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Astarion handed Naira the precious red bottle, and watched her drink every last drop. She was reluctant at first, claiming he needed it more. He refused.
They hid behind a fallen tree. Nasty knoll encounter behind them at this point. Shadowheart and Gale were back at camp. They had warned the two not to travel too far, but they were hunting. For dinner and for some blood for Astarion. They were ambushed, but they managed to escape by a hair.
“How are you feeling? Good to go?” He asked.
She only nodded and sighed. “Better. We should-“ she paused, looking over his shoulder.
He readied his daggers, prepared to strike, and followed her gaze. He saw a couple, a babe in the man’s hand. The pair walked, huddled together in the darkness. They looked around, looking out for danger.
What the couple didn’t see, most likely due to their horrid night sight, were the three knolls perched up ahead. One in a tree, another two already notching arrows from behind a toppled cart.
“Perfect,” Astarion purred. “They’ll be a perfect diversion,” he turned to smile at her, until he saw her horrified expression.
“No,” He shot at her quickly. “No, we are not doing that. If we leave them be, we can have safe passage. It’s their own fault for traveling at night!” Astarion tried to reason.
All she did was shake her head no.
“Come on, we cannot take this risk,” He gently pulled her by the forearm, head low. Her hand slipped from his grip, and he took it as agreement to follow. Astarion began sneaking the opposite direction of the couple, listening out for their cue to sprint.
Astarion heard a soft, whispered ‘No…’
And she ran off.
“Naira!” he called after her, blowing their cover.
“Watch out! There are knolls about!” she shouted, getting the attention of the couple.
The knolls, seeing their cover blown, pounced, emerging from their hideouts.
Naira quickly shifted into a bear, manoeuvring around the couple, standing between the knolls and them.
She fought fiercely, but three to one are not favourable odds, even for a bear. After ripping the head of one, she suffered a filthy spear to the hind leg, and fell out of her transformation.
The spear rose again, and she braced herself, feeling weak from using too many spells in a row too quickly.
The knoll earned an arrow between the eyes, falling to the ground.
Before she could process anything, the retreating footsteps of the last knoll put a bullseye on its back. From her prone position, she snapped it with a thornwhip to the throat, tearing the furry fleshy with the brambled whip.
There was silence for a few seconds, only Naira’s panting was clear in the silence.
“Are they gone?” She heard a weak mumble coming from nearby.
“Yes,” She gasped out. “They’re gone,” She scrambled to her feet. “Quickly. You must go,” she ushered them backward. “Where there’s few, there’s plenty. And there’s certainly more up ahead. They did a number on us,”
The terrified couple nodded. “Thank you. Thank you!” the man cheered. “You saved us,”
“Leave. While you still have your life,” A low, dangerous threat rang in the silence of the night. Astarion stood, a few feet from his companion and the terrified couple.
The humans scurried away, turning back from the treacherous path.
They stood in the silence, and Naira refused to look up at him. She spawned some good berries, using the last of her magic for the day, feeling the exhaustion settle in her bones. She munched on them and finally looked up at him.
He stared. Eyes hard and cold, piercing through her.
She sighed. “Thank you,”
“Why can’t you see reason for once?” he questioned, seething. “Why is it that you find yourself compelled to rescue every Gods damn stray you encounter?!” His voice rose.
“I had to. They would have died,”
“SO?” He roared this time. “What does it matter? Same thing with the thieflings! We cannot dabble in everyone else’s problems! We’ve got our own!”
“I had to,” She repeated.
“They’re not our problem!” He repeated. “All you did is prologue the inevitable. If they’re too weak to defend themselves, they deserve death!” he spat, angrily.
Her eyes turned away from him, staring off into the distance. She didn’t want to see his expression. Or provide an explanation.
“If I had been there that night, you wouldn’t have become a vampire,” she spoke with a fierce softness, understanding the magnitude of her words.
At that, his mouth fell agape.
“Maybe not me. But someone like me,” She finally looked to him. “People like me make a difference, Astarion,” She stepped towards him.
He was silent.
“Being a bystander is equivalent to delivering the killing blow. You should know that better than anyone. I will not have their blood on my hands,”
“WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?” Astarion roared. “You absolute thoughtless- you’re worse than a damned goblin charger! Just straight ahead, no thoughts, no finess, no idea what your getting yourself into. For all you could have known, there could have been tens of them hiding out of sight! If you’d just stop and think for one second-“
“They would have been dead,” she snarled.
“Why do you care?! It doesn’t matter! Those people aren’t important, you are important!”
“Why, because I let you suck on me whenever you feel like it? Or because I let you fu-“
“Percisly!” he snapped.
Her expression fell a little, her scowl falling into an expression of distaste.
She scoffed, and shook her head.
“What, you’re upset with the truth? Do I need to hold myself at knife point to catch your attention, oh great saviour Niara!?” he was hurling insults as they came to mind, mindlessly.
She looked to the ground and continued to walk forward. There was only forward.
---------
It has been a week. Their endeavours against the knolls were less than successful, so they decided to retreat and take a chance with Ethel. It was early dawn, and they were going to set out for her home soon.
Astraion has not spoken to her since their argument.
Maybe it’s for the better.
Let the heartless bastard starve.
It didn’t matter anyway. Her life was one of the many things she’d wager in the gamble of everyday. She’ll do it again, and again and again. Until she earns peace.
Naira sighed, closing her eyes. She looked over to Scratch as she finished braiding her wet hair. He was lounging happily by the water. Not eager to enter, but eager to accompany her regardless. Naira smiled to herself at the sight of him.
“Not a fan of water, are you?”
“No! It makes me heavy!” the dog responded happily, tail wagging even in his laid down position.
“I thought that was only a cat thing,”
His ears lowered at the mere mention of the feline creatures.
“Well… my fur is just too heavy. I always wondered, but could never ask, are you not cold? All you fur is on your head. It’s kinda funny!” his ears perked up again.
“I do. A lot. It’s why we wear cloths,” she knelt in the water, picking up a pretty rock that caught her eye. She examined it outside of water, satisfied with its appearance. She fished out the pouch she fashioned from a fine net and placed the rock inside.
The dog seemed intrigued. “That does make a lot of sense. But why are they so colourful?”
“Because,”
“Because…?”
“Yeah. Because. We just like it. It makes us pretty. Like… Like birds,”
“You want to be birds?” the dog tilted his head. “But you can!”
“I suppose I can. Most people can’t though,”
“Is that why humans sing? To be like birds?”
She sighed, a soft smile on her face. “No… we sing for a lot of reasons. I suppose one of them is to be pretty. Another is if we’re happy. Or sad. But most importantly, we want to remember something. Something good or bad. Humans often… try to make others forget. But songs help us remember things,”
“What sort of things?”
“Hmm…” she thought. “Like that we want to be free. Or that we love something or someone,”
He faltered. “Does that mean… I’ll forget my friend? If there is no song about him?”
“No!” She exclaimed. “No, no of course not. There are things we can never forget. But songs are… a reminder! They remind us of things we care about. Keep us going. Bring us joy,”
“Oh… wow… how do you know so much about songs?”
She paused, shoulders falling slack a little. Not enough for a dog to notice, though. She smiled sadly at the critter and sighed. “I wrote many,”
The dog bounced up suddenly, light on his feet, tail waving at the sky.
“Sing me one! Sing me one! I would love to hear a song!”
“Oh, I don’t know… Everyone is asleep,”
His excited tippy tapping slowed down but did not cease. “Is there nothing you need to remember right now?”
She watched him bounce around for a few seconds before he stopped. She opened her mouth, but nothing came from it.
“Sometimes it may be better to forget the songs,”
----------
Naira wasn’t herself that day. She fought and travelled sloppily, she seemed to be far away in her own head. She was staring off into the distance or watching the clouds go by…
Shadowheart pointed it out first: “Does all that staring not give you neck cramps?”
Naira didn’t seem to notice the comment.
“Uh… Naira?”
Naira’s head snapped to Shadowheart. “Huh? Oh yes. Crabs are good, if you find any,” She returned to her business… and then glanced at the sky.
Shadowheart scoffed. “Wow…”
“Not an awful lot going on up there… or maybe in fact too much!” Gale offered, turning over a goblin corpse with his staff. “Eugh…”
Astarion said nothing.
----------
She didn’t want to be alone, but the risk of having to explain herself to any one of them was too high. She chose to rest a little away from the camp for a few hours. Secluded and private, she sat with her knees to her chest, and watched the water ebb and flow
“AGH!” she heard coming from the direction of the camp.
Her head snapped to the source of the noise, and a few seconds later Scratch came running to her, something in his mouth.
“GET BACK HERE SO I CAN WRING YOUR NECK LIKE A RAG YOU-“ Astarion’s distinctive snarl rang out, but she stopped listening right before the curses started.
The dog trotted proudly towards her and placed, what was now clearly, a shoe.
A quick whisper of magic, and she asked: “Why did you take Astarion’s shoe, buddy?” She pet the pups head.
The dog closed his eyes and wagged his tail. “He’s so mean, but he always makes you smile! I don’t know why. You have been sad lately, and I though that if I could-“
“THERE YOU ARE! You stupid mutt, I’ll kill you!”
Naira only sent him a glance from where she sat, and successfully supressed a smile as Astarion marched to her with just one shoe on.
“Can I help you with something, Astarion?” she picked the shoe up in her hand, and crossed her arms over her chest, as Scratch’s tail wagged wildly now. She stood up and the pup fell behind her, using her as a shield.
“You can start by handing over that fucking barking dinner to me, and we’ll be off to a good start,” the man was seething. Mouth open in a snarl, teeth om display.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Astarion,” she felt the dog step closer to her.
“There you go again,” he mumbled to himself. “Fine! Barking dinner and annoying dessert it is,” he made a start for the dog, but the pup picked up his cue to leave, and ran for his dear life. “Get back here, you dim-witted mutt!”
A quick whisper of magic, and Astarion was ensnared as he stood.
“Let go of me! I’ve had enough of that stupid dog and you fawning over him like he came out of Silvanus’ asshole! You-“ His eyes fell on her. “You set him up for this, didn’t you…? You-“
“Who do you take me for? If I wanted to speak to you, I would have approached you,”
“Oh please, you’re just upset that little Naira didn’t get all the attention in the world,” He snarled at her. She clenched her fist. “That’s it! Little miss Look-at-me is having attention deficit and now-“
Naira threw the shoe at his face. It hit with a resounding smack of hard leather to soft flesh.
“Maybe consider not talking shit when you’re just a standing bulls-eye,” She snarled back. “I’ve had enough of your shit talking, Astarion,”
She let the vines fade away. And then she adjusted her stance. Let’s get this over with.
Astarion simply wiped his face, removing the residue dust from his mouth.
His eyes were ice cold as he stared at her, not saying a word. When Astarion doesn’t hurl insults left and right before a fight, it means he is serious, or he is sneaking around out of sight.
And she was definitely seeing him right now.
“What? You’re just going to stand there or are we gonna do this?” most of her magic was depleted from the day of travel, but she still got about two bear forms in her, and a thunderwave or two.
His head fell back a bit, and he gauged her with his eyes, up and down. She stood her ground.
Then he pounced.
Astarion was quick. Terrifyingly so. An artifact here, some mobility training on the side, he was like an arrow shot with the wind.
Naira almost didn’t get a chance to transform. She felt his dagger at her throat for a split second, before she was nearly twice his size and shoving him back. She roared, and swiped her paws at him, pushing him back. Astarion dodged skilfully, swinging his daggers, mimicking her swipes. One dagger nicked her hand, causing one of the fingers to fall off.
She roared, and Astarion’s full attention was on her once more, instead of dodging.
This went on for a few more seconds, Naira struck him less than he did her, but she hit hard. His strikes were more frequent but less painful. She wonders how he ever managed to kill anything like that. He dodged one strike, ducking under her arm. The force of the missed strike knocked her off balance, and Astarion gave her a lethal blow to her stomach, slicing it open. The bear gave a roar, and as her guts began to spill out, they disintegrated into a bright light.
Before he could attack again, a thunderous sound echoed through the camp, and Astarion was sent flying back. He rolled over himself a few times, landing gracelessly on his back.
Before he could get up, he felt thorns pierce the skin of his shoed leg and pull him forward through the dirt. With one strong yank, she had pulled him like a ragdoll. Before he could react, he back to be face to face with her.
As he came face to face with her, she launched her second transformation.
Naira stared him down in bear form, and she roared, leaving spit speckling Astarion’s face.
Astarion panted but didn’t move to strike again.
The bear gave a rough sigh and moved away from him.
“Feeling better?” he asked, bitterness evident in his voice.
The bear form faded away, and Naira stood before him, breathing deeply. She nodded her head.
“Well, I hope you got all of that out of your system at least,” he his tone softened, but his expression remained in a deep snarl.
“I… I’m sorry,” she apologized, looking away from him. He felt the magic before he could shut her down. His wounds closed up, and he stopped bleeding, but the pain was there. Nothing a night of rest couldn’t fix up. “I didn’t set him up for it, he just wanted to… play with you. He thinks- he knows you hate him, and he wanted to fix it somehow. He’s just a stupid dog,” she turned away from him and returned to her previous spot.
Astarion watched, with a softened yet still angry expression, as she returned to sulking.
“Is this what you’re going to do from now on? Brood and whine until you lash out?!”
“No,”
“What the fuck is going on with you?!”
“Please leave me alone,”
“You assaulted me! You owe me an explanation!”
“I don’t owe you shit,” she scowled at the water.
“OH!” His tone was filled with false amusement. “So it’s only fine when you interrogate all of us about our problems, but as soon as one of us tries to-“
“Stop asking like you give a single fuck about me!” She snapped at him and turned with an angry expression. She stood up again, gracelessly. “Stop pretending like you genuinely tried to get to know me besides getting to know how I taste! You said it yourself, you need me for precisely one reason!”
“Whenever I tried to ask you, you always flipped the conversation back at me!” He wasn’t lying…
Naira just rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter anymore,”
“It does matter!” He shouted, before correcting himself. “It does matter, because whatever is bothering you is making you sloppy and makes you lash out at me of all people!”
“IT DOESN’T MATTER!” tears began to well in her eyes. “It doesn’t because I can’t fix it! I can’t change it! I can’t help it anymore! I can help you! I can let you bite me and tell me about Cazador! I can give Gale every damn artefact in the world, I can hunt every goblin alive with Wyll, I can listen to Shadowheart and keep her secrets! I can help them!”
Astarion bit his tongue. He could bite back, but he knows if he does, she’ll retreat.
“And I will! I will fix every mistake and pain I ever lay my damned eyes on because mine is helpless and permanent!” she was sobbing through her words, screaming at the top of her lungs. “Because I can’t fix mine…”
She let out a shaky breath, and she gripped her stomach tightly and protectively. Her gaze trained to the ground. “I can’t help it anymore…”
Astarion took near silent steps towards her. He stood before, and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Sit,” He gently pushed her down to sit. He followed.
“Talk,” he commanded.
She shook her head. “It doesn’t help it,”
“Talk,” he spoke more firmly.
She didn’t meet his eyes at first, but when she did, he felt something pull at his rusty heart strings…
“I don’t want to…” She whispered.
“Well that’s just too bad. Talk,”
“I… My circle. I did something that cost them their lives, and I have nothing to show for it now,”
“No,” he shook his head. “Talk,”
She scoffed. “Astarion, please, just let this go. I’m sorry I provoked you, I promise I won’t do it again, but don’t-“
“I don’t care about your sorry excuses. You never relent when it comes to shit like this. Now it’s my turn, and I don’t care if it takes all night, we’re going to sit here and you’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on with you or we’ll just sit here forever,”
Her eyes fell slightly, from his face to his chest.
They said nothing to one another for a few seconds before she spoke.
“I don’t know how… how to start…” she mumbled.
He let out a slow, exasperated and angry sigh. “From the beginning,”
Naira scoffed.
Astarion bit his tongue. “Naira,”
She looked into his eyes.
“Please. Talk to me,”
There was unexpected sincerity in his voice, which surprised them both.
“Every year, our circle held a ritual. The Rite of Rebirth. It helps the blessed, the druids, become more powerful. And grants a chance for those who aren’t blessed to win Silvanus’ favour and become Druids, but that is rare,”
He nodded once, beckoning her to speak more.
“It’s a large celebration. Our circle was an open one. All were welcome to join and watch. Everyone participates for the first time when they turn sixteen. There hasn’t been a new druid among us for maybe… ten years? That’s a bad thing. Our circle was nomadic, we moved around, and the druids often felt… a calling to one place or another. Our numbers were thinning out.
I left my circle before I could first participate in the Rebirth. I didn’t show any aptitude for druidism, didn’t think the rite would make a difference. I…” She smiled wistfully. “I wanted to be a musician. So badly. I sang like a bird, but didn’t have a hope at the lute,”
“I went to Baldur’s Gate the first chance I got. I danced well and sang. Got myself a job at a small tavern, Crows Wit,”
There was a flash of recognition in Astarion’s eyes at that but nothing ground breaking. He’s passed that place a few times while prowling around… he’s sure that if he raked his mind, he could recall hearing her voice. A chill ran down his spine.
“It didn’t pay well but I liked it there. Food was free and they housed me in the basement. I was a performer for… four years there? The owners were kind, patient people. They thought me to write in common, actually. Up until then I could only read Elvish,”
She smiled fondly at the memory. Their son, Calum, was enthralled by her. If not for what followed, she might have even wriggled her way into inheriting the thing with him. If not for love, for profit.
“My circle had a pattern they would follow and adjust accordingly to whoever found a calling. They visited Baldur’s Gate, on my fourth year away. When I went to visit them… it was pitiful, really. It pained me, but there was nothing I could do. I wasn’t a fighter. I wasn’t an adept survivalist or anything like that. I couldn’t do anything for them, even if I wanted to. And I didn’t want to,”
She hung her head low in shame.
“I made a life for myself. I managed to get something, all by myself. I thought: ‘If they put some thought to it, they would have left the circle years ago too. Made their own way in the world.’. I didn’t understand.
There was ten of them. One druid. One. Not like they were before. Not like how I remembered it. My father still lived, but mother had passed a few years prior. Father said it was peaceful when we reunited.
They held the Rebirth, like they always did when the first snow began to fall. They were still so bright. Even though their situation was dire, none of them seemed to care about their hardship and pain. They had each other. That’s what mattered to them. They had each other, and they didn’t care whether or not they were powerful druids or simple hunters. I realized that they didn’t need to make a name. They knew who they were. I didn’t.
It made me happy. Happier than I was in a long time. I participated for the first time that year. My father was thrilled. He was even more thrilled when I was gifted.
And it was… spectacular, Astarion. I cannot find the words. They welcomed me like a queen. People chanting, dancing, and feasting… all because of me. Everyone pounced at the opportunity to teach me. Share their knowledge, their old writings, and notes, passed from druid to druid for generations. It’s how I learned my first cantrip.
I spent two years with them. Migrating from place to place, learning about everything I missed out on for those four years. It felt right. Like a missing piece of a puzzle, you know? My calling.
But I still carried song in my heart. I… I longed for it. The cheer and the thrill of moving people. One day, we were passing through a… particularly troubled settlement. They were being harassed by bandits. I do not even remember the name of it now, but I could walk there with my eyes closed. It was our last night there before we would migrate to a mountain pass, where we would stay for a month with no contact with the outside world.
We had earned ourselves another druid at that point, a young boy, just sixteen. It made three now. I though us invincible at that point. What’s a dagger to an angry bear?
I was on guard duty that night. But I though… I could sneak away. I grabbed my notes, my songs, my jokes. I wanted one more night. One more night of drunken antics, music and lovers abound,”
Astarion watched her eyes glaze over with a coldness he could recognize all too well; a bitter anger and regret.
“Those people, my circle, they worked day and night to stay afloat. And all they asked was for me to defend them. Protect them. All I had to do was guard the camp. Sound the alarm at the sign of trouble. That was all I had to do. If I had just…”
She paused. For a long time. She shook her head mournfully.
“All of them. Throats slit, even the children, the place ransacked, our idol taken. It wasn’t even worth anything. Nothing we had was worth taking, but our lives,” she grew increasingly angry as she spoke.
“It was vile,” She snarled. “And it was my fault,”
“It was,” he spoke softly. “You were young and stupid,”
“I was ignorant, greedy. Full of myself, Astarion. I thought… I thought I could have the world,”
They sat in the dirt in silence. He didn’t reach out to her but let her cry softly.
“I just wish… I wish I was there. To either die with my people, or to defend them,”
“If you had died there no one would have saved the thieflings,”
She said nothing.
“You were hell bent on it. Myself, Shadowheart and Lazel would have walked right past that grove. They meant nothing to me. Still don’t. But you. You saved them. You are the single reason fifty or so thielfings are alive right now,”
She just shook her head. “You don’t get it,”
“I don’t get you that you made a mistake? That you were foolish? That you more than made up for it?”
“I can never make up for it,”
“You can. And you have,” he scowled. “You’re so… good. It’s sickening sometimes. It costs you pain and sorrow, but you throw yourself into danger headfirst to save other. It makes no sense sometimes… I suppose now it does,”
“I was supposed to protect them. Our leader, Torin, he… he wanted me as an understudy. Wanted me to lead our circle into a brighter future… and I turned my back on them in favour of one night. I could have been a turning tide for that circle. But instead, I was their doom,”
He finally reached out his hand. He placed it on her cheek and drew her in closer. He kissed her forehead.
“You made a mistake, Naira. But you let it change you for the better. You are good. Strong. They… they would have been proud of you,” he wasn’t good at this.
She leaned her head forward and pressed it against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her gently. All of his anger had vanished, replaced with fury.
This was the reason she was reckless. A loose cannon willing to die for anyone and everyone in need. She put herself first once in her life, at the bright age of twenty-three, and she doomed herself to a life of servitude to a stranger.
“What brought this on?” he whispered.
“You. That couple in the forest. And Scratch. He-“
“Stupid dog,” He gripped her a little tighter.
She giggled, music to his ears. “No, it wasn’t his fault. He asked why people sing. And I said to remember. And I need to remember. It is my penance,”
“You repaid your debt tenfold already,”
“No,” She shook her head against his chest. “No, I haven’t, Astarion,”
The sat there for an hour. Pressed against one another, both sore from their fight and cold from the evening nip.
“Sing me something,” He asked softly.
She shook her head against his chest.
“Please. Let me hear you…”
There was a moment of pause. She rotated herself, so her back pressed against his chest with his legs either side of hers, comfortable enveloped. they looked out at the water.
“How it must… feel to be a bird. Roaming lonely overseas. How it must, feel to be a bird. Gate and Waterdeep beneath… And I’ll wait on my own,” she mumbled. Her voice half a whisper, and half a tune.
“And I couldn’t tell you enough that I’m sorry. And oh, you couldn’t tell me enough, that you love me,”
“And even though this life, this love is brief,” she gripped his hands tightly around herself. “I’ve got some people to carry me,”