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“Barney, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure Norma. You don’t have to ask.”
“You think Health & Safety is hot right?”
“…As concepts? I don’t think something needs to be ‘sexy’ to be necessary, you know? Like it could just be health and safety. Is this about-”
“What? No. I mean you think Logs is hot, right?”
His cheeks rapidly turned red. “…Courtney, you can pretend to be someone this accurately? I’m impressed.”
“I’m not Courtney!”
His confusion appeared more in his expression than his embarrassment. “Yes, I think Logs is hot. But Norma, why are you asking me this?”
“Well…” Norma started picking at her own fingers. “How do you talk to him?”
“…What do you mean? We just talk about the things we’re interested in.”
“Yes, yes. That’s all fine. I looked that up ages ago. I meant how do you talk to him. Even though you think he’s hot.”
“Huh? What is this- Oh wait. Norma, are you trying to talk to a hot person? Who? Who!?”
“Actually, I don't want to have this conversation.”
“Is it Badyah? Please say it’s Badyah.”
“Barney Guttman! You leave this haunted house this instant!”
“Awe! Norma, It’s ok! This is too adorable. Just talk to her like you have been all summer!” Norma swore she heard him mumble “It’s finally happening.” under his breath. Pugsley sat there silently, yet violently wagging his tale. He was afraid if he added anything to the conversation, Norma would get scared and stop talking.
“But I can’t talk to her like normal now. It’s too late.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s hot now!” Norma clenched a fist in frustration.
“Ok. I see. She wasn’t hot before, so it was easy to talk to her-“
“No.”
“It was easier to talk to her, and now that you like her, you don’t know what to do again.”
“Thank you. I’m glad you understand.”
“What if you tried-“
“And don’t come at me with any ‘flirting’ nonsense. She doesn’t like me back so that’s a moot point.”
“Awe Norma. Why do you think she doesn’t like you back?”
“Well, I know she doesn’t because…” She turned her face down in dejection.
“Come on, Norma, you can tell me. There’s no judgment here.”
“Well, it’s just she’s been… She doesn't hold my hand anymore, or cling to my arm during scary movies, or stand too close to me during group chats anymore. She stands a respectable distance from me now because that’s the only feeling she has for me. Respect.” Norma crossed her arms in disappointment.
“I don’t think she does that cause she doesn’t like you. She only does that because you flinch anytime she tries to do anything.”
“Yah. Because she’s touching me! How else are you supposed to react? Oh my god. That’s it. I started freaking out way more after she turned hot, didn’t I? But that’s only because attractive people are way more scary that normal people. Oh god I’m pushing her away. Literally. Barney. What do I do!?”
“…Double date? I could help you out.” Norma detested the eagerness on Barney’s face.
“I would rather die.”
“I believe that. Ok. We can solve this. I’m not gunna tell you to stop flinching or anything.”
“Then you would be one of the first.” Norma looked like she just punched herself with her own comment. Barney couldn’t hide his look of concern for his friend.
“Well, I see two options forward. One would be straight up telling her what she was doing was fine. Tell her it doesn’t actually bother you.”
…
“Stop making your ‘kill me now’ face. Option two would be… You know what? Nevermind. Your gunna hate that more than the first option.”
“Just tell me.”
“Well, if she thinks you’re scared to hold hands, then you gotta hold her hand. You wouldn’t hold her arm during a scary movie obviously, but maybe you could stand close to Badyah.”
“Barney.”
“I know Norma! You hugged her once and had a weeklong meltdown about it in the aftermath. But listen. You just gotta hold her hand once or twice, then she’ll start holding your hand like normal. I promise.”
“…How do you know that will happen?”
“Because, well… I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Then you don’t know, do you!?”
“Wait! Here’s another idea. I tell Logs to tell Badyah that it’s all fine, and then boom. Problem solved and you don’t even have to initiate anything.”
“No.”
“Awe man. I thought you might actually like that one.”
“Badyah’s gunna ask Health & Safety how he knows that. Then he’s gunna say you, and then she’s gunna wonder why you know this. Then she’ll know it’s because I told you. Then She’s gunna wonder why I told you this. And then boom. Something’s exploded and it can’t be fixed and It’s all over.”
“…Um.”
“So this is what you’ve given me. These are my options. 1. Ask for Badyah to initiate physical contact with me, 2. Initiate physical contact with Badyah myself, or 3. Death.”
“I don’t like the way you phrased any of those.”
“I’m sorry, I just, hate them all so much. I need time to think which one’s best.”
“I think you should try giving Badyah head scratches and belly rubs. I’ve found those are the best ways to be touched.” Pugsley interrupted, excited to be helpful.
Norma immediately stood up, a deep blush forming on her face.
“No Norma! Don’t go! I’ll make Pugsley go!”
“Hey! I was just giving her good ideas!”
Norma wasn’t gunna mess up further and say anymore right now. She silently walked toward the front door.
While ignoring the other’s cries for forgiveness, Norma was just inches away from being slammed in the face by the front door of the haunted house. She was able to notice and step back just in the nick of time.
“Hey- Oh! Sorry Norma! You ok?” Logs asked on the other side of the doorway.
“Yah I’m fine.” Norma reassured him. She hated when people worried about her. She quickly regretting saying that however, because after Logs entered through to get to Barney, Badyah walked into Norma’s field of vision. “Deathslide?” She wasn’t fine at all. She was going to die.
“Hi Norma.” Badyah smiled at her.
That smile sent a shock through Norma, her fear clearly showing through the deep blush on her face. She hated hot people.
Badyah looked concerned. “Are you sure you’re fine?”
No. She already said she wasn’t. At least she thought it. But she couldn’t say that. Norma was scared, but she was even more scared of pushing Badyah away. But, but what could she do!?
…
Norma grabbed Badyah’s hand.
…
She looked up, Studying Badyah’s face. Badyah became nervous under Her hyper-focused stare.
…
Norma let go of her hand. She mumbled a curse directed toward Barney before rushing out of the house.
She heard three sperate voices yell “Wait!” She was expecting to hear Barney and Pugsley. She was not expecting Badyah to say it too, grabbing Norma’s hand to stop her from escaping. Norma didn’t know how to process the idea that Badyah wanted her to stay.
Once Badyah was positive Norma had come to a complete stop, she quickly let go of her hand. “I’m sorry! It’s just, uh, where are you going?” She smiled, trying to recover.
Norma stared at the hand Badyah just grabbed. Huh, maybe Barney did know something.