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Daria sat her state of yard ass on the couch taking a short rest break from studying. She was enjoying college and all but right now she was very tired, very broke, it was midnight and she just wanted to stop thinking for a while. She lay back and casually switched through the channels, the tv was the brightest light in the dimly lit room. She wanted to just stop and watch something but nothing seemed to capture her attention.
Sick Sad World wouldn’t be on at this time Daria thought. She hadn’t had much time to watch Sick Sad World lately. It felt like it had been forever since she and Jane had just sat down and poked fun at Sick Sad World together, she missed that more than she’d thought she would, just simple things like that with her friend.
Daria and Jane hadn’t gotten as much time to hang out lately. They still met up on the weekend but apart from that, they’d been calling each other less and less the past few weeks. She knew, she knew it was because they’d both been busier lately but Daria was terrified that they were drifting apart.
She shot a wary glance at the phone on the wall. I shouldn’t bother her at this hour she decided as she turned back to the screen. She’d never worried about bothering Jane before but it had become a recent trend in her trains of thought.
She’s probably with her boyfriend her thoughts said almost mockingly. Daria hated the knot in her stomach whenever Jane was interested in a guy. For some reason, her automatic assumption was that they were all jerks, including the current one. She didn’t like that about herself (even though she hadn’t been completely wrong so far), assuming the worst immediately, I mean she should trust her friend, right? But it’s a part of her that doesn’t seem to be changing anytime soon so she might as well accept it.
It’s fine, her new boyfriend probably wasn’t a jerk, it was just Daria’s clouded vision. He’s not the worst, he’s just a bit condescending, undependable, ingenuine, and definitely not good enough for Jane Lane, but it’s totally fine! Daria Morgendorffer was fine with it!
Daria sighed, bringing herself back to reality. She really wanted to talk to someone. She wondered if her roommate Elise was still awake. No, no she said she was busy tonight.
“I guess I’ll just have to talk to myself then” Daria mumbled to herself. She was staring at the tv screen but she wasn’t watching whatever was on screen, it all felt like a dull blur to her. Daria lay down on the couch, curled up, and pulled the dark red sweater she was wearing tighter around her. “I’m so tired of talking to myself.”
Some trashy soap opera played on the TV as Daria slowly drifted off to sleep. She lightly prompted herself to get back up and finish the essay she’d been writing but her exhaustion was stronger.
She’d fallen into a light sleep when she heard a knock at the door that startled her awake. At first, she thought it was part of a dream and she didn’t move instead she slowly glanced at the door from her position. The person knocked again, picking up the volume. Who the hell is knocking? Daria slowly sat up, half annoyed and half asleep.
“Daria! It’s Jane, you there?”
Daria froze, suddenly feeling awake. Jane’s here?! She was so shocked, she’d just been thinking about her before, speak of the devil? What is she doing here?
“Daria?” Jane asked again, a little whinier this time.
“Uh coming!” Daria notified; the surprise slightly evident in her voice. She got up, turned off the tv, and adjusted her glasses before answering the door.
She opened it to see Jane in a dark green tank top, leaning against the door frame with an almost empty bottle of whisky in her hand.
“He-hey! Daria!” Jane greeted her brightly, half genuinely half cheerfully satirical.
“Hey, Jane” Daria mirrored but with less enthusiasm. “Um...What brings you here?” She had to admit, she was happy to see Jane but also, concerned. It was already strange that she was at her apartment in the middle of the night without warning but also she was swaying on her feet, eyes unfocused and her red cheeks and eyes made it look like she’d been crying.
“Ah y’know just...jus stoppin by” Jane tentatively said, holding onto the door frame for stability “saw your...light on” her gaze danced around the room.
Daria looked behind herself to see the poorly lit apartment then turned back to Jane “yeah that’s believable” she said sarcastically. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Daria decided to just ask her straight up, allowing some of her concern to appear in her tone.
“God, Daria, why do you always assume some-ing's wrong?” Jane said irritably.
Daria knew she was just drunk, but the way she said that hurt a little. “Well, what’s up?”
“Can I just...can I jus sleep on your couch tonight? I promise I’ll be gone by morning...justtonightplease?” Jane despondently pleaded, looking as if she was about to pass out, she was practically lying on the door frame now and her handle on the bottle she was holding was loosening.
Daria almost wanted to joke that Jane was showing off that Lane deadbeatness but she sensed that this wasn’t the right time.
“Yeah sure” of course you can “but why?” Daria said helping Jane into the apartment and then closing the door behind her.
“Just can’t be at my apar’ment righ’ now” Jane answered dejectedly. Daria helped her to the couch because every step she took looked like it was going to send her plummeting to the ground.
Jane flopped onto the couch and chugged the last of the whiskey, dropping the empty bottle on the ground when she was done.
“How much have you had to drink tonight?” Daria awkwardly asked, glancing at the empty bottle on the ground.
“Enough” Jane simply stated.
She was already comfortable on the couch and was ready to go to sleep and forget all about this night.
Daria however still had many questions but Jane wasn’t really offering up any enlightening information about what was wrong so that probably meant she didn’t want to talk about it. Except Daria couldn’t help Jane if she didn’t know what the problem is but if she asked any other questions, she feared Jane was going to punch her in the face.
As Daria’s thoughts ran in circles, she just awkwardly stood there next to the couch staring off into space. Jane didn’t point it out because she couldn’t begin to question it in her tired drunken haze and just dismissed it as Daria being Daria.
Daria decided she would just do her own detective work and speculate what Jane was doing here. Her apartment, what’s wrong with her apartment? It’s probably not the apartment itself, she might have still come over but she would probably be sober, people don’t drink themselves to sleep because they have a rat infestation, do they? Who knows, I’m just guessing it’s probably about who’s in the apartment, something happened in one of her relationships- oh shit it’s her boyfriend, isn’t it? Dammit. Daria glanced over at Jane who was still awake and was now half-heartedly scribbling on her arm with a pen (she wasn’t even gonna ask where she got the pen from). The last time she seemed so lacking in confidence was when the thing happened with Tom- God dammit!
“Did something happen with your boyfriend?” Daria shoved out the question before she could change her mind.
Jane stopped scribbling and her grip tightened on the pen. She looked Daria in the eye. Daria really didn’t want to make eye contact but she forced herself to stay strong. Instead of getting mad Jane suddenly burst into laughter, a loud painful laugh. It didn’t last long but Daria was still completely taken aback.
“How’d you know?” Jane grinned at Daria, despite being in an awful place right now she couldn’t help but be fond of how quickly she figured that out (and of Daria’s startled facial expression right now). She’d missed Daria.
Though Jane’s smile quickly faded again as she remembered what happened. “...asshole cheated on me” she spat out bitterly.
Unfortunately, Daria didn’t feel that surprised, she still felt bad though. “I’m sorry.” Daria said sympathetically, then she remembered what happened with Tom, and suddenly that ‘I’m sorry' had another meaning as a wave of guilt slapped her across the face. She sat down on the far end of the couch next to Jane.
Jane unsteadily sat herself up, it seemed like the conversation was going to continue. “You were-” Jane started but burped in the middle of her sentence “You were right...dude was a jerk.” Jane admitted sadly.
Daria sort of wanted to say ‘I told you so’ but this probably wasn’t the right time.
Without looking at her Jane said “you can say ‘I told you so.’”
Well...if she had permission. “I told you so.”
Jane rolled her eyes smiling, Daria smiled for a moment too before saying “okay go on.”
Jane shrugged. She lay her head back on the couch to hopefully minimize the dizziness that was hitting her. “Why’s this keep happening to me?” Jane croaked out “why’s it that every time I-I try to like- I try to do the...relationship thing it turns out shit.”
Daria’s ‘non-existent’ conscience was really getting to her today. Despite being quiet Jane sounded so genuinely hurt, Daria feared she couldn’t provide the comfort Jane needed but whatever, she can try. “Uhm...you have terrible taste in men?” Daria half-joked.
Jane half smiled in return “yeah clearly.” She adjusted her position, leaning forward a little more. She looked down at the ground and fiddled with the pen in her hands. “Maybe I’m the problem in all these relationships” Jane confessed what she’d been thinking all night. Her eyes were filling with tears.
Daria panicked tears, crap, dammit Daria you idiot “sorry I didn’t mean it like tha-”
“I know Daria! ‘S not that, I’ve been feeling this for...a while” Jane interrupted, a couple of tears falling down her face. She quickly whipped them away but her eyes filled up again. “But it’s just...I feel it more now. You predict how shitty they are erry single time, maybeIshouldjust hand my dating life to you.” Jane heatedly spouted out, trying to wipe away the streaming tears.
Daria didn’t know how to react, she’d never seen Jane cry like this before and she didn’t know what to do about it, she just wanted to make Jane feel better. “Jeez...you must be feeling really bad if you’re thinking about taking advice from me.” Daria tried to joke again.
Jane didn’t smile or laugh or look at Daria she just slumped back, stared down at her pen, and shrugged.
Daria felt bad, she looked away. Okay Morgendorffer, time to let down the barricades a little. Daria inhaled and exhaled then looked at Jane.
“Look Jane, the only reason I give you crap about your boyfriends all the time is because...is because I’m jealous” Daria half mumbled that last part; this was a struggle for her to admit
“Huh?” Jane looked at Daria puzzled.
“Because...I like being with you.” It was one of those rare times where Daria struggled to speak her mind, she felt her cheeks heating up with every word. “you’re authentic and true to yourself more than anyone I’ve ever met, you’re funny as hell, you’re smart and interesting in a way that really matters, you’re more outgoing than me and despite what I’ve said about that in the past I admire it. If these people can’t see how great you are then they’re idiots.” Daria stopped herself from going on too long. “Uhm...what I want to say is...I’m scared of losing you because you’re my favorite person...” That was the cheesiest thing you could’ve said, dammit, what was that? her thoughts angrily shot at her. Daria blushed and hid her face in her hands, “sorry” she mumbled.
Jane was dumbfounded. She sat there for a moment, looking at Daria trying to process what she just said, she couldn’t process it so instead she just stammered out her feelings. “I-I can’t believe you said that to me...” she laughed “have you always-...no uh really...do you really feel that way about me?” Jane peaked at Daria but the girl was still looking down at the floor, embarrassed. Jane felt herself tearing up again, she seemed to cry a lot more when she was drunk. “Thank you, thank you I really appreciate that, I really appreciate you.” Jane told Daria, she really did appreciate her. Despite the fact that she was still processing, it lifted her spirits.
Daria faced her and smiled “no problem.”
Jane seemed lighter now, Daria hoped she’d succeeded in making her feel a little better.
Jane did feel better in that moment, hearing that from Daria meant a lot but she also felt exhausted and just wanted to sleep, except now she felt like she could.
“Okay...time t’ sleep now” Jane stated.
“Oh yeah, I’ll get you a blanket and pill-” Daria was about to get up but she stopped in her tracks when Jane rested her head in her lap, “-low” she froze.
“Don’t bother” Jane mumbled, perfectly comfortable.
“What are you doing?” Daria nervously asked. Once again tonight, she didn’t know how to react, she and Jane were never physically affectionate with each other (except that one time she hugged her, which they never speak of) and now she was resting her head on her lap.
“...’m tired Daria” is all Jane murmured in response.
That makes sense, she’s drunk and tired and not really thinking about it so this is fine. Daria reasoned to herself. Maybe Jane won’t remember any of this in the morning, I don’t know how much she’s drunken tonight. This is okay. Daria placed a hand on Jane’s upper arm. “Okay.”
They sat in silence for a few moments. Daria felt like she could fall asleep as well even if this wasn’t the most ideal position, she was exhausted.
Before they both fell asleep, without moving from her position Jane suddenly confessed to Daria.
“I’ve missed you.”
Daria felt that those words strike a chord in her, a chord that sang how happy it was to have its feelings returned.
“I missed you too.”