if Chrissy hadn’t eaten all that food the day before at her best friend, Rachel’s, birthday party. Chrissy came out, put the dress back on and went to the dance but her mother’s words kept replaying in her head and did even now, into her senior year. She didn’t know why these nightmares replayed this moment like she didn’t already do this when awake. The thing that was really scaring her was the end of the dream. When she gets to the dance in the nightmare the crowd is everyone she knows, and they’re all disgusted by her and begin to laugh as she grotesquely expands in front of them. She wakes up in a cold sweat every time. She told Ms. Kelley about them. She was told this was a normal trauma response, but Chrissy was still beginning to feel at the end of her rope. She also began getting frequent headaches and nosebleeds which weren’t as easy to explain. She had one walking into school the day of the basketball championship game.
“Oh, Chrissy here take this,” Ms. Kelley came running towards her with tissues. She put them To Chrissy’s nose. Chrissy began looking all around her in a panic, not about her nose bleeding but because she didn’t want to make a scene where everyone would be looking at her.
“Ms. Kelley, I’m… I’m fine,” Chrissy said eventually grabbing the tissue away from the counselor, “really they’re not that bad.” Chrissy used the tissue to wipe her nose then quickly tossed it into a trash bin. Just as the tissue landed in the bin Jason walked up behind Chrissy and wrapped his arm around her neck.
“Nice shot babe I should tell coach to put you on the team as an alternate,” he said with a laugh and Chrissy forced a laugh with him. Jason looked at Chrissy and Ms. Kelley’s awkward and worried faces, “What’s wrong?” Ms. Kelley opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but Chrissy spoke first.
“Oh, I got a nosebleed and Ms. Kelley was just helping me with it. It’s fine though,” Chrissy laughed a little to show him it wasn’t a big deal.
“You sure babe?” Jason gave Chrissy a worried look. Chrissy hated those looks. She didn’t like people pitying her or feeling sorry for her, even her boyfriend. But Chrissy would never voice this feeling to anyone.
“Yeah, I think it’s just my allergies with spring coming in,” Chrissy said, “right Ms. Kelley?”
“Yes, well I guess-” Ms. Kelley began when Chrissy cut her off.
“Well, we should really get going Jason, the pep rally is for your basketball team, can’t really be late,” Chrissy began walking with Jason, “See you around Ms. Kelley!” She smiled back towards the counselor.
The pep rally went well. The cheer squad performed their standard routine, and everyone clapped for it like they usually did. Chrissy always felt there was room for improvement like she did with everything in her life but especially since becoming captain. But Chrissy never really voiced this to the others, not wanting to sound too mean or harsh. Jason gave one of his speeches, usually reserved for just the team and now the whole school was audience to one. He mentioned her and she blew him a kiss because she felt that was right even if she didn’t really want all that attention. After the pep rally the basketball and cheer team were given treats by some of the team members’ moms. Jason’s mom made brownies, a childhood favorite of Chrissy’s and a current weakness. She felt it would be rude not to at least eat one, but between everyone talking she absent mindedly ate two more.
“Wow Chris, I didn’t realize you liked brownies like that,” Jason said and he and a few of the guys laughed. Chrissy sheepishly looked up from the brownie she was eating.
“Oh, um yeah,” Chrissy licked her lips feeling slightly embarrassed and then looked at Jason’s mom, “you’re an amazing baker Mrs. Carver.”
“Thank you, sweetie,” Mrs. Carver said, “and Jason, dear, you should eat up yourself because I know they’re not just Chrissy’s favorite.”
“Yes mom, your brownies are the best,” Jason laughed with his mom and took one. At that moment the bell rang, and Chrissy kissed Jason goodbye and ran off, throwing the remains of her brownie in the trash.
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Chrissy felt shame the rest of the morning. She felt she lost control eating all those brownies and they now sat uncomfortably in her stomach like boulders. She also had a massive headache she couldn’t shake. She felt miserable and couldn’t focus in her third period English class with Mr. Reed. She began hearing whispers near her and when she looked over, she saw Eddie Munson handing something to Sally Turner from his black lunchbox.
“Thanks Eddie,” Sally whispered taking a bag of what Chrissy thought looked like Oregano.
“No problem doing business with you Sal,” Eddie joked back. Chrissy realized it wasn’t seasoning Eddie sold Sally and felt dumb for not realizing sooner. She heard rumors about Eddie selling weed from the guys on the basketball team. Chrissy was never interested in drinking or doing drugs, so she never really thought about the rumors much. But then as she sat there with a splitting headache and lacking sleep because of nightmares she thought that maybe weed was just what she needed.
At the beginning of lunch, Chrissy walked into Ms. Kelley’s office like she did every Friday. The brownies still sat in her stomach and her head was still pounding.
“How are you?” Ms. Kelley began.
“Fine, great even. The championship game is tonight, I’m really excited for the team, especially Jason of course.” Chrissy began wringing her hands thinking about what happened earlier that morning.
“Right, so I guess you haven’t told Jason about your recent issues, have you?” Ms. Kelley asked but already knew the answer.
“Well, no, I haven’t but I just don’t want to worry him,” Chrissy said, “he’s been busy with the team and finals are coming up along with graduation and all of these scouts coming to the games and I just didn’t think I had to pile on with things that may not even mean anything.”
“But Chrissy he’s your boyfriend, if he really loves you and you love him, he’s probably a good person to share these problems with. Telling people these things tend to help people feel better.”
“Are you saying I don’t love him,” Chrissy became defensive.
“No, of course not Chrissy. I just think that keeping it from him may end up making you feel more isolated, and I don’t want that for you,” Ms. Kelley went to put her hand over Chrissy’s which she was still wringing together. Chrissy reflexively pulled her hands away. She decided today was not the day for this conversation. She jumped up and quickly grabbed her bag.
“I’m sorry Ms. Kelley I forgot we had a last-minute cheer meeting for the game tonight,” she knew it was a bad lie, but she didn’t wait for Ms. Kelley to call her out on it as she made her way quickly out the room. As she walked out, she locked eyes with Max Mayfield. Max wasn’t hard to recognize because everyone had been to her brother’s funeral and seen her standing there with her parents. Chrissy always remembered how stoic Max looked and admired her for that, thinking she would never be able to be like that. Chrissy quickly looked away from her and made a beeline for the bathroom. She thought she would feel a little better without those brownies just sitting in her stomach. Chrissy no longer remembered when she started doing this, but it became almost routine. It helped her gain back control over food and her weight even if she still felt shame.
Chrissy still was leaning over the toilet when she heard someone come in. Usually, Chrissy would jump up and get out of there quickly, as to hide what she just did. But this time she just wanted to sit on the bathroom floor for a few minutes, even if it was dirty. She was hoping this person wouldn’t notice her.
“Hey, are you okay?” the person asked. Well, there went Chrissy’s hope.
“Yeah… yeah, I’m okay,” Chrissy answered but now softly crying unable to control her emotions, “can you just get out of here, I really want to be alone.” Chrissy doesn’t hear anything for a while until someone knocks on her stall.
“Don’t you understand what get out means?” she says thinking it’s still this person. She knows she’s being mean, but she was tired and didn’t want people at school to know she’s not really doing well.
“Chrissy, I loosened the dress,” the voice sounded like her mother. Chrissy’s blood ran cold, and she began to look around her. She was clearly sitting in a school bathroom stall, not her own bathroom, why was she hearing her mom’s voice?
“Mom?” she asked aloud. The voice continued saying Chrissy’s name and talking about a dress like in her nightmares but soon the voice began to change to something almost demonic and began aggressively banging on the stall door. Chrissy backed into the wall and began screaming and crying. The lights above her began to blink as well as the banging grew louder. But then, almost as quickly as it all started, it stopped. Everything grew quiet and all Chrissy could hear was her heartbeat in her ears. She got up and unlocked the door and looked around. She realized it must have all been in her head. She really felt like she was losing her mind.
Chrissy cleaned herself up to not show she was just sitting in a bathroom stall getting sick. She ran over to the cafeteria to meet up with Jason before classes started again. The bell rang marking the end of lunch and students began pouring out of the lunchroom. Chrissy began moving through the crowd to look for Jason when she saw Eddie Munson. He was talking to his friends very animatedly. Chrissy never really thought about Eddie. She felt he looked familiar but could never really place it. She knew many people thought he was weird, including Jason. Chrissy never thought she would talk to Eddie about anything except English homework, but after what just happened in the bathroom, she felt desperate. Eddie separated from his friends and Chrissy took it as an opportunity and walked toward him.
“Eddie!” Chrissy smiled and waved to him. Eddie gave her this look of shock.
“I’m sorry were you talking to me?” Eddie smiled then began looking around trying to see a person Chrissy would actually talk to.
“Uh, yeah of course,” Chrissy laughed.
“Hm, okay,” Eddie said, “what is it, Cunningham?” Chrissy thought being referred to by her last name was funny, no one ever referred to her by it not even her cheer coaches. She began wringing her hands again, she realized she didn’t know how to go about this.
“Well,” Chrissy got closer to Eddie so she could speak in a whisper, “The stuff you gave Sally, I was wondering if I could also…buy some?” Chrissy crinkled her face knowing she sounded silly.
“You mean you want,” Eddie looked at Chrissy then his lunchbox with realization, “Oh.” Chrissy shook her head in agreement.
“Well, we can’t do it here,” Eddie said, “for starters we’re in a crowded hallway and also your little boyfriend is already walking this way.” Chrissy turned to follow Eddie’s gaze and sure enough, Jason was making his way toward them, and he didn’t look happy. She clearly wasn’t thinking straight, she didn’t want Jason to know about any of this. He, and everyone else, had this idea of Chrissy as pure and perfect and she didn’t want that to change. But being perfect was starting to feel suffocating and she wanted relief from that.
“You know the woods behind the school,” Eddie said, and Chrissy nodded, “there’s a picnic bench in there. Meet me there before the game.” Eddie quickly walked away just as Jason made it to Chrissy.
“Hey baby,” Jason kissed Chrissy, “missed you during lunch.”
“Sorry, I forgot I had to hand in an assignment for Mr. Mercer’s class. You know how he can talk,” Chrissy lied.
“Yeah,” Jason looked at where Eddie had just stood then back at Chrissy, “why was the freak talking to you?”
“Oh,” Chrissy quickly came up with another lie, “he wanted to borrow some notes for Mr. Reed’s class, he’s apparently giving us a quiz when we get back from break.”
“Figures he would,” Jason scoffed, “you know, Chris, you don’t have to be nice to everyone, especially guys like him.”
“Aw, well you know, speaking of quizzes,” Chrissy tried changing the subject, “how was your quiz in Mrs. Randall’s today?”
“Oh man, Chris, it was brutal,” Jason began, “I mean you would’ve passed it of course but like there was this one question and I swear the graph was upside down!” Jason continued to rant about his quiz. Chrissy gave a sigh of relief, happy to no longer be talking about Eddie “the freak” Munson.
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Eddie ran into Mrs. Grant’s math class right as the bell rang. People gave him looks as he ran in. He was used to this, living in a small town made being a long-haired metal head a bit of a head turner. He went to his normal seat, in the very back, opened his notebook and at first tried taking notes but his mind inevitably wandered, and he started drawing in the margins. This was Eddie’s third time trying to graduate and he decided this year was finally his year and he began to actually try in his classes. It wasn’t that Eddie was dumb, he just didn’t focus on school. He was more into music and fantasy worlds, like the ones in Dungeons and Dragons. He was excited for the class to end so he could go to his Dungeons and Dragon’s club, Hellfire.
Eddie was drawing bats like the ones tattooed on his arm when a note landed on his desk. He looked around for the culprit, but everyone seemed focused on their quizzes and the board at the front. He unfolded the note, it read:
Got any grass?
Eddie looked up after reading it and saw Dan Miller look back at him from the left corner of the room. Eddie wrote “not today” on the note, threw it on the floor then used his foot to slide it to Dan. It was sort of a lie, he did have a bit left on him but since he already told Chrissy Cunningham he’d sell to her later he didn’t want to sell to anyone else, worried they’d buy it all before he met with Chrissy. He couldn’t believe he was saving weed for the Chrissy Cunningham. Eddie knew of Chrissy since middle school and he never expected a girl like her to ever have a conversation with him, much less buy drugs from him. She seemed so innocent, like she wouldn’t even say a curse word. He thought about telling her no, the whole thing seemed odd. He wondered if her boyfriend, Jason, was setting him up. She came up to him right after he made that joke in front of everyone about the basketball team being guys who threw balls in laundry baskets. Jason then called Eddie a freak, which Eddie thought wasn’t very original. It felt like too much of a coincidence and Eddie knew he should’ve told her no. But he needed the money, and he couldn’t see Chrissy doing something so mean even for her boyfriend. So, he told Chrissy he’d meet her before the Hellfire meeting.
A few minutes later the bell finally rang, and everyone quickly filed out the room to finally start their spring break plans. Eddie walked out the door and was soon followed by Dan.
“Are you serious Munson?” Dan said, “how do you not have any?”
“Yeah, Miller,” Eddie said still walking, “spring break is a busy time for this business.” This was true, Eddie always made more sales before a long break.
“What am I gonna do now, I told Mikey I’d get some for his party.”
“Sorry Dan got nothing for you,” Eddie said then slipped through a side door. He started making his way to the woods behind the school. Eddie still felt off about this deal with Chrissy. He had only ever spoke to Chrissy once before, in middle school. Before she was the queen of Hawkins high, and he was deemed the freak. It was a simple conversation; she had complimented his band’s performance at the talent show. He was shy back then and just complimented her on her cheer performance. It was that moment though that made him think that Chrissy could be different. She hung around real jerks like her boyfriend, she never was mean. Eddie would usually always see Chrissy with Jason, but in rare moments when she was alone, she was usually helping a student find their class or doing something school spirit related. He knew Chrissy was on the school council and she was always putting posters up for events or passing out fliers. She seemed so genuine compared to most people they went to school with which is why when Eddie saw her pleading eyes after lunch, he couldn’t tell her no. Even though it sounded like a terrible idea. He didn’t even think Chrissy had ever smoked before. He wouldn’t be shocked if she changed her mind and didn’t show. Though he was a little curious as to why she wanted weed in the first place. Eddie wasn’t a nosy person, but he couldn’t shake the way Chrissy looked. Her usual bubbly and warm demeanor seemed sapped of all its energy and light.
Eddie made it to the woods and walked through a harder to navigate area, full of thick bush and roots. Eddie liked secluded areas to do deals in for obvious reasons, but he never did it in this area of the woods before. He found this area when he was still just a freshman, and he would hide there when he ditched classes or to avoid bullies waiting for him on the usual paths out of the school. Throughout all those years he never saw anyone else nor any signs anyone else was ever there, so he didn’t tell anyone about. He hadn’t told anyone, that is, until Chrissy came to him today. She seemed paranoid earlier, and Jason seemed to always figure out where she was, and he did not want to risk Jason finding them, so he thought this was the perfect spot. Eddie finally made it to the clearing where he saw Chrissy was already there. She was facing away from him, starring at a tree. He called out to her, but she didn’t respond, so Eddie walked over to tap her on the shoulder, when she quickly spun around.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” Eddie looked Chrissy over, “are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Chrissy looked back towards the tree as if she was searching for something.
“I just thought I saw something,” Chrissy said. Eddie made his way over to the picnic table and Chrissy followed.
“Don’t worry no one will find us out here, it’s pretty secluded” Eddie sat at the table and opened his tote box.
“How does this work exactly?” Chrissy asked still feeling slightly on edge.
“Like any other sale except cash only,” Eddie said, “and for obvious reasons, no receipts.” Chrissy shook her head, still seeming to be shaken by something.
“I’ll do 20 for half a bag,” Eddie continued, “it’s a pretty good deal.” That’s when Chrissy heard a noise and she gasped, only to realize it was a squirrel.
“Ok we don’t need to do this, just give me the word and I’ll just walk away,” Eddie said while closing the box.
“It’s not that, I don’t want you to go,” Chrissy sighed, “it’s just, do you ever feel like you’re… losing your mind?” Chrissy started to rub her wrists on the table. She felt the shame bubbling up again. She felt desperate telling this guy she barely knew that she felt crazy. But then she was actually desperate.
“Uhm,” Eddie began, “Just like on a daily basis.”
“I feel like I’m losing my mind right now, doing a drug deal with Chrissy Cunningham, the Queen of Hawkins High.” Chrissy feebly smiled at him.
“You know this isn’t the first time we’ve ‘hung out’,” Eddie said.
“No?” Chrissy asked.
“You don’t remember?” Eddie asked back.
“No, I’m sorry I…” Chrissy trailed off, really trying to remember what he was referring to.
“It’s okay,” Eddie paused then clutched his chest as if having a heartache, falling back onto the ground.
“I wouldn’t remember me either Chrissy,” he said while getting up off the ground. Chrissy began laughing at Eddie’s theatrics.
“Um, do I have stuff in my hair?” Eddie began pulling leaves out of his long hair and this caused Chrissy to laugh even harder. Eddie was happy to hear her laughing, hoping that whatever tension she was feeling had gone away.
“You really don’t remember me?” he asked.
“No, sorry,” Chrissy repeated through giggles.
“Middle school talent show, you were doing this cheer thing,” he began to imitate how cheerleaders could shake pom poms, “you know the thing. It’s pretty cool actually. And I, I was with my band-”
“Corroded Coffin!”
“Yes! You do remember!” he said excitedly.
“Of course, with a name like that how could I forget!”
“I don’t know you’re a freak,” Eddie grinned at her.
“No, it’s just you look so…”
“Different?” Eddie finished, “yeah well my hair was buzzed, and I didn’t have these sweet tatties.” He pulled his shirt down showing off more of his tattoos.
“You played guitar, right?” Chrissy asked.
“Yep, still do, you should come see us. We play at the hideout on Tuesdays, it’s pretty cool we actually get an audience of about five,” Eddie pretended to think, “drunks.” This made Chrissy laugh again.
“It’s not exactly the garden but gotta start somewhere,” Eddie said while lightly punching a tree.
“You know, you’re not what I thought you’d be like,” Chrissy said.
“Mean and scary?” Eddie asked now hiding his face with his hair. Chrissy shook her head in agreement.
“Yeah, well I actually thought you’d be mean and scary too,” Eddie said while walking back to the table.
“Me?” Chrissy asked softly.
“Terrifying,” Eddie joked while opening his tote box again, “well good news is flattery works on me. So, 15 bucks for the half. you’re practically robbing me blind.” Chrissy’s face fell again.
“Do you have anything… maybe, stronger?” Chrissy asked now wringing her wrists again. Eddie looked at her for a minute. He couldn’t believe she wanted something stronger when she never even took any drugs before! He knew he probably should have said no but he could tell something was really troubling her and he just couldn’t say no.
“Um, yeah, I got some special K,” he finally spoke, “but not on me. It’s back at my trailer.”
“Oh,” Chrissy said trying not to show any disappointment.
“I could take you there, after the game,” Eddie said, “if you were up for it, of course.”
“Of course,” Chrissy smiled, “I’m up for it.”
“Okay, meet me at the parking lot after the game,” Eddie said. Then the two went their separate ways.