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Gavin rubbed his eyes, stretched and slowly sat up.
He reached his arm over, out of habit.
The space next to him was empty.
Because Gavin had done the right thing.
He stood up, walked to the bathroom and turned on the light. He looked at his reflection in the mirror without seeing it.
"I just think it's wiser to stop things before they go too far."
"We've been together for over a year, we've already gone too far," Nines had responded.
"We are too different. I do not wish to stand in your way. "
"In my way? I don't understand Gavin?" Gavin could sense the incomprehension in Nines' voice.
"I do not wish to be a burden to you. "
"Gavin, how can you say that? " The voice was now pleading.
"I'm saying that we should... that it's in our best interest to... "
"You're breaking up with me. Say it. You've never been shy about saying things bluntly, so say it."
"Yes, I want us to break up, before it hurts too much."
He saw Nines' features contort with anger. His gaze was as cold as ice.
"You'll thank me eventually...it's the right thing to do."
"How can I thank you when you sacrifice me and our love on the altar of your fears. I thought you said I had the choice to do what I wanted with my life, but do you realize you just took that choice away from me?"
Gavin hadn't responded and had remained in the middle of the living room until Nines walked out, closing the door. And though he closed it softly, without slamming it, the sound echoed in Gavin's mind for a long time.
Gavin got through that day and the next.
The apartment was filled with Nines' absence, so Gavin spent even more time at work to avoid feeling it. He knew Nines' things needed to be packed, but the thought of touching anything that evoked her presence, or rather lack thereof, made him sick.
"Go home!" Hank ordered him out for the third day in a row that Gavin came to their house so he wouldn't have to go home.
"This isn't home for me anymore..." muttered Gavin.
"This is your fault, dumbass!"
Hank knew all about their breakup and had called Gavin an idiot more than once. "Go to sleep and think about the shit you've done. Reed, what possessed you to do that?"
Gavin shook his head, "You wouldn't understand."
"Really? You don't think I tried to get Connor to leave too because I was sure it was better for him? But then again, he pointed out that it was selfish because I was doing it without regard to his feelings and his ability to decide."
Gavin headed for the door to leave, "It's too late now. He'll never forgive me."
"It's never too late to fix a mistake. Before you leave, let me ask you a question."
Gavin looked up at him as he waited.
"Do you think you were happy? Not you or him, but the two of you, together?"
Gavin swallowed and nodded.
In a rare gesture on his part, Hank put his hand on his arm, "So don't ruin this happiness for a few doubts. We both know that life is hanging by a thread, so don't ruin this chance."
Gavin, with a lump in his throat, looked at his colleague and now friend with gratitude in his eyes.
They didn't need words.
Hank smiled gently at him and said, "Go ahead, dickhead."
Moments later, Gavin was walking home.
Once he closed the door, he realized he wasn't alone because he heard voices coming from the living room.
"Nines, did you even read all those books?" asked a voice Gavin knew. Connor.
"Almost all of them," Nines replied in a weary voice, and Gavin froze, "The ones I haven't read belong to Gavin, all of my books he gifted me because..."
Because I wanted him to know what it felt like to hold a book in his hands instead of in his head.
"He seemed to really care about you." said Connor's soft voice
" Yes, it was... rather unexpected," Nines said, and Gavin could hear the sadness in Nines' voice.
"You two seemed to complement each other so well despite your obvious differences."
"Sometimes that's not enough," Nines replied softly.
Connor didn't seem to hear her and continued, "You know for someone who is stingy with compliments like Gavin, he's pretty vocal when it comes to talking about your qualities."
"Shut up." Nines mumbled.
What did I do?
"Gavin loves me, I know that," Nines resumed softly. "It's just that... Like I told you, apparently it's not enough for him. It's not enough to give him a reason to fight."
"Nines," Connor continued, "I know what you're going through, in the grand scheme of things, I went through more or less the same thing with Hank. He did everything he could to get me to leave him. But I didn't let go, because I was sure of my feelings and his. So why are you letting Gavin break up with you? For the last three days you've been a shadow of yourself. You have to fight for him too. You both love each other. Everyone close to you can see that."
"Apparently, Gavin is blind," Nines said bitterly.
Connor didn't answer and sighed.
Gavin decided it was time to make his presence known. He cleared his throat and headed into the living room. "Hi guys!"
"Gavin!" Nines turned around, "I was just putting some things away. I thought you'd be home later."
"I decided to come home early today."
Gavin saw with his own eyes that Nines was indeed a shadow of himself, as Connor had said, of course he didn't bear the physical traces of it but everything in his attitude betrayed his sadness.
And I'm the one responsible for it.
By thinking he was acting for Nines' happiness, he had only made him miserable. Nines was right, he had been blind. The extent of his mistake was clear to him now. He took a step toward Nines, then became aware of Connor's presence.
"Connor... are you..."
"I'm leaving." He paused, looked at Nines, and his LED turned yellow for a moment before returning to its blue glow.
[Fight for it.]
Nines nodded and Connor walked away.
Gavin waited for the front door to close.
"Nines... I… fuck, I'm sorry, I made a big mistake."
"You think?" Nines replied in a bitter tone.
"I'm sure you did. I lost faith in us for a while because I overheard a conversation I probably shouldn't have had. People were comparing us and saying that I was no good for you. That I was holding you back. I could only see my flaws, I could only see how I could possibly hurt you. I didn't realize... I didn't know... I couldn't see what I could offer you anymore. I always... always destroy everything. I scare everyone away so I thought I'd better get you out of here before you leave me" Gavin couldn't hold back his words, nor his tears, so desperate was he to convince Nines.
"I love you with all my being, Nines. Without you, nothing has meaning, taste, flavor, light. And I realize that I am no longer able to live without you, so even though it makes me selfish, please Nines, come back to me. Stay with me."
Never had he felt so naked. So raw. And it was terrifying.
It was as if he had put his heart on the floor and Nines had a choice of picking it up or stepping on it.
Nines walked over to him and took his hand, "Gavin, how can you think you're not good for me? If you are not good for me, then no one is. You are not perfect? You have flaws? But everyone has them, even perfectly designed machines like me. I may be a baby when it comes to age, but I know that these last few months with you I was happy. We are different. Sometimes we clash rather violently. But I don't want to leave, because I am happy. You make me happy." Tears were also streaming down Nines' cheeks. He continued, his voice hesitant, "Even when you broke up with me, I knew you loved me and I didn't stop loving you."
Gavin clasped his hand in hers, "Nines, I'm so sorry for the hurt I caused you, for acting like an idiot. For letting myself be blinded."
Nines nodded, "Absolutely, you acted like a real idiot, a fucking idiot as Hank would say, but the harm you did, you did to both of us. You know, for a long time I thought I would be the one who would do the first wrong move, say the wrong word or do the wrong thing so that you would want to leave me, because you would get tired of my android side, because I don't know the first thing about life, for a lot of other reasons. I didn't think you'd be the one to make me leave."
Gavin took Nines' face in his hands and rested his forehead against his. Eyes to eyes, he said in a clear voice. "I am so so sorry."
"You really hurt me you know." whispered Nines
"I know, and I'll do anything to make it up to you if you'll give me a chance."
"How about you start now?" joked Nines, who leaned in until his mouth was inches from Gavin's.
Gavin closed the distance then pressed his lips to Nines'. Tentatively, hesitantly, as if it were the first time. As if he were asking permission. Then, overcome with emotion, he buried his face in Nines' neck and whispered over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Nines, forgive me. I love you. I love you so much"
Nines tightened his arms around him and kissed the top of his head then whispered against his hair, "I love you Gavin. I love everything about you. And I can't stand one more day of life without you. "
"I love you," Gavin repeated as he exhaled.
Nines took Gavin by the hand and led him to the couch, where he sat him down, then got into his favorite position, with his head in Gavin's lap. This time he faced Gavin and wrapped his arms around his waist before whispering against his belly, "Don't ever do this to me again, Gavin. Promise me you'll never give up on us."
"Never again," Gavin promised, "I swear." He leaned in and placed a long kiss on Nines' forehead.
They stayed like that for a long moment, savoring the moment, each other's presence, and the relief of regaining what they had almost lost.
**********
A little later in their home, Connor and Hank, snuggled together on the couch, were sharing a quiet moment. Connor broke the silence, "Do you think they're going to be okay?".
Hank didn't need to ask who he was talking about and was about to answer when his phone vibrated beside him. He picked it up.
I never thought I would
ever recognize you as the
voice of reason, but I must
humbly admit, this time
you were, you old fart.
Thanks
G. Your favorite asshole
Received at 8:30 pm
Hank chuckled and tightened his arm around Connor's shoulders, then placed a kiss on his hair before saying softly, "I think they're going to be okay."
At that moment Connor's LED flickered before returning to blue.
[Everything's fine. Thank you.]
Connor tightened his arms around Hank and whispered, "I think so too."