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Leaving his vision behind wasn’t an easy decision, but there was no use keeping it just for the sake of it.
He had learned many things after his father´s death, although the hardest pill to swallow was that his ambitions weren’t his.
He had always lived through his father´s lens. Everything he did was just a smaller reflection of what he wanted, of what he desired and dreamt. People tended to say he was a carbon copy of father; like a tiny Master Crepus. There was some depth to that statement that only Diluc could recognize.
He sought power and leadership, but only to protect those in need. Being a knight of Favonious was the greatest goal he was never able to achieve. So, he did what he thought was best; train Diluc. Immerse with him in the art of battle and all its intricacies, make him master various weapons just because.
Now Diluc wasn’t only a capable child, but was also very eager to make his father proud. He spent everyday learning everything he could teach him. He did it for himself, since he was a very curious kid, but also for father.
With all his wits, talent and determination he was able to make it really far into his father´s dreams. Maybe too far. He got his vision at ten, which easily paved the way for him to become Cavalry captain at fourteen, the youngest there ever was. He could’ve been Acting Grand Master someday, had Varka allowed it.
He got all he had dreamed about. Or was it all father wanted?
Somewhere along the way, the fine line between his father´s expectations and Diluc´s own dreams had blurred. Who was he doing all of this for again?
Was the vision his? Or was he a mere vessel meant to hold his old father´s aspirations?
Diluc truly was Crepus´ reflection.
For a long time during his journey across teyvat, he felt empty and futile. An aimless device that only held resentment and heartache. It took many life-threatening situations for the vessel to become an individual with a sense of self.
He traversed countless villages and slain every fatui encampment he saw. After some time, he realized he found happiness in helping those in need. From delivering silly orders in small cities, to shielding those same citizens from the evil that kept spreading and then healing the injured while battling by his side.
In the absence of his father’s expectations, he was able to discover certain passions that would’ve stayed hidden hadn’t he left Mondstadt. Fontaine’s technological prowess captured his interest every time he came across an invention he had never seen before. Initially he planned on remaining in Fontaine for just a fortnight, to keep away from the abyss and the fatui while he rested. He saw his plans altered after entering Fontaine’s infamous library. Diluc would spend hours on end reading about the intricacies of their art, mesmerized at this region’s monumental development.
However, no matter how invested he was, he had to resume his journey. With the continuous change of seasons came his change of heart. What once felt like a knife stabbing a dense void now felt like a renewed and blazing fire that yearned to aid.
Part of him resented his dear father, for all Diluc´s attempts to grow and explore what life had to offer were stymied by none other than the person he cherished the most. However, it’s impossible to hate him; he could never replace the beautiful memories they shared.
Diluc still remembers the day Crepus urged him to mix his first drink. He lay the needed ingredients before him and said not a word. Diluc was very young back then, thus the only beverage he could come up with was a simple fruit punch. His father watched closely as he rummaged through the fruits; an apple, orange and some apricots, adding water and a little sugar to give the drink the sweet taste it had.
He could never forget his father´s face after he tried the beverage. He barely moved a muscle, but pride was written all over his face.
Its bittersweet. He cherishes all the love his father gave him, and the countless memories they made. Yet he can’t help but hold a grudge against him. The only doors that seemed open for him were the ones his father’s wishes weren’t blocking. Sure, he learned useful skills such as archery or leadership, that came in handy for his work as a knight and his later trip.
But what about the rest of activities he was supposed to discover? Hadn’t he been guided by Crepus for so long, he would’ve discovered his passion for the arts during his youth. Maybe he would’ve been better at playing chess.
Maybe he wouldn’t bear such a lonesome existence in the present.
Would things be different now, had he been less focused on training and had been left more liberty to do what his heart yearned to do? Maybe he´d still be friends with Jean. Or Klee wouldn’t address him as ¨the weird grown-up¨. Maybe he’d know how to fix things with Kaeya.
There’s no use in musing about the past since there’s no way of changing it. What matters is what he does from this point forward. His priorities now lie clear in front of him: protecting his homeland and mending past friendships.
With distinct intents now in his heart, he decided to return to the winery. He trusted Adelinde, Elzer and the rest of his employees had taken care of it properly, even if they truly had no reason to. He owed them more than a small favor for that.
He couldn’t deny the fact he had changed beyond recognition in those three years he had been away, but nothing would stop him from hoping that maybe, just maybe, he still held a spot in the heart of his loved ones. There were many things he had to repair and apologize for, no matter if he was forgiven or not.
Upon his return, he started wielding his vision again. Maybe it was the light from Mondstadt’s blazing sun, or maybe it was his renewed passion, but he had never seen a pyro vision shine so bright.
The road toward finding yourself wasn’t an easy one, nor was it short-lived. But Diluc found himself halfway there, willing to do anything it took to get to the end. Whenever that was.