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Although she had never been lucky here, even during her junior carrier, Vi loved Monaco. The track might no longer be suitable for F1 cars nowadays, but the history it held; the adrenalin that pulsed through her veins every time she got to push down the throttle, even when it meant that she was coming uncomfortably close to the barriers. And yes, overtaking was difficult, but if you were smart enough (and as Caitlyn would say: reckless enough), you could always go for the tiny corners and force other drivers to let you through.
This was the primary reason Vi has been labeled as a dirty driver ever since she first joined Formula 1. Dirty, aggressive, arrogant, not deserving her seat at Piltover Racing. Nobody cared, that while she was still in Zaun F1 Team, during her debut year, she dragged the dark green shitbox to points every race the engine didn’t burst. Or that last season, during her very first year with Piltover, she had more podium finishes than her teammate- Jayce Talis.
And this year was supposed to be theirs- as the new regulations completely changed everything they had so far, Vi was told to prepare mentally not for points finishes, but for wins and to deliver her very best, the team was behind her. She was promised that. This is why she was fine with spending her entire winter break at the factories, working hard in supporting and training in the simulator.
“Just like we talked about 3 years ago,” Cassandra Kiramman, the CEO of Kiramman Industries and Vi’s primary sponsor, told her during the break. “Deliver good results, keep your mouth shut, and I will stay behind your back.”
And so far it had been going relatively well- in everyone’s opinion, the battle for the driver championship was shaping up to be between Vi and Kino Medarda- the driver of Noxus and the winner from last year. He already had the mentality of a world champion and was, in Vi’s opinion, a generational talent. But so was she, so she wasn’t going to make it easy for him to go home with another title.
So she had to win the Monaco GP- it was the diamond in Kino’s crown. He won here last year and was the record holder for the fastest lap. If she was able to get that win from him, she could win the mental battle for the next race.
With Vi’s DNF last race due to a failure in the car’s MGU-H, her pole position yesterday was a good morale boost for the team and she had Jayce securing the front row with her in P2. She had an encouraging breakfast with her side of the garage and did a warm-up with them before the start. By any means It was set to be a good race.
Ha-ha. Set up to be a good race…
Once it stopped raining heavily, she boxed for Intermediate tyres around lap 28, losing 2 positions due to it, but there wasn’t a worry, as she could quickly regain one after Jayce boxed the next lap and then either wait for Kino to box or race him for a position. But nobody told her, that the team was thinking about keeping Jayce on track, and with the asphalt getting drier, a new pit stop was coming in soon for slicks.
That's fine, Vi tried to remind herself, Trust the team, they have the data, they have the strategy.
“And box now, box. Box now for Hards,” her race director, Marcus, told her on lap 33.
“Copy,” Vi said, pressing the Pit confirmed button, as she flew past Sector 3. It was a questionable call, pitting her so soon after the previous pitstop, but the track was getting too dry. The problem came when she did the final turn for the pit stop lane and her stomach sank down. Jayce’s white and golden car was right in front of her, pitting for hards as well, which meant that Vi had to almost come to a stop before she could be taken in, losing a good couple of seconds. Very much a precious couple of seconds that both Noxus cars could use to take the lead.
“Stay out! Stay out! Stay out!” Marcus almost screamed at the radio and for a second Vi really wanted to take her steering wheel out and beat the crap out of him with it.
“FUCK! FUCK!” Vi screamed as hard as she could through her radio, logic aside for once in her carrier, pure emotions taking over, “WHY?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!|
Vi was unable to make out any of what Marcus said when he spoke again. She was upset, her heart was pounding so quickly it almost hurt, and she was gripping the steering wheel so firmly that she could almost feel the pressure on her biceps. She caught a glimpse of a pair of blue eyes watching her with some sadness from inside the garage during the brief 2.5 seconds she was stopped. Vi didn't respond to it, and as soon as she got released back, a fresh set of hard tyres fitted in, she sped off. By the time she was back on track, she knew she was good 2-3 cars behind the leader. And although she was certain that she could make an overtake in Monaco, she knew that 1 overtake was a possibility, 2 was pure luck and 3 was nothing but imagination.
Vi mostly stayed silent for the rest of the race, answering any questions briefly, but outdriving her car like never before. Yeah, she came very close to kissing the barrier numerous times, in her very own style, passing slightly more aggressively any backmarkers in her way when it took them more than 2-3 seconds to let her pass through. She knew and understood, that the media would have a lot of juicy material to write about her after the end of the race, but she couldn’t care any less. You don’t play the Formula game if you are nice, even the biggest names in the sport were known to be assholes when driving.
“Be careful with your tyres. We can’t afford another pitstop,” Marcus told her at some point, and with a lot of love, Vi ignored him. She had a lot of stuff to say, but her outburst earlier probably already had given her a red flag in Cassandra Kirramman’s eyes.
She had to go over 15 laps to catch up to P3, which was, shockingly, Kino. Since she was aware that Jayce was in P2, the other Noxus was in the lead. Okay, so maybe she wasn't going to win, but if she were to give Kino a little push, they still had a chance for a double podium. If she finished before him, she would still be leading the championship, even by a couple of points. A plan immediately formed in her head- she could drive a few laps just behind him, apply enough pressure to make him nervous and on the verge of making a mistake, and then pass him after the tunnel. She just needed to maintain her focus, there was still time for her to succeed. Yes, her tyres were slowly starting to wear down, but so were his, so if she was going to make a move, it needed to be now. As the new lap began, she nearly attached herself to his back wing.
Her radio had to be opened after that.
“Do not battle. Keep position,” Marcus told her, as he had read her mind.
“Why?” Vi finally spoke.
“You still have over 25 laps. Protect your tyres.”
Protect the tyres? She had to drive now while they were still in good condition because they would eventually wear out. Additionally, Vi truly disliked depending on the potential for a safety car to provide a free pit stop because there was a good likelihood that everyone was already at ease enough to drive safely.
“I have to push now!” she said a little loud, but still not a yell.
“Negative,” Marcus told her, some annoyance in his voice, “Wait for a safety car for soft tyres.”
There might not be a safety car, your stupid, worthless idiot, Vi thought. But orders were orders and if she was to keep her contract with the team, she had to follow them.
In an F1 race, there were 3 possibilities- they would either finish without any problems, or there would be a crash. Then the race could either be fully stopped with a red flag, while the marshals removed the wreckage and then restart, or there would be a safety car out, where many cars would go in the pits for a fresh set of rubbers. Everything was possible- a safety car decided the winner last year, at the very last lap.
This time though, Vi wasn’t that lucky. Mostly she stayed close behind Kino, observing his every move. His team had probably told him, that she was under orders to not overtake, but still didn’t look comfortable enough. At some point, she even saw him almost spin out, but was quickly able to regain back control over the car and keep on driving.
Laps passed.
No racing accident, no safety car.
2 laps remain. Given that Vi's tyres were barely hanging, she had no hope of passing at this moment. If she tried, she had a better chance of crashing and triggering a safety car on her own. P4 was better than another DNF. So she stayed behind.
Yesterday she was on a pole.
Now she wasn’t even going to be on the podium.
All because of a stupid mistake and it wasn’t fair.
“Race finished,” Marcus announced after she crossed the line, “And that’s a P4. Good job.”
“Yeah,” Vi mumbled, not even bothering to press the radio button. She drove the cooldown lap, watching the drivers in front of her, waving at fans around. Vi knew she had to act nicely, and wave around like the good and respectful driver her PR team was trying to promote her as. Thankfully her helmet hid everything, so nobody could put emotion into her tasteless waving. Well, maybe the media could, but then again they could write anything and nobody could stop them.
Vi was free of any attention as she parked her car in the pit lane since, thankfully, only the podium finishers would have to park directly at the starting line and all eyes would be on them and on the podium ceremony. She just needed to go through the post-race interviews and team debrief, but only thinking about that was giving her a headache.
“Hey,” someone called next to her and Vi realized, that she was still sitting in her car. Caitlyn, Cassandra’s daughter, and Vi’s girlfriend and personal trainer, was kneeled right next to the car, hand on Vi’s arm, “Come on. Let’s go inside.”
She assisted her in removing the headrest, and Vi then disconnected the steering wheel, climbed out of the car, and pushed the steering wheel back as a steward stood next to her to ensure she didn't touch any other parts of the car. Nobody was allowed to handle or even touch the car while it was in parc ferme because doing so would result in a huge, expensive fine and Vi didn’t want any more problems. She quickly did her weight check, not surprised that she was 2kg lighter than when she started the race, and then Caitlyn walked her inside the garage. Thankfully it was empty, everyone was out to celebrate Jayce’s second place, even her side of the garage. Good, she didn’t want to see any of them right now.
Caitlyn led her upstairs, past the pit wall, and into the debriefing room, where the blinds were already drawn, a fresh towel, a big bottle of water, an energy drink, and a protein bar already waiting for her at the table.
“You okay? Any pain?” Caitlyn asked, as Vi finally removed her helmet and HANS device.
“I am just tired” Vi whispered and felt Caitlyn’s hand on her chin, as her girlfriend gently turned to face her and planted a small kiss on her forehead.
“It will be alright,” she told her, resting her own forehead on Vi’s. “What happened today wasn’t your fault.”
“Yeah…”
“Yes. Nobody blames you for what happened today.”
Vi swallowed hard. It was easier said than done. Retiring the car last race was hard enough when she was in such a comfortable position. But today? Today someone’s decision had butchered her race and now Kino was again in the lead. Normally she would let it pass, human mistakes happen, and errors were always expected when one was fighting for the margin of a second. But when she joined the team, Vander especially told her to be careful with them. Yes, Piltover was the oldest team in the sport, it held its special history, and it was known for having most victories than any other team, most race starts, most… everything. But it also held the reputation of ruining drivers, driving them to their very edge of possibilities until they could no longer keep going. And maybe Vi was overthinking it too much, but...
She is responsible for upholding morals on her side of the garage at any cost. And now she was so upset and frustrated even though she couldn't hold them responsible for what occurred today. She wanted to scream, punch, and choke Marcus to death. Anything that could help her with the dreaded feeling in her back, as if thousands of needles were piercing her skin and she could not stand still enough.
“FUCK!” she finally screamed, punching the table as hard as she could. Her hand screamed in agony, but what so? “WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM ME?!”
“Vi…” Caitlyn tried to calm her, but she was already angry enough to just stop.
“DRIVE THE CAR! OUTPERFORM! SAY THIS, NOT THIS ABOUT THE TEAM! DON’T DEFY ORDERS! DON’T DO THIS, DON’T DO THAT, BUT WIN OR WILL BE KICKED OUT! AND NOW THIS?!”
“Vi, I need you to calm down,” Caitlyn tried again, but Vi couldn’t just stop.
“THEY HAD THE TIME TO SEE THAY JAYCE WAS COMING IN! IF THEY WANT HIM TO WIN SO BADLY, MAYBE THEY SHOULD JUST PUT IT IN MY CONTRACT THAT I AM TO PLAY THE ROLE OF A SECOND DRIVER!” she screamed, throwing hands in the air. There was a sudden movement and a hand landed on her shoulder, to which Vi immediately snapped, “DO NOT TOUCH ME!”
“Violet!” Caitlyn yelled this time and Vi froze. She never meant to take it out on her, she was just so angry and it was hard to bottle all those feelings when she was always known for her anger issues. “Take a deep breath with me, come on.”
Vi followed Cait's lead and closed her eyes before taking a deep breath. She was still angry, but she could now feel how raw her throat felt from screaming. It truly soothed her. Her muscles loosened after taking another deep breath, but the back of her skull headache reappeared.
“That’s it,” she heard Caitlyn say, “Do you want me to leave you alone for a little bit?”
“No,” Vi shocked her head, “I am sorry, I didn’t want to do that. I just…”
“I know, I know." Caitlyn said, "Come here."
The hug that came next was much needed. Vi only discovered how touch-deprived she was and how amazing it genuinely felt to be hugged like that after they started dating. It was comforting to feel a body so close to her. They stayed like this for a little bit, enough for Vi to calm herself down.
"You are very stiff," Caitlyn broke the hug, "Want to lay on the floor for a little bit?"
Caitlyn moved one of the chairs as Vi lay down, elevating her feet on it. It was a very good technique for a quick 10-minute rest after every race, as it helped Vi feel more energized and to think clearly when she got asked questions. After some races, she would find herself dozing off, but most of the time she didn’t truly fall asleep. The deep relaxation mixed with the improved blood flow was enough after racing for 2 hours in her tiny cockpit furnace. Caitlyn mostly stayed silent during those sessions, guarding the door to make sure nobody came in.
Vi had been feeling like that ever since the start of the season, the constant dread at every moment, every weekend. At Zaun, she was in charge, because the team was barely hanging on and she was mostly allowed to do whatever she pleased, as long as she scored points. But here? Who was Vi? Some random kid that came from the lowest of social class, who trained mainly in her mind because karting was expensive and she could only go once per month. Who fought tooth and nail to get herself here, who had the talent, but F1 was always about money first. She never spoke about it, but she understood the favoritism that was shown toward Jayce.
Ever since last season, he was the one to get the upgrades first, to run the better car. When it came to testing, he was mostly relaxed, she was the one put in the endless testing cycles that left her sleep deprived during the winter break. Jayce was allowed mistake, what was a crash or two for him? If Vi was to crash, it wasn’t going to go unnoticed.
She didn’t truly care, it has always been like this. It has always been her against the richer kids. But the burden of having to carry all the team’s expectations was starting to feel a little bit too heavy.
“Was your mom angry after I cursed the hell out of Marcus?” Vi asked.
“No speaking,” Caitlyn reminded her, but Vi rolled her eyes.
“Oh, come on. Was she ready to burn my contract?” Vi almost laughed out and heard Cait chucked at this.
“No,” her girlfriend answered softly, “she was angry, but at the strategists who did whatever they did today. She knew your reaction was normal.”
Silence. Vi inhaled deeply and felt her body unwind, listening to footsteps closing in and then a body sitting right next to her.
“We were all surprised you followed team orders, though,” Caitlyn said, “Jinx stormed off angrily after you didn’t try to overtake Kino. Something about The old Vi would have eaten that motherfucker .”
Vi laughed quietly, “Please tell me nobody from the media heard this?”
“It’s okay, I disconnected her microphone before the race, so nobody but me heard it.”
“Well, she may understand it when she reaches F1, although I believe that if Silco makes a team, she would have a permanent spot there and plenty of opportunities to drive somebody into a wall in Monaco.”
Unlike her, her sister had the financial backing of Silco, some old friend of Vander. And this security was giving results- her sister had just debuted this year in F3 and was already scoring podium finishes 3 races in the season, with the very real chance to grab the World Champion title if she tried hard enough. It would be truly amazing if she was to do so while Vi was battling for the WDC in formula 1. Their parents would have been proud. Vander would be so proud.
But this couldn’t happen again.
“I really wanted to win,” Vi murmured. Caitlyn took a deep breath and Vi felt her move right behind her, taking Vi’s head in her lap and messaging her skull. This helped, as the pressure she was feeling in her head since the end of the race slowly started dissolving.
“Do you want to talk about it,” Cait asked, her voice so smooth and soft, like honey.
That was lovely, really lovely. Vi occasionally needed to be reminded of how fortunate she was to have Caitlyn by her side. She was waiting for Vi to get out of the car after any race, successful or unsuccessful, to check on her, to kiss her, and rub her back. Remind her that although Vi’s entire life so far was about racing, there was more to the future than that. Even after a race like this one, Caitlyn was still there to support Vi and keep her grounded when her emotions overcame her.
“It’s the first race I ever saw, I was 6,” Vi started explaining. “ It was a little after we started living with Vander. Usually, on Sundays, Milo and Clagger were on the TV, watching their weird animations and stuff, but on that particular Sunday, they were grounded in their room. Can’t even remember why. Powder was taking a nap in our room, so I decided to hang around with Vander. And I watched the race with him and was so impressed, that almost got sad when it ended. Back then the cars were a lot smaller and there was a lot more action. Anyway, I hyper-fixated on it and started watching every race with Vander afterward, sometimes mimicking drivers. It wasn’t long afterward when Vander signed me up for karting. And even during the karting practices, I would imagine I was driving in Monaco. I had the entire track memorized in my head and how I would drive it.”
Still with her eyes closed, Vi lifted her hands, holding her imaginary wheel.
“Start, first gear, second, first turn. Climb the hill, up to seven, lower down at third. Turn around, second gear, down the hill. Full throttle through the tunnel, and slow down after the exit. Turn at second gear, full speed up to 4th, take the last sector as fast as possible, careful turn, and then everything again,” she murmured, mimicking the drive, before resting her hands on her stomach. “And somehow, when I finally got to Monaco, even during F2 and the last two years, there was always something happening, DNFs; crashes. And now this year…”
“Well, at least you finished this year,” Caitlyn suddenly said and Vi jumped up, turning around with a smug.
“Cupcake…”
“Okay, maybe it wasn’t my best comment. Don’t kill me,” Cait said, raising her hands in the air, but Vi had to give it to her- that joke really uplifted her mood quickly.
“Oh, don’t worry. I have a long, long list before I even consider any of the Kirammans. Starting with Marcus, could it be considered an accident if he accidentally falls and somehow chokes on a wire in the garage?”
“Oh, please don’t,” Caitlyn laughed, “I don’t know how the PR team would explain that.”
Vi bit her lower lip, “Thank you, Cupcake. And sorry once again for earlier.”
“It’s fine. We will work that through,” Caitlyn said, brushing her arm, “Now drink up and get ready for the interviews.”
“Oh, do we need to?” Vi whined, standing up “Like what if we randomly disappear and go back to the hotel? All eyes are still on the podium.”
“Do I need to remind you that the fine for skipping is 25 000 dollars?”
“So?”
“So?” Caitlyn stood up, approaching Vi. “For 25 000 dollars, you can buy me a very pretty engagement ring.”
“Oh, Cupcake, you keep surprising me,” Vi laughed. “Last time I checked, you were the filthy rich one in the relationship.”
“Last time I checked, you are making 7 million per season. Besides, remember when you got super drunk after Bahrain and promised to propose to me once you become a world champion?”
“ If I become a world champion,” Vi tried to correct her but was quickly silenced when Caitlyn pulled her for a kiss. It felt affectionate and passionate, warm and euphoric, although it finished too fast.
“God, you smell,” was the last thing Vi was expecting to hear from her girlfriend.
“I am a high-performance athlete, love. Athletes sweat. And smell.”
“Oh, I will give you a real good reason to sweat tonight,” Cait told her with a smile. ”No, go, I will prepare the car for afterward.”
"Okay, see you later."
"Vi?" Cait said, just as Vi was able to leave the room, "It's going to get better, alright?"
"Yeah," Vi whispered.
It helped, a little. There was still a lot to unpack, but being able to relax in safety around Caitlyn, being able to say what was truly on her mind and not keeping it in. Vi always tried to fight off his part of her, she didn’t want to be like her dad. He was usually angry at the world, yelling, screaming, and throwing stuff around because they could barely scrape money for food. After he and her mother died, Vi found herself in way too many situations where she looked and acted like him. Karting and sports helped her a little. It still did, the thrill of driving so fast, overtaking, racing. She never wanted to lose that. But finally having someone as amazing as Caitlyn behind her back was different. It was uplifting, it meant actually being happy when everything else looked bland and tasteless. It meant that yeah, Vi might be reckless, but this time around she actually had a reason to finish any race in one piece, so she could return to Cait.
And she never wanted to lose that.