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The last time he had celebrated his birthday – at least one he remembered – Xue Yang had been a scrawny six years old more or less. He wasn´t really sure about his age, but he knew that mom had been around.
Not around around , more passed out than anything else but she had been alive.
Xue Yang remembers a hot summer day and sitting in front of their door when mom´s friend visited. He had been there, busy playing to poke ants with a stick when a neighbor showed up.
The teen was as scrawny as Xue Yang, just taller and older. Messy hair dyed green framing a constant smirk. He looked so punchable, but he was nice and cursed all the times.
Xue Yang liked the weird green neighbor and the weird neighbor had sat by his side, frowning at the sounds at the other side of the door. Xue Yang didn´t remembered their chat, but he remembered the chocolate muffin with a single green candle that the teen had offered him with a shrug.
He had lightened the candle and then a cigarette – or a joint Xue Yang wasn’t really sure – and well, no one cared about the kids scraped around the building and he had a muffin, so the smoke and the smell didn´t really bothered him.
Anyway, green weird neighbor disappeared in the end of the month after his rich cousin picked him up from that shitty place and mom died a few months later and Xue Yang was left alone in the shitty building who didn´t gave a fuck about him.
But he had kept that single green candle in a shoe box, the one keeping all his things and yes, maybe they were few, but it was his and, for years after that the little shoe box had been the only thing really his.
In the following years he just existed, more or less aware of mom passing away.
He was a smart kid, people always told him that and he knew that mom was gone forever and that Chang Cian allowing him to stay instead of kicking him up was just the less bad of the bad options.
Going to school was complicated when you were too hungry to focus or when you had to skip classes in order to clean the house or do errands for Chang Cian. Soon he was behind others in his year and when the decision came Chang Cian signed him out of school instead of taking the year again.
Xue Yang hadn´t really cared, with Chang Cian and some other neighbors errands he gained some cash, saving it in the shoe box along with the few things that were really his.
The red necklace mom had gained for him in the arcade.
The old cat plushie he had found in the street.
The single green candle.
More years went by and then something changed when Song Lan and Xiao XIngchen entered his life.
Song Lan and Xiao XIngchen were weird.
Like, so fucking weird.
Xiao Xingchen was some kind of social assistant and, after the police had inspected Xue Yang´s home all the kids had been taken to orphanages or shelters until anyone decided what to do with them.
And, for some reason, Xiao Xingchen had seen him: a small kid – almost a teen – and had decided that yes, the stray cat with anger issues will be perfect for his home.
Xue Yang had been in foster care before, when police found him stealing and took him to social care and he ended in a foster care home where no one cared about him the same way no one did in the old building.
The difference was that foster parents did it for the money most of the time, the government gave them money in exchange of taking care of the kids but then there were so many kids and they were confined to a shitty room. And most of the foster homes he had been in were managed by white people who got mad when he spoke in Chinese, even if the only words he knew in English were curse ones.
He used to run away or annoy them until they kicked him out. Yes, Chang Cian was terrible, but at least he knew that it was bad, the surprise that came with a new foster home always had him about to jump like a cornered animal.
Now, after three months of living with the couple and their annoying daughter, they hadn´t tried to kick them out. Not when Xue Yang cursed or failed a test because yes, they had signed him for school again. They weren´t mad when he hidden under beds or inside closets to run away from discussions and, if he runed away they went after him, searching him to bring Xue Yang back to their fancy home.
Why would someone want to bring Xue Yang close? He was a dirty thing who would just stain them but month after month, nothing happened. Even Song Lan who was as weird as his husband and hated anything that was dirty, touched him.
He patted his shoulder or his head when he did something good or finished his homework.
And if Song Lan hated dirty things why didn´t he recoils from Xue Yang?
At first, he had thought so bad of them.
It wasn´t that uncommon for foster care adults to be into... cruel and bad stuff.
One of Xue Yang foster father used to open the doors at any moment, not caring to knock and Chang Cian home used to have a strict rule against closed doors. There was no privacy, nothing was really his except that shoe box and now...
Now Xue Yang could shower and change with a closed door behind him, there was a knock in his door and they waited for permission to enter before telling him that dinner was ready.
Xiao Xingchen had asked him for consent before sitting Xue Yang in a stool for a haircut and he had never hugged him after Xue Yang froze at it the first day.
They were weird.
And good.
And nice.
And it felt to much because he was fourteen and he shouldn´t be crying or shivering over affection, but it was so strange to him, an unknow feeling that tried to choke him when he was left alone in his bed at night, looking at the ceiling of a room that was his.
A room he had been told to decorate and fill with everything he wanted. He owned a space, he was cared and in exchange for that, they just asked for trust.
Even they´re daughter, A-Qing, was weird. But she was another kind of weird.
A-Qing was five years younger than him but still cursed like a sailor and was so ready to throw hands that Xue Yang couldn´t find himself hating her.
She was also an orphan and they had picked her out from an orphanage that had been shouted down for negligence so, in the end of the day, she was quite similar to him. They fought a lot about stupid things.
What ice cream flavor was best, why terror films suck or who was dumber. It felt nice, having someone with he could banter about things and who understood him.
Before he could notice another year passed and he found himself starring through the window of a hot July morning.
He hated summer, just a little less than winter. Xue Yang hated the heat and the clothes glued to his skin because of sweat. He hated the sun burning his skin, even if he usually just got tanner and never really burned. He hated how long days were and how nights were too short.
But now he hated summer even more, with his fifteen-birthday arriving and two furry things curled against him despite of the heat. Xue Yang was a furnace and his parents, legal tutors or whatever they were cats seemed to love it.
Fuxue snored very lowly, almost imperceptible, but there it was, being the only thing that was heard in the room next to Xue Yang breath who didn´t even knew that cats snored until he had met this cat. Fuxue was always like this, clinging Ing to the humans in the house and for contact and pets. Shuanghua was quieter, just like when he was awake. He was an old cat, more like Fuxue and maybe older than Xue Yang, he was almost deaf and blind. Shuanghua white fur tickled him and he finally snaped out of his head, stretching and yawning as he jumped out of the bed.
He considered the binder for a moment but then decided that no, it was to hot to even try, and threw an oversized thin shirt over his head. It was early in the morning but Xue Yang didn´t knew how to sleep.
One he was awake his body refused to go back to sleep, no matter how early or tired he was. So, he could better use that time.
The house was empty and he cheeked his phone.
08:00 am. Song Lan was probably out for his morning run and Xiao XIngchen should be in the balcony of their room doing meditation or taking care of the little garden that he had there.
A-Qing´s door was close, she must be sleeping like any sane person would do during summer, but here he was, perched in the couch with a book and glass of water.
He got lost on it, he may not look at it but Xue Yang loved reading and he had devoured all the books that the couple had lying around the house and, after that, he had gone for the high school library.
Xue Yang was really invested in how the protagonist sneaked a guy out of prison when the door opened and Song Lan entered in the house, kicking his sneakers out before leaving something in the kitchen.
“Hi,” he waved, eyes still in the book.
“Morning,” Song Lan walked to him and, before heading to the bathroom for a shower, he stopped behind Xue Yang and ruffled his hair. “Happy birthday brat”
Xue Yang froze, turning around just to see Song Lan closing the door behind him.
How... why did he...
His train of thoughts was interrupted again from someone knocking in a door.
Xiao Xingchen was knocking on A-Qing´s door, calling her softly for breakfast and he never waked her up so soon, this was weird.
Then he must had noticed Xue Yang staring because he turned around and gasped.
“You´re awake!” and he walked to the living room, a big smile forming in his face. “Happy birthday A-Yang!”
Did they both knew that it was his birthday?
“What are we up so early?” A-Qing asked as she walked out of her room rubbing her eyes. “It´s going to be his birthday the whole day, why celebrate so early?”
She knew too and Xue Yang could bet that the cats and the weed growing up in Xiao Xingchen´s garden knew.
“Come on, I bought pastries and sweets,” Song Lan appeared again, pushing the girl gently to the kitchen and for a second it looked like A-Qing had fall sleep again. “Xue Yang you too”
He was too shocked to complain so he closed his book and sat at the table too, putting his hands under his legs to make them stop shacking. Why was he so nervous?
“Sorry if it´s early! I was so excited about your first birthday with us!” Xingchen started to serve the red fruits juice in tall glasses as Song Lan opened the bags he had bought. “We were thinking about going to the theme park, it´s just one hour away by car”
“And then we can have dinner at the new Viet restaurant that opened in the city center, Lan Xichen said that it was a nice place”
“Yes! Oh, wait I´ll bring the candles!”
“The gifts are also in that bag, bring everything already”
“A-Qing bring your gif too”
“Can´t we eat first?”
“Not until he blows the can-A-Yang?”
He snaped out of the fog when he heard his name and, to be honest, he hadn't even noticed that his head was underwater, chest heavy a breathing hard.
“Breathe A-Yang,” one of them, probably Xiao Xingchen, started to rub circles on his back. “Easy...”
It...
It was overwhelming.
He lived under their roof and they hadn´t kick him out in ten months.
They pay for high school and doctors and therapy.
They had even got him a stupid binder.
That was too much for a stray kid who couldn´t offer anything in exchange.
It was so much and he felt almost impotent
“Maybe we overdid it,” he heard Song Lan talking about his chopped breathes. “We should-”
“Thank you,” he managed to say and he couldn´t even say if it was the first time, he thanked them. “Thank you...”
“It´s your birthday A-Yang, we want you to have a nice day...” and Xiao Xingchen dried a tear that had escaped Xue Yang s attempt to clean his face with his shirt. “Want to blow the candles now?”
He shacked his head, he needed a moment and it felt stupid.
He wasn´t a kid.
He didn´t needed birthday parties or gifts or anything just... it felt so warm and warm was strange and dangerous because it meant that you get used to it, that you got domesticated and you couldn't go back to your old life.
“I cried a lot when they threw the first birthday party for me,” A-Qing says, sounding more awake and suddenly she´s hugging him. It´s the first time she hugged him and Xue Yang allows it because it feels good. “It´ll pass”
It always passes mom used to say.
Because he was strong and rough but right now, as he hugged the girl back and Xiao Xingchen rubbed his back and Song Lan offered him a glass of water, he thought that maybe, just maybe, warm wasn´t that bad.
That he could let it in...
“I like the plan...” he admits. “I like Viet food”
After all that was what mom used to cook the most.
“Perfect then! We´ll head to the park in an hour or so but now eat something! Zichen bought your favorites!”
Xue Yang gave an angry bite to one of the small cakes. It was chocolate with more chocolate inside and more chocolate in top and chocolate sprinkles.
It made him forget about the tears and about the hollow pit inside his chest. A pit that was finally time to fill with something apart from hate and anger.
But until he decided what he wanted to put their chocolate was a good option.
A few minutes later the door ringed and Xue Yang jumped to his feet, something felt itchy and strange about this. About his... family or whatever they were throwing a birthday party and planning a whole day of family fun for him. It was... too much.
And he needed to get away from it for a moment, get back into his head and breathe so he could deal with it and enjoy it because he really wanted to enjoy it.
But his plan for calming down rolled down the hill when he opened the door to find Xuanyu smiling at him, a big smile on his lips and another box wrapped in shinny paper in his hands.
Xuanyu was there.
Xuanyu.
and he was in his pijamas.
He hadn't even bothered to comb his hair that morning.
“Happy birth-”
And he closed the door on his face, cheeks burning and heart about to jump out of his chest.
“Oh, we invited Xuanyu, I hope you don´t mind”
Oh no.
“MeiMei?” Xuanyu asked from the other side of the door. “Can I enter or...”
This time, when he opened the door, he run away the second it was unlocked to lock himself into his room and, in a very mature way, scream into his pillow before getting ready for the day, heart still skipping beats.