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Max flopped over in bed, tossing aside a comic book she'd just finished reading. She looked up at the ceiling of her room and let out a long, drawn-out sigh. She was bored out of her mind. She'd had a pain flare-up in her legs yesterday and had decided to spend the Saturday just resting up. But this morning she'd woken up feeling energized, her pain gone for now, and now she was starting to feel antsy, wanting to do something. It was definitely nicer when this happened, compared to the other way around, where plans she was looking forward to were put on hold because her body decided it needed a rest day.
Looking out the window, seeing the sunlight of the crisp October day filter in through the yellow curtains, Max tried to think of something to do. Her mom was going to be at work for the whole day, so she could invite someone over if she wanted. Lucas was working, like he always seemed to be these days, so that was a no. Maybe she could invite Dustin over, tell him to bring his Nintendo so they could play something. She was pretty sure El was doing something with Mike today, but she could call, just to check.
Max was just sitting up, about to get up from the bed, when she heard the phone ringing in the kitchen. She got up, making her way through the house to go answer the phone. She really didn't know who it could be, a telemarketer, someone trying to reach her mom, a prank call, so as she picked up the receiver, she answered with a neutral:
"Hello?"
"Hey Max, it's Erica."
Max shifted slightly in surprise. She had not expected Erica Sinclair out of all people to be on the phone. She was pretty sure she'd never even called her before.
"Hey," she replied, a question mark hanging in the air, still surprised and confused as to why she was calling her. She and Erica got along well, it never felt awkward between them when she saw her when she was over at the Sinclair’s. She just had never reached out to her directly like this before.
"Are you busy?" Erica asked, her tone matter-of-fact, not helping Max to guess why she was calling. Unlike her brother, who was a pretty open book, his thoughts and intentions easy for Max to work out, Erica was harder to read.
"Um, no? I'm not busy," Max replied.
"Good. Can you come over?"
"Wait, now?”
"No, I meant next week," Erica deadpanned and added after a beat:
"Yes, now."
Max opened and closed her mouth, still very confused.
"Did something happen, is everything okay?" she asked. There had to be some explanation to Erica suddenly needing her to come by.
"No, nothing happened, stop stressing out. Just asking if you can come over," Erica explained, sounding annoyed, like Max was overreacting. Which was fair, but after everything they’d gone through in the past, Max wasn’t taking any chances.
"Okay. But yeah, I’m not busy. I can come over," she replied.
"Okay cool, see you in a bit!" Erica said and then without anything more, she hung up, leaving the phone beeping against Max's ear. She pulled away the receiver, looking at it in utter confusion. What was going on?
"Hey, come on in," Erica said, still as casual and matter-of-fact as ever as she opened the Sinclair's front door to Max. She was in a lavender patterned sweatsuit set and wearing a yellow hair bonnet, looking like she was all set for a lazy day at home. Which only made Max more confused as to why she'd invited her over. She opened her mouth to once again ask her what was going on, but Erica was already turning and heading down the hallway towards her room. Max scrambled to close the door and followed her. Erica led her to her room, gesturing over at her bed, silently telling Max to take a seat before she also sat down at the swivel chair at her desk. Max did as she was told, sitting down on top of the flower-patterned quilted bedspread. It felt a bit weird, she hadn't really properly been in Erica's room before. She'd seen it, been in the doorway to quickly ask Erica something or call her for dinner when she was over. But this was the first time she'd properly been invited in. It was a nice room, bright and airy, with yellow walls lined with posters and other decorations, books, colorful nail polish bottles and D&D miniatures lining the shelf above her desk.
For a second they both sat in silence, not saying anything. Max pressed her mouth together into an awkward smile, waiting for Erica to speak up, to finally tell her what was going on. As she still didn't, her attention on a pile of papers she was straightening on her desk, Max decided to just go for it.
"So…" she drew out, looking around the room, clasping her hands together in front of her.
"What's up?"
"I told you already, it's nothing serious so you can stop stressing out," Erica said with a roll of her eyes, finally turning to look at Max.
"Well that's good, but I mean…” Max started again.
“Did you invite me over just to hang out, or do you need a favor or something?”
"No. Well, kinda," Erica said, looking away again, seeming almost embarrassed. This was new. Since when was Erica Sinclair anything other than confident and self-assured?
She looked out the window, biting her lips together in thought, like she was trying to form her words. Max couldn’t help but notice it was a habit she shared with her brother.
"I just wanted to ask you…” she spoke up.
"For some… advice," she continued, her face souring in something almost resembling disgust as she said the word.
"Okay, ask away," Max said, leaning back as she sat, her palms on the soft bedspread.
Erica paused again, fidgeting with her sweatshirt sleeve as she thought.
"Does it ever get easier? High school, I mean," she finally asked, cringing just a bit, as if it took a lot out of her to say it, to admit it. Max knew that feeling all too well.
"I mean, the classes and stuff I'm fine with, I've never had trouble with those, my grades are as high as they've always been, don't need help with that,” Erica was quick to point out, waving her hand in dismissal at the mere thought that she was getting anything other than straight As.
"But the other stuff… Is just… There's so many changes going on, it feels like it will never calm down,” she explained, her shoulder slumping a bit.
"Like, some of my friends are way different now that they were back last year, and I've got new friends too but they are way cooler, so I feel like I need to have my guard up with them all the time, so I can impress them. And it's just so much work, you know," she explained, her expression completive as she looked out the window again.
"Hellfire’s nice, I got selected Vice-President so that's great, and I helped Dustin recruit some new people too. But now everyone there is expecting me to be this awesome player who always knows what to do and never loses and… What if I'm not that?”
She turned to look at Max, her expression tense and worried, vulnerable.
"I've never felt like this before, just doubting myself all the time, second-guessing everything I'm doing. And I guess feeling…" her sentence trailed off as she knit her brow, looking for the right word.
"Insecure?" Max supplied.
"Yeah,” Erica said with a nod. She let out a frustrated groan, stuffing her hands into the front pocket of her sweatshirt.
“I hate it.”
Max nodded along. She would’ve never guessed this was what Erica wanted to talk to her about. She’d always seemed so confident, so outspoken and resourceful, it seemed like she could handle anything. But, that was probably why feeling perfectly normal freshman year insecurity was such a big deal to her. She wasn’t used to it.
Before Max could think of something to say to help her feel better, Erica spoke up again:
"You're a senior now, does it ever get better?”
Max looked down, thinking of how to answer.
"Well you know,” she began, leaning forward, setting her elbows on her knees.
“I didn’t exactly have the most normal start to high school,” she reminded Erica.
"And honestly, looking back on it, freshman year is pretty much a blur. I was in such a bad place, I kind of blocked it all out. And that was before I was actually unconscious, so…" she explained with a shrug. Erica just nodded, her brow crunched in concentration as she listened to her. Max was glad she wasn’t jumping in to loudly apologize and change the subject to make things less awkward, wanting to avoid anything having to do with the big bad C word.
Max sighed.
"But I get what you mean, about there being so many changes and it being hard to keep up.”
"So I mean, admitting that you're struggling and feeling insecure really is the first step, I guess,” she said, trying to find a silver lining. Counselor Kelley would be proud.
“Well how do I stop feeling like this? Feeling unsure? I never used to feel like this, how do I go back to that?” Erica asked, gesturing with her hands, frustrated.
“Honestly, I’m not sure it’s possible to completely go back to the way things were before,” Max said. Erica frowned.
“You’re growing up, things are changing, you are changing, and that’s hard as hell, but it’s also a good thing.”
“Doesn’t feel like a good thing,” Erica pointed out with a sharp raised brow.
“Yeah, I know. And I’m not gonna lie to you and talk about how high school is a magical time and the best years of your life and all that bullshit. Because it’s really hard,” Max continued. She didn’t appreciate empty platitudes, and she had a feeling Erica wouldn’t either.
“But it’s also moving you forward. And that’s good. You can’t be on eight grade forever.”
“I know,” Erica replied, letting out a sigh, slowly turning in her swivel chair.
“It’s all just happening so quickly. I thought I had a little more time before I had to start worrying about all this grown-up stuff.”
“I get it. But hey, you can let yourself take breaks from it. It’s up to you how headfirst you wanna jump into it all,” Max pointed out. Erica shrugged, mumbling out a “I guess.”
Max pressed her lips together, thinking, looking around the room, her gaze falling on the stereo on the bedside table. She got an idea.
“Hey, what do you say if today, you let yourself take a break?” she suggested, looking back over at Erica.
“We can listen to some music, or watch a dumb movie, or read comics or something? I mean, you’ve threatened to do my hair up with all your clips and barrettes, I might let you do it, just this once?”
Erica looked back at her, her eyes alight with mischief. That’s the Erica she knew.
“For real?”
“Yeah. And we can do nail polish or like…” Max’s sentence trailed off as she was hard at work thinking of other stuff they could do.
“Wait, you know those cucumber eye masks they do at fancy spas? We can do those?” she suggested and Erica rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness, but still nodded, a laugh in her voice as she spoke:
“I’m pretty sure we have cucumbers in the fridge, so be my guest.”
Max pushed herself up from the bed, already starting to head for the kitchen.
“I’ll go get that ready, and you put on some relaxing music and lay down. We’re gonna make sure you’ll be relaxed and renewed as all hell!” she announced and Erica rolled her eyes at her again, but still got up and moved over to lie on the bed.
“Yes, ma’am,” she replied, her voice filled with sarcasm. On her way out, Max stopped at the doorway for just a second, watching as Erica reached over to the radio, going to pick the music. Yes, this was ridiculous, and she wasn’t going to admit to any of the guys what she’d spent her Saturday doing, and well, she was sure Erica would kill her if she did. But it seemed to be helping Erica feel a bit better already, so it was worth it. As surprised as Max had been when she’d called her and asked for her advice, she also felt honored that she’d picked her. And as her honorary big sister for the day, she would try her best to feel better. So cucumber eye masks it was!
The afternoon sun was shining through the orange-leafed trees as Lucas parked the car on the driveway in front of his house. He'd had a morning shift at his job at the Radio Shack downtown, and he was really excited to have the rest of the day and tomorrow off. Walking into the house, his mind was busy thinking about all the things he could fill his free time with. He could call up Dustin for a game night, or go over to Mike's, or see what Will was up to. But mostly his thoughts were circling around his girlfriend who he hadn't gotten to hang out with in ages it felt like. With senior year starting up and him getting more shifts at work, they hadn't gotten to see each other that much outside of school and it was slowly killing him. There had been embarrassingly many times when the doorbell had rung and for a second he'd hoped that it was her, having miraculously gotten out of her chores and other obligations and surprising him at his doorstep. But of course it was never her. It wasn't like she was going to magically appear at his house unannounced.
Figuring he'd grab something to drink from the fridge, Lucas walked into the kitchen, humming along to something under his breath, his brain far away as he was already thinking about calling Max. That was to say, he was totally distracted. Which was why he didn't notice the person in the kitchen, going straight for the fridge instead, yanking the door open.
"Holy shit!"
Lucas jumped, just as surprised as the voice that called out. He furrowed his brow, quickly closing the fridge door to look over at where the voice had come from. Was that..?
"Max?!" he asked, his voice still startled and confused. But it really was her, standing by the kitchen counter, holding a large knife, which was slightly alarming in the current situation as her eyes were wide in alarmed surprise and her hands lifted up from the cutting board she was working over.
"What were you thinking? You can't sneak up on people like that! Jesus Christ!" she exclaimed, throwing her head back as she tried to settle her breathing after the sudden surprise.
"Sorry, I didn't mean— I didn't know—" Lucas started to explain. But his words trailed off as confusion got the best of him.
"What are you doing in my house?"
It didn't come out sounding accusing (at least that's what he hoped) he was just really, really confused. He'd just been trying to think of a plan to get her to hang out with him, had been trying to do that for the last week and now all of a sudden here she was, standing in the middle of his kitchen like it was no big deal.
"Cutting up cucumbers," she explained, as if it was obvious, gesturing her knife at the cutting board on the counter in front of her. Her shock had faded away now, with a smile tugging at the corner of her lips and Lucas went along, crossing the room to stand next to her by the counter.
"Obviously," he said as she went back to cutting thin circular slices out of the cucumber. They were silent for a beat before Lucas shifted just a bit, restless, needing to know what was going on. But right as he was about to ask her, she spoke up.
"Erica called me and invited me over."
"Oh?" Lucas voiced, his brow creasing in surprise and confusion. This was new.
"Yeah, she's umm…" Max paused, the knife resting against the hard plastic of the cutting board. She was thinking, probably wondering what Erica would be cool with her telling her brother.
"Not having the greatest day so she asked me to come over for emotional support," she settled on, continuing her task.
"Wait, is everything okay? Is something going on with her?" Lucas launched into questions, turning towards Max, his hand coming to lightly grab her arm.
"Calm down, everything's fine, don't worry,” Max reassured him.
"It's nothing seriously bad, just…”
She shrugged.
“Being fourteen, starting high school, being a freshman, all that stuff."
Lucas nodded along, concern still painting his features.
"So she's having a bit of an identity crisis. And I'm here to help her through it," Max explained.
"That's nice that she called you to help,” Lucas pointed out, still a bit surprised.
Max shrugged, looking a bit surprised herself but pleased too, to know Erica trusted her enough to call on her for help.
"Yeah. I guess she just needed advice from someone who was a fourteen-year-old girl and survived.”
"Plus," she added with a small smirk.
"I bet it makes her own problems seem less bad, hearing about my dumpster fire of a freshman year.”
She went back to cutting slices, but Lucas couldn't help but reach to set his hand on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. As time went by, it was getting easier to talk about all that had happened, and she was finding it easier to joke about. But it still made his heart break a little each time.
Max turned to him, giving him a soft, reassuring smile.
"But yeah, I was trying to think of something fun to help her relax, and when I get my migraines and eyestrain, it helps to put cold stuff on my eyes. And they do these at fancy spas and stuff so I figured it was worth a shot," she explained, nodding over at the growing pile of cucumber slices.
"Sounds like a good plan," Lucas said and then they fell silent again as she continued her work, the steady sound of the knife hitting the plastic of the cutting board the only sound in the quiet kitchen. After a while Lucas spoke up, still a bit uncertain.
"I just…”
"I don't know.”
"What?" Max asked, gently coaxing the words out of him.
"I just… Why wouldn't she tell me that she was having problems with school?” he finally said, putting his worry into words. He thought him and Erica were fairly close, considering everything they’d gone through. Why was this the first he was hearing about this?
“I could've helped too. You know I also had a major identify crisis freshman year," he pointed out. Max breathed out a laugh, shaking her head, as if to say "you sure did". It wasn't malicious though, and after a moment she asked:
"Well have you ever talked to her about it?”
Lucas paused, looking down at the cucumbers on the cutting board. Come to think of it… He wasn’t sure if he had.
"I mean, maybe, as far as she knows, you were joining basketball just to social climb, with nothing else on your mind," Max said.
"So maybe she doesn't think you would get it?"
Lucas looked out the window, thinking her words over. She was probably right. He hadn’t told Erica what really had been going on with him at the start of high school, about his need to move forward, to find a distraction from all the shit that had happened. Feeling restless and wanting a change, needing to do something, sick of being seen by everyone at school as less than. Needing something to put his energy into so he would not be swept away by the intense all-encompassing worry for his friend group falling apart and Max slipping away from him. From Erica's point of view it had probably just looked like he'd wanted to become popular and had gotten a big head about it. So it made sense why she wouldn't think of coming to him for advice.
"You're probably right. She probably thinks I just became a jerk jock and that's it," he conceded.
"Well I can mention it to her, if you want?" Max suggested, putting down the knife and picking up a plate to transfer the pile of cucumber slices onto.
"You know, tell her that you had a hard time too back then. Maybe that'll help her feel like she can open up to you next time," she said, looking up at him.
God, she was the best.
"That would be great, thank you," Lucas said, grinning before leaning down to peck her cheek, lifted by the smile on her face. He settled to stand by her, their shoulders pressed together as she quietly worked on getting all the cucumbers onto the plate. There was just one slice left, and so Lucas figured he'd help her, picking it up and bringing it up to his mouth.
"Hey, drop it, I need these," Max pointed out, weakly slapping his arm as he took a bite.
"I'm pretty sure you have more than enough," Lucas said in defense, nodding down at the pile of slices on the plate.
"I mean, unless she’s sprouted extra eyes since I last saw her this morning."
"Because if she has, that's a very valid reason for a crisis," he added, finished eating the cucumber slice.
Max rolled her eyes at him, going to put away the kitchen knife in the sink.
"She's got the regular set of two, at least the last time I checked. But it's always good to have extra," she explained, coming back.
"And besides," she said, shrugging.
"I need snacks too," she added with a glint in her eye, picking up a cucumber slice and eating it. Lucas smiled fondly, lightly shaking his head at her.
"Of course," he said, his movements easy and natural as he sidled closer to her, his arms wrapping around her waist as he dropped his chin onto her shoulder.
"Are you staying for dinner?" he asked, his voice light and hopeful, watching as she finished cleaning up.
"I mean, if it's okay with everyone?" Max voiced and Lucas nodded against her shoulder.
"Of course you should stay. Mom was just telling me how I should invite you over, that she hasn't seen you in a bit."
"Well she hasn't. You need to stop working so much so I can come over more often," Max said, lifting her arm up and back to where he stood behind her, her hand going to the back of his neck, her thumb gently brushing along the short hair there.
"Well me not being here didn't stop you from coming by today?" Lucas pointed out with a smirk.
"That's true," she admitted.
"But it's always a nice bonus if you happen to be here too," she said with a smile in her voice, lightly patting him on the cheek before pulling her hand away, going to pick up the cucumber plate.
"Wow, a bonus? That's so sweet of you," Lucas exclaimed in exaggerated appreciation, hugging her tighter. Max rolled her eyes at him, stepping away from the counter, ready to head out of the kitchen and back to Erica's room. But Lucas wasn't ready to let go, not just yet.
"I'll tell Mom to set an extra plate out for you. I think she's making spaghetti today," he explained, following behind Max as she slowly walked across the kitchen. It was a little awkward, trying to keep up with his head still on her shoulder and both his arms wrapped around her middle. But if it meant he could hold her for just a bit longer, it was worth it. She was right, he had been working a lot lately, and hadn't had a lot of free time to spend with her. But he needed the money; for college, for gas, for movie dates, and for their grand plans for the summer after graduation. Max was probably always at least half-joking when she mused about them taking a road trip all the way to California so she could show him where she grew up. But the idea had taken root in his mind, and he'd been steadily saving money for it since. The prospect of getting to spend all that time together, free of everything, the open road ahead of them, getting to see and experience it all together… it made his heart spill over with giddy happiness and love.
"Ooo that sounds great," Max said, referring to the dinner plans.
"But if there's anything I can help you with… I mean, I don't wanna just barge in and—"
"Don't worry about it, I'll help out. I think Erica wouldn't be too happy if you bailed on her halfway through," Lucas pointed out.
"Yeah, probably."
"So I'd better go check in on her, hope these cucumbers work their magic,” she added, lifting up the plate in her hands.
“Yeah,” Lucas agreed, ducking his head to set a kiss on her shoulder.
“Thanks for doing this. I know she really appreciates it."
“I mean of course, she’s like my little sister too, of course I’m gonna help her out."
Lucas felt his heart warm at her words. He’d seen Max and Erica slowly getting closer over the years. It was natural really, after what they all were forced to go through together. And it was their personalities too, they were really similar in a lot of ways: super smart, headstrong and forthright. So now that he thought about it, it wasn’t really that surprising that Erica had picked Max to help her out.
And he was so happy to see it. Yeah, a bit bummed that Max’s attention wouldn’t be on him on the rare time they got to hang out outside school. But it was okay. He could already feel the gears turning in his brain, plans forming to whisk her away to the arcade or the movies after dinner was done.
“What are you thinking about?” Max asked with a light laugh, straining her neck to look back at him.
"Nothing," he was quick to stay, but added:
"Just how nice it is that you two get along so well."
"Though I still don't get why she wouldn't tell me about it. I could help her too," he added, not upset but just a bit sad she didn't feel comfortable telling him about it.
"I know. But I'll bring it up. I'll try and be subtle about it, so she doesn't think you made me say it," Max told him.
"Probably a smart move."
"I know," she said with a grin, looking up at him. She looked so beautiful, her smiling face lit by the crisp golden sunlight of the fall day. He wanted to kiss every single freckle on her face.
"But I seriously need to go now, she's gonna come looking for me any second now," Max said, turning away just a bit, looking towards the hallway leading to Erica's room.
"Okay," Lucas agreed with a nod.
"That means you're gonna have to let go of me," Max pointed out with a laugh, lightly hip-checking him.
"I know," he said, burying his face to her shoulder, giving her a couple more playful kisses.
"Dude, come on," Max pressed with a laugh, turning to look at him.
"I know, I know, sorry," he replied, and after one more squeeze, he pulled his arms away, taking a step back.
"I'll see you in a bit, yeah?" Max said, turning to face him, balancing the plate in her hands.
"Yeah, I'll let you guys know when dinner's ready," Lucas said, and Max smiled brightly at that. He mirrored her smile, feeling warm and light all over, happy to see her so at ease at his house, with his family. She was always welcome; he'd told her that from the start.
"Okay. See you," she said, her voice light and the look in her eyes warm and fond as she quickly moved closer, leaning over the plate she was holding and set a quick, soft kiss on his lips.
"See you," he said, muttering the words against her lips as she drew away. And with one more quick peck she turned away and headed down the hall.
"Alright, I've got the stuff. Get ready to be the most relaxed you've ever been in your life!" Max announced loudly as she rounded the corner and went to open the door to Erica's room. Lucas ducked his head, smiling to himself. He loved her so much.