Work Text:
Pulling his knife out of the young man’s chest, Dean wiped it on his shirt before he walked away from the body, moving toward where Sam was crouched over an open book. A bowl of herbs still hissed next time him from the witch’s spell as Sam absently turned the pages, leaving the book open when he turned to look at his brother.
“What do you think this jerk was trying to do?” Dean asked.
“Looks like a tune up on some sort of spell to make other people do whatever he wanted,” Sam said, pointing at the page. “Right here.”
“Numquid ego sic erit?” He snorted. “Right. Like that works.”
“Just in case it does, maybe you shouldn’t say it in front of the book,” Sam snapped, flipping the book closed.
“You shouldn’t say anything in front of anything,” Dean retorted, shooting his brother a triumphant smile. Sam rolled his eyes.
“Whatever. Maybe we should call Cas. There’s been a lot of stuff going on in this area. Could be related to whatever’s been going on.”
“We haven’t seen him since Crowley’s compound. He’s probably struggling with the other angels. Besides, I do not want to see his face after we saw him trying to suck that demon bitch’s face off,” Dean said.
“Well, we won’t see her again anytime soon, so we won’t have to watch Cas make moon eyes at her. Put out that bowl of herbs so we can leave.”
“Please, with our luck she’s gonna pop up in our motel room before we get back, and Cas’ll be right there with her,” Dean snickered. “If he likes her so much, he should just go marry her.”
Sam laughed as Dean put out the bowl of herbs on the table. “Whatever. Let’s go get some sleep and get on the road.”
The brother’s strolled out of the room, neither one noticing how Dean’s eyes flashed orange when he spoke.
.
Blinking, Meg turned in place, swallowing cautiously as she started at the walls of the motel room. A second ago she’d been on a beach in Australia, stripping off her shirt and jeans to lie in the sun and watch a surfing competition, her drink waiting for her on a chair as she celebrated Crowley’s death. Now she was back in America, eyes darting around while her shirt dangled from her hands and her jeans hung half-open around her hips.
“What the fuck,” she mumbled, jumping slightly when she heard something fall to the floor. Dropping her shirt, Meg whirled around and set herself into a fighting stance, relaxing when she saw her favorite angel standing on the other side of the room, the television remote on the ground at his feet. “Heya, Clarence. How’d you get here?”
“I don’t know,” he said slowly. “I thought you would be celebrating.”
“I was. I don’t know how I wound up back in the good old US of A, but suddenly I’m very glad I did.” Stepping over her discarded shirt, Meg let a predatory grin bloom over her face as she walked up to him. “Wanna finish what we started, angel?” Meg shook herself as a small shiver rolled through the room and she moved closer to the angel without thinking about it, snaking her arms around his waist.
Castiel ignored the feeling in the room as well, gently lowering his head so his nose brushed hers. “Meg, I…”
“You what?” she whispered.
Castiel drew away from her and gripped both Meg’s hands, gracefully sinking down to one knee in front of her. “This is a little sudden, but Dean often tells me that feelings do not always make sense. Nothing makes sense right now.”
“You’re not making sense right now. Spit it out, Clarence.”
“Meg, will you marry me?” he asked. “I know it makes no sense. We have no need for marriage, being what we are, and especially being enemies, but I find I want to share that with you. Marry me, Meg. Be my wife.”
Instead of answering, Meg pulled her hands from his grip and bent to throw her arms around his neck. They fell onto the stained carpet, Meg pressing frantic, happy kisses against his face. Castiel laughed and wrapped his arms around her bare waist, returning her affection eagerly.
“I assume you are saying yes?”
“Yes I am, you big, dumb angel,” Meg said, rubbing her nose against his. “Y’know, there’s one other step to this. Marriage is a human thing, and usually the dude gives his girl a ring.”
“I’ll get you one,” he promised. “We’ll do anything you want. We’ll have the perfect wedding, just like I’ve seen humans do hundreds of times.”
Meg scooted backward on the floor and laid her head on Castiel’s chest, smiling when he stroked her back softly. “Should be better than my human wedding for sure.”
.
“You’re quiet,” Dean observed as they pulled into the parking lot of the motel. Sam patted his neck, frowning when he opened his mouth and no sound came out. “What? Cat got your tongue?”
Sam glared at him and shook his head, gesturing toward the motel room. ‘I can’t talk!’ he mouthed. ‘Something happened.’ Dean rolled his eyes and opened the door to the Impala, freezing when he saw the soft glow of light through the drawn blinds.
“Sammy, did you leave the lights on?” he asked. Sam shook his head and reached behind him to draw his gun. Dean followed suit, drawing the demon knife from his belt and slowly approaching the door with Sam behind him. His eyebrows drew together in confusion when he heard the soft sound of music and a woman’s laughter drift through the door, followed by the sound of another familiar voice.
Sam pointed at the door. ‘Is that Castiel?’ he mouthed. ‘With a girl?’
“This day just keeps gettin’ weirder and weirder,” Dean said, tucking his knife back into his belt and reaching for the door. “Let’s see what’s going on in here.” Sam grunted and tapped his throat again, raising his eyebrows at Dean. “Cut that out. We’re a little old for pranks.”
Sam growled and pushed the door open, stumbling backward with wide eyes when he saw the scene in front of him. Dean froze next to his little brother, mouth dropping open in surprise and his hand flying back to the demon knife in his belt.
Meg and Castiel stood in the center of the room; Meg’s nearly-bare back facing them as she tried to lead Castiel through the steps of a dance. Soft music drifted through the room from Sam’s open laptop. Dean watched in horror as Meg repositioned one of Castiel’s hands on her waist and gently gripped his other one.
“Sam and Dean are here,” Castiel said. “We should tell them the good news.”
“Be with you boys in a sec,” Meg called over her shoulder. “Alright, Castiel, we’ll try this again. Just follow what I do.”
“I thought the man was supposed to lead,” he grumbled, allowing Meg to lead him around the room in a short dance.
“Maybe when you get better at it.”
“What the Hell is going on?” Dean shouted, drawing the demon knife and pointing it at her. “What the Hell are you two doing here?”
“Dean, put the knife down,” Castiel said slowly, drawing Meg behind him. “I don’t know how Meg and I got here, but we have some joyous news to share with the two of you.”
“One second I’m on a nice beach, and the next I’m with Clarence here, and before I knew it–”
“We’re getting married,” Castiel blurted, moving to throw his arm around Meg’s waist. The demon snuggled into his side and beamed at them, absently stroking Castiel’s chest.
“What?” Dean screeched. Sam’s eyebrows shot up as his mouth hung open in surprise and he tried to speak, slamming his hand against his thigh when no sound came out. “How did this happen?”
“I proposed,” the angel said slowly. “I thought you would be happy for me.”
“It’ll just take a bit for them to get used to it,” Meg told him, biting her lip before she stood on her toes to gently kiss him on the cheek. “You are marrying a demon, after all. That’s wrong on so many levels. Kinda hot, actually. Knowing you want a taste of the dark side.”
“Something weird is going on, Sam,” Dean said, gagging slightly when Castiel leaned down to noisily kiss Meg. “You not being able to talk wasn’t a prank, was it?”
Sam shook his head and walked over to the nightstand, reaching for a pad of paper and a pen. I think it was that will be done spell. You said the words out of the book and talked a lot before you put out the herbs. You did this. Underlining the word ‘you’ several times, Sam thrust the pad at Dean.
“Shit,” he groaned. “Well, if I did it, I can undo it, right? You two, stop doing that. And knock it off with the marriage crap.”
Meg stopped kissing Castiel and glared at him. “Just for that I’m gonna make sure you have to sit next to some very slimy demons at the wedding.”
“Meg, he didn’t mean it,” Castiel soothed, kissing the top of her head. “Like, you said, it’ll take some time for him to accept it. My family, too. But it will work out in the end, because I love you.”
Her face softened. “I love you, too.”
“Sammy, it didn’t work!” Dean whispered. “How do we make them stop?”
Sam scribbled on the pad again. You probably have to burn the herbs and say some more words, Dean. We left the book there. We just have to get it.
“Alright. I’ll go get that book from the warehouse,” Dean said. “You stay here and make sure they don’t do anything.”
“Oh, I’ll go with you!” Castiel volunteered, pulling himself away from Meg. “I have to pick up something. Meg can stay here and make sure Sam is alright so you can undo whatever you did to him.”
“Don’t worry, Dean. I’ll make sure nothing happens to little brother. Can’t have you two dying before the big day. I’m sure Cas wants you in the wedding!” Meg smiled at him. “I mean, clearly we weren’t affected by whatever you did, probably because we’re supernatural beings. But you should fix Sammy.”
Groaning, Sam sat down on one of the beds and buried his face in his hands.
.
“What about this one?” Meg asked from her spot on the bed. She turned the laptop around to face Sam, pointing at the white dress on the screen. “Too poofy, you think?” She pushed the pad toward him when he grunted. “C’mon, Sam. Help a girl out. It’s been centuries since the last time I got married, and they didn’t have clothes like this.”
When Sam ignored her, Meg closed the laptop and scooted closer to him. “Look, I actually wanted to ask you something. I know the position is supposed to go to a girl, but all my friends are dead, pretty much, and you’re the closest thing I have. I mean, we do know each other pretty well, since we shared a head for a bit and all.”
Sam glared at her and reached for the pad. Meg stopped him by grabbing his hand and lowering it to the bed’s scratchy comforter. A small, almost shy smile came to her face. “Sam, will you be my man of honor? I promise I won’t make you wear a dress.”
Sam’s eyes widened in surprise and he gently placed his other hand over Meg’s and nodded. She squealed happily and threw her arms around his neck. “Oh, thank you. I’m sure Castiel will ask your brother to be his best man. You guys are like family to him, you know. He told me while I was trying to teach him to dance. This is going to be the most perfect wedding ever, and then he and I get to spend the rest of eternity married to each other. We’re literally going to be together forever.” She pulled away and beamed at him. “Isn’t that wonderful?”
The door opened, saving Sam from answering as Dean and Castiel strolled in, a scowl decorating the older Winchester’s face.
“He would not shut up about her the entire ride,” Dean said, throwing the book onto the bed. “I know what she looks like now, by the way. Did you know that Meg has horns? I know that Meg has horns. And a tail.”
Sam raised his eyebrows and pulled his laptop open, pointing to the bridal site.
“Fair point.”
“Didja bring me a present?” Meg asked when Castiel walked over to the bed. He smiled at her.
“I did indeed. The shop was not open, but I got it for you, anyway,” he said, pulling a diamond ring from his pocket and slipping it onto her finger. “I see I was correct in the size.”
“You stole me an engagement ring? Cas, that’s so badass.” Sitting up on her knees, Meg wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him into a kiss. “Let’s go get our own room. I don’t mind the audience, but I don’t think you want them to see your woman naked.”
“Nobody is getting naked until we fix this!” Dean yelled, forcing the two of them apart. “If you two don’t knock it off I’m gonna stab her and find a way to stab you.”
“Dean, you’re going to be my best man. You can’t stab the bride,” Castiel protested.
“I am not going to be your best man, Cas! Just one of you go stand in one corner and the other one stay over here!”
“Someone’s just jealous that his virginal boyfriend is getting married before he is,” Meg huffed, sitting back down to admire her ring. “Besides, Sammy’s already gonna be my man of honor.”
“Sam!”
Sam shrugged and picked up the book.
.
“Do you think we should do some sort of last name or title on the invitations?” Meg asked, curled up in Castiel’s lap as they watched the Winchesters gather the herbs they needed. “I suppose I should use my real name. How many of yours do ya think’ll come to the wedding? I don’t have any demons left, but there are a few other contacts I should invite.”
“I’d be happy if it was just us four,” he said, stroking her arm. “Though I’d be happier if you’d put your shirt back on. I want to be the only one who sees you like this from now on.”
“I’m not your property,” she snapped.
“No,” he agreed. “But you are going to be my wife, and I find I am jealous of the fact that you and Sam were so close once. Possession is intimate, after all.”
“I’ll show you what it’s like to be intimate,” Meg whispered, looking up at him through her lashes. “As soon as these idiots let us out of here I’ll show you exactly what it’s like.”
“You two knock it off,” Dean barked, picking up the pack of matches. Meg rolled her eyes at him and snuggled back against Castiel’s chest. “Sammy, I hope you have the right words to fix this stupid thing.”
At Sam’s nod, Dean threw the matches into the bowl and watched the herbs burn for a moment before he pulled the book toward him. “Eaque, quod ego non fuerit!”
“Thank God,” Sam huffed. “Never, ever speak Latin in front of books again, Dean.”
“Yeah, lesson learned,” Dean said, turning to face Meg and Castiel. His eyebrows wrinkled in confusion when he saw them lounging on the chair, their posture unchanged. The only sign the spell had broken was Castiel’s nervous expression and the anger pouring off of Meg.
“I’d kill you for doing that to me, but I’m too horny right now,” she spat at Dean. Hopping off of Castiel’s lap, she grabbed his tie and began to haul him toward the door. “Even without the spell he’s still hot. C’mon, Clarence. I’m gonna make you a man tonight.” Castiel followed Meg out the door eagerly, nearly stepping on Meg’s heels. As the door slammed shut behind them, Sam shook his head and poured a glass of water over the herbs.
“Like I said, never, ever speak Latin in front of a book or a bowl of burning herbs again.”