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Steve is a fuck-up in most areas of his life. He knows he is, he doesn't feel the need to hide it to himself when literally everybody else knows it. Besides, he truly believes in the idea that the first step to solve a problem is to know there is a problem. It's not just a figure of speech for him, he's got proof. He saved the world several times following this reasoning.
Know the problem.
His current problem – aside from the impending end of the world, of course – is a 5'10” metalhead that goes by the name of Eddie Munson. The only things he and Eddie have in common is their luscious hair, the fact that they should both be somewhere else in life, and the frustrating tendency to be surrounded by children. That's it, there's nothing else.
Steve doesn't like Eddie's music, Eddie's hobbies, Eddie's clothing, Eddie's way of speaking. And yet, he knows each one of those things in every detail.
And this right here, this is the problem.
He tried to deal with Eddie in several different ways so far, but nothing really worked. At the beginning he was a bit jealous of him. He felt robbed of the cool grown-up role he had in Dustin's life. Was he relieved of not having the little guy around all the time? Sure, a man's got to have his own space. But did he want to stop being Dustin's best friend? Hell, no!
And then he met Eddie, and he realized that Eddie was kinda like Dustin, but older and... well, more up the alley of interests Steve didn't even know he had. At some point he even thought that maybe – just maybe – some of Robin's situation had rubbed off on him, and then he realized that that was extremely homophobic. Bad Steve, he told himself (like Robin would have done if he had the guts to tell her what was going on through his mind), you are better than this. You are not homophobic.
No, Steve, you're gay. Or at the very least bi.
He never said that out loud, but it doesn't matter because he's constantly speaking to himself in his head and that is kinda like speaking out loud. So he might have inadvertently admitted to himself that he likes boys. Boy. Just one. Eddie Munson. Of all the boys, him. Although, admittedly, there aren't many boys in his circle that he could actually like without being arrested, so there wasn't much of a choice in the guys department.
Still, he likes that particular choice very much, judging by the control of his body which he totally lost lately.
The problem with the problem of liking Eddie is also that Eddie is a mess. Not just a normal mess, he's a dumpster fire. He should have graduated two years ago, he spends his time with younger kids playing board games, he sells drugs, he plays an electric guitar, for fuck's sake. He's the literal guy your mother warns you about if you're a girl because she doesn't want you to end up pregnant and alone at fifteen, leave school and be a single mom working as a cashier in a sad mini-market for the rest of your life.
Except that Steve's not a girl and he's already a single father of six working at a video store so it wouldn't be Eddie's fault, right? It's not like Eddie Munson can ruin his life. Certainly, though, one should strive to better himself and their partner.
I could fix him.
Steve is honest with himself enough to admit he did think that once or twice. The idea having a certain appeal – Robin would have a field day if she was given the chance to spend ten minutes in his head lately – but he knows that would be a lost cause. A dumpster fire doesn't stop burning, especially if you put a second dumpster fire right next to it.
So, of course, his brain just swerves in a completely different direction. If you can't fix him, embrace him. Something of the sort.
He might have made a face or a sound because Eddie goes, “Harrington, you're making that face again. If you want to brush my hair and call me baby girl, I'm not totally against the idea but you have to buy me dinner first.”
And then he's gone, thank God for small mercies, so Steve can start digging a hole in the ground and bury himself in it.