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Chapter Text

Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had... he thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish! But there's no way Dazai likes him back so in order to test that hypothesis out, there's a solution: make the Mackerel jealous. It is supposed to be an easy plan but... how could things get extremely chaotic?

CHAPTER 1: Ignore him and be sweet to other customers.

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had. Bathing longer than usual is not enough to get rid of the gruesome thought and he doesn't know why the fuck is he even thinking of such a thing early in the morning. He even brushed his teeth twice and slapped himself thrice. After doing his usual routine, he checks his face in front of the mirror and his eyes widened in horror as he sees his cheeks flushing red with the realization that haunts him since he wakes up.

He thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish—

Is it a start of world domination? Alien invasion? Extreme global warming and climate change? Rise of over corrupt government officials? Chuuya didn't know, but his mind was preoccupied with the smiling face of Dazai since he opened his eyes. He dreamt of that bandaged bastard, too. In that dream, they are partners in some kind of weird mafia organization but Dazai leaves him, though they eventually get m-m-m-married but still It's all creepy! Gross!

So gross that his heart won't stop beating so fast.

Did that shitty Dazai poison my wines? Curse my hat? Made me drink a freaking fishy love potion? Why the hell am I feeling this way?

And so Chuuya arrived into the conclusion that he had already fell hard, so hard that he's so whipped and fucked right now.

Indeed, he’s damned since there's no way that Mackerel loves him back. No way. It's impossible. It's too impossible that Chuuya can feel his stomach twisting in bitterness. Is this what love feels like? Damn, it's so weird and inconvenient. Fuck Dazai for making him feel this way. Fuck his ugly smile that makes him feel giddy, fuck his ugly soft hair that Chuuya's been dreaming to caress, fuck his ugly deep brown eyes that captivates Chuuya helpless, fuck his ugly voice that echoes in every second of Chuuya's simp life, and most importantly, fuck Dazai as a whole.

Not that he want to take that literally but that's an another case—

And like any other romance stories, of course he has his own best friends that will give him terrifying advice that can mess the already messed up situation more. That being said…

"You're telling me that you woke up feeling in love and now you hate the feeling of being in love because you don't know if he loves you back, so you're being out of character right now and whining about the man you're supposed to be hating?" Lucy, one of Chuuya's best friends, asked again in clarification, and Chuuya (still blushing furiously since he's turning into a simp) nodded slightly.

"Yeah."

Right now, he's in his owned coffee shop with his friends Lucy and Higuchi. At least, the both of them are too early in the shop right now and since there are no customers yet, they're all talking about Chuuya's hopeless love life at the moment. Not that Chuuya started the conversation though. The two women saw him entering the shop spacing out earlier, cheeks still flaming red. Because they're such good friends, they pulled Chuuya into one of the counter's corners, imprisoning him for the interrogation, until Chuuya eventually told his besties about the unfortunate events happening in his life.

"But didn't you say just yesterday that he's a piece of shit and anyone who likes him is shitty as well?" Higuchi asked while munching the cookies she stole from the counter. Chuuya's too frustrated in his own emotions that he just lets Higuchi eat those cookies. He feels like he'll need some of those too later.

"Yeah." Chuuya repeated and blink a little hopelessly, "This is so frustrating since it'll forever be an unrequited love like some hanahaki fanfictions in ao3 where the writers keep on killing the characters with the plot of miscommunication!"

"How do you even know it's unrequited and why do you even read hanahaki disease tags in ao3 with a higher chance of major character death?" Lucy asked, completely disregarding the concept we called “fourth wall” and shook her head, munching cookies on her mouth, too, "Nevermind, I mean... what if—"

"Didn't you hear him calling me, and I quoted, 'Tiny slug with a tacky hat and chibified fashion sense,' yesterday while ordering his frappuccino!? He disrespected my precious, adorable hat and it’s a red flag! Does he sound like someone who, erm, likes me back?" Chuuya replied with his cheeks slightly puffing cutely from frustration. Higuchi and Lucy sigh, tired of not getting paid enough for this shit.

Chuuya silently screams as he remembers those words from Dazai, and his frustration increases when he remembers how he almost choked the bandage bastard to death after hearing those. How can anyone love someone who chokes them, right? Right?

Not in a kinky way but still—

"You wouldn't know he likes you unless you tried to test it out though." Higuchi stated logically while looking at the ceiling like she's thinking of something, "What I mean is, you can test if it's unrequited or not. When you get your answer at the end of the day, then you get to decide whether you'll move on or continue to pursue loving him."

Lucy chuckles and pat Higuchi's shoulders while nodding supportively, "For a blonde, you're quite reasonable."

"Elle Woods is a blonde and she's reasonable," Higuchi replies, rolls her eyes at Lucy's comment and looks back at the helplessly in love chibi in front of her, "So you're in or...?"

"Will there be any cute puppies getting harmed along the process?" Chuuya asked in a mere whisper and Higuchi laughed.

"Absolutely none!"

"Then I'm in," Chuuya nodded, not actually knowing the possible consequences of his words or what exactly is he entering himself into, "By the way, what exactly am I in for?"

It is Lucy's time to shine now. She gives Chuuya a playful but meaningful smirk, "Make Dazai Osamu jealous."

"HAH!?"

"Make Dazai Osamu jealous."

"WHAT!?"

"Make Dazai Osamu jealous."

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"Make Dazai Osamu jea—"

"I know, damn it, I heard you well!" Chuuya exclaimed as a glint of horror appeared on his increasingly red cheeks, "What do you mean make him jealous? Is he even capable of feeling jealousy? Why would he be jealous if he doesn't even like me in the first— oh."

Lucy nods proudly as Chuuya blinks into the realization. His mind is too horrified with the idea of making Dazai jealous. First, because he doesn't know if Dazai is capable of feeling jealous. Like there's some emptiness and unreadable thing in that man's eyes that Chuuya can't quite comprehend sometimes. Two, he doesn't know what he will do to make the man jealous. Three, that waste of bandages is incredibly annoying and he doesn't know if he can keep the act or whatever he needs to do firmly without bickering with Dazai. He loves (horrified screams of realizations) Dazai really bad but he's also a mythic piece of shit.

"That's right. If he's not jealous at all, then move on, Chuuya. It's inevitable sometimes for someone to not love you back and you can't do anything about it. But if he gets jealous and confesses to you eventually, go get married already." Lucy stated, she's now drinking some iced coffee that she probably won't pay later on but Chuuya's too lovesick to care for that again.

"Will this work?" Chuuya asked unsure and Higuchi straightened up before caging both his cheeks on her palm, squeezing it slightly like Chuuya's a sandwich.

"When have we ever messed up?"

"That time when you confessed to Akutagawa but found out he's gay so you dated his brother instead but found she's a girl, and now, you're—"

Higuchi pinches Chuuya's cheeks and Chuuya whimpers in pain. Women are violent! "Ok, but that's just one time and I'm happy with Gin, ok? Anyway, do you trust us?"

Chuuya blinks. Higuchi is still pinching his cheeks and he knows the woman will pinch him even more if he says no. So with a heavy simping heart, he nods. "Yeah, a little. Now, what should I do?"

The two women looked at each other and a playful smirk appeared on their lips like they were expecting this time to come anytime soon. Chuuya silently curses inside his mind. It's not even starting yet but he can already smell the aroma of trouble mixing with the smell of coffee inside the cafe.

—

"Operation Mackerel: 10 Ways to Make Dazai Osamu Jealous,"  by Lucy and Higuchi. All rights reserved.

Operation #1: Ignore him and be sweet to other customers (◠‿◕)

Chuuya knew that opening up his feelings to his friends can start chaos and now, he’s in that chaos. It is around 4:00 pm and he’s been doing the whole first operation as his friends created. After hours of serving for almost everyone else except the brunette man himself, Chuuya feels odd.

He blinked and took a heavy sigh as his grip on the cup of coffee tightened. A few meters from where he is standing, he can see a bandaged man sitting on his usual place near the corners a little far from most tables. Dazai's been a regular customer in Chuuya's coffee shop, Arahabaki, and the man would always stay there for hours, sometimes for the purpose of doing some paperworks, but most of the time he stays to annoy the redhead. Chuuya knows Dazai is a technical business analyst but more than that, he knows nothing about the man's occupation. Dazai's been visiting Chuuya's shop for a year now. He would often stay from afternoon until the shop closes— it's a long span of time for Chuuya to check him out further.

Like right now, Dazai is sitting calmly on his seat while facing his laptop. He's typing something on it and he's really focused with his job. He's also wearing non-prescription glasses for eye protection and his lips are calmly pressed against each other. He's wearing his usual white long sleeves and brown trench coat, and his hair falls perfectly messy on his head, highlighting the frames of his face. Chuuya sighed hard as he wants to punch himself for staring at Dazai like this.

Is it really a good idea to make someone jealous without even knowing if they're into you? He didn't even know if Dazai is into men!

Chuuya unknowingly stares at Dazai more while waiting for the coffee to blend perfectly and his heart almost drops when Dazai looks his gaze up and meets his eyes. Fuck. Chuuya pauses and freezes from where he is standing. He knows he should look away but he can't help stare deeply into Dazai's eyes. Those deep, brown eyes are tantalizing. Now, Chuuya’s determined to look away to avoid staring even longer but then, Dazai did the stupidest and sluttiest thing a man can do.

His lips curve into a smirk while staring at Chuuya... sexily. Ah, fuck him.

Chuuya's temper rises. His annoyance is indescribable and he hopes he's not turning red right now because of too many emotions lurking underneath his heart. Those emotions are probably anger. Damn it. Maybe Dazai really drugged him? These feelings are all weird! And Dazai... this bastard... he's annoying!

Chuuya caught Dazai's chuckles before he turned his gaze away from the bandaged man. He feels warm and hot, and maybe he should reconsider adding an additional air conditioner for the shop. It's summer and it's definitely hot. He took a deep breath and prepared the second Frappuccino that Dazai ordered before calling on Higuchi.

"What now?" Higuchi asked as she went back with a tray in her hands. Chuuya gives her a look that Higuchi is mostly familiar with and she immediately gets what Chuuya wants to imply, "Uh, you want me to deliver this to your favorite customer, again?"

Chuuya raises his eyebrows and he's thankful that Higuchi whispered the word 'favorite' earlier, "You told me to make him jealous." Chuuya mumbled quietly.

Higuchi nodded in agreement, "Alright. You got some point there. By the way, that man over there, Shirase, ordered a caramel mocha coffee. You can deliver his order to him. I'll make sure to not block the lovely sight of you flirting with someone else."

"I'm not going to flirt with anyone else!" Chuuya whispered and Higuchi just laughed.

"Good luck starting your tasks, Manager." She gives him a wink and Chuuya just sighs. He avoids looking at Dazai's direction before he gets the tray with Shirase's order.

Chuuya walked calmly over the aisle of chairs and he caught the way Dazai's eyes narrowed a little when he saw how Chuuya is holding another order that isn't his. Chuuya ignored the man before walking towards the silver haired man with lots of silver piercings and glittering watch. The man looked up to Chuuya as the redhead gently put down the tray on his table.

Be sweet to other customers.

Chuuya sighs and gives Shirase a sweet, bright smile. Shirase blinks innocently but he returns the smile as well. "You're new here." Chuuya starts but deep inside he wants to go back to the counter since he can feel something weird in the air.

Shirase stares into his eyes and Chuuya immediately feels a little uncomfortable, "If I only knew that they have a beautiful personnel here, I would have come earlier."

Chuuya remained smiling but this time, it got faker. This Shirase man is undoubtedly a playboy. Well, it doesn't matter. He needs to see Dazai's reaction. Now, how does he flirt back? How can he flirt back? How do people flirt back? Damn, he hasn't studied this at all.

"Nice. You look..." Chuuya paused and tried to think of some kind words, "...You look quite normal, too."

Shirase's smile didn't disappear as he nodded and his eyes dropped on Chuuya's name tag, "So Chuuya... I see. I'm looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow."

No fucking way. But instead of saying those, Chuuya just keeps his posture and sweetly brilliant smile, "Of course. See you."

Before Shirase can respond, he turns around and his eyes unknowingly look towards Dazai. This time, Dazai is looking at him calmly, completely ignoring his laptop’s screen. His lips are still pressed together normally but his eyes are... there are some penetrating daggers of gazes darted towards him. Dazai seems normal. He doesn't seem affected at all. That's too bad.

Is the first operation to make him jealous not working at all? Does it means that he didn't, even in slightest, like Chuuya at all?

With a little glint of disappointment in his heart, Chuuya walks back towards his counter and sits there quietly. Dazai already has his cup of coffee delivered by Higuchi, again. It's the second time he's not the one who delivers it personally to the brunette. Maybe Dazai threw some darting gazes earlier because of the coffee that he didn't deliver personally.

While Chuuya is lost in his own thoughts, Dazai starts making his way towards the counter. His eyes are unreadable but his facial expression is calmly penetrating. He stopped in front of the counter and looked at Chuuya. The latter paused from where he was sitting and raised his eyebrows as Dazai stood in front of him.

"Yes?"

Dazai's eyes stared deeply into him and started something that caught Chuuya off guard, "Did you become so small that your brain gets smaller as well?"

Immediately, Chuuya feels an annoyance rush over his veins. This damn piece of— rule number one: ignore him and be sweet with others. Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore this fucking waste of bandages.

Instead of raging angrily like what he always does whenever Dazai starts spitting trash out of his mouth, Chuuya calmly exhales, "What do you mean?"

Dazai's facial expression remained impassive as a small smile appeared on his lips, "Aren't you forgetting something, chibi?"

Calm yourself Chuuya, don't punch the hell out of this bastard. "What is it?" Chuuya asked blankly.

Dazai's lips pressed together and Chuuya sees the slow movement of the taller man's jaw as he stares at him, "I don't want my coffee."

Chuuya can't help how his eyebrows raise a little in annoyance. What did he mean by that? He did his best earlier to make the coffee taste extra special because it is this Mackerel who's drinking it!

"You're the one who ordered it." The redhead replied as he crossed his arms on his chest as a sign of annoyance.

Dazai didn't falter at the gesture as he blinked like a child ready to whine anytime soon, "I know but it tastes bitter."

"It is called coffee for a reason." Chuuya refuted and deadpanned.

The bandaged man looked at Chuuya with hopeful eyes, "I want it to taste sweet."

Chuuya's eyebrows curled in confusion since Dazai's not making any sense at all, "Then you should've ordered the ones with lots of sugar— actually, you ordered one with lots of sugar."

"I don't like sugar." Dazai stated like he didn't order tons of Frappuccino in the past. That coffee contains a lot of sugar. What is this bastard even implying?

"What the fuck?" Chuuya replied, annoyance starts getting over his head. He should ignore this man and avoid talking to him but right now, he can't help but bicker with Dazai like what happens in his life every single day ever since Dazai laid his feet in his shop.

"How can I get my coffee to taste sweet without sugar?" Dazai asked and veins on Chuuya's temples wants to explode because of this fucker's stupidity.

How did I even fall in love with this idiot?

"How the hell am I supposed to know!?" Chuuya's voice finally rises and his eyebrows raise as well.

"Chuuya, make it sweet!" Dazai whines like a child. Why is he even standing here on the counter instead of working by the way?

"No way! I can't do that! I already put the right amount of sugar in your coffee, you bastard!" Chuuya retorted. Damn it. He'll ignore Dazai tomorrow, for now, he has to deal with this shit. He's going to practice how to ignore this man.

Dazai paused for a second and a small smile plastered on his lips, "So you're the one who made my coffee?"

The one behind the counter tilted his head in a little confusion with what's the reason behind Dazai's smile, "Of course!"

"Then why does it taste..." Dazai looked into Chuuya's eyes for a moment, "...bitter?"

Chuuya snorted and leaned on his seat, hands still crossed against his chest, "Maybe your taste buds got uglier!"

"You wouldn't know it's ugly unless you saw it." Dazai stated while wiggling his eyebrows.

"I don't need to see it to prove you have a shitty taste!" Chuuya muttered back.

"How do you even know my taste when it's my taste?" Dazai asks back and Chuuya swears he's not getting paid enough for this shit, well he’s the manager so maybe that’s understandable.

"You're shitty so all about you is shitty, too!"

Dazai's eyes get gentler as he sighs like he's seeing Chuuya as some clueless child, "Ah, Chuuya, you're so judgemental." His gentle eyes stare at the chibi meaningfully, "You haven't even tasted my taste buds yet."

Chuuya blinks in confusion, "Dude, what the fuck?"

Dazai smiles cheerfully but Chuuya can see how that smile is pretentious before saying, "Say, Chuuyaaa~ You told me you're the one who made my coffee but why aren't you the one who delivered it?"

The weird thing is, despite how Dazai is smiling right now, his eyes are filled with seriousness and his voice is oddly calm in a dangerous manner. Chuuya feels an odd sensation running down his spine. He immediately looked away from Dazai.

"Why does it even matter?" He mumbles.

Silence. Dazai stayed silent for a few seconds before answering, "My coffee tastes sweet when you're the one who delivers it."

Damn it. Chuuya feels his breath tightened with those words and he can feel his annoying heartbeat slowly regaining its speed as it starts beating rapidly inside his chest. How can Dazai mess with his system like this? There's nothing special about the man (well, actually, everything about him is special but Chuuya won't admit that to himself), so why does his heart beat so weird with only this shitty Dazai's presence? Is he sick? Is this thing called love a heart cancer in disguise?

Instead of dwelling in this crazy feelings, Chuuya tried to act calm and responded, "How the fuck does that even works?"

Dazai chuckles, "It's a part of your chibi powers."

"My height has nothing to do with this!" Chuuya exclaimed, his cheeks puffing in cute little annoyance and it made Dazai chuckle even more for a moment.

"Oh?" Dazai's voice gets oddly calm after chuckling as he continues, "...So why do you deliver coffee to everyone else except me? Does it mean you're finally accepting the fact that I'm far more superior than you and you're choosing to be other people's dog instead?"

Chuuya's mouth parted upon hearing those words. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this walking mummy?

"HAH!?" Chuuya shouted and some people near them just sighed knowing they'll be hearing these familiar bickerings again for this supposedly silent day (they're already immuned to this but still...), "Are you fucking kidding me? Your coffee is already there, it is the one you ordered, there shouldn't be any problem with that!"

"I told you, it tastes bitter." Dazai responded in a stubborn tone.

"You're not making any sense!"

"So are you when you're literally smiling with that breathing disco ball instead of being a good dog and delivering my coffee to me." Dazai muttered and Chuuya's eyes narrowed in confusion again.

"What do you mean?"

"You're such an idiot, chibi." Dazai sighed in exhaustion and it made Chuuya angrier.

"You know what, I'm done with your shit. If you want a new coffee then order an another one and add income to my business." Chuuya stands up and starts blending another coffee for himself to calm him up from frustration and oddly weird sensation that he's getting from just talking to Dazai.

"I don't like bitter coffee."

Chuuya grit his teeth and look at Dazai with a deadly glare, "Then you should've ordered a cola instead! Shitty Dazai, this is a fucking coffee shop! What do you expect to order here? Rootbeer?"

Dazai gave him a meaningful gaze as he straightened up and put his hands on his trench coat's pocket before looking at Chuuya deeply.

"I'll be waiting for you at that table. Got it?"

Chuuya rolled his eyes, "Are you fucking bossing me around?"

Dazai smirks gently, "No, I'm just teaching my dog a lesson."

"I'm not your fucking dog!"

"Hmmm." Dazai hummed and took a small step closer to where Chuuya was standing. He leans a bit closer to level his face just a few inches away from the redhead. Chuuya's eyes widened a little and he can feel his heart beating really fast with what Dazai is doing right now.

"O-oi, you're being too close." Chuuya whispers and Dazai smiles at him meaningfully.

"If this is the game you want to play, make sure you intend to win, Chuuya."

Before Chuuya can even reply and ask what the fuck does Dazai even mean with that, Dazai take a step backwards and hums cheerfully before walking back to his table. He'll be waiting for Chuuya to deliver his next order himself. Chuuya, on the other hand, is confuse as fuck as he stands silently behind the counter— wondering what the hell did just happened.

This is absolutely the worst. Dazai is his usual self, messing with Chuuya with every possible time he gets. Does it mean the first step didn't have any effect at all? He doesn't seem jealous at all. Wait, how do you even know if someone is jealous? From the usual cringe romance movie that Chuuya watches from years ago, the jealous leading man would get angry and confess to whoever they're jealous with.

In Dazai's case... he's just... shitty and annoying. Nothing changes at all. Maybe this first step doesn't really work. He will still do it for a week before doing the next one in Lucy and Higuchi's list. Chuuya knows it is troublesome but there's no wrong in trying, don't you think?

Chuuya groaned in frustration as he realized how he added too much sugar in his own coffee. That damn Dazai! How the fuck did I ended up falling in love with such a shitty fish!? Argh!

>>>

Chapter Text

Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had... he thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish! But there's no way Dazai likes him back so in order to test that hypothesis out, there's a solution: make the Mackerel jealous. It is supposed to be an easy plan but... how could things get extremely chaotic?

CHAPTER 2: Bond with someone else in Dazai's scope of sight.

"Chuuya!" Higuchi exclaimed from behind and it makes the redhead look at her with a normal expression while he's arranging some cups. Higuchi has the widest smile plastered on her face and instantly, Chuuya can feel that something is about to happen again.

"What?"

"I realized that in order to bloom our business and make Dazai jealous, we should add a new promo in our cafe! It will be mind blowing, I swear."

Chuuya just raised his eyebrows as he waited for Higuchi's next words. Lucy, who just finished cleaning all the tables for tonight before the shop closes, also walks towards the two and listens to the rest of Higuchi's suggestion. Chuuya continued to arrange the cups and waited but Higuchi didn't say anything after that.

"New promo? What is it?" Chuuya finally asked after a few seconds of waiting and the slightly creepy smile on Higuchi's face remained.

"We'll make an exclusive Pocky challenge week promo! Whoever wins will get free coffee but in order to participate in the challenge, they must order a minimum of three coffees for a day! What do you think, manager?" Higuchi's eyes are smiling and Lucy sighs a little as if she knows what will happen next.

Chuuya tilted his head to the side curiously. Pocky challenge? He doesn't know what exactly it is, but he knows what pocky sticks are. Maybe Higuchi is suggesting a challenge where the participants need to consume a lot of pocky sticks. Not bad, honestly. If it's for the business, then it can be considered.

"If it's only for a week, maybe we can try it out. I don't mind." Chuuya replied while nodding in agreement. It makes Higuchi's eyes brighten.

"You will certainly thank me tomorrow for this, Chuuya! I'm going to make your love life inflate real quick!" Higuchi hugs the redhead tightly before walking towards the kitchen to work on her final tasks on making sure everything is settled there. Chuuya shrugged and straightened up after finally arranging everything while Lucy is standing next to him. The woman is looking at Chuuya with a meaningful gaze.

These people are really supportive to all these shits.

"It's been a week since you started 'Operation Mackerel'. For that entire week, you've been flirting with Shirase and bickering with Dazai at the same time. I thought you'll ignore him? You should ignore him, aren't you? What about that plan to make him jealous?" Lucy asked and sat on an island chair beside Chuuya.

Chuuya stops to think for a while. Well, Lucy is right. It's been a week since he started doing Operation Number One. Actually, Shirase's been coming to the cafe regularly now and he's been Chuuya's subject to make Dazai jealous though it never really work. Shirase's really clueless with what's happening and Chuuya's thankful for that. He can't get the man involved in this consciously since it's just a pain in the ass explaining stuff.

Chuuya sighed calmly and leaned on his chair, too. He's been trying to find any hint of jealousy from Dazai these past few days but it always ended up with Dazai being extremely annoying. The 'Be sweet to other customers' never truly worked since Dazai didn't seem to give a shit about that at all.

Chuuya remembers what happened on tuesday. He offers Shirase an extra cupcake to flirt pretentiously with the man, but then, Dazai walks in and just suddenly tripped on where Chuuya is standing, making Chuuya accidentally shoved the cupcake into Shirase's face. The icing filled the face of the poor man and Dazai just smirked a little after that.

"What the hell was that, Dazai?"

"My legs tripped on their own. Oops."

"Shirase's face is now filled with icing, what the fuck? Why did you have to trip over me!?"

"Oh? My bad. You're so microscopic that I didn't see you."

"Microscopic!? What the hell, asshole!?" Chuuya finally put the tray on Shirase's table (totally ignoring the man filled with icing) before tugging Dazai's shirt, pulling the man's face closer over him with a glare, "You fucking need to stop being a wimp. Take care of your annoying shitty self to avoid causing accidents here in my cafe, you mummified stick."

Dazai blinks at him with a small meaningful smile. It is as if he's enjoying how Chuuya is tugging his collar harshly, harshly in a way where he can't breathe freely, "Are you concerned over my precious body, chibi? How disgusting~"

Dazai's smiling while saying those words and it doesn't make any sense.

"Shut up! Who would care about your body? I told you, I don't want you causing ruckus in my cafe! At least be careful for fuck's sake. You're being annoying!"

"Oh? I also explained myself earlier, slug! You're being so small! I can't even see your little fingers on my clothes right now, they're very chibified."

"Oh? Want to see my small fingers choke you to death, you fucking—"

"Ah~ Chuuya's being kinky!"

Of course, Chuuya continues bickering with Dazai at that moment. Shirase is still shocked and depressed on the side after witnessing all these shits. The icing on his face is still sticky. The other regular customers are sipping their coffee in silence, unbothered. It's just Tuesday, just another day in the Arahabaki cafe with Dazai and Chuuya bickering as their background music.

Unfortunately, that's not the only time Dazai did something careless for the week. The day after that, Wednesday, since Chuuya won't deliver any frappuccino to the brunette, Dazai ended up annoying him in the corner and the man even brought his own laptop with him to sit next to Chuuya on the counter and work there beside the redhead!

"What the fuck are you doing here, asshole!?" Chuuya feels his veins popping out of his forehead and his heart beating a little faster when Dazai sits on the island chair beside him. The brunette even put his laptop on the counter with a playful smile.

"As the manager of this cafe, you should prioritize customer service but here you are, you refuse to deliver my frappuccino yourself again. I really need to teach my dog a lesson. I'm teaching you now, Chuuya."

"I don't owe you nor do I have the responsibility to serve you your own frappuccino. Now, why are you sitting here!? The customers who will order would be weirded out seeing you here with me."

"Sure they would. I'm such a handsome creature and I'm sitting next to a slimy ant-version of a slug. I can now imagine how they would freak out."

"Oh my god, Dazai, can you not fucking mess with my life for a fucking day?"

"Deliver my frappuccino yourself, then."

"Again, why the fuck would I?"

"Because you're my dog for life. Dogs need to obey their owners as they should." Dazai exhaled dramatically like he's tired. This bastard, "You're being very disobedient, Chuuya."

Chuuya massages his forehead and sighed in legitimate, no cap exhaustion, "No. Damn. Way. In. Hell."

Dazai just grinned like it doesn't bother him at all, "Fine by me. Then I'll stay here beside you until you decide to be a good dog of mine and follow your owner again." He winks at Chuuya and goes back to his laptop to work calmly beside the raging redhead.

Chuuya ignored Dazai's presence beside him and continued to accommodate the customers. The one's ordering eyes on the brunette like, 'What the hell is he doing here in the cashier area?' but Chuuya ignores them as well. He lets Dazai sit beside him for hours— definitely not because he wants to sit beside the brunette himself, but because he's too lazy to tell this stubborn man to get the fuck away. The two of them sit beside each other with Dazai focused on his laptop and Chuuya focused on the customers and Dazai. His heart is beating weirdly but he's content with such sensation. There are also moments where Dazai would just throw some insults about him and of course, he would retort as well, and another batch of bickers follows that.

The customers who are immune to the shits they are hearing just sips their coffee with calmness. It's just Wednesday, just another day in Arahabaki cafe.

One more thing, yesterday, which is Friday, Chuuya gave Shirase his usual bright smile as the man gave him a small sheep keychain. Shirase said that it is from the keychains that his friend is selling and since he already has his own keychain, he brought one for Chuuya as a gratitude for Chuuya's kind treatment to him and the other customers except Dazai.

The keychain is really cute and so Chuuya hangs it near his nameplate. The sheep is very small as it looks perfect on the side of his nameplate.

However, when Dazai sees it...

"That sheep looks small but Chuuya is smaller. It's really awful. I've been seeing small, chibi, pint-size specimens every day." Chuuya glared at him as he put the Frappuccino that Dazai ordered on his table with a calm demeanor.

"Listen here you bandaged wasting mackerel," Chuuya started and crossed his arms in annoyance, "You can be tolerable if you'll only shut your annoying mouth for once. Just once."

"Wait, I hear someone talking but all I can see is a sheep on a nameplate. Where did that voice come from? Why does it sound like it's coming from a little fairy?"

"Hah!? It's me, Chuuya, you piece of shit!" Chuuya exclaimed and Dazai blinked before looking at him. The bastard even looks dramatically shocked after gazing at his eyes as if he finally sees Chuuya.

"Oh, Chuuya!---" Dazai's eyes brightened but he suddenly looked depressed, "---Naaah, it's just you."

"The fuck do you mean by that!?"

Dazai waves his hand as if he's shooing some small unseen fireflies, "Can you not talk to me? I'm busy breathing right now."

Chuuya's jaw dropped. He really didn't know how he fell in love with this person, "You're the one who starts the fight first!"

"Oh? I did? Ah, I guess I can't help talking to you now, can I? It's such an eyesore seeing two chibi's in front of me. Oh? Where did that additional chibi even come from? Someone give it to you? How funny. People actually give slugs like you gifts? Ew."

"First of all, this sheep is very cute! Second, so what if people give me cute stuff? It's not your fucking business, is it? Third, my day is undeniably ruined after talking to you right now."

"Same. My day is definitely ruined by just seeing you standing so small in front of me right now, too. This is the worst day of my life seeing you again— this really is the worst!"

"You say that everyday!"

"Because every day I see you and my day turns into the worst day imaginable. It's gross and it's definitely bad for my health since your chibi virus is infectious."

"Fine. Talk to your frappe, I can't deal with your shits now. Argh." Chuuya turned around, annoyed, but then Dazai said something that made him freeze for a while.

"Oh. By the way, I almost forgot. When I'm walking down the streets earlier when I hadn't seen you yet and my day was filled with a refreshing non-chibi virus, I saw this thing in the garbage bin and I remembered you. Here." Dazai gets something in the bag that's always with him.

Chuuya's eyes widened a little when Dazai pulled out a cute plushie of a sky blue colored slug. It is huggable. It looks new and fluffy, too. Before Chuuya can say anything, Dazai throws the plushie at him and he almost trip catching it. Yes, the plushie is really soft and it smells good as well. He wants to give Dazai a death glare for throwing the plush at him but his heart is now beating weirdly again after having the plus on his arms.

"You can have that since you're also a slug." Dazai muttered and looked at his coffee as he averted his eyes from Chuuya.

Chuuya's lips formed into his usual cool smirk, "You sure this plushie is from the garbage bin?"

"Yes. Take that slug and share your chibiness with him." Dazai replied, still averting his eyes from Chuuya, and the redhead grins and chuckles.

"Ok, if you say so." He smiles again as he stares at the plushie, "Thanks, I guess?"

"Yeah. That plushie is bigger than you and the sheep, too. He can be the big one for the three of you." Dazai says and Chuuya immediately feels annoyed again but the small warmth and giddiness stays in his heart.

Because...

Dazai gave him a cute plushie! This is not a drill! Dazai fucking give him a cute plushie. It may be a slug plushie, but it doesn't matter since it is Dazai who gave it to him. It feels great. It feels good. Chuuya doesn't realize that his face turns slightly flushed as he turns around and walks away. He also didn't realize the way Dazai's lips crept into a small genuine smile as he saw Chuuya's flushing face.

The customers who witnessed those shits again remained silent. It's just Friday, and seeing the two bicker or flirt without them even knowing is just another day in the Arahabaki Cafe.

"Hey, Chuuya, back to reality!" Lucy snaps her fingers and Chuuya blinks cluelessly. He's been spacing out as he remembers everything that's been happening for this week.

All in all, Dazai has never shown any hints of jealousy for the week and the first operation is undeniably a failure.

"The first plan didn't work," Chuuya mumbles and Lucy sighed in exhaustion like she can't believe Chuuya at all, "But I know the second one will— or I hope so."

The paper where the steps to make Dazai jealous are written had gone missing but thankfully, Chuuya memorizes all the plans and so he knows what the second one is with all his heart.

"Oh my god, Chuuya. Why do all the main characters need to be so oblivious in these types of things?" Lucy groaned and sighed again, "Anyway, since you agree with the Pocky challenge that Higuchi suggested, you might as well participate in it tomorrow."

Chuuya blinks innocently, "I'm not into consuming lots of sweets though."

Lucy chuckles, "Let me guess, you don't know how that challenge works, don't you?"

Her voice is very teasing and it holds a lot of meaning. Chuuya remained seated on his seat as he stayed silent. He doesn't know how the pocky challenge works and he doesn't need to know since it doesn't seem harmful at all, "All I know is you eat pocky in that challenge."

Lucy smirked a little, "Oh yeah, yeah. Not wrong though. You just eat the pocky. You really need to participate in that challenge tomorrow." Chuuya just shrugged and ignore Lucy's smirk.

Chuuya just sighs. He's tired now and he wants to go home and hug his slug plushie so he just shrugs Lucy's statements off.

Well, he wishes he asked more about it because right now...

"Operation Mackerel: 10 Ways to Make Dazai Osamu Jealous,"  by Lucy and Higuchi. All rights reserved.

Operation #2:  Bond with literally anyone else in Dazai's scope of sight  (◠‿◕)

"Are you ready for the most feisty, most sexy, most mouth watering, jaw dropping, pocky challenge of the century!?" Higuchi suddenly asked in excitement and everyone in the cafe look at her with a 'why-the-fuck-can't-we-drink-normal-coffee-today?' look. Higuchi didn't realize that since she continued, "I know you guys are excited! I am, too, so you better participate. We have exciting prices for the possible winners!"

Silence. Everyone is silent and it makes Chuuya want to facepalm. He's at the back of the counter as he lets Higuchi manage whatever that needs to be managed. When he looks on the corner where Dazai is always sitting, the brunette is working on something in his laptop with some headphones on his head. He's probably ignoring everything around since he looks calm and serious while working right now.

"The winner gets a free coffee!" Higuchi exclaimed excitedly.

The costumers just blinked awkwardly.

Higuchi's eyes blink in delight as she inhales deeply, "Free coffee plus Tengu Dazai and Shutendouji Chuuya poster cards and free soukoku doujinshi link in pixiv... with english translation!"

Now, every customer shouts excitedly. Higuchi nods in satisfaction. Chuuya's jaw dropped in return after hearing that. Dazai, who is still having his own world typing stuff on his laptop and headphones at the corner, continues to ignore the commotion.

What the fuck did I just hear? Tengu, who? Shuutendouji, who? Pixiv doujin, what?

"Great! Now, before you guys gets crazy with the prizes, let me just tell you the mechanics of our game. First, our game is a pocky challenge. You need to find your partners and do the challenge with them. Whoever wins will end up moving to the next level. It's a matter of elimination until the last one standing remains! Now, gays and straights, and non-binaries, and bitches, are you ready?"

Everyone cheered.

Higuchi faked a cough, "For the registration requirement, you must buy at least three coffees for today to participate. Now, are you ready to palpitate and win!?"

Everyone cheered with excitement again.

They really want the translated doujins and the poster cards.

Just like that, their coffee sold out for the day as the customers started drinking lots of it. Chuuya decided to just enter the kitchen to stay there for a while. He also needs to check the condition of the pastries so he just stayed there for a moment.

After a while of palpitation, emotional breakdown, and sugar rush experienced by the Arahabaki Cafe customers (at that day, they face utter internal destruction for the sake of victory— the internal destruction talks about the result of their three cups in a row coffee intake and such). The people inside the cafe are ready for the challenge. Dazai remained silent on his laptop, still on his headphones as the game began.

When Chuuya gets out of the kitchen, he stops and sees almost all of the customers doing a non-lips to lips but almost lips to lips challenge. There are a bunch of long pocky sticks and they are biting it at each side. Higuchi is nodding proudly at the side and when she sees Chuuya, she gives the man a proud nod and thumbs up.

Chuuya learns that the objective of the game is to be the first person to reach the center without breaking or dropping the stick. Each player nibbles slowly, being careful not to bite too quickly or drop the stick. The first player to quit loses the round. If both players continue nibbling on the stick and meet in the middle then the players will kiss and the result is a tie. The game continues until the winner is decided.

Fuck.

Chuuya is shocked as he sees people almost kissing to win. He even sees Shirase doing the pocky challenge with someone else. His eyes immediately search for Dazai and he doesn't know why he feels a slight relief in his chest when he sees Dazai sitting in his usual seat, still busy on his laptop. He's certainly ignoring everything that is happening around him.

"Hi, manager. How's it going?" Lucy suddenly appeared beside him and Chuuya gave her a confused look.

"What the fuck is this game?"

"Pocky challenge."

"Yeah, why are they almost kissing?"

"Because it's a pocky challenge?"

"How the fu—"

"You better starts playing too, Chuuya!" Lucy started with a creepy smile on her face, "I bet you'll love it."

"Hah!?"

Chuuya can't imagine himself doing that challenge. He doesn't back out from any challenges but having people get close to him in that proximity is uncomfortable so it's less likely he'll participate Huguchi's antics today.

He sees Lucy fix her braids and apron, "You told me you'll play."

"When did I?"

The redhead woman sighs and pat Chuuya's shoulders in a motivating manner. Lucy is now ready for an inspirational talk, "See, it's in the Operation Mackerel number two," She continued with a whisper, "You have to bond with people within Dazai's scope of sight. Doing the pocky challenge with others can help you bond with them. You got to do this, Chuuya, especially now that Dazai doesn't seem interested in anything else. One more, you might win the prizes— you'll love the poster cards and doujin, I swear. It's a win-win."

Chuuya considers for a moment but then, he realizes something.

"I haven't... I'm..." He stopped for a while. He hasn't kissed anyone before so he's a little uncomfortable with the idea of his first kiss getting accidentally happening here, "It's weird." Chuuya finally stated, pushing the possible accidental tendencies away from his head.

Lucy put both of her hands on Chuuya's shoulders with an empathetic gaze, "Do you trust me, Chuuya?"

Chuuya exhale calmly and answered, "Lucy you literally imprison people inside your playroom with creepy huge dolls that chase and attacks people in a hide-and-seek way—"

"Argh! That was in the canonverse, people change, ok? And we're in a gay fanfic written by a gay author and read by gay readers. The tags also say 'Alternate Universe - Coffee Shop' and 'Alternate Universe - No Powers'. Duh. You have to submit." Lucy replied and Chuuya sighed before looking around. The people are either kissing, throwing up, or still in the game.

"Tsk. Fine." Chuuya finally stated as he straightened up, "Let's do the challenge first."

"E-eh?" Lucy suddenly stuttered. Chuuya gives him some seconds as he gets a single pocky stick. It is longer than usual.

"Come on. Just lose or something. I don't want to do it with others I don't trust much." Chuuya answered in a cool manner and Lucy is amazed by how sexy Chuuya is. If only she hadn't had a crush on Atsushi, one of the employees in this cafe who is temporarily on a month-long vacation, she would have dated Chuuya instead.

“Ok. Can I request something though?”

“What is it?”

Lucy grins in a villainous manner, “Let’s make the game longer,” Chuuya’s about to ask some questions but Lucy immediately intervenes, “Listen, Manager, aside from winning for the translated doujin, our main goal is to make your Dazai jealous. We have to act as if there’s feelings while we’re doing this. Can you do it?”

Chuuya blinks unbothered, “The shitty bastard is such a pain in the ass. Ok.”

Both of their eyes steal a glance at Dazai who's still busy with his laptop and oblivious (or maybe he knows but he's ignoring it) to what's happening. Chuuya’s eyes linger in Dazai’s calm face right now. His lips are gently pressed with each other and he’s wearing his usual tan trenchcoat. Lucy elbowed the man to start the challenge.

"Ok, Chuuya, let's do this. Since we're both redhead or ginger or whatever people call our hair, we don't do straight stuff ok? Basically we're besties on a mission so no strings attached. Redhead powers."

"As if I'll fall for anyone other than someone brunette. No fucking strings attached. Redhead powers."

"That's the spirit!"

They start biting each end of the pocky and because Chuuya is facing towards Dazai’s direction, he can clearly see if there’s any hint of jealousy in Dazai’s face once he and Lucy get closer.

Lucy starts biting her portion, and Chuuya bites, too. Lucy takes another bite and so does Chuuya. They keep on taking small bites alternately and their faces are almost close to each other.

That’s when Dazai raises his head from his laptop only to see that scenery.

Chuuya freezes and he immediately gives Lucy a ‘he’s now looking at us’ look. Lucy nodded a little and bit a portion, making their faces closer.

That’s when Chuuya and Dazai’s gazes met. Lucy is tilting her head a little to give Chuuya a better view and from such an angle, Chuuya sees how Dazai remained calm while looking at them. His face is in its usual emotionless, blank look while he’s staring at him. Chuuya takes another bite and their faces are an inch away. Dazai remained impassive and calm.

Chuuya's heart suddenly aches a little. This isn't working at all. Again.

Lucy sees a glimpse of pain from Chuuya's eyes and she exhales in defeat before she pulls away, surrendering. Chuuya wins but he doesn't feel that at all. He sighs as he averted his eyes from Dazai to look at Lucy.

"Did it work?"

"No. His facial expression is blank and emotionless, just the usual." Chuuya mumbles underneath his breath and Lucy's eyes narrowed in slight acknowledgement.

"Maybe he's not showing it explicitly?"

"Or maybe he's not really capable of feeling 'jealousy' at all." Chuuya answers immediately and eats the entire pocky in his mouth. Lucy just pats his shoulders.

"You're going to give up now, Manager?"

Chuuya's eyes suddenly change into something that is filled with hope, "Absolutely not! If this second operation will not work, there's still 8 to go. I can manage such."

Lucy smiles in support, "That's the spirit."

Higuchi sees that everyone is done with the first round so he immediately walks in front and announces something again.

"You guys should know that we're basically baiting gay people here hahahaha what hahahaha so since there is a lot of illiminated folks, deserve by the way, let me just congratulate the gays that won. Now, get ready for round two because when we suck hard, life sucks us harder."

"What the fuck?" Chuuya mumbles.

"It's a motivational quote." Higuchi winks and continues, "Let's get the pockied!"

Lucy chuckles and starts leaving Chuuya's side to serve the losers some coffee and tissues. Chuuya sighs when he sees Dazai back on his laptop again, but this time, he's not wearing any headphones anymore.

Argh, there's no use doing this. That mackerel didn't care nor was even interested in this. Chuuya feels as if he's running in circles. There's no improvement whatsoever in Dazai. He's not even showing hints of jealousy for the past days. Maybe Dazai didn't truly like him? A sudden squeeze appears on Chuuya's heart but he tries to ignore it. There's still a lot of things that he needs to do. He disgustingly loves Dazai so maybe he can manage it and—

"Uhm..." Chuuya's thoughts are cutted when he sees a pink-haired woman standing in front of him. The woman is pretty cute but what caught Chuuya's attention is the fact that he's taller than her, "...Can we do the p-pocky challenge, Chuuya-kun?"

Oh. Chuuya remained calm, "Why?"

"It's just that... I want to do the challenge with you. I'm a friend of Shirase, and he would always tell us how this cafe has a nice manager. When I saw you earlier, I thought that you're nice. I'm Yuan, by the way. Please do the pocky challenge with me." Yuan even bows a little and her cheeks are blushing while looking at Chuuya.

Chuuya steals a very short glance at Dazai, but like earlier, the brunette is ignoring him again so he exhales thinly and gives Yuan a cool smirk.

"Go on."

Yuan screamed silently as she showed Chuuya an another stick of pocky. She puts the other end on her mouth and Chuuya tilts his head and leans forward to bite the other end in a calm manner. Instantly, Yuan's face turned redder. Chuuya just smirks sexily as he bite a small portion of the pocky. Yuan did the same thing, too.

Bond with someone within Dazai's scope of sight, huh?

Chuuya bites again. Yuan bites, too. They did alternately until their faces got closer. With his usual confident eyes, Chuuya looks at where Dazai is sitting and there, he can see the mackerel staring back into him with more... narrower and blank gaze.

Because Chuuya hates the fact that he's damn in love with Dazai and he can't do anything about it, he gives the brunette a sexy smirk while staring into his eyes with a pocky on his mouth. He sees the way Dazai's eyebrow raises deliberately and the way the man's jaw clenches slowly.

Chuuya remains staring at Dazai, completely ignoring Yuan who's he's doing the pocky challenge with before he takes another bite. This time, their nose almost touches, and Dazai's eyes get narrower.

Is this damn Dazai annoyed that I get to have a pretty girl near me instead of him? Is he annoyed that he has no bitches and I have a girl here? Does he want a beautiful girl to do the pocky challenge with!?

Chuuya averts his gaze from Dazai as a stung of pain visits his heart again. Damn it.

Yuan finally pulls away with very red cheeks, "Thank you so much for doing the challenge with me, Chuuya! Oh my god." She covers her face and turns around, simping so hard like most of the readers here who have Chuuya inside their braincells 24/7 rent free.

What was that?

Chuuya sighs and leans on the counter with his hands in his pocket as he looks at everyone. Some are having emotional dilemmas, some are palpitating for the second time, some are back to their own businesses sipping coffee like a gangster. Nothing new. It's all the same.

Chuuya sighs before going to the kitchen again. Higuchi is now announcing that this round will be the semi finals but he didn't give a damn now because Dazai didn't even care. He just stayed inside the kitchen, checking and arranging pantries for a while. It took him a few minutes before he got bored.

Maybe he can just watch the finals unfold and see who'll win? That seems interesting enough.

And so, Chuuya went back to the area and the semi-finals for today are over. He just calmly sat on his counter and when he finally decided to make himself some coffee, Shirase immediately approached him with an excited grin. It makes Chuuya's eyebrows raise.

"Can we do the challenge?"

Oh. Shirase's the winner for the semi-finals. Nice.

"Are you gay?" Chuuya asked back with his usual expression and the other man blinked nervously.

"No, I'm very hetero." Shirase replied with gay confidence and Chuuya just nod before he stands up in front of Shirase.

"Do you read and watch Bungou Stray Dogs?" Chuuya whispered and Shirase gulped.

"Yes."

"Gay and depressed as fuck." Chuuya mumbles before he pats the man's shoulders, "Alright. Let's do it."

Shirase's eyes brightened as he prepared a pocky stick. Since Dazai doesn't really care, Chuuya might as well win this challenge and get some stuff to read for stress and heartbreak release later.

Chuuya stands closer in front of Shirase. The man is already biting the other edge and leaning forward, waiting for the redhead. Chuuya, unbothered by anything, leans closer towards Shirase to bite his part of the pocky but when his lips are about to touch the stick, he feels a presence behind him.

Cold, intimidating, suffocating, and... annoying.

"This game is rather weird, don't you think, slug?"

Instantly, Chuuya feels his blood boils because why the fuck is Dazai intervening now? Why right now when he has decided he'll win this challenge to read doujin later? Dazai doesn't care and Chuuya's sure that the man is just there to annoy him and make him lose the finals!

Chuuya turns around to face the brunette and his breath stops mid-airway when he sees how close Dazai is. His head almost bumps on Dazai's chest, and when he looks up, Dazai is staring down at him in a very close proximity.

To say that Chuuya was stunned is an understatement.

"Who..." Chuuya whispered, gulps, and blinks to get himself back, "...Who the fuck are you calling slug now, you stinky fish!?"

Shirase, with a pocky on his mouth, looks depressed as he sees Dazai again. That man's been causing hell in his life for the past few days now. Shirase eats all of the pocky before talking, "Why do you keep on appearing like a mushroom everytime?"

Dazai's teasing grin remains as he looks at white-haired man "You don't want to see me?"

"If possible, yes." Shirase answered bitterly after remembering the shits he's been through.

"Great!" Dazai smiles widely, but it's absolutely fake, "Then please do yourself a favor and pluck your eyeballs out of your eye socket. Thank you very much."

"Tch!" Shirase muttered underneath his breath. He's about to rebut when Chuuya suddenly talks in a temperance manner.

"Dazai, we're going to do the pocky challenge now, you're being a distraction here." He's saying those as calmly as he can because he's this close to punching Dazai now that he's about to achieve the rewards for winning the final round.

"Oh? I pity this disco ball for having to go through the unfortunate circumstances of playing with a chibi like you." Dazai replied and Chuuya breathed to calm himself and not fully explode right now.

"Shut up, will you?"

"Make me."

"Why are you even here!?"

Dazai stopped for a while as his teasing grin slowly turned into a meaningful smile.

"Let's just say, I have a very kind heart."

"Hah!?"

Dazai looks at Shirase and points at him with a lazy gaze, "You, disco boy, would you mind yeeting yourself out of this planet and save yourself from the disgusting chibi disease of this hatrack?"

Shirase blinks with the name disco boy but Chuuya rolled his eyes and grit his teeth like a dog ready to devour a meat.

"Chibi disea— oi, what the hell are you talking about? I'm playing with Shirase!"

Shirase finally moved on from the disco boy nickname as he nodded bravely, "Yes, Chuuya's playing with me."

Dazai dramatically puts his hand on his chest and whines, "Ah~ What a truly heart wrecking scene seeing an innocent disco ball get mutilated by the awful slug that he's partnered up in this pocky challenge."

"Why the fuck do you even care?" Chuuya finally asked while crossing his arms.

Tell me you're jealous, Dazai, or you simply care. Anything near those answers will do.

Chuuya waits for Dazai's response but the man just chuckles teasingly and looks at Chuuya with his normal annoying look.

"I told you, I have a kind heart today and I'm just saving this man over there from your disease." Dazai points at the man behind Chuuya.

Chuuya finally turns around from Dazai to look at Shirase and apologize for this inconvenience when Shirase starts talking.

"I told you, I am Chuuya's partne—"

Chuuya feels a sudden unexplainable dark and suffocating atmosphere behind him where Dazai is standing and Shirase's face suddenly paled in terror. Shirase's eyes widened a little and his mouth parted in fear. Chuuya's eyebrows curl in confusion before he turns around to look back at Dazai who is smiling playfully and innocently.

Huh? What happened to Shirase? Did he see a ghost or is Dazai just too ugly?

"C-Chuuya, I think I n-need to go for now. S-see you tomorrow."

He blinks in confusion. Why is Shirase stuttering? "Wait, what's wrong—"

Before he can finish his words, Shirase is now sprinting outside the cafe as if he's seen something very terrifying. It's as if he's running for his life. It's as if Shirase has seen a man who has committed 138 counts of conspiracy to murder, 312 counts of extortion, and 625 counts of assorted fraud, among other crimes. Chuuya follows the man with his eyes and blinks again with what the fuck just happened. It's weird.

"Poor little chibi, you're so small and ugly that people actually run away from you," Dazai started from behind him and Chuuya's about to kick his ass when Dazai continued, "Be grateful. I feel rather kindhearted today so I can probably spare you my precious time and be your partner for this final round instead."

A moment of silence.

Chuuya froze.

Dazai gives him his usual lopsided smile.

It takes a second for Chuuya to finally speak and he curses himself silently when he stutters, "P-partner? Y-you? Here!? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Dazai looks painfully unwilling as he dramatically sighs in exasperation, "Oh how I wish I'm kidding you, but this is the worst since I feel like I have no choice. I'm very soft-hearted and whenever I see microorganisms less fortunate than I, my tender heart starts to bleed—"

"You fucking—"

"—Shh, you poor unfortunate soul with no partner. I'm doing the bare minimum here because I'm just naturally kind." Dazai smiles and looks at Chuuya with teasing gazes of pretentious sympathy.

Ok, fuck Dazai as a whole. No cap. Period.

And fuck my heart for falling for this piece of bandage.

Chuuya takes a deep breath to act maturely because this bandaged man in front of him is far from acting mature. He put his hand on his pocket like a usual badass and gave Dazai a small glare, "So you're partnering up with me?"

Dazai nods with a fake sad expression, "It might sound very gross and disturbing, but yes."

"Ah." Chuuya muttered and pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Fuck."

"Language." Dazai smirks as he stares at him, "It's fucking bad to curse especially to handsome and kindhearted people like me."

"You just curse yourself, you bastard!" Chuuya replied and got a single stick of pocky before walking back to where Dazai was standing.

They look into each other's eyes and when Chuuya's about to start, Dazai cuts him off, "Do you want me to lean down or will you tiptoe to touch my lips?"

"Touch your what!?"

"Chibi, you really need to clean your ears. I'm so tall and you're too small. I might get a back pain leaning on to your level. Oh, if you want, I can sit on a chair while you sit on me." Dazai smirks teasingly and Chuuya feels his heart rioting inside his chest.

"Oi, quit that! Yer making me feel sick!" Chuuya's not lying at all since he can feel as if Dazai's words can give him an unfortunate heart attack.

"Yeah, yeah. I feel sick saying that, too. Whatever." Dazai mumbles and leans towards Chuuya's face with a gentle gaze, "Come on, open your chibi mouth and put it in."

Chuuya blinks innocently before glaring at Dazai, "Stop sounding so weird saying that!"

Dazai just chuckles as the pocky challenge starts.

Lucy and Higuchi are both on their seats as they look at Chuuya and Dazai doing the pocky challenge. The two men are glaring at each other. Higuchi is smiling wide while Lucy is nodding like a proud mom. Everyone else around are either drinking their coffee while ignoring the gayness in front or some are just too traumatize to see some live shows now.

Dazai leaned down closer to the chibi as he bit the other end of the pocky. Chuuya did the same thing, too, and he felt an odd tingling inside his chest with their closeness. Chuuya bites a small portion of the stick, and Dazai bites a small portion, too.

Closer.

Chuuya bites, Dazai bites, Chuuya bites, Dazai bites. They're doing it alternately but in a very small portion to longing the game. Every bite increases Chuuya's heartbeat. Everything else around feels blurry as his hands start turning cold. Chuuya can almost hear his own heartbeat and he just realizes now how he loves Dazai so much (no matter how stressing it might sound).

Closer.

Dazai doesn't seem bothered at all. His eyes remained calm as he bit his portion. Chuuya tries to analyze and observe the brunette but he can't scrutinize an explicit emotion in the man's eyes. He's just calm and comfortable. Chuuya's eyez twitch a little. Playing pocky with Dazai is different from Lucy or Yuan. Right now, something is odd. It's as if Dazai has no intention to surrender.

Closer.

Chuuya's breath hitched when their forehead finally touched. Their noses are almost touching and their lips... oh shit. One fucking bite and their lips will touch. Chuuya blinks as he starts panicking internally. He's not nervous at all, why the fuck would he be nervous? But being with Dazai right now and doing things like this with Dazai is different. He can't control his emotions and he feels like he'll faint anytime soon.

"Your turn." Dazai whispered with a pocky inside his mouth and Chuuya's fist clenched.

If he takes his last bite, he'll win.

But their lips will touch.

It's really a win-win. All he has to do is bite that last part of pocky.

Chuuya's heartbeats are so loud that he can't hear other things right now. It wants to explode. He can't also think straight but the intense internal battle with what he'll do next echoes inside Chuuya's head. What would happen next if he were to kiss Dazai? Will it do any good? Will Dazai start being uncomfortable with him? Will Dazai hate him for actually kissing him?

He might win... but at what cost?

He can't lose this piece of fish no matter what happens.

Dazai is leaning at him and they can feel the warmth of their breath at each other. Chuuya barely manages to realize that he's already gripping on Dazai's shoulders because his knees are weakening. One fucking bite. Just one fucking bite...

Chuuya cuts the pocky in his mouth with his teeth and finally takes a step backwards, surrendering. Dazai's warmth against him disappears and Chuuya can feel his heart squeeze tight as he pushes Dazai away. He doesn't care about their surroundings right now but his fists are shaking and his heartbeats are still too loud. He can't focus.

"What a shame, chibikko." Dazai smirks teasingly but disappointment is visible in his voice.

Chuuya wants to bicker but no words come out of his lips. He's still trembling a little as he tries to speak, "I-I... I need..."

He can't finish it anymore. Chuuya suddenly turns around and runs towards the kitchen to hide from Dazai and calm his heartbeats. The customers who witnessed it are dumbfounded. Dazai was left silent at where he was standing and was announced as the winner.

The pocky challenge for today is finally done. Everyone also witnessed two oblivious people pinning and flirting shamelessly in the place. They are traumatized but they ignore it nonetheless as usual.

Well, seeing Chuuya and Dazai obviously flirting is just another day for the Arahabaki cafe~

Meanwhile, in Chuuya's mind while he's stuck in the kitchen...

What the fuck was that? Did he just partnered up just to win over me!? We like competing with each other and he has another win now! Why did Dazai like being annoying and why do I like loving him? What the fuck? Fucking heart stop beating so damn fast! Did he hear it? The loud beats? Shit! But Dazai won't care, right? He wouldn't care at all! He's not even jealous in the slightest as he sees me doing the challenge with the others.

Chuuya screamed in silence.

Does this mean that the second operation fails again? Damn it!!!

>>>

Chapter Text

Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had... he thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish! But there's no way Dazai likes him back so in order to test that hypothesis out, there's a solution: make the Mackerel jealous. It is supposed to be an easy plan but... how could things get extremely chaotic?

CHAPTER 3: Double Fucking Trouble

"You're coming home tomorrow!?" Those are the words that echo inside Chuuya's room as his grip on his phone tightened excitedly, "No way, damn it, that's awesome! I'll fetch you at the airport!"

He hears a soft chuckle from the other line, "You don't have to. I know you need to do something in the cafe tomorrow. I can manage."

"The cafe is closed tomorrow. It's Sunday, remember? One more thing, I think I should be a good brother for once, don't you think so, Verlaine-nisan?" Chuuya asked and he could feel his brother smiling even from miles away. Chuuya leaned on his headboard calmly as he heard the response from the other line.

"You've matured well, Chuu. I'm proud of you." Verlained replied gently, "But I have things to work on with tomorrow after I get to the country. If you want, you can join me. I’m going somewhere after landing in Japan."

Chuuya blinks, "You think I can come with you? Where exactly?"

"I'll be meeting an old friend of mine. But I'm afraid I won't be able to speak the language fluently since I've been residing here in France for the past five years. I think you can also take a rest from having all the responsibility at that cafe. You need to unwind for a while."

"Uh, you want a translator or something?" Chuuya chuckles, "No problem. I've been too busy with a lot of stuff in the cafe lately. Maybe I can lay low for tomorrow." Chuuya remembers all the mess that's been happening with Dazai for the past weeks, “Alright, nisan. But at least let me wait for you in the airport. I can’t wait to see you again.”

Verlaine's warm and gentle voice chuckles again, "Fine, I’ll see you in the airport tomorrow, brother, and that's great, Chuu. I can’t wait to spend time with you, too. I'll tell my friend that you're coming with me. His name's Rimbaud, by the way. I'm sure you'll like him."

Rimbaud. Hmmm. Chuuya narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "May I know why this friend of yours must meet you the first day you get into this country, nisan?"

"Oh. Uh. We've been friends for years now. Maybe you should meet him and see how great of a person he is." Verlaine replies in a little nervous tone, but Chuuya just giggles knowingly.

"Wow, it sounds very non-heterosexual."

"I'll be averting all the allegations." He heard Verlaine laugh on the other line and that’s when Chuuya realized that he misses talking to his older brother, "I'll see you tomorrow, Chuu."

"Yes. See you, too." The call ended.

Chuuya is in his room right now while calling Verlaine, his older brother. Verlaine's been staying in France for five years now and after all those years, he's visiting Japan tomorrow for probably months. His older brother is a chef in a fancy french restaurant so he has also been busy for the past years. Chuuya can understand why it took years to actually come back to his hometown. Aside from Verlaine, Chuuya also has an older sister named Kouyo. Kouyo is the eldest among the three of them, and the most intimidating. Kouyo’s been an achiever all her life and she’s very gentle, though she can also be scary whenever she’s angry. Unlike Verlaine, Kouyo is staying in Japan and she shares the house with Chuuya. Although the woman barely stays home due to her busy job as a doctor. Right now, Kouyo's in her shift so Chuuya's all alone in the house, as usual.

Among them, Chuuya's the only one who takes care of the Arahabaki Cafe. It is the business that their parents left them before they passed away. Chuuya doesn't mind it at all because aside from the Cafe is cool (and he loves working there), he also admires a lot of memories in the cafe. One of them is staying there when he was a child and having to get spoiled by his siblings. Chuuya is blessed to have such wonderful people with him. Though he wishes he can spend more time with Kouyo and Verlaine. His older siblings are always so busy and workaholic, he can’t blame them because he too is always busy.

Anyway, he hugs Mackerel (the slug plushie) as he falls on his bed. His body is a little sore today as he just came home from the cafe. It’s around 10:00 pm. An hour ago he came home and took a warm bath to soothe his exhaustion. Their house (since he and Kouyo are living together) is a two story one. It is spacious and it also has a modern exterior and interior design. The house is comfortable and cozy in every aspects. The floor is made up of marbles and there are a lot of paintings hanging around the clean, white walls. His room is quite spacious and fancy, too, like how he wants it. There's a cabinet filled with different hats and coats. His bed is large because he likes sleeping messily.

In summary, Chuuya's a little tired right now. It’s not because of what he is doing in the cafe, but rather, a certain someone tires him out bigtime. Especially today since earlier in the cafe, he's doing everything to ignore Dazai with all his strength. Too bad, not interacting and bickering with the brunette increases his exhaustion more and it’s fucking funny how it turns out like that.

See, yesterday is the end of the pocky challenge week. Everyday he's playing pocky with Dazai and it becomes a sort of competition between them. The competition in question is no other than “Who gets to win the pocky challenge more!” The annoying thing about that is the fact that Chuuya’s neglecting the second operation in the list to make Dazai jealous, which is to bond with someone else. It wasn’t taken into action since he ended up partnering and bonding with Dazai instead for the whole week! The summary of the week goes like this (because the author is too fucking tired and sleep deprive to write an entire descriptive paragraphs of two gay people obviously pining and flirting with each other).

Day One: The messed up pocky day challenge as what you read in the previous chapter. It is the first time they played pocky and it ends up with Chuuya being a blushing mess. Dazai: 1, Chuuya: 0.

Day Two: Shirase hides away from Dazai and doesn't even ask Chuuya to play pocky with him which made Chuuya questioning what’s wrong. Some people start asking for Chuuya to play with them but even before Chuuya can even answer, the people would pale up as an incredibly sinister feeling starts flowing within the cafe. That happens every single fucking time. Chuuya thought that maybe it's because of the air conditioner. So in the end he ended up playing with Dazai again because the man challenged him on who can win the most in their pocky game. Surprisingly enough, Dazai is the only one who didn’t get pale or terrified playing with him. Is it because Dazai is a fish? We’ll never know. Chuuya, with fire to defeat Dazai and not to homoerotically kiss the man, agreed. The game ended in a tie because the pocky stick broke. Dazai: 2, Chuuya: 1.

Day Three: This time no one dares to ask Chuuya to play the game with them and Chuuya knows something is seriously wrong. He makes sure he smells nice and he takes a bath so why would people refuse playing with him? What exactly is happening? He just shrugs it away and since Dazai is always willing to play with him nevertheless, he’s stuck on playing with Dazai again. They do the pocky once more and Chuuya manages to win when he suddenly gets captivated with Dazai's eyes and thus he softly touches the brunette's cheeks, making Dazai suddenly bite and snap on the stick. It's accidental but Chuuya just smirks after that. Dazai stayed frozen for a second (probably because of gay panic or maybe because he got defeated) with a slightly parted mouth as he can still feel the warmth of Chuuya’s hand on his cheeks. Dazai: 2, Chuuya: 2.

Day Four: Because Dazai thought that what Chuuya did from the previous day was intentional, he takes the game to another level. When their face was almost close, he held Chuuya's waist and pulled the man closer to him, making Chuuya's eyes widened with the sudden closeness. The redhead feels his oxygen leaving his body with how his body is pressing into Dazai, and the man is shamelessly doing it to win! Chuuya tries to remain calm but before he almost succeeds, Dazai pinches his waist, making him flinch, and cutting the pocky. Dazai wins the round with a lopsided smile, and because of annoyance, Chuuya ends up smacking his head.. Dazai: 3, Chuuya: 2.

Day Five: Things get heated up and Chuuya realizes that to win this, he needs a strategy. So, what he did is pin Dazai on the counter as his hands seductively chokes the man while doing the pocky challenge. Dazai smirks, aware of what Chuuya is doing so he pulls the redhead closer, making Chuuya almost sit on his lap. While doing the definitely not erotic pocky challenge, he hears conversations of the costumers near them.

"The fuck, are they making out?"

"No, they're just eating pocky."

"They look like they want to fuck anytime soon— and in front of our coffee and cheesecake!"

"No worries. They're straight."

The said straight people in question had both of their faces very close to each other and Chuuya's still choking Dazai erotically while now sitting on the man's lap. Absolutely, there’s no homo stuff occuring in the challenge, just two guys doing fun challenges and all. Chuuya wins when Dazai almost faints because of the loss of air. Dazai: 3, Chuuya 3.

Day Six: (The last day). What the customers witnessed is totally traumatizing. The two men are actually fighting for dominance right now, with blazing stares, and touchy hands. At first everyone thought that the two would finally kiss and tie up, but Chuuya suddenly pulled Dazai's hair harshly and Dazai did the same to Chuuya. Basically, the pocky stick got cutted in half so their scores ended up tied. The costumer thought that they can finally breathe a fresh air with less gayness in the atmosphere, but damn, they’re wrong. Because instead of finally letting go of each other and agreeing that they are tied, the situation ended up with Dazai and Chuuya bickering non-stop while still tugging each other's hair like some kids.

"You fucking fish, how dare you use the same conditioner as me today!?"

"I'm the one who used it first, you cute little fairy!"

"Hah!? You're using a minty olive conditioner yesterday, how the fuck did you change your brand now!?"

"Oh? So Chuuya's sniffing my hair without me knowing? How terribly creepy."

"Oh shut up!"

"Your hair is so smooth like the skin of a slug and it smells like fresh apple candies. Are little fairies really like this!?"

"Are you smelling my hair right now, bastard!?"

Their bickering continued nonstop but the customers ignored them completely. They use the two men's voices as their background music while sipping their coffee like veterans who witnessed bloody war everyday. It’s normal in Arahabaki cafe~

Those are what happens and Chuuya just want to fucking rest right now. Earlier, since the challenge is no longer there, he asked Higuchi to work on the frontline while he stays in the kitchen, obviously hiding from Dazai because he realizes that he acts so clingy and close in front of the man for the past days. He needs to make Dazai jealous but it's not working, and right now, he's been bickering with Dazai more than usual. That's a sign that this is all falling apart!

Dazai might hate him more.

So fuck Dazai, Chuuya works on the pastry kitchen for the whole day, only getting outside to deliver some coffees to the costumers and such. He also brings Dazai's his frappuccino before running away from the man to avoid bickering with him more than usual. He needs to seriously ignore Dazai.

Starting today, he will fucking ignore Dazai.

"You decided to meet with Rimbaud in an ocean park!?" Chuuya exclaimed and laughs when Verlaine smiles apologetically, "Wow, nisan, that's fucking gay." Chuuya laughs again as put his hand in his pocket.

"Chuuya, watch your language." Verlaine replied calmly.

Chuuya just grinned since his brother didn’t deny how meeting a friend in a dating spot is gay at all, "Anyway. Why here though? Is this a date and I'm a fucking third wheel? Aren't you tired with your flight?"

Verlaine arrived a few hours ago and Chuuya made his promise to fetch the man in the airport. There's a lot of chatting, and hugging (from Kouyo's side) and sipping tea later on. After some hours of resting, Kouyo told them that she'll be off for her shift again so Chuuya and Verlaine decided to go to the meeting place to meet with Rimbaud which is an ocean park. Right now, the two are waiting for Rimbaud in the entrance while still in the conversation. Verlaine looks cool with his usual blue turtleneck long sleeves underneath his black trench coat. His hair gets longer from how Chuuya remembers with lovely braids on the side. Chuuya, on the other hand, is wearing a white corset shirt at the top with a black fitted pants. He also tied his orange hair in a low ponytail and he wore his black choker as usual.

"No, I've rested well enough. I also brought you here because I know you'll enjoy the place, Chuu." Verlaine stated as he pats Chuuya’s head like a kid who’s been brought to an amusement park.

"I'm not a kid!"

"I didn't say you are. But you're still my little brother." Verlaine's gaze softens at him and Chuuya wants to vomit with the word ‘little’. Though, since he loves Verlaine, he just lets it slip. He’s sure that if Dazai is the one who says that, he would’ve kicked the man without any hesitation.

"Seriously, this place is cool and all, but don’t think I’d enjoy it here because it’s an ocean ark and there are fishes everywhere. I don't like fishes." Chuuya mutters and leans on the wall like a badass with his arms crossed.

Fish...

I don't like fish...

I don't fucking like mackerels.

"You don't like mackerels? Why? They're tasty and I've cooked a lot of dishes involving mackerels in France before. Customers love them." Verlaine stated and Chuuya's eyes widened. Did Verlaine just hear his thoughts aloud? Did he unknowingly whisper his thoughts aloud?

It is all Dazai’s fault.

Chuuya faked a cough as he tried to reason out, "Mackerels are overrated and stinky." The image of Dazai grinning flashes over his mind, "...and annoying." He stated finally before sighing.

Verlaine blinks innocently, oblivious to what or who Chuuya is pertaining to. He's about to reply when he sees Rimbaud arriving from afar with someone else with him. Chuuya, in the other hand, is too focused on his own thoughts about Dazai, that fucking mackerel, he swears he won't ever see him again or talk to him again. He swears he’ll ignore him with all his heart.

He swears to the other species of fishes that from now on, he will be very serious in ignoring Dazai. He will ignore the man whatever happens—

"Oh, Chuuya, meet Rimbaud. Rimbaud, this is my brother, Chuuya." Chuuya's thoughts suddenly cutted as he lifted his eyes up only to see a tall man wrapped in a scarf with long, wavy balck hair. Chuuya’s sure that it isn’t winter yet but Rimbaud is wearing very thick clothes and an earmuff. He’s also wearing thick gloves. His eyes are gentle and warm. In an instant, Chuuya knows that Rimbaud is a kind person. Oh, so this is Verlaine's friend...

He was about to give Rimbaud his usual bright friendly smile, but then his eyes unconsciously darted on the man standing next to Rimbaud and immediately, Chuuya felt his jaw drop to the floor. The man is standing with a slightly surprised expression on his face as well. His wavy chocolate brown hair is still as perfect as ever, and his eyes are like brown sapphires dazzling with the reflection from outside. The man is wearing a simple black hoodie and white leather jeans. Despite his outfit, rolls of bandages are visible from his neck downwards. Without a warning, Chuuya’s heart starts squeezing giddily inside his chest and he knows that feeling so well whenever he sees Dazai.

"Holy shit." Chuuya whispers. Both Verlaine and Rimbaud blinked simultaneously from what the redhead stated. Chuuya, on the other hand, give the person next to Rimbaud a very deadly glare, "What the fuck are you doing here!?"

The surprise on Dazai’s face was immediately replaced by a half-lidded gaze and small lopsided smirk, "For a slug, your brain's a little functional aren't you? What are you doing here? Are you stalking me, chibi?"

"Stalking— what the fuck!?" He looks at Verlaine who seems clueless with what's happening, "Verlaine-nisan, why is Dazai here? I thought we'll be meeting only Rimbaud?"

"Well, Chuuya-kun…Dazai is my brother and I think since Verlaine is bringing his brother, it's better to bring my brother as well so that you won't feel out of place." Rimbaud immediately intervenes with a very polite tone, contrary to his fishy brother spawned of a demon, "I think I don't have to introduce Dazai anymore since you seem to know him well."

Shock plastered over Chuuya’s face again. Just when he finally decided to ignore Dazai with such seriousness, the brunette was standing there in front of him! Why the fuck did the universe hate him so much? He needs one fucking day to be out of Dazai’s scope of sight. Just one fucking day. With those words from Rimbaud, Dazai looks at Chuuya, and Chuuya looks back at Dazai.

They both blink awkwardly before looking away from each other.

"It's a good thing you brought your brother here,” Verlaine suddenly replies with a smile to cut the sudden unexplainable atmosphere in the air, “They seem to bond like good friends."

Dazai and Chuuya both choke on their own saliva, near to vomiting.

"The fuck? He's not my friend!" Chuuya exclaimed and glared at Dazai again but the brunette just raised his eyebrows teasingly before looking at Verlaine.

"There's no way a small chibi like him can be a friend of mine."

"Who are you calling chibi now, you Egyptian mummy cosplayer!?"

"Oh? Getting original, aren't we? Shrimp."

Verlaine and Rimbaud caught each other's gaze as they gave each other an apologetic smile. They didn't expect that their brothers would know each other and in this kind of term. For a moment, they didn’t say anything as they inevitably listened to their younger brother bickering nonstop.

"You're so small, you can be some food fish!"

"Oh? Since you're a bandage bastard, you can replace sea foams to its finest!"

Before the two can bicker for the entire day, Verlaine wrapped his arms around Chuuya's shoulder, same as how Rimbaud wrapped his arms around Dazai. That gesture suddenly makes their brothers halt for a moment but the two younger men are still glaring at each other.

"We can enjoy this day in silence. Be good to Rimbaud's brother, will you, Chuu?" Verlaine's voice is calm and patient, but Chuuya knows he's silently pleading there. Chuuya feels a little apologetic since all he can do right now is not cause any more trouble for Verlaine but he’s doing the exact opposite of such.

Chuuya groans heavily but he knows that if he were to bicker with Dazai, Verlaine might get extremely exhausted trying to stop them. His brother just landed after a lot of hours in the plane, the last thing he wants to do right now is tire Verlaine so much. Plus, this is a reunion with his friend, Chuuya doesn't want to ruin it for his brother. Rimbaud is kind as well so Chuuya wants to do Rimbaud a favor for his kindness through being a little kind to the man’s younger brother.

"I'll try my best," Chuuya mumbles silently as he gives a small deadly glance to Dazai, "I'll try to be good at that fish."

"What about you, Dazai?" Rimbaud asked his brother as he squeezed his brother's shoulder as a sign to be well-mannered. Dazai seemed to get the message as he exhaled boredly.

"Ok. I won't cause you trouble." Dazai replied while staring at the chibi. Chuuya sighs. Dazai seems to be on good terms with his brother, too. That’s good.

Damn it, now I can't ignore Dazai for today.

The four of them go inside and Verlaine starts being too preoccupied talking to Rimbaud since they enter. Chuuya and Dazai are walking together a few meters behind their brothers with sulky expressions. It's not awkward but since they promised to not bicker for the peace of their brothers, they are silently walking next to each other while looking at the fishes. No one is speaking for now as they let the noise from other people around serves as their white noise. Chiuya's heart wants to explode with Dazai being next to him right now but to stop the silent atmosphere, he speaks.

"Oi." It comes out undeniably soft that even he is shocked. Dazai just gives him a side glance as Chuuya continues, "Oi, Dazai."

"Oh? The little fairy is talking to me." Dazai pointed at himself with a small grin and it made Chuuya roll his eyes, "What do you need, chibi?"

"What do you know about their relationship?" Chuuya asked and they both look at Verlaine and Rimbaud talking and smiling casually away from them, totally ignoring that they have their brothers with them right now.

Dazai blinks and shrugs, "Hmm. I don't know. They're probably in a relationship or still in the mutual pining stage." Dazai observes the gesture of the men in front and he sighs knowingly, as if he seems to realize everything already, "They're in a relationship."

"Wha—" Chuuya's eyes widened before it narrowed down. He looks at Dazai who is now standing beside him with hands in his pocket, "Verlaine and Rimbaud are gay?"

"...and European." Dazai mutters, Chuuya scoof.

"Don't fuck with me." Chuuya growls and puts his hands on his pocket like a badass as they walk side by side, "So... they're really on a date right now. Aren't we intruding on something if we were to… y'know, go wherever they wanna go?"

"Chuuya! Your sluggy brain is functioning well today, what a miracle—ow!" Chuuya smacks Dazai's head and the brunette just gives him a meaningful lopsided grin, "But having a sluggy brain aside, you're right, chibi. We might disturb their little date if we were to tail them around. Since we are here, do you want to just leave them alone by themselves?"

Chuuya thinks for a while. Of course it's better to just leave Verlaine and Rimbaud alone. They need to have a chat. But that only means he'll be alone with Dazai for today and it's entirely coincidental. He didn't plan being with the man at all and it seems like Dazai also didn't know they'll meet here. With a lowly (fake) disappointment tone, Chuuya gives Dazai a short glance.

"Now, what?"

"Now... what?" Dazai repeats and blinks innocently as if he isn't a menace at all, "Oh, don't tell me you want to go on a date with me right now instead, Chuuya."

"Shut up, bastard. I'll kill you!"

Chuuya feels his face warmed up, then followed by his blood vessels popping after a second because of annoyance. He wants to strangle Dazai right now (not in a kinky way, thank you very much), and make the man shut up from saying nonsense. Because why the fuck would he want to date Dazai right? It's not like he dreams of it, or fantasizes about it, no, ew, but why would he date this damn epitome of a fish?

"Fufufu, what about your promise and I quoted "I'll be good to that fish" then? Don't tell me the little fairy can't keep his squishy chibified promises?" Dazai smirks and Chuuya's cheeks want to puff out because of how annoyed he's getting at. He should really go to a therapist and talk about how he should manage his anger issues more.

"I will not be able to stop myself if you're going to be so damn shitty!" Chuuya exclaimed and with a violent exhale, he grabbed Dazai's collar harshly, making the brunette pause with the sudden contact. Chuuya stares into his eyes as he tug Dazai down to level with his gaze, "You're fucking coming with me right now and if you won't shut that fucking mouth of yours, then I'll fucking feed your guts to the sharks here. Do you understand?"

Dazai blinks and his lips curve into a small smirk, "What an awful day. Now, I'm going to be taken and kidnapped by a small hatrack."

Chuuya grit his teeth and let go of Dazai's collar. He put his hand back in his pocket and turned away from where Verlaine and Rimbaud were walking. Chuuya calmly walks in a separate direction before tilting his head back at Dazai, "If you don't want to, then fine by me. Go fuck yourself."

He starts walking away and within a matter of seconds, a talkative and annoying mackerel is already tailing him. Ah, it will certainly be a long day.

After agreeing to leave their older brothers alone, Chuuya and Dazai start spending the day with each other. They start visiting the oceanarium, and Chuuya is amazed by the different creatures of fish that he sees swimming freely in the water. There are fishes everywhere and while walking slowly to indulge the view, Dazai would state random facts about them about the fishes that they are seeing. Chuuya secretly enjoys hearing those facts because the fish are too cool and he doesn’t mind Dazai being talkative if it means he can gain knowledge from the man’s words.

"Did you know that Angelfish can grow to nearly 10 Inches? On average, well-cared angelfish will reach about 6 inches at adulthood, and that adulthood means they are about a year and a half old. If they are housed in very large tanks and are not overcrowded, they can reach nearly 10 inches." Dazai stated calmly. The atmosphere inside the oceanarium is calming and Chuuya is staring at the fishes with bright eyes. It made Dazai smile softly while staring at the chibi.

Chuuya’s eyebrows curl a little in curiosity as he stares at the beautiful angelfish in the aquarium, "Really?"

Dazai nods, "Yes, though angelfish turns more territorial and aggressive as they mature. For this reason, it's usually better to house them in a separate tank as adults. They also become aggressive with each other, which usually occurs during breeding times. Males can fight with other males over mates, and females can be aggressive when protecting their offspring from other male and female fish looking for a snack."

Chuuya blinks again, fascinated by the things Dazai is randomly spitting. For a loudmouth, Dazai is indeed intelligent.

"Look. That one is arapaima, one of the world's largest freshwater fish species. These giants can grow up to 15 feet long and weigh up to 440 pounds, though fish that big have not been reported for many years. More commonly, they’re about six feet long and 200 pounds."

"It's really large." Chuuya agreed.

Dazai pointed at another one, "And that's flatfishes. Flatfish are masters of camouflage, thanks to their ability to mimic the various colors of the ocean floor. The fish expand and retract their chromatophores—pigment-containing cells—to quickly change color if threatened or stalking prey."

Chuuya blinks excitedly again, clearly enjoying learning things now, "Why are they flat?"

"About a month into their development, the fry undergo a metamorphosis: Their skull shape begins to change, and one eye begins to migrate over the fish’s head to join the other. They’re just flat upon their development."

"That's awesome, Dazai!"

The light in Chuuya's eyes soften Dazai's gaze as they walk within the oceanarium filled with fishes. They are taking their time enjoying the scenery around and they are both silently indulging themselves into that enjoyment.

"What about that fish that looks like chainsawman?" Chuuya added curiously and Dazai feels warm with the genuine curiosity from the chibi.

Dazai chuckles and explains, "That's a largetooth sawfish. This shark-like fish is a predator. As they grow up, they feast on crustaceans, like prawn, and eventually fish. Sawfish use their rostrums to activate a “sixth sense” that detects electric fields.”

"Woah, you know a lot about fish." Chuuya suddenly mutters with sincere amusement.

Dazai met people who got bored easily with the facts that he’s sharing when he was young, a lot of them, and that’s the reason why he feels glad when Chuuya is nodding excitedly and amazed by the facts that he is sharing.

"I found something about sea slugs and I realized I should read stuff about your kind of creature." Dazai grins and Chuuya punches his arm, it was not hard though but Dazai manages to let out a dramatic gasp of pain.

"You're just telling that to me so that I won't be suspicious of you being a mackerel and gossiping with those fishes to get those facts." Chuuya laughed and Dazai joined him. They continue to walk around the oceanarium, talking, bickering, and laughing like friends.

After the walk around the oceanarium, the two of them start visiting an ocean park plushie store. Chuuya realizes that he should bring Kouyo something when they get back so he searches for cute plush stuffed toys. Dazai is following him while whining about life, “Chuuya, wanna jump in some aquarium later and drown?”

“No way,” Chuuya replied immediately while his eyes were still looking at the cute fluffy stuffed toys around. He knows that Dazai is suicidal and he often talks about those tendencies through joke. It’s a very sensitive topic for the brunette so Chuuya makes sure to choose the right words next, “You’ll pollute the aquarium within a second. That’s dangerous for the fishes who are minding their fucking business.”

Dazai giggles, “Fufufu, so if there are no fishes, you’ll gladly die with me?”

Chuuya sighs and gives Dazai a sincere look straight into his eyes, “No. I’d rather pull your fucking ass out of the water and save you from dying.”

“Chuuya, you’re so sweet!” Dazai smiles and Chuuya just rolls his eyes. He lets his hands rest inside his pocket while still walking around and he pauses when he sees a blue mackerel fish plush. It is very fluffy and huggable.

He grins and without a second thought, he gets it for Dazai, “Here.”

Dazai stops from whining as his eyes look confused at the stuffed toy that Chuuya is handling him, "What's that?"

Chuuya sighs and smiles as he shoves the plushie on Dazai's chest and Dazai's eyes slightly widen when he stares at the soft fish that Chuuya just gave him, “That’s you. You’re too fishy and you need this plush to share your fishyness with. You can also hug that if you ever feel like jumping down a body of water. If you ever feel like drowning yourself, imagine how that fish felt drowning in dry areas just to be cuddled by you.”

If you ever feel suicidal, please hug him.

Dazai freezes for a second as he seems to realize what Chuuya is portraying. A small gentle smile suddenly appears on his lips, “This…” He paused and looked at Chuuya, immediately concealing that gentle smile with a teasing smirk, "Are you proposing to me, Chuuya?~"

"The fuck!?" Chuuya suddenly steps back and rolls his eyes, "You gave me a slug plushie! I should return the favor by giving you what resembles you the most." He whispers those. For now, he needs to divert the topic from Dazai’s suicidal tendencies into something lighter. He can feel that the bandaged bastard is still uncomfortable about such a topic.

"But this plush is cute, am I cute in your eyes, then?"

Chuuya scoofs as his heart beats fast with the softness in Dazai’s tone. His eyes look at the man and the shitty Dazai is giving him a puppy look. Chuuya fights the urge to punch or pinch Dazai’s cheeks right now. He will never admit that he finds Dazai cute. Never.

"No, you look like shit." Chuuya whispers, his voice surprisingly soft, "Stop using that kind of puppy eyes on me, you're not cute in the slightest, Mackerel!"

Dazai grins and observingly looks into Chuuya’s face, "Oh? But a lot of women like me. How am I not cute?"

Chuuya raised his eyebrows. A lot of women like him, too, but this isn’t a competition so he won’t brag that to this bastard, "Yeah, maybe you're using a voodoo doll to seduce women through dark magic?"

"What about men?" Dazai suddenly asked and it made Chuuya tilt his head a little in curiosity.

"Men?"

"How do you seduce men naturally, Chuuya?" Dazai asked and Chuuya froze for a second. He’s seducing men? There are certainly some men who confess to him in middle school, but how did Dazai know he can attract men? He blinks and mutters a 'tsk' before going to another product.

Aside from the mackerel plushie, Chuuya also bought a cute red octopus plush for Kouyo and yellow squid plush for Verlaine. Dazai, teasingly, bought two black beanie hats with cute fish embroidery. Chuuya's shock when Dazai suddenly walks in front of him and puts the beanie on his head without breaking an eye contact. The brunette is also wearing the same beanie with the same smug lopsided smile.

"What... was that?" Chuuya whispers breathless as Dazai stands close in front of him, both hands still at the side of his head.

"We match." Dazai mumbles in a slow deep voice and turns around before checking other products. Chuuya was left dumbfounded with a beanie on his head.

Because he's competitive, he bought a matching bracelet with beautiful fishes as beads for him and Dazai. He immediately walks beside the taller man, and grabs Dazai’s hands. The brunette was unable to speak for a moment as Chuuya gently put a bracelet around his wrist. This time, it is Dazai's turn to go dumbfounded. Chuuya looks up to meet the man’s gaze, and he just gives Dazai a small smirk.

"It's..." Before Dazai can continue, Chuuya immediately cuts his words.

"We match." Chuuya winks, and it catches Dazai off guard. Before the brunette can protest with how Chuuya is teasing him, the smaller one starts walking out of the store. And like earlier, Dazai tailed him again.

After walking around for hours, they decided to go to a seafood restaurant within the ocean park. The walls are made up of huge aquariums and it feels like eating inside the ocean itself. As they sit down, they realize that Verlaine and Rimbaud are entering inside, and their brother's eyes widen when they see Chuuya and Dazai getting along. With a meaningful smile, Verlaine and Rimbaud walked towards them and sat on the same table with them. Chuuya froze when Verlaine sat beside him while Rimbaud sat beside Dazai who remained calmly emotionless with half-lidded eyes.

"We're glad to see that the both of you are finally getting along." Verlaine stated and Chuuya just sighs.

"No, actually, I'm close to cooking that mackerel." Chuuya replied with a small look to Dazai and Verlaine blinked with amusement.

"Come to think of it... didn't you just say earlier that mackerels are overrated and stinky... and annoying? Are you referring to Dazai-kun himself, Chuu?"

Dazai raises his one eyebrow teasingly, "So the slug's talking about me behind my back, huh?"

"Shut up, this ain't about you!" Chuuya exclaimed and their older brothers just sigh knowing that every conversation between the younger two might result in bickering again.

The waitress arrived and they ordered food. They all ordered seafood pots and after that, they talked about how their free time went out. Rimbaud is the one who starts talking. He told the younger men what happened in the past hours and how they are a little shocked when Chuuya and Dazai aren’t following them earlier anymore. After that, he gives further details to what he and Verlaine did afterwards.

"...We fed crocodiles earlier and took a small calming rest in a fish spa. The water is so cold." Rimbaud stated. Chuuya and Dazai's eyes meet and they blink simultaneously before shrugging. It seems like they can communicate within their eyes.

"They're gay."

"Yeah, absolutely gay."

"The world is indeed small, Rimbaud. I didn't know that our brothers know each other as well." Verlaine replied and Rimbaud smiled at him softly.

"They really seem like great friends."

Chuuya chokes on his soup and tries to avoid the topic about him and Dazai. He also avoids looking at Dazai, "How did you guys even met?"

"I met Rimbaud five years ago. He's a poet visiting in France and he tend to stay on a restaurant at very late night because it's raining too hard. That time, he's the only remaining customer and he's trembling from the cold so I offer him a coat. That's where we start our conversation and become friends." Verlaine answers with a fond look on his eyes. Chuuya also caught the way a small flush occurs on Rimbaud’s cheeks.

Chuuya and Dazai's eyes met again. Like earlier, they communicate through their gaze. Despite how loud they bicker against each other, their eyes can understand each other so well.

"They're boyfriends."

"They're definitely boyfriends."

"I often visit France to meet with Verlaine once in a while. He's a great person. Now, I'm glad that he's visiting Japan for now." Rimbaud responded.

"Ah yes. We're glad, too. Verlaine has been too far from home for years." Chuuya nodded and took a drink from the wine he ordered, “It’s also good to know that my brother values someone in this country aside from his family.”

Rimbaud smiles softly but then he suddenly asks something in response, "So how did you and Dazai-kun meet, Chuuya-kun?" Rimbaud asked and Chuuya almost choked on his wine. He met Verlaine's calm gaze saying, 'Be polite to him, Chuu.'

With a small voice, Chuuya replied, "He's a regular customer at the Arahabaki, my cafe." He looked at his soup and continued, “He always stays there and he’s very annoying but since he’s adding income to my business, I let him be.” Upon hearing that, Rimbaud looks at Dazai with a small, curious gaze. His eyes are asking something through look but the brunette just ignores the look from his older brother.

"But I'm always treated with violence. How awful." Dazai replied dramatically and Chuuya gave him a glare.

"That's because you're so annoying, bastard!"

"Oh? You love spending the whole day bickering with me though. I knew you'd miss me if I won't be annoying to you, Chuuya."

"Listen here, you little shit—"

"Alright, alright, that's enough,” Verlaine immediately cutted, “You two really sound like a good... friend."

"He's not my friend!" Chuuya exclaims.

"I have no intention of being friends with a slug like him." Dazai agrees.

"But you two are wearing matching beanies and bracelets. What's that supposed to mean?" Verlaine asked calmly and curiously as his eyes landed on the bracelets that Chuuya and Dazai are wearing.

Chuuya froze and Dazai just smiled.

"I-It's a symbol of rivalry." Chuuya mutters and Dazai smirk teasingly.

"The cute bracelets don't look like they're for rivalry." Verlaine smiles at his brother and Chuuya’s gaze narrowed at him.

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Let's see..." Rimbaud mutters this time as he seems like he’s thinking of something thoroughly, "You look like a loving couple."

Chuuya finally lost it as a vein pop on his temple. Dazai pauses as well with what his brother says. The atmosphere suddenly changes. Chuuya hears alien domination and the world is falling apart with what Rimbaud stated. Unconsciously, all the blood in his body raised up to his face as Chuuya’s eyes widened. Verlaine sighs and Rimbaud is innocently looking at the two.

A beat.

And then...

"What the fuck—"

"There's no way chibi and I will—"

"—That's so disgusting! Being eloped with a fish is so fucking disgusting!"

"—be a couple because he's a slug!"

They say those words at the same time and Verlaine chuckles gently. Rimbaud also smiles. Chuuya glares at Dazai with his heart beating fast and Dazai glares back at him (but the brunette's glare is softer). Chuuya can’t explain what he is feeling right now nor what exactly is happening. From the third person’s point of view, they might see what’s happening around the table as a double d-d-date.

"Alright. Calm down. That is just what it looks like but we're not actually saying that you are already a couple." Verlaine stated, "Though you guys have this unique chemistry between each other, that’s why..."

"Verlaine nii-san!" Chuuya exclaimed, his face turning red and he could no longer hide it. Dazai is just smiling from where he is sitting. He’s not even doing something to contrast what Verlaine is saying.

"You guys can eat. It's getting darker and I think we should all visit a movie to end the day." Rimbaud stated with a smile. Chuuya silently thanks Rimbaud for ending such a weird topic.

They all agreed.

The movie went great. Except for the fact that Chuuya gets the unfortunate event of sitting next to Dazai. Verlaine and Rimbaud are silently watching the movie but Chuuya can't truly focus on the movie since Dazai is stealing his popcorn! The brunette has his own snacks but he keeps on eating Chuuya's food which makes Chuuya glare at him.

"Stop stealing my food, Shitty Dazai." Chuuya whispers in an angry tone. He can’t fully bicker with Dazai here since he doesn’t want to disturb the other viewers.

Dazai suddenly steals the popcorn again before popping it into his mouth with a small smile, "Make me." Dazai whispers back stubbornly and it makes Chuuya's teeth grit in anger.

The movie continues with Dazai still eating Chuuya's popcorn. Even when Chuuya's shoving his hands away, the brunette eats it nonetheless. He tried doing things like distancing his food but Dazai always finds a way to sneak and eat some. Chuuya's annoyance rises to the highest level but he doesn't want to bicker here to avoid disturbing the other movie watchers so with anger, he pinches Dazai’s side making the brunette yelp. Verlaine and Rimbaud give them a ‘what-the-fuck’ glance after. Chuuya groans as nothing really works to make Dazai stop being a menace.

That's when an idea comes into his mind.

When Dazai's hand is about to steal his popcorn again, Chuuya immediately holds Dazai's hands, intertwining it in order to prevent it from getting the popcorn and moving further. He feels Dazai freeze beside him and Chuuya smirks as he holds Dazai’s hands tighter. Just to clarify things here, he’s holding Dazai's hands NOT because he wants to hold it and it's warm, but because he's protecting his popcorn. Every popcorn lives matter, and Chuuya’s a firm believer of that. Dazai didn't seem to mind because he just let their hands intertwined and he's not stealing any popcorn again.

Good grief, finally.

Chuuya smiles triumphantly. He finally protected his snacks although it comes with a cause of holding Dazai's hands and— oh. Oh... wait. Chotto matte. Wait a fucking minute.

He's holding Dazai's hands?

Everything finally sinks in and his cheeks suddenly feel warm, even warmer when Dazai squeezes his hands softly with a small lopsided smirk, eyes still focused on the screen. Chuuya's eyes widened and he immediately tried to pull his hands away from being intertwined but Dazai held his hands tighter. It makes Chuuya’s entire body pause and his heart beat in riot once again. What the fuuuuuuuuuuck?

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“O-oi, what the fuck? Let go of my hand, shitty Dazai.” Chuuya whispers and he’s thankful that it is darm in the cinema right now. His heart won’t handle it if Dazai would start teasing him about why his face is starting to resemble a tomato.

"Face the consequences of your actions, Chibi." Dazai whispered softly as he didn't let go of Chuuya's hands. His voice is very gentle and soothing— enough for Chuuya to feel an odd tingling electricity running down his spine.

"I fucking hate you." Chuuya mumbles as he lets their hands hold each other.

"Hmmm," Dazai smiles softly, "I know."

They both say those words with gentleness in their tone.

Chuuya's eyes are watery as his heart is beating very fast right now. He's freaking out because fuck, Dazai is holding is hand (oh god, oh god, oh god), it's making his head crazy. Though he lets it be. It’s also comfortable holding Dazai's hand so he just lets it. The movie is still playing with both of their hands intertwined in the dark.

At least the popcorns are safe.

It's around 8:00 pm when they finally decided to part ways. Verlaine and Rimbaud are talking a few meters away from them and Chuuya can't still believe the fact that he watches a movie with Dazai while holding the man's hands. It makes his heart feel giddy in a good way. He can’t explain it but he feels comfortable and safe with just holding the annoying mackerel’s hand. Is it because he’s cursed and poisoned?

One more thing... he enjoys the entire day with Dazai.

It's so fucking creepy.

"Look, Mackerel,” Chuuya started as he stares into the sky from outside filled with thousands of starts, “Aside from you're so shitty, I won't bid my goodbye because I don't fucking enjoy spending my entire day with you. Believe me, it’s a fucking waste of time."

"Same, Chuuya, same. For this whole day, I feel sick and awful to the point where I can rank this day as one of the worst day of my life." Dazai responded with a heavy exhale as if he’s been so tired right now.

Oddly enough, they say those words with meaningful soft smiles that only the two of them can understand.

"Yeah," Chuuya genuinely chuckles, "Don't fucking show your face again. It's annoying."

"Oh? Too bad, we'll be seeing each other again for the entire week, or months, or years. I need a daily dose of caffeine and your chibiness to worsen my day, everyday."

"What the hell? Stop putting my height in all of your life problems."

Dazai laughs in an almost inaudible manner, "Oh, Chuuya, you'll never know how you're causing dilemmas in my life. I feel so unfortunate to meet a chibi like you."

"Ah, that's fine. You're stressing me out, too. We're even."

"Because you're being a chibi virus in my life, I'll give you the pity of taking care of the fish plushie that you gave me. I already named him "Chibi". I'll also take care of the bracelet because it's filled with your chibi virus and not taking care of it might cause a chibi pandemic to everyone else. I’m so kind, you can thank me later." Dazai stated while looking into his eyes.

Chuuya freezes. He doesn't know where he'll focus first. Dazai named the mackerel plushie as "chibi", oh god. He's taking care of the bracelet, oh god.

"I named the slug plushie you gave me as "Mackerel", we're fucking even, bastard." Chuuya grinned and Dazai's eyes widened a little before it softened and he smiled, "And I'll take care of the stinky beanie that you bought. I don't want others to smell like your stinky fishy smell."

Chuuya thought Dazai would respond with an annoying statement but his thoughts come to a halt when Dazai takes a step closer, and pat his head gently while giving him a gentle smile. Chuuya’s brain suddenly malfunctioned with the gesture.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Chuuya." It’s not a mere word but a promise, enough to make Chuuya smile sincerely, too.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Dazai."

And they all parted ways. The drive towards home is filled with Verlaine asking Chuuya about Dazai's biography and Chuuya answering them without giving a sweat. Verlaine has a meaningful smile on his lips all throughout the ride and he says he enjoys the day spending with his brother but Chuuya replied that 99% of Verlaine's time is spent with Rimbaud. They laughed and agreed with the statement. When they get home, they see the tired from her shift Kouyo and they give her takeout food. Chuuya also give his ane-san the plushie in which Kouyo appreciates with a smile. The woman asked his brothers about what happened but she can already smell the gay atmosphere in the living room. After a short conversation between the siblings, Chuuya walks towards his room, takes a quick warm shower, and sits on his bed with his heart beating crazily inside his chest.

What happened today is unexpected.

He didn't even think about the Operation Mackerel. At least not today. He just... everything just feels natural. Spending time with Dazai, bickering with the man, everything feels good and natural. Why is he feeling this way when he’s not even sure if Dazai feels the same way, too? Argh!

Chuuya hugs his slug plushie named mackerel until he sleeps.

This day is oddly amazing.

>>>

Chapter Text

Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had... he thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish! But there's no way Dazai likes him back so in order to test that hypothesis out, there's a solution: make the Mackerel jealous. It is supposed to be an easy plan but... how could things get extremely chaotic?

CHAPTER 4: Damn it, Dazai, you're fucking hot!

"Hmmm, ah~ yes, yes. That's right chibi," Dazai's husky voice echoes within the place as his fingers trace his jaw sexily. The touch burns on his skin but he still feels the chill from the gesture. The brunette is panting while staring down at him with his half-lidded eyes and wolfish smirk, "That's right, Chuuya. Lick it, hmmm, there, ah~ there. Good. Use that mouth and suck it harder."

Motherfucker.

Chuuya's eyes shot open as he almost jumped from his dream. As if his body has its own life, he immediately sits down on his bed with wide eyes and red cheeks. His chest is stumping heavily and there are sweats on his forehead as if he just dreamt of a very terrifying nightmare. His breath is also erratic. With a heavy sigh, Chuuya ran his hand on his face in frustration. Seriously, what the fuck?

One more thing, his pants feel tight early in the morning. Why?

No, no, no, don't look down—

With a heavy sigh, he freezes. His eyes slowly narrowed as his head looked down on his— oh shit, it's standing and hard like an army ready for a battle. Chuuya's eyes widened more as he grit his teeth while running his hand on his hair again in frustration, "What the hell is happening to me?"

Is he fucking turned on because of that shitty ass dream?

His eyes look down again and he curses nonstop underneath his breath before running towards the bathroom to take a cold shower and slap the hell out of him. Yes, he really needs a cold shower to keep him back into focus. He needs to truly focus and make sure his head is functioning well. He's not talking about his head down there, to be clear. Chuuya knows that he must pull himself together and calm his rapid heart beats because Dazai, that damn Mackerel, is invading his dreams again in a very... inappropriate way! He didn't give his consent to dream of sinful things about Dazai. Why the hell is he experiencing this?

When Chuuya arrives early in the cafe, he sees Verlaine on the counter while wearing their usual red apron. Chuuya immediately walked towards his brother and his eyes narrowed in confusion. Verlaine should be on a vacation right now. He should be in some relaxing places or he should be flirting with Rimbaud and spreading gayness that they weren't able to do in the canonverse. What is he doing here in this cafe right now?

"Good morning, Chuuya." Verlaine smiles calmy, "Since I don't have anything to do while I'm staying here in Japan, I think I can help out temporarily in the cafe."

Chuuya is still amused with a slight disbelief, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm also hoping to help you in order to prevent tiring you too much. I've added possible pastry recipes and I can help out at the counter."

"Verlaine nisan, you're not fucking kidding me, are you?" Chuuya's eyes slightly narrowed down suspiciously, "This is Arahabaki cafe, not Guivre cafe. Plus, no homos are allowed here. This cafe is strictly for straight people."

Verlaine just chuckled, "I'm straight," Chuuya just raises his eyebrows in pure disbelief and Verlaine coughs, "But no, I'm not kidding at all. I want to help you for a while. Will that be alright with you?"

"Yeah... sure, it's cool." Chuuya mumbles and shrugs off his brother's lies.

There's a silent excitement inside his system to work with Verlaine right now. Though, he can feel how his older brother will get traumatized after seeing him bickering with Dazai for the whole day. Verlained had saw it yesterday, but he will see more today. Speaking of what happened yesterday, it may sound nauseating but he's glad to spend time with the mackerel. Definitely not for gay purposes, just... it's purely for the sake of entertainment.

"I'll be going inside the kitchen." Chuuya stated before grabbing his own apron and walking towards the kitchen only to see Higuchi and Lucy talking seriously. These two women looks like they're planning a very confidential assassination and Chuuya can smell the upcoming chaos in the air.

"What's going on here?" Chuuya asked calmly with his arms crossed. The women immediately straightened up and gave him a meaningful smile.

From that smile, Chuuya immediately deduces that they're indeed planning something again.

"Manager." Higuchi smiles and Chuuya raises his eyebrows after feeling a terrible warning notification down his spine about the possible thing that he will hear next, "What does a vacation sound like?"

"A vacation?" Chuuya asked. Are they planning something evil?

"Oh please, don't worry, Chuuya. It will be very fun." Lucy smirks. Yes, they're definitely planning something evil.

Chuuya needs to reconsider his choice of words. Women are terrifying sometimes, even more frightening than having a destructive god inside your body. With his usual unbothered voice, he replied, "Ok. What is this vacation's all about?" Chuuya asked and the two girls smirked.

"We're going on a cruise vacation!" Higuchi exclaimed excitedly, "Lucy and I have been planning it for a while now. Everything is prepared accordingly so—"

"—So I don't have a choice to decline, do I?" Chuuya asked.

"Yes!"

"What about the cafe?"

"We'll be closing for the weeks' vacation. Everything's going to be fine. We've planned it all accordingly. Plus, a week of rest is not too much, is it?"

There's a lot of questions lurking within Chuuya's mind but he knows resisting and contradicting is futile. He just sighs, "Did you plan this all out knowing I won't be able to refuse?" Chuuya's eyebrows raise suspiciously again and both Lucy and Higuchi just grin. Women.

"We don't know." The two shrugged. Sure.

"I never had an option, did I?" Chuuya mutters and sighs, "Fine. Tell me the details."

"We're going on an island trip inside a cruise. Everything is prepared. The schedule will be next week. The fees, the accommodations, everything is arranged properly. We've been planning it for the past months and we made sure to surprise you and tell you in the last minutes so you won't have a choice to disagree and refuse."

"Wow, you're serious with the fucking cruise?" Chuuya whispered and nodded slowly, "How did you manage to handle the fees? You're not from the Mafia, are you?"

"Jeez, absolutely not! It's not like we know how to handle guns well. If you're asking about the cruise? Yes, manager, we're riding a cruise and not a dick!" Higuchi shouted excitedly, "Remember Atsushi?"

"Of course. He's just been on a vacation for a month. I'm even considering to give him a permanent vacation because who the fuck goes to a vacation for a month, right? Damn capitalism. How is he involved in this?"

"His boyfriend is hot and incredibly rich!" Higuchi chuckles, "I actually have a crush on his boyfriend but you know, I'm not into unrequited love tags and being romantically unreciprocated sucks so I decided to date his sister instead."

"What a fucking plot twist." Chuuya muttered, "So how exactly is Atsushi involved here?"

Higuchi grins again, "To make the story short, Atsushi's boyfriend owns a cruise and we'll be using that cruise for our vacation! We don't need to pay anything. All we have to do is trust Atsushi's flirting and pleading skills. Exciting, right?"

"Wait a minute. Hold your horses. What?" Chuuya's eyebrows curl, "You mean we're basically leaving our fate to Atsushi's persuasion skill to convince his boyfriend to let us have the cruise?"

"Manager, can you just trust us for once? We're doing this for you!" Higuchi chuckles, "And for us, too."

Chuuya exhales in slight exasperation, "You know I trust you but—"

"No buts! We'll be having our vacation next week, and oh! Verlaine-san will also join us." Lucy smiles in a very wicked way— like that type of smile that bones studio often uses and combines with the close up fish eye, traumatizing as fuck, "Dazai should join us, too."

There's a sudden silence.

Chuuya blinks slowly.

"WHAT?"

Higuchi smirks upon hearing the sudden raise in voice. Her smirk resembles that kind of smirk people do when their bad intentions are coming to fruition, "You have to invite him, Chuuya-san!"

Invite him? Invite Dazai? First, why would he? Being stuck in a cruise ship with the mackerel for a week is crazy. It's not much of a big deal, honestly, since he's been seeing Dazai literally every day in the cafe but being in one single place almost all the time is going to be insane. Chuuya can already visualize the possibilities of his blood pressure raising, and his knees weakening— wait, forget the knees weakening part, that's for gay people— but the thing is, he can already see the chaos of being in one same place as Dazai all the time! Plus, it won't be healthy for his heart.

"No fucking way! How will it be a vacation if Dazai is there to bother the fuck out of me?" Chuuya hissed in annoyance. There's no way he can relax on that cruise if Dazai is there.

Lucy and Higuchi look at each other before looking back at him with an anticipating pair of those deceiving eyes, "It's a part of Operation Mackerel, trust us."

"You..." Chuuya inhales sharply in frustration.

"Please?"

He finally exhales and stops his urge to massage his forehead in silent frustration, "Tch. Fine. Now, tell me. How is this going to be a part of Operation Mackerel?"

Higuchi and Lucy walk closer towards him and they show him a paper that looks like a printed invitation for a dance or something, "Do you still remember the Operation Number Three?"

"Yes, that's..." Chuuya paused and think of it for a while, "It's about— oh fuck. No way... don't tell me."

They smirk and nod.

"Operation Mackerel: 10 Ways to Make Dazai Osamu Jealous," by Lucy and Higuchi. All rights reserved.

Operation #3: Dance with him and then dump him like a bratty Cinderella (◠‿◕)

"Are we fucking inflicting pain here? Not that I mind dumping him amidst our dance because he's a fish, but isn't it just too cruel? Instead of making him jealous, that would probably piss him off." Chuuya stated with a disagreeing face.

"Chuuya, have you seen Dazai's face?"

"Yeah, he looks like a piece of shit."

"No, not that! Oh god, you're so oblivious. This fic should have the tag "Nakahara Chuuya is oblivious as hell," jeez," Lucy massages her forehead and exhales heavily, "That look on Dazai's face resembles a man who loves challenges. The more you thirst him, the more he loves you."

"I don't even know if he loves me." Chuuya replied in a mere whisper.

"That's the point of doing Operation Number Three, and I promise you, we have everything settled on the cruise. All you have to do is be there but for now, you can invite Dazai first and you gotta make sure that he's coming or else the plan would be in vain."

"Fine," He can't refuse any longer, "This better be good." Chuuya muttered and turned around before leaving the kitchen to start working.

For the entire day, Dazai wasn't there. At least within the day— but at around 7:00 pm, the door of the cafe opened and Dazai entered inside with his heavy half-lidded eyes. He's acting cheerful as usual, but Chuuya can feel something's wrong. Dazai, on the other hand, sits on his usual seat in the corner and opens his laptop to start working with something. Things seem fine but his instinct is telling him that something is fishy.

Chuuya's eyes narrowed but he started making a Frapuccino, Dazai's usual order, before delivering it to the brunette. When he's in front of Dazai, his eyebrows raise in curiosity. Something really feels wrong here. Up close, he can see the paleness in Dazai's lips and the slight changes in the brunette's breathing.

"You look like shit." Chuuya started in an annoyed tone but Dazai just chuckles with his words.

Normally Dazai would answer an insult but...

"I do?" Dazai muttered and sipped his coffee silently. Instantly, Chuuya knows that something is really wrong. There's no way Dazai would answer him without bringing his height into the matter. Is Dazai fucking dying tonight and he's being like this?

"Damn, bastard, you're acting creepy right now," Chuuya muttered suspiciously, "Are you... did you fucking impregnate someone!? Do you have cancer? Will this fucking book ended up with an major character death? Motherfucker—"

Dazai almost choke on his coffee with Chuuya's accusation and he look up to glance amusingly at the redhead beside him, "Chibi, I know your brain is too small for your height but I'm not informed that you are this stupid."

"Shut up, bastard! Why the hell are you acting that way?" Chuuya asked, a little relieved that Dazai finally brought up his height. It only means that he's not on the dying-level-of-serious-problem right now, "Did you kill anyone? Or did you do something even worse like eating a pizza without pineapple!?"

"Pineapples in pizza tastes terrible—"

"—No, it doesn't!"

"—And sorry to disappoint you, shrimp, I didn't impregnate someone nor did I kill anyone; at least not in this universe," Dazai smirks lazily, "I'm perfectly, definitely, absolutely fine."

Chuuya raises his eyebrows in disbelief, "No, you just used three adverbs to describe how fine you are."

"It makes it even finer!"

"No, dumbass, it makes it even more suspicious!" Chuuya exclaimed and crossed his arms annoyingly. Thankfully, there are no customers right now except Dazai. Verlaine has already gone home an hour earlier so Chuuya can chat with Dazai right now. Lucy and Higuchi are still in the kitchen. They're cleaning the place and will go home later on.

"As much as I want to bicker with you chibi, I have things to do first. Talk to you later." Dazai mutters gently and before giving him a small smile.

Chuuya's glance landed on Dazai's eyes. There are small eyebags on them like he didn't sleep well. It's a little swollen and teary. His skin looks pale and his lips are really dry in a non-normal way. Chuuya sighs and understands what's going on immediately.

"Fine. Suit yourself. Tsk." He turns around and walks away, leaving Dazai on his own. Chuuya starts cleaning the counter and lets Dazai have his own time.

Despite their distance, Chuuya is giving the brunette some stolen glances. From where Dazai is sitting, Chuuya can confirm one thing.

Dazai is sick.

No, not in the manner of being a 'sick bastard' because that's already an understatement. It's more in a medical manner. Dazai is certainly sick. He looks feverish right now. And sure, Chuuya shouldn't care since Dazai's health is none of his business.

But he fucking L-word the man.

So he just calmly does his work as Dazai focuses on his work as well. They didn't bicker or anything. It's one of the rare days where the Arahabaki Cafe is spared from their enormous, loud voices. Just yesterday in the ocean park, Dazai's full of energy and now... tsk. Chuuya silently makes a hot chocolate for the brunette before he walks back to give it to him. Dazai looked up at him with a confused look.

"Drink." Chuuya stated firmly but his voice didn't raise like usual. Dazai remained unfazed.

"Did you put a love potion in that drink, shrimp?"

"Oh god, I'm this close to murdering you!" Chuuya clenched his jaw and added, "You don't have to pay for that shit. Just drink that."

He didn't wait for Dazai's response as he turned around and started walking away again. There are last minute costumes that Chuuya needs to serve before the cafe almost closes. Lucy and Higuchi finally bid their farewell, too, leaving Chuuya alone in the place. When Chuuya glances at Dazai, the man is ready to go but when he stands up, he seems dizzy. The way he walks is groggy and Chuuya knows that Dazai is experiencing dizziness because of his sickness. Chuuya tried to ignore the brunette but after five small steps, Dazai's legs weakened to the point where he needed to hold on one of the tables to not fall down or trip.

Damn it. Upon seeing that scene, Chuuya immediately walked towards him in a fast paced before holding Dazai's both shoulders to guide the man and prevent him from falling down the floor, "Stay there. Don't move."

Dazai didn't say anything but his eyes are droopy as if he'll faint anytime soon. Chuuya curses under his breath. Dazai is wearing his usual tanned trench coat but from just holding his shoulder, Chuuya can feel the heat of the man's skin. He has a high fever.

"Sit down there for a while." He helps Dazai sit on a chair before he takes his apron off. He didn't change into his more casual shirt since Dazai looks like he's on edge, "I'll just go get something."

Chuuya runs towards the kitchen and checks for any medicines. He sighs in relief as he sees some capsules for fever. He brought it to Dazai with a bottle of water and helped the mackerel drink it.

"It's bitter." Dazai whispered in a weak tone and Chuuya ignored how stubborn he was in this very crucial moment.

"You need to fucking take that or else—" Before Chuuya can continue his words, Dazai's face slumped on the table with a loud thud.

Shit.

What would you do if the man you're somehow fond of passes out in your cafe? Chuuya knows that the most logical thing to do is let Dazai stay there with his face slumped on the table until he wakes up but something's off as well. Because Chuuya's a little illogical, and tired, and undeniably gay, he gets his phone and contacts Verlaine.

"Chuuya, what's wrong?" It takes three rings before his brother picks the phone.

"I need your help."

"Are you finally agreeing to come with me and travel around the world to kill the human race after experimenting on us to be the handler of such powerful monsters—

"What the fuck— what are you talking about!?" Chuuya asks and he hears Verlaine coughs in the other line.

"Sorry. That sounds weird. I just read this Stormbringer light novel, and it's so extra."

"Wow. Spoiler alert, fuck you for killing my friends in that novel by the way," Chuuya chuckled, distracted, "Anyway, I called you to asked for Rimbaud's number."

"Hmmm, why?"

"I'm going to plan your wedding."

"Chuuya—"

"Haha, no. Stop being gay, damn it. I'll tell you the details tomorrow but it's very important."

He hears Verlaine sigh, "Alright. I'll send you his contact number right away. Will you be home soon? The cafe should be closed by now."

"No, I—" Chuuya stopped and glance at the feverish-as-fuck-Dazai slumped on the table, "—I have something to take care of first. Don't wait for me."

"Ok. Call me if you need something."

"Yeah." Chuuya replied and ended the call.

After a few seconds, Verlaine sent Rimbaud's number and after calling Rimbaud for Dazai's address, the man immediately gave it to him. Chuuya can't forget what Rimbaud stated, too, when he thanked him for the address.

"That's what brothers-in-laws are for."

"What the fuck?"

And so Chuuya finds out where Dazai is living. He dragged the unconscious Dazai towards his car, and because Dazai's tall, he accidentally hits his head while getting dragged. Chuuya blinks apologetically but since Dazai is still unconscious, he lets the man slumped on the backseat. Some passerby looked at Chuuya suspiciously as if he just threw a corpse inside his car but Chuuya didn't care about it. He needs to bring the shitty Mackerel to his house and make sure he's fine.

The drive takes a long time. Dazai's house is far from the cafe and Chuuya's curious about why he needs to go to the cafe if it's away from his shelter. The drive is too long and it's not convenient. Or maybe Dazai just like inconvenience in the first place.

After stopping in some drug stores to buy medicines, Chuuya finally arrived at the place and his eyes immediately checked it out. It's a two-storey house painted in white, gray, and black. The exterior looks good. It's also spacious. Chuuya walks out of his car and helps Dazai out but since Dazai's unconscious and all, falls on the ground instead. Chuuya sighs and resorts to carrying Dazai on his shoulders in a piggyback manner as he walks towards the gate. It's unlocked so Chuuya easily gets towards the door and unfortunately, it needs a key.

"Damn, Dazai, how can we even enter here?" He whispered but the man behind him didn't answer.

Dazai's pocket or Dazai's bag. The key's probably there. So he checked the brunette's pocket first and Chuuya smirked triumphantly when he felt a bulge of keys inside. He uses it to open the door and his eyes widen upon entering inside.

Wow, it's... his eyes deadpanned... fucking empty.

The house looks boring with few furniture and such. There's no painting, picture frame or anything. It's very minimalistic and empty-looking, though it looks spacious as well. Chuuya still carried Dazai to the second floor as he searched for the brunette's room. When he sees the one door with the "Don't disturb," warning sign, he enters there and he gulps when he sees the mess inside the room.

There are a lot of books scattered on the floor, some bottles of sake, and even the bed is messy as if the person staying there has been throwing pillows all over. But the fish plush that he bought for Dazai yesterday is well laying on a pillow, it made Chuuya smile for a second. Chuuya sighs and walks outside. He can't let Dazai take some rest in such a messy environment. Thankfully, there's an extra room (probably a guest room, but he doubts Dazai brings guests there) and he sighs in relief when he sees how the room is cleaner there.

He lay Dazai on the white bedsheet and Dazai's eyes slowly opened pathetically. His cheeks are red because of the fever and his nose is stuffy. Even his hair looks messily framed on his face and his lips are dry. Dazai looks up to Chuuya messily and tries to open his mouth to speak but Chuuya gives him a small glance.

"Why'd you have to fucking go to the cafe and work if you're in this condition?" He scolded but concern was visible in his voice.

"I 'ade 'hm promised." Dazai whispered weakly.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Chuuya." It's not a mere word but a promise, enough to make Chuuya smile sincerely.

Chuuya felt his chest squeezing with Dazai's response. The brunette closes his eyes again and his breath is heavy. Chuuya touches the brunette's forehead to check his temperature and he flinches with how warm it is.

"Damn it, Dazai, you're fucking hot!"

As if there's a little consciousness in the mackerel, Chuuya caught how Dazai's lips slowly curved weakly into a small smirk. Even in this state, Dazai's such a menace.

"Stay there and rest as much as you can."

Chuuya added before he stood up and went downstairs to make some soup. He also prepared warm water and a towel. After that, he walks back towards Dazai and the man is convulsing and shaking from the cold that Chuuya can't feel. He touches Dazai's shoulders and the man flinches deliriously.

"D-don't touch me," Dazai whispered, his eyes tightly closed, "Go away."

"Dazai," Chuuya called, "It's me, Chuuya. Calm down."

Dazai stayed silent but his lips trembled. Chuuya looks at Dazai's state and he exhales softly, "I'll take your coat off, alright? I need to use compress on you and you have to be comfortable."

Dazai didn't answer.

Chuuya gently helps him sit down and he takes Dazai's trenchcoat off, leaving the man with long blue sleeves and pants. Because of Dazai's fever, his clothes are soaked with sweat and Chuuya needs to change them.

"Wait for a while." He whispered before running towards Dazai's room to get some spare shirts and pajamas.

When he comes back, Dazai's eyes are a little half lidded and it's as if he can't clearly see Chuuya. Chuuya walked beside Dazai and whispered, "Dazai, I need to undress you."

"No." Dazai whispered in a very weak voice, "Don't take 'em off."

"But you're filled with sweat and it might cause pneumonia," Chuuya answered calmly, "I'll be quick, I promise."

Again, Dazai didn't respond.

Chuuya slowly unbuttoned his shirt and took the soaked sleeves away from the man. His arms are wrapped in bandages and even his upper body is filled with bandages. But those bandages are wet because of his sweat so Chuuya needs to take them off, too.

"Dazai..." Chuuya called but Dazai's eyes were already closed.

He's unconscious again.

Chuuya slowly took the bandages off and while he's slowly doing it, his mouth parted when he saw a lot of scars marked on Dazai's skin. His hands trembled as he unwrapped those. Slowly, slowly, until it's the bandages on the body's torso's turn to get rid off. Chuuya clenched his teeth when he saw huge burn scars on Dazai's chest, and slices on his stomach. Every scar looks painful. Some are even fresh. He gasped sharply and tightly closed his eyes. A painful feeling wraps around his chest upon seeing the wounds.

His lips are pressed together but he wants to clench his fist. The wounds and burns on Dazai's body marks him. If he can do something to at least heal them or soothe them, or make them vanish, he would do so without hesitation.

Chuuya wipes the warm towel on Dazai's body. After that, he lets the brunette wear a warm and clean shirt. Then his eyes landed on Dazai's pants. He didn't hesitate as he unzipped it and pulled it down. Even Dazai's legs are wrapped in bandages but Chuuya doesn't unwrap them since they're not soaked with sweat at all. He changes Dazai into pajamas. When the man is finally clean and free from soaked clothes, Chuuya presses a cold compress on Dazai's forehead and wraps him in a warm blanket.

"You better get well soon." He muttered even after knowing that there's no way Dazai would hear him.

Once he's done putting Dazai's dirty, soaked clothes in the laundry basket, he gets the warm soup that he made earlier and also pocketed a few medicines and some water. After 10 minutes, he went back to Dazai and gently tapped Dazai's cheeks.

"You need to eat first."

Dazai slowly woke up but thankfully he didn't fight at all as he nodded and sat down weakly. Chuuya helps him to sit down as well before he gently feeds Dazai with soup. Dazai, who is half awake, obediently eats it. When the food is finished, Chuuya helps Dazai take medicine and Dazai obeys again. When it's all done, Dazai goes back to sleep and Chuuya wraps him again in a blanket.

For a while, he was left staring at the brunette's face, his sleeping feature. He looks very peaceful right now, far from the chaotic Dazai that he used to bicker with every day. With Dazai sleeping like this, he looks like an angel— or rather, a silent, sleeping demon. Chuuya's eyes landed on Dazai's lips and he immediately averted his gaze. When he checked the clock, it's already 2:00 am and his shift is early tomorrow.

"You have to get better, shitty Dazai. You look like shit when you're sick like this." Chuuya muttered softly.

He brought a box of muffins from the cafe earlier so get that from his car and left it on Dazai's bedside table. Beside the box of muffins, Chuuya leaves some medicines and water, too. He makes sure the room is well-ventilated, and Dazai is warmly wrapped in a blanket. He also checks the brunette's temperature for the last time, and he sighs when the fever is not decreasing at all. He wants to stay longer and take care of Dazai tonight but he also needs to go home. He needs to take care of some stuff there.

After doing it all, he leaves a small note saying, "Get fucking well," before walking out of Dazai's house.

The day after that, Dazai shows himself again in the cafe but this time, he looks better. Healthier. Chuuya raises his eyebrows in confusion since who gets better instantly? But looking at Dazai, the man seems healthy again and more annoying than usual. A warm feeling of relief plastered around his heart. Thank god.

Dazai walks straight towards the counter where Chuuya is standing. Verlaine is with Rimbaud in some places so he can't help with the cafe for today. Gay people nowadays needs to chill. Dazai stops in front of him and Chuuya crosses his arms when Dazai gives him an accusing look.

"How are you—"

"You harassed me!" Dazai exclaimed, louder than what it should be.

The old woman who was peacefully drinking her coffee in the cafe suddenly spat her drink to the face of her old husband in front of her after hearing those words.

"What the fuck?" Chuuya glared at the brunette, "Did you seriously think that I would harass you!?"

Dazai's accusing gaze is still penetrating him. Dazai is staring at him with an oddly meaningful gaze but anyway—

"You took advantage of my weakness and... and..." Dazai even dramatically faked a tear, "...and left me naked!"

The older man in the cafe sitting a meter from them spat his coffee on his wife's face in return after hearing that.

Chuuya's face slowly flushes red in anger and embarrassment because of what this shitty bastard is talking about. He didn't take advantage of anyone. He didn't even unnecessarily touch Dazai last night unless it has something to do with his well-being and now this asshole has the audacity to accuse him of harassment!? Him? Harassing someone!? He would rather murder someone than harrass them!

"I didn't leave you naked!" Chuuya shouted back.

"Oh my god, they already fucked." Someone whispered from the cafe. Certainly, they are the people who are used to the daily bickering of soukoku as their dramatized romance-comedy podcast.

"Damn, yeah. Soukoku for the win." The other replied.

"Then why am I feeling incredibly sore?" Dazai exclaimed and Chuuya's jaw dropped because this fucking bastard is shameless as fuck!

"That's because you're fucking feverish last night and you're so heavy so I ended up dropping you to the ground multiple times!"

Dazai looks at Chuuya in utter betrayal— actually he's just being dramatic, "How dare you be this..." His gaze drops on the small freckles on Chuuya's cheeks and Dazai pauses before whispering, "...Beautiful."

"HAH!?"

Almost 90% of the customers spat their drink simultaneously.

"Did the author of this book put a fucking idiots in love and mutual pining in the tags!?"

"Maybe? I only read summaries."

"...I mean, you look awful!" Dazai's eyes narrowed, "You're so awful that the medicine you left tastes like dog food. Oh, is it your own food? Trash."

Chuuya blood boils, "Listen here you little shit—"

"Because you made me drink a medicine that tastes like a dog food, you must take responsibility for the possibility of me experiencing food poisoning, Chuuya." Dazai's voice turned low and threatening.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?"

"My stomach is now your responsibility so you must come with me after your shift to cook dinner for the both of us!"

"WHAT!?"

"Are you chickening out, chibi, even though you're a slug? You're afraid to take accountability of your previous actions?" Dazai smirks and Chuuya swears he wants to punch that smirk off his face.

"I didn't poison you or anything! People drink medicines to get better and from the look of it, you're a hundred times healthier than you were yesterday because of that fucking medicine but instead of acting grateful about it, you're complaining like a goddamn brat right now!" Chuuya groaned in frustration, "Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you!?"

"Chuuya, why are you so stupid?" Dazai whispers and Chuuya finally snaps.

He turned around and called Higuchi, "Higuchi, can you take care of this cafe for a while? I have to kill some pests."

"You're going to kill Fukuchi?"

"No— well, if Asagiri Kafka lets me, why not? — but that's not the point. Just take cover for my temporary absence."

"No problem, Manager."

Chuuya took his apron off, leaving him with his rolled up white sleeves and black pants. His hair is also tied in a low ponytail. He harshly grabs Dazai's collar and drag the man out of the cafe. Every customer inside the cafe watches them but stays silent nonetheless.

It's just an another day in the Arahabaki cafe~

Chuuya angrily opened his car's backseat and threw Dazai inside. He went towards the driver's seat and started the car. Dazai is silently watching all his gestures and as the car moves, Chuuya gives Dazai a very deadly glare.

"Why the fuck are you making a scene there?" He asked slowly, growling at the back of his teeth because of how annoyed he is right now.

"Did you see them?" Dazai's playful grins and teasing voice from earlier vanishes. Chuuya pauses for a second as Dazai's voice suddenly turns calm and calculative.

From the rear mirror, Chuuya sees how Dazai's eyes are looking back at him with deliberate gaze. Dazai seems serious right now which is rare and Chuuya wants to laugh at himself because the atmosphere inside his car is getting thicker with the sudden change in conversation.

"See what?" Chuuya replied and averted his gaze from Dazai to focus on the road, "Are you referring to the scars?"

Dazai stayed silent.

"You are, don't you?" Chuuya sighs calmly, "I did see them, and I don't see what's wrong with that."

Dazai blinks but his eyes are looking at Chuuya as if he's deeply discerning the truth in the redhead's words, "You don't see what's wrong with them?"

Chuuya sighs calmly. He's annoyed with Dazai but he also knows how serious this conversation can get. He might not know what exactly is Dazai feeling internally but he doesn't want to add burden to the brunette. So he just drove calmly.

"I won't cross your personal boundary unless you want me to, and it's not my business to get too curious on the stories behind those scars unless you consent me to," Chuuya replied, "But I can assure you that it doesn't make you any less of a human."

Silence.

Dazai remained silent in the backseat.

When Chuuya looks from the rear mirror, he sees Dazai staring back at him with some emotions that he can't explain in his eyes.

"You really know how to infect someone with your disease, huh." Dazai smiles gently as he whispers those. Chuuya rolled his eyes in response but he didn't say anything.

The ride is silent but there's a thick unexplainable atmosphere in the car. Chuuya parked in front of Dazai's house and Dazai looked at him with amusement.

"Why did you even come to the cafe? You haven't fully rested yet." Chuuya started, "Get out and sleep inside your house."

"You have to come with me inside."

"Why the fuck would I do that?"

"Because I genuinely feel at ease when I see someone sluggy and small." Dazai mumbles.

If Chuuya didn't know that this brunette just got healed from sickness, he would have kicked Dazai's ass out of his car. He checks his wristwatch and sees that it's still around afternoon. Higuchi and Lucy can manage the cafe for now.

"Can you not insult someone for a day?"

"Yes, of course," Dazai grin playfully, "But if it's you, apologies, I can't."

"Wow. So I need to be thankful for the special treatment?"

"Sure, sure, Chuuya. You're stupidly special." Dazai whispered before going out and walking towards his house.

You're stupidly special.

You're special.

Fucking get a grip, Chuuya.

With a small snort, Chuuya followed the man inside. The house feels the same as small light enters from the windows covered in thick curtains. Dazai walks towards the kitchen and Chuuya follows him again.

"Seriously, I brought 'ya here to have some rest and now you wanna pull me into this as well?" Chuuya mumbled, "Why are you even in the cafe in the first place? You should've just stayed here and—"

"Thank you."

Chuuya felt himself freeze upon hearing those very words. He froze on his feet. Dazai is still facing his back towards him so he can't see the brunette's expression.

Always. For you.

But instead, Chuuya lets out a dry chuckle, "Yeah, no problem."

He caught a glimpse of Dazai's eyes softening and he was about to smile a little when Dazai— being shitty and annoying as he is— added something.

"That you for your chibi virus that I feel worse in every moment of my life. Awful. Your virus is so awful, Chuuya."

"Hah!?"

Of course, they bicker non-stop as always and that afternoon, he just helps Dazai cook some lunch, out of obligation and definitely not because he cares for this shitty fish's well-being, before leaving afterwards to take care of the cafe.

"So, have you told Dazai about the week-long cruise vacation?" Lucy asked with her eyebrows raising teasingly.

It's been a day. They are inside the kitchen again to work on the pastries. Higuchi and Verlaine's the one assigned for the customers. Chuuya shrugs before putting some icings on the cupcakes.

"No, I haven't yet." Chuuya calmly finished his creation and added, "We don't know if he'll be working. People's schedules are distinct and there's no way he will agree."

"How would you know he'll disagree if you haven't even tried telling him yet?" Lucy asked.

"Tried telling me what?"

Chuuya almost messes up the cupcakes that he's preparing when he hears Dazai's voice inside the kitchen. His eyes widened a little and it later on turned into annoyance.

"The fuck are you doing here!? Didn't you see the sign outside that only employees are allowed to enter here?" He asks and Dazai just shrugs before showing him a box that looks like a cake.

"Verlaine gave me his permission as I have to deliver it to you here—" Dazai stopped and his gaze landed on Lucy. The man smiles, "—Oh, hi Lucy! Wanna commit a double suicide with me?"

"I'll pass. I'm not in the mood to die. I haven't eaten a pussy yet." Lucy stated nonchalantly and Chuuya looked at her in shock and disbelief.

"That's miserable," Dazai stated in a fake sympathy, "Another beautiful lady rejected me again. This is awful. It's all your fault I'm experiencing this curse, Chuuya!"

Chuuya looked at him in another disbelief. Can't he have one normal day in his life? Why is he hearing all these shits when all he wanted to do is finish decorating all the cupcakes right now?

Lucy just laughs and removes her gloves before wearing her apron, "Manager, I'll help Higuchi outside. The pastries are almost done so I know you can manage it— alone with Dazai."

Chuuya could hear the small teases in the woman's voice and he swears, if Lucy's not a redhead, he will fire her since she seems to be liking the idea of him suffering in this kitchen with Dazai's presence. But no, he can't fire her. Redheads should work together and stay together. That's the will of the universe.

"There's still a tray that needs to be finished." Chuuya stated in a low tone. It's a warning and a secret code for, 'Don't you fucking leave me here alone with this Mackerel,' but instead of listening with an understanding heart, Lucy just winked at him.

Traitor.

"You can finish it on time with the power of gayness."

Dazai tilts his head in curiosity before he chuckles. They both watch Lucy close the kitchen's door and now Chuuya knew that he's going to get fucked up again. He gives Dazai a small glance, before looking back on the cupcakes to work on its icing.

"Tell me, what the hell are you doing here and what the fuck is that?" Chuuya asked without giving Dazai a gaze. He wants to stay focus on the cupcakes and avoid being gay even for today. After all, no gays are allowed in Arahabaki Cafe. Everyone is absolutely hetero and 100 percent straight.

Dazai put the box of cake in the space near where Chuuya is standing. His eyes landed on it. Inside the red box, there's a circular plain white cake with strawberries outlining the sides. In the center of the cake, there is a small red camellia. The cake looks beautiful. It looks really beautiful.

"Didn't you hear about what day it is today?"

Now, that piques Chuuya's curiosity as he cluelessly thinks of any significant event for today but he can't think of any. Well, aside from the fact that he should work on the laundry and buy groceries later, nothing is remarkable today, "No, what's with this day?"

Dazai look at him like he's stupidly clueless with the world and Chuuya swear he would yeet Dazai right now if he continues to look at him that way, "You poor soul. Everyone knows what's the important event today, are you even listening to the news?"

"Shut up, bastard, can't you just tell me what's with this date?"

Dazai walks closer to him until the man is standing next to him. Chuuya's grip on the icing bag tightens as he feels Dazai's presence but he remained silent and curious with what the fuck is happening.

"365 years ago, a war and intense famine occurred in the world. Millions of people died, thousands suffered, and it is such a catastrophic phenomena. It was later on survived by the people and now, this day is celebrated..." Dazai stated in a very serious voice.

Chuuya can't really remember the stuff they discussed in history class back in the days but that feels saddening. Ah, so this day is where a disaster occurs? He feels bad for not remembering it, "Ah, I see. I may have forgotten about those tragic times—"

"... In short, today is chibi day! Your day! This day is meant for us to celebrate how small and tiny you are!" Dazai added and Chuuya immediately felt his blood boiling. Veins almost pop on his temple. He will certainly yeet Dazai out of this world, "And oh, that cake is poisoned by the way, so enjoy it!"

Chuuya put the icing that he's holding down and harshly grab Dazai collar to lower the man and label their faces closer, Dazai's eyes remained calm as their eyes captured each other, "You can't really shut that fucking mouth of yours, can you?"

Dazai's lips curve into a small smile, "What will you do about that? Kiss me?"

That made Chuuya freeze. His eyes narrowed down before he leaned closer to Dazai until their lips were almost touching. This kind of proximity doesn't scare him as much as before, thankfully, the peppero challenge practiced him. Dazai is still emotionless as their lips are almost touching, and with all the energy in his body, Chuuya's lips curve into a smirk.

"I'm not gay, motherfucker." Chuuya whispered before stepping backwards. Dazai's eyes blinked as his brain seemed to malfunction for a second upon hearing those words from Chuuya.

Chuuya turned around and averted his gaze from Dazai before looking back at the cupcakes that he must work on with and Dazai's still spacing out on where he is standing.

"Oh." Dazai whispered and Chuuya nodded at him approvingly.

"Yes, 'oh' indeed. I don't promote homosexuality in this cafe. Everything should be as straight as a ruler, so if you may, can you get out of here and let me work on the pastries? I'll deal with you later."

Dazai nods and smirks, "Fine. See you later, Chuuya."

Chuuya's face is blank as he watches Dazai walk out of the kitchen, and the moment where he's finally alone, a small scream escapes from the back of his throat. His heart is beating fast inside his chest.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Their lips almost touched earlier. What the fuck was that!? Chuuya exhaled heavily as he leaned his head back to calm his heart. Damn. Damn it. The air inside the kitchen feels colder now that Dazai is no longer there. Maybe that's for good because Chuuya can't think straight right now.

Why did Dazai bring a cake here? Was it for him? Yeah, maybe it's for him? But does chibi day really exist? That fucker—

He needs to think straight.

Well unfortunately... he can't think straight because the moment he went out of the kitchen and saw Dazai in his usual place, around the corner sipping his Frappuccino, he knew straight doesn't suit him at all. When their eyes met, Dazai immediately smirked in a very teasing manner and it made Chuuya scoofs. This fucking fish really can't give his heart a break.

Chuuya gives the brunette a death glare before he walks towards Verlaine who is serving at the counter. His brother looks calm and homosexual as always so he's glad that everything is normal.

"I have to leave the cafe early for today since I need to buy some groceries for us later. Can you take care of it here for today, ni-san?"

"Alright. Call me if you need a hand."

"Sure."

Chuuya takes his apron off and changes his uniform to his casual clothes before he starts walking out. As he gets outside, he sniffs the fresh air to inhale something fresh but instead of fresh air, he smells a fishy, annoying aroma instead.

When his head snaps to the side, he sees Dazai walk towards him again. Damn. Can't this man stop going to where he is? Dazai's always following him around. Does he really want to annoy him this much?

"Where are you going?" Dazai's eyes narrowed down in suspicion, "It's still the second week of the month."

"Yes, and?"

Dazai pressed his lips calmly, "You're ruining it."

Chuuya hissed and showed Dazai his middle finger, "Tch, you're ruining my day today, too. What the hell do you want?"

"It's a week too early for your grocery schedule." Dazai started nonchalantly and Chuuya paused.

"Verlaine is staying in the house, and that's explains the sudden change in the— by the way, how the fuck did you know about that?"

How the fuck did Dazai know his monthly grocery schedule?

Dazai sighs in disbelief, "Unlike you, Chuuya, I'm pretty observant. It may not look like it but I know every pattern of your behavior. I'm all familiar with your breaths, your gestures, your thrust."

"Thrust—"

"...Thrust whenever you aim a punch." Dazai added with a deadpanned voice and Chuuya nodded in agreement.

"Reasonable." He then raises his eyebrows to give Dazai a questioning look, "Ok, you know my schedule, and why the fuck are you here? Aren't you going to work inside or something?"

Dazai smiles teasingly and damn, Chuuya's contemplating whether he'll punch the man's smile or pinch his cheeks. He's annoyed so maybe anything will work.

"I need to buy some cooking ingredients since you used them all up yesterday when you cooked our lunch." Dazai muttered, "Which means... I'll tag along with you!"

"No fucking way."

"Chuuya, some stranger may think of you as a kid and you might get kidnapped while you're on your way. The worst case scenario is getting inside the lab, having a clone, and killing your own clone so—"

"Damn, bastard, that's too personal, what the fuck?"

"That's just a hypothesis when you get kidnapped."

"I won't get kidnapped!"

"You do in the main universe."

Chuuya fought the annoyed groan at the back of his throat, "Asshole."

"Since I care for your well-being," Dazai pauses and clears his throat, "...Because your well-being means additional carbon dioxide for the ecosystem, I'm tagging along with you."

"You're not going to drop this, are you?"

"Respectfully, no."

"Fine, tch. Get your ass inside my car."

"Leave my ass alone."

"I'm not talking about your literal ass, idiot!"

And they did. Chuuya drives them towards the grocery store and while on the road, Dazai's being too talkative. They're basically bickering and fighting about who can eat the most number of popsicles in an amount of time. Their bickerings continued until they reached their destination.

Chuuya takes a push car and Dazai follows him as they glide to a different corners to get some groceries. Dazai is also leaving few comments to his choices of stuff which ended up with him either glaring at the man or sneaking some punches that Dazai always dodges.

"Those cheese creams doesn't taste good." Dazai commented.

"Yeah, shut up."

"Is that a vegetable soup in a can? Ew."

"It's nutritious, bastard!"

"You're not even growing, how can I believe that testimony?"

Chuuya kicks him and Dazai dodges again.

The entire walk in the grocery store is chaotic enough for the both of them. They bicker nonstop. Before Chuuya realizes it, Dazai is already the one pushing the grocery cart while he's getting the stuff. They are walking on the aisle of products, smiling and exchanging insults to each other. They look like married couples bickering while buying groceries—

Wait.

What the fuck?

Married couple?

Chuuya almost trips on his feet and Dazai's lips curved into a teasing smile while looking at him as if the brunette can read his mind. Dazai didn't say anything though, and he's thankful about that. They continue to walk until Chuuya realizes something.

He needs to invite Dazai for the week-long cruise vacation.

"Dazai—"

"I think you need this milk for your height, chibi." Dazai started to walk towards him without any care.

Chuuya, who is currently standing beside a shelf, froze when Dazai stopped just in front of him. Chuuya's body stops and his brain malfunctions for a second when Dazai stares down at him in a very close proximity. They're too close, their bodies are almost touching, and his breath hitches for a second while staring at Dazai.

"Oi, asshole..." He whispers. Their bodies are now touching and his back is now pressed on the shelf. He's trapped.

"Chuuya." Dazai whispered back. His breath is a little heavier than usual, enough to make Chuuya bite the insides of his cheeks with this closeness. He wants to kick Dazai's ass for teasing him unknowingly like this.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Dazai didn't answer as he stared down at him. Right now, Chuuya can start hearing his own heartbeats. What the fuck is happening?

"Slug..." Dazai whispered gently before leaning down. His eyes widened a little but Dazai didn't do anything except press his lips near his ear. Chuuya feels Dazai's hot breath touching his skin, "...You're in the way."

What?

Without saying anything, Dazai tiptoed and reached a can of milk at the highest part of the shelf. Chuuya's face is almost touching his chest, and Dazai smirks playfully before he takes a step backwards. He winks at Chuuya to tease the man further and Chuuya feels his face turning red in anger and—

"Motherfucker." He whispered, stopping himself from the urge to grip his chest since his heart's beating fast now.

"I'll pay for your milk, chibi."

"You know what, never fucking mind. I have to tell you something." Chuuya stated, calming his heart as much as possible.

Dazai stares at him calmly, obviously waiting for him to continue his words.

"I have something very important to tell you and 'ya can just answer you whether you would agree or not." Chuuya took a deep breath. He took the handkerchief from his pocket since his hand is slightly sweating and when he does, a coin suddenly falls to the ground.

So Chuuya did the most reasonable thing that he could do.

He kneels down in front of Dazai to get the coin.

There's a sudden silence.

A beat.

And he suddenly hears Dazai gasp with a teary eye. Chuuya, who is still kneeling, looks up only to see the brunette dramatically covering his mouth like crazy. Chuuya's eyebrows curl in confusion when people around them start to freeze, and suddenly, everyone around them is now watching them as if they're watching a show. They look like they're enjoying a gay moment— as if there's a show happening or something.

"Yes, Chuuya. I do!" Dazai answered, more teasingly than sincere. He's enjoying the increasing attention that they are getting right now.

Chuuya blinks in confusion.

Huh?

Dazai's still dramatic as hell, "I do. I would marry you, chibi, even when you're too small for someone as beautiful as me."

Chuuya blinks again.

"The fuck?" Chuuya asked and when he looks around people are surrounding them with teary eyes thinking they've witnessed a heart melting proposal.

Then he hears some people's words near them.

"Wow the gays are getting married. Fucking finally, this book will end in this chapter and the author won't need to publish a lot of different chapters to finish all the 10 operations to make Dazai Osamu jealous."

"Thank god."

"No seriously, I have nothing against this story but what the fuck? We're in chapter 4 and nothing is even happening. Fuck the author."

"Jeez, stop breaking the fourth wall! Let's just enjoy the gays being in denial as heck."

Chuuya coughs and ignores them. Now, they are making a scene here. People are still smiling and some are even whispering, "They look fucking gay and in love."

What the fuck does that mean!?

Chuuya wants to tell everyone that he just needs to get his coin on the floor but of course, Dazai is a menace and he needs to make everything extra harder for the both of them.

"Chuuya, you don't have to propose here in public— and in the grocery store? You're so romantic!" Dazai wipes his fake tears and gives him a small teasing smirk as if he's intentionally doing this to embarrass him.

Chuuya wants to hang Dazai upside down and spin him around until he pukes his guts out. Well, Dazai will not be playing this game alone. He can't let that happen. So Chuuya inhales deeply before looking at Dazai with a small smile.

"You're always shitty but Dazai... will you marry me?"

Now, the smirk on Dazai's face suddenly disappears as the brunette freezes and stares at Chuuya with slightly wide eyes and parted lips. He looks like he'll malfunction anytime soon.

Now, fucker, learn how to fucking take a joke.

Chuuya gets the coin on the floor and showed it to Dazai as a replacement for a ring, "Please fucking marry me."

"Oh my god, the gays are getting married?"

"No cap."

"He's showing a coin! A coin and not a ring!"

"These gays are unique. Stop being homophobic, bitch."

Chuuya ignores the words they hear from the surrounding. Dazai didn't answer him as the man is spacing out as if he'll foam in the mouth after a few moments. With a heavy sigh, Chuuya stands up from kneeling, and starts pushing the grocery cart while pulling Dazai with him, away from everyone surrounding them earlier. He needs to calm down. Dazai is silent while letting himself get pulled violently towards the counter.

Without any awkwardness, Chuuya clears his throat to speak, "I'm kidding. As I was saying, I want to ask you if you want to go on a week-long cruise vacation with me— not really with only me, per se, since there are people that will be coming with us— but will you go?"

Dazai stares at him and blink slowly, "Yeah," He whispers breathlessly and stares more into him. Chuuya starts feeling a little confused with Dazai's penetrating gazes, "Yeah, I will be there."

"Cool." Chuuya nods and averts his look from the brunette.

What the fuck did just happen right now?

"Chuuya," Dazai muttered and Chuuya looked at him.

"What?"

"Don't do that again."

Huh?

"Do what?"

"Asking me to marry you," Dazai whispers as if he can't breathe properly and Chuuya pauses, "You almost killed me earlier."

Wow. Chuuya felt a pang of pain inside his chest. Dazai doesn't want it? What does he mean he almost killed him? Is it because Dazai is too allergic to him that the idea of hearing him jokingly say "please marry me" kills him? Does Dazai really hate him that much?

Ah, maybe Dazai really hates him to this extent. Fuck.

>>>

Chapter Text

Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had... he thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish! But there's no way Dazai likes him back so in order to test that hypothesis out, there's a solution: make the Mackerel jealous. It is supposed to be an easy plan but... how could things get extremely chaotic?

CHAPTER 5: Dance with him and then dump him like a bratty Cinderella

Chuuya knows that following Lucy and Higuchi's advice will always result in chaos. And as what they've planned, the cruise ship vacation will take place now, and he doesn't even have an idea of what will possibly happen since Higuchi keeps on telling him that it's better to not know anything to avoid getting spoiled by the plot twist.

What the fuck does that even mean?

Well, anyway, he's slumped on the passenger's seat with his arms crossed. It's still around 3:30 am, and Verlaine's driving the car towards the meeting place. The place in question is quite far from Yokohama, and they’ve been driving for hours now. They need to be early. Chuuya's wearing his red turtleneck with long sleeves with his hair tied in a bun, and his eyes are droopy. Thankfully, he wasn't the one driving right now. He yawned with a frown on his face.

"You look like you've just recovered from vampirism, Chuuya. What's the matter?" Verlaine asked to lighten the atmosphere inside the car but Chuuya just groaned in response.

First, he wasn't able to sleep at all last night so he's very sleepy and tired right now. Second, he hates vampires. If he were to exist in another universe only to turn into a vampire, he would definitely kill whoever turned him into that species and kiss the gay villain who planned to drown him with a rat. Third, he wasn't able to drink coffee earlier so he's in a slightly bad mood. Beware, children. Always drink your coffee to stay sane.

"Did you just tell the children to drink coffee in your monologue?" Verlaine asked again, and Chuuya's eyes narrowed down.

They've got to be prepared for this life's misery, and a drop of coffee can help them with that."

"They're kids. They're not supposed to drink coffee at their age."

Chuuya raises his eyebrows, "I drank lots of espresso when I was a fetus."

"That's—"

"Without sugar. Pure coffee beans as our mother's breast feed."

Verlaine's jaw dropped, but he later on pressed his lips together to not use gravity and kill his brother's friends— I mean, he kept himself calm all throughout the drive. Chuuya's responses are becoming more and more ooc, what the hell is wrong with the writer of this fic? Anyway, it is probably Dazai's influence on his brother. Those two seem really close, and Verlaine knows he won't be surprised if the two would team up to kill him and Rimbaud in the future.

He sighs when Fifteen and Stormbringer flashback memories start to fill his mind.

Chuuya looks at his brother, and he blinks curiously when he sees how Verlaine's looking pale. He just ignores that and gazes out the window instead for a more dramatic vibe. The city lights are like fireflies in the darkness. It's a little misty, too. The silent and cold road looks hollow. Chuuya sighs and closes his eyes. He's really sleepy.

He wasn't able to sleep at all earlier since Dazai keeps sending him cringe-worthy memes. Mostly Dostoeggsky memes but whatever. After he went home from Arahabaki Cafe, he started packing his luggage for the week-long trip. After a while, his phone keeps on vibrating as it keeps on receiving messages from an unknown number. Of course, upon checking those messages, what Chuuya saw were nonsense memes.

Anyways, the most logical thing to do is turn his phone off and dwell into inner peace but Dazai's just a menace and it's hard to not kick the menace's ass virtually. To make the story short, he wants to sleep. He'll do that now.

After their who-knows-how-long drive, they finally arrived at their destination and Chuuya approved when he saw the luxurious multi-story cruise ship in front of him. It looks too magnificent and lavish. Akutagawa, Atsushi's boyfriend, is extremely rich, and since he agreed to cater this private vacation, he's just glad. Atsushi’s persuasive skill to convince his boyfriend for this vacation is one of a kind. Chuuya’s thinking about reconsidering his plan to fire Atsushi.

At the entrance of the cruise, the head butler, Adam Frankenstein welcomes them.

"Greetings monsieur and monsieur!" He smiles enthusiastically and asks, "Do you want to hear an android joke?"

"No, thanks, we're good—"

"Did you know that these fingers can bring a jolt down your spine?" Adam asked with that all-knowing, big smile, and Verlaine coughed silently when another Stormbringer flashback plastered within his senses. Chuuya pats his shoulders.

"Ok."

"And did you know that bungee gum is made up of rubber and gum?"

"Bruh."

"Did you know that I’m riding this horse backwards?"

Chuuya inhales deeply to maintain his self-control and keep himself sane. Adam helped them with their luggage as they walked inside the cruise ship.

Upon setting foot inside, the elegant architecture paired with pleasing interior design and colorful floral arrangements and art installations welcome Chuuya's eyes. It is extremely spacious with a fancy ambience. There is almost no one in the lounge area, and it's because the others haven't arrived yet. Since this cruise vacation is entirely private, fewer people will be cruising. Chuuya wants to look around the entire ship, but maybe he needs to take a nap first. He'll need that.

Adam guides Verlaine towards his room, just within the same hallway as him, before guiding him afterwards. The hallway on the cruise is fancy as well. There are elegant paintings on the side, and the marble tiles are truly exquisite. Adam is explaining some facts about the cruise but Chuuya's too tired to listen to all of that.

After getting into room 217, where Adam says his room is located, he thanked the man and brought his luggage inside. Chuuya's mouth crept into a small smile when he saw how spacious the room was. It's like a penthouse. He immediately prepared some clothes and walked towards the bathroom where a huge hot tub is located. The water is warm and he's sure he'll be able to rest well there without any intervention. One more thing, it’s too quiet and cozy inside this spacious bathroom, he’ll certainly be able to rest well here.

Chuuya smirks and takes all his clothes off before getting into the water. He lets out a satisfied exhale as the warm water starts to slowly massage his tired veins and body. He leans on one corner, closes his eyes, and slowly drifts to sleep. Fuck yeah, this relaxation feels good.

Someone splashes water on his face.

What the hell? Chuuya moans sleepily as he tries to ignore it— not until another splash touches his face again. Yes, he's currently in the water, and he has fallen asleep in his room. Wait, how long has he been asleep? Now, who would sprinkle water on his face when he's all alone here in his room...

Instantly, his blue eyes shot open.

And on the side, he saw Dazai sitting on the tub’s edge while staring at him with a small smirk planted on his face. Their eyes meet, and Chuuya blinks calmly. He’s half asleep. His brain won’t function well as of the moment. All he knows is he’s staring straight into Dazai’s brown eyes. No one averted their gaze, until Chuuya's eyes slowly landed down on his own body, who is now visibly naked in front of Dazai's eyes. Slowly, he looks up to the brunette, who is— with all due respect— still fully clothed in a respectable manner right now.

A beat.

Dazai's lips crept into a more sinister smirk again.

I'm naked in front of this shitty waste of space.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, DAZAI!?" Chuuya immediately shouted those as he felt his entire face warming up, "Seriously, what the hell, dude?"

The drowsiness fully left his body as he felt more awake than usual. It’s probably because of the water. He also grabs the towel laying near him before covering his bare cock, that which Dazai already saw a few seconds ago. Chuuya didn't panic. He just covered what needed to be covered, but he stayed on the water while throwing death glares on the man a few meters away from him.

"Curses early in the morning? How can you be so cruel, Chuuya?"

"I'm asking you a damn question, you social misfit! What are 'ya doing here? It's my room and—"

Dazai blinks innocently, "Oh. I understand now. So that’s the case, hmm? Let me cut you there, chibi. I was about to ask you what are you doing here in my room?"

Silence.

Instantly, Chuuya's head aches inevitably, "Hah!? It's my room! Mine. I was the one who first came here. My luggage is on the bed. You're the one trespassing here."

"Hold your horses, slug. It is my room. Adam brought me here. It's even on the list." Dazai suddenly pulled out a golden list of passengers and their rooms, "Actually, based on this list, it is our room."

If there are things Chuuya hates about being in a fanfiction that soukoku shipper authors write, it is the fact that he needs to deal with all these inevitable coincidental shits necessary for the plot. Like, what the fuck? Can't he just have a room of his own and just fucking have a peaceful life in a room that only he can enjoy!? Can't he just have that? Is this an another one-room-no-choice troupe where Dazai and he will end up sharing a bed at the end of the day because they have no choice and they're gonna be in love with each other and all that shit? Tch. The writer of this fic needs to work on the clicheness of the fic. Damn it. Well, anyway, he needs to calm himself down. Dazai is still looking at him and he has the audacity to look smug as well.

"No way, get out." Chuuya closed his eyes in exasperation but Dazai didn't move at all, "I said get out."

"You have no jurisdiction in making me walk out in a place that's not even your property or your ownership to begin with. It shall be punishable by law."

"Goddamn it, Dazai! I said get out of here so that I can fucking stand up and change into proper clothes. I'm fucking naked, 'ya know? Stop being filthy and give me a sense of privacy, will 'ya? Tsk."

Dazai just smiles at him before he stands up and walks out of the place. Thankfully. But before Dazai walks out of the room, he gives Chuuya a small smile again.

"It's huge."

Before he knew it, a knife was already flying in the brunette’s direction. Dazai immediately dodges it as he walks out of the room, laughing hard as Chuuya's face starts to turn flustered in extreme annoyance. Where in hell did the knife come from, you may ask? That's just a random plot hole; don't mind it.

After changing into his own clothes, doing a proper breathing exercise for longer patience, and stretching early in the morning, Chuuya walks out of the large bathroom and his gaze narrows when he sees Dazai sitting on his bed with his phone.

"I told you to get out, didn't I?" He started as he let a towel hang around his neck.

Dazai gave him a short glance, "You should learn to listen to me, Chuuya. This room is ours now. We are sharing it."

"Damn fucking it, who arranged that list in the first place?"

Dazai shrugs and looks back to his phone, "Higuchi and Lucy."

I knew it. Of course, it's those two. Chuuya sighs, longing his patience, and after giving Dazai a quick glance, he sees that an ao3 tab is open in Dazai's phone. This damn mackerel is reading a fanfiction, bruh. It's too early to get stressed out, so he immediately walks out of the room to find Higuchi in order to make changes in the list of rooms.

Don't get him wrong. He still likes Dazai, but he needs some alone time for himself in a certain room. This cruise is private and it is an understatement to say that there are a lot of other rooms that are not occupied. It's not that he doesn't want to share a room with Dazai but he's already sleepless as it is, and being in a room alone with Dazai is very gay.

He's not gay, okay?

—Fuck the allegations, he's damn straight so he needs a room for himself.

Chuuya walks around the spacious cruise ship to search for the blonde. The cruise will start sailing in an hour. As expected, there are few people inside. Just some friends. It's too private. From the pool at the top of the cruise, he saw Atsushi and Akutagawa chillin' while sunbathing. Akutagawa is holding an umbrella to avoid getting burned by the sun. Does that make sense? Chuuya doesn't know. He also saw new faces. It is probably Akutagawa's friends, or whoever they are; he doesn't have an idea. He'll meet them later though. For now, he needs to fix the issues with his room.

He walks away from that portion, and as he is walking on the cruise's hallway, he sees Adam again.

"Have you seen Higuchi?"

"Yes, Master Chuuya. She's in the hallway. You got to head straight, then turn left, and then turn right, then left, then right, then left, then—"

"Ok, got it."

Chuuya puts his hands inside his pocket as he walks to where Adam is pointing. He easily locates where Higuchi is since he hears banging on the wall. When he finally arrives in the hallway, he sees Lucy crossing her arms in an annoyed manner and Higuchi banging her head on the wall repeatedly.

"I fucking miss my Twitter moots and the dostoeggsky memes."

Chuuya's one eyebrow raises. Higuchi seems to be out of her mind while still banging her head. It's useless to talk to her so Chuuya looks at Lucy instead and asks, "Is she possessed? What happened?"

"She deactivated her Twitter account and now, she's like that." Lucy shrugs, "And yes, she's probably possessed by someone else because there's no way Higuchi would have the time to install a Twitter account when we're too overworked in the cafe. Fuck capitalism."

"Yeah, fuck capitalism," Chuuya agreed and looked at Higuchi, "Oi, Higuchi. Why did you put me in the same room as Dazai? It's not a part of Operation Mackerel. It's not a part of the plan."

But instead of answering him, Higuchi just kept on spacing out while still banging her head, "I miss that gay gay homosexual gay account. I miss my moots. I miss my moots. I fucking miss my moots."

"She's losing her mind." Lucy spat and exhaled as if she's tired of this shit.

"Reactivate it, then."

"I can't. I have to choose between gayness or my future."

"Why not choose both?" Chuuya asked.

"It's not easy!" Higuchi snaps and bangs her head again. Chuuya's now curious why she's still alive after banging her head multiple times. Higuchi's forehead has the strongest plot armor in this story, "It's..." the woman starts to get teary, "...I just miss the smell of chaos in that account, my gay threads, and the... eggs."

Chuuya nods, trying to sympathize because Higuchi's still his subordinate, and he wants to be a pillar at her lowest point, "That's tragic."

Higuchi stops banging her head and looks at him, "I know right. It's based on a true story by the way."

Lucy sighs, "In the loving memory of your gay Twitter account, rest in peace. Dostoeggsky will never be forgotten."

Higuchi nods, "Thank you, Lucy, you're a true homo friend." Instantly she seems to realize something so she looks at Chuuya, "By the way, manager, you can't have a separate room with Dazai. Didn't you remember operation number 5?"

"Operation #5, paragraph 6 section 8? The submissive must make sure to—"

"Prof. Dazai is in a different universe. This fic is SFW! There will be no fucking!" Higuchi snaps, and from the crowd she hears a boo, she then exhales heavily, "Why the fuck is the writer keeps on plugging their stuff here? Anyway, you've done the first and second operations, and later tonight, you have to do the third. The fourth and fifth are to be followed. For the fifth operation, you need to be in the same room as him. Now, Chuuya-san, do you finally remember it?"

10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

by Lucy and Higuchi. All Rights Reserve.

Operation #5: Bring another man into your shared room. That would make him feral (◠‿◕)

Chuuya nods and crosses his arms, "Yeah. Alright. Fine. I have no other choice, don't I?"

"Yep. Bear with it. Plus, you can also observe Dazai's behavior to get an idea whether he likes you or not. Just— just go with the flow and let us take care of everything from the shadows. Got it?"

"Tsk," Chuuya tried to calm himself, "Alright."

Lucy smiled approvingly, and Higuchi gave a thumbs up with her tears. She approves of this gayness.

After their conversation, Chuuya walks back to their shared room, where he sees Dazai finally finish on the fic that he's reading. The brunette looks up at him and as their eyes meet, Chuuya can already feel that his vacation in this cruise will not be as peaceful as what he expects.

You can also observe Dazai's behavior to get an idea whether he likes you or not.

"Are you going to just stare at me, slug?"

"Go fuck yourself."

"Are you going to watch?" Dazai asked teasingly, and Chuuya showed him his middle finger. Dazai chuckles, "Ah, this cruise will start moving now. Do you want to explore this place?"

Chuuya stays silent for a second as he thinks about it. He has nothing to do, and it's alright to explore this place with Dazai. It's not a problem at all. Shrugging, he pulls out his favorite hat from his luggage and wears it.

"Hell yeah."

Dazai looks at him with small amusement, "I just have to warn you that the breeze is quite heavy right now, Chuuya. You may lose your hat if you wear it outside."

"This hat is connected to my soul. I won't ever lose it."

Dazai nods in slight disapproval as if he can already see what will happen later. He stands up as they start walking out of the room to start walking around the cruise.

The two of them start exploring around, checking every possible route, and time by time they've met other people as well. They also try some food and as the cruise starts sailing, their lovely day starts. For today, they didn't do anything much. Chuuya spends his entire time bickering with Dazai, kicking his ass, and interacting. It's around afternoon when they decided to walk towards the dining hall to grab a bite on a cake or two, and they both froze when they saw Fyodor, the man and not the egg, whom they'd met earlier, sitting on one seat with Nikolai, the other man that they've met earlier, standing behind while shoving his finger with icing cake on Fyodor's mouth.

Chuuya and Dazai blink in unison before they look at each other.

"Gay people nowadays." Chuuya mumbles with slightly wide eyes, before it narrows down in gay suspicion.

"I think we're intruding on an intimate moment right now." Dazai whispered as they looked again at how homoerotic these two were at the fucking dining table.

"I'd want to eat a cake but I guess ‘yer right." Chuuya nods before they walk out of the hall, "Jeez. I want to take some nap. You go where you want."

He starts to walk towards his room, leaving Dazai alone on his own, before slumping on his bed. He wants to take a nap to regain his energy. He's always been a workaholic, and since this is a vacation trip, he wants to give his body all the rest that it needs. Dazai is still out of their room, and the man's probably out there doing Dazai-things that Chuuya doesn't want to know. Sighing, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

A tickling tip of a marker touched the tip of his nose, and Chuuya wrinkled his nose before facing his side. After a few seconds, another tickling feeling touches his cheeks, and his brows furrowed before he sleepily opened his eyes. He blinks calmly when he sees Dazai's face close to him. What the?

Instantly, his heart skipped a beat.

It's really close like the are-you-going-to-kiss-me type of closeness, and it should be prohibited. Without thinking straight, his body immediately moves on its own before he uses all his strength to kick Dazai away, making the brunette yelp helplessly before falling on the other side of the bed. A loud thud is heard, and Chuuya groans when he hears Dazai... moaning in pain.

Yes. Dazai, instead of crying in pain, is moaning right now.

If you still wouldn't believe what you just read, well...

"Ah, Chuuya!~ Hmmm, please be gentle to me!"

See? Moaning. And before Dazai could even continue his words, a pillow hits his face, followed by other pillows as Chuuya starts throwing stuff towards him.

"Shut up, what the hell are you doin'!? You’ve fucking awakened me twice in this day in the most unusual manner! Why the hell won’t you let me sleep in peace?"

"It's 7:00 p.m."

"Oh, okay, so what!?"

"Slug, did your mind shrink as you slept? There will be a ball in a minute. Everyone is downstairs, you should fix yourself and come with me now."

"Who are you to dictate my life!?"

"Actually, what I said is the message Higuchi wants to deliver to you." Dazai sighs as he stands up and calmly puts back all the pillows on the bed before crossing his arms, "Now, look at that. You look so ugly that you need to start washing your face and changing your clothes."

"Tch. Damn it."

Dazai stares at him with a lingering gaze that penetrates the entirety of his soul, "Looking at you makes my eye sore."

Dazai didn't take his eyes away from him.

"Really?" Chuuya raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms, too, "Whatever. I feel the same way, too."

The brunette just smirks. Chuuya sighs in exasperation as he walks inside the bathroom to change his clothes.

Chuuya prepared himself and wore the white tuxedo that Higuchi originally prepared for him. It doesn't take him long before he walks out of the bathroom, and his eyebrows raise when he sees Dazai wearing a white tuxedo as well, with one side of his hair tucked behind his ear. When they saw each other, they both paused as silence overwhelmed the place.

Before things get a little awkward, Dazai immediately smiles, until his smile turns into a smirk.

"I didn't know the chibi could dress well."

Chuuya politely shows his middle finger before tying his hair into a ponytail. He grins, "There will be women downstairs. I'd love to have a dance with the ladies."

"Oh, that would be the worst since no one would want to dance with you, Chuuya..." Dazai whispers that he's sad for the redhead, "Aside from the fact that you're pocket size, you're also too annoying for anyone’s eyes. I would pity whoever is mesmerized enough to dance with such a disgusting creature as you."

Chuuya inhales to increase his patience and not hang Dazai upside down right now.

"Listen here, bastard. Women would want to dance with me. I'll fucking show you what I've got."

"Poor women."

"Shut up!"

"You'll end up hurting them from the utter disappointment of being an awful dancer," Dazai sighs, "I suggest you dance with people close to you so it's easier to work on with them."

"First, I'm hella good at dancing! Second, with whom would I dance to? Verlaine? He's probably busy killing my friends— I mean, cooking in the kitchen with Rimbaud right now. Lucy? Higuchi? They're probably busy gathering teas about the gays. The other people downstairs? I don't even know them to get so close—"

"It might be an awful suggestion but I can spare some of my time to dance with you if you want."

They both freeze, and Dazai seems to realize what he just said without thinking. Chuuya's eyebrows raise and he blinks slowly.

"That's fucking weird."

"I know. I'm too kind for my own good that seeing someone with no possible dance partner makes my heart bleed," Dazai whispered, "Maybe I can dance with you and stomach the sluggy virus that you'll radiate again. I can work on that."

"Wow, I want to yeet you out of this world," Chuuya puts his hands on his pocket before walking towards the door, "Bold of you to assume I'll dance with you."

A few moments later...

"What did you just say 15 minutes ago, Chuuya?" Dazai whispers as they both stand in the middle of the dance floor. There are people around, dancing as well, "I bet you can't even dance well."

"Repeat that and I'll beat your ass."

"If you can really dance, then prove it, Chuuya."

"I'm a good dancer, fucker! You wanna see it?"

"Hmm, what a nice offer to conceal how awful you are. Be thankful, I'm a great dancer, too." Dazai straightened up, lent his hands, and smiled, "Wanna bet who's more of a good dancer between us?"

Chuuya grins and accepts Dazai's warm hands, "Sure."

When Chuuya says he wants to dance with the ladies, he's not even joking. But all the ladies in this place also want to dance with fellow ladies. So he ended up being pushed towards the dancefloor by Higuchi with Dazai. The woman even gives him an inspirational wink before whispering something in his ears.

"Operation Mackerel number three: Dump him on the dance floor like what Cinderella did."

He'd honestly rather step on Dazai's foot with glass shoes but that's an another story. Right now, he's standing facing the man, and a weird feeling starts to flow down his veins as Dazai stares at him without looking away. Sure, there's an annoying, teasing smile on his face, but his eyes glisten in amusement as they stand closely together.

"Don't you step on my foot, chibi."

"In your fucking dreams."

A calm gasp escapes from his lips when Dazai suddenly pulls his waist closer until their bodies are touching. Dazai's arms start to wrap around his waist, and Chuuya, since he's very gay— I mean, very competitive, he also wraps his arms around Dazai's neck. They're too close, and the lovely music starts playing.

Someone from the corner is singing too with his racoon as the backup vocalist. It's the shy Edgar but he seems good singing a soft romantic song.

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in, and you kicking me out.

You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down~

Dazai didn't let his eyes off him as they both swayed to the music. Chuuya feels the inevitable warmth from the man, and for a moment— this exact moment— he feels safe. He feels as if they're in a different universe where they're far from the pain and suffering of this world. He looks up and stares within Dazai's deep eyes. The music continues to play.

My head's underwater but I'm breathing fine...

"I hate that song's lyrics." Dazai mutters, and Chuuya nods in agreement.

"Same."

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind.

The music keeps on playing as the two of them drown in the realm of being together. For a moment, Chuuya wasn't able to see everyone else around. Everyone else looks blurry. Dazai's hair and his outfit suit him. He's still annoying, but if there's one thing that annoys Chuuya, it is the fact that his heart won't shut up from racing inside his chest. It's beating too fast for his own good. They didn’t dance in a very expert motion, they were just gently swinging while staying close to each other.

The lights are romantic, and the atmosphere feels calm. While swaying softly, Chuuya realizes something.

"Oi, Dazai."

Dazai pulled him closer as his deep voice responded, "Hmmm?"

"Do you think, if I start saying deep, sentimental words in our dialogue right now, this fic will end up angsty?"

The man blinks as his lips crept into a thin, calm smile, "It depends, Chuuya. But since there's no major character death in the tags, everything's safe."

"I guess ‘yer right," Chuuya nods, and because he's straight as a ruler, he leans his head on Dazai's chest while they are still dancing, "On our way here, I saw that there's a lot of stars upstairs. I hope there's still some tomorrow."

Dazai looks at him, "We can go up there tomorrow."

"You sure?"

"Hmmm. We're on vacation, aren't we? What we can at least do is make the most of it."

"Ok."

Silence ensues between them until Dazai's gentle voice touches his ears again, "Back when I was sick and delirious, have you heard me say something, Chuuya?"

Dazai's voice is serious while saying that. His one hand rested on Chuuya's back of the head as he made sure to gently hold Chuuya within his arms. The heaviness in the atmosphere only exists between them, as everyone around them is still too gay.

Chuuya closes his eyes as he remembers what Dazai said at that time.

"Please don't touch me."

His jaw later on tightened as he opened his eyes impassively, "No."

"You're lying."

"Yeah."

"Chuuya..." Dazai's voice is gentle, but there is a mystery behind it.

"I'll listen to you when you're truly ready, Dazai." He cuts him off, "I will pretend that things are alright if it means giving you more time to truly open it up. You don't have to tell me anything when it doesn't feel right for you. Do it when you're ready."

He sighs when he feels Dazai's strong hands caressing the back of his hair gently.

"It's truly disgusting to be with you, Chuuya."

"Yeah, the feeling is mutual. I fucking hate you, too."

Their dance was slowly filled with unspoken words that only the two of them knew and understood. Amidst the people in the ballroom area, they are exchanging silent bickering while also enjoying each other’s company. They muttered those within the calm music and while embracing each other. They didn't stop. Chuuya doesn't know how long they're dancing, but neither he nor Dazai want to let go. While still leaning on Dazai's chest, Higuchi's voice echoes inside his mind.

"Operation Mackerel number three: Dump him on the dance floor like what Cinderella did."

Fuck.

He doesn't want to do it. Not right now. Not when it feels so right to be within Dazai's arms like this. But not doing it means backing out of Operation Mackerel. Up until now, Dazai hasn't shown any evidence of his visible emotions, thus, Chuuya needs to do the remaining operation accordingly.

"Oi, shitty Dazai."

"Yes, love?"

They both froze.

Chuuya’s heart skipped a beat, and he felt Dazai's body pausing against him as well. His eyes widened a little as a silent gasp escaped from his lips.

"What the fuck!?" He murmured, shocked and surprised as hell, "What did you just say?"

"What?" Dazai blinks innocently, "I said, "Yes, slug?" What did you hear? Did your chibi height now affect your auditory system?"

Wait.

Chuuya's eyebrows curled in confusion. Did he really hear those wrong? Even he is confused. He swears, he hears other things. But maybe it is the music’s fault. There’s no way in hell Dazai would call him love. First, the man seems straight. Second, Dazai isn’t interested in him, at least from what he can see in the progress of Operation Mackerel. Third, maybe he’s really hallucinating right now.

"You know what—" Chuuya took a deep breath, "—damn it."

He took a step backwards, letting coldness plaster itself all over his body without Dazai's warmth. He saw a glimpse of emotion in Dazai's eyes that he couldn't explain. It's as if Dazai wants to tell him something but his lips are calmly pressed together. Chuuya, without saying anything, turns around and leaves Dazai alone on the dance floor like a bratty cinderella.

Operation number 3: Done.

But Dazai is his usual self. The beanpole remains unfazed by all that happened. As expected, Operation Number 3 is a failure!

"THIS IS NOT FUCKING HAPPENING."

The entire cruise ship vacation is supposed to be a vacation for Chuuya, but right now, it's as if the universe hates him too much to the point where unusually unlucky things start happening to him since he left Dazai last night.

First, when he woke up, he was leaning so close to Dazai; the two of them were laying beside each other with Dazai's arms wrapped around his waist. Please, nothing happened, ok? Last night, he got drunk after leaving Dazai on the dance floor, and he remembers how he tried to walk towards his room and slump on the bed to sleep after. He doesn't know where Dazai is but right now, as he wakes up, they're hugging each other closely.

What the fuck right?

If he's extremely flustered as he kicks Dazai out of bed early in the morning, we'll never know. But since this book is extremely gay, although no one in the cast wants to admit it, we’ll just assume that the both of them are flustered as they realize how very homo it is to cuddle with your homie.

Anyway, after Chuuya’s morning routine, he asked Dazai to join him again in exploring the cruise. There are still places that they weren't able to get into last time. Fortunately, Dazai agrees. Things are manageable at first, there’s doubt about that.

As usual, they bicker and tease each other.

And as usual, Chuuya wore his favorite hat.

But things got worse when they were on top of the cruise and Chuuya's hat was blown by the wind. Everything happens so fast. In the first minute, he’s boasting to Dazai about how he looks elegant with his hat, and then a second after that, a cold breeze blows and the hat starts swaying in the air.

"No, no, no, no, no—" With slightly teary eyes, he watches as his hat hangs on the edge of the deck. With courage, he runs towards where the hat is hanging.

"That's what I was talking about yesterday." Dazai commented behind him, and he gave the brunette a death glare.

If there’s something amazing about the hat, it is the fact that it’s the gift his parents gave him before they died. He can’t bear losing it since it’s very sentimental to him. Without hesitation, he walked towards the edge of the deck and tried to reach for his hat. His heart thumps inside his chest. He somehow fears losing it. As he is reaching for the hat, a huge wave comes across the place, creating a slight sway on the ship.

Another cold breeze blows, and suddenly, his feet slip, and with a sharp gasp, he falls on the water.

"Chuuya!"

Those are the last words that he hears as he feels his entire body sinking to the bottom. Instantly, he starts having BSD Chapter 101 flashbacks, and he feels his throat tighten when he remembers how cheesy Dazai’s speech in that chapter is. It makes him want to survive drowning so he can give Dazai a blow afterwards. The cold water swallows him, and all he remembers next is that an arm starts to wrap around him. The impact from the water is so strong that his consciousness immediately fades.

When he opens his eyes, they’re on a seashore. The waves touch his feet. The sun is still as bright as ever but its warmth isn’t painful to the skin at all. A soft huff escapes from his lips. He’s soaked, and it’s a little cold.

From meters away, he hears some words from someone that ring in his ears, "We’re stranded and lost."

With a slightly heavy gaze, he looks at the person beside him, and his eyebrows curve in confusion.

Dazai is with him.

They’re on a deserted island.

The cruise is nowhere to be found, too.

It didn’t take long before everything started to come together for him. Realization washes over his mind like a waterfall. He’s breathing hard, unable to believe the sequence of events as he looks at Dazai with disbelief. Dazai's eyes are calculating and serious. He's also panting and wet while wearing a life jacket. His hair is sticking to his face but he doesn’t look like he’s panicking at all.

"The water current brought us here," Dazai whispered, and his observing eyes remained impassive, "The cruise left. The waves drove us away from there. No one notices how we both fell into the water earlier. They may come back once they notice our disappearance, and as far as I can estimate, it'll take days before they rescue us here."

There’s a moment of deep silence.

If you're wondering what the fuck is wrong with this change of events; from being in one room with Dazai to being literally stranded on an island with the man, it’s probably due to the fact that cliches are very interesting. The writer is probably laughing their asses off at this occurrence of events while also being confused about whatever the fuck is happening in this book since basically, it doesn’t have an actual plot, and they’re writing whatever comes to their mind first, so if you are curious about what will happen next, the author shares the same sentiments because they have no idea what the hell they're writing at all. But anyway, that’s not the point. If Chuuya were to focus on one thing here, it would be the fact that they are stranded and lost.

He’s stranded on an unknown island with Osamu Dazai.

"Oh fuck." Those are the only words that Chuuya murmurs.

Dazai looks at him with a saddened gaze, but that gaze turns into a fake sad one.

"I guess I have no choice but to get stuck on an island with an annoying chibi. This is such an awful plot twist."

"Shut up! I don't want to be here with you either!"

"Another worst day of my life."

Indeed. They're stuck here alone with each other. With no one else. On an isolated island that they didn't even know was safe. They're with each other.

He's going to be truly alone with Dazai.

Now, his heart won't stop beating faster.

It's not a part of the plan, but nothing in the plan really matters because things happen unexpectedly when it comes to Dazai. He should panic, but his gay instincts are telling him that things will turn out well. After all, there’s no mention of a serial killer in the tags of this fic so it’s very safe to get stranded. Right now, he needs to focus on his gay instincts to survive.

He looks at Dazai again and the man smiles at him before waving a hat— it’s the hat that he almost lost earlier. That hat started all of this. Dazai was able to save it. The hat is all that they have right now.

"From this moment on, since you’ve been very lucky in acquiring all the unlucky things that can happen to any human being, I have one single request from you, slug."

He looked at Dazai but he didn’t say anything for a second. He knows it’s his fault that they’re in this situation right now. They're both stranded on an island with no one but each other while waiting for the others to find them. It’s all his fault. He pulled Dazai into this, so perhaps he’ll grant Dazai’s request.

"What is it?"

"While we’re on this island, don’t leave my side."

>>>

Chapter Text

Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had... he thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish! But there's no way Dazai likes him back so in order to test that hypothesis out, there's a solution: make the Mackerel jealous. It is supposed to be an easy plan but... how could things get extremely chaotic?

CHAPTER 6: A Very Non-Gayass Island Vacation

"Listen here, you piece of shit," Chuuya mutters dangerously while choking Dazai, "Get your fucking ass moving, or I'll break that ass myself."

Instead of trembling and fearing for his life, Dazai just smirks while being flustered. Chuuya knows that kind of flushing is also a way for this bastard to tease the hell out of him, so he just snorts and curses silently.

How did they even end up like this, and why the hell does his dialogue become this suspiciously gay?

Well, it starts when they need to literally plan a way to survive on this secluded island with just the two of them. It would be less hassle if only he brought his phone inside a waterproof bag for emergencies. It would be less hassle if only he informed Verlaine that he'd be touring the cruise and told him that if he didn't come back immediately, track him for emergencies. Chuuya needs to start taking notes of these simple life lessons.

The most important is: Never wear a hat in a breezy place. It will ruin your life. And don't do drugs. Drugs should do you— fuck it.

"From this moment on, since you’ve been very lucky in acquiring all the unlucky things that can happen to any human being, I have one single request from you, slug."

"What is it?"

Dazai paused and looked at him seriously. Chuuya can feel his scalp tingling with the intensity of Dazai’s gaze. He can also feel the vibration in his chest because of his organ within reacting to every little thing Dazai does. Just to clarify, he’s not gay, okay? It’s just that his heart is currently malfunctioning. His heart is not a reflection of his sexuality; that’s just some hasty generalization.

"While we’re on this island, don’t leave my side."

Instantly, Chuuya's heart skipped a beat, so he immediately averted his gaze, "The hell? Quit that gay-ass statement; it's making me sick!"

Your heart beating for some men doesn’t mean you’re gay. It only means you’re alive.

Chuuya pats himself mentally.

Dazai also averted his gaze with unexplainable teary eyes, "It's making me sick, too! Being here with you makes my stomach spin in an awful manner."

"The feeling is mutual, bastard!"

There's a sudden silence between them before Chuuya realizes something, "Oi. It's going to get dark in a few hours. If we want to survive here, at least we have to build a shelter and find some food."

"I'm so tired from swimming all the way here. Can't we just lay down in the sand while staring at the sky and—"

Before Dazai can finish his words, Chuuya's already tugging him up and dragging him towards the forest-like scenery within the island. He lets out a yelp of protest, but Chuuya's incredibly sadistic (by Dazai's wording) and mercilessly chibified (also Dazai's wording) that he can't escape at all.

After seven hours, Chuuya’s Adam’s apple moves sexily with the sweat sliding on his throat, and his muscles move slowly, blessed by the flexibility, as he moves his body with force whenever he strikes roughly. He is panting, gasping for air, and sweating hard— all while being topless.

And nope, they're not fucking, ladies and gentlemen. Don't get your hopes high. There's no smut in the tag, and this fic is for general audiences, so everything will stay innocent here. There should be righteousness and holiness to protect the innocence of—

"Where the fuck is that voice coming from?" Chuuya mumbles to himself as he finally ties the last part of their shelter with the sturdy leaves he gathered earlier.

His lower pants are dusty. His hair is wet from his sweat, and he's dirty from fixing their temporary shelter. He spends the last hours gathering woods and materials he can use to build a place that hopefully resembles a camping tent. He uses twigs to tie them all and uses huge leaves for the roof. It's not big, but it's enough to fit him and Dazai inside to protect them from insects and snakes that may lurk around.

Now, he's sweating profusely as he claps his hands to get rid of dust. Their shelter looks passable, and it's his own craft. He grins proudly. He assigned Dazai to find their food, so the man is probably out there, busy searching for anything edible—

He paused when he heard a mild snoring.

What the fuck.

He turns around and follows the little voice, only to find Dazai sleeping under some shed of a tree. He looks peaceful and pretty—

His eyes narrow tenderly.

—Pretty dead to him right now!

"Oi, Dazai!" He kicks Dazai's knee, and this beanpole has the audacity to shoo him away as if he's a mosquito, "Wake up! I'm done with my task. Where the fuck is our food? It's getting darker now!"

He's too busy building their shelter that he doesn't realize Dazai's been sleeping for hours!

"Food~"

"Wake up, dumbass! Oi! Come on, I'm getting hungry!"

"Eat me instead." Dazai whispers sleepily.

And sure, Chuuya would definitely freeze upon hearing that, but you're not you when you're hungry, so instead of being gay, his kicks get harder, and Dazai whines like a brat.

"I will fucking kill you, I swear!"

"That would be a dream come true~"

Chuuya grits his teeth and pulls Dazai's collar hard, "You won't start working?"

"Naur."

He inhales to calm himself, and after a second, he exhales and chokes Dazai hard.

"Listen here, you piece of shit," Chuuya mutters dangerously while choking the man, "Get your fucking ass moving, or I'll break that ass myself."

Instead of trembling and fearing for his life, Dazai just smirks while being flustered.

"That would be another dream cum true."

"Keep it PG, asshole."

Dazai finally opens his eyes, and when he sees the blue pairs of jewels staring down at him, his breath hitches. Sure, he's getting choked, but his breathing feels abnormal for him. Chuuya's eyes narrowed annoyingly.

"What time is it, chibi?"

"It's time for you to die."

"Don’t give the author some ideas; they might add a major character death in the tags despite it being a crackfic," Chuuya didn't hear what Dazai mumbles, but he saw the man sit down and blink. Dazai instantly froze when his gaze landed on Chuuya’s sweaty, sexy, and mouth-watering topless body. He blinks again, "Itadakimasu."

"Hah!?"

"I said I already have all our food."

Dazai pointed at the basket near them filled with apples, (probably) non-poisonous mushrooms, fruits, and McDonald's. Where did the McDonald's come from, you may ask? Don't mind it; that's just some plot hole. But anyway, there are fruits from the forest that Dazai gathered earlier. That should be enough for the day.

"Tch. Come here."

Chuuya walks back to their shelter and shows Dazai what he accomplished. The bastard just smiles tenderly in response. He didn't throw insults at what the shelter looks like; he just smiles and pats Chuuya’s head gently. It makes Chuuya kick his ass again, but for the redhead, Dazai smiling is better than a compliment.

After lighting the fire like some scouts, Chuuya's so good at all this stuff, they made a small bonfire and sat around it. They're in the middle of the forest, and the trees are surrounding them. For those who will complain regarding why they are lighting a fire in the midst of the forest, that’s dangerous! Remember that they have plot armor. The flames won’t bother them at all. From the distance, they can hear the calm tranquility from the ocean and the small sounds of crickets amidst the night. There are also lots of stars above, but no moonlight is seen anywhere.

While staring at the fire and eating, Dazai started.

"Why did you even reach for that hat, Chuuya?"

"What's with the sudden sentimentality?" Chuuya chuckles bitterly and adds, "They're from my parents before they died. They gave it to Verlaine, and then Verlaine gave it to me as a memento of our family. When I'm not in the shop, I tend to always wear that hat as it feels as if my family is there. Quite cringe, isn't it?"

"That sounds exactly like you."

"Now let me ask you something, too." Chuuya paused and stared at the fire as well, "Why did 'ya jump after me?"

Dazai smiles cheerfully, "It will be a waste for the ecosystem if a slug were to die. I'm an environmentalist, so I promote the environment's welfare—"

Chuuya snorts, "Tch. I knew you wouldn't answer me seriously."

Dazai shrugs and stands up, "I have no reason in particular. My body just moves on its own, I guess? Now, chibi, we both look dusty and dirty. Let's swim!"

"Are you crazy? The water is cold!"

"Don't worry; we're the main characters. We won't die of hypothermia." Dazai pulls his wrist as they walk towards the beach. Chuuya's kicking the man, but Dazai is too stubborn that he ends up getting carried like a sack of potatoes before Dazai throws him into the ocean without any mercy.

At first, Chuuya thought that the water would be cold, but he was welcomed by warm seawater instead. It gently soothes his numb muscles, and his eyes widen a little in amusement. He finally relaxes after a few moments and indulges in the warmth. He saw Dazai staring at him with a smile on his face.

"Since land heats faster than water due to the absorption of solar radiation in the land surface, the water molecules…yada yada (just insert some scientific explanation here, whatever)...in the night, making the ocean warm."

"That's amazing!" Chuuya smiles and deadpans afterward, "I don't give a fuck."

But Dazai is a stubborn piece of shit. He starts giving Chuuya multiple scientific examples of how it happens and even recites studies that Chuuya’s not sure if real at all. After a while, they end up swimming in the ocean and cleaning their bodies without any taint of gayness. They would bicker, stare into each other's eyes, pant softly in a heterosexual vibe with their bodies close to each other before averting their eyes and bickering once more.

No NSFW scene happens, ladies and gentlemen. If there is, there will be a detailed 10 thousand long word count to describe how they would fuck on the beach, but no, nothing like that happened. It's still a righteous fic after all—

"Damn it, why the fuck can I hear that shitty narration?!"

With all of that being said, the night ended with them sleeping inside the tent Chuuya made himself.

It was past midnight, and the crickets within the forest are heard audibly. The moonlight shines above together with the blankets of stars humming a melody of unknown gayness in the air. Chuuya softly groans as he felt a heavy feeling on his waist.

Sleepily, he opens his eyes, and he blinks repeatedly when he realizes that Dazai is now hugging him tight with the man's face buried in his neck. Dazai's leg is on his waist while the man is still deeply asleep. Chuuya wants to push Dazai away, but Dazai moves his face until their faces are so close to each other. Their lips are mere inches away, and Dazai's still deeply sleeping.

From the sudden distance, Chuuya's body froze.

What the fuck—

Dazai moved again and pulled him even closer. This time, he can feel Dazai's breath against his jaw, and his very straight heart starts cursing in French.

"Move, fucker—" He whispers sleepily, pushing Dazai away, but Dazai didn't respond, still devoted to his wonderland, "Dazai... get off me… you're heavy."

Chuuya uses his hands to touch Dazai's legs to push it off him, but he touches a huge flashlight instead. Since it's dark, his eyebrows curl in confusion.

If Dazai has a flashlight all this time, why didn't he use it earlier? Is it because of the battery?

He touches the flashlight again to open it or knock it on Dazai's head, but as he grips the hard thing, he hears Dazai's soft moan. His brows curl in even more confusion. He grips the flashlight harder, pulling it, and this time, Dazai's moans become harder, and he starts panting. It made his scalp tingle.

Seriously, what the fuck?

Since Chuuya can't barely move, he couldn't see the flashlight, but it feels warmer and it's... fucking shitty hell damn of a fucking piece of shit asdfghjkl—

When did a flashlight throb and pulsate?

He immediately lets the stuff go as he realizes what it was. Blood starts rising on his face, and Dazai's still panting like he's dreaming of an unholy dream. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Realization washes over Chuuya, and he tries to just sleep again, letting Dazai hug him to hide his internal embarrassment.

Still... there's a certain fact that he just found out now.

Dazai's flashlight is massive.

Holy shit.

When they woke up, dark circles were visible under Chuuya's eyes.

Dazai looks at him innocently, “Good morning, chibi.”

Chuuya gives him a dead glare before showing his middle finger. The man doesn't say anything as he starts finding some food. Dazai, on the other hand, is flabbergasted by Chuuya's sudden bad mood early in the morning.

They start finding some food together and swimming once in a while to clean their bodies. Chuuya keeps averting his gaze whenever he sees Dazai because damn it, he's angry. Very, very angry. His heart won't stop beating fast because of what happened last night and this... this odd, weird, nauseating sensation is the anger that stocks up his body because how the hell did Dazai acquire such a long and thick size!?

I mean, how the hell did Dazai sleep properly when he's hyperventilating in gay panic all throughout the night?

Anyway, that's not important. What's important is—

“Chuuya, why are you ignoring me?” Great, now Dazai is whining like a puppy.

He glares at Dazai again, doing his best to not look down there. It's scary. It's terrifying. Fuck human anatomy.

“Come on, Chuuya! What have I done? Didn't you sleep well last night? Did your brain shrink again that you feel smaller in size than—”

“Shut up!”

He now hates the word "size." This world is fucking unfair, and he’s eight fucking inches. Just how huge is Dazai’s— damn it, focus.

Chuuya starts picking some fruits on the tree they saw along the way. He remains silent as his vision explores around. His entire body is cautious as there might be dangerous creatures in this forest. He wants to have all the silence in the world to contemplate his life choices, but Dazai is following him non-stop.

“Chuuya—”

“Dazai, I swear, if you don't shut up, I'll shove my banana down your throat!” Chuuya shows the banana that he just picked to threaten the brunette, but Dazai's lips just curve into a sinister, lopsided smile.

“Oh?”

He hisses, and his eyes narrow angrily, “I will fucking choke you with this banana if—”

“Ah! How awful! Dying through being choked with Chuuya's banana in my throat is very tragic.” Dazai walks closer and kneels in front of him. Chuuya's eyes widen in confusion. Why the fuck is this bastard kneeling now? Dazai opens his mouth and stares at him teasingly, “Come on, chibi, suffocate me with your banana.”

That sounds suspiciously gay.

“Okay.” Chuuya replies, oblivious to what Dazai is pertaining, before he shoves the banana that he's holding down Dazai's throat without hesitation.

Dazai starts choking, and Chuuya ignores him before walking away.

The day ends in utter chaos. After Dazai gets isekai-d into another world for five minutes with being choked by a banana as his cause of death, he wakes up and chooses violence once again. He keeps pestering Chuuya the entire day, and he ends up sleeping outside their tent afterward.

Their third day on the isolated island is quite usual. Dazai learned his lesson not to piss Chuuya off (it's traumatizing to sleep outside the tent), so they end up having a slightly peaceful day. It was around 8:00 pm when they decided to make a bonfire and sit around it since the night is cold.

Chuuya thought that he will have another peaceful night, but then, Dazai casually says, “This is getting boring, Chuuya. Let's play a game.”

“The hell are you up to?”

Dazai grins at him, “Why? Are you scared to lose?”

“Bring it on!”

“Alright. Our game is the usual game used by soukoku fanfic writers to get us to confess with each other,” Dazai broke the fourth wall, and Chuuya just looks at him in annoyance, “Truth or dare?”

“Nope. I've had enough of that shit.”

“Come on, Chuuya, this will be fun.”

“Tch. Fine. I'll go first. Truth or dare?”

Dazai smiles, “Truth.”

How big is it when it's hard?

“How do you feel about your existence?” Chuuya asks in a nonchalant expression while internally chugging holy water for thinking about some unnecessary stuff five seconds ago.

“I don't feel like I exist at all.” Dazai answers, and Chuuya nods in understanding. Dazai continues while staring at him, “But sometimes, existing doesn't seem that bad.”

There's some silence, and Dazai grins as he adds.

“My turn! Truth or dare?”

Chuuya thinks for a while. If he were to choose the truth, Dazai might ask him why he's not in the mood to bicker yesterday. It will be revealed that he accidentally touched stuff that must not be named. That would be embarrassing as fuck!

“Dare.”

What could possibly be worse than Dazai finding out he knows his size, right?

“I dare you to kiss me, Chuuya.”

Chuuya unconsciously chokes.

His head explodes figuratively, too. He blinks and stares at Dazai to check for any teasing intentions, but Dazai is just smiling at him cheerfully like he didn't just drop a bomb. Chuuya looks at Dazai suspiciously.

Why would he dare me to kiss him? That's fucking gay.

“No homo?” He asked. It's better to clarify things as early as possible.

Dazai nods seriously, “No homo.”

“Okay.” Chuuya agrees easily. There's no use fighting the inevitable, is it?

He stands up and walks closer to where Dazai is sitting. He harshly grabs the man's jaw before leaning closer. In every second, Chuuya can feel his breath tighten. He stops some inches away, and stares into Dazai's eyes. Chuuya knows that this is probably a test. Dazai is testing him to tease him nonstop later. He calmly sighs as his gaze lands on Dazai's lips. It looks delicious. He wants to lean down and taste those lips. His heart starts racing inside his chest as his hand cups Dazai's cheeks. Softly. He leans even closer, and he sees a glimpse of unexplainable emotions in Dazai's eyes.

Is that anticipation?

He leans even closer, and Dazai closes his eyes, waiting for his lip.

Chuuya's internally trembling. His stomach is filled with a weird sensation (probably hunger), and his mind is getting dizzy. With a soft push, his lips touch Dazai's skin.

Dazai's forehead.

It's warm, and he softly kisses the man's forehead for some seconds before he pulls away. He grins at Dazai proudly, “No homo.”

He turns around, and he wasn't able to see a glint of disappointment in Dazai's eyes as the man's face darkened for a millisecond.

“What a shame, Chuuya.”

"Chuuya wasn't able to hear those words that Dazai whispered since his thoughts were filled with gay panicking thoughts, and his heartbeats were so loud in his ears.

It’s the fourth day since they got stranded on an isolated island.

When Dazai said that he's very lucky in acquiring all the unlucky things in life, Chuuya didn't believe it until he experienced what being unlucky is. Okay, first, he has firsthand experience of that unluckiness. Can you imagine being in a laboratory facility since you’re a kid, having your brother go on a killing spree with your friends at the receiving end, having a god inside your body until you’re corrupted, dying because of hanahaki disease— ah, shit, the last one is non-canon, no worries.

The thing is… he’s been unfortunate.

It was around afternoon, and he was picking some fruits again. Dazai is near him, doing the same thing, and they're bickering as usual while doing what they must do. The sun is almost setting, and the forest is quite silent at that time. As Chuuya tiptoes to pick a fruit, he feels a very quick sting on his hands.

He experiences what 'I feel chills running down my veins' literally.

Because of shock, he flinches a little and pulls his hand away from the fruit. His eyes widen as he stares at his hands and wonders why it suddenly stings.

Dazai, who is near him, rushes over to check what's going on, "Chuuya—"

Chuuya couldn't move as he stares at the two small holes at the back of his palm. Those holes look like a snake bite. It stings, and the skin around the bite is starting to get swollen.

Before his brain could even react, Dazai immediately kneels down in front of him and takes his hands. Chuuya's eyes widen when Dazai's lips touch the hole on his skin before gently sucking the blood and the poison out.

"Dazai...get the fuck up..." His voice comes out rather soft as his head feels dizzy.

Dazai's expression is filled with seriousness and hidden concern as he spits the poison on the ground. He sucks the blood again, doing the process a few times. Chuuya can feel Dazai's soft lips on his skin. He was about to think absolutely no homo thoughts when he felt his sight darkening.

Before he falls unconscious, he feels Dazai gently carrying him.

It was already dark, and the light from the bonfire outside serves as their only source of light. A pained groan escapes from Chuuya's lips as he convulses. His entire body feels painful, and he couldn't breathe properly. He's trembling all over, and it's so hot and suffocating. He gasps for breath, and small tears appear in his eyes. It’s cold, and it’s hot at the same time. Chuuya shivers.

From afar, or from up close, he hears Dazai whispering his name repeatedly.

"Chuuya, I'm here."

It's fucking messed up. His eyes are closed but Dazai's voice keeps him awake. Dazai keeps on calling his name for him to remain conscious. Desperation is also visible in the man’s voice. Chuuya's convulsion increases, and before he knows it, a warm body hugs him tight. He gasps as the sharp pain increases. His eyes are closed but he grabs Dazai’s collar tightly, asking for support. Dazai pulls him even closer, hugging him like he’s scared to let go.

Dazai is embracing him tightly.

The man is also caressing the back of his hair, whispering words he could barely understand.

"Chuuya, please..."

"Wake up."

"Chuuya..."

"I'm here, I won't leave you. Wake up, chibi. Please wake up."

The tears finally fell from his eyes. It stings. It’s painful. He wants to sleep, but he can't, or else Dazai would be unhappy. He gasps for air, leans his head on Dazai’s chest. There is perspiration on his skin, but he couldn’t care less. He must stay awake, but his flesh is weak. Slowly, he couldn’t make sense of what’s happening around him. He couldn't hear the other words from the man as he fully drifted unconscious.

He didn't know how long he had been asleep, but when Chuuya opened his eyes, his vision lingered in a familiar room. The hard ground where he and Dazai used to lay is replaced by a soft bed and mattress. This looks like the shared room they have on the yacht. But how come— were they already rescued? Are they finally back?

Damn it.

He huffs breathlessly, and his body is aching a lot, as if he's been beaten up without any mercy. He couldn't move his body, but he can feel his tissues and muscles aching. It’s manageable, but he still feels shitty. He groans and lets his head fall on the pillow.

"You're so attractive that you never fail to attract troubles, chibi."

His eyes narrow in annoyance when he hears Dazai's words. He was about to weakly retort a sassy response when his eyes landed on Dazai, and his lips automatically shut up.

Dazai is staring at him with a genuine tenderness. It's not his usual teasing gaze, but instead, he's staring through his as if he's trying to decipher Chuuya's health with all he could. Chuuya feels a warm feeling wraps around his heart when he saw how Dazai looks undeniably worried.

That warm feeling is probably the poison's fault.

Instead of barking a lineup of curses at Dazai, he just exhales and stares at the ceiling. Dazai is sitting on a chair beside his bed and he crosses his arms while still observing Chuuya's well-being.

"The day after you got bitten, the yacht arrives. I was able to prevent most of the poison from spreading in your body, but you still need medical assistance. Right now, your body's too weak, so you need to rest," Dazai stated those in his calm voice. He's not teasing or joking, "Is there anything you want to eat, Chuuya?"

Chuuya glares at him, "Stop acting concerned, it's fucking creepy."

Internally, Chuuya's screaming, shouting, and throwing up. His brain and heart are in riot. Fuck the poison, and fuck Dazai too together with his massive— forget it.

"I'm heartbroken with how you didn't even thank me, your savior." Dazai dramatically touches his heart and pretended to look miserable, "I'm willing to suck the poison out of you, chibi, willing to die with you, and yet you're thinking of my very sincere concern badly? This is truly awful, Chuuya!"

Chuuya growls deeply and clenches his fists. Dazai is right; he needs some rest even after hours of sleeping. But how could he even rest when this shitty brunette won't shut up?

He suddenly remembers those moments when he was delirious due to the poison. He's not sure if it's a mere hallucination, but he hears Dazai whispering his name repeatedly.

He also hears some almost inaudible sobs. Was it real?

But Dazai crying for him is very out of character, and it's very impossible. Still, the idea that Dazai stayed with him all throughout those agonizing moments makes him feel at ease. It's good to know that even when Dazai doesn't like him back, he's dependable when things are at the edge.

"Look! Look at my eyes. I wasn't able to have proper sleep because I couldn't ignore how your chibi body might be at risk, and the snake that bites you? I wasn't able to find it. I'm planning to actually grill that snake. My righteous heart is with you, but then you're still treating me badly—"

"Thank you, Dazai."

Chuuya whispered those words in a calm and serious tone. It's different from the angry one he uses every time he talks to Dazai. Right now, he's just thankful. He knows he was delirious last time, and Dazai probably doesn't mean what he's saying right now, but he wants to thank him.

And Dazai froze in his seat as he heard those words. His lips parted slightly before he regained his rationality and calmly curved his lips into a smile. His gaze is gentle as if he hears a precious word.

Thankfully, he stops talking, and Chuuya can now appreciate his rest in silence.

Ah, he still needs to clarify something.

"When I was... experiencing trouble because of the poison... did you..." He tries to clear his dry throat and continues, "... cry?"

Dazai remained silent, but the tender smile on his face didn't disappear.

Instead of answering Chuuya, he just stands up and leans closer to gently pat Chuuya's head. His fingers trail softly on Chuuya's hair before he caresses it for a short while. Chuuya watches what the hell is happening. Is Dazai possessed?

"Oi, what are you doi—"

"Always take care of yourself, Chuuya."

Before Chuuya could even respond, Dazai's fingers softly touch his cheeks. His thumb is warm, and it caresses Chuuya's cheek with such carefulness and tenderness. Chuuya's heart pumps even more blood. Dazai is staring straight into his eyes as if he's contemplating what he'll do next without letting go of his cheek.

It took Dazai some seconds before he paused. He eventually closes his eyes, takes a step backward, and averts his gaze. Without saying any more words, Dazai walks out of the room.

All Chuuya could do was blink curiously. He needs a hetero explanation for what just happened.

He unconsciously raises his aching arm to touch the cheeks that the man held earlier. It's weird how he can feel the warmth and tenderness from where Dazai caressed. Dazai seems to like touching his cheek.

Chuuya sighs calmly and stares at the ceiling again. Very well. As a token of his gratitude, he'll share his skincare routine with the man when he gets better.

Dazai probably just wants some facial wash recommendations.

>>>

Chapter Text

Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had... he thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish! But there's no way Dazai likes him back so in order to test that hypothesis out, there's a solution: make the Mackerel jealous. It is supposed to be an easy plan but... how could things get extremely chaotic?

CHAPTER 7: Dazai's True Colors (◠‿◕)

When Chuuya entered the Arahabaki Cafe with a triumphant grin and a good mood, the customers immediately knew that they were about to witness some nice shits.

As expected, Verlaine is on the counter and he's been doing his best to work hard before going back to France. He's been in this country for months now, and he doesn't seem too eager to go back. He's not rushing anything at all, and Chuuya's not complaining. Except—

"Well shit, the biggest and most famous coffee company sent an invitation with an opportunity for the cafe to grow!" Chuuya shouts calmly.

You might be wondering who the hell uses both 'shout' and 'calmly' together in a dialogue tag but they're gay so straighten your priorities.

"That's why you're late today." Verlaine said, smiling, "Fill me in with the details."

Chuuya grins, still in a good mood, as he wears his uniform and starts sharing every little detail with his brother.

Port Moonbucks International Café, the most prominent and leading giant in the coffee industry, reaches out to him! 

It's not much of a big deal, really. He just woke up this morning with an email saying he's invited to the showdown of different coffee makers across the globe. It is one of the ways the café gives opportunity to other smaller coffee chains and widens their names and influences as well. It's a month-long competition, and the one who wins will, of course, have an amazing price!

Guess what it is? That's right, gays! 

They're going to have the prize of internal peace and irrevocable freedom amidst this existence filled with despair and suffering.

With a consolation prize of having their cafe name promoted globally with different sponsors to give their business more endorsement internationally, and millions of dollars for clout chasing. Plus other normal prizes in cliche competition stuff, you name it.

Anyway, the thing is... Chuuya knows he should get the prize.

And he's in a good mood because he knows he will get the prize due to his main character privileges. 

That good mood was instantly thrown into the drainage when a familiar face of stinky fish walked to the counter. Verlaine bid a short farewell after hearing the details to work on the pantries, and Chuuya was left to deal with the annoying face of no other than Osamu—fuckme—Dazai.

Ah, shit. Typographical errors are inevitable. It's supposed to be Dazai—fucking—Osamu. Really. 

"You're smiling more than usual today. I feel like something bad will happen again." Dazai started with an annoyingly handsome teasing gaze.

Chuuya grits his teeth, "Nothing bad happens whenever I'm happy!"

"Oh? The last time you felt happiness, your friends were murdered one by one by your own brother." Dazai stated and Chuuya almost threw the blender on the man's face.

"That's in the main universe, you bastard!"

"It's not too late to make this fic a canon divergent—"

Chuuya throws a straw on Dazai's forehead and the man just laughs. 

"Anyway. I'll order the usual. Tell me about it after your shift. I'll be there—" Dazai pointed at the corner, his self-claimed seat—"Waiting."

"Bold of you to assume I'll talk to you later."

"Why wouldn't you?" Dazai asked calmly, his eyes glinting on something Chuuya couldn't explain but was enough to make his heart skip a beat, "Unless you want to talk to someone else other than me."

"Damn, it's Dazai's yandere era."

"The Devil's Temptation just finished and the motherfucking writer is on their way to writing another Yandere Dazai fic."

"Stop with the random promotions! Someone, please protect the crack and fluff in this story!"

"Don't worry, there's no yandere Dazai in the tags. The gays are safe from a bad ending!"

Chuuya's eyes squint a little in annoyance, "Does it even matter to you if I talk to someone else?"

Their eyes stare at each other, and Dazai's gaze softens a little, "Why are you so stupid, chibi?"

His lips crept into a lopsided smile as he pats Chuuya's head (playfully or homoerotically, no one knows) before turning around and walking back to the corner. Chuuya watches in awe, his heart pounding weirdly with just a headpat, but thankfully, Dazai's now too focused on his laptop.

What the fuck was that?

That's very homo. Tsk, tsk.

When the café is almost closing, Chuuya realizes that Dazai is the only remaining customer inside. Lucy and Higuchi had already left together with Verlaine because they believed in the motto, "An overtime with no additional payment is worse than a tragic death."

Well, fuck exploitation. All his homies hate exploitation.

And so, after he changes into casual attire, he approaches Dazai with a tray of frappe and strawberry cheesecake. Dazai seems surprised seeing it but Chuuya just rolls his eyes before he sits across the man. 

"It's a café freebie for annoying customers," Chuuya stated, averting his gaze before handing Dazai's favorite frappe to him, "You surpass the annoying level so here's some cake for you, too."

They're the only ones in the place, and it's good to talk amidst the silence. The lights inside the cafe are warm and vibrant, and Chuuya leans on his seat before taking a sip of his own coffee.

"Chuuya! Your height may be small but you have a big heart and huge di—"

Before Dazai could continue his words, Chuuya showed him a knife. Thankfully, the brunette shuts up. 

Chuuya, on the other hand, couldn't shut his thoughts up. Dazai bringing back the sizes makes him have internal Vietnam war flashbacks. He remembers how bulging it is, and how it pulsated against his palm— holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

Horny begone!

Dazai seems to read his mind because he starts to burst on laughing, leaving Chuuya with a death glare pointed at him. After a while of bickering about sizes, which is cut in this fic for censorship purposes, they finally divert the topic back into something rated PG. 

Chuuya told Dazai about the invitation he got and the man listened intently, chewing on the cake every once in a while.

"I understand. So you had an invitation, hmm? When is the competition taking place?"

Chuuya also bites a piece of cake and answers, "Next month. In other country."

"You'll be there for a month, too, right?"

"Yes," He said, "Verlaine will be in charge of the café while I'm gone. Atsushi will be back next week, and they will still have enough people to work here."

"I see," Dazai nodded and asked, "Have you checked the mechanism for the competition?"

Chuuya paused. He was so excited earlier that he forgot to read the other details of the attached primer. He's planning to check it tonight after he gets home.

"Wait a minute," He took his phone in his pocket, downloaded the attached file, and opened it. His eyes scan it for a while, "It says here that... the competitors will stay in a specific headquarters with all of their necessities being provided accordingly..."

"Yes, and?"

His eyes lowered and his eyebrows curled a little, "...and it should be by pair!?"

Dazai paused and blinked unfazed, "What are the chances?"

"Exactly! What the fuck is this!?" Chuuya reads the mechanism again, "If it's by pair, then how the fuck would I even join the competition? Verlaine will come back to France halfway next month, and he couldn't join competitions like this."

"How unfortunate," Dazai said emphatically.

Chuuya screams internally, "Lucy and Higuchi are needed in the cafe. Atsushi's mind is probably preoccupied with their honeymoon phase. Damn it, why didn't I realize this earlier?"

If he couldn't find a partner whom he could enter the competition with, then he's doomed! 

"I can feel your pain and frustration, slug." Dazai says looking teasingly sad. 

"Shut the fuck up!"

Taking a bite of his cake, Dazai straightened and looked into his eyes, "Because I am kinder than most people, I think it's my obligation to volunteer and join you in this competition."

Chuuya almost spits the frappe that he's drinking, "What the hell?"

There's a beat of silence. 

"You can use my body and my taste buds for your pleasure." 

Chuuya hears the stock market crashing and the planet Nebula exploding. Did he fucking hear it right? Not that he complains but what the fuck does that even mean!? Is Dazai serious? Again, he's not complaining—

"Don't make me lean down and wipe your drool with my lips, chibi."

Chuuya's heart almost leaped. That doesn't help his thoughts at all and he blinks rapidly to clear his mind.

"Stop being so damn gay for pete's sake! And what you're suggesting is definitely not what the competition is all about!" He averts his gaze and adds, "One more thing, you can't even make a coffee. Do you even know how to make one?"

Dazai sighs silently and thinks for a moment, "There's one month left before the competition, right?"

"Yes, and?"

"I can watch YouTube tutorials and prepare." He said proudly and Chuuya's mouth hung open. Yep. He'll lose the competition. 

"Oh fuck."

Dazai bites the strawberry cake again and waves the fork around lazily, "Chuuya, stop being pessimistic. We're all gonna die and there's no good thing in this miserable world, but at least you'll have a partner to join with. You won't be disqualified."

Well, he has a point. Chuuya reconsiders. 

"Tsk. You sure about that?"

"Absolutely."

"Then fucking made a promise that you won't, and will never, weigh me down. You won't intervene and you won't disturb me while we're in the competition." He said looking at Dazai seriously.

Not that he doesn't want Dazai to be his partner. He doesn't care, to be honest. But he can already imagine the possibility of Dazai being a piece of work, and him gay panicking while in the contest. That's dangerous. 

"I promise I won't weigh you down."

"What about you not disturbing me at all?"

"Chuuya, that request is vague!"

He smirks and nods, "Tsk, tsk. Nevermind. Fine. Then before the competition, I have to at least give you some training so that you'll know the basics in coffee making and preparing pastries."

Dazai's eyes brightened and he smiled enthusiastically, "I'd love that!"

"And I love y—" Chuuya's eyes focus on him and everything else goes blurry. Dazai's genuine smile made his heart clench in a pretty good way. Butterflies starts flapping their wings inside his stomach that he can't look away at all. He stares at Dazai and unconsciously think, 'Fuck, you're so beautiful.' Chuuya paused and stopped himself from staring at the man, "Stop making that fucking face!"

Dazai blinks stupidly, "You love what, Chuuya?"

You.

He silently cursed in frustration. Maybe he's been so tired working in the cafe and he needs to get a cold shower to exorcise the gay spirits in his system.

"I said I want to leave already. It's late and I'm tired as shit. Tomorrow, I'll have an early leave. You have some time after lunch?"

"Are we going on a date!?" The fucking reason of gay spirits possessing him smirks playfully.

"Don't be shitty. I said I'll train you, didn't I?"

Dazai's eyes narrow tenderly, "After lunch, then."

Tonight our music seems so right~

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Chuuya started with a soft smile on his face. 

He pulled Dazai's collar closer, and Dazai lips parted. He replies breathlessly, "Why? Because I'm like an angel?"

I wish that we could lose this crowd— who the fuck's playing that damn music!? 

All the glitters in the background and the romantic background music from shoujo anime glitches as Chuuya's smile turns into an angry grit. He grabs Dazai's collar harder. 

"No, asshole, you've been banned in hell and thrown by heaven because you're good at being fucking bad! Look at what you've done!"

They are standing in Chuuya's kitchen, or more likely, currently standing in a hell of a mess. Flour is scattered everywhere, and there is dirt on the blender and sink. The water's boiling too much in one pot, and the smell of burnt cake is prominent. Some coffee beans are thrown around, and the utensils are extremely messy.

It's an absolute disaster.

Dazai didn't push him away as he was leaning on one counter, wearing a blue apron, "Chuuya, is that how you teach newbies?"

Their face are so close and Chuuya's eyes landed on the mess of flour on Dazai's cheek. Holy shit. 

He lets Dazai go and massage his head. Since lunch, they've been practicing making pastries and Dazai is a pain in the ass. Earlier, they'd been bickering while learning things and before Chuuya realized it, everything was already a mess.

It doesn't matter though. He will win that competition and he'll make sure of that. 

"You're right. It's normal to create a mess on the first try. Don't sweat it." Chuuya boredly gets a handkerchief and gently wipes the flour on Dazai's face. The man was dumbfounded but he let him do it nonetheless.

After a while, he walked towards the table to clean the ingredients off it and added, "Just try to lessen the mess next time—"

Someone knocks on the door and they both pause. Verlaine's in the Arahabaki Cafe, and Kouyo's in the hospital. With caution, Chuuya opens the door and a tall woman with short, dark hair and a beautiful face welcomes him. Her eyes shine in a calculative brightness as she calmly smiles.

He blinks as his eyebrows raise, "Yes? Who are you?"

The woman's face beamed into an amused expression that looked very familiar, "My, my, you look just like your sister. Is Kouyo here?"

Ah. Probably her sister's girlfriend or colleague. Chuuya answers, "She just left for her shift."

"Is that so? I guess I'm late, huh?" The woman freeze as her eyes look behind him. Surprise plasters on her face before her lips crept into a smirk, "Oh? Look who we got here. The world is small after all."

"You know him?"

The beautiful woman laughs quietly, "He's my brother and I'm Yosano, by the way." Chuuya's expression turned perplexed, "I wonder what is he doing here."

Adjusting from the random yet mind-blowing revelation, Chuuya shrugs, "Well, we're practicing for some competition related to coffee and pastries."

Yosano looks surprised, "Is that the competition from Port Moonbucks International Café? I've heard about it on the news. They're very picky on the list of the cafes included in the showdown."

Chuuya nods proudly, "Yeah."

A strange expression flies across Yosano's face as if she's confused about something, but she seems to realize it, and her eyes meet Dazai's eyes who is looking at her with an equally strange expression. It made Yosano smirk teasingly at his brother but she didn't say anything, anymore.

"Very well. Good luck to the competition, Chuuya. Your sister told me how passionate you are about what you're doing. I wish you both the best," She was about to turn around but she looked at Dazai for a second and smirked again, "Practicing, huh?"

With those words, she finally leaves. Chuuya's left so confused by whatever her last words meant that he didn't notice how Dazai's gaze subtly darkened. He turned around and crossed his arms in an interrogating manner.

"Seriously, how many siblings do you even have, and how the hell do they coincidentally know my siblings!?"

Dazai's a little lost in his thoughts but his expression cleared again before a playful smile painted on it, "I have no idea, slug. Don't mind them. Ignore her. Come here and let's turn the kitchen into an amazing pastry haven."

A few minutes later, the house is almost on fire. 

A week later, Chuuya received a text from his friends. Lucy and Higuchi texted him in their group chat to ask for Operation Mackerel's update. He's topless on his bed while drying his hair. In a few weeks, he'll be out of the country with Dazai for the competition and it's a good thing that the bandage-wasting bastard is a fast learner. 

From: Chuuya

I've memorized the list but the paper's missing. Can you send me the digital copy if you have any?

Higuchi texted the list back, and he thanked her.

From Lucy:
Any progress so far?

From Chuuya:
Negative. No signs of jealousy whatsoever.

From Higuchi:
Bruh.

From Lucy: 
Bruh.

From Higuchi:
Sometimes I wonder what's the point of us being the friend for comedic relief if the main character's an actual joke.

From Higuchi:
I mean, no offense, manager. 

From Chuuya:
Remind me to cut your salary this month. 

From Lucy:
No, seriously, Chuuya. It's been— what? Months? Months! It's almost a year! But you're so dense to the point that I won't be surprised if you died single.

From Chuuya:
I'll cut your salary, too.

From Lucy:
Like how Akutagawa's neck was cut?

From Higuchi:
Hey! Have some respect for my brother-in-law!

From: Chuuya
Nevermind. I've done three operations that failed but there are still seven more so I guess it ain't bad at all.

From Higuchi:
No worries. We've prepared amazing surprises for you to make sure things will turn out well while you're honeymooning in a different country.

From Chuuya:
Hah!? It's for competition purposes! 

From Higuchi:
Trust us. I'm 100% sure that when you go back, you're already in a relationship.

From Higuchi:
Plus the writer probably wants to end this fanfic now due to their personal circumstances. Fuck them for rushing this shit! 

From Lucy:
Agree. Fuck them. 

From Writer:
What the hell!?

Lucy removed Writer from the group chat. 

From Lucy: 
As I was saying. There are still lots of upcoming chapters for the plot and it'll still be kind of long. 

From Higuchi:
Yeah, and then what? This will end after 10 years because the writer's so fucking slow in updating their fanfics? Just kill me already—

From Writer:
Why is it always my fault!?

Higuchi blocked Writer from the group chat. 

From Chuuya:
Stop the spoilers, tch.

From Higuchi:
Good luck, though, manager. We believe you can pull stuff out of your ass.

From Lucy:
You can do it!

From Higuchi:
Just focus and do the operations. Don't waste time, and be very observant of how he reacts. Okay?

From Chuuya:
Got it. It ain't that hard.

After talking with his friends for some while, he decided to just lie on the bed and scroll his phone back to the list of operations that he must do. He breathes deeply as he reads them. 

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

By Lucy and Higuchi. All Rights Reserved.

1. Ignore him and Be Sweet to other customers (◠‿◕) ✅

2. Bond with literally anyone else in Dazai's scope of sight. (◠‿◕) ✅

3. Dance with him and then dump him like a bratty Cinderella. ✅

4. Give your attention to others while you're together. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

5. Bring another man into your shared room. That would make him feral (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

6. Censored to prevent spoilers. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

7. Censored to prevent spoilers. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

8. Censored to prevent spoilers. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

9. Censored to prevent spoilers. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

10. Censored to prevent spoilers. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

Chuuya closes his eyes and indulges in his thoughts. He'll start packing his things next week, and despite how everything is going, he can't get rid of a strange feeling inside his chest. There's still a lot that he must do, and Dazai is one of them— he meant that not in a gay way.

"Goddamn it." He whispers in frustration. 

He tried to sleep but to no avail, he couldn't. His mind is filled with thoughts of Dazai, and the shop, and his dreams. Everything spirals within and he wants to shut it all off. He needs a drink. Despite the tiredness of his body, his mind's too active and the only way to calm it is through focusing on other things. With a sigh, he dialed Shirase's number.

It didn't take long before the man responded, "Chuuya?"

"Hey," he started and added, "You guys free tonight?"

"Why? I mean, we're currently in a bar right now! Hell yeah, we're free!" Chuuya hears the loud and wild music from the other line, "You coming? I'll inform Yuan and the others. They're dancing at the moment."

Chuuya grins, "They sure do. Send me the address."

He become friends with Shirase, Yuan, and the rest of the Sheep (they called their group like that, Chuuya has no idea why) for the past months. Since Shirase and Yuan are regular customers, and their friends give more income to his business, there are times when he would spend the weekends with them. It's fun though. He feels younger, and there's an unexplainable connection with the group.

It's as if they're his friends in the alternate universe who'd end up stabbing him in the back.

What are the chances? Haha, that's impossible. 

Anyway, he went to the given address, and from outside, he could hear the loud sounds of music. Chuuya walked in and he was instantly greeted by Shirase's smiling face as he waited on the door. Shirase's his friend, although sometimes, he wonders why Shirase's face always gets pale whenever they talk in the Cafe. When he once asked the man about it, Dazai instantly pestered him and Shirase fainted.

So weird.

Well, gays are prone to being anemic so Chuuya didn't judge Shirase's random pale expressions. Tonight, he wants to relax and have fun.

The bar's extremely noisy with lots of light. There's a VIP room for them since Yuan's loaded and volunteers to fund their room and food tonight. After drinking a few glasses of wine and talking to people, Chuuya walks towards the main area of the bar to buy an actual bottle of wine. From a few meters, he can clearly see the people dancing in the crowd. He wants to do that, too, but he'd rather drown in his wine. Is this a sign of maturity?

He stayed at one corner of the bar, enjoying his drink, when he saw a familiar face entering inside. His eyes narrow suspiciously and his heart clenches slightly.

From afar, Dazai entered together with a good-looking and tall man who looked quite righteous, too. Chuuya internally sighs. He hopes this person won't get influenced by Dazai's negative energy.

He remained silent while observing the sight. He made sure he was not visible from anyone's perspective. He watches Dazai bring the man to the opposite island bar and the two order. Chuuya knows he's too old for this cringe-stalking stuff, and he should go back to their room to chatter with his future customers (socializing can also be beneficial in terms of marketing the cafe), but it's the first time he'd seen Dazai with someone and he must make sure that this unknown person is not, in any way, romantically affiliated to that bandaged bastard.

It's for the man's sake. He's trying to save someone's life here, and it's absolutely not Dazai's life.

The two men start talking and it sucks that he can't hear their conversation. Because of frustration, Chuuya decided to borrow Shirase's disco hoodie and black cap for camouflage. He sat a meter away from the two, and those men didn't seem to notice him at all. That's quite an understatement since the place is filled with crowds and the part where the two are sitting is quite darker than the rest of the area.

"I've been pursuing you about this matter for years, are you sure about your decision now?" Chuuya hears Dazai ask those and instantly, his eyebrows raise suspiciously 

There's no way in hell he'll misunderstand things like this. 

The gentle-looking man kindly smiled and nodded, "Yes. I had thought about it for long. I decided to give it a chance."

Chuuya's eyes widened slightly. This is indeed very suspicious. 

"What changed your mind?"

Chuuya felt a creeping ache in his chest. Even Dazai's voice is calm and soft. It's different from whenever he talked to him! Is this how true love changes a person?

"I realized that I can't leave you all by yourself." The man replies, and holy shit, what the fuck that does even mean?

"I appreciate that, Odasaku." 

Odasaku. Damn. Chuuya's heart beats rapidly as he tries to think thoroughly.

Thinking about it, he doesn't know a lot about Dazai except that he has a massively long and thick… electromagnetic force of annoying vibes around him. Aside from that fact, Dazai's personal life remains a mystery to him. If Dazai is engaged in premarital sex or the mafia, he doesn't know a single thing about that.

Now, if Dazai is in a relationship with Odasaku, it only means that—

"Don't try to do things on your own. I won't go anywhere." Odasaku replied gently.

Chuuya's not into dramatic shits with sad background music and heart-shattering description, but right now, he can hear Conan Gray's Heather in the background when the bar's music is supposed to be CPR by Cuppcake! Whoever's playing that damn song is pissing him off.

The thing is, his ears deafen and he can barely breathe. Everything else turns blurry, and his eyesight gets fixated on how Dazai smiles softly at Odasaku, staring at him with respect and kindness he never thought Dazai was capable of. 

Chuuya's heart clenches in some itchy pain, rotting down his core.

His fist tightened and he tried to take a deeper breath. He's just a meter away from Dazai but he feels so distant. It's as if Dazai's in his own real world where he's not included. 

"I know. That's what makes me admire you." Dazai replies, and it makes Odasaku smile again.

That's it.

Chuuya wants to use corruption, strangle Fyodor, kick Fukuchi, and release Arahabaki because of how he's feeling at the moment. He doesn't feel like crying but he wants to punch someone to get rid of this uncomfortable heart disease from hearing Dazai's gay as fuck statement. 

That's what makes me admire you.

That's what makes me love you.

He couldn't help it any longer as he turned around, still feeling bitter, before walking back to the VIP room. Shirase welcomed him happily, and since the man was drunk, he didn't realize how Chuuya's gaze was dead and filled with homosexual misery.

"Chuuya! Have you drunk well?" 

"I'm going home." He answered in a raspy voice. 

Fuck that wine, and fuck Dazai for making him feel like shit right now.

Shirase blinks curiously, "Your eyes are turning swollen. What's wrong?" 

"Whatever the fuck's happening the recent manga chapter. Fuck Asagiri for killing Kunikida," He mumbled, and everyone inside the room glared at him for the spoilers, "Sorry. I'm just so pissed off."

"Why?"

I've been trying so hard to make someone jealous, only to find out that that certain someone is probably in love with someone else. It's not like he's gay and he's brokenhearted, but seeing Dazai's gentle and respectful gaze at someone else is something that he never expected.

Plus Odasaku is tall as hell!

They're suitable for each other.

Then go kiss motherfuckers. I ain't crying.

"Chuuya, your eyes are getting redder." Shirase pointed out.

"That's just my accumulated pain from every BSD universe!" He shouted, turning away, and walking out of the room.

He wants to relax and have fun but it turns out, he'll be slapped with reality. Dazai might be romantically taken. It made sense actually. That might be the reason why, no matter what he does, even with the help of Operation Mackerel, Dazai never shows any sign of jealousy or affection whatsoever.

That's what makes me admire you.

Those words echo in his mind repeatedly. He once dreamt of Dazai saying that to him, but now, it's clear who those words are meant for. Chuuy walks on the street, feeling exhausted and just dizzy. The cold breeze blows, and the nights from different establishments look astonishing. But he couldn't help but sigh and chuckle silently. 

Why is he so stupid?

All this time, why can't he see that someone is holding Dazai's heart already?

"Oh my god, this fic's turning into a cliche miscommunication fic!" someone from the street shouted, "Go talk to him and communicate, what the hell! I ain't dealing with dumb characters who can't even fix their mess through talk no jutsu!"

"Communicate, communicate, do you think it's easy?" Chuuya clenched his fists and because of anger, he shouted back, "Did you see miscommunication in the tags!? Huh!? If you can't deal with it, then you talk to him!" 

"There's 'more tags as the chapter continues', fight me!" the other person screamed back and added, "Just talk, dammit!" with extra frustration like what readers felt whenever a simple problem drags for multiple chapters because the people in it won't communicate properly.

Chuuya gets so angry that he just glares at the person. He does have a point and he'll definitely do that when he gets the courage.

He keeps walking, wanting to just drift into a peaceful slumber. It's a bad idea to go to this place. He should've just slept earlier. But maybe this is a blessing in disguise because he finally knew Dazai's true color.

It's a fucking rainbow.

He finally confirmed that Dazai is gay. Shit. 

He arrived at his house after some emo moments on the streets, mentally singing on my own minus the rain because it's the anthem of unrequited love. He saw Kouyo drinking water in the kitchen, and after some small talk, he walked to his room and groaned in his pillow.

It's so fucked up.

He doesn't want to be in an NTR fanfic and absolutely doesn't want to be the third party. He's too badass for this shit. 

He'll fix it. He needs to communicate, and he will communicate.

With a firm decision, Chuuya took his phone and took a deep breath.

He could've just confessed and accepted whatever Dazai's response. It would spare everyone from reading this entire 100k idiots in love and mutual pining fic with a sprinkle of miscommunication. 

Chuuya clench his fist. A confession, then, huh? It sounds easier than the actual deed. 

Well, he can do that. He can just confess.

He'll just trap Dazai in an elevator and drown him if he gets rejected. Or maybe he can just move on, and live his life to the fullest to unlock the good ending. Yeah. That would also work.

Without thinking, he gets his phone and opens it. It's been a hard day in the cafe earlier and he's very sleepy right now. Aside from that, he's drunk a lot and maybe this sadness that he's feeling is the result of the wine. Fuck. This will do. It's better to just end things here while he still has all the courage within him.

He will let Dazai go.

There's no need to do everything on the list if it's useless.

He would prefer it if Dazai's genuinely happy. Whether it's because of him or not. That would make him happy, too. It will hurt.... but Dazai's happiness is his priority.

Fuck, this sounds so real and gay. 

He facepalm and takes multiple breaths. After calming down, he typed silently, and let everything out of his chest. His heart is ramming wildly (because of the alcohol's influence) as his fingers move continuously. 

He kept on writing and typing and writing and typing until he ended up composing an entire five-paragraph-long confession message with the concluding words:

I think I love you, you piece of shit.

His heart beats extra faster inside his chest and his fingers turn cold. With a shaky breath and half-lidded eyes, he sent the message. He doesn't know if it's fear, because he's never afraid except for that time when his hat flew out of his head, but he immediately shut his phone off and pushed himself to sleep.

He's still having a long day tomorrow.

And he needs to face Dazai's response.

This will at least clear things up between them.

Chuuya's eyes drop eventually, and he falls to dreamland. In his dream, he saw himself outside a burning establishment and someone adopted him. The scenery changes and he's now in a car rolling to the cliff and he calls someone pumpkin before the car crashes. He screamed and woke up in the middle of the night, breathing hard.

Please don't let this fic be yandere. Please don't let this be a yandere fic. Please don't let this be a yandere fic.

He tried to sleep again and then the day after that, he prepared himself for the time of judgment. He takes his phone from the bedside table, takes multiple breaths, and readied his heart for whatever it is that Dazai has to say.

With slightly trembling fingers, he checked the messages but he receives no reply from Dazai which is odd as fuck. 

"Damn it, you're insufferable." He mumbled to himself, silently accepting the worst-case scenario.

Instead of Dazai's response, a different message pops up in his inbox. Chuuya's eyes widened, and he tried to comprehend what just happened. He couldn't move and because everything in this universe wants to make things extra hard for him (damn, Asagiri, look at your influence), a cold bucket of realization splashed and slaps his face hard upon checking his message again.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck—" 

He reads the reply.

"I didn't know you felt this way towards me, Chuuya. I like you, too, and I don't mind us being in a relationship."

Oh hell no—

His entire body turns colder when he finally comprehends how he accidentally sent the entire confession message to Shirase!

>>>

Chapter Text

Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:

OPERATION MACKEREL: 10 WAYS TO MAKE DAZAI OSAMU JEALOUS

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had... he thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish! But there's no way Dazai likes him back so in order to test that hypothesis out, there's a solution: make the Mackerel jealous. It is supposed to be an easy plan but... how could things get extremely chaotic?

CHAPTER 8: What the fuck's going on!? (◠‿◕)

Have you ever read a fanfiction when you know the characters are smart, but the plot is too dumb to intentionally make the smart characters do something stupid for the sake of extending the narratives?

Yes. Yes, that's fucking infuriating, right?

That's what Chuuya feels as he enters the cafe later than usual with a slightly heavy feeling. He's still a little hazy after drinking a lot last night, and when he thought the day couldn't get any worse, Shirase welcomed him in the cafe with a bouquet of red roses and chocolates. It instantly drains all his remaining energy, and he just wants to turn around and go home.

Dazai is happily in love with someone else anyway. What’s the point of pursuing his divine path to a mythic level of homosexuality, right?

“Good morning—" Shirase is even wearing a damn tuxedo, and he looks a lot fresher today. “—to the sweetest manager of this sweet cafe.”

Ah, go fuck yourself. 

Chuuya glared at the man, but that glare dispersed when he looked at the bouquet of roses. It’s beautiful, and even the almond chocolates are his favorite. Maybe it doesn't sound bad to eat some. Sweets can give endorphins, and since he's in a little bad mood, it can help lighten his emotions. 

He didn't deadpan like he originally planned and just sighs before accepting the bouquet and chocolates, “Thanks." 

Everyone in the cafe watching the scene gasps in disbelief. 

It's still early in the morning, but they can already feel the suffocating atmosphere in the air. It made their coffee taste bitter despite the public display of affection between Arahabaki’s manager and Shirase. All the customers feel their bristles stand up as the murderous intent inside the cafe heightened. Instantly, their pale face tilts towards a particular corner, and there their blood drops when they see someone sitting there with his laptop.

That someone, Dazai, is smiling while staring at Chuuya and Shirase.

“Oh hell no, I ain’t getting a part of a massacre today.”

“Don’t worry, they don’t care about NPCs.”

“But I’m one of them because I’m gay!”

“Do you even have a tragic backstory? No? Then shut up and enjoy your drink because we’re about to see some nice shit.”

Chuuya instantly feels confused about why his customer looks constipated when he receives the flowers. Do they want the flowers, too? Maybe he can ask Lucy and Higuchi to make a freebie in this cafe if the customer badly wants that. Freebie flowers and chocolates don't seem bad. One more thing—

He met Dazai's calm gaze.

And he instantly felt his chest ache with no homo. Dazai is even smiling at him as if the man is flexing his better love life! It made Chuuya's blood boil, so he just glared at Dazai instead.

Okay, what if you're in a healthy relationship with Odasaku, huh? 

It sucks that this entire make-Dazai-jealous plan is going downhill. Where’s the deus ex machina? Where’s the plot armor? Where’s the power of gayness? And where’s the money the taxpayers pay only to be corrupted by some people in politics? Fuck dirty politicians to the hundredth power. 

Dazai’s eyes narrowed gently, and his smile turned into a dangerously sexy smirk.

Chuuya grits his teeth in annoyance because his heart won’t calm down. He looks at Shirase instead, but why the fuck does Shirase suddenly faint again? Nevermind. He’ll talk to this guy when he regains consciousness and apologize for suddenly sending a wrong message. 

Turns out, Shirase remained unconscious for some reason and the customers inside the cafe had already given their personal eulogy. Chuuya decided that he’ll just send the man a letter of apology instead because all throughout the morning, Dazai pesters him with coffee-making inquiries to the point where the man never leaves his side at all!

Damn it. How can he move on when this piece of shit is so fucking clingy!?  

After lunch, they check out early because they still need to train, and as expected, Dazai is still a pain in the ass. Lucy is currently sick due to the pussy-eating-deprivation, whatever that means, so only Verlaine and Higuchi are left in the cafe. Thankfully, Rimbaud passed by and presented to help. Chuuya, as the owner, didn't mind it as long as they'd keep the kitchen clean from any dirty stuff.

He doesn’t need any additional flavor of vanilla in their cafe’s glazed doughnut.

After a long drive to their house, he parked the car, and when he’s about to undo his belt, Dazai leans closer to him until their lips are almost touching. His heart drops and Chuuya mentally curses in spanish language for strange reasons. The world turns gay — gray— and Chuuya freezes on his seat. 

His eyes widened slightly. Without hesitation, Dazai moves even closer until his lips are right next to Chuuya’s ear. Because of the seatbelt and the close proximity, Chuuya didn’t move a bit. He can barely breath with the heavy and hot pressure inside the car.

“The fuck are ‘you trying to do?” It takes courage to muster that slow whisper, and fuck it, he’s silently screaming and wishing that Dazai wouldn’t hear his heartbeat.

“Chuuya,” Dazai responded softly, “Are the chocolates he brought delicious?”

It is! A crispy almond roasted to perfection, covered in rich milk chocolate with a special coating that never gets your fingers sticky is a blessing from the gods— okay, seriously, it’s fucking delicious. With a slightly shaky breath, Chuuya says, “There’s no way in hell I’d share some with you. Those are mine.”

It’s his favorite chocolate! He’s also planning to mix some of it on the pastry that they’ll make in a while to ask Dazai if he thinks it tastes better in an updated version. He won’t let Dazai eat the ingredients of the almond chocolate cake in advance!

“Is that so?” Dazai whispered calmly, and if his eyes narrowed even more dangerously, Chuuya wouldn’t know that.

“You’re too close, bastard,” Chuuya whispers, and Dazai pulls away slightly and stares into his eyes. Chuuya can hear the graceful songs of angels and the loud rants of BNHA’s fandom with the manga’s ending with their closeness.

Dazai’s no longer smiling, but his eyes aren’t leaving him at all. “Am I?”

Because he’s built different, Chuuya tilts his face and lean even closer, his eyes soften, before smirking. Without thinking properly, he whispered, “Yeah, and you look beautiful up close like this, ‘ya know?”

That seems to have caught Dazai off guard as his eyes widen a little, ruining his dangerous facade. Chuuya chuckles and grabs Dazai’s chin with enough force to restrain the brunette’s movement. He licks his lips and hums to himself.

“When you’re looking this pretty, it makes me want to kiss you.”

Dazai only blinks once and Chuuya pushes him away. The man didn’t even fight back. He just sat back on the passenger’s seat dumbly as if processing what he just heard.

Chuuya removed his seatbelts and walked out of the car. The fresh breeze of air washed all the remaining heterosexuality in his veins. He inhales it back because he’s not gay, and that’s when he realizes what he said—

Did he tell Dazai that he will never touch the chocolates?

Chuuya blinks. No . It feels as if he said something stupid, but he already forgot what he said. It’s just that he was so focused on staring at Dazai that his lips probably said something. Did he say something? Nevermind. He’ll remember it someday.

After a few minutes, with Dazai still staring dumbfounded on the car’s front, Chuuya finally pulled him inside the house to start training again. At first, Chuuya gave him the basics of baking a cake. What must be done, and what cannot be done. Chuuya also discusses some fundamentals in brewing coffee, and Dazai listens intently while also being a menace.

“Too fine a grind will trap water, resulting in a bitter, unpleasant brew. A grind that is too coarse leaves coffee weak and without unique flavor. You must be mindful of grinding when preparing coffee,” Chuuya said, while his hands grind on the coffee beans. “Like this.”

Chuuya professionally grind the beans until they turn coarse. It will result in a thick, flavorful, and rich coffee taste. Dazai watches and even lowers down to check the thickness of the grind. He nods.

“All you have to do is grind it properly?”

“That’s exactly what I said, yes.”

Dazai nods as if he’s deeply contemplating the process, “What if it’s too hard to grind? Should I grind faster and rougher?”

Chuuya stares at the granules too and thinks, “It depends on the thickness of the beans that you’re using. But I recommend grinding it harder when the beans are too thick.”

“I understand. Do you like to grind hard?” Dazai asked in a serious manner, still indulging in academic and practical lessons.

“Most of the time, yeah.” Chuuya put the grinded beans into a cup. “If the beans are fragile, I prefer grinding slower but still with force.”

“Hmmm, that sounds delicious indeed.” Dazai whispers with a deep, velvety voice, eyes half-lidded with his lopsided smile.

“The coffee’s going to be very delicious,” Chuuya replied, amazed by how Dazai can easily understand how coffee making works.

Dazai also asked for grinding tips and techniques, and Chuuya answered them to the best of his ability. He’s a bit confused on why Dazai’s suddenly smirking and staring at him with amusement, but he just ignores the man as they keep practicing how to make coffee and pastry. After a few hours of doing it, Chuuya starts pulling out the bars of chocolate in his bag. He’s planning to add it on the almond moist cake.

Dazai saw it, and the playful smile on his face slowly vanished. He walks closer to Chuuya and pesters him again. 

“What are you planning to do with that?” He asked, using a different smile this time.

Chuuya put the chocolates in the bowl and put warm water around the glass to melt it. He deadpans afterwards and points at the bowl, “Guess.”

“Chuuya, are we losing funds that you’re not going to use actual cocoa for the cake?” Dazai asked, and he walked to a cabinet to get the dark chocolates inside it. Chuuya’s eyes narrow suspiciously since he didn’t tell Dazai where the chocolates are. 

The man shows him a bunch of chocolates, and Chuuya crosses his arms, “How did you know it’s in that place?”

Dazai calmly smiles, “For a tiny microorganism, you’re quite predictable, Chuuya.”

Without any hesitation, Dazai took the hot bowl with melted chocolates before walking a meter away from him. Then, in a blink of an eye, the bowl falls on the floor, and multiple glasses are scattered around. Chuuya’s eyes widened. 

Ignoring the messy floor full of chocolates and glass shards, he asked, “Were you hurt?”

That seems to have caught Dazai off guard again, “I’m expecting a rant of curses.”

Chuuya glares and clicks his tongue. “It slips off your hands, doesn’t it?” 

Dazai’s lips parted with that question, and to test the water, he shook his head, “No. I intentionally dropped it.”

Chuuya nods, “That’s my favorite chocolate, but okay.” He stands up, puts on slippers, and walks directly to Dazai to check his foot. “You sure you’re not hurt at all?”

Again, Dazai stares at him blankly.

“Ah, fuck. Nevermind.” Without thinking, Chuuya starts to scoop Daza’s tall body into his arms, carrying the man in a bridal style without any hardships. He’s pretty strong, and he knows it. Dazai’s eyes narrowed tenderly, but he stayed silent nonetheless. The man even put his arms around his neck.

Chuuya gently carries him towards the living room, and with a soft voice he says, “Stop dropping glasses off the floor, bastard. It’ll be a pain in the ass to see you get yourself wounded.”

Dazai was about to speak, but Chuuya mindlessly threw him to the couch, making him yelp, “Chuuya! That was harsh!”

With a small badass smirk, Chuuya turns around and chuckles, “Shut up. Don’t go to the kitchen until I tell you. I’ll clean the glass debris first.”

“No, I’ll help you.”

“You still owe me a new bowl and that same product of chocolates. Rest for a while.” He winked, and Dazai’s lips parted again in shock. His face turns pale, and he unconsciously grips his chest as if he’s having heart failure.

“Chuuya, who possessed you today?”

Carrying Dazai makes his mood better, but with that question, Chuuya instantly feels his heart ache in a bitter squeeze. Dazai’s strange reaction also shows that he doesn’t feel comfortable with how he acts. How can he forget? Dazai’s pale expression and tight grip on his heart is a clear manifestation of how such actions disgusts him.

Do you hate me this much?

Chuuya turns around to hide the affliction in his eyes before showing his middle finger to support his nonchalant act.

A month has passed since they started training together, and despite how hard it is to deal with Dazai, Chuuya can tell the man's improvement when it comes to preparing things related to the competition. Dazai is good with measurements, and with only a short span of time, he was able to memorize all the necessary measurements that Chuuya often uses in Arahabaki Cafe.

It's risky since it's basically giving Dazai access to all their secret specialties, but he believes Dazai has a lot of personal shit in his life to even waste his time messing with the cafe.

It's just— 

“Chuuya?” 

His train of thoughts stopped for a while when he saw a familiar face waving at him. From afar, a redhead man with a bandaid on his nose is grinning from ear to ear. He's holding a black bag, and his green wool jacket is wrapped around his body.

Chuuya blinks and crosses his arms, thinking. Who is this person?

They are currently in the airport, waiting for their departure to a different country where the ultimate PortMoon competition will be held. Chuuya is currently buying a coffee while Dazai is sleeping in the waiting area. Their baggage is being taken care of by the man, and that damn brunette, who keeps on whining about waking up early, immediately falls asleep.

“Chuuya! It's really you!”

Chuuya’s eyes narrow suspiciously. "Wow, you look like a double-spy government agent who infiltrated the mafia organization to the point of dying his black hair… rust red.”

Tachihara’s laughs, “Please add a manga spoiler in the tags after this.”

“I can also smell the aroma of brother issues in you. I mean, I smell that same thing on myself back in Stormbringer, but anyway, who are you?”

“I'm Tachihara Michizo.” The man grins, and Chuuya can see that he's got a not-that-punchable face, so he just nods. “We're classmates in college.”

Chuuya blinks and stares at the man. “Oh, you're that kid who—” he deadpans, “Nevermind. You're my classmate, you say? You know me, so yeah. Good to meet you again.”

Tachihara smiles gratefully, and since Chuuya feels bored waiting for their plane, he offers to buy the man a coffee as a compensation for not recognizing him immediately.

They sit on a nearby chair and chat for a while. Chuuya finally remembers what happened back then, and it's an understatement that he didn't recognize the man earlier because he indeed dyed his hair to the same color as him. They keep on talking until Chuuya asks something necessary for the plot.

“Where are you going though?”

“I've got an invitation to compete in the largest coffee-making competition.” Tachihara grins and Chuuya's nods proudly.

“That's amazing; you're going to be my fellow competitor, huh?” 

Tachihara's eyes widened, “You're going there, too? I've always known you like coffee, and you're the one who taught me how to brew a proper one in college. It actually inspires me to pursue a career related to such.”

“Well then, I guess we should see each other at that place. May the best coffee maker win.” Chuuya lends his hand, and Tachihara excitedly shakes it.

While smiling at each other, Chuuya feels his blood boiling a little. It's probably because Dazai’s getting closer. Since he had spent a lot of his life force with Dazai, he acquired a superpower that senses Dazai’s aura from a hundred meters away. He has now obtained a Dazai-radar, and that radar is telling him that the bandaged mummy is standing a step behind him. He looks up and raises his eyebrow when Dazai towers over the two of them with a wide smile.

“Chuuya, I thought you've been kidnapped already,” Dazai says in a joyous voice despite its rather personal subject.

“Shut up.” He stands up and looks at Tachihara again. “I got to go. See you there.”

Tachihara grins as well, “Yes. We'll definitely see each other again.”

Dazai remains smiling, and Chuuya silently feels down. For the past months of doing the operation mackerel, Dazai's always been like this. No matter who he talked to, Dazai never showed any hint of jealousy or protectiveness. Tsk tsk. It doesn't matter. So, what if he's in a good mood every day because of Odasaku?

Reality will always slap hard.

He silently remembers those times when they're training, and Dazai's genuine look of happiness is visible in his eyes. He probably wakes up with a good morning from Odasaku that his entire mood is extra better. Chuuya would ignore the slight ache in his chest whenever he thought about it.

Who is he to hinder gay happiness? 

But fuck, Dazai looks incredibly beautiful, smiling genuinely while he mixes flour and other ingredients. There is some splattered powder on his clothes, but he'd still look amazing. Chuuya's lips softly crept into a small smile, thinking about those scenery.

Because he's lost in gay thoughts, he doesn't realize that he's already staring at Tachihara for too long while still smiling calmly. 

Tachihara's face already warms a little with the intensity of Chuuya's gaze, and Dazai's smile turns darker upon seeing that.

“Chuuya?” Tachihara asked.

“Yeah… so beautiful,” Chuuya mumbles to himself, and Tachihara's face warms further.

But because Dazai is a fucking piece of shit, he stumbles a little, bumping into Chuuya hard. Because Chuuya’s naturally strong, he didn't bulge, but the force gets him out of those thoughts.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” He scolded but Dazai only smirked at him.

Dazai leaned closer, making Chuuya pause a little. His breath hitches when he hears Dazai's low voice whispering directly into his ear, “It's rude to stare at someone else, chibi.” 

Before he could react and defend himself, Dazai immediately pulled his wrist away. He didn't even get to say goodbye to Tachihara, who is as startled as him. Chuuya's brain malfunctions. What Dazai says repeats in his brain multiple times, and when they're finally on their plane seats with the plane taking off, he loudly scolds the man.

“Are you saying that it's not rude to stare at you!?” 

His eyebrows are curled as he genuinely blurts that out. Dazai's lips only crept into an amused smile.

“We’ll never know unless we try.”

“The hell does that mean!?”

Dazai fixed his position and tilted his body to fully face him. Only the armrest of the chair separates them right now, and Chuuya’s eyes narrow when Dazai rests his chin on his palm. Their close proximity made him blink curiously.

“Why don't we have a small game, Chuuya?”

His competitive side awakens again, “What game?”

“Whoever looks away all throughout the span of this flight is a chicken.”

“Bold of you to assume I'll waste my time on this shit.”

“Why not? We'll be able to check whether staring at each other is rude and we will be able to figure out who's more of a chicken between the two of us,” Dazai reasoned out.

It's illogical and it doesn't make sense.

Chuuya raises his eyebrow, not willing to give up, "No, homo?”

Dazai stares into him and licks his lower lip seductively. Chuuya follows that gesture with his eyes, and his adam's apple moves slowly.

With a small smirk, Dazai answered, “No homo.”

“That smirk looks so gay, but alright, let's do it.”

Because no one believes they're losers, they ended up staring and looking at each other all throughout the flight.

The plane eventually landed, and from afar, they saw the participants’ committee assistant waving at them while holding a whiteboard with their name. He's a tall man with blonde hair tied in a low ponytail.

Dazai almost slipped multiple times while holding his baggage. Chuuya, on the other hand, effortlessly carries lots of bags on him.

“Welcome to insert country’s name here ! It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Doppo Kunikida,” the man stated before adjusting his glasses and putting the board down to take notes on his notebook. “I'll be your personal assistant in the entirety of the competition.”

“What exactly is insert country’s name here , and why the fuck is it not properly edited out?” Chuuya asked and Kunikida looked at him with a blank expression.

“It’s disrespectful to say that insert country’s name here is a typographical error—” Kunikida shows a map and points at the country with an actual name called insert country’s name here , “—Mr. Nakahara Chuuya, Sir, you owe an apology to all the good people of insert country’s name here.”

Dazai burst out laughing and after he calmed down, he smiled with a mischievous intent, “Kunikida-kun, be kind to Chuuya. He’s professional at being clueless.”

Chuuya kicks his face, but Dazai dodges it before laughing again.

Kunikida didn't pay attention to him and looked at Chuuya instead, “Today, I'll bring you to the place where you can stay. You can utilize the entire day to rest as the scheduled programs will be conducted tomorrow.”

Chuuya nods, ignoring the fact that Dazai’s laughter sounds like an angel's choir. He instead inquired about the important thing, “There's no one bed troupe in the room, yeah?”

Kunikida nods, “There are two beds.”

Chuuya sighs in relief as the two of them start walking out of the airport. Thankfully, there are two beds! He doesn't trust his self-control to pray the gay away at night while sharing a bed with Dazai. It's for Dazai's well-being. He'd rather sleep on the floor than touch other stuff that must not be named. 

Because they’re far away, they didn't notice the changes in Dazai's expression.

Their first night together is nothing interesting, ladies and gentlemen. They just sleep in separate beds after the jetlag from the long travel hours. When morning came, Dazai's no longer in the room, so Chuuya took his time doing his usual routine. He also checks the schedule Kunikida gave him yesterday, and since the general assembly is around afternoon, he still has free time to travel around the city.

The contestant headquarters is a 20-floor building. The first 10 floors are filled with rooms where the participants all over the world are staying. The upper floors are where the events will take place. As Chuuya entered the elevator, he saw a familiar man running towards him. The elevator almost closed, but the man was able to enter.

“Chuuya, thank God, I see you again!” 

It's Tachihara, and Chuuya only nods briefly, “Yeah. We're on the same floor, huh?”

Tachihara scratches the back of his neck and chuckles, “I didn't know how they arranged the rooms, but, putting that aside, where are you up to?”

“I’m planning to get breakfast nearby. Want to join?” 

Since Tachihara's his college colleague, Chuuya sees him not as his competitor but as his fellow gay friend. Tachihara immediately agreed, and they walked outside of the building together before going to the nearest coffee shop.

As they sat and waited for their order, Tachihara couldn't help but ask, “Where's your partner?”

Chuuya shrugs, “I have no idea. What about yours?”

Tachihara grins and dials someone on his phone. After a few seconds, the dialed person answers. There's a beautiful woman with long, red hair tied into a ponytail, and that person is glaring at the screen. She's wearing a hat, and the woman doesn't look pleased at all. Chuuya can immediately smell anger issues and short-king vibe energy. He instantly knew they could be good friends in the future.

“Teruko,” Tachihara waves. “We're currently having breakfast here. Do you want some when I get back?”

“Shut up, wimpy Tachihara,” Teruko replied bluntly, and Chuuya nodded with pride, “Why'd you call?”

“I want you to meet Chuuya!” Tachihara smiles wide and tilts the screen towards Chuuya, who only smirks at the woman. 

Teruko looks back, and as if there's an unexplainable connection between them (since they're both redheads), she also smirks back.

“Don't disappoint us and fail in the first round,” she muttered. Chuuya grins with amusement.

“Oh? ‘Ya should be thinking of your team's survival.”

Teruko chuckles with an unhinged expression before she turns serious, “I'll wrench you to death.”

Chuuya reciprocates the expression as his eyes turn murderous, “I want to see you try.”

Despite the calm and cozy atmosphere in the coffee shop, Tachihara feels a wave of murderous vibe between the two, so he chuckles nervously before ending the call. 

“Sorry about that.”

“I like her,” Chuuya confirmed before grinning and lazily leaning on his seat. He can see himself in Teruko, and that's a rare occurrence.

“You're straight!?” Suddenly, Tachihara hears the crowd outside the fourth wall shouting, ‘Are you stupid!? Does he even look straight!?’, and he instantly changes the conversation before being canceled in this fic, “It's not important. What matters is the heart.”

“The fuck do you even mean?”

“It's okay to be straight as long as there's a little gayness inside you. Don't be afraid to show your true colors.” Tachihara nods as they accept their coffee and cheesecakes.

Chuuya rolls his eyes and says, “I'm straight.”

“As I said, I won't judge you,” Tachihara said gloomily. “By the way, what's the name of your partner?”

“Dazai.”

“That man is quite scary!” Tachihara blurted, “Did you see the way he glares at me back in the airport?”

“You're probably just hallucinating.” Chuuya takes a bite of the cheesecake and drinks his coffee before silently judging the taste, “There's no way he's scary.”

“That’s because love is blind,” Tachihara mumbles.

“The hell!?” Chuuya almost spits his cake as he glares at Tachihara. “It's that obvious? ”

The man only nods, “Hmm mm. You're staring at him like you're having an entire slowmo flashback of unrighteous things that shouldn't be included in this censored world.”

Chuuya remembers the way Dazai's smile makes him lose his head, and he internally blurts a lineup of Italian curses with how that fucking mackerel has infested his brain cells!

“Shit.”

"So... tell me about it.” Tachihara smiles like a best friend who wants a hot tea, and Chuuya only sighs.

“The usual cliche plot of not telling someone your feelings, and instead of being mature about everything, you walk down the fucking stupid path of making that person jealous instead.” 

Tachihara blinks, trying to think, “It doesn't work?”

“Yep.”

Tachihara's brows curl suspiciously, “Are you sure, or are you just dense, Chuuya?”

Chuuya deadpans and points his fork to himself, “Do I look dense to you?”

Instead of telling the truth and getting killed after only appearing in two scenes, Tachihara only fakes a cough and averts his gaze, “You said you're trying to make him jealous, and it's not working. Tell me about your plan, and I'll help you improve it.” 

And so, throughout their breakfast, Chuuya and Tachihara are talking about everything. They also ordered a lot of food because tea is tasty when you're munching stuff. Anyway, after an hour, Tachihara's face turns into a sympathetic one, and he wants to give Chuuya a shoulder pat for doing a great job making things worse.

“Didn’t you realize that you can just confess to him personally? Not in messages, face to face.” 

Chuuya silently exhales, “I'm thinking of confessing when this event is over. I couldn't risk being rejected while we're still in the competition, and I don't think I can do my best when things are... awkward.”

Tachihara sips his fifth cup of coffee. Gay problems are no simple feat to solve, “I understand. So you'll still continue this Operation Mackerel? Is that even necessary?”

Chuuya looked at him with a blank expression, “Did you read the title of this fucking fic?”

“Um—”

“Do you think I would do all of these shits and make the plot complicated if it isn't in the title, Tachihara?”

“Hey, chill—”

“Do you think I have a damn choice of using Arahabaki to the gayass author of this fic to get rid of the long miscommunication thing that's currently happening in this fucking story!?”

“Chuuya—”

“It's hella necessary!” Chuuya's fist stomps on the table. “If there's no 10 Ways to Make Dazai Osamu in the title, this fanfiction would've been a one-fucking-shot fic!”

Tachihara gulps at Chuuya's outburst, “Uh, you can just... not follow the plot?”

That's fucking interesting.

Chuuya paused and thought for a moment. Tachihara's right. There's no one pushing him to follow the plot. He can just confess right there and then! 

Fuck the plot.

Fuck the structure and outline.

Fuck the cinematic plans.

Fuck the 10 useless ways to make Dazai jealous.

Fuck Dazai hard—

Okay, the fifth one's not necessary, and there will still be no fucking in this fic as promised for all the beloved, innocent readers.

“You know what?” Chuuya grins and stands up before patting Tachihara's shoulder, “I'll pay for all of these. You can relax before the competition. Thanks, man.”

Without waiting for Tachihara's response, Chuuya runs back to their shared room, hoping that Dazai is there. As he entered inside, he saw the bathroom door open, and Dazai walked out of there.

His hair's wet, and his lips look juicy. Droplets of water are falling down his body, sliding on his flat and firm abdomen. There are a lot of scars on Dazai's body, and there's a thin towel wrapped around his hips. There’s a visible bulge underneath the thin towel, and Chuuya's eyes linger on that part for a few seconds before he looks up at Dazai's face, who is looking at him with the same perplexed expression.

“Chuuya.”

“Shut up.” Imprisoning his gay thoughts in the deepest part of his mind, Chuuya walks towards Dazai and pushes the man to the bed. 

It made Dazai gasp, and Chuuya ignores how sexy that sounds. As the brunette’s sitting on the edge of the bed, Chuuya put both of his hands on Dazai's shoulder. 

“Look at me, you fucking mummified beanpole.”

Dazai submissively obliged.

Their eyes meet, and Chuuya's heart melts with how beautiful Dazai looks right now. He’s been simping nonstop in this chapter and he wonders if he’s fallen so hard to the point that he became a whipped character. It doesn’t matter. Droplets of water are still on Dazai’s face and Chuuya’s heart pounds faster. He couldn't wait to let his hand run onto his wet, dark hair and wipe the drops of water on Dazai’s abs with his tongue.

Shit, focus!

Fuck the planned romantic confession that was supposed to happen in Chapter 30. Fuck everything right now. Fuck the technicalities, the logic, this entire world-building.

He's going to do what he should've done in the first chapter.

He will no longer follow the plot.

“Chuuya, what's going on?”

There's a beat.

“Dazai, I love you.”

Just as he said those words, a random bullet from God knows where appeared from the multidimensional gates and shot Dazai in the forehead. Chuuya's eyes widened as blood spurts from the man’s head, killing Dazai in an instant.

What's happening?

"So you'll still continue this Operation Mackerel? Is that even necessary?”

Chuuya's eyes widened even more as he was pulled back to the cafe. Tachihara is sipping his drink, and everything looks normal as it is. His heart starts beating rapidly with what just happened.

“What the fuck?” He mumbled and took a cup of coffee. As he raises his hand, the cup falls, and that's when he realizes that his hand is trembling.

“Chuuya, are you okay?” Tachihara asked, and Chuuya didn't answer before he stood up and ran outside.

He quickly runs towards the venue of the competition and goes to their shared room. When he opened the door, he saw the same thing.

Dazai's topless body.

“I love you, Dazai,” he blurted desperately, and the entire room exploded.

"So you'll still continue this Operation Mackerel? Is that even necessary?”

Chuuya's panting when he hears that question again. He's back in the cafe, and this time, he can't breathe properly. Tachihara's face turns worried.

"Chuuya, are you okay?”

There's no answer to that, and Chuuya realizes how serious things are turning.

This is supposed to be a normal crackfic; what the fuck is going on!?

>>>