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Vox has always been known to be a charmer. Men and women alike flock around him just to hear his voice as he speaks in well-arranged sentences and beautiful choices of words (although they also know Vox’s diction would soon downgrade once they play games together), and to bask in his overall comforting presence.
With that being said, no one is surprised to hear that Vox has multiple experiences being in a relationship.
Being in a relationship with Shu , though, is a whole other experience.
Unlike his previous lovers, Vox didn’t meet Shu in parties, or clubs, or book discussion meetings; instead, it was the arcade a few meters away from the university. He saw the boy playing some zombie-shooting game alone when there could be two players for that.
So Vox couldn’t help it. He offered to be the second player, but it turned out that Shu didn’t even need a second player for him to wipe out those flat, 2-dimensional zombies. The guy was amazing at games. Vox insisted they exchange numbers so they can play together in the dorms someday.
~*~
Shu is a splash of cold waves on a warm sunny day on a beach; you don't realize the sun is burning you until you feel the sea water evaporate from your skin.
Just like how Vox didn’t realize he needed Shu in his life until he came back to the boy cooking him a bowl of soup after a night of drinking with his friends.
Vox swore he smelled so disgusting; he reeked of sweat, beer, and tobacco. And with his stumbling words and lips too weakened from alcohol, he tried to convince Shu he didn’t smoke as if Shu’s opinion matters to him.
Shu only smiled. “I know.”
He literally didn’t have to look that pretty, but Vox thought it was probably just his blurred sight.
~*~
Needless to say, Vox likes Shu a bit too much for a friend and He doesn’t even know why. Because Shu has never gone partying with him, has never drank a single drop of wine with him, nor has he had any intellectual conversation with him over a classical novel. His interactions with the IT student is confined within stupid internet jokes and banters over rounds of game.
Yet it is those interactions that give him the most comfort. Even if Vox doesn’t feel like himself around Shu, he feels like he is being his best self; only addressing Shu with the prettiest words, doing the mildest jokes that ironically makes Shu laugh the hardest, and treating Shu to a sashimi in his favorite izakaya despite hating seafood himself.
It had taken another few months for Shu to say yes to a date with Vox. Not a friendly date, or ‘bros’ date like Shu used to call it. A date date. A date lovers do.
Vox was elated that he felt like he could hug the entire universe. Now that he is together with Shu, he doesn’t want to take it for granted. A lot of breaking points in his previous relationships had been his fault and he swears not to repeat it.
~*~
On a day after a late outing, Vox decides to stay the night in Shu’s room. Vox thinks he can fall asleep happily with Shu next to him while engulfed with the fresh scent of his bed sheets and the pajamas he borrowed from Shu—God, they smell heavenly. They smell like Shu.
So Vox doesn’t understand why he is having a nightmare instead. In his sleep, he was met with Shu’s disappointed look. Words like “Annoying”, “Loud”, and “ God, can’t you watch your mouth a little bit? ” spewed from the lips of imaginary Shu, hurting Vox’s feelings that are supposed to be imaginary too.
Why is there a droplet of tear coming loose from his lashes?
“Fuck,” Vox whispers to himself, raising an arm to wipe it away. Think of nice things, think of nice things. Shu is right next to him, sleeping soundly. Everything is okay. There’s nothing to be scared about.
But what if Shu actually thinks that way sometimes?
Because Vox is not immune to slip-ups. He sometimes says things that would be considered dubious if it wasn't for Shu’s ungodly tolerance to questionable things. Every time it happens, Shu will simply laugh it off and start another topic like it was nothing, but his nightmare just now opens up the vessel to his fears that he thought he had bottled up so securely.
Now, for every passing seconds, Vox can feel the nauseating feeling crawl from his stomach to his throat. Shu probably feels tired of him, he must’ve hated dealing with him sometimes, and Vox probably disgusts him at some point. He hates his loose mouth, hates the fact that it sometimes destroys relationships, and the fact that it is not a habit that he can change whenever he wants.
The thought claws on Vox’s chest cavity. He can’t stop his tears but he tries his best to be quiet, to not sniffle nor shift too much, lest he accidentally wakes Shu up. He tries like a mad man that he unknowingly holds his breath for a little too long and ends up coughing his lungs out instead.
“Hmm..?” Shu turns his head towards the source of noises. Vox curses himself for whatever dumb shit he just did, and turns to his side in attempt to hide his appearance by having his back against Shu. Dreadfully, his boyfriend is a light sleeper and interrupting his slumber only makes Vox feel even worse.
“You okay?” Shu’s voice is raspy, but Vox can tell there is genuine concern despite drowsiness threatening him to fall back asleep.
Vox clears his throat. “I’m okay. The air’s just a bit.. dry.”
“I can help you get some water.”
“No, Shu, I’m okay. I'm going back to sleep now.”
“If you say so.”
Vox sighs in relief upon sensing that the sleepiness seems to defeat Shu’s worries. Good . After all, his tears have all dried up from the panic, so Vox supposes he can now brush away his stupid overthinking and try to sleep it off. He trusts Shu. If he does ever make him uncomfortable, Vox believes Shu would express it instead of keeping it to himself.
Right? Right?
“Vox, can you turn around?” Shu’s voice echoes through the silence, pulling Vox back to the predicament he thought he had reprieved himself from.
“For what...?”
“I want cuddles.”
Vox can’t say no to that, because he doesn’t have the power to, and also because he thinks he could use some for himself.
“You want to be the small spoon or…?” Vox asks, trying to suppress the tremble in his voice. Internally, Vox is convincing himself that Shu wouldn’t notice his swollen eyes in this dark room. Shu probably won’t have any idea anyway, because it was literally just a single cough.
Fucking turn around and hug him, idiot.
“Anything’s fine,” Shu replies, “as long as you’re comfortable.”
Where has Shu been all his life and why had he only met his dream boy six months ago?
Vox musters up his courage and turns around, but he swiftly wraps his arms around Shu to pull him closer to his chest in an attempt to minimize the chances of his face being seen.
He swears Shu is purring into his chest. What the fuck . Millions of butterflies flutter in his stomach that Vox thinks he’s going to wheeze. He hopes he doesn’t accidentally squeeze the boy too hard—Oh God, can Shu hear his heartbeat?
“People get nightmares often during summer nights,” Shu mumbles. Vox can feel himself turning stiff.
“Were you.. having nightmares?” Vox tries to sound calm as he brushes his fingers through the boy’s locks. Shu shakes his head. The movement only pushes himself even further to Vox’s embrace until they fit snugly against each other, leaving no more spaces between them.
“No,” Shu answers, eyes closed and a smile blooming against Vox’s pajama shirt. Technically it is his own, but he will not complain if Vox never returns it. “I just hope that you won’t have any tonight.”
Vox can feel the sting in his eyes and he is so glad Shu is in no position to look up to his face. “I love you so fucking much, you have no idea.”
Shu agrees with that. He would never have any idea to what extent one is supposed to love to be a sap like Vox. Even now, he can feel himself lulled back to sleep with gentle kisses on the crown of his head, but that’s not what he truly wants. He wants to enter a dreamscape together with Vox.
“I love you.” Shu mumbles, drowsiness thick in his voice, “Now let’s go to sleep, Vox.”
To hear those words from Shu is enough in itself to chase away the clouds above his head. As of his doubts, it’s something they can always talk about together over a cup of coffee in a calm afternoon. Vox doesn’t have to drown in it alone. Shu will be there to catch him.
“Goodnight, my Darling.” Vox whispers, closing his eyes to fall asleep while having Shu in his arms, warming both his body and heart.
Tonight is a good night, after all.