Chapter Text
It started out as just another day on Qing Jing peak when everything changed once again for Shen Qingqiu.
Binghe had left that morning on a night hunt after making some delicious sweet buns as a snack for his Shizun, and would not return for at least a week. In the meantime, Shen Qingqiu decided that he would go to the nearest town and buy a present for his little white lotus. Perhaps another jade pendant? He could just see Binghe’s face light up when he presented him with his gift as a reward for his hard work when he came back. He arranged for a coach to wait for him at the base of the stairs of the peak and after finishing his morning classes, set off downwards.
Ah, what a beautiful day! The sun was out, the birds were singing and there was the sound of a baby crying. Wait, a baby crying?! Shen Qingqiu looked around and spotted a child sitting on one of the landings and sobbing his little heart out.
There was no one else around.
Who the hell had left a BABY alone on the stairs??
Using his cultivation, Shen Qingqiu leaped down to land right next to the child. He immediately picked him up and held him, all while rubbing circles on his back, the way he used to for his younger cousins when he had been Shen Yuan.
“There there, don’t cry,” he murmured to the child. Please kid, I really don’t know what to do if you don’t stop.
Fortunately, the child’s cries soon tapered down to sniffles. Breathing a sigh of relief, Shen Qingqiu sat down on the stairs, putting the child on his lap and examined him. He was older than Shen Qingqiu had first thought, probably closer to two. He was a cute little bun, all dark haired and dark eyed with chubby cheeks, dressed in the simple clothes any villager child would wear.
Shen Qingqiu pulled his handkerchief out of his sleeve and wiped the child’s face.
“Blow,” he instructed. The child obediently blew his nose.
It was then that Shen Qingqiu noticed a piece of paper folded into the child’s top. He drew the paper out and unfolded it.
The paper read:
To Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu,
This boy is your son. I can no longer take care of him so I am leaving him with you. Do what you want with him.
Shen Qingqiu’s jaw dropped. This boy was Shen Qingqiu’s SON??!! He shouldn’t be so surprised considering that the original goods was a lech who ran around frequenting brothels. It should be no shock that such a man had sired one, or maybe more, illegitimate children. But STILL!
System, WTF is going on? There was no such character as ‘Shen Qingqiu’s son’ in PIDW!
System is currently undergoing maintenance and cannot be reached for inquiry at the moment. Please do your best in the meantime, host! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥
Fuck your mother, you shitty System! Just what the HELL am I to do now?
Shen Qingqiu flipped the paper over, hoping for more clues, but it was blank. Poor kid really had the bad luck to have such a shitty mother. Who the FUCK leaves a toddler alone on a tall staircase, hmmm? The kid could’ve fallen and cracked his head wide open! Curse the original goods too for having such terrible taste in women!
He looked back down at the toddler, who was staring at him. “What’s your name?” he asked.
The child’s only reply was to suck on his fist. Probably too shy to answer. An awful thought struck Shen Qingqiu. Did the kid even have a name? His mother certainly hadn’t written it down in her letter. Seriously, what kind of shitty parenting is this?!
An audible growl filled the air. Shen Qingqiu suppressed a smile. It seemed like a little someone was hungry. Fortunately, he had the buns that Binghe had left for him. He’d meant to eat it in the carriage but oh well, looked like someone else needed it more. He pulled out the buns from his qiankun bag and offered one to the child.
“Here baby, have one of these. It’s delicious,” he said.
The child continued to stare mutely at him.
Shen Qingqiu almost facepalmed at himself. Of course! Stranger Danger 101: Don’t Accept Food From Strangers! He tore a piece off the bun and popped it into his mouth. Mmmm, red bean paste filling.
“See, it’s perfectly safe. Why don’t you try it?” he cooed at the child.
The boy slowly reached out for the bun, almost as if he expected Shen Qingqiu to yank away the bun at the last minute. Once he had it, he immediately stuck it into his mouth. He must’ve been very hungry because the bun disappeared faster than Shen Qingqiu would’ve expected. Shen Qingqiu passed him another bun. This too was quickly devoured, albeit slower than the first one. Watching the child eat, he wondered again what he was to do with the child. He supposed he could leave him at the nearest orphanage. He almost immediately rejected the idea. According to the Tragic Backstories of wives #53, #172 and #246, orphanages in PIDW were terrible places, rife with all sorts of abuse and mistreatment. (Wife #246’s story was frankly, a copy-paste of wife #53’s, with only the names changed. Shen Yuan had almost spat blood when he realised. He had sent Airplane-Shooting-Through-The-Sky a long vitriolic comment for that.)
Anyway, orphanages were a no-go! He couldn’t subject any child to that. Especially not one who was (technically) of his own flesh and blood! Which meant that he had to raise the kid himself. Shen Qingqiu resolutely ignored the inner screaming voice that said that the only experience he had with children this small was his younger cousins, and babysitting for a few hours was hardly comparable to actually raising a child. He’d made up his mind!
He picked up the little boy, settled him on his hip the way he used to for his younger cousins, and made his way downwards once again. It was a good thing that he was already going to town because now he could pick up things for his new son! Let’s see, what would a toddler need now? Clothes, diapers, toys, children’s books, a cot and probably a bottle or two since he doubted that PIDW had sippy cups for toddlers. He nodded to himself. Yup, that should be it. Sneaking a peek down at the child revealed that he had fallen asleep somewhere while they were going down the stairs. He smiled down at him. Ah, who could’ve been so cruel to abandon such an adorable little thing like this? Considering that he had been found on the first landing, his mother must’ve initially wanted to climb all the way up, but had then gotten cold feet about the whole thing and decided to leave her child behind. No way could this baby have climbed 250 steps all by himself, after all.
The carriage driver glanced at him, then did a double take when he saw the sleeping child in Shen Qingqiu’s arms. “Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu, if this one may be so bold to ask, where did the child come from?”
“Someone abandoned him on the first landing of the staircase,” answered Shen Qingqiu. “Did you see anyone climb up the stairs before I came?”
The man shook his head. “No one, daozhang.” He then gave a sheepish grin. “I did hear what seemed like a child crying, but I thought it must be some sort of monster nearby so I didn’t dare investigate.”
Shen Qingqiu understood. The Giant Pale Rat for instance, could imitate the sound of an infant’s cry to lure people into its den, which it would then devour.
“What are you planning to do with him, daozhang?” asked the carriage driver.
Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ll be taking him in, of course.” He got into the carriage. “Now drive.”
The carriage driver did as he said and took off. Fortunately, the child slept in his lap for the entire journey, only waking up when they reached town. Watching him blink his eyes open, Shen Qingqiu mentally crossed his fingers hoping that he wouldn’t start crying again or ask for his mother but luckily, the child did neither, only raising his arms to be carried once again.
His first stop was at a carpenter’s shop, but alas, the only thing they had were wooden cradles. So unsafe! A child could easily fall out of it, and hit their head! Perhaps this was why so many PIDW characters had low IQ. Fell out of their cradle one too many times and lost most of their brain cells! He supposed he could go to An Ding Peak tomorrow and commission the carpenters there to make a proper crib. With a sketch, to show them exactly what he wanted.
The next stop on his list was the bookstore, which contained a variety of books, but unfortunately, there were none suitable for toddlers. He did however, buy a few adventure novels for himself to read later on.
Adjusting the toddler on his hip, Shen Qingqiu moved on to the next shop on the list. All through their journey, the boy had seemed content to be carried about, turning his head to look around the town, without a peep of protest. What a well-behaved child, this boy was. His own cousins would’ve been squirming about by now, demanding to be put down so that they could run about. His mother must’ve clearly been touched in the head to want to give up such a good child.
Halfway to the ready to wear clothing store, Shen Qingqiu saw two street children sitting on the street side, begging for money. He put a few coins in their bowl and moved on.
It was at the clothing store when the boy finally spoke. Shen Qingqiu had been choosing clothes for him when there was a tug on his sleeve.
“I want that one,” he said, pointing to a pale green robe.
Shen Qingqiu shrugged and added it to the pile of clothes he was planning to buy. “Alright.”
The boy gave him a piercing look, and then pointed to a yellow robe set that was in the clothes pile. “I don’t want that one.”
Shen Qingqiu shrugged again and took it out. This earned him another piercing look, but the child fell silent again. Along with clothes, Shen Qingqiu also bought two dozen cloth diapers. He really wished that this world had Pampers, but oh well, cloth diapers couldn’t be that hard to figure out, could it?
After finishing with clothes shopping, the pair went to the toy store. Shen Qingqiu almost spat blood when he saw the contents. Great God Airplane, PIDW is a xianxia world. So please tell me, why are there teddy bears in this setting? And is that a DUPLO set?! It’s made out of wood instead of plastic, and there’s no instruction picture, but this is definitely Duplo! Airplane, you fucking hack! I swear if we ever meet, I am going to beat you to death with my fan! This is almost as bad as you having Binghe and wife #277 eating bananas in chapter 1248!
(He ended up buying the xianxia Duplo set, one of the teddy bears, along with a wooden toy boat, a stuffed cat and some building blocks).
Shen Qingqiu was just about to head back to Qing Jing Peak, when he realised that he had almost forgotten about the jade pendant he meant to buy for Binghe. And the milk bottles as well!
The bottles were easily picked up from a stall. As for the pendant, he went to the jewellery store that he had frequented before and picked out a ring-shaped jade pendant for Binghe.
“Aren’t you going to get one for your son, daozhang?” asked the shopkeeper, a plump and jovial man.
“Of course,” he hastily replied.
(Ah, the shopkeeper called him “my son”. My son! I’m too young to be a father! He mentally flailed around a bit before smacking himself. I agreed to take responsibility and that’s what I’m going to do, he told himself. Besides, look at him. Who else does this poor child have?)
He picked out a similar ring-shaped pendant and looped it around his son’s neck after paying the shopkeeper.
“Do you like it?” he asked the child.The child touched the pendant and gave a little nod.
“Good,” he replied. “Now, let’s go home.”
Halfway to the point where they were to meet the carriage driver, Shen Qingqiu felt a sudden wetness. He looked down at the child, who was stiff against him, cheeks flushed and deliberately not meeting his gaze. Ah, the baby peed on him! Peed!
Shen Qingqiu mentally slapped himself. He should have known that this was going to happen. First, this child had been sitting on the staircase for gods-know-how-long, then there was the carriage ride and then their walk through town. Of course, he was going to need to relieve himself. Shen Qingqiu should’ve taken him to the nearest latrines as soon as they got out of the carriage! Especially since he knew that toddlers had poor bladder control. Ah well, hindsight was always 20/20.
Shen Qingqiu patted the child on the head. “It’s okay, baby. I’m not mad at you. These things happen, alright?”
The toddler stared at him. “Really?”
Shen Qingqiu smiled at him. “Really. Now, let’s go clean ourselves up.”
Fortunately, there was an inn not far away from where they were. Shen Qingqiu ordered for them a room and a hot bath for both of them. While waiting for the water to be brought, he took out the toys he had bought earlier for his son to play with. The boy ignored the teddy bear and stuffed cat in favour of playing with Duplo and the building blocks, making a house and a tower only to smash it and rebuild it, all while sneaking indecipherable glances in his direction every now and then. He didn’t seem to want his father’s help, smacking his hand away and saying “no” every time Shen Qingqiu tried to add to the tower. He did allow him to pass him blocks though. The trouble only started when the inn servants brought in the tub and filled it up.
All this time, this child had been so obedient, but now confronted with the bathtub, he became stubborn. Crossing your arms and scowling so hard, my son, why are you so scared of taking a bath?
Shen Qingqiu smiled at the boy and tapped the water’s surface. “Don’t worry, baby. The water is nice and warm. Come and feel it for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
“NO!”
Shen Qingqiu took out the wooden boat he had bought earlier and waved it about. “Look, you can play with your new toy in the water.”
“NO!”
Shen Qingqiu tried again. “Listen, you’re all sweaty from all that walking about earlier and stinky from wetting yourself. A warm bath will make you all fresh and clean again. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
“NO! NO! NO!” This time, the child stamped his foot in anger.
Shen Qingqiu scratched his head. So difficult! Should he just say “screw it”, strip the boy down and then put him in the bath? Surely, he’d calm down once he realised the tub wasn’t going to eat him, right? But then again, he was unsure if he could handle washing himself and taking care of a struggling toddler at the same time. What if he accidentally let go of him and the child slipped under the water and drowned? He heard babies and toddlers could drown very easily, even in a few centimetres depth of water in a very short period of time.
Oh. Was that why this child didn’t want to take a bath?
“Is it because the tub is too big?”
He was met with silence this time and the boy looked away from him, seemingly staring at a splotch on the wall.
Bingo!
Shen Qingqiu opened the door and called for an inn servant to bring him a small stool. Said stool was brought with due haste. He then put the stool in the tub. By his estimations, a child of his son’s size sitting on the stool would be able to keep head and shoulders above the water. Sure, there’d be less space for him in the tub, but he’d manage.
“There!” he declared. “Now you don’t have to worry so much about drowning when there’s a stool for you to sit on. Now, will you take a bath?”
This time, the child nodded and went to untie his clothes. Shen Qingqiu reached out to help him, only to get his hands slapped away.
“I can do it myself!” announced the boy.
Alright, if you say so. Shen Qingqiu stripped out of his own soiled clothes.He then picked up the child who was also done and put him on the stool. To his relief, the stool was at the perfect height for the child to sit and enjoy the warm water. He reached out with a washcloth to scrub the child clean, only for the boy to grab it away from him and declare that he could do it himself and proceeded to do so.
Ah, his son was really at that age where they wanted to do everything themselves, huh?
Then came the second dilemma: putting a cloth diaper on a toddler. Earlier on, he had thought that such a thing couldn’t be too hard, but really this was a lot more complicated than he thought. His napkin was always either too loose or almost immediately, fell apart. Finally, Shen Qingqiu admitted defeat and got another inn servant to teach him how to wrap a diaper. The woman was only too happy to do so in exchange for a few coins.
Once that was done, and the two of them were finally dressed up, they finally headed back to Qing Jing peak in their carriage with Shen Qingqiu holding his son in his lap. He looked down at the boy again.
“Do you really not have a name, baby?” he asked.
The boy shrugged and looked away, fiddling with the hem of his robes. Shen Qingqiu internally wept. Lady, what kind of person are you to not even give your child a name? And you, original goods! WTF is your taste in women?!
Shen Qingqiu smiled down at the boy. “Alright, if you don’t have a name, then this baba will give you one. How about Shen Yu?”
The boy paused and then shook his head.
“Okay. What about Shen Bao?”
This earned another head shake.
“Shen Ying? Oh wait, what about Shen Meng?”
At this, the boy screwed up his face like he had just bitten into a lemon, shook his head violently and yelled “NO!”
Welp, that was him all out of options for now. Perhaps he should have picked up a book of baby names while he was in the bookstore.
It was dark by the time they got back. A good thing too, or else he would have to deal with Ning Yingying and all his other disciples fluttering about him, curious about his new son. It would be very awkward to admit that the toddler didn’t have a name yet. Then again, his disciples would likely have a lot of options for what to name him. That could wait for tomorrow though. He alerted the kitchens to prepare two meals for dinner, which was sent quickly to the Bamboo House.
Shen Qingqiu internally wept as he dug into the food. Qing Jing’s normal cuisine was just so bland! Did the original goods just hate flavour or something? Having to eat this just made him miss his little white lotus even more. Binghe, please finish your night hunt quickly! This master already misses your cooking.
He eyed the little boy who was sitting next to him, eating quietly though albeit a little clumsily with the chopsticks. (He had tried to feed the child earlier, only to have the toddler insist once again that he could do it himself). Ah, it had been a worry that this child wouldn’t like the food and refuse to eat. Luckily, he didn’t seem to be a picky eater. Shen Qingqiu noted that he had gotten some sauce on his cheek. He took out another handkerchief and gently dabbed the sauce away. His son gave him an inscrutable look but continued eating.
Once they were done eating and the dishes had been put away, the boy looked at him, visibly steeled himself and said, “We need to talk.”
Shen Qingqiu smiled down at him. “Oh? What is it that you want to talk about?”
“This.” The child’s eyes narrowed. “Just what are you playing at, body thief?”