Work Text:
the day you confess to bakugo katsuki that you are in love with him is one filled with dust, rain and blood.
it starts off like this: you, on patrol; him, on a mission.
your paths weren’t meant to cross until late at night, where you’ll meet in the agency’s debrief room. you’re meant to have finished that patrol, and he’ll have completed that mission successfully. the two of you will then go for supper at the hidden izakaya where he listens to you share about the little gifts you received from two adorable little girls. you’ll feed him bites of your yakitori, and he’ll fiddle with the rings on your free hand.
it was never planned for you to be laid out in his lap, vision blurry as his nitroglycerin-covered fingers flutter around your face, never touching. it’s only 3:19pm, not even halfway to the time you’re meant to meet.
you feel it right before it comes, minute shudders in the ground alluding to the disaster that’s about to arrive. it happens almost too fast, too sudden for you to do anything but throw the little girls who were just talking to you as far away as you could with your quirk, even as the blast that comes from behind throws you forward.
if you hadn’t been distracted, if you had concentrated harder, maybe then you wouldn’t have crashed into the wall and the stray piece of flying rebar would never have made its home in your stomach. if you had paid more attention, maybe then you would have gotten to hold on to your feelings a little longer, to find the right moment to set them free.
instead you find yourself lying on the side of the street, blood pooling beneath your body as civilians run and scream. you wonder if the girls were alright. they had been thrown far enough, but did they have enough sense to run away after? you hope they do, you don’t want them close enough to see the carnage. dust kicks up as more explosions fill your ears, and even as tears cloud your vision, you recognise the signature green that appears.
good, deku is here. deku means that safety will come soon. and where deku goes, so does dynamight. those girls will be safe then. the duo will get them out of here, and take down the villain in no time. everyone will be fine. everyone but you.
you try to push yourself up, and oh , that didn’t feel good. your vision swims and it takes all your concentration and willpower to stay awake. you need to help, somehow . turning your head, you see a group of civilians desperately pushing an overturned car. it blocks a door, and you can barely see the people banging on it, trapped as the fight grows closer to them.
get up. you need to get up and help them or they’ll die. they’ll die and you fail as a hero, fail your duty, fail them . you can’t fail, you promised them you’d be their hero, that they’d be safe no matter what happened. your graduating vows from highschool rings through your mind, muddled and choppy.
“i promi-from this moment, that i will-hero-befitting humani-that no matt-there for anyone-help. i promise to answer every-shield for all.”
you promised. you promised.
pushing up once more, your vision twists so violently you’re left reeling back into the ground. you barely notice when your head knocks against dust and debris, but you do finally notice the pain radiating from your stomach though. and it spreads, throbbing spiderwebs of agony racing through your veins until you feel like your whole body is on fire.
you were running on adrenaline, you realize. it hurts so much you can barely breathe, gasping for air as black spots fill your sight.
is this the end? is this how you go out?
panic fills you; you have so many things you haven’t done yet, you can’t go now. you haven’t been to that fancy french bakery yuuga has been bugging you to try. you haven’t finished the thousand paper cranes for that little boy in the hospital. most importantly, you haven’t told bakugo katsuki that you’re in love with him.
“kat-katsu-ki,” you wheeze. he isn’t near enough to hear you, not when his hands go pop pop pop , and the villain screams , and the civilians cry . you’re not selfish enough to draw him away from the fight either, not when being a hero comes before anything else, even your own selfish desires. you just need to hold on, hold on long enough for him to defeat that villain and find you. long enough to tell him what you’ve been holding in your heart since the third year of highschool.
it’s funny, you muse. how everything seems so terrifyingly insignificant when you’re dying. how could you have been so afraid to tell katsuki how you feel, how you want to be his, and his alone? it’s a silly little thing, fear is. it grips your heart and mind and freezes you from doing what you want most. and yet with the taste of iron in your mouth and mind-numbing pain, fear is nothing but a little pest to be stomped on and discarded. fear, what a pitiful joke against death.
“hey-hey, no!” an almost too hot hand pats your face gently. “no, no nononono, you can’t, fuck- open your eyes!”
you blink blearily, and katsuki, gloriously soot-covered in his uniform, swims in and out of focus.
“kat,” you slur, smiling. “you’re here.”
“what the hell happened?” he snaps, hands patting down your body, looking for any other injuries. “hey, keep your eyes open.”
“‘m tired.” a weak hand comes up to slap his hands away but only manages to fall weakly onto his lap. “c’mere. need’ta tell you.”
he bristles angrily, and that only makes you smile even wider. not by much though, you barely had the strength to stay awake.
“you can say whatever you want later, we need to get you to the hospital first.” he curses, voice shaking. “how the hell did you get yourself like this, huh? thought you were supposed to be better than me.”
his words, while harsh, lacked the usual bite.
“c’mere.” you use the little energy you have to yank him closer. he bares his teeth in annoyance, but doesn’t struggle as your quirk guides your head to his lap. “kat-”
“can’t it wait? you’re bleeding out here, dumbass.” you can feel his panic, his fear as it seeps through his trembling legs. oh katsuki, if it could wait, if you could wait, then you would have. you’ve waited four years after all.
“can’t. won’t make it.” you shake your head as he opens his mouth to argue. “listen.”
it’s ridiculous, really. that four years of feelings and pining and dreaming has led to this. of the million scenarios you’ve dreamed up, this was never one of them.
“ listen .” his hands shake as they hover over your face. you can smell the familiar nitroglycerin, feel the heat radiating off them. it’s soothing, reminiscent of all the years you’ve spent together, all the memories built on laughter, on smiles, on tears. on love .
you wheeze as you fight to breathe. you need to say it, say it before you can never again. you don’t want to die with regrets.
“kat-suki, i, i love you.” you choke out between gasps. “i shou’ve sai’, sai’ somethin’ earlier, but, was scared.”
katsuki shudders beneath you, and you feel something wet drop on your face. oh katsuki , your heart aches for him.
“don’t cry,” you try to reach for his face, to wipe his tears. his hands catch yours before it can fall back to the ground, pressing it to his lips, his cheek.
“‘m not crying, it’s raining.” he protests weakly.
a broken chuckle tears its way through your lungs, dissipating with the blood that passes your lips. true enough, it is raining, and you feel every drop that lands on your body, sliding down your suit and mingling with your blood. but you also feel the hot tears that drip from his eyes, trailing down your hand and spilling into your hair.
“i don’t-i can’t-” he has never sounded more broken than this, and your heart hurts more than your injuries ever could. you never wanted to put him in this situation, never wished for him to hurt like this.
“‘s’okay,” you whisper to him. your hand tightens briefly on his face. “’s’okay, love you.”
katsuki opens his mouth, and he speaks. but you can’t hear anything anymore, save for a ringing noise that thrums through your brain, stealing your vision in an unhurried second. you can barely feel the words you mouth, the searing kiss he places on your forehead. he knows, at least, how you feel. you can rest easy now.