Work Text:
25th February XXXX
Lee Minho from Stray Kids dies of unknown reason.
"Unknown reason?! WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS-"
"Bin, will you keep it down, plea-"
"NO! Fuck-NO, HYUNG! I WON'T WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Are you just gonna leave it like this? Is this how you take care of us-"
"Changbin-hyung, I think that's enough... Let's just go..."
Changbin does not try to argue with Jeongin, even if he was ready to throw a fit, seeing the little one of the group without his pretty and warm smile is enough to shut Changbin's running mouth. The rapper looks at Chan who's still sitting with his head in his hands, gripping his beanie so hard to the point of messing up all the hard work of that morning to cover up those dirty curls.
Not that Chan is usually that dirty himself, but Minho's death has thrown everyone into a kinda weird routine.
Chan did not shower ever since, so he's covered in the not-so-delightful smell of a week without proper cleaning. He just didn't have any power left and it showed pretty much. Even Chan was not able to mask his hurt feelings and pain, but most of all he just tried to repress the scariest drive: anger.
Jisung, among all of them, looked like a way for Chan's anger to get out of his body: Jisung snapped quickly when he was talked to and he kept thowing things to keep others at distance... At least at first, but then Jisung's anger became violent in a different way, until he closed himself in Minho's room. Not that Chan could've expected differently. Jisung rage was totally understandable, but Chan was scared that anger alone would not be of any help to Jisung.
It's true that at least Jisung realised Minho's death: Seungmin didn't. A week passed from Minho's death, but Seungmin just kept denying it. He cried his eyes out after two days and just then he decided to get out of his bedroom.
At first Chan did try to comfort him, rubbing his back up and down through the big comfy covers, but all he got back was a series of: "It's not true... It can't be true... You're lying... This is a fucking lie... Why are you trying to trick me? It's not funny! Just make Minho-hyung come out of where he's hiding...", and so on.
Deny was all Seungmin seemed to see. Even after he came out of his bedroom he kept preparing food for four people instead of three.
At least his great food was not going to waste: Jisung was in their dorm anyway. He wasn't open to leave Minho's deck. Jisung was the only one to enter Minho's bedroom, along with Felix.
There was something weird about Felix and his reaction. Chan thought it would've gone really bad for the little sunshine, but Felix took it pretty well, for what it is. He cried, but recovered after two days. At the fourth day he knocked at Minho's door and Jisung let him in. Weird enough, but nobody really questioned it.
Not when Changbin was in a full crisis trying to get pieces of information everywhere, going on the crime scene, questioning every Police officer and yelling at Chan, just because he himself won't accept Minho's death.
Everyone deals differently, but Changbin just tries to stay busy, keeping a look on the Police, on the case, on the media, on their company and on his members. Maybe not fully accepting it was just a consequence of being too busy, but Chan was sure he would be cracking up soon.
And soon enough, his screaming in the studio seemed a step forward to acceptance. But Jeongin probably just stopped that path. Chan isn't mad about it. He doesn't have the energy to. So he lets Jeongin relise his depression though his words.
Maybe Jeongin needs this too: he needs to talk. As soon as the news came along Jeongin shut down. He became silent and seemed down to not speaking again. He was left to deal with it for a day and a half, until Jisung snapped at him and all Jeogin was able to do was to stand there, his mug shattered in pieces on the floor and all his tea soaking the hem of his too long joggers. His immobility was so much of a shook that even Jisung snapped out of his trance of anger and tried to get closer to the little one to talk to him.
Jeongin didn't say a word that day, and the day after when Felix went to knock at his door to feed him, or when Changbin tried to take him out for a walk the day after that. He started to speak again just at day six since Minho's death. He didn't say much, but the little 'thanks for the meal' when Chan brought food over at their dorm was enough to lessen the burden on the oldest.
And his words on this day seven are just a blessing, so Chan can't stop them.
The oldest doesn't hear the two boys leave, but he surely feels Hyunjin's heavy breath as soon as he comes into the studio unannounced.
"Hyung, we should go to the gym this evening. I wanna try something new... What about your gym routine?"
And here we have Hyunjin trying to forget. Chan knows that Hyunjin has being cooping like this: going around doing whatever he feels like doing at the moment trying not to think of Minho.
He's the one who kept more distance from Minho's bedroom, even from the dorm itself, letting go of his precious need of seeing Felix. He let go of that to stay away from anything that could remind him of Minho.
Even dancing became hard to Hyunjin, Chan saw it: the taller did not book the dance studio since Minho's death, when usually he would be in one of them pretty much every day.
Hyunjin is a dramatic person and a sensible creature, but Chan can swear he's not seen Hyunjin cry in the past week. Maybe a few tears, but Hyunjin probably isn't able to deal with the news right now. It came out as a shook and his mind just repressed it, like the news were really too much.
So Hyunjin's doing fine as for now, but Chan doesn't know what will happen when they'll attend the funeral. And he's scared of it.
"Hyuung! Are you listening to me?"
Hyunjin whines with his high pitched voice, just like a kid. Chan lets out a groan out of frustration, but Hyunjin takes it as a go for it, so he starts again telling the older about his day.
"And then I went to a Café, it was nice! Do you remember the place we went to eat with Changbin-hyung and Minho-hyung? It's near that one!"
He chirps, but fastly deflates. His words hit him hard, Chan is sure of it and he's angered with Hyunjin's head to have brought up Minho, but he can't find it in himself to start a fight.
He finally sits straight and turns around to face Hyunjin who's seated on the couch behind Chan's desk. And there it is, the lost Hyunjin that Chan was waiting to see.
Hyunjin looks up at him with glassy eyes that scream confusion and hurt. Chan sighs and opens his arms letting Hyunjin decide what to do with that. But Chan does nothing else: he doesn't smile, he doesn't try to comfort Hyunjin, doesn't try to make him talk. It's not like he has any energy to do so.
Hyunjin sniffles, but doesn't cry. He gets up and sits in Chan's lap, trying to fit his big body on the chair. He makes himself little, or at least he tries. Chan welcomes him in his heat, circles Hyunjin's huge body with his arms and stays there, listening to the taller's sounds. Hyunjin doesn't move, his head tucked in Chan's chest, his ear right on Chan's heart.
"Can't you make your heart beat louder? It's too silent."
He whispers after a bit, his voice little and airy. Scared, that's what Hyunjin sounds, so scared that Chan is scared for him too. The older doesn't reply, so after a bit he hears again:
"Don't wanna listen to my thoughts. Please..."
Chan turns around and takes his headphones to silently put them on Hyunjin's ears. The taller accepts them quitely and just listens to whatever song Chan stats.
Chan thinks to go with something soothing, but at the same time powerful, and what's better that Jisung's demos for that? So he goes for it and listens to Hyunjin relax in his hold.
The silence covers the studio once again and Chan finally decides to close his eyes. He'd been too scared to do so in the past week, but with Hyunjin in his lap, he thinks he can handle a little nightmare to get some sleep.
As soon as he closes his eyes he sees red: actually normal, since the lights are on in the studio. But after a bit he sees how that red becomes his inner anger manifesting right before him. He's so angered by this situation: Minho's death, or better said, Minho's murder.
Changbin's right, it's not fair to say Minho died of unknown reason: they know, the Police knows, the Judge knows, the company knows, other idols know, all of Stray Kids know and Minho's parents know. They all know Minho has been murdered, they know who's been and why.
But they have to shut up because the company's scared of everybody else's reaction. Chan just doesn't find it fair: Stays have the right to know too. The whole world must know who decided to murder their Minho, his one and only Minho.
He's angry because the last time he saw Minho he didn't say 'I love you', he didn't even hug him. Chan knows his anger is irrational, but how could you blame him?
Anger is not rational itself, it's a consequence of hurting and not knowing how to deal with hurt. At least everybody else found a way to deal with it, but he's just standing there, angered by everything. He doesn't like it, but he can't find any way out.
"H-HYUNG! C-Chan-hyung! We... We have a problem..."
Seungmin barges in the room almost screaming, his voice rasp and not clear as always. Chan snaps his eyes open to look at Seungmin who is by the door bent over with his hands on his knees. He's obviously been running, Chan thinks, but he doesn't have the time to ask about it, when he sees Jeongin right behind him with tears in his eyes and trembling limbs.
Chan eases Hyunjin off and sits him on the couch. Hyunjin has his eyes closed and his mouth open around his thumb. He seems asleep, and at least there's something Chan doesn't have to worry about. He goes straight out of his studio, closing the door and approaching Jeongin with open arms. Chan tries the same technique that worked with Hyunjin on Jeongin, but he's not too faithful. The little one looks at him with wide open eyes. Scared. He's scared.
"Why is Jeongin scared?" Chan tries to keep his cool as he slowly faces Seungmin. He can do it, he did it until now. It's ok if Jeongin cries or if he doesn't talk, but it's not ok if he's scared.
"Jisung and Felix-"
"I asked WHY IS JEONGIN SCARED! I don't care what those two did! WHY IS HE SO ON THE EDGE?"
"Hyung... They-They took revenge..."
Chan's head snaps torwads Jeongin so fast it's a matter of luck that his neck doesn't crack. Confused, Chan looks into Jeongin eyes looking for something, anything that could possibly explain what he means.
"What?"
"Jisung and Felix... They... They took revenge... For... For Minho-hyung's death."
Jeongin's whimpering voice is what really makes those words sink into Chan's head. He's frozen for a bit too much, since Jeongin gaze is now wandering around Chan's face just like the older's was doing before.
"Where are those two right now?"
"Police station."
"FUCK. Are they with someone?"
"I don't think so... Felix has just called me."
Chan makes himself breath deeply before he says anything else. He needs to stay calm right know and take his fucking position of leader.
"Well, then, I'm going there. You two stay here with Hyunjin. He was not feeling good before, I think he just needs some distraction. I'm going to see those two."
He tells Seungmin while facing the studio door.
Then he looks at Jeongin and opens his arms again. The little one finally accepts a little hug, even if maybe it's not accepting, but just giving Chan reassurance and support. Chan appreciates it nonetheless.
Then he goes to Seungmin and looks at him apologetically.
"Sorry for snapping."
Seungmin smiles in tiny, but it's enough reassurance for Chan and somehow it's heart warming how Seungmin's being responsable right now. He'd been denying Minho's death for so long, but maybe he was just slowly approaching the matter. Maybe he's the one who reacted better: cried his eyes out and slowly tried to live with it. Honestly, Chan is just happy Seungmin's here right now.
"I'm going, then... Ah, don't tell Hyunjin and Changbin. Don't won't any crisis for now."
Seungmin nods and goes to grab Jeongin and lead him inside Chan's studio. They'll be fine, Chan thinks, they have to be until he comes back.
Chan takes a taxi and literally runs inside Seoul's Police station. An officer stops him right after the main entrance. Chan doesn't have time to lose and quickly explains why he's there in such a state, with his black clothes and his beanie hanging how they want. But he doesn't care, the officer doesn't seem to care either, but he surely cares about Chan's smelling since he points it out.
"Sir, you should go home and rest."
"Did I not make myself clear? I have to talk to Han Jisung and Lee Felix. I know they're here. They were taken in. Please."
"No one is allowed here, sir. Are you their guardian?"
"How could I? They're fucking adults! Those two are going to prison, for God's sake! I want to see them!"
"Sir, you need to calm down first. I already told you no one can-"
But as the Police officer goes on to say whatever he thinks would make Chan fuck off, Chan sees the two he was looking for.
He sees Jisung and Felix passing in the hallway that Chan is facing. He sees them: hands cuffed and dirty, their shoes worn out and muddy, their pants and shirts stained with what Chan can only imagine is blood. The picture itself is horrible and makes Chan whimper.
But what really throws Chan off are their expressions. Jisung and Felix are looking straight before them, their heads held high, as if they were proud of where they were. Their looks smug, but with different shades behind: Jisung looks worn out, he looks hurt, tired but proud anyway; Felix looks sad and resigned, but his posture shows his satisfaction for what he did.
All of this sends a shiver down Chan's spine, as if he was scared of those two creatures. He doesn't recognise them, they look so different now that they're painted with hurt and saddness, they look so big, so much older than their age.
They look so indifferent, but Chan can't find in himself to lecture them because deep inside he's proud of them too. They did what they thought was right and they probably won't regret it.
Chan is scared of this part of them, but all he can do when they turn around, as if Chan called their names, and they look at him with those hurt and proud expressions, all Chan can do is smile.
Chan finally smiles and there is nothing more absurd to do it when those two idiot twins have just taken revenge for Minho's murder.