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Ryder grimaced as he called up his door. A major battle, one to turn the tides of a war, was about to take place. It was his role to oversee it, and to reward the valiant with the strength to fight. He always found it somewhat funny, a god of war who hated violence. None of the others could know this about him, he was already seen differently for his meeting with the little warrior.
The door opened and he finally stepped through. He gripped the hilt of the sword that hung at his waist. It was something he had since he woke up, but couldn’t imagine anything to use it against. He looked over the mortal realm with concern. The battleground was going to be close to the village of elves under attack. He hoped no innocents would be caught in the crossfire.
He took a hesitant step closer, he was always nervous despite the safety he knew existed for the mortals. He wondered if the battle would be avoided somehow. The elves could find some common ground with the attackers. He didn’t even know if they were fighting humans or some other grouping. He stared down as the other army began to march on the elves.
Ryder sighed, he wanted to intervene. His intervention wouldn’t protect the mortals for long and he couldn’t watch them forever. The warning from the elven village sounded and he braced himself for the fighting. The army of elves was no match for the ones marching on them. His eyes widened when the elves just formed a shield around their village.
The other army halted across from them. He didn’t need to know the reason behind the war, it made it harder to stay neutral. His role was only to watch and give blessings to warriors. He tensed as a few archers readied their bows. The others weren’t flinching, he didn’t think the elves noticed.
“Fire!” one of what he could now see as humans shouted.
The arrows were nocked and aimed. Ryder hadn’t expected a child to come running out. They were in the center of the field, close to him. One of the archers changed their aim to the moving target. He drew his sword, the most he could do was knock it off course. He slashed the air creating enough wind to send it away from the child. The course hadn’t been adjusted for an adult.
A familiar dark blue came from somewhere nearby. Ryder’s heart froze as the arrow connected in the shoulder of the human. A scream sounded that made his world shatter. She could have blocked it in any other way. She didn’t have to use her body. It doesn’t make sense for this to happen.
“It’s ok, you’ll be ok. Just go home now,” Delphia said. Ryder saw red as more arrows were aimed. He stepped between the armies and stomped down causing the arrows to be fired at him instead. His form was revealed as the faces of fear stared up at him. He stabbed the sword into the ground, glaring over the ones ready for battle.
“Innocents should not be a casualty of battle,” he roared. He glowered as the mortals around him winced. He didn’t care then, his interference only brought about pain. He would stop things for today. “Your battle is over for today. Leave!”
The human army seemed tempted to fight his commands. He would just make them leave if it came to that. They archers nocked arrows and aimed at him. The soldiers drew their blades. He glared down at them and shifted slightly. He knew how that would appear to humans.
“Retreat!” a human cried.
He kept watch until he felt they were far enough away. The humans were moving slowly, he didn’t risk looking back at the elves.Once they were at least two of his steps away he took them and kneeled on the ground facing the elves. The child that had been protected was being restrained by one of their parents. Delphia was left on the ground. Her hood was on, he couldn’t see her face.
“Little warrior,” he whispered. He set his sword on the ground and brought his hands around her. He moved her into one of his hands, the arrow was too small for him to remove. He heard a shout as the child Delphia saved broke free of their parents and came running towards him. The hands smaller than any he’d ever been near landed on the tips of his fingers and tried to see her face.
“A-Are you going to take her, Warlord?” they asked. He tried to offer a reassuring smile.
“I would only take her home, little one.” The child nodded, apparently the fear that froze their parent wore off. In seconds they were pulled from his hands. Ryder wanted the arrow removed at least, he didn’t want to hurt her more by holding her.
“Could one of you remove the arrow? I don’t want to hurt the little warrior more.”
“S-she didn’t tell us she was a warrior, just an apothecary,” the parent said. He chuckled which made the elves near him flinch.
“I just call her one. You can be a warrior for surviving battles of any kind, not just the one that was going to happen today.”
The child seemed stunned by his words. The parent dragged the child away. He didn’t want to let Delphia go, but if his presence kept them from helping her it wouldn’t do any good. Another elf came running up, they looked taller than his little warrior. He almost wanted to curl his fingers around her, but the elf climbed on his hand. He didn’t know how to respond to another mortal in his grip.
“The arrow didn’t hit anything serious, I should be able to remove it, Warlord,” they said. He nodded and watched as the healer slid the cloak off her. The scars he thought showed her strength were visible. He didn’t feel right having someone remove it in his grip.
“Does the cloak need to be removed?” he asked. The healer tensed, but didn’t stop working.
“Yes, I need to make sure the area is clear.” He nodded and stayed silent as he watched helplessly.
Ryder had to focus to keep his hands still as the healer gripped the arrow. It was hard to hear Delphia groan like that. The healer ripped the arrow from her chest and he flinched. The healer fell forward. He hadn’t meant to do that, but seeing the things he couldn’t do to help her made him feel worse. He knew how much her leaving was his own fault.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that,” he murmured. The healer stared up with shock on their face.
“I-it is fine, Warlord. Y-your mercy is more than enough,” they said. They started to inspect the arrow. Ryder sighed, he wasn’t the Warlord. That was the one before him.
“You don’t have to call me Warlord. I don’t need a title, I’m just Ryder.”
“Ryder, why did you stop the war?” the child from earlier asked. He looked around and found them hiding nearby. He smiled at them and they came out running up to him.
“I said why, innocents should not be casualties of war.” He used his free hand to ruffle the child’s hair. The healer made a terrified noise that had him pull back quickly and focus on them. “Is something wrong?”
“I-I… There was poison in the arrow. W-we don’t have any kind of antidote that would save her.” The healer scrambled off his hand. They even left behind the arrow and their tools. Ryder stared at the body that would fade from his grip soon enough. He pinched the tools and placed them near the healer. They were shaking.
“I will be leaving with her then. I may have a solution. Stay safe little ones.”
Ryder wasn’t going to risk their nerves getting worse. At least the arrow was removed. He reached for the weapon he discarded and left the area. He knew the clash of swords that followed his disappearance would be a relief. He didn’t know many places mortals would be safe, but taking her to the realm of the gods seemed wrong. He wound up in an open field, one of the few that hadn’t had a history of war.
He sat down laying his sword on the ground again. He cupped his hands together and just watched Delphia breathing. She knew there would be nothing he or the others could do. All of them had seen her die at some point by now, except him. When she came back he admittedly avoided her. He had never considered grabbing her to be bad, but she did. He wouldn’t hurt her with ignorance again.
“I hope I haven’t gone too far, little warrior,” he whispered. He used a finger to brush her hood from her head. She looked in pain, he shouldn’t be surprised. He wondered what the pain of war would feel like to him. He should know, it was his domain. He realized her breathing had stopped. “I hadn’t followed you. A battle was supposed to take place, I was supposed to witness it.”
He curled his fingers, rolling her further into his palm. The arrow was still there. He used a finger to slide it off and hold it up to study. She’d disappear from his hold soon, she always had to be safe when she woke up. He knew he wasn’t safe. He pulled the hand holding her body closer. She shouldn’t have died, maybe she wouldn’t have if he hadn’t intervened in the first place.
He destroyed the arrow. One of his perks, destroying weapons or making them as he pleased. He didn’t think destroying it while in her would be smart. He went back to focusing on the small weight in his hands. He braced the one holding her on his empty hand and slowly revealed her again. He couldn’t believe he’d let her be hurt. He hated war, hated violence and what he stood for. He didn’t even know how to tell anyone that he was like this.
“I must be the worst god of war to exist, perhaps I should find a way to be replaced,” he murmured.
“I think that would be awful,” the voice he hadn’t heard in a long time spoke. Delphia was breathing again, her eyes open. Green was staring up at him and it felt like a sick joke. He didn’t go after her, she shouldn’t still be in his hand. “I didn’t even know I was walking into a war today. I just saw a child with an arrow coming towards them.”
“Little warrior… I apologize, I'll set you down.” He started to move forward, he didn’t even realize he was following his hands.
“It’s fine Ryder, you don’t have to if you’re alright holding me.”
He stayed hunched over just staring at the small woman in his hand. He couldn’t ever understand where her capacity for kindness came from. He wouldn’t risk driving her away again, he was the one who had intruded in their lives. He may be a god, but he didn’t have to be a part of the lives of the others.
“I was wondering where you were, I was looking for you the other day. Everyone said they’d barely seen you,” she sighed. He curled his fingers, she shouldn’t search for him. “Rhys said every time he found you that you disappeared again. It’s like you’re avoiding everyone.”
Ryder looked away. She knew he'd seen enough before she left to know her tone of voice. He sighed, but didn’t have anything to say. She already heard him say he didn’t think he should be the god of war. He jumped as her hands touched his fingers, he’d almost completely hidden her from sight.
“Ryder, you’ve been avoiding everyone since I left haven’t you?” Her voice was quiet. He just nodded, he couldn’t speak. “...I didn’t leave because of you.”
“You don’t have to lie, little warrior. I realize my presence wasn’t easy to adjust to in the realm. I had made it hard from the moment we met,” he said. He looked away, the anxiety of the words he kept hidden wasn’t fading. He existed and therefore war existed. War was what made her leave, even if it wasn’t how he treated her.
“Every single god made it hard from when I met them. You had no idea what I was or how it might feel. You were trying to help even if it was a terrible way.” He watched as she climbed to her feet. She pulled on a finger and he complied where she had it resting in front of her. She set her hands down and glared up at him. “Felix grabbed me all the time, so did Sola and Luna. I’m not… I knew it wasn’t because you were playing with me.”
“I should have been better, little warrior. I am unfit to be one of the gods regardless. I shall just care for my domain and avoid interfering with any of you.” She slammed her hands down on his finger. He flinched, her anger was far from what he expected.
“No you aren’t! If you weren’t fit to be the god of war you wouldn’t be. I asked the others, they all said you seem to avoid getting closer to them. Sola and Luna have even dragged Vitus and Dabria to watch the clouds or go stargazing. Fate is even around more. You’re the one who refuses to let us get close to you.”
“I… little warrior, can I tell you why I know I am unfit? While the guilt of making you leave has been a part of it, that’s not all it is.”
“Of course you can tell me.” Her eyes were wide and seemed to shine at the idea. He hadn’t mentioned it to any of them. He’d overheard Rhys and Felix discuss that time he met Delphia, that Rhys was lucky he didn’t get hurt. He wouldn’t have thought to do anything to hurt him. He brought his head closer, feeling better when he couldn’t actually see her. He pressed his own forehead against her.
“I don’t like violence or war. From what I’ve learned I believe I’d be called a pacifist. I… I know how to wield any weapon, but I detest using them.”
The silence felt deafening. It was like the day she left. The way his own heart constricted at the way Lady Death wailed. Lord Life had seemed like someone else entirely. He’d waited for their anger to direct at him, he’d been the problem. He had intruded, but it never did. They tried to reassure him, but it didn't add up in his mind. The logical process was that he’d been the thing that sent her away.
Soon a bit of laughter filled the air. He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to face her. She’d see that he didn’t belong, she could even help him be removed. Small hands touched his skin and he pulled back quickly. She fell forward onto the finger he still held where she’d directed it.
“I think being a pacifist and the god of war makes more sense than you think,” she finally said. He gave her a look of disbelief. “If you loved war then you’d want it to happen. You might even cause it, like this you’ll look for ways for it to end right?”
“I guess that’s true, but I don’t interfere. I shouldn’t have stepped in today, but with you and the child I couldn’t…” he sighed. She sat and rested against his finger. She rested her head on her arms on top of the finger. She just looked up at him as if expecting more. He didn’t have anything else to say about it though.
“I mean, helping us doesn’t seem bad. If it had continued what would you have done? I noticed the gust of wind that came from nowhere. That was you right?”
“I didn’t want to let the child be injured… I likely would have continued to intervene where I shouldn’t. That should prove I’m unfit.”
“It proves you have a heart Ryder. Why don’t you ask anyone else? You aren’t the only one who feels like they don’t match their domain.”
His eyes went wide and he brought her close. He had never considered anyone else doubting their position. The idea that they were unfit seemed impossible. He couldn’t begin to guess who could possibly consider themselves like that, concern replacing his shock.
“How could they think that?” he whispered. They all seemed to fit their domains perfectly.
“Because you aren’t just your domains embodied Ryder, you actually feel things and think things. If all you cared about was war then you’d be just like the old gods wouldn’t you?”
“I…”
“Besides, it can’t hurt to have a bad god of war. Pacifism might lead to fewer wars eventually.” She pushed herself off his finger and laid against his palm.
“Little warrior… I would like to start playing chess again.” She laughed and it made it easy to forget his concerns. He smiled at her.
“That’s why I was looking for you. I need to see if I can still beat the god of war with my strategies.”
“Maybe we should have one of the others there to see where I’m failing.”
She sat up with a wide smile. He slowly rose to his feet and reached for the sword he’d left behind. He never considered it before, but this time he forced it away. The blade shattered differently than any other weapon, leaving him feeling lighter. He heard a gasp and looked down at Delphia with a calm smile. She looked up with a matching one.
“That feels better doesn’t it?” she asked. He nodded and laughed as she did before. “No wonder I feel safe in your hands.”
Ryder had almost forgotten she had revived in his hands, she did feel safe with him. Holding the little warrior in his palm felt somehow relieving. It was like she was a missing piece of their lives. He would try to run less and find out just how alike they all were. When they learned what she had thought she still considered them family, that could be what they were.