Work Text:
"I don’t know”
Magnus never thought that three little words could hurt that much. He had listened to all the messages Alec left on his voicemail, read all of the texts he sent on his phone until Magnus destroyed it, unable to deal with the heartbreak anymore. He even had to listen to all of his stupid, but caring, friends coming one after the other to ask him to give Alec a second chance. Being with Alec hadn’t always been easy, but being away from him was even tougher.
After their breakup Magnus hadn’t known what he wanted to do. But after weeks of pain, everything had become clearer. He wanted to take a chance, really wanted to show himself to Alec despite all the risks. He wanted to trust that Alec’s love would be enough, that he’d want to be with Magnus despite his past and their differences. So he had written for days and days on end, about some of his most memorable life stories: his adventures in Peru, how he met Raphael, stories of Herondales. He even wrote about Camille and how he met Alec’s parents when they were still in the Circle. He wasn’t sure what Alec’s reaction at the possibility of getting back together would be. In the hundreds of scenarios that played in his head, Magnus had hoped Alec would agree, he even imagined the anger Alec would feel at discovering the truth that Magnus carefully kept from him about Asmodeus being his father while they fought Shinyun and the cultists of the Crimson Hand.
I don’t know definitely wasn’t one of the answers Magnus had imagined, and somehow the uncertainty felt worse than the anger. Hearing those three words felt like someone had ripped his heart from his chest. Magnus’ heart had been broken multiple times before, but nothing ever felt as painful as this.
He looked at Alec, unable to read his expression as the Shadowhunter said again how sorry he was for what he’d done, and explained why they couldn’t be together again. Magnus pulled his knees against his chest and fought the tears forming in his eyes as he whispered “I love you”, only for Alec to ask him not to.
So Magnus did the only thing left to do, and chose to give his past to Alec. He pulled the notebook he spent days writing out of his pocket and presented it to him carefully, hopeful that Alec would take it, read it, and choose to be with him. He watched intently as Alec’s eyes focused on the first page. Time seemed to stopped, the world around them still as Alec kept staring at the page in front of him. Magnus’ erratic heartbeat was deafening in the silence of the night, so he wasn't sure that he heard correctly when Alec suddenly said “All right”. He turned his head to look at the young Shadowhunter, blurting out “Really?”, disbelieving he heard correctly, instead expecting Alec to be leaving him alone on the roof of the Lightwood's house. Alec’s smile and extended hand was all the reassurance Magnus needed that he had heard correctly. He linked his fingers with Alec, got up on his feet and kissed him. The kiss was slow and tender, and even though it wasn’t their first kiss, it felt like a new beginning. A promise of a future filled with love and happiness.