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Scar woke with a shake, the image of purple feathers and a barren desert were still reminiscent in his mind, it was unlike anything he’d ever known, like it had happened before, in a life before him. He automatically reached beside him, patting the spot that was now cold and empty. Where had Grian gone?
He slowly climbed out of bed, scanning the room. He hummed to himself. Tossing his shoes on and grabbing a lantern, he slowly crept towards the door, his eyes roaming to their clock. 3:15 he sighed as he left.
-
Trudging up a mountain at night with his very exhausted mind and body, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts drift to his actions throughout the past few days, he shivered slightly feeling the wind on his scarred body, he had no one to blame for this but himself. No wonder…
He shifted slightly at the sight of Grian, standing almost Idly in front of a headstone, his heart ached. “I'm so sorry B..” That mumble nearly tore Scar in half as he set down his lantern. his mind slowed as he shuffled towards him, letting an unwarranted sigh come from his lips. Grian nearly jumped “Sorry… didn’t mean to scare you” Scar grimaced, watching the fear slowly drain from his soulmate's eyes. Grian wiped his face “What are you uh.. What are you doing here?” Grian barely squeaked out, “It’s uh late shouldn’t you be... Sleeping?” He joked.
“I could say the same for you, pesky bird” Scar smirked in a trying tone, Grian snickered slightly at the nickname “Is this for BigB?” Scar slowly shifted his gaze to the headstone, Grian stiffened, right. “I don’t remember why I came here, or when” Grian offered, except he did. He knew and so did Scar.
Scar sighted removing his jacket “You’re gonna get sick if you keep coming out here without your sweater” Grian snorted, accepting the offer “Technically it’s a jumper” he put the jacket on in compliance. He hummed “Cozy” Scar smiled softly. “When did you wake up?” Grian turned to face Scar fully, his face was now lit entirely by the moon, Scar’s breath hitched at the sight. “Ah about an hour ago? I don’t know how long it takes to climb this mountain, heh” Scar bashed “ ‘Twas worth it though, if I hadn’t found you, you woulda froze!” he cackled. “Let’s go back home” Scar intertwined his hand with Grian’s “I’m not tired,” Grian said as he followed the latter “Well we need to talk anyway” Scar stated, Grian merely gulped
-
Grian sat at their makeshift table, they’d set one up after coming home from the funeral for the Ranchers. Scar handed Grian a cookie, He took it reluctantly“Thanks..” Grian muttered as Scar sat across from him.
“I need to know.” Scar glanced up at Grian, searching for some clarity in his eyes. “If...” Scar sighed, trying to gather his thoughts. “Even if everyone’s okay with us right now, we don't know how long it will last, and I..” Scar drifted off “So I need you to tell me” He reached and held Grian’s hand “Please, just.. Tell me why this isn’t working? Why... Why did you want BigB and not me…?” Grian flinched, eyes darting anywhere but to Scar,
“Scar I think it’s late and we should go to bed” Grian pulled his hand away “Grian.” Scar towered over him.
“Grian we could die tomorrow, or- or we could be separated and I-” Scar felt like he could drown, he could barely speak, and the room around him was starting to blur. Tears stung his eyes; the warmth soon coaxing a haze of tears to flood back with a vengeance. his words came out a struggled sob.
“I couldn’t go without knowing if it was something I did” Grian’s eyes flew open, guilt coursing through his veins “Or if-” He didn’t get the chance to finish before Grian basically tackled him into an embrace, now sniffling himself. He looked fragile and delicate, a side Scar had never seen much; Grian was hurting, that was clear but.. How could Scar have not seen THIS? This side? He wanted to believe he knew Grian but he didn’t,
“Please don’t go away again”
It came out a whisper, but it rang in Scar’s head. This wasn’t a simple matter of Grian not trusting Scar, this was abandonment, loneliness, expectations, and suffering. This wasn’t a matter of trust anymore, this, was Trauma. Scar felt guilty, he should have been angry, he should have been betrayed, but he wasn’t. He couldn’t. Not when Grian had been dealing with this agony alone. “Please don’t leave me again..”
Grian was always extremely stoic, he had always been the one to comfort. On cold rainy nights, he’d been the one calming Mumbo down from the thunder, when Pearl lost her plans for a build, he’d stay up and search to stop her panic, then, well then there was Scar. Scar was very emotional; easily excited and easily scared. Throughout their time in the desert, he’d comfort Scar for anything, if Scar needed it he just say the word, and Grian would have it, neatly wrapped for him. If Scar even suggested he was worried the Ranchers would steal the Jellies, Grian was ready to be there for him. Grian was strong and ready to take initiative, he wasn’t weak-minded, nor was he very forthcoming with his emotions. He was reclusive and distant, maybe Scar should have realized it sooner. Grian was clearly in pain and he didn’t even consider it.
“I’m never going to leave you. Ever.” Scar was very precise with his words, he was stone-cold serious. He pulled Grian’s chin up to face him, Grian was weary-eyed, his sight nearly blocked by the continuous strain of tears flowing. Scar cupped Grian’s face and pressed their foreheads together “Please, look at me” He cleared a tear from Grian’s face “We will get through this. I love you” Grian’s Breath was steadily matching Scar’s “Hear me because I’ll say it a million times” Grian giggled slightly, Scar took that as encouragement. “I love you, I love you, I love you~” Grian snorted before falling silent.
“Scar…” He looked up “It wasn’t your fault” Grian spoke as he retracted slightly, “It- I swear it wasn’t- I didn’t” He was back to panicking, Grian’s breath was rising and falling in such an unmistakable way, Scar couldn’t help but feel a little flustered, Grian looked so small and breakable, and fuck was he beautiful. “Scar I can’t do it, I... I really can't, I'm so so sorry” Grian had dropped as if he collapsed, Bent over on the ground, hands gripping vigorously on Scar's pant leg, knuckles turning nearly white.
“I can’t be responsible for Killing you again”
Oh
Oh
Scar kneeled down to face him, but Grian couldn’t. He couldn’t meet his eyes, his gaze was shakily fixated on the ground “I don’t want to hurt you” Grian broke through raspy breaths “I never wanted to kill you” Instantly, it all made sense. With just two fragile sentences Grian sent Scar back to a time and place he’d long forgotten, a time of blazing heat and wars, a place of misguided love and betrayal. Purple feathers are engraved in Scar’s mind, his own words were stuck there in an infinite loop, and he was sure that that feeling was more than mutual.
“I thought-” Grian paused in a choked sob, “I thought if- if BigB was my ‘soulmate’ It would.. I would…” He met Scar’s eyes “I wouldn’t hurt you anymore” he sniveled as his gaze drooped back to the floor, he held himself, knuckles white. “I couldn’t I… I won’t forgive myself if I am the reason you die” Scar, held back his breath, he was now starting to weep himself. Scar thought Grian hated him, that he wanted to leave him because he wasn’t good enough. But Grian wanted to leave because he wasn’t good enough for Scar, in his perspective, all he could do was hurt Scar.
He was spiraling now “I can’t lose you again, I- I’d rather jump for all to see than lose you” that struck a nerve, Scar tugged Grian into a hug scrambling to hold him tighter, Grian quickly returned it.
They sat like that for what felt like hours. In reality, it was only for a few minutes, but that didn’t dampen the impact any less “I love you” Scar let out in a strangled sob. “Please, please don’t leave” Grian’s eyes shot open at the muffled cry, he cupped Scar’s face “Never. Never again” He slowly bridged the gap between their lips, short and sweet; but still just as genuine and soft. Scar gasped, “Was t-that..?” It took a few seconds before Grian himself jumped back in surprise, completely flustered.
“You… just kissed me”
“...I did, didn’t I?”
Grian had his hands covering his face, Scar gently traced a finger over his mouth, still silent. Scar looked up, face still damp from the stream of tears that seemed to have nearly stopped, he blushed slightly seeing Grian huddled in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry I should have aske-”
“Can you do it again?”
“...Pardon?”
“S-sorry! I must have misheard you!” Grian bashed, “Heh it’s almost like you told me to-” “Grian” he looked up “Can you… kiss me again?” Scar sent Grian wide-eyed “If that’s alright?” Scar suggested. “You- you want me to kiss you?” Scar simply nodded, Grian paused for a moment before shuffling back over to him. He grasped Scar’s face “L… Like this?” Scar smiled sweetly in response.
Grian hesitated before linking their lips with a soft smooch, Scar let out a soft noise of approval “If we die” Scar muttered, “We die together.” Grian smiled against Scar’s lips “We’ll win.”
“Together”