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"See? Not so bad"
Owen was right. It wasn't so bad. It was much, much worse. The Giganotosaurus was dispatched quickly, and a moment of calm seemed to overtake the group. Alan found Ellie and they both held each other close as everyone regained their bearings.
"You alright?" he whispered, his heart pounding in his chest. "Yeah" she responded. "You?" He nodded, taking in a deep breath. He let her go when he saw Owen coming towards them, bottles in hand. "Dr. Grant, Dr. Sattler? Here, have some water" he said with a knowing smile. "Thank you Owen" Ellie said as Alan mumbled his thanks.
"So, you trained dinosaurs?" Alan asked after taking a swig of water. Owen gave him a genuine smile. "Yeah, raptors" he said, and Alan almost choked on the water. "You trained raptors?" he asked, a mix of awe and confusion in his voice. "Yes sir" Owen answered. Alan nodded slightly. "Interesting..." he said before Ellie broke the slightly awkward silence between them by asking Owen something or other that Alan didn't pay attention to.
He let himself relax just a tad, heart speeding up as he looked at her. He still couldn't comprehend that she was there right in front of him. Almost thirty years had passed, and yet he still felt like a smitten school boy, too embarrassed to admit he had a crush on someone. Ellie turned for a moment and caught him staring. She gave him her dazzling smile, the same one that never failed to make his heart flutter in his chest no matter the circumstances.
For the first time in a very, very long time, Alan Grant felt himself thinking that everything would actually be alright. He let his mind wander to what could happen if they got back home in one piece. He smiled at the thought of somehow managing to convince Ellie to let him stick around with her for a while, and perhaps maybe even rekindle that fire he knew was still burning, even if he didn't want to get too optimistic.
And then everything came crashing down.
We're at the end of the line.
One second he was giving her his signature half-smile. The next he was gone.
For both Ellie and Alan, it was as if everything was in slow motion. He suddenly felt like all the air was pushed out of his lungs, pain and enormous pressure erupting on his chest before he felt himself hit the wall that most definitely had not been behind him a second before.
Ellie dropped her water bottle, scream half-lodged in her throat as she saw him get thrown across the room by the Giganotosaurus that had come out of nowhere. "ALAN!"
She ran towards him as the others ran to dispatch the dinosaur. He was barely conscious when she slid next to him, and she barely managed to stifle her sob when she saw the extent of his injuries. A deep gash on his forehead and three long gashes across his chest, the largest one being a big tearing laceration that ran from his left shoulder to his right hip. "Oh god...Alan, Alan honey, look at me, look at me Alan" she said as she desperately began to look for something, anything to somewhat stop the bleeding. Alan didn't respond. He wasn't unconscious yet, but he was deathly pale and he was shaking terribly.
He attempted to say something but all that came out were gurgling noises. He tried to move, but he didn't feel all there. Sounds were muffled. His vision was blurry. Everything hurt. Alan Grant had never been afraid to die. Truth be told, he'd been more afraid for the kids and Ellie back in Jurassic Park than he had been for himself. Hell, he'd been more worried about Ian than he had ever been about himself. But now? Now he was absolutely terrified.
He could barely think straight, but he knew that closing his eyes would surely be the end. Endless darkness, forever. He'd endured almost thirty years of being alone, of being without her. But now she was here, they were here. An eternity without Ellie would be a hell that Alan Grant was not willing to step foot in without trying to fix his mistake all those years ago.
She keeps me from closing my eyes.
But damn did he need a good nap. He tried to call out, tried to fight it, but he felt himself slipping away as he saw Ellie frantically calling for help as the other dispatched the Giganotosaurus. Before he lost his battle with consciousness, he managed to weakly reach out for the one woman he'd ever loved and whispered her name "Ellie".
-------
Keeps me from sleeping at night.
His childhood hadn't been all that eventful. He'd been a somewhat sickly child, and he much preferred to be indoors rather than go outside and play. Except for the nightmares. For reasons he would never understand, he'd had the most terrible nightmares as a child, most of which he couldn't recall as he got older. It got to the point that he'd stay awake and would play until he was sure the nightmares wouldn't come.
It was during one of his fantastical escapades from reality (he'd had an active imagination as a child) that his parents presented him with something that would change his life. From his father: toy dinosaurs. From his mother: an extensive book about said dinosaurs. He remembered how his awful night had been immediately brightened up, and how from that day on he'd been drawn to everything that had to do with dinos. He was set on becoming a paleontologist since the third grade, and had never looked back since.
"Alan, Alan honey, hold on, hold on, please..."
-------
Don't let me go.
He remembers meeting her for the first time in class. He'd been a youngish thirty-something professor trying to make ends meet to get another dig underway. He hadn't given love and romance a second thought, too focused on his career to even dream of meeting anyone. It had gotten to the point that all of his colleagues and the few friends he still kept in contact with made fun of him and called him a prude. He hadn't given a damn, and, truth be told, he didn't much care if they ridiculed him. He was positive he'd be alone for the rest of his life, and he was quite alright with the idea.
Until Ellie Sattler came literally crashing into his life.
He'd been grading papers and had began pacing as he read a report by one of his students. It was still early and he had not expected anyone to start showing up for at least twenty minutes. Until he'd crashed headfirst into an overeager student who had somehow managed to turn his plans upside down.
At first he was annoyed as hell and he opened his mouth to tell the now sputtering girl off. And then he saw her, and he felt his world stop. She was the absolute most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on. He began to apologize to her, reaching out to help her gather her now scattered belongings as she too started sputtering an apology. It just so happened that they reached for the same piece of paper at the same time, and their hands touched.
Now, Alan Grant had always been a proper man. He did not consider himself a "gentleman" per se, but he very much knew he should have moved his hand and kept helping her. But he didn't do that. They both stared at each other for what felt like years, neither one moving. Alan felt the tips of his ears turn pink as she offered him the most dazzling smile, his heart somersaulting in his chest.
He knew right then and there that he was absolutely fucked.
"He's losing a lot of blood, oh my god..."
-------
Even when I've fallen back, You still believed I tried.
They'd been dating for a few years when John Hammond came into the picture. Sure, their relationship hadn't been perfect by all means, but Alan knew they were at a standstill for the moment. Neither one would dare break it off, but Alan knew Ellie wanted to settle down, have children, have a proper domestic life. And Alan? Alan couldn't see himself doing any of those things. But he also didn't see himself without Ellie. He was torn beyond measure, unsure of how he'd keep things together. He would hate for her to sacrifice the things she most longed for, but she'd also made it clear that she would not force him to do anything he didn't want to do. He knew he had to give her an answer, but he'd been avoiding it as well as he'd avoided the Montana sun. Which would also be out of the picture soon enough, with funding almost dried up.
But when John Hammond invited them to his eccentric theme park, things had seemed to turn in their favor for the first time in a long time.
And then all hell had broken loose.
First the T-Rex, then the raptors. The jeep almost crushing him and Tim. Thinking Ellie was gone until they'd miraculously found each other and she'd jumped into his arms, kissing him so deeply he thought he'd never need to breathe again.
Finally making it out, somewhat in one piece. Making it into the helicopter, flying away from the beautiful island that had turned out to be nightmare fuel.
It was during the silent trip back that he'd realized he'd grown fond of Lex and Tim. He held them protectively against him as they both dozed off, and when he looked up and saw Ellie staring at them, he gave her his half-smile, something inside him clicking. Maybe kids weren't that bad. Sure, they could be energetic and a little obnoxious at time, but they weren't terrible.
For the first time in a long time, Alan thought he would be able to make a choice he wouldn't regret. Maybe he wasn't all "fatherly material", but he'd gladly become one if it was Ellie. And settling down with her? That sounded like absolute heaven. As he turned his head to look out the window, he made a mental note to go engagement ring shopping once everything settled down when they got back home.
"Shit shit, I think we're losing him. Goddammit Alan, you've got to uh, hang on. Chaos theory is my thing you ass"
-------
She keeps me from holding her tight. Trying to make sure she's fine.
The nightmares plagued both of them after. Every night. He'd wake up in cold sweat, scream stuck in his throat. She'd wake up screaming and fighting something he couldn't see. It got the point where sometimes neither one slept a wink for fear that the moment they closed their eyes they'd be back there, facing death incarnated in the jaws.
Don't let me go.
They became distant for a while then. She'd refuse to let him touch her, and he didn't push. Sometimes he'd sleep on the couch once he made sure she was alright. She'd always wake up and find him though. He'd been afraid that perhaps they'd survived but their scars were too deep for their relationship to survive. But when she'd snuggle up against him and said "I'm sorry" before breaking down in his arms or vice versa, all those thoughts would dissipate in an instant.
"Ah crap, that looks real bad, don't it? Shit man, hold up let me put some pressure on it. You ain't dying on me, not tonight"
-------
We took a hundred steps back.
They were arguing. They'd rarely argued ever. They'd disagreed, but they'd never raised their voices. Tonight was different.
They were supposed to share a romantic dinner. Alan had planned it all out in his head. They'd be sipping wine when he would pop the question, the ring in his pocket glaring obvious to himself but not to her. And then they'd started arguing. He couldn't even remember why they'd started. But suddenly they were standing extremely close to each other and in other circumstances he would have pulled her closer to him and would have captured her lips with his.
Instead, they were hurling heavy words at each other. And he snapped. "Oh yeah?" he remembered yelling at her. "Why don't you leave then huh? Instead of wasting your time with a pathetic motherfucker like me? Do you even love me anymore? Or are you staying around for the pity party?"
She had frozen in place, shock on her face. He was breathing hard, the blood pumping in his ears, the reality of what he'd said hung heavily between them. He opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off. "Alan, I don't...I don't even know you anymore" she'd said, and he felt like his heart had stopped. "But y'know what? Fine. Have it your way"
How you said goodbye was sad.
"I-I'll leave" she said, a break in her voice as he tried to reach for her. "Ell, Ell I-" she put her hand up. "Save it. I-I'm done Alan. I don't know what's gotten into you lately. You won't even talk to me anymore and now you suggest that I-?" she shook her head. "I can't anymore"
Alan felt the world tilt. "Fine" he'd said, voice sounding foreign to his ears. "But know that this was all me. I'm...I'm setting ya free. Free, ya hear? I'm freeing you" he said, on the verge of tears. She opened her mouth, then closed it before grabbing her purse and muttering something about coming for her things in the morning. And then she was gone.
He'd collapsed once the door closed behind her. He couldn't bear it, but it was over. As he curled up into himself, the ring that had been in his pocket now lay on the floor, mocking him for his failures.
In that moment, his heart shattered into a million pieces, and he could do nothing but scream.
"C'mon Dr. Grant, hang on, hang on"
-------
Wrote and she asks me, I'm fine.
Afterwards, he'd turned back to the digs. He'd thought that burying himself in his work would make him forget. It didn't.
He found himself thinking about her on a daily basis, beating himself up every night for letting her go. For a time, he thought he'd found solace in whiskey bottles. A brush with death was enough for him to kick that habit.
Now, Alan Grant was a man of few words. He would be straightforward with everyone, never speaking more than he had to. Except when it came to Ellie Sattler. He tried calling her once, but when he heard her voice on the other end of the line he had panicked and had hung up. That's when the letters started.
At first, they'd been short. One or two sentences at most, mostly consisting of things like "I'm so, so sorry" and "I miss you so much" and "I was an idiot". Eventually, however, they started getting longer and longer. A page, then two. Every single one was signed by him, had a return address, and was stamped. He'd found out she was living in DC via a certain Ian Malcolm who still couldn't understand what the actual hell had happened between them, and so her address was also on the letters. One by one, he'd convince himself he'd send them to her, then he'd chicken out before he dropped them in the mail. He began storing them in his filing cabinet, on the top drawer that no one but him would open.
He'd lost count of how many letters he'd written, although he was sure they were well over a hundred. He hadn't had the heart to get rid of them, but he also didn't have the heart to read them again. He'd sealed them all and stored them away, letting them accumulate dust as the years passed.
Eventually, he'd received a singular letter from her. He'd held it like it was the most groundbreaking discover he'd ever made. In fact, he'd been so terrified it was all a dream that he'd refused to open it until the next day. In it, he found a short letter written in Ellie's familiar script. He almost started crying right then and there. She asked how he was doing, gave him her new number and told him he should come visit her in DC sometime. She didn't say "I love you" or "I miss you", but that was alright with him. Maybe things wouldn't go back the way they were, but being on speaking terms again? That was more than enough.
With shaking hands, he remembered dialing her number, heart pounding out of his chest. It rang, and for a moment he thought she wouldn't answer. And then, then, he heard her voice for the first time since...well, since everything had gone to shit.
"Hello?"
"Ellie? Uh, hello. I don't know if you remember me, although you probably do, or you wouldn't have sent the letter, heh, but uh. Crap. It's me. It's-
"Alan"
"Ok ok, we're almost there. C'mon Dr. Grant, hold on. We're almost there"
-------
Now when I think of it add, please let me go.
She'd saved him back there, in Isla Sorna. She'd gotten his call. Billy, Eric, the Kirby's, himself. She'd actually saved them. And suddenly he found himself writing a hundred letters, and then some. The filing cabinet was stuffed, but still he wrote more. He couldn't bring himself to face her again. He would've gladly taken her scolding on any given day. But now? Now things were different. She was married to that Mark guy, had Charlie and an infant daughter. Had the house she'd always dreamed of. She had everything he was to afraid to give her way back when.
Now he'd been reduced to nothing but an ex-boyfriend. And had earned the title of "The Dinosaur Man", which he actually took pride in.
Afterwards, he'd spent the next almost three decades going from dig to dig, ignoring the gaping hole in his heart. He'd occasionally talk to Ian, rarely talk to Ellie, and tried to continue living "The Alan Grant life". Until she'd appeared in his tent, dazzling smile and all.
"Ellie Sattler"
"Alan Grant"
And suddenly everything seemed to slowly click back in place.
"We've got an injured man here! He's lost a lot of blood, but I think he's still breathing. Yeah, he's still breathing! Move move move!"
------
The darkness suddenly brightened so much that it blinded him. He could hear something, but couldn't identify it. He felt himself being pulled in two directions, as if two people had either of his arms and were using him to play tug of war. Maybe that's how it felt, the ending. Everything around him seemed to slow down and speed up simultaneously. He heard voices suddenly, then silence. There was a light in front of him, like a tunnel. He broke himself free from the clutches of whatever was pulling at him, and turned to go towards the calming light.
And then he saw faces. Of people that had been there, part of his life for however short the time had been.
Mom, dad, his kid sister, John Hammond, Lex, Tim, Billy, Eric, Owen, Claire, Kayla, Maisie, Ian, ELLIE-
Class, pink ears, soft touches, whispered words, passionate kisses, slow love-making, her perfume, golden locks of hair, baby blue eyes, the digs, star-filled skies, stolen moments, her dazzling smile-
He threw himself backwards at the last second, and then he was falling, falling falling...
-------
"ELLIE!"
There came a time when you were the only one.
He shot up in bed and immediately regretted it. He muttered every curse he could think of as he fell back with a groan. His eyes took their time adjusting to the brightness, and suddenly he was very aware he didn't know where he was. A quick look around once his eyes were back to normal told him all he needed to know. Or rather, the basics. He was most definitely in a hospital room. He was in the bed, IV's in his arms and hooked up to so many machines he lost count. He looked down at himself and found most of his chest and torso covered in fresh bandages. His left shoulder was also bandaged, and he could barely move his arm. He touched his forehead gingerly with his right hand and realized it was also bandaged.
In short, Alan Grant felt like absolute shit.
And then his heart skipped a beat. At the foot of his bed, he saw her. Ellie Sattler herself. She was fast asleep in the most uncomfortable position he could think of. Hunched over, head cradled in her arms. He couldn't see her well, but Alan would bet anything to say that she had not slept well in however long he'd been out, and Alan Grant was not a betting man.
He wanted to desperately reach out for her, but he had no intentions of waking her. As it turned out, his shifting was enough to rouse her, and she groggily lifted her head, giving him a clear view of red-rimmed eyes, dark circles very much apparent.
He felt something catch in his throat, and then he tried to call to her. "Ellie..." he whispered, throat feeling dry and scratchy. "Ellie" he called out again, this time the whisper feeling rougher in his throat but he knew it had been louder.
Her eyes landed on him and he saw her breath catch as she saw that he was awake. He heard a half-sob escape her as she moved towards the head of the bed with incredible speed, the chair she had been sitting on falling to its side.
"Oh, oh my god, oh my god..." she said as she hovered over him, eyes wide and full of both tears and worry. She gingerly put a hand on his cheek and he immediately leaned into her touch.
"Oh my god, Alan, it's you...you're awake..." she whispered, eyes searching his. He tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace instead. "I-shit, are you alright?" he asked, voice still rough.
She let out a gasp. "Alan, you...you died on me...and you're asking if I'm alright?"
"Can't...can't get rid of me that easy...last of my b-breed, remember?..." he muttered, mind reeling. He'd died? "I'm fine, fine"
She sat down next to him, taking his uninjured hand in hers. She caressed his knuckles, focusing on his hand rather than his face. He could see the tears she was trying to hide from him slip down her cheeks. "Hey..." he said and she turned to him. "You don't remember, do you? Any of it?"
He shook his head. "I got hit by a bulldozer, then I called out to you and then..." his voice trailed off.
"You were bleeding" she said, taking a shaky breath. "You lost a lot of blood Alan. I was...covered in a lot of it. You weren't responding. We had to carry you and...we made it out, but you were fading fast. And...and we got you to the medical team the second we landed. And then, on the flight back home...you blanked out. You...you were gone..." she said, unable to hold back her soft sob. "I was there, holdin' your hand. And you were so, so cold Alan..."
He felt the blood pumping in his ears. "But then, ha, then you came back and I knew then you'd be fine..." she said, tears streaming down her face.
"Well...I am hella stubborn..." he said, earning a soft chuckle from her before she kissed his knuckles. "I almost lost ya..."
He shook his head. "No...no none of that" he said, taking his hand from hers and pressing it to her cheek. "I...I was an idiot. Lost ya once...ain't no force on heaven or hell that will let me make that mistake again" he said.
She smiled into his palm, kissing it as she gently held onto his wrist.
"How long...how long have I-?"
"Days. I...I lost count..." she admitted, and he took a breath. "And you've been-?"
"Here. Every day. Making sure you're healing"
He nodded slowly. "You look like shit..." he said after a moment, earning a mockingly exasperated expression from Ellie. "Speak for yourself mister!" she said and they both erupted in a fit of laughter, which ended rather quickly when Alan felt a twinge of pain in his ribs.
Once Ellie made sure he was fine, he caressed her cheek again. "C'mere..." he said, feeling drowsy all of a sudden.
"Alan, what-?"
"C'mere" he said again, pulling her towards him. "Alan, no..." she protested.
"You want me...get better? Then get in this damn bed...with...with me woman" he said as he pulled her towards his uninjured side. Very, very slowly she complied, and gently snuggled up against him.
"See? Feel better...already..." he said, his half-smile gracing his face. She looked up at him and caressed his stubbled cheek.
"I love you, Alan Grant. I always have, I always will" she whispered, and he felt his breath catch in his throat. "I...I love you, Ellie Sattler..." he whispered. "And I was, such an asshole, but, now I realize...I've only ever loved you, and I....I always will..." he said, and he felt her lean into him.
You were the only one.
"So...if you'll have me...once I get outta here..." he said, turning slightly to be able to see her. "I...I can't...can't get on one knee, but, would you...would you make this old man the happiest one on earth and...m-marry me?" he asked softly, and she gasped softly. "Alan...oh, yes! Yes!" she said, laughing as she started to cry tears of joy this time.
"Oh, I could kiss you..." she said. "But I think you can wait a little longer" she said and he groaned while rolling his eyes.
"You're gonna be the death of me woman" he said, and received a pointed glare from her. "Nuh uh, no sir" she said. "You've already tried to ruin my perfect plan twice"
"Perfect plan?"
"The one where we grow old together and live till we're both as old as the dinosaurs we used to dig up and we never let each other go, together till the end of time"
"Heh, that's a long ass time" he muttered. "But I'll gladly do it with you" he added, and she smiled against his uninjured shoulder.
"Good" she said. "Now sleep, you stubborn old git. You've got to rest up"
"I've been out...long enough...wanna...stay with ya" he said, unable to stifle his yawn.
"Sleep. Don't worry, I'll be right here when you wake up" she said, caressing his cheek before snuggling up to him, singing him a song like she used to, way back when.
Slowly, his eyes drooped, and before he fell sleep, he saw her looking at him, and he smiled. Everything felt right, and he allowed himself to drift off to sleep. The slow rise and fall of his chest paired with his soft breathing was enough to tell Ellie that he was asleep, and she smiled, letting herself relax into him, sleep claiming her soon enough.
When visitation hours actually started, that's how Ian, Owen, Claire, Maisie, Kayla and Ramsay found them, curled up into each other, fast asleep, holding on like their lives depended on it.
Ian couldn't help but smile as he leaned onto his cane. "Ha" he muttered to himself as he turned to look at the group. "Guess I was right" he said, turning back to look fondly at his best friends.
"Life uh, heh, life does find a way"
The only one.