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Ryuji laid alone within his bed, staring at the ceiling for any ounce of motivation. School had been mundane and quiet this Saturday. The world’s dull gray hues stuck out more to Ryuji as he sulked to and from his classes within the cacophonous halls that seemed far less exciting than before.
Is this what he really anticipated after the “Day of Fates” with his fellow Phantom Thieves? Was Ryuji just that naive to think everything would look brighter and sound melodiously louder after they destroyed the “ideal reality” that Dr. Maruki conjured for everyone to treasure?
If only Ren-Ren were here. Perhaps then, Ryuji could allow his anxieties to melt away with his gentle kiss, his sparkling eyes, and his baritone voice.
If only Ren wasn’t taken away...
A muffled vibration beside his pillow brought Ryuji back to reality. He turned to his side and flipped over his phone screen to face him. It subsequently beamed the usual cerulean light against his face, cutting to yellow as he entered a newfound group chat for him, Ann, and Futaba:
Ann: Hey, Ryuji! Are you there?
Futaba: Been a few...you good, Knucklehead? 0_0
Though he rolled his eyes with a sheepish grin, he couldn’t help but feel a warm spark in his chest as he texted back:
Ryuji: Sorry. I was napping. Sup?
Futaba: HE SPEAKS! :O
Ann: Hey there! Listen: we’re right outside your apartment. Can you pack some snacks real quick? Get yourself something warm to wear, too.
Futaba: Don’t forget blankets! Extra fluffy ones, too!
Ann: Yeah, those too! Meet us outside with all that.
Ryuji: What for?
Ann: You’ll see, hehe!
Ann: We wanted to get the rest of the group here, too. But, everyone’s out and about with their own things, and you probably will need this...
Ann: Oh, and you’re not taking any rainchecks. Not when Futaba and I are already paying for a taxi.
Futaba: You heard her! Get moving! >:(
It seemed Ryuji had little choice.
Ryuji: ‘Kay, then. I’ll be outside in a few minutes!
Futaba: Noice! You better be extra fast today!
Ryuji clumsily leapt from his bed and set to work. He hastily stuffed a duffel bag with two sapphire-blue blankets, then snagged another bag to throw in a few protein bars and water bottles; he would’ve liked some soda to round out the pack, but he and his mom would probably have to drop by the grocery store a lot earlier, then.
Throwing his trusty blue coat over his wiry frame, Ryuji scooped up the bags and tiptoed past his exhausted mother as he silently flew out the door. Clocking in at, perhaps, three minutes, Ryuji hoped he wasn’t too late for...well, whatever.
Stargazing at Inokashira Park certainly wasn’t what Ryuji expected or could incite his own excitement for, but the girls had already involved a taxi driver. Cheap or not, the former track star knew it’d be crass to turn down whatever their plans were at that point.
Still, he remained hushed throughout the car ride. Save for the little small talk that Ann and Futaba could poke out of him, Ryuji favored his uncharacteristic silence as he let his imagination cloud his consciousness.
As he closed his eyes, he could see Ren take his hand, guiding him into the tranquil playground of stars amidst a dark void. The two would walk side by side, leaving the sound of lightly splashing water in their footsteps. The two talked about incoherent trivialities, as Ryuji just wanted to hear that deep, velvety tone soothe his aching desire to hear it again, after such a long—
“Ryuji! Hey! ”
His eyes shot wide open, his body jolting to alertness from Futaba’s bark. He rubbed his eyes, muttering meaningless apologies as he struggled to not plop back against the seat and return to the pretty world he made within his head.
“Hehe,” Ann giggled, shaking her head. “You’ll be awake soon enough, Ryuji. We’re almost at the place—oh, and Futaba! I scouted out a really nice clearing for us three to see the stars!”
“Oh, you better have!” Futaba sneered, pulling out a silver and black telescope. “I need to see those pretty dots in 4K!”
Ryuji seemed to strike his balance between silence and better awareness of his reality, though he could’ve sworn it was partly because he could feel Ann’s inspecting eyes on his every fidget and blink.
“Guess the universe is a lot bigger than we know,” Ryuji sighed, surprisingly enthralled by the dots etched into the dark sky.
The sapphire blue glow at the far end of the sky’s landscape made way for a pitch black so deep, much like a void, that the tiny white stars glowed even brighter in the sharp contrast. It was beautiful, much to the embarrassing shock of the blond’s more action-oriented mind.
Futaba yanks her laptop out of her own bag, as Ann gives Ryuji a smile as warm and kind as her beauty glowing from within the darkness.
“It’s hard to think of what nobody knows in our world,” she laments. “It’s kinda like the Metaverse was, in that sense. But, I kinda like the mystery behind space and the universe as we don’t know it. It’s scary, but it’s nothing we can’t do anything about down the road. Even now, it leaves a lot to the imagination before we figure it out more.”
“Well, actual scientists will,” Ryuji ponders aloud.
Ann nods with a chuckle, as Futaba snickers behind gritted teeth at her bright laptop screen.
“Well here’s something we’ve got some good info on,” the geeky girl beams. “I was just glossing over the Zodiac signs in astrology, right? Well, the common personality traits for every sign are pretty telling. I mean maybe a little general, but still!”
“I’ll go first, then,” Ann probes Futaba on, leaning back on Ryuji’s sprawled-out blanket. “I think I’m a Scorpio, right?”
With a click on her mousepad, Futaba hums for a second—then nods in the next.
“Yep!” she exclaims. “Scorpio signs are considered ‘passionate’ and ‘independent.’ Even throwing in ‘stubborn’ at the end of this list.”
“Nothing wrong with going at one thing a bunch!” Ann teases with a hearty laugh.
“Touche! Now,” Futaba continues slowly, “it looks like I’m a...Pisces! So...um—”
The girl is sheepish and bashful as her eyes scan the laptop screen’s text and colorful graphics.
“Guess they consider me,” she continues, “artistic...empathetic...and wise. Welp, that’s what computing and hacking skills will do to you! Mwehehe!”
Ryuji begins to faintly smile at Futaba’s endearing cheeriness towards the end, but drops it when he realizes that he’s next. He feels the spark in his chest electrocuting himself.
“So, Ryuji’s sign is Cancer,” the girl mumbles, “which means...yeet, here we go! And awww , listen to this! You’re intuitive, compassionate, and protective! Isn’t that cute?!”
Yeah, that’s kinda cute , Ryuji admits to himself with an audible chuckle.
Even so, the silence kicks in right after. Ryuji’s dark chocolate eyes stayed glued to the sky, whose remaining hues of lighter colors were fading in favor of the sheer black blanket of white dots.
“Actually…” Ryuji slowly mumbled, “what about Ren? Ren’s sign thingy?”
A few clicks of her laptop get Futaba talking. In turning to her, however, Ryuji swears he could see Ann’s disconcerted stare at him in the corner of his eye.
“Ren is a Leo,” Futaba presses on, “making him dramatic, fiery, and even self-assured.”
Ryuji’s solemn smile confirms it: that was Ren Amamiya, alright.
“Ryuji, please.”
Ann’s voice is darker. It was commanding and interrogative, but somehow still gentle.
“What’s going on in your head? Are you okay?”
A second of silence. Then Ryuji could’ve sworn his heart leapt a little as he started spitting out incoherent excuses.
“I mean,” he stammered, “it’s not any different from the rest of you. I don’t want Ren being away from us for bullshit reasons, y’know?”
“But it’s you and Ren who love each other,” Ann probed, “right? You two are incredibly close, and that’s something you need to acknowledge to yourself.”
The crisp air feels colder than ever, sending a chill through Ryuji’s shaking body. In the next instant, Ryuji had slowly laid himself on the blanket—and something was welling up at the brims of his eyes.
Ryuji looks to the stars—and sees Ren’s lively charcoal eyes within them. The tears slide gracelessly down the temples of his eyes.
“When we got back,” he whimpered, “and Ren was gone? It felt like my heart got ripped out of me and thrown to the goddamn wind. I don’t get why this world wants to kick us all down, over and over again.”
He crosses his arms over his chest, aching for warmth without having to rip out the entire blanket from under all three of them.
“And that leaves what Maruki was doing,” he shuddered. “Whatever we did, it was something not right or wrong. It was just... gray . Whatever we did. Either ideal or real, and nothing that gave us both. And I...I…”
Futaba’s laptop had quietly closed shut, as she and Ann crept closer to Ryuji.
“...I just don’t get it. But it shouldn’t be anyone’s problem, damnit...”
Ryuji surrendered to the sobs. He had never cried like this for months—and yet, he let the pit inside him lance through his heart.
Ann Takamaki, however, wouldn’t have any of it. She propped Ryuji up, who willingly rested his head on her collarbone. He could feel his sniffles in discord with her even breathing, made more apart as he felt Futaba wrap her slender arms around his waist.
“Ryuji,” Ann gently cooed, “when a friend of ours is hurt—whoever it is in our team—it is our problem.”
The young boy lets himself sob quietly in the grasps of his two friends, their tight hugs unwavering as he allows his weeping to rock his weak, tired body.
“I haven’t seen you cry this much,” Futaba sighs from beneath him. “But I don’t mind it. Not if it means you don’t bottle things up for once.”
Ryuji can’t muster a great speech to assure his comrades, only able to pat Futaba on her soft head twice or thrice.
But Ann’s words, spoken by a voice as serene as Ryuji’s mother’s childhood lullabies to him so long ago, calmed his tears and diminished his trembling.
“I heard a saying once,” she lamented. “‘Only in the darkness can you see the stars.’ This quote is for all of us. I’m sure of it. Ryuji, don’t ever feel that you have to suffer alone, or even in silence. There are beacons of hope out there, even amidst the scum that life throws at us. But if we push through, and keep running for that hope, we’ll be at ease in no time. I promise.”
“Yeah,” Futaba suddenly sniffles, squeezing Ryuji’s waist. “I mean...I wouldn’t ever want Mom dead. But if I keep collecting more and more key items to let me become stronger, then maybe something good will come about everything. Y’know?”
Ryuji surrenders to a calm smile—and somehow keeps it when he hears Ann’s own gentle, heartfelt sob. He looks up to her, and sees the stars above somehow reflecting within the sparkle of her cerulean eyes.
“It’s okay to cry, Ryuji,” she whispers through her tears. “You just have to get back up, and carry on with life, however much it hurts.”
A final tear cascades down Ryuji’s jaw, and Ann’s gentle finger brushes it off. Her motherly smile, never blocked by her blonde hair dancing in the small breeze, is radiant to him.
“Your crying face is actually really cute, Ryuji,” she giggles. “But...your smile is cuter. Keep it ready for when Ren is back.”
The three would return their eyes to the stars, which seemed to twinkle brighter than moments ago.
Ren Amamiya returned on February 13th, and Ryuji Sakamoto’s starry smile welcomed him home.