Chapter Text
For the millionth time, Damon and Bonnie got into another argument. It was one of those things where Bonnie got it in her head that her grimoire was missing. At first he thought that she was accusing him. Then, she delivered her precious theory that another person was here. She was adamant that the grimoire was always in her room. He was sure that there wasn’t and she stormed away.
Eventually, Damon wanders down to the basement, looking for some stale blood bags to his success. However, when he goes back up the stairs, he tries to get the door open only to discover he can’t. By the time he destroys the door, Damon is hyperventilating. What the hell is happening?
Bonnie comes in through the doorway and runs towards Damon. Bonnie glances down at the place where the door handle usually was. It was broken off, only a stub of it left...almost looked like the handle had been melted off. “Disagreement with the door?” But the joking nature of her tone was betrayed by her eyes darting back and forth between the pieces of the door on the floor and Damon’s heavy breathing. She had never seen him like that before.
Damon glares at Bonnie. “Where the hell were you? Skipping through the forest?”
“I was looking for the grimoire—“
“Did you lock me in here?”
Bonnie frowns, her eyes blazing with annoyance. “Of course not—why would I do that?”
“Maybe because once upon a time, you hated me and maybe you still do and this is some sick revenge plan.” The idea that Bonnie might still hate him made his insides twist.
“Has the heat gone to your brain?”
“Not so far fetched. You did try to set me on fire a couple of years ago.”
“Are we really playing that game?” Bonnie takes a step closer to him, her voice a low growl. “I set you on fire for grams and everyone else that became collateral damage in your quest to punish everyone for Katherine’s choice.”
Damon walks past Bonnie. “Whatever.”
“Hey,” Bonnie follows after him. “Quit blaming me and tell me what’s going on—“ Damn. Staying with him this long and it’s hard for her to ask him if he’s okay without it turning into an argument. Because every time they take two steps forward, something happens and they remember their past. In these past few months, she’s been able to talk to him and without a filter because they didn’t have anything. She wasn’t sure what they shared now, but she knew that she didn’t want it to go away. Even when they returned to the real world. She could admit to herself that she was scared to lose him. To lose him to his demons when he has helped her fight hers.
“Stop acting like you care, Bonnie. You’re not Stefan and you’re not—“ He cuts himself off.
Bonnie flinches, already knowing what he was going to say. “I know I’m not Elena,” she concedes. “I’m not trying to be. You’re my…” Her voice comes out strangled. “Friend…” Her mind flashes back to how he held her not that long ago and gave her comfort that she hadn’t had since her grams died. “As much as you’re acting like an ass right now, maybe if you just talk about it—I can help.”
Damon ignores her, loosening the collar of his shirt around his neck. He feels like he’s suffocating. “I need to get out of here…” he panics, his breathing labored.
“Damon,” she continues, gently tugging on his elbow.
Almost instinctively, forgetting it was just Bonnie, Damon flinches as he turns around. He bares his fangs, veins spreading out around his eyes, eyes black and furious. But, Bonnie doesn’t flinch. She straightens her back and takes a step towards him.
It feels like hours before his fangs retract and his eyes slowly fade back into the familiar ice blue hue that used to haunt her nightmares. Yet, it feels like time has frozen in this moment just for them where Damon is not a vampire and Bonnie is not a Bennett witch…They’re just two souls caught in the in between. Not heaven, not hell…just limbo. She’s Bonnie and he’s Damon, a man used to brushing off his pain with a slick joke. Here--there were no more roles for them to play. No more pretending. They only had to be themselves, and somehow, that was even more terrifying.
Recognition soon takes the place of his panic. Next comes regret. Then comes shame.…shame that she’s seeing him at his worst (arguably). This is Bonnie. The tension in his shoulders melt away as his shoulders slump. Suddenly, he directs his gaze to the floor and he has the urge to puke up the blood he just consumed. She’s my friend…Somehow, ‘friend’ felt so inadequate to explain what the two of them have become to each other. He had scooped her up and took her home in his arms. He had catalogued all her likes and dislikes as though he’s known her all along. Discovering new things about Bonnie had become his new favorite hobby. And he had just bared his fangs at her instinctively. She wasn't the enemy. This wasn't Augustine. Yet, he forgot that and he hated himself for it.
The look that flashes across his face is the same one that she’s experienced all too well. Wanting comfort but too afraid to ask for fear of being brushed aside for a more pressing matter. That’s the feeling that possesses her when she makes the split second choice to wrap her arms around him. Just like he did for her not too long ago when she was breaking. She might not know exactly what was going on with him. All she knew was that he had been scared. Even if it was only for a split second. It had happened which meant his demons weren't buried. If he wasn't careful, these demons would drag him down if he didn't talk about it. It would consume him.
He was wrong and if he didn't know by now that she cared, maybe he'll know after this. She did care, more than she was able to admit out loud.
For a moment, Damon relishes the feeling of Bonnie’s arms around him and nuzzles his nose into her hair. Insulating him from the flashes of being in an Augustine cell. Yet, he couldn't fight this feeling that the walls were closing in on him. As much as he wanted this embrace to last a lifetime, he couldn't accept it. Not the hug, not the compassion, and certainly not her empathy. Without another word, Damon tears away from the safety that Bonnie, a short stop with no powers but just as courageous, provided. I don’t deserve it.
As she watches him walk away, Bonnie releases the breath she’d been holding and wondered why it feels like he took her heart with him.