Chapter Text
M4S-8A4 was a pretty boring planet, by all accounts, but when Sheppard approached a symmetrical rock formation 15 clicks away from the stargate, it suddenly became more interesting. McKay quickly followed him into the now-exposed tunnel while Ronon looked bored near the entry way.
A wall on the far side of the cave was illuminated when Sheppard made his way in another 20 feet.
"Fascinating, " McKay whispered to the stone, his eyes darting around the faded ancient writing.
"What?" Sheppard inquired, curious.
From the entrance to the cave, they heard Ronon's gruff voice yelling "Are we gonna get out of here? It's pork chops back at Atlantis. "
"Let Rodney speak," Sheppard yelled back.
McKay, meanwhile, was rambling with no regard for their exchange.
"…Atractia potentia, and the last part blew off. "
Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck. "My ancient sucks, what's that mean?"
"Attraction potential."
"Everything you wish you had, " the colonel teased.
"HEY! I AM ENGAGED!" Rodney shouted, getting red in the face.
"Doesn't change the fact, but… what is it?" Sheppard was saying as he came closer to the wall. His fingers reached out to touch the crystal that was exposed on the half-blown up device. McKay eyed him nervously.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
The writing on the wall glowed briefly and a warbling sound emitted from the crystal. They felt, more that heard, a staticky crackling noise that seemed to burrow inside their heads and get louder.
The following moment, everything was silent.
Another moment later, and they were surrounded by the sounds of people chatting around them in varying degrees of loudness.
Sheppard, McKay and Ronon were sitting on the smooth pleather clad benches of a diner. Yellow light broke in through the dusty windows partially hidden by blinds. It must have been afternoon. The air smelled of meat and a hint of sweetness that Sheppard recognized immediately. McKay sat wide-eyed next to him.
"ALRIGHT!" John beamed, and slapped McKay companionably on the back. Ronon seemed content, they were seated in a corner booth and he had his back to the wall, watching as a woman wearing a red and black checkered shirt approached them. She smiled wide at the men, her wavy blonde hair bouncing as she leaned in and spoke to the colonel.
"Gotcha three today?"
"JUSTINE! MY LADY!" Sheppard grinned at her as if she was his long lost friend, earning a jealous side-eye from Rodney.
"Who's the new hot friend?" Justine asked, raising an eyebrow and waving her notepad at Ronon.
"Ronon, careful he bites... "
The waitress didn't seem intimidated.
"Look, you know what I want," Sheppard continued. "Full rack for each of us and a bottle of Jameson. EXTRA coleslaw this time, like for real. "
"ARCLIGHT IN THE HOUSE WOOOP!" Justine shouted in the direction of the bar before leaving with a parting smile.
"This place smells good. Booze?" The Satedan was clearly enjoying himself.
"We're gonna drink this place dry," John replied, looking pleased with himself. Rodney, however, just looked panicked.
His voice was edging an octave higher as he whined, "What is going on how are we here, how does she know you?" Before he could continue to ramble, Ronon interrupted him.
"Does it matter, this place has booze and he's paying. "
"Yes, It matters!" Mckay insisted.
"Oh man, I was just thinking about how badly I wanted Ribs from Frank's." John sighed wistfully. He seemed to be ignoring Rodney and savoring the atmosphere when their bottle of Jameson arrived with three clean shot glasses. Ronon began pouring them to the rim.
"Okay, yes but where are we?" Rodney asked as John and Ronon were taking the first shot.
"Tampa." Sheppard said, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. McKay rolled his eyes. Ronon poured another round and scooted Rodney's glass closer to him, almost to be knocked over by the man's flailing hands.
"HOW?" Rodney was screeching as he started to get up. A couple in the booth next to them turned and gave him the stink eye. A calendar on the wall next to their heads clearly said August 2001.
"How are we on Earth." He continued, quieter.
"Does it matter, it smells good and he's paying." Ronon jerked his thumb at Sheppard, who flashed his teeth.
"I never said I was paying."
The two taller men consumed at least 3 more shots by Rodney's count before they saw the waitress and her brunette lookalike come over with plates full of babyback ribs.
"Now this, this is AWESOME!" Sheppard declared, grabbing a rack and shoving it into his mouth. Ronon quickly followed suit. McKay sat back with his arms crossed.
"And you're not the least bit concerned. Typical. "
"I'm with him, I've never had anything like this. " Ronon was saying in between bites.
"C'mon McKay, live a little. " John nudged him with his elbow. McKay apprehensively looked at his plate and tentatively picked up one side of the rack with his thumb and index finger. The meat neatly separated from the bone, leaving him with just one single rib and a big chunk of meat on it. He sighed and resigned himself to a bite.
"These are good... I'll give you that. But doesn't it bother you? "
"I wanted ribs, McKay. " Sheppard growled, mouth full.
"We were literally thousands of lightyears and years away from this. "
"I wanted ribs."
It doesn't take them longer than 10 minutes to polish off the remainder of the ribs, coleslaw and Jameson. Ronon helped himself to the half rack Rodney didn't finish. They wiped off their hands with some wet wipes that were conveniently located in a basket at the end of the table and Sheppard leaned back, looking content.
"And you know what I want now? I want some of that cake my mum used to…"
The three of them were now standing in a lavishly appointed kitchen, surrounded by dark cherry kitchen cabinets, endless granite countertops and gleaming stainless steel appliances. Sheppard let out a confused "Huh?" but quickly regained his composure and stalked towards the double door fridge.
"Oh this is not good, not good." McKay whispered to himself in alarm. John shot him a look which said 'Stop overreacting.'
"No one else should be home right now, so we sneak the pie out of the fridge eat all of it and then boom back to... I have no idea what we were doing before this. "
John opened the fridge expectantly and pulled out a tinfoil covered round dish. "Aha! There we go!" he whispered and lifted the foil, the scent of cherries filled the kitchen. It was covered in white fondant with a spilling pile of cherries on top, but when Sheppard cut a slice for Rodney and Ronon, they saw that inside the cake's two tier layers were what looked to be two cherry pies.
"And you have no idea what we were doing before this?" McKay said, eyeing the cake/pie combo suspiciously. "AND YOU REALLY THINK WE JUST WALKED IN HERE? THAT WE DIDN'T THIS IS BAD THIS IS BAD!" The scientist's voice was rising in pitch and octave and his face was getting redder and redder. John just shrugged.
"Eh live a little Rodney. "
The panicked man continued, "We were in Tampa, eating ribs... "
"That's not possible. "
"But we were. "
"They were delicious. " Ronon nodded.
Bored with the discussion, Sheppard picked up his large sliver of the cake and shoved it into his mouth.
"Oh my god... I missed this. Ronon…" At this point, his mouth was too full so he just gestured with his cake covered hands for Ronon to join in, who gladly obliged. Rodney looked on, disappointed.
"At least use a fork. "
"Rodney…" Sheppard growled. Half the cake was now gone.
"So what do you remember? "
"Well we were on Atlantis...." John volunteered in between bites, "And then we were here and I really wanted that cake pie my mum made for my brother's rowing team."
"And you... have no problem with the fact that we walked into your house in...?"
"Houston."
"Oh that's great." McKay's arms were crossed over his chest again and he was pacing the length of the kitchen. Ronon helped himself to the slice John had cut for him. It was clear that Rodney was not in the mood for cake. Or pie.
"Yeah, I was sixteen years old. I just came back from hanging out with Wendy…"
"That's the girl you said…"
"Not now, I'm enjoying this. " John snapped at Rodney.
"But she... "
"She's the one that pantsed you, right?" Ronon offered.
"Well, yeah, but this was before... This is when I thought I had a chance with her. Okay? Don't spoil this, guys. "
"So you... you are making us relive your memories because you are hungry?" Rodney sounded exasperated.
"I'm having fun. " Ronon volunteered, before digging into another slice of cake.
John frowned in Rodney's direction.
"No... we were on Atlantis, then we were here. "
"That's not what happened at all. "
"Rodney…"
"Yes?"
"Are you going to ruin this for me?" Sheppard was glaring at McKay in full force now.
"You said Wendy pantsed you literally the next day that one time you told us about this cake. Now I get to try it. Win win. " Ronon was smiling. He had never looked more peaceful, the only thing missing, in his mind, was someone to kill.
"No, see you said... you wanted ribs, then we went to Tampa to get ribs... then you wanted... " McKay trailed off, and jabbed his finger into Sheppard's shoulder a few seconds later. "You touched something... Didn't you?"
"That's not what happened," John insisted.
"Whatever, this is delicious. " Ronon interjected, ignoring the bickering pair.
"Don't enable him. "
"You know what we need? A delicious drink," Sheppard said slyly. When Rodney turned around, the kitchen island had a large gleaming tray with a big glass pitcher full of lemonade on it. Ronon obligingly poured two cups of the sweet citrus drink as McKay backed away in terror. Ronon took a sip of the drink and nodded his head in approval. John, however, was lost in thought.
"So you're saying, I did something and.... as long as I want it and know what it is, we'll go there... "
"No I did not say…" Rodney began, but he was quickly cut off.