Chapter Text
You stand there, eyes on the ground, wishing you could fall into the ground itself.
You survived the venture into the Fade, managed to drag everyone out and yet as you stumble out you know that you have lost everything.
Without much effort you banish the demons into the Fade. You mindfully use your words to soothe people, realizing that you've gotten a lot better at this than the first time you tried to solve a dispute. No one looks at you as if you're just a knife ear. They look at you as if you were their savior. They look at you as if you could save the world.
If only it were true. You know the extent of Corypheus's power. And even as you hack away at his allies, a part of you wonders how you could have kept your secret so.
Oddly enough, it wasn't any of your former allies that give you away, but a victim. But she didn't truly reveal you.
Divine Justinia had shown them the truth and gave you back your memories, the events that lead up to being marked. They all saw it, Stroud, Cassandra, Hawke, Solas...they saw the events that lead up to it. Thankfully that was all they saw. You walked in, having had second thoughts about the plan. You were shocked that Corypheus had decided to continue, to use the Orb. He was surprised you had walked in. Justinia had taken advantage of her surprise and batted the orb out of his hand as if he were but a child. She was very desperate.
And you?
You grabbed it.
It sang and whispered to you as it rolled like some child's ball. Then it decided to explode.
Suddenly you were in the Fade, weaponless and there were /things/ crawling towards you.
And this was the part that hurt you the most. This piece of memory washed over you, bringing back the sour emotions that came with it. Fear. But also guilt.
How easy it would have been to leave the old woman in the Fade, to push her away, to escape. Yet you ran to her side, casting what magic you could at the creatures, dragging her along. At that moment, at that point in time, you didn't want her death on your hands. She had accepted your help, knowing what you had done up to that point, she still thought that you could help. What was it that she saw in you?
She died still, her spirit or a spirit mimicking her died again to help your company out of the Fade.
It wasn't completely your fault, but you played a hand in it.
You had thought the matter done, but then the Nightmare said his piece and it all shattered. This idyllic little life, this mask of being a savior was shattered with a few choice words.
They really don't know, do they? Ellana? How you helped Corypheus breach the Conclave with the Grey Wardens? Oh my. Oh my. Well. Surprise.
She never did like any of Corypheus's allies. Except maybe Calpernia. Or even Magister Alexius. Like her, they were lured by promises.
Cassandra's fist lands right by your face into the wall, she is angry, her eyes burns with a fury that threatens to swallow you up.
"You..."
"Yes." You breathe out shakily. "Me."
"What happened?" Dorian looks good, aside from demon blood and guts hanging off his clothes. "Is there something wrong? I sense, tension."
Cassandra's gloved hands lands on your shoulder and grips it hard. "Later." She drags you away. "I am certain Hawke can explain."
You offer no resistance.
//
Leliana looks like she wanted nothing more than to skin you alive.
Cullen seems to be using the war table as a reason to not rip your apart. You are thankful it is a very sturdy wooden table.
And Josephine?
She does not look at you at all.
"None of this leaves these walls, the Inquisition cannot stand another blow." Cassandra finishes her recount of what happened in the Fade.
You clench your hands nervously, your fingers twitching. It was a nervous habit, one that you have never outgrown.
Your staff is in Cassandra's hands. You had surrendered it willingly, a sharp contrast to the first time she had demanded you to disarm yourself. It was a peace offering.
They would decide your fate, behind closed doors. And you know what will happen. After you deal with Corypheus, you will probably die. Would Cassandra be the one to do it? Her sword through you chest? Or would it be a knife in the dark? A tale for sure, the Inquisitor to die in her sleep due to complications.
You stare at your own feet and wonder why you didn't just die at the Conclave. Death would have been preferable to this. You just had to make friends, you just had to get emotionally invested in these people. You just had to find love.
"And what does...." Leliana didn't even seem capable of saying your name or your title. "What say you?"
You continue to stare at your feet.
"Well? Speak up. You weren't shy with your words before but now that your lies have been revealed you have nothing to say?" Leliana sounds displeased, partially because she couldn't discover the truth before and partially because you had lied to her.
You lied to them all.
When you had awoken, you remembered a few things and kept many more secrets from the group. You were truly saddened by the deaths, felt trapped by the mark, and most of all.....
You never wanted it to come to this.
You are a terrible First you think, the worst in the history of the world.
You let your worry bubble in your gut and your impassive face take the brunt of the questioning. Cullen and Leliana take turns trying to question you. You answer the best you could, what forces he has, what leaders. This, the Inquisition had found out by now, but the knowledge would have been better a long time ago. Everything you know is outdated.
In the end, it was Josephine who spoke, who pulled the closely guarded secret out of you. "What did he offer you? Why follow such a creature?"
You sigh softly, daring yourself to look her in the eyes. "I wanted to give the Elvhenan a home."