Chapter Text
They hadn't sat in silence like this for some time. The soothing hum of the TARDIS seemed much louder than usual, as if the ship had a point to make, and even the Doctor was motionless, just staring into the console as if it would reveal something to him.
Rose slumped further into the battered plush of the jump-seat, propping her legs up on the console's rim and exhaling heavily. The motion made the Doctor's eyes flick over to her for a second, his features dark and unreadable, not entirely actually looking at his companion. The light in the room was dulled and it made the glow from the monitor in front of him colour his skin in an eerie green-blue. Kind of just reminding her of their differences, once more.
She tugged her hoodie down because it was riding up her back a little, and then begin to inspect her nails, the need to say something and break this stupid silence between them now greater than ever. It filled her chest to the point of bursting.
“‘Sorta funny how I was right about staying behind last time, isn’t it.” Her tone implied the suggestion was anything but.
She didn't look at him as she said this, still examining her cuticles. It was meant to be mildly teasing, because she didn't exactly want to worsen the situation, but the Doctor was so hot-and-cold on her (especially lately) that she didn't always know how to handle him. Her probe made his brows draw closer together until he was practically scowling behind his shield of the console. His jaw tightened and he jabbed a few buttons with more force than necessary.
“Of course, someone's gotta do the talking-”
“ Rose.” This time they looked at each other, really looked. Every line of the Doctor radiated discomfort and tension as he was practically hunched over behind the monitor, and a muscle pumped in his jaw. She held their gaze for a little longer, seeing vulnerability, but wanting him to react. It seemed cruel, but with how he'd been playing with her emotions lately –courtesans, old-new faces and parallel worlds- Rose felt she was owed pushing him in this way, because he just didn’t say anything - even as his curt address of her name let her know that he was uncomfortable with what she was doing.
Their connection broke as the Doctor looked away, pulling himself away from the warmth and glow of the TARDIS' coral-encased heart. He stood still stormy-faced, hands deep in the pockets of his suit jacket, looking rather like he would prefer the armour that was his long coat.
She sat up in the jump seat, her legs slipping from the console rim and landing on the grating with a metallic clang that resounded for a few seconds, mingling with the softer sounds of the Doctor's feet. Rose didn't look up, but she could sense he was about a couple of feet from her and he was staring, because the hairs on her nape came to life suddenly.
“Well, I'm sorry if I seemed to interfere, but I do recall a talk, oh, sometime last week, you know, about possible impending death and all that?” He crossed his arms and looked at her pointedly.
“Wha’?”
Rose looked at him again, but was staring off at a point just past his shoulder, and her brows were drawn. The Doctor leaned forward, and his voice was soft and imploring this time round.
“You're worried about how we behave.” It was a statement, not a question.
“I can understand that.” He straightened up, not really being truthful, and rubbing his neck in consideration. Of course, he could see the timelines, spindly threads the lot of them – and one particular one started from their encounter in 19th century Scotland. In their giddy earlier days, he just hadn't realised what they'd started. What it would mean for them both, in the end. Oh, there were a few different paths this could go, nothing was certain. But Rose knew, perceptive as she was.
She looked at him, and it was clear she didn't quite believe it.
“I do understand,” the Doctor entreated, stepping closer and putting a hand on the back of the jump-seat. But she made a small noise even his hearing couldn't decipher.
“Sorry?”
“I said…I don't think you do, Doctor.”
'I-'
“I mean, how can you even stand there and say that?” Rose pushed herself forcefully up from the seat with her hands and shifted to its edge, putting distance between them again. How could he? How could he just assume he knew her and what she was trying to do for them both when he could so easily forget what they had and feel for somebody else?
It was quite clear from her clouded expression what her brain was ticking over about, and the Doctor, well, he wasn't gobsmacked as such –that was too strong a term really- but, he, well-
“I thought we discussed this,” he told her, looking confused.
She’d normally care to remark that it was that boyish and frankly adorable mould of confusion he often wore, but she was currently too rankled to notice.
Rose threw up her hands and turned around. “Oh yeah, 'cause all we do is discuss , isn't it?”
The Doctor held back a huff at her sarcasm, and then opened his mouth to speak, but she got there first.
“I mean, when we got back from the bloody pit of the Devil-or-whatever itself, you couldn't wait to talk about it, could you?” Her voice was level but a small waver that clipped the end of her sentence betrayed how close she apparently was to going off on one at him.
“I don't even know what it was,” he stated simply, looking intently at her. Now Rose looked as confused as he felt.
“I told you. Whatever it was, we beat it. Saved the humans,” he quipped, despite feeling a pang of gnawing guilt at the lives he was too late for, “stopped a planetary adventure going horrifically wro- well, it was like that when we got there, but –you're safe.” He tipped his head down to get her to meet his intense, meaningful gaze, and she looked up.
“Am I, though?” She said it in such a small voice that it made his chest tighten painfully. Did she not trust him?
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling thoroughly emotionally exhausted, and when he opened them; his companion was looking at him worriedly. And he was about to answer, as honestly as he could muster right now - but the question penetrated him. His mixed inner feelings must have shown on his face, because her own expression fell.
“You know,” was what came out instead, instead of all the things he wanted to admit, to spill out of him like a dam bursting its banks. At this he moved back to lean on the console rim and pretended to examine a read-out.
“I can't believe this.” At that moment, the ground beneath them shifted as the TARDIS powered up and landed within seconds. She raised an eyebrow at the glass-and-crystal column.
“Well at least someone's talkin’”. As this she shrugged on her parka and swept away from him towards the doors, completely stumbling the Doctor who was still blinking at the monitor.
“I- what- no, wait!” He ran to the doors after her, pausing to automatically don his coat, and then decided against it before starting up again so rapidly he nearly fell up his own Converse-clad feet in his haste to get outside.The Doctor burst out the TARDIS doors after Rose like a force of nature contained too long.
'Rose!' He skidded to a stop a metre from her, before actually taking in the surroundings and recalling not checking where they were. Wherever ‘here’ was, it was deserted. The air seemed thinner than Earth’s typical atmosphere, and the sky was blue and mostly cloudless, save for the ugly-looking boiling stormfront he could pick out in the far distance. Their shoes scuffed on the dusty ground which seemed to be scattered with not only dry thorny bushes but also rubble. The rolling landscape was sandy in places and didn’t look like there was anyone or anything around for miles. There wasn’t even any sign of life.
The planet’s imagery seemed familiar somehow and echoed in the back of mind –and he instinctively knew something was very wrong.
They both froze, and Rose turned around ever so slowly. In the distance they could both hear a faint whistling.
“Doctor, I think we shou-”
She didn't get to finish her sentence because in a matter of seconds their world exploded around them, cloaking them in a cloudy hell of dirt and gritty sand. Just about everywhere reverberated with the sound of the detonation and she couldn't see her hand in front of her face because of all the swirling dust. Rose cried out as she tripped over something and fell awkwardly on her knees, face down in the dirt. There was yet more eerie whistling, growing closer and closer, ever louder. She felt the force of the Doctor's full weight as he fell on her back, clambering to shield her. His body pushed into hers as they toppled forward from the sheer energy of the next blast, and he grunted as he bore the full brunt of it.
Rose felt her vision clouding with black, ears ringing with the booms. Just before she passed out she heard the Doctor's agonised scream. It was something that would stay with her for a long time.