Archive of Our Own ^beta

He looked out the window. The curtains swaying in the April breeze. He should feel grateful, but lately he couldn't bring himself to feel anything. Just a void. Just the time passing around him, the movement of others. Life, very foreign to him.

He blinked slowly. At least from that hospital he had a view of the mountains beyond and not necessarily of the city and its tall, modern buildings. He was not a fan of that architecture, no matter how much Mingyu tried to convince him, with arguments of ergonomics, minimalist aesthetics, spatial situation or anything else that were only areas of expertise of his best friend.

But Wonwoo wasn't interested in that. He could notice small things, just not those. He couldn't appreciate the art that his friends could. He preferred the classic. Something that would condemn him in a different way than he had already condemned himself.

On the small table beside his bed was a bouquet of white lilies. He appreciated that Minghao had gone to the trouble to make this stark, white place a little easier to cope with when he woke up.

There was even a book. Not new, as he would have expected, but one of his own. Of his favourites.

'The Cat's Pajamas' by Ray Bradbury.

He blinked again, taking that detail into account.

Anyway all he could see was a blurry frame, he wasn't wearing his glasses and they weren't within his reach.

He didn't remember much. Traces of memories came and went. He looked at his forearms, both bandaged from wrists to elbows. There was another bandage around his neck. He winced, because it felt uncomfortable in his sensible skin. He felt crushed physically, because he was still lethargic mentally. Numb.

So, sitting on the bed, with the white sheet on his lap, just looking out the window, Wonwoo understood that he hadn't managed to kill his body to be in the same state as the one inside him.

“No, Minghao, I don't think it's the right thing to do.”

“But Joshua says that most procedures are like that and I think he should take that into account.”

He listened to the voices of his friends and wondered if changing his position was ideal, but he decided not to move a muscle until the men entered the room.

“I still believe there are other options…”

“Gyu, this is- Ah, Wonwoo!” Minghao, with slightly long dark hair, adorned by a red beret, entered with another bouquet in his arms, followed by Mingyu from behind, with chocolate hair and a black collared shirt. Indeed, that spring was cold.

Wonwoo smiled faintly as the couple entered the room.

“Hello,” he greeted weakly, with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

“I'm glad you woke up.” That was Mingyu, who looked at him with a relieved expression. Minghao then handed him the bouquet of orchids and began looking for something in the bag he was carrying. He took out a black case with a cat sticker on it and Wonwoo recognized it right away.

He held out his arm to accept it and sighed. He opened it and took out his glasses to put them on.

“Thank you.”

He was able to observe them better. They had worried faces and he couldn't blame them. What would he do without the two of them? Mingyu, his best friend since childhood, a younger brother to him, and Minghao, his best friend's fiancé who had taken a liking to him almost immediately and always took care of him, because despite being younger, he acted very mature.

Although the person who had brought him there had been a neighbor. At least that was what he vaguely remembered. He guessed that he called the other two men, after all Wonwoo didn't have a family as such. His situation was complicated in that regard.

“Woo... I don't know how proper it is to ask, but I'd like to know how you feel right now.” The brunet asked almost fearfully. The older man smiled softly.

“I don't know.” He looked directly at him, being honest. “I just don't know, sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize for anything. Everything will be fine... Or at least, we're going to try to make it all work out.”

Wonwoo nodded. He knew his friends were afraid. He could imagine what it would be like for him when news reached him that a close friend had tried to take his own life.

It was not easy news to digest. And he had no doubt that they felt that Wonwoo was made of porcelain right now. So fragile, that at any moment he could fall and break. They just wanted to hold him.

He was very appreciative of it. He didn't understand his head, his bad thoughts. He felt in a cave under the sea, sitting on an uncomfortable rock, everything around him cold, without any sound or light reaching him. Darkness around him, suddenly floating, knowing nothing. Without anyone being able to enter or reach his body, delirious in the caverns of mental depression.

There was a knock at the door.

“Go ahead,” Minghao said. Joshua walked in and seeing Wonwoo awake, he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Wonwoo... Hi, I'm so glad you woke up.”

Another of his dear friends, Joshua, a doctor at that hospital. He quickly walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey Josh, did you attend me?”

The American denied. “A doctor is not allowed to treat his relatives or friends inside the hospital, but Dr. Seokjin treated you and brought me up to date. Are you hungry?”

The man with short black hair shook his head. Joshua smiled softly, but then made a serious face.

“I'll update you on the situation. They did a gastric lavage and treated your wounds, especially the one on your neck. You'll have to wear the bandage so the stitches don't open up as easily, but it will be uncomfortable for you to move your head. You'll get used to it anyway. You also have to take care of the wounds on your forearms, they are extensive and will take time to heal.”

Joshua spared the comment of mentioning the other wounds that were on the man's body, hidden from view by the baggy winter clothes he always wore, as well as those old scars that would stain his body forever.

Wonwoo just blinked and stared at him so he would know that he was paying attention to his words.

“You see, Wonwoo, they can't discharge you without someone specialized in mental health checking your state, since we already stabilized you.”

“A psychiatrist?” he blurted out suddenly. All of his friends made alarmed gestures, but Wonwoo was too insensitive at the moment to express anything with his voice. He was aware that he sounded like a robot.

Joshua watched him warily, his lips set in a straight line, but his eyes soft and empathetic.

“It's just a routine procedure in these situations.”

“I understand” Wonwoo directed his gaze out the window, again everything there seemed so artificial, so foreign to him. The city and all the noise of it, the people that made him feel smaller. He felt like a flower in the middle of the pavement. No water, with the sun burning down on him. “Regardless of what I've done, I don't want to be kept in a psychiatric hospital.”

Of that he was sure.

Minghao lowered his eyebrows and looked at Mingyu, who shrugged. He knew that Joshua and Minghao believed it was the best option, but it was something he had avoided to the maximum. He wasn't stupid, Wonwoo knew that his mind wasn't reasonable at the moment, but he didn't think his only option was in a psychiatric hospital.

Mingyu would always be on his side, he was counting on him to watch his back. So he looked at him to affirm that and his friend smiled to reassure him.

“Wonwoo, I understand that it is not something pleasant, but I consider it to be ideal and–

Wonwoo raised a hand and smiled softly for the first time in a long time, however not genuinely.

“I'm aware that I am not in the best situation and that you are worried about me. Even so, I am sure that I am not going to get myself to a psychiatric hospital for my own autonomy and I hope you don't do it against my will.”

There was a small silence. Mingyu put an arm around Minghao's shoulders and Joshua gave him a long look, until he sighed and nodded.

“Okay, there must be other options. In the meantime, we need you to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Dr. Miyeon will be here in a few moments. She will help you, Wonwoo, it's for your own good. We are here for anything.”

Joshua put his hand on top of Wonwoo's and he accepted it, feeling the comforting squeeze. The doctor then stood up and said goodbye to the couple, before leaving the hospital room.

Mingyu walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed, Minghao remained standing with a worried expression.

“Thank you both and sorry for this…” he said with his head down, feeling the weight of his actions. Of having survived and having to pick up the pieces that his friends had no responsibility to put together, but there they were anyway.

He didn't know how he did it.

He felt his best friend's warm hand on his shoulder and when he looked up, bright puppy dog eyes were looking right at him. Mingyu didn't trust his voice, so he shook his head with a sad smile, as if telling him not to worry.

Wonwoo returned the tired smile and then looked at Minghao.

“Thanks for the book, Hao, it always cheers me up.”

The younger man approached him and extended his arms to give him a hug that he could not deny. Mingyu joined them.

Wonwoo felt guilty for putting them through that, they were good people. The only ones he had in the world.

That world he failed to say goodbye to.

[ ɭเɭเє ]

They reached an agreement.

Wonwoo was not surprised to hear the diagnosis of "major depressive disorder" and that his treatment would be therapy and a bunch of antidepressants and medications that he barely remembered the name of. Apart from some benzodiazepines for his insomnia and anxiety.

A cocktail which should be taken at certain times of the day for a few months as a treatment.

All that had to be fulfilled, apart from the therapy sessions. To avoid having to be committed to a mental hospital, although that was too drastic. But he was still vulnerable. Or at least, it was still dangerous to leave him alone. He was dangerous to himself. He had made a nearly successful suicide attempt.

His friends looked at him with an anguished expression. Wonwoo looked bad, he knew it. But still he was surprised to see himself in the mirror.

The bandage around his neck and his forearms. The weight he had lost, and he was already skinny. Short dark hair, tired black eyes behind the glasses, adorned with dark circles. His whole demeanor betrayed weariness.

Their agreement was another one too.

Move. To an apartment further from the city center. Wonwoo was an editor, so he worked from home most of the time and only went out once in a while. Moving away from the hustle and bustle of the noisy city to a place near the mountains was the best option.

Mingyu and Minghao had helped him with that. Find an apartment complex with quiet neighbors, new faces.

Still, he couldn't stand the looks from his neighbors who knew about his failed suicide attempt. He couldn't stay there, for there were bad memories in every corner. If he wanted to improve, he had to find a place of change.

And company, but in this case, Minghao suggested a pet. In his old apartment they didn't allow animals, but in the new one he was moving to, they did. Together with Mingyu and Minghao they went to the animal shelter and Wonwoo soon fell in love with a white kitten with light brown spots on her face and very large amber eyes.

He called her Juniper.

«Elijah under the shadow of the juniper tree»

So he was in his new apartment. It was spacious and brighter than the previous one, with a beautiful view of the hills through the window.

Minghao gave him a painting that he painted especially for him. Of nice blue colour, his favorite. It brought him serenity and he thought that was the point of the colour blue in general.

Erudition. Peace. Tranquility.

He hung it on the wall and cherished it for a few moments. It had two spheres that in his opinion simulated the moon reflected in the sea.

He smiled softly appreciating the decoration. But he still had a lot to do. He was surrounded by boxes. His friends offered to help him, but he said it was good to keep himself busy and distracted, so they agreed to let him do it on his own.

Joshua would visit him from time to time, to see how the wounds were progressing and help him with them, but he also had explained to Wonwoo how to take care of them himself.

Besides, he was aware that his friends were afraid to leave him alone. Mingyu kept sending him messages and he tried not to take long to reply. He didn't want to worry him further.

But he couldn't deny that he was afraid of himself. To fall back into the abyss. That his thinking was completely clouded and that his only option was to resort to death.

He had already done it once. A second seemed like a walk in the park if the barrier between the fear of death or continuing to live life was broken.

He heard his kitten playing with an already empty box, the one he had emptied by arranging the books on the shelf. He had many similar boxes, full of books that he had to order.

“Hey Juni, you sure are hyperactive.”

He approached her and played moving his fingers, while the kitten chased after them. She had a bell on her lilac necklace that rang every so often. A cat was the best option, not only because he had always liked them, but because he  read that they helped people like him.

“They reduce stress, they are spiritual beings... Spiritual? Since when do I care about that?”

Wonwoo never believed in such things, but believing in whatever at the time couldn't be bad. He needed all the help in the world to move on.

Well, he only had that: keep going.

He left his pet playing alone and proceeded to unpack a very large suitcase (Minghao joked that a corpse could fit in there and Mingyu said that his macabre humor still gave him the creeps, Wonwoo just laughed) where he had most of his clothes and dragged them towards what would be his bedroom, to go accommodating his clothes in the closet.

He didn't know how long he was immersed in unpacking the boxes and arranging his things, but the light in the room turned purple, from the sun falling on the hill, due to a cloudy day. He could no longer see well in the dim natural lighting and he looked out the window at the scenery.

The sight calmed the stormy inside of him a little.

He turned on the warm spotlight because everything was darker and he went into the kitchen to make dinner and serve Juniper her food.

He called her name with a click of his tongue and shook the plate with her croquettes several times. But the kitten did not appear.

“Juniper? My girl? Where are you?”

He looked for her shaking the plate, through the living room, through the bathroom, in his room. But he didn't see the white furball anywhere.

Until he noticed that the front door was slightly ajar. He panicked and ran into the hall right away.

“Juni!” he called, alarmed, glancing up and down the hall.

To the right he saw a crouching figure a few meters from him, which turned his head in his direction, with a curious gesture.

“Juni?” He lowered his voice as he realized that yelling like a mad man wasn't the best with someone else there.

The man stood up and Wonwoo paid attention to him because he had his kitten that seemed very happy in his arms.

“Juni!” he exclaimed, recognizing her. He approached that man who had his head to the floor and dark glasses on. When he was close to him he could see his features better and Wonwoo paused for a few moments.

He hadn't seen anyone like that. Of course he knew attractive people. He had seen many.

But not like that.

Not with that beauty.

He had to blink several times, processing the man in front of him. Despite not being able to see his eyes because of the glasses, he had enough with his nose, his lips, his cheekbones, even his forehead...

“Juni?” he said again, and his kitten looked up at him with her big amber eyes. The brown-haired man raised his head at the same time as the cat.

“Excuse me?” He finally spoke and it seemed to Wonwoo that his voice was like the slip of silk.

“My kitten, her name is Juniper,” he explained, trying not to look too much at the visible features of that man, who smiled embarrassed and then chuckled softly, stroking the kitten, which Wonwoo could hear purring up to where he was.

“I see, for a moment I thought…” He shook his head. “It's nothing, here you have.”

He stretched out his arms very slightly and Wonwoo took his kitten back.

“Thank you.” He smiled and the man nodded.

“I was really surprised to feel her rubbing against my leg, but the bell helps. Hopefully I didn't have my dog with me, although he is very good and has never attacked any other animal or person. Juniper is her name, right?”

The jet-haired agreed. The man with dark glasses looked like he was still staring at a fixed point, slightly downcast, just smiling softly.

“Is he someone very shy...?”

There was a silence, but the brown-haired man chuckled again.

“You are a new voice, I had not heard you around here.”

Wonwoo settled Juniper against his chest, which she let herself carry like a baby.

“I just moved into apartment 17.”

“You're my neighbor then.” He smiled wider and Wonwoo couldn't help but feel something warm inside him. “I am from department 16. My name is Moon Junhui.”

Now he stretched out his hand, also very slightly. And something caught the jet-haired's attention.

“Junhui... Jun... Juni... Junnie?”

Wonwoo understood the man's initial confusion and was suddenly embarrassed. He accepted his neighbor's hand.

“Jeon Wonwoo, nice to meet you.”

Junhui tilted his head to the side, with curiosity and a small smile.

“Nice to meet you, you have a firm grip. You must be a determined person.”

The jet-haired was surprised. Their hands remained joined for a moment longer. It seemed to him as if the other man was reading him through the contact. As if he was aware of very intimate details of his person with just that touch.

Until they parted ways.

“If you need help, don't hesitate to ask me. I'm a door away.”

Wonwoo smiled, showing his teeth.

“Thanks again for finding my kitty.”

Junhui waved his hand for him not to worry. “More like she found me. Well, I'm going, with your permission, Jeon Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo nodded again and watched as the man reached down and groped for some grocery bags and a folding cane, as well as carefully approached his door, tapping on the surface before proceeding to find his keys and taking two tries to insert it.

And Wonwoo immediately understood the supposed "shyness" that he attributed to his neighbor. The reason those eyes stayed behind the dark glasses.

Because he just couldn't see.

[ ɭเɭเє ]

He couldn't get him out of his head. Not while he was ordering dinner, not while he was eating. Not while Juniper was playing with another box and her bell was heard throughout the apartment from here to there.

Was it his exceptional beauty?

Maybe it was an attraction at first sight.

“He... He didn't see me. Or was I wrong and he's just someone shy?”

He thought to himself, as he waited for sleep to come with the help of the medications that combated his stubborn insomnia. With the voice of his new neighbor, that strangely chased him into his dreams.

[ кץгเє ]

He wasn't good at cooking and the only thing he could eat for breakfast was coffee. Combined with his medication, he should maybe tone down his addiction for caffeine, but it was still the only thing he could handle in the morning.

He worked from home, rarely had to go to the publisher, and the times he did go out were to meet with the writers or to do the groceries.

Wonwoo was a man who preferred to stay home as long as he had the chance.

He served Juniper her croquettes and turned on the television just to get some background noise. He flopped down on the couch with the computer on his lap and checked his emails while he drank his coffee.

According to his wristwatch it was 10:02 in the morning. He had to take his medicine at 11:00 A.M.

The minutes passed between him continuing to read his pending emails and finishing his coffee, when he heard a knock on his door.

He looked back curiously. He wasn't expecting anyone, since it was barely Monday and the visits from his friends had agreed that they would be on Tuesdays and Fridays. He placed the laptop on the coffee table and got up from the couch, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes and went to the door.

“I'm going!”

He opened the door and put on his glasses, blinking several times as he saw that person again.

His neighbor. Moon Junhui.

Wonwoo stared at him and the brown-haired man smiled. He was too surprised, because his neighbor wasn't wearing dark glasses this time.

“Hello?” he said, tilting his head to the side. “Jeon Wonwoo?”

Hearing his name, the editor snapped out of his stupor and smiled awkwardly.

“Hello Moon, right?” Of course he remembered his name, there was no need to confirm it.

“Jun is fine, I hope I don't interrupt and take too much of your time,” he said in his gentle voice.

Until Wonwoo noticed that his eyes were lost in a point where there was nothing to see, like the shoulder of the jet-haired. He couldn't ignore that fact. And at last he could see his eyes.

Those wonderful orbs looked like a cloudy sky. They were white in the iris and pupil, blurred, as if fogged over by a mist.

It was not something he had seen before, clouds in two eyes like pearls. Like two full moons, a Mare Nubium in that man's gaze.

“Not at all, I work from home so I have a fairly long and free schedule,” he explained, noticing that Junhui was holding something in his hands. He was also wearing an elegant suit.

“That must be very comfortable, I don't have that advantage” Junhui stretched his arms (again, he did it with a short distance, just barely separating them from his body). “As is the unspoken custom, I wanted to bring you something as my new neighbor, to welcome you because you moved into the apartment. They are donuts from the Boo&Chan bakery, I don't know if you've tasted them but I can assure you that they have the best donuts in all of Yabbay.”

Wonwoo accepted the box and opened the lid to see about twenty glazed donuts that whetted his appetite immediately.

“Thank you very much, it wasn't necessary.”

Junhui smiled and gently shook his head.

“My recommendation is that with a cappuccino they taste better.”

Wonwoo, who drank only black coffee, was delighted at the idea.

“Well, I hope you enjoy it-

“Wouldn't you like to come have a cup of coffee with me?”

The words were out before he could stop himself. Wonwoo resisted the urge to smack himself on the forehead. What was he saying? He wasn't ready for social relationships just yet. He very barely could deal with himself and the few friends he already had.

“Is that okay?” Jun asked, eyebrows lowered. Wonwoo still found those cloudy eyes surprising. They had a unique, different beauty.

“Of course, my pleasure.” And he spoke automatically again.

Junhui smiled again and nodded. “Well, in that case, I'm not going to refuse.”

Wonwoo smiled too and stepped aside. Junhui hesitated a bit, putting his hand on the door frame and taking two small steps forward.

The jet-haired didn't know if the most appropriate thing was to offer him his help or if he would sound very rude and offend Jun by doing so. Until now he hadn't said it explicitly, but there were many signs to believe that the man in front of him, with those unusual eyes, couldn't see.

Although his doubt was immediately resolved.

“Excuse me, Wonwoo. I usually manage pretty well on my own, especially if I have my cane, which I don't have with me at the moment... But I don't want to carelessly knock something over. Could you help me guide me in your apartment?” He said and the editor's suspicions were cleared up.

“Huh, sure, no problem.”

He extended his arm and Junhui, still groping, felt him and took his forearm gently.

“Thank you.”

“It's nothing.”

He was grateful to have a sweater on, because that way Junhui wouldn't be able to feel the bandages on him.

He closed the door behind and began to walk slowly, without taking his eyes off the other man's side profile. He had never seen him from that angle and he was sure that he had seldom appreciated nature's talent in making a simple man out of the imagination of an artist who can only create beautiful things.

Or no, not even a human had that almost divine ability. That was the work of God and no one else.

He walked through his living room, making sure there were no objects or boxes on the floor as an obstacle, or Juniper jumping out of nowhere, startling Jun.

Another thing Wonwoo noticed about him, apart from the coconut scent (perhaps it was his shampoo) was that Jun's usual gesture was a soft smile and his lost eyes looking down, the lashes like curtains over them.

Without being able to avoid admiring him on that short tour, he arrived at his dining room, which was a small table (because he lived alone) with two chairs. He stopped in front of one, which he arranged for Jun to sit on.

“Here's the chair.”

Junhui felt with his hand and found the back of the chair.

“Thanks for the tour, although it was very quiet. You wouldn't be a good museum guide” he joked, being careful to sit down, letting go of Wonwoo who found himself laughing at that comment.

“You're right, I would starve. But, hey, as a barista I wouldn't be so bad. How do you like your coffee?”

He walked around the kitchen counter to turn on the coffee pot and search through all the jars and ingredients he had to make coffee, which was a lot in a single cupboard.

Mingyu knew that one of the few things that could cheer Wonwoo up a bit was drinking coffee. So he lost control and bought him everything he could about it as if he needed more than five types of coffee, as if he used coffee creamer (and different flavors that Wonwoo didn't know existed or could be combined with caffeine), and he even bought him two new kitten cups.

“Very sweet, don't judge me,” Jun replied. “I really don't tolerate bitter coffee.”

Wonwoo smirked, reaching for his cappuccino-type coffee.

“It makes sense” he thought, “that he likes such a sweet coffee”

And he was surprised again at his thoughts, so unusual for him.

“Don't worry, every taste for coffee is valid,” he replied, placing the different jars on the counter. He already had coffee, but another cup wouldn't hurt.

“How understanding, thank you. There are elitists with coffee and the truth is that I don't understand why we should take it in a certain specific way if there are so many ways to do it. In matters of taste…”

Wonwoo heard Jun's voice behind him. Soft, very thoughtful. As if he was aware of the pitch and volume of every word.

“You are absolutely right.”

He told himself that he wouldn't have imagined that he would be having a conversation over coffee with his neighbor after moving there... After being in the hospital... After trying to-

“Oh! I think Juni's back,” the other man exclaimed animatedly, followed by soft chuckles. “Hey, where are you, sweetheart?”

Wonwoo turned around and saw how his white kitten rubbed on Junhui's leg, who was careful to search for her with his hands.

When he found her, he picked her up gingerly and placed her on his lap, stroking her with a smile.

Wonwoo stared at the scene. It was like seeing two very pure beings, and he didn't know why he believed that a man his own age could look so innocent. Maybe it was the aura he gave off or his candid beauty.

“She's very small, how old is she?”

The editor took two cups of kittens and placed them on the counter.

“Three months. I recently adopted her.”

“Oh, she's a baby.” Junhui caressed her, still staring blankly at somewhere on the table. “And what colour is she?”

Wonwoo was surprised, as he didn't expect that question. He really didn't know Junhui's condition, he only knew his name, that he liked cappuccino, that he was kind to animals and people and that he was like an Immaculate Venus.

He was slow to respond and Junhui understood his doubt and hesitation.

“A friend of mine explained colours to me in very subjective terms. With shapes, sensations, smells, sounds and tastes. So I can get an idea, despite not knowing them.”

For Wonwoo, who despite having poor eyesight, could see colors and their spectrum, he never imagined that there was another way to recognize them.

“She is white,” he answered.

Junhui nodded. But Wonwoo did not limit himself to that.

“It's a very clean color, but ironically it's easy to stain. White is like…”

“The snow? I was once told that snow is very white,” Junhui said, smiling almost like a child.

“It's a cold colour, yes, but very pure and open. It is a color that hides nothing.”

Junhui continued to nod. “Then Juniper must be beautiful.”

The jet-black editor smiled and nodded. Then he remembered that those actions were of little use if the other man couldn't see them.

“Yes she is. Although she is very naughty.”

“I imagine so,” Jun said with a soft chuckle, remembering the day before when he met the kitten for the first time.

The white kitty snuggled nicely on Junhui's lap and fell asleep. Wonwoo looked at her with raised eyebrows, since her pet was too hyperactive and she rarely calmed down like that.

When he filled the glass from the coffee pot, he poured both cups and left his coffee bitter while Jun's made it very sweet. He carefully rolled up his sweater sleeves and picked up both mugs, carrying them to the nightstand, as well as the donuts he placed on smaller plates.

“Ready, I already served your coffee.”

The brown-haired man nodded and Wonwoo watched as his hand on the table began to crawl around to find the cup.

So Wonwoo took it and pulled it even closer to Jun, causing the other man's hand to touch his momentarily. His fingers rested on Wonwoo's, which made him embarrassed, but he didn't withdraw them. Instead Junhui did, visibly sheepish.

“Sorry, I was just trying to…”

“Here it is.” Wonwoo gently took Jun's hand by the wrist, moving it towards the ear of the cup so that the man was able to take it. Junhui smiled gratefully at him.

“Sorry, sometimes I get a little lost,” he said, taking the cup firmly and bringing it gingerly to his lips, holding it from below with his other hand.

And Wonwoo wanted to know more about him, although those wonderful eyes never saw him directly, there was something about Junhui that intrigued him.

They drank the coffee and ate the donuts, which Wonwoo really enjoyed since Jun was right that they were the best he ever tasted.

In those moments, Wonwoo was able to clear his mind, to remove the gray veil from his thoughts and look at the world with clear eyes. They chatted a bit, about everyday life, about their mutual love for cats, even though Junhui had only had one as a child, who always took naps with him.

“I feel like I've already taken up too much of your time, and my own adult duties and responsibilities call out to me anyway.” Junhui stood up and took the cup. “I would like to wash it…”

But Wonwoo gently withdrew it. “No, no, that's not necessary, thank you.”

Junhui pouted, but he nodded. Wonwoo collected all the things and looked at the other man standing there, as if he was waiting for something.

The jet-haired resisted the impulse to hit himself on the forehead. He walked over to Junhui's side and gently touched his shoulder.

“Come on, I'll walk you to the door. I know I'm a terrible guide, but I promise not to let you run into Juniper.”

Junhui chuckled softly, covering his mouth.

“But I already confirmed that you're a very good barista, so I'll omit that detail.”

And before Wonwoo could realize his mistake, Junhui groped for his arm to take it. He circled his forearm and his hand closed gently on it. On top of his bandages.

The raven watched in horror as Junhui's gesture faltered, without his smile, but still with a soft and gentle gesture, his brow furrowed just a little, as if he noticed the difference in the fabric of the sweater that he previously touched.

Wonwoo didn't know if Jun could get an idea of what he was touching. If he could tell the difference between the fabric of the sweater and the rough fabric of the bandages.

His wounds still hurt, because being many, they would take time to heal, but to his surprise, Junhui had a touch as gentle as everything in him, so that pressure didn't hurt him.

“You would definitely be a bad guide,” Junhui said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Wonwoo chuckled nervously. “I'm hopeless.”

He started walking, again being careful Jun didn't trip over anything, until he reached the door and walked out of it, going to stand in front of his neighbor's apartment door.

“I'm a bad guide, but I'd like to believe that I'm a gentleman. We are in front of the door of your apartment.”

Junhui turned his face towards him and for a few moments Wonwoo believed that those blurry eyes could see him. But then again, the lowered pupils and curtain-like eyelashes swaying at every blink of his showed that it wasn't like that.

“Really? It wasn't necessary, but thank you, that's very kind of you.”

Then Junhui slipped his hand off Wonwoo's forearm, carefully. “Wonwoo?” he said, fumbling for his doorknob.

“Yes?” he asked with sudden nervousness.

But Junhui smiled softly, calming his inside trouble a bit.

“You know? There are many types of blindness in the world, and I'm telling you, I know about it.” He chuckled softly and Wonwoo smiled with lowered eyebrows. “But there are blind people who, despite seeing, do not, because the clouds can accumulate viciously in the sky and hide the sun, the stars and, above all, the full moon, on the darkest night, which is when we need it most.”

He spoke with his silken, calm voice, neither leading nor lagging behind his words. Wonwoo listened carefully, as if a willow tree of wisdom had sprouted in his mouth.

A willow tree falling over the stream, taking the water, drinking from it. Where Wonwoo had once tried to drown himself.

“But that blindness is certain to be temporary, because the clouds are not everlasting. They are just shapes that come and go, that disappear with the rain, or when the wind blows too strong to carry them away” Junhui found his knob and turned it, but did not enter his house. “So Jeon Wonwoo, I hope your sky is clearer now. The world doesn't have to be just one colour. As long as we are certain that it can have any colour spectrum, and without the need to see it, then we can be certain that even clouds can be tinted like the sun.”

He smiled in a way that Wonwoo hadn't seen him do. With closed eyes and puffy cheeks. Gently.

As if his words had not penetrated deep inside Wonwoo, as if they hadn't been buried in his skin. There, where Junhui with a touch could read him.

There were people who could see, and still chose to turn a blind eye.

And he, who couldn't do it, spoke as if his eyes had seen more of life than anyone else. As if he really knew that sky that many had the opportunity to admire and celebrate, but they didn't.

But Jun, someone truly unable to see, was ironically the person who had looked into him the most.

Junhui finally entered his apartment and a dog greeted him. He closed the door behind and Wonwoo stood in the middle of the hallway, looking at his bandaged forearms. His neck was in the same condition.

The wounds would take a long time to go away, scars would remain. His sky was still cloudy.

But that day he discovered that the moon was peeking through the clouds and the night was no longer so dark.

[ кץгเє ]

And the first week passed. Joshua, Minghao and Mingyu visited him as they said. The doctor observed the evolution of his wounds and how they were healing, especially the one in the neck, which was the most delicate.

He was trying to wear a turtleneck to hide the bandage and was thankful for the cold spring that year.

Minghao bought him many new books that he said were not necessary, but still the younger man insisted. Mingyu prepared his favorite foods for him, leaving him full tupperware in his refrigerator to eat for a week just by heating the food, because he knew that Wonwoo was terrible at cooking and preferred to order food already prepared, not caring much about the quality of his diet.

He had too many donuts that he couldn't finish himself, but he also couldn't bring himself to ask Junhui to come over for breakfast every morning (although the idea constantly crossed his mind and found it pleasant just to think about it).

Juniper was still as hyperactive as ever and as if she had a sixth sense, every time Wonwoo returned to his negative thoughts and sat in a corner with his knees to his chest, trying not to hurt himself, the kitten approached him to reassure and distract him, purring and climbing on the lap of the jet-haired.

But Wonwoo was healing.

He was going to therapy, trying to get better, not just physically but emotionally.

Until one Saturday, when he had to go to the groceries, returning with the bags in his arms, walking down the hall to get to his apartment, he finally saw Junhui again, but this time, the man was accompanied by a dog, a very well behaved and patient Golden Retriever at his side.

Apparently Jun was looking for his keys, but when he took them out of his pocket, they fell out.

So Wonwoo came closer and the dog that looked at him without barking reminded him of Mingyu, because he was big and with warm brown eyes. The editor bent down and picked up the keys.

“Hey, your dog is very cute.”

Junhui smiled upon hearing his voice, as he had already felt Wonwoo's presence approaching.

“His name is Höðr.”

He pronounced it perfectly and Wonwoo couldn't help but laugh because he recognized that name even though he knew more how it was written than how it sounded.

Junhui frowned, not in annoyance, but in surprise.

“You noticed the irony, right?”

Wonwoo laughed more freely. “I'm sorry, it's very clever. Höðr... A blind god.”

Junhui had named his guide dog after a blind Norse god.

The brown-haired man shrugged, breaking into a soft laugh as well.

“And the one with that name acts as my eyes, but I am a true believer that irony is the purest humor.”

“I agree with that.” Wonwoo smiled widely. “By the way, your keys, here.”

“Thank you very much, not even Höðr, no matter how trained he is, can pass things on to me. Disadvantages of not having opposable thumbs.”

The jet-haired again laughed at Jun's humor, who stretched out his hand palm up and Wonwoo placed the keys carefully. He had a kitty keychain and wondered how Junhui could have so much love for something he couldn't see.

The man felt around his door, searching for the lock and finding it with only two tries.

“Is it hard?” Wonwoo got surprised by asking that, before he could stop himself. “Oh sorry! I did not want to--

“Don't worry,” Junhui smiled in his direction to reassure him. “Curiosity is not bad, Wonwoo.”

He opened the door, but did not enter his apartment. He stood there, as if weighing something. The jet-haired waited for him, carrying the bags in one hand.

“I'm curious too, you know?” Jun answered after a few moments, his voice low.

At first, Wonwoo didn't understand what he meant by that, but then came the words that Junhui said to him the last time they had seen each other.

“So I'm not the only one,” he replied, instinctively looking down at his forearms covered by the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

Junhui denied with a smile. “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I promise my food tastes good.”

“Woah, can you cook?” Wonwoo hit his forehead that even Jun heard. “Sorry again, I don't know what's wrong with me.”

But the man chuckled softly, amused by Wonwoo's honesty.

“I don't mind, calm down. And yes, it is not easy, but I have a lot of practice, so I do it automatically and it seems that I have a gift for cooking, I assure you.”

“Then I gladly accept. I cook horrible and if it weren't for the homemade food that my best friend leaves me, I would starve.”

Junhui pouted. “Too bad, Jeon, nutrition is important.”

The jet-haired smiled tenderly. It wasn't an everyday thing that there were people as compassionate and gentle as Jun.

“I will accept your advice and your invitation to dinner, just tell me what time.”

Junhui raised his hands, with eight fingers up and a small smile on his lips. Blurred eyes staring somewhere in Wonwoo's chest, eyelids lowered.

“I'll be here at that time, thank you so much.” Wonwoo replied more animated than he expected to sound.

And saying that, Junhui made a small bow with his head and entered his apartment with his dog and Wonwoo stayed in the corridor, still with the grocery bags in his arms, with a silly smile plastered in his face, without noticing it.

[ ɭเє๔ ]

The night came, Wonwoo would be lying if he said he hadn't been looking forward to that moment with excitement.

Few things could make him feel like that lately. The weather was strangely warm, and considering the nature of Junhui's eyes, he decided to go without his long-sleeved sweatshirts for the first time.

He used to wear them to hide his bandages, as well as long-necked shirts so that the more conspicuous bandage on his neck wouldn't be seen. But he wouldn't need them now and that relieved him a little.

Not having to hide that from others. To avoid being judged, to avoid receiving pitying looks from people who couldn't understand his situation.

No one could understand why a person could hurt himself like that. He couldn't even understand it. But once out of control, he didn't have the will to stop. To save himself. Not to stain his skin.

So he looked in the mirror and felt like a fool. Junhui couldn't see him, there was no need to dress up much. Just his plain black shirt, his hair too short to be styled in any way. Round glasses, worn baggy jeans, black boots.

Bandages on the forearms, bandages on the neck.

“It's not a date, idiot, he only invited you to dinner because you are neighbors and he is a nice person, clearly”

Still, he felt strange. He was never interested in making more friends than the ones he already knew. And in those moments he just wanted to try to heal, if there was hope for someone like him.

He felt so small sometimes. Just helpless.

His glasses fogged up and he took them off, wiping them on the edge of his shirt, frowning.

“Not today, Wonwoo, you have to try to enjoy life, even for a few moments” he said to his reflection.

He put his glasses back on and taking his keys and kissing Juniper who was asleep on the couch, he got outside. He didn't have to walk far. He counted twenty steps from the door of his apartment to Junhui's door.

He rang the doorbell, noticing that it was sitting up in the door unlike his own. A lively melody was heard from the other side.

Jun's dog was very well trained because he didn't hear his barking.

He didn't wait long, as the door opened, revealing Junhui with a wooden spoon in his hand, his eyes fixed on some part of Wonwoo's chest, as it always used to be.

“I don't know what time it is, but I think you're very punctual.” He smiled and moved to the side. “Come in, make yourself at home. By the way, turn on the lights with confidence, I have them off for obvious reasons.”

Wonwoo nodded, then almost slapped his forehead, because it was a habit that he had to eradicate with the other man. He had to use more words and less body language where he leaned in because he didn't like to talk. However, he entered, passing Jun who frowned slightly, sensing something.

“Eucalyptus?” He asked and Wonwoo at first didn't understand, but then he remembered that he had a glass jar where he had more than 300 eucalyptus sweets that Minghao and Mingyu brought him because they knew he was addicted to them.

“You have a very sharp nose.”

Junhui chuckled softly.

“I'm not going to lie to you, my nose is my best sense. Even better than my hearing. And it's infinitely better than my eyesight! But that applies to the rest of my senses.” He stuck his tongue out and laughed again.

Wonwoo felt infected by that good mood. “Yes, I really like eucalyptus sweets. They are refreshing.”

The man nodded and began to walk with incredible confidence for someone who couldn't see a thing.

The jet-haired had only seen him move cautiously, always careful. But right now he didn't doubt any of his steps, dodging the few obstacles that stood in his way.

He guessed that was because Jun walked by his house every day and knew it perfectly.

The jet-haired went looking for light switches because the whole apartment was too dark.

The brown-haired man walked to the kitchen and Wonwoo noticed that Junhui had a shelf with many books on it. He was curious about it and stopped in front, shooting a look at the man who settled in the kitchen, too neat for his surprise. Sure, it was the most logical thing to cook without the sense of sight, to have everything in order.

“Hey, can I take a look at your books?”

“Of course! Although I don't think you can read them, the irony.” Junhui laughed again and Wonwoo smiled easily at that pleasant sound.

He walked over to the bookshelf and picked up a book at random. When he opened it it was not unusual to find that all the text was in braille. He found it curious to see a book like that, that could be read tactilely.

If Junhui had many books, it meant that he was a passionate reader. Just like Wonwoo, who had more books than clothes.

Jun's dog, Höðr, lay watching his owner from the dining room, propped up on his paws and ever attentive. Wonwoo was glad that there was someone taking care of the man.

“The food is ready, could you help me set the table, please?”

“Of course.”

Wonwoo left the books where they were, without disturbing anything, because he knew that for a blind person, the order of things was very important. That's how they guided in everything.

He went into the kitchen and became anxious to see the stove on and the knives. There were a lot of dangerous things in there that could hurt Jun, but the man looked untouched and unconcerned.

Junhui took the bowls and poured what looked like light cream from the pot. It smelled pretty good and Wonwoo's stomach growled.

“Easy, we're going to eat, don't worry.”

Wonwoo felt his face light up, but he chuckled. 

“It all looks delicious.”

“Really?” Jun turned his head in his direction as he carefully served the dish with an amused smile.

“Yes, it looks excelle- sorry.”

He wanted to take another hit to his forehead but Junhui laughed.

“Don't be too harsh on yourself. It is just a linguistic expression. If you tell me it looks good, I'll take your word for it. Here.”

Wonwoo took the plates and took them to the dining room. Junhui had little furniture in his house and his decorations were sparse.

The cloudy-eyed man went to his refrigerator and opened it, searching with his touch for two cans of soda.

“I don't know which ones I got, but you can take the one you like the most. I think Root Beer and... I don't know.”

He walked over to the table and set the cans down carefully. Then he went for the rest of the meal.

Wonwoo continued to help him and between the two of them they arranged the table with various dishes. They sat facing each other and Jun motioned for Wonwoo to start eating.

“Go ahead, tell me what you think.”

The jet-haired started to eat and tried to make an exaggerated sound of satisfaction to make Junhui understand that he was fascinated by him. And it was the truth. Just one taste and he already felt his stomach jump of joy.

The brown-haired man smiled satisfied and he began to eat too carefully, like everything he did. With patience and meditation. Wonwoo felt very self-conscious about the sounds he might make while eating, so he was cautious too.

“So tell me about yourself, why did you move to this area so far from the center of Yabbay?” Jun asked, opening a soda can.

The jet-haired chose his words carefully.

“Well, I needed a new beginning and a little clearing up in a place where… There were no bad memories. I guess my previous apartment got stacked from bad memories and my friends agreed that it would be best if I didn't stay there.”

Junhui nodded, listening carefully. His eyelids were always slightly lowered and his full moon eyes looked nowhere in particular. It had some unique beauty, that gesture and look so serene and thoughtful.

“It's always better to leave the things that hurt us behind. Even if watching it is painful, it is not something to be endured. Although I don't have much experience with it, I understand.”

Wonwoo was also curious about Jun, but he didn't know how to ask without sounding rude.

“I find admirable the way you move about everything. I... I don't know, I don't want to sound rude or impolite, but it really surprises me that the lack of a sense is not an impediment as such. I mean, I wear glasses because my eyesight is bad and I usually have a lot of trouble making it through the day without them, but you…”

Junhui smiled affably. “I was born like this, Wonwoo. It's all I know and I've learned to live this way for as long as I can remember. My world does not belong to that of colours, but to that of sounds, smells, tastes and textures. It's the only thing I've ever lived through, so I can't miss or wish for something I don't know,” he explained, his cloudy eyes always lost beyond Wonwoo. “So you have every right to feel frustrated without your glasses, because you can see, even if you don't do so well.”

The jet-haired felt that every word Jun said carried a great wisdom. As if that man could read his soul and understand what he felt. What he needed to hear.

“I've never seen it that way... Wow.”

Junhui sipped on the cream and then kept talking.

“And don't worry, I'm not one to judge or get angry at people's questions. I do not consider you rude or impolite, I already said that curiosity is not bad. You can ask me, if you are curious about it.”

Wonwoo stopped to reflect a bit. When he arrived at that apartment, when he moved there, he never imagined himself in that situation.

He, who wanted to die. He, who had scars and wounds that could open at any moment.

He, in front of a man who couldn't see him. But did listen. Did feel. And did understand.

“You were born that way, then? Is it congenital?” he dared to ask.

“That's right, I'm completely blind from birth.” Junhui smiled, shrugging. “Many say that it is the worst sense that one can lose. I wasn't even born with it, so I didn't lose anything.”

“Is it hard...?” Wonwoo asked again, stirring the chopsticks in the meat with vegetables of a stew that he didn't know the name of, but that was very tasty.

“Of course. This world is made for those who can see, primarily. Unless you're a mole, but we humans are made to see. I am nature's mistake” he said those words too animated for what they implied.

“I don't think so, you're not a mistake, Jun.”

The man shrugged again.

“I'm a mistake that can survive, at least. It's difficult, but possibñe. One learns. I don't know if you've heard of neuroplasticity, but I'm glad such a concept exists.”

Wonwoo did read about it and agreed.

“But if I'm a mistake, according to what my friends and acquaintances have told me, I don't look bad at all physically.” He chuckled again. “Not even touching my own face can I really know for sure, but they say I'm pretty handsome, do you think?”

Wonwoo widened his eyes and felt embarrassed and shy all of a sudden.

“Well…”

Junhui tilted his head, always smiling.

“It was a rhetorical question, you don't have to answer it.”

However, Wonwoo did.

“Yes, Jun, you are very beautiful. If I'm honest, you're one of the few people I've met who have seemed too beautiful to be real.”

He confessed before stopping himself. At least he kept to himself the part about telling him «Venus reincarnated», that would be too much.

“I mean, you're very attractive, I--

Junhui raised his eyebrows and his smile softened.

“Do you really believe that? My concept of beauty is very different from that of you, visual people, but I hope your concept is good and I am pleasing to the eye,” he said in an appreciative voice.

“How is your concept of beauty?” Wonwoo almost stumbled over his words, feeling that by a miracle Jun didn't take what he said badly.

The man made a thoughtful gesture.

“Well... According to Saint Thomas Aquinas, pulchra sunt quae visa placent or «beautiful are the things that please the eye». I guess that applies to the other senses too, right?”

Wonwoo nodded and then sighed, his interest in Junhui growing. Apart from beautiful and wise, intellectual. He was facing the most incredible person he had ever met in his entire life.

“Yes, I think so.”

Junhui smiled, closing his eyes.

“So for me, beautiful are the things that sound pleasant, that feel good under my fingers, that smell magnificent or that taste good. For example, I think Vivaldi's music is beautiful. I think cats are soft and therefore very cute. I think that sweets are pretty because they taste good and that flowers are all very lovely because of their good smell. Is my logic correct?”

The jet-haired pondered those words and felt himself discovering a world so different from his own, but one that was real to Jun and not very far from the one they lived in.

“Yes, all those things are cute, indeed. Classical music, cats, sweets and flowers. They're good-looking things.” Then he thought of his next question, but still he asked it. “And how can you apply that to people?”

Junhui blinked slowly, neither seeming surprised nor annoyed at the question.

“It's more complex, but I can tell. Beautiful people have a voice that pleases, not only because of its tone, but because of their words and their choice of them. They also have warm hands, and if they are cold, they are usually delicate and gentle hands,” he began to explain. “I also know from their features, but few people let me touch their faces, so I don't have much to compare.”

He chuckled softly again, picking up his food. Wonwoo thought that Junhui probably went by more abstract things to define beautiful things.

Maybe a person could be very pretty, but rude, so Jun wouldn't consider them beautiful. His judgment would be elsewhere.

He was not Platonist, he was Kantian.

“And would you like to be able to know people by their features?” asked the jet-haired, curious.

Junhui opened his cloudy eyes.

“Not really, but I'm always willing to meet another person's face, as long as they let me. It is an experience that I appreciate very much,” he almost whispered.

Wonwoo looked at the table, frowning, weighing something. “Would you like to feel mine?” He asked the question.

Maybe he was bold, but somehow he wanted Junhui to get to know him a little more. Because he himself wanted to know more about Jun. 

The blurry-eyed man made a gesture of surprise. He didn't expect it at all.

“Are you sure?”

Wonwoo nodded. And then he shook his head to himself. He should kick that habit.

“Yes, of course, if you like.”

“I don't have any problem.” Junhui smiled sweetly and Wonwoo was not long in standing up, moving his chair closer to place it in front of the other man, who turned in his direction when he felt him closer to him.

His knees were almost glued together.

“Well, I hope it's not too invasive for you that I start touching your face.” He laughed softly, but Wonwoo smiled.

“No, not at all. Go ahead, you can do it freely.”

Wonwoo took off his glasses and placed them on the table. Junhui stretched out his hands very slightly, cautiously, and the jet-haired dared to take him by his wrists to guide his hands towards his face.

Junhui smiled gratefully. His fingertips stayed where Wonwoo guided them, on his cheekbones.

First, his fingers traced the contours of his face, delicately tracing his sharp jaw, reaching his strong, angular chin.

Afterward, Jun's right hand was placed on his forehead, lowering the entire straightness of his nose with his index finger.

As if one time wasn't enough, he went back over his profile. Wonwoo looked at Junhui's features at the same time, while Junhui looked at his in a different way.

Junhui ran his thumb down the tip of the nose to Wonwoo's cupid's bow, while the jet-haired man stared at the lips of the man in front of him.

Jun's lips, with those moles on them, peculiar in arrangement, but beautiful, like a constellation on his skin. Cancer's, that of his birth, which that man possessed as if he were a teleological sign of the universe.

Then he felt the gentle pad of Junhui's thumb rest on his upper lip moving smoothly over the delicate surface until it reached the corner and down to the thicker lower lip.

He made the same move and stopped.

Jun's almost translucent lashes that slightly covered his blurred eyes lifted as he opened them. Wonwoo didn't notice at first because, since the feel of Jun's fingers on his lips had put him into a trance in a certain way.

Until he was aware of the other hand that he had missed out. That was on his neck. Over the bandage.

Junhui had lowered his left hand from Wonwoo's jaw to his neck in a daring gesture that not even he expected, but that he had done with the same unconsciousness with which the other man didn't feel it.

The blind man withdrew his hand right away and Wonwoo nearly suffocated with his own guilt and shame.

He didn't think Jun knew what the bandage was on his neck, but he didn't think he was a fool either.

Seeing the man's sheepish gesture, with his own guilt as well, he couldn't think of anything better than to take Jun's hand and put it back on his neck.

He felt crazy... But Junhui wanted to meet him.

He had fallen into the comfort that this man never knew about that side of him. The one who despised life (and who still did). The man weakened and tired to the point of bearing scars with the mark of despair and fatigue from carrying the days that he didn't want to hang on his shoulder.

Junhui's surprise reflected on his face.

“It's okay, it doesn't hurt.”

Even for Wonwoo, suspicious that he was, that would never have so much freedom and closeness with a stranger, with Jun he felt that that did not exist.

As if he was facing someone he already knew. From somewhere he couldn't bring to his mind. At least not with that new consciousness, but with the soul maybe.

“Wonwoo…” Jun whispered, still with his left hand resting on the jet-haired's neck, he used his right hand to grab his cheek.

“Yes?”

But no words came out of his lips as Wonwoo watched intently.

As if Jun could see beyond the man he was, a drifter between the ledge of the moon and the earth, waiting to fall into the void.

They were silent for a few moments. For the first time Wonwoo didn't feel the need to put out unnecessary words to fill a mute space.

“Do you take care of it properly? I would like to offer my help, but it is something that unfortunately I cannot do in the way that I would like.”

Finally, Junhui's silken voice made itself heard and Wonwoo at first didn't understand what he meant by those words. His brain took a little longer to establish proper synapses. He didn't understand what state he had entered, but Jun dragged him towards him.

However, his own voice sounded clear unlike his jumbled thoughts.

“Yeah, I mean, I keep it clean and change my bandage every day, but I have a friend who's a doctor who takes care of the delicate things,” he explained. “Thanks for offering your help, don't worry.”

Why was he so nice? Why didn't he judge him? In none of his features was there anything that Wonwoo could consider a bad gesture or the slightest judgment.

Not pity, but understanding.

Junhui withdrew his hands and changed his countenance into an animated smile.

“I'm glad, but if I can do something, no matter how small, here I am. By the way, you have very handsome features, Wonwoo.”

That last embarrassed him and he smiled goofily.

Junhui didn't reveal to him that in reality, among the people close to him that he had the opportunity to meet through his touch, Wonwoo had the most beautiful features that he ever touched.

“You must be a very attractive man.” Jun smiled and Wonwoo couldn't help but look away and deny several times.

“Huh... I don't know that. Probably?”

“Well, I'll say yes,” Junhui answered right away.

So the jet-haired accepted the compliment, not without falling silent. Not without returning it. And how not to do it?

Junhui called him handsome when he himself looked like he was sculpted by artists who had Venus in mind as a muse to create him.

“You are very beautiful.”

He didn't say "also" because Jun's beauty was far from on the same spectrum as his.

Wonwoo was handsome, with all of his masculine features within divine geometry in which every angle of his face made him exceptional in external beauty even though he didn't notice it himself.

But Junhui possessed a pure and enchanting beauty. As if each feature of his were like observing a white and immaculate flower, and at the same time, bright under the sun, but caressed by the moon.

So, with that compliment, the man smiled warmly. For Junhui, that his eyes couldn't see the beauty that he possessed, he would never understand the impact of his smile.

“Thank you Wonwoo. And also for letting me get to know you a little more.”

And both felt that need, as if there were an infinite source in front of them, as if the thirst was unbearable... To get to know each other.

[ ɭเє๔ ]

His alarm clock rang, with Vivaldi's RV36 that wasn't too loud, but couldn't go unnoticed by him.

He opened his eyes. And saw nothing.

It was not darkness. There was simply nothing that he could perceive. Like putting a hand covering a healthy seeing eye. This was how things presented themselves in front of him.

He straightened up and sat on the bed, searching with his feet for the slippers that Hansol swore to him were kitty slippers. Despite never having seen one, by describing them and petting them, he could tell that they were his favorite animals.

He always wanted to have one, but as a child he didn't have time to take care of someone else, it was enough to learn to live the world differently from others. He only had one, but after that he hadn't had a chance.

Stumbles he always had. But he learned to be cautious.

He supposed his eyes stood out a lot, because when he wasn't wearing his black glasses, he heard exclamations all around him.

According to Hansol's descriptions, it seems that the people had the center of the eye of a black color.

In Jun's case, it was white.

«It's like you have two pearls, Jun»

And he didn't know what the pearls were, he had only felt them in his hands with an almost perfect round shape and smooth surface. But if they were beautiful as Hansol said, he would trust him.

Despite his visual impairment, Jun had a normal life. He was a lawyer and when Hansol joked that if he was a Daredevil type, the only thing he could reply was that despite knowing martial arts, he couldn't hit another person because of his pact of total pacifism.

That and his senses weren't extremely developed.

Although in a certain part it was true that he had better hearing and smell than the rest of the people, because the need had forced them to become more acute.

Neuroplasticity.

Junhui noted every sound around him, his fingers were very sensitive to what he touched. His nostrils picked up scents more quickly and sharply.

In the absence of the most precious sense for people, he was content to move in a world of sounds, smells and sensations.

The images were so foreign to him that he could safely say that he didn't regret being completely blind. It was just the only thing he knew.

He prepared his breakfast with due care. He felt the presence of his trusty guide dog and the light sounds of the waking city reached him. He sat at his little table in the dining room and felt the breeze coming through the balcony, which he didn't go out to for obvious reasons, but which he always opened to let in the sounds and the wind. He felt his dog lean against his feet and smiled softly.

He was used to this world devoid of colors and shapes. To only be accompanied by his faithful companion. To be exposed to sounds and whatever the waves in the wind will carry for him.

Hansol and Jeonghan were his close friends, always supporting him and not weighing him down or making things difficult for him.

Junhui understood their concern at times, but he had taken good care of himself for 29 years and would continue to do so.

He rested his chin on his hand and continued to enjoy the calm of the morning. Until he heard a deep and hysterical laugh.

He jerked his head in the direction of the sound. It was muffled by the wall, because it came from the neighboring apartment. From Wonwoo's apartment.

He paid attention, curious at that deep laugh.

“Juniper, you're such a fool!”

He barely heard, followed by more laughter. Jun smiled automatically. Apparently his neighbor's hyperactive kitten had done something that made him laugh.

He felt a warmth in his chest. The times that he'd been with Wonwoo he was able to learn many things from his person.

His voice was nice. Serious and quiet, even thoughtful. Thoughtful to a degree of awake consciousness. It was like the black coffee that wakes you up in the morning and gives you energy to start the day.

Warm, but not at the pole of the fire or the flames of a candle, but like a July sun that sneaks under the shade of the tree where you take a nap.

His touch was hesitant, for he had a slight tremor in his hands. He was probably such a level-headed and considerate person that he was afraid of doing the slightest bit of harm to others.

His skin also had that strange warmth, which could be cold because of its temperature, but the touch was as light as the brush of a sheet of a book kept on the shelf, which ends up being your favorite.

His words were motivated by a hard life, with scars from the past. With insecurities and fears, but with the strength to move forward.

His presence was strong and hard to ignore. The essence that he gave was dark, not because of evil or some synonym for that matter.

It was dark as the starry night, because Jun once heard that the stars were like points of light that abound on a black canvas.

And even though he didn't know what that was like, he felt that in Wonwoo.

He was dark as a Satie piece. A gnossienne, with the piano in the background, calm, gloomy, of rainy days. Of beating on the glass by the drops, of a comforting breeze in the face of sorrow.

He was dark and bright at the same time, even though those concepts were beyond his knowledge. Because everything was abstract for him in that case.

“I am a blind man,” he said, smiling wistfully. “The only thing I know is…”

He pursed his lips. Why did that negative thought of loneliness come to him? Perhaps because it was easier to feel alone with a noisy head and nothing in front of you to admire. Because someone else's absence was more noticeable if you couldn't see it.

At least the view is a delusion as a supposed oasis in the desert.

And Junhui felt that he was dying of thirst.

[ єɭєเʂσɳ ]

Divided by a wall.

Junhui with his morning routine in which he was very careful but moved decisively. His dog always at a considerable distance from him.

Wonwoo, who didn't leave his apartment, who fed his kitten and then went to work from his computer.

The silence of both neighbors was evident. Jun was unnerved by loud noises and Wonwoo liked calm.

But there was a small flower in the middle of them that they couldn't notice with the naked eye.

The feeling of loneliness fell harder on Jun's shoulders. He went to work, he came back. His hobbies consisted of reading or listening to documentaries.

But since he'd met Wonwoo, with his presence that seemed so nice to him, it made him open his eyes, despite not seeing anything through them. Because he did have a strange drive. An indescribable need.

And on Wonwoo's part, it was more than evident that his mind was stubbornly distracted. To return to Jun's face constantly.

He was a man of obsessions. He was passionate, even though it seemed otherwise. He was an appreciator of art and beautiful things. And if something caught his attention, he couldn't get it out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.

But he didn't want to stop doing it either, if it was about Junhui. That friendly neighbor of yours. So beautiful. So close, and yet Wonwoo didn't know how to get closer. He had to find an excuse, but he wasn't the only one trying the same way.

An excuse.

“To see you”

“To listen to you”

[ єɭєเʂσɳ ]

The excuse came on a Monday with Junhui tripping on his shoelaces and Wonwoo walking out of his apartment at the same time he saw the lawyer hopping to regain his balance without taking into account the wall in front of him.

The jet-haired's legs moved before his brain understood why and he held Junhui by the waist so that he wouldn't bump into the wall and aside, help him regain his balance due to his tripping.

Jun, in his suit for work, reached out his hand and grabbed onto the first thing within reach, which was Wonwoo's forearm.

He remembered the man's situation and released him in panic.

“Sorry!” he exclaimed.

Maybe it was the embarrassment of his tripping over not making sure to tie his shoes properly, or Wonwoo's sudden closeness. Or those strong arms holding his waist in that gesture that seemed so intimate. Perhaps simply that Jun had been careless and grabbed his forearm with force, potentially hurting him.

But Wonwoo no longer felt pain in his healing scars and anyway, seeing Jun again after so many days without running into him, was the only thing that seemed relevant to him.

“Don't apologize, you nearly ran straight into the wall.”

Jun didn't have his face in Wonwoo's direction, but towards the front, but his facial expressions reacted to the raven man's words.

“Oh? That would have been embarrassing and painful, thanks for sparing me such a thing.”

The man, so well groomed and dressed for work, smiled slightly. In profile, Wonwoo could see his eyes always with slightly lowered eyelids, showing a gesture of serenity.

Junhui seemed to be constantly looking down, lost in something. Lost in the nothingness of his retinas that didn't catch the light.

But the sounds were well heard. And Wonwoo's voice caressed him in a way that he was strangely attracted to.

“You're holding me tight, but don't worry, I'm not going to fall anymore,” he said, after a few moments, noticing that Wonwoo was still holding him by the waist.

The bespectacled man blinked several times and realized his position for the first time. He was in the middle of a half hug and had to snap out of it, cheeks burning.

“Excuse me,” he chuckled nervously. “It's just that I didn't want anything to happen to you and that was my first reaction.”

“It's okay, I appreciate it,” Jun said, adjusting his suit jacket and trying to locate himself in space.

He had his retractable cane, but not his dark glasses. Wonwoo looked closely at those blurred eyes. The full moon that clouded them.

His gaze went over Jun's entire body, not stopping himself, admiring how svelte he was, especially paying attention to his long, toned legs.

Until he got to his feet and saw that on his right shoe, the laces were totally loose.

“I see what the problem is,” he said, getting down without thinking.

“My natural clumsiness? It's a gift,” Jun teased, but he felt Wonwoo give him a little tap with his knuckles on the outer nub of his ankle.

“Your shoelaces. Let me tie them for you.”

And that simple action was enough for Jun to have to touch his face because he felt the blood pool in it all at once.

He wanted to tell Wonwoo no, that he would tie them, but he felt the other man making a tight knot so they wouldn't come loose again and he would trip and hurt himself.

There was an action of care that he found touching. He wanted to cling to it.

Junhui didn't ask for help, he didn't act needy. No matter how much sight he lacked, his whole life was independent and he never wanted to be a burden. He learned the hard way to have to fend for himself.

But that small spontaneous and supportive action on Wonwoo's part stirred a hidden part of him.

“Wonwoo, would you mind accompanying me somewhere on Sunday?” He asked without being able to stop to think about it, giving in to his impulse.

The man raised his head, giving a last adjustment to the laces and checking that the other shoe was well tied as well. Then he stood up, being at the same height as Jun.

“Sure, where do you want to go?”

The naturalness of his response surprised him. The ease with which it got out.

“I can't deny him anything, even if I try. And I'm not fooling anyone, I'd go anywhere with him”

Junhui smiled, averting his head shyly. His gaze always lowered, always lost, the almost translucent lashes halfway over his opaque iris.

“It's a place I have a lot of trouble getting to, because I can't learn the directions... But I know I'll find it again if I go with you. If you are my eyes, I promise you will like it.”

And Wonwoo didn't need much to be convinced. Just a "come with me" from Jun was enough.

He'd never done those things for anyone, not even for his friends. He didn't like going out, not even with the promise of an adventure. Much less in his current state of constant apathy.

But there was something about Junhui and what he said that Wonwoo could only accept and let himself flow into.

“I like the idea, if you want me to find that place for you, we'll go there. I have an excellent sense of direction, although my eyes are not the best.”

Junhui smiled widely and shrugged. “You see better than me, it's a fact.”

Wonwoo laughed heartily.

“Hey, I can see better than you, but my cooking is awful.”

Junhui reached out his hand and felt Wonwoo's chest. Then he patted him.

“If you promise to be my eyes, I can cook for you whenever you want, so that's settled.”

The jet-haired looked at Jun's hand, which stayed a little longer than expected on his chest, and held back the impulse to wrap his wrist. But he didn't stop his tongue.

“Tonight, I'll bring the dessert, bought obviously, what do you think?”

It was casual. It was easy. Natural and accepted, as quickly as the flowers enjoy the rain falling on them.

“That sounds perfect to me.”

Junhui removed his hand from Wonwoo's chest and smiled. There were no gaps, there was no time. And their casual promises were just the footsteps of walking side by side, when there was no rush or words left to say.

[ єɭєเʂσɳ ]

Not just that Monday. The same thing happened on Tuesday.

As if Jun didn't want to let go of Wonwoo and he was unable to part with the other man so easily, again with another casual promise.

«Have you tried the hot pot?»

«I haven't had the pleasure»

And so, Jun promised to give him a taste of his special hot pot that he was sure he would like. Wonwoo didn't doubt that.

Wednesday was something similar.

«Have you read George Orwell's 1984?»

«I have not found the book in braille and I haven't listened to the audiobook»

«I don't have a narrator's voice, but I could read it to you if you want, I assure you it's worth it»

And the promise of hearing Wonwoo's voice for a while without interruption and just being the only sound around him was so welcome that Jun asked him to read the whole book to him in that case.

On Thursday, a routine had already been made.

At 20:00 when Jun was at his apartment, Wonwoo went and dinner was already being prepared. He brought some dessert or ingredients for the next meal, since he didn't want to take advantage of his neighbor's kindness.

They chatted while the food was being prepared. Wonwoo keeping an eye on Jun.

And when it was ready, they would sit together, continuing the conversation.

As Junhui liked Juniper a lot, Wonwoo sometimes took her with the other man, since the kitten seemed to have a special affection for him. And Höðr was a very well-behaved dog who had also made friends with the cat.

After dinner, they moved into the living room. Junhui would sit on the couch with his legs up and Wonwoo would sit next to him, reading the book out loud in the most didactic way possible.

They were two grown men, enjoying each other's company. The meals, the conversations, a shared passion for literature.

The eyes admiring the work of art. Ears full of musical beauty, the melody that harmonized with their bodies. The lost look, the direct look. The soft voice and the deep voice.

And the sky was clearing, despite being night. And the moon no longer felt so alone with the night by her side.

[ єɭєเʂσɳ ]

But even in the gifts of life, there have to be moments of fragility.

Wonwoo kept going to therapy, kept getting visits from his friends. Having Junhui, who had gone from his neighbor, to his friend (and in his heart, maybe he was something else), reality hit him like a slap that made him touch his chest and look at his laptop screen, at his desk, eyes wide.

He didn't know what triggered it. Anything could be. Anything.

His anxiety suddenly flared. He should know better than anyone that calm doesn't last long. That something as despicable and crippling as depression could come back to snap at his heels, catch up with him, and set foot to trip him up.

One little thing and everything collapsed.

“No, Wonwoo, that can't happen to you again, everything is fine, okay? Wonwoo, calm down” he told himself.

He took a deep inhalation and tried to use his breath to calm himself, but the familiar feeling that he already knew so well washed over him again.

He just had to let it go, he couldn't fall again. In an anxiety attack. In one of his crisis.

What was wrong with his brain?

He had to fight himself. Like a damn condemn he didn't ask for.

Why did it have to be like this? Why did it have to be so difficult?

He was already falling, and he didn't know how he would get out of it. To where a crisis would drag him again, when he believed that they wouldn't torture him again. But everything was inside him. And his mind clouded over. His breath hitched.

He couldn't contain it anymore. It all pooled inside him, sinking into his chest, carving a hole in him that made it hard for him to breathe.

Wonwoo got up, hands in his hair, pulling the black strands, trying to keep everything under control. He growled to contain it, inside himself, leaning forward, one hand in his hair, the other on his chest, crumpling the fabric.

Why did it have to be like this? Why were emotions and pain surrounding him like that? They seemed to move around him like winged demons. The demons inside of him.

The ones he created himself.

He grabbed the chair and hurled it at the wall, stumbling backwards. He growled and clenched his jaw, the lump in his throat growing. Tears pooled on his glasses, he saw blurry through pain-filled eyes.

He felt oppressed, with an impulse in his hands that he had trouble containing. He hit his head with his fist several times, as if something inside tortured him, as if that way he could get it out.

“Save... save me.”

He could barely get his voice out, restrained, clipped, lost.

Who was he asking for salvation? Was God listening?

At the time, he supposed not.

He hugged himself, feeling great misery. A great solitude. His whole body was collapsing, his mind wouldn't stop spinning. Each return to personal hell.

Only growls and sobs came out of his throat, he felt like a wounded animal. Abandoned.

He wanted to scream, but he just opened his mouth and nothing came out. Sobs, gasping for air.

A new wave hit him, and his chest felt the pain as if it were physical, as if he were stabbed by a dagger of despair. As if he was going to die right there from the pang he felt in his heart.

He grabbed the nearest object and slammed it hard against the wall.

One of his kitten cups shattered with a crashing sound, but Wonwoo wasn't released by that shock. Juniper startled and stared at his owner directly from the bed. 

Wonwoo didn't want to hurt himself, but it was costing him all control.

He went into the bathroom hunched over, one hand still tugging at his hair, the other on his chest. His glasses slipped off. He nearly fell forward, but he caught on to the sink. And when he looked up, unwilling to see his reflection, he couldn't bear it.

He did not recognize himself in that mirror. Was that him? He couldn't see himself as such. Those red eyes, that miserable gesture, that man... It wasn't him.

Another sob. He tried to wash his face, but his body didn't move. As if he had a hard time, he could barely take toilet paper and wipe his nose and face covered in tears. 

He assumed that he was already coming out of the crisis, but again, a shock hit him.

He dropped the paper and stepped back, both hands on his head. He couldn't breathe. His mouth was open and he was panting, trying to get air into his lungs, but he couldn't. He hit everything around him desperately.

He came out of the bathroom, falling to the floor face down, reaching out a hand to nothing. He just couldn't breathe. Would he die in the end? It wouldn't be bad... Rest from all that pain.

“Why? Why? Why?”

“Stop it... Please... please.”

But no one ever came to his salvation. He was alone. He wanted to be held, for someone to hug him and say "everything will be alright".

He crawled until he reached the wall and used his hands to get up, but he still couldn't breathe well and hit several times with his fist, desperately, trying to make everything stop.

His chest felt heavy, oppressed. His throat closed. The trapped voice. He hit and hit the wall, because he didn't want to hit himself.

The other hand went to his neck, where he couldn't breathe and felt suffocated. He scratched without caring that he had a bandage with wounds that needed to heal. He was desperate for that agonizing feeling. There was nothing worse. He wanted to cling to reality, to sanity.

Blood began to ooze from his open wounds, the other fist kept hitting the wall. Tears fell, his mouth open in broken sobs.

His breathing completely irregular.

And from the other side of the apartment, Junhui couldn't help but listen.

From the sound of the cup breaking, which startled him while he was reading, he knew something was wrong.

He could hear the knocking on the wall. They were not regular and there was an unusual pattern to them. He approached the wall of the living  room, of which Wonwoo's room was on the other side, and pressed his ear.

The hits must have been his.

And Junhui barely heard, camouflaged by everything, some sobs and gasps.

He widened his eyes and stepped back. He didn't even think about it. He moved so quickly that he tripped over his couch, but he got up and went to the door. He walked touching the wall until he reached the door of Wonwoo's apartment.

He thought about calling, but he knew it was useless. So he begged for it to be open and luckily for him, when he moved the knob, it gave way.

“Wonwoo?” He called in a worried voice.

He moved with outstretched hands. He didn't know the layout of things there, so he was careful to move forward and follow the sounds.

The sobs were heard more clearly and Junhui moved towards them.

“Wonwoo? Talk to me please.”

The man was leaning against the wall of his room, knees to his chest and a hand on his face, while he continued to cry with sobs that he couldn't calm down.

Junhui stumbled again and opted to stay on his knees, slowly moving like that, reaching forward with his hand.

Then Wonwoo saw him, through the mist of his blurry eyes.

“Wonwoo?”

Junhui stretched out his hand and felt it taken. Another trembling hand that clung to him gently, but very desperately.

He found him.

The man, without being able to see, felt Wonwoo close to him and crawled towards him, still listening to his sobs that he tried to hide.

Wonwoo was thankful that Junhui couldn't see him in such a state. So broken...

But the man moved until he was very close to him and opened his arms, searching for Wonwoo's body, reaching out to grab his head and pull him towards him. Junhui hugged Wonwoo and pulled him to his chest, surrounding him to comfort him.

And Wonwoo had never felt anything like that.

He had asked God for a salvation that he thought he would never get. But He sent him an angel who surrounded him with his wings.

He heard Junhui's heart beating. His warmth.

He was alive... They were alive.

He clung to the other man's body, letting being held, calming his breathing because it kept pace with Jun's, on his chest that was in his ear. He let himself be comforted by him.

And little by little, he calmed down.

The pain dissipated. His emotions stopped swirling around him and his mind was a calm-surfaced pool again.

Junhui couldn't see him, but he felt Wonwoo's body shake. The way he clung to him as a last aid.

How much suffering must he keep inside himself? He must have had a lot of pain in his heart.

“Wonwoo, can you tell me where you are?”

A few seconds passed in which the other man tried to get air and speak without breaking his voice.

“In my apartment…” he replied, his voice hoarse.

“Describe the room for me, okay? I would like to know what your department is like.”

Wonwoo slowly separated from Junhui, looking around him through slightly blurred eyes.

“The walls... I painted them navy blue.”

“And what is that colour like?” Junhui asked, raising his hand. Wonwoo didn't understand, but he took it and brought it close to his face, and apparently that was what the man was looking for, because he caressed his cheek.

“It's... It's peaceful, but because it's relatively dark, it's also elegant and comforting, because it seems to have everything under control.” His voice sounded less agitated, the sobs gone.

“I see why you painted the walls that colour, it must be a very beautiful one.”

Jun kept stroking his cheek and spoke to him in a sweet voice.

“Do you have decorations on your wall?” he kept asking.

“Yes, a painting that a friend of mine did for me. It's abstract, it's just colours, but it means a lot to me,” he said, looking at the painting Minghao had given him. “And I also have drawings that my best friend did, of a Juniper cartoon.”

This time his gaze fell on the drawing on his wall that Mingyu made of his kitten.

“Your friends seem to have a lot of love for you. They must be very beautiful, the painting and the drawing.”

“They are, and… Yes, Minghao and Mingyu are always there for me.”

Wonwoo then realized what Jun was doing.

Not only had he comforted and kept him company, he was pulling him out of his crisis, bringing him back to reality. The one where he was in his apartment that he had painted in his favorite colour. Where he had two great friends who cared about him and appreciated him with such love.

He noticed his breathing evened out and that he was able to speak clearly, as he usually did.

And in any other situation, Wonwoo would have felt tremendously embarrassed and guilty that someone witnessed one of his meltdowns. But he felt the opposite.

With Jun, he just felt blessed.

For the first time he hadn't been alone in his suffering. For the first time, it wasn't even worth continuing in such an oppressive circle.

Because Junhui was there.

He couldn't contain the impulse and hugged him, this time Jun staying on his chest.

“You don't know how much this means to me, Jun.”

The man returned the hug, closing his eyes and allowing himself to be enveloped now by Wonwoo.

“Here I am, you don't have to explain anything to me or thank me. Just let me help you” he said, between Wonwoo's clothes, but who heard him clearly.

“I think your simple presence is enough, it relieves me... It's you, Junhui, who makes me realize that I can keep going.”

“Now I see it clearly”

Junhui parted slightly and despite not being able to see Wonwoo, he sit in front of him. He reached out his hand, searching for the raven's face to touch his cheek again.

“Come with me tomorrow, we agreed that you would help me get to a place that I know will be of special help to you.”

Then he leaned forward, slowly, taking a risk, guiding himself only with the hand that was on Wonwoo's cheek, who remained motionless.

Until Jun reached the other cheek of him, but not with his hand, but with his lips rested on him and left an innocent kiss full of affection.

Then he separated and Wonwoo followed him with his eyes at all times, feeling the burning and tingling on his cheek where Jun left a kiss.

And as if he was barely noticing his actions, Jun touched his face feeling his own cheeks burn.

“Oh, I don't know why I did that,” he said, suddenly shy.

Wonwoo couldn't help but laugh heartily, sniffling and Jun was glad to hear him cheer up.

“Well, what a pity you failed, if you had given it more to the left it would have been perfect.”

Because he would have kissed him on the lips.

Jun pouted and shook his head, still with his hands on his cheeks.

“Yes, of course, it's easy for you to say, I can't see.”

Wonwoo kept laughing, but he put a hand on Jun's brown hair and ruffled it.

“Then next time is on my hands, right? I do not intend to fail.”

Jun gave him a playful tap that miraculously fell on his chest and not on his face, because Wonwoo kept laughing openly and he could only pretend to be upset, when in fact he felt dying inside with happiness.

And Wonwoo felt relieved, reborn. Like a man capable of walking through fire if an angel like Junhui waited on the other side for him.

[ σɾɠєɭ ]

Sunday arrived. A special aura enveloped the morning, as if there were an invisible mist of tranquility and longing. Like a change slowing its pace so that he reached it holding out his hand.

Wonwoo woke up with a slight headache, from crying so much the day before. If it hadn't been for Junhui, he would be even worse off.

But strangely he felt a relief in his chest, as if a weight was being lifted from him.

The heavy burden of loneliness. Of that feeling of abandonment that he had, that God or that divinity that humans adored, did not listen to him and everything was so hopeless and overwhelming.

But he was able to get out of bed and smile.

That day would be special. He had another promise with Jun. He didn't know where he would go, but he would be fine. At Junhui's side, he would be fine.

He was a godsend, if he could call it that.

So he went through the routine of his day like he normally did. With a coffee in his hand and a book in the other, with the calm of the morning and where the annoying and unnecessary noises didn't reach him.

With Juniper who hadn't let go of him after that crisis episode. His kitty slept next to him and followed him everywhere in the morning, waiting outside the bathroom while he took his shower, under his feet while he made his coffee.

Sitting on his lap, taking care of him her way. His hyperactive kitten, so calm when he needed her most.

And then it came to him, that realization.

Adopting Juniper was initially so that Wonwoo would not be so alone and have some company, in that it would be a new beginning to heal in life.

But not only that little kitten had arrived, because another «Juni» was presented in front of him.

When he most needed him, with a healing presence in simple essence.

And as if he were deluded, he came up with the concept of soulmates.

He did not see Junhui as a possible friend for the rest of his years to come, nor a neighbor with whom to share casual moments.

He saw something else in him.

A possible partner, a lover could it be? If life smiled in his face, he couldn't ask for anything more. 

Wonwoo, always lonely and upright, was now in a spiral of direct emotions from a part of himself that he could call his soul.

And his was clinging to Junhui's as if finding him was his goal in the first place.

Could it really, in the worst stage of his life, have such an opportunity?

Yes, it was definitely a gift. A blessing.

[ σɾɠєɭ ]

Junhui knocked on his door, and when Wonwoo opened it, he found him in his casual clothes, but even in that simple outfit, he looked like a work of art. 

Maybe he was exaggerating (but he really wasn't).

It seemed curious to him. Junhui dressed in his white clothes and he in his black clothes.

“We even look like a couple of an angel and a demon” he thought with humor.

When he left the house, saying goodbye to his kitten, Junhui immediately took his arm, wrapping his two arms around him, close to him, with confidence that was already very natural between the two of them.

“You said you would be my eyes today,” Jun said, smiling broadly, again not wearing his black glasses, and for that, Wonwoo thanked him.

Those full moon eyes were a beauty on their own.

They walked like this, although Wonwoo didn't know exactly where to go.

“Of course I'll be your eyes, whenever you want, not just today, but tell me, where do you want to go?”

Junhui didn't miss what Wonwoo's words implied. Whenever you want.

What if that whenever was improper, insidious, infinite?

“To a church,” Junhui answered, with his head facing forward, looking lost at a point on the ground, but attentive ears to Wonwoo next to him.

“But I haven't even given you the ring,” Wonwoo joked and Jun pouted.

“You became very daring from one moment to another... Not that I'm complaining, but still.”

Wonwoo chuckled lightly. Yes, natural was the word with which he could describe his relationship and dynamics with Junhui.

“So to a church... I didn't expect that, but wherever you want to go, I'll follow you... Or rather, I move, you follow me, I follow you because you follow me wherever I should follow you without really following you.”

“What?” Junhui said, laughing and shaking his head.

Wonwoo didn't want to tell him that he was nervous, but that's exactly how he felt, very agitated inside, because of these new sensations that Jun caused him.

“I know going to church sounds very random, but it has a reason. Although I won't tell you yet.”

“Very well, except that in Yabbay there are many churches, which one do you want to go to?”

Jun and Wonwoo walked towards the latter's car, while the brown-haired man swayed slightly, unable to be still at all, and that seemed to the raven-haired man to be a very adorable gesture.

“The Church of St. Lucy.”

Wonwoo didn't know it, but he knew that he would get to it by putting it on the GPS.

“What a coincidence, Saint Lucy, the patron saint of the blind.”

Junhui smiled next to him. “Sometimes the universe has its ways of telling us things, very curious, by the way.”

Wonwoo didn't know exactly why he was saying that, but he guessed that he would soon.

They arrived at his car and he opened the door for Jun, who entered carefully and when he sat down, Wonwoo put his seat belt on him.

“Such a gentleman.”

He didn't know if it was in bad taste to want to help him so much, because despite knowing that he could handle himself quite well, Wonwoo wanted to do his best for Junhui.

His natural protective instincts woke up with Jun and he couldn't ignore it.

He got into the driver's seat and set up the GPS to get directions to the church.

Wonwoo wondered how Jun did to move around the city in his condition, with all the dangers and noise, and most of all, by himself alone.

He had to have a lot of courage.

But it didn't have to be that way anymore. Wonwoo would be with him from now on, he could swear with a hand on his heart if he was asked.

And even though Jun said it was something he was used to by now, managing on his own, it was still amazing, moving through the world like that. Literally blind.

“Do you want music? You mentioned that you like Vivaldi and I have a playlist of his RVs.”

He glanced sideways at Jun, sitting so silent, his eyes beyond.

“Sounds perfect to me, thank you.”

So Wonwoo put on the playlist and drove through the streets of Yabbay.

The silence between them wasn't awkward, on the contrary, it just seemed appreciative. Their presence side by side was the only thing that was enough for them to feel good.

They did not need to unnecessarily fill the silence with frivolous comments. And when they chatted, it wasn't forced

“It was on a day in April, in which there was a lot of wind.”

Jun spoke, after a while of silence where only RV 156 was heard in Allegro. So Wonwoo lowered the volume to pay more attention to that soft voice.

“I was lost. Literally lost. Like I said, I don't have a very good orientation in space and my cell phone wasn't doing much to help me. Besides, I was completely alone and didn't know where I was.”

Wonwoo glanced sideways at Jun and all his calm. Even though he sometimes made very broad gestures and used to be very expressive with his emotions, at that time he simply represented a serenity like those of white lilies swaying in a gentle breeze.

“I was lost, physically and emotionally. When one realizes the true loneliness in which one resides, it is more difficult to lift one's face from the abyss and see the light up there.” Jun smiled. “Not that I know of, right? I don't even know what the light is like, but I have been told that it is the representation of hope, of goodness. Of awakening.”

“That's right, that's its metaphor.”

Junhui, with his eyes on a part beyond, stopped smiling.

“Well, using that metaphor and ignoring the fact that I am a completely blind man, I was plunged into darkness, which would be the antonym of light if we take into account that it is the absence of it.”

The words that came out of his lips did so with that eloquent calm, as if there was meditation behind them, which Wonwoo did not doubt.

“I went out for a walk, recklessly and carelessly, just because I felt lonely.” The man touched his chest. “That feeling was so strong that I couldn't stay still, feeling that emptiness inside me that I couldn't get rid of.”

Wonwoo understood that feeling. Of abandonment and loneliness, so intense, that you cannot escape from them, even running towards nothing, or staying still until the burden is too much.

“So, when I least knew it, I was lost. I didn't even know if the sky was dark, because it's not something that I can know. I have to take Tasimelteon to sleep in the absence of a proper circadian rhythm.” He laughed softly. “I just had no idea about anything. My cell phone ran out of battery, I didn't even know the time.”

The jet-haired could imagine that as something terrifying. Being in the middle of the city, without knowing where you are.

“And I walked, bumping into people and tripping several times. I don't know how nothing happened to me, being adrift is not easy.”

Wonwoo stopped the car at the first place he found to park it, as the church loomed in his vision.

That's where Junhui wanted to go.

The jet-haired wanted to continue listening to his story, but Jun was silent.

“We're here, right?”

“Yes, the church is very astonishing,” he said, leaning forward to get a better look through the windshield. “It seems that the construction is very old, surely Mingyu is able to tell me the architectural style of it.”

“I'll trust your judgment, though I know it's beautiful beforehand and I don't need to see it.”

Wonwoo opened the door, but before leaving, he looked directly at Jun's profile.

“Of course you must trust my judgment, after all, I choose to look at you above all other things.”

Then he got out and went to open the passenger door, where Jun was silent with a slight blush on his cheeks.

Wonwoo took his hand and he accepted it, to get out of the car with the warm breeze of that day.

The jet-haired man glanced back at the church with its arches and tall cross on the steeple.

“Here we are,” he said, feeling Jun take him by the arm again, always careful not to hurt him, although Wonwoo was no longer hurt by his scars.

“I'm glad you found it for me.” Jun smiled, closing his eyes and feeling the warmth of the sun on his skin.

“Let's go inside, though…”

“Do you want to know how I found it the first time?” Junhui beat him to it, walking beside him up the stone walkway for the entrance.

“I'm all ears,” Wonwoo said leisurely.

“Good. Well, I already told you that I was lost and had nothing to locate me with. Without a cell phone available or someone to help me, I just walked aimlessly.”

They stopped, for Wonwoo to help Jun slowly climb the stairs to the entrance.

“And that's when I heard it.”

Wonwoo, holding the hand of Jun who climbed the last step, stopped.

“The bells?” he asked.

But Junhui denied with a smile. He didn't let go of Wonwoo's hand and confidently walked to the front.

The big doors were open, so that anyone could enter, because that's how churches were, always welcoming.

Wonwoo led Junhui inside, where there was nothing but a few warm lights and one that came in through the windows decorated with the story of Saint Lucy, paneled in succession around the ivory-colored walls.

The jet-haired was surprised by the beauty that decorated the interior of the church, with its long benches in two rows, and that central one that led to the altar, which was what Wonwoo did not recognize at first, until he heard it sound.

The organ emitted the melody, through the pipes that took up much of the back. Pure white in colour, with its ornamental columns and winged angels on each side.

They were designed with the architecture of the interior of the church in mind. Ars sonorus. So the music expanded and resounded majestically throughout the space.

Junhui kept walking, guided by the music.

“That's what I heard. That drew me here.”

The man held out his hand and continued to move forward, groping between the backs of the pews for guidance. Wonwoo moved next to him, coming out of the stupefaction of seeing that pipe organ.

They moved forward until Jun stopped and moved to the side, to sit on a bench and appreciate the organist who was still playing the tune.

Wonwoo sat next to Junhui, who had his head raised in the direction of the organ, and even without seeing its majesty, he appreciated it in a different way. His smile said it all.

They continued to listen to the melody, in silence, to fully appreciate it.

Wonwoo felt at peace in that place. It was probably the very nature of being inside a church, or the beautiful melody. Or Junhui's company next to him.

At that moment he was aware of the hand searching for him, hitting his thigh. So he took it, lacing his fingers with Jun's.

The music went on a little longer, until the organ fell silent, leaving an echo in the air.

“I was lost, and something so simple, and at the same time, so beautiful, saved me that day. The Father helped me to return, calling a friend of mine” said Jun at his side. “And only because I heard the organ, which reminded me that beautiful things are there, that things are worthwhile. Isn't that valuable by itself?”

And Wonwoo finally understood. His eyes widened and he saw directly, face to face, what it all meant.

And Junhui too, with his hand that he had considered empty, now occupied by someone else's.

“Thank you for showing me this, it was beautiful.”

Just as Jun had said, a thing as simple as an organ tune had been enough for him to understand his position in life.

But it wasn't just that, it was the company he now had. They both knew it.

Junhui smiled, giving Wonwoo's hand a squeeze.

“You're welcome, you're my eyes, after all.”

And Wonwoo just smiled, thinking:

“You have been my salvation, and that is all that is worth now”