Work Text:
Before he even set foot outside, Radar knew that something was wrong. Oddly enough, it wasn’t the impending arrival of choppers, which most likely would be carrying dozens of wounded. This was something much more portentous.
He rose from his chair and hurried out of the building, stopping to reassure his teddy bear that he’d be back momentarily. But when he stepped outside, he realized that the scene was worse than he’d imagined. The skies were no longer blue, but a mixture of black, green and grey. A storm was coming, and it was a bad one.
He tried not to panic as he ran back into the building and headed straight to Colonel Potter’s office. The Colonel was on the phone and Radar knew better than to interrupt. The phone call was important, no matter who was on the other end, but this just couldn’t wait. He stood rocking back and forth on his heels, his heart thumping.
The Colonel was laughing, his head thrown back, oblivious to what was happening outside. Who was Radar to interrupt Colonel Potter’s happiness. But when he glanced out of the window, his fears grew.
“Colonel Potter?”
“Just a minute, Radar.”
“But Colonel..”
“Radar, I’m on the phone!”
“I can see that sir, but this is important!”
Colonel Potter sighed irritably, a sign that Radar would be in big trouble if he didn’t start explaining himself.
“Mildred, I’ll have to call you back. Oh… That’s right. You’re leaving for Florida for two weeks. Well, have a good time, dear and call me as soon as you return. Give my love to your sister.” He slammed the phone into the base and glared at Radar, who flinched.
Oh geez, of all the people in the world, why did he pick that moment to be talking to his wife?
“What is it Radar? And you’d better have a damned good explanation for interrupting my phone call! You know I don’t get to talk to Mildred very often and now it’ll be at least two weeks before I can talk to her again!”
“I know sir, and I’m really sorry, but-.”
A gust of heavy wind rattled the building and Radar stiffened. “The storm’s here, sir.”
“So it is. Well, I’d better get everyone started on battening down the hatches as they say.”
“Yes sir.”
“Radar, go around to the tents and make sure that everyone’s accounted for.”
Radar froze. “O-outside?”
“That’s where the storm is.”
“Yes, sir.”
But when he walked outside and felt the unusually cold wind hit his face, he began to panic. Forgetting all about the order given to him by Colonel Potter, he turned right and ran straight for the cages. Panicking, he realized that he didn’t know what to do. His animals were there, probably scared and cold, wondering what was happening. He couldn’t just leave them there.
“I’m coming Babette, Fluffy… Spanky!” he yelled, rushing toward them.
The wind grew stronger and became so forceful that the cages began to tip over. He worked frantically to set them upright, but the wind was just too much.
“HELP!” he yelled. “PLEASE! SOMEONE, HELP!”
He was doing his best to comfort his animals, but suddenly he wanted to cry. What if something happened to them? Oh, he knew he was supposed to be helping out his fellow comrades, but in a spot, they could take care of themselves. Babette, Fluffy, Spanky and the others could not.
“HELP! PLEASE!” He yelled again.
Rain began to fall in huge drops; a sign that the storm was about to become very, very bad. He shivered in the cold air, but barely noticed the way the rain fogged his glasses making it impossible to see. He pulled off his jacket and did his best to drape it over the cages in a desperate effort to save them.
“HELP!” He looked around in a panic. No one was to be found, but that was to be expected. The wind was picking up and so was the rain. And he began to get very, very scared.
“Radar! Radar!”
Overcome with relief to hear his name, he turned around. “Klinger! Thank God!”
“What in the heck are you doing out here? You’re gonna get yourself killed!”
“Well, that’s okay. I mean, it’s not.. I don’t want to die, but what about them!?”
Klinger shot him a sympathetic look. “Oh…”
“Please help me, Klinger! I can’t lose them! I can’t!”
Horrified, Radar began to cry, prompting Klinger to pull him into a quick hug. “All right, I’m sorry. Colonel Potter was looking for you. Just stay here. I’ll let him know that you’re all right. He wanted to know why you hadn’t done what he asked.”
Radar stiffened. “Oh…I bet he’s pretty mad, isn’t he?”
Klinger shook his head. “Nah, not mad, just worried. Stay here. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Okay, but please hurry!”
Thunder cracked and lightening streaked across the sky, causing the lights to flicker. Radar poked his fingers into each cage, stroking the animal’s fur. They were probably in such a state of shock that he was in danger of being bitten but he didn’t care. “I’m so sorry… really! I hope you guys don’t hate me! I-.”
A group of voices could be heard from behind and he turned around, almost fainting with relief at the scene. Coming toward him were his friends, Hawkeye, BJ, Klinger, Father Mulchaey, Margaret, and a host of others, all dressed in rain gear as the rain pelted down on them.
“Radar, you’re getting soaked!” Hawkeye said.
“Yeah, you want to catch pneumonia?” This, from Margaret. “Get inside!”
“But what about-.”
“Just go!” Klinger shouted.
Radar hesitated but knew he’d better do as Klinger asked. He raced into the building, nearly slipping on the wet floor.
“Radar!”
He froze, quickly saluting his Commanding Officer. “Yes sir?”
“You’re soaked!”
“Yes, sir.”
“Come over here and let’s get you dried off! What were you doing out there? That storm is about to blow this place to pieces! Oh I know that any moment we could be blown sky high by the enemy, but to have it happen by the force of nature is something entirely different. ”
Radar began to sneeze and cough prompting Colonel Potter to put his arm around his shoulders and lead him into his office. “Here, sit down and I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Y-yes sir.”
His teddy bear was waiting for him by the pillow and Radar sat down taking the bear into his arms. “Are you okay? I know, it’s scary and my animals…”
“They’ll be just fine. Hawkeye and the rest of them will see to that.”
Radar looked up, grateful to see Colonel Potter who removed his hat and laid it on the bed. Then he draped a towel around his shoulders and handed him a steaming mug. “Careful, that’s hot.”
“Thank you sir.”
Radar expected coffee, but he was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be hot chocolate. He sipped it carefully, savoring the sweetness but also trying to avoid burning his lips. And of course he shared some with his bear, who seemed to enjoy it too.
“This is very good, sir.”
“Mildred’s secret recipe. Sure does the trick when it’s so darn cold outside.”
“Sure does.” He sneezed and coughed a few more times, prompting Colonel Potter to rest his hand on Radar’s forehead.
“I sure hope you don’t get sick from that storm.”
“I ‘m sorry I didn’t do as you asked, sir. I was just-.”
“I know… you’re worried about your animals. I’m worried about Sophie too.”
He looked up sharply, feeling a twinge of guilt that he’d forgotten all about that sweet horse. He should have checked on her first.
“Oh no.. is she…”
“She’s fine. Father Mulchaey is taking care of her. And I bet that by now all of your animals are safe and sound and-.”
“Storm’s getting worse.” Hawkeye said as he and a group of others entered the office.
“How are you doing, Radar?” BJ asked, stooping down to Radar’s level where he sat on the bunk.
“I’m fine, sir.”
“Radar, you’ve known me long enough to know that you don’t have to call me sir.”
“I’m sorry sir. I’ll try to remember that.”
“And you don’t have to call me ma’am.” Margaret said.
“Thank you sir. I mean ma’am… I mean…”
They all laughed, taking turns to pat Radar on the back.
“Well, we’d better get back to work.”
“But what about-.”
“They’re fine, I promise. Father Mulcahy’s looking after them. But we should wait a while before we go see them. This storm is relentless.”
“So what should we do?” Margaret asked.
“The most logical thing is to check on our patients. Kelly and the other nurses have their hands full.”
“You’re right BJ.” Hawkeye said.
“You guys need some help?”
“No Radar. We’ll be fine. Why don’t you just rest?”
“Well…”
“It’s fine. You did a good job.” Margaret said. “You deserve it. You’re a hero!”
“But I didn’t do anything.”
“You warned us about the storm. That’s heroic in my book.”
Radar smiled at Colonel Potter. “Thank you.”
“Now get some rest, okay?”
Radar took off his hat and glasses and laid down on his bunk, clutching his bear in his arms while Colonel Potter laid a blanket over him.
He woke sometime later slightly disoriented and looked around the room, which was blurry. He reached for his glasses and put them on, focusing on his surroundings. Curious that no one was around, he rose from his bunk and carefully sat his teddy bear on the pillow.
Carefully he walked toward the door and peered outside. The sun was peaking out from behind the mountains and the skies were no longer green and grey, but a soft shade of blue. The sight made him smile.
But then he remembered. The mess tent! His animals! Oh no!
Careful not to slip on the muddy gravel he hurried to the mess tent and pushed the door open.
“Hey, look who’s up!” Klinger said.
“Well, are you feeling better Radar?”
“Much. Thank you Father. But-.” He looked around in surprise unable to believe what he was seeing. His animals’ cages were carefully placed on the tables along with piles of vegetables and bowls of water. Suddenly he was so overcome with emotion that tears sprung to his eyes. “What’s this?”
“Welcome to the MASH zoo.” Hawkeye said. “Well, the temporary zoo. The real one is in the Swamp.”
“Ah, very funny Hawkeye.” BJ said.
“Oh balderdash!” Frank said. “It’s completely inhumane to have all of these… degenerates in the mess hall of all places! They need to be outside!”
“They were outside!” Radar shouted. “And they were scared too! I should have been there, taking care of them! I -.”
“Don’t blame yourself son.” Colonel Potter said. “And don’t listen to Frank. We were glad to help you out. And Doctor Pierce and Hunnicutt and even Major Houlihan checked them all out.”
“Disgusting!” Frank spat.
“Shut up Ferret Face! Or we’ll put you in a cage and let one of these guys come live with us!” Hawkeye said, making Radar burst out laughing, much to Frank’s annoyance.
“You know, that’s not a bad idea.” BJ said.
“Oh, go soak your head!” Frank grumbled.
“Actually that’s not a bad idea.” Colonel Potter said.
Radar looked up sharply. “I’m sorry, Sir?”
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that, Radar. I just meant that it would be a good idea for you to take a hot shower. That should soothe that cold and cough. And maybe just for tonight you can sleep in the OR. “
“Sir?”
“That way if you need anything there’ll be someone there to take care of you. We have a few empty beds for a change and I’m sure the nurses would appreciate your company.”
“I’ll come check on you too, Radar.” Hawkeye said.
“Gee, thanks sirs… ma’am…”
“Okay, let’s get you into the showers.” Colonel Potter ordered.
“Can I see my friends first?”
“We’re right here, Radar!” Hawkeye replied.
“Oh, I meant these friends. Gee, I really appreciate you guys looking after them. I was so scared.”
“They were too but they’re grateful that you called for help.”
Radar tilted his head. “Really? How do you know that?”
Father Mulchay smiled. “A priest has ways of knowing.”
“So is it okay?” Radar asked. “I mean they were pretty scared.”
“Of course it is, Radar. We’ll leave you alone with them and when you’re ready just do what you need to do and then report to the OR. Oh and bring your teddy bear. That’s an order.”
“Thank you, Colonel.”
Hawkeye and the others bade Radar goodbye and walked out of the tent, leaving only Father Mulchaey who took Radar around to each cage and explained what he’d done to take care of them. He listened intently while Radar told him stories of each animal and how he’d come up with their names.
“That’s wonderful. Well, I know you and your friends have a lot to talk about so, I’ll leave you alone.”
“Thanks a lot Father. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there for them.”
“It was my pleasure. Goodnight, Radar.”
“Goodnight, Father.”
Alone in the mess tent, Radar walked around to each cage and opened them one by one. He picked up each animal and spoke reassuring words and hoped that they understood. But when he felt himself getting tired, he told them all goodnight and left them in the mess tent. He was sure that they would be okay until morning.
He trudged across the wet and muddy gravel and retuned to his bunk to get his bear. “Come on. We’re going to sleep in the OR tonight. Don’t worry, everything’s fine. But wait right here and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
He sat the bear down and then gathered his things and went to the shower. It was nice to have the place all to himself. He could sing or talk to himself without getting silly comments from Hawkeye and BJ about his lack of height or nasty comments from Frank, which were the only kind Frank knew how to give. When he was clean (and much warmer, thanks to the rare hot water), he pulled on his robe and returned to his bunk to change into his pajamas.
“Reporting to the OR ma’am.” He said when he walked to the door. “Colonel Potter’s orders.”
Kelly smiled. “So he did! We’re expecting you, Radar! There’s a bed for you right over here.”
“Thanks. Gee, I feel silly taking up a space that could be used for a wounded soldier.”
“Believe me, I’m grateful that we don’t have very many right now so don’t worry about it.”
“Thank you.” he removed his robe and climbed into bed grateful to be dressed in warm pajamas.
“Can I get you anything?”
“No I’m fine.” He said “Just tired.”
“You’ve had a long day. We all have. If it weren’t for you we wouldn’t have known about that storm until it was too late. Now get some sleep, okay?”
“Okay.” He snuggled into bed and clutched his bear in his arms.
“I’m going to check your temperature so I’ll be right back.”
“Oh no, I feel fine.”
“I’m sure you do but if Colonel Potter wants me to check you out, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“But-.”
“Now Radar, don’t argue with me or the next time you ask me to dance, I’m going to say no!”
Radar laughed and nodded, getting the point immediately. Nurse Kelly never turned down his offer for a dance.
She returned a few minutes later and checked his temperature and his blood pressure.
“How is he?” Colonel Potter asked.
“Everything looks good, but I’ll keep an eye on him.”
“Good! We can’t have you getting sick!”
“No sir.”
“All right, well I’m going to turn in as well. Anything I can get you?”
“No I’m fine. I have my bear and my Superman comic books.”
“Superman, huh? He’s a heck of a guy. We could use a guy like him around here, don’t you think ?”
Radar laughed. “Yes sir ,that would be great.”
“Well, that’s okay.” Colonel Potter said, patting Radar’s shoulder. “You come closer to Superman than any of us around here. Goodnight, son.”
Colonel Potter turned out the light leaving the nightlight glowing by the bed. Radar smiled, watching his Commanding Officer and friend walk out of the OR. He was grateful for the darkness that hid his happy (but embarrassing) tears and the light that illuminated his comic book. But he was barely to the second story where Superman was about to rescue Lois Lane yet again when he drifted off to sleep.
~Fin~