Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been three weeks since The Clone Wars ended, since Chad and his bros saved the galaxy and for Chad, life had pretty much returned to normal.

His normal being going to rad parties and doing rad keg stands and meeting rad as fuck people. So when Fives suggested to maybe have a chill hang out at 79s with some of the bros from when they did that whole “chip conspiracy” thing, Chad figured it was a great idea.

Except it was the next day and Chad did not know who’s bed he was in, why Aran was asleep on the floor or who that Twi’lek guy with the varactyl in the corner was.

“Morning,” the Twi’lek said cheerfully, Chad groaned and tried to sit up. Wait-

“Why the fuck does that banner have my face on it?”

— LAST NIGHT —

Chad, Kit, Fives, Tup, Aran and Purse were crowded into a booth next to the bar and they’d had a few drinks. Okay, maybe slightly more than a few. Okay a lot but that’s just how the bros roll. Having fun, drinking beers and triple dog daring each other to do random shit.

“Okay, Kit,” Purse said in between drinks, “I triple dog dare you to…glitter bomb Cody.”

“Woah woah woah,” Kit raised his hands placatingly, “nah that’s an intense one.”

Chad shook his head, “Nah dude, you gotta do a triple dog dare. It’s a triple dog dare!”

“Yeah,” said Aran from under their helmet, “if I had to pretend to be one of the bartenders, you gotta glitter bomb Cody.”

Kit sighed, “fine. Okay but don’t let Uncle Giuseppe Hoan Fisto into my funeral.”

“Okay man,” Chad patted him on the shoulder and watched Kit get up and leave the bar. He’d do the dare after getting the glitter and finding Cody, Chad was just waiting to see the aftermath.

After five-ish to ten minutes, even possibly fifteen (Chad didn’t own a watch), Kit ran through the bar, glitter following his every step. Behind him, Cody entered the bar, effortlessly managing to look vaguely amused yet annoyed. Even though the war was over, Chad suddenly had the inexplicable urge to salute to the man.
“You,” Cody gestured to Tup, “buy me a drink and I’ll forgive and forget.”

“Sir, yes sir,” Tup stood up and immediately ran to the bar as Cody took his seat.

“You guys doing dares?” Cody asked.

Purse nodded as Tup returned to the booth and placed a glass filled with spotchka in front of Cody. Cody examined it and nodded with approval.

“Sounds fun, I’m in,” Cody took a sip of his drink, “I’ve just gotten back from killing Grievous and I need a new hobby because I can’t bully him over the holo-net anymore.”

“Fair enough,” said Chad as Kit returned to the table, still trailing glitter.

Kit sat down, satisfied that he’d at least tried to complete his dare, even though it had back-fired. “Fives! I triple dog dare you to cover Fox’s office in sticky notes.”

“M'kay,” Fives stood suddenly and wobbled for a second but he found his balance. “Let’s fucking go.”

“I’ll get the sticky-notes,” Cody announced, “I’ll meet the rest of you at Fox’s office.”

“Yes!” Chad grinned and grabbed a few beers for the road.

They reached Fox’s office after no small amount of stumbling and tripping over but they got there in the end. Fox’s office was now located on the ground floor of the senate building, after the war he began training natborns and clones alike for Senate security.

It wasn’t a big office but it looked nice, all the better for covering with sticky notes. Chad made himself comfortable on the floor as Cody passed Fives the notes and the others sat in various positions about the room.

“Alright,” Fives smiled with intense enthusiasm, “let’s do this.”

Twenty minutes later (or possible thirty Chad hadn’t somehow aquired a watch between the last dare and this one), Fox’s office had been successfully covered in an array of multi-coloured sticky notes. Every corner, drawer and object was filled. Fives grinned as Chad cracked open another beer.

“Dare complete!” Fives yelled, satisfied. He sat down and examined the rest of the room to find his next victim, cackling every time his eyes landed on a potential person.

“Hurry up dude,” Kit said with a laugh, “you gotta pick someone.”

“I-“ Fives burst into laughter again. “Wait, wait. I gotta good one. I triple dog dare Chad to run for Supreme Chancellor.”

Chad cackled along with the rest of the bros as they took in what Fives had said, then slowly the table fell quiet.

“Yeah,” chuckled Purse, “could you imagine Chad as Supreme Chancellor?”

Kit hiccupped, “shit dude, he’d still be better than Palps.”

“More organised too I bet,” smiled Cody, who looked intensely curious to see how this was going to play out.

“Wait are you actually going to do this?” Asked Aran, who faced Chad.

“Well…it is a triple dog dare.”

“Nah we’re doing this,” Kit leaned forward with a smile, “you need a campaign team and I’m in!”

“I bet I can get Padmé and Bail on board,” Cody mused, “having a clone Supreme Chancellor would be one way to further clone rights in the Republic. Besides, you wouldn’t have a whole lot of competition. This is a great idea, let’s drink to it!”

He began rifling through Fox’s desk and eventually found what he wanted, a bottle of dark amber liquid and some cups.

“Corellian brandy,” Cody explained and poured everyone a bit. “Chad for Chancellor!”

“Chad for Chancellor!” They all echoed and drunk their brandy.

— PRESENT TIME —

The rest of the night was a blur after that, except Chad did remember going to Swaffle House (Wolffe had stopped working there so they’d managed to get the ban removed) and he was pretty sure he ordered everything on the menu. As Chad’s senses returned he realised someone else was in this strange bed with him, he poked the body and a shirtless Kit Fisto muttered, rolled over and fell out of the bed.

“So what’s the deal bro?” Chad groaned and rubbed his eyes, “Why’s my face on that banner?”

The Twi’lek grinned, “you’ve officially been placed in the running for Supreme Chancellor!”

“Congratulations Chad,” Cody walked in holding a cup of steaming coffee, “we appear to have put you on the ballot last night. Don’t worry, Padmé found it funny and agreed to help you. This is Otac and I think we hired him last night to help organise your campaign. What is your day job, Otac?”

“I’m a barista!” Otac informed them.

Cody nodded, “they’re a barista and we also appear to have adopted a varactyl. I think it’s our mascot. I named her Boga.” He turned to leave but before he went through the door Cody said, “oh and if you could get your friend off my ceiling before you leave that would be great.”

Chad squinted at the roof where indeed, Purse was somehow snoring away on the ceiling fan.

What the hell had they done?

— CATO NEIMOIDIA: TRADE FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS —

“No!”

Spe Eugor, secretary to Gute Nunray (son of Nute Gunray), winced.

Gute strode around his desk, hands clenching and unclenching. Spe gripped their clipboard tighter. After the Chancellor’s untimely death, Gute had seized the opportunity to run for Supreme Chancellor. It had been hectic, Spe had been running back and forth trying to put together a campaign team and generate public interest for Gute. With the announcement that a clone had entered the running, things were about to get a whole lot more stressful.

“Who could’ve seen this coming?” Gute muttered furiously, “Who gave Chad, a clone, the right to join the race like that?”

“Hey,” Rush Clovis, a senator to Spe’s understanding, laid a gentle hand on Gute’s shoulder. “It’s going to be fine. You’ve got an excellent campaign team and you’ve been preparing far longer than he has. It’ll be okay.”

“You’re right,” Gute breathed and sat on the side of his desk, “I will crush that clone if it’s the last thing I do.

I will stop at nothing to become Supreme Chancellor.”

Chapter Text

“Why the FUCK is my office covered in sticky notes, Cody?”

Chad and Aran spun around from where they were sitting at the table to see Fox’s outraged form in the doorway of Cody’s home. Cody calmly got up from his chair, walked over to the door, and handed Fox a cup of caf.

“Let’s try that again,” Cody said sweetly before shutting the door in Fox’s face.

A moment passed as Chad waited in anticipation, then a knock at the door. Cody opened it to an empty cup and a slightly less outraged Fox.

“Why the FUCK is my office covered in sticky notes?” Fox demanded.

Cody shrugged, “I wouldn’t know anything about that.”

With a huff, Fox entered the room and immediately started helping himself to Cody’s food.

“Oh yeah?” He continued as he took a bite out of a protein bar. “And I don’t suppose you know what happened to my bottle of brandy either?”

Cody raised an eyebrow, “sounds like for a security guard, you have pretty lax security.”

“Bastard.”

Fox sat at the table, opposite Chad and crossed his arms. “So you’re running for Chancellor are you?”

“Yeah bro apparently I am, hope you don’t kick me out of any windows!”

Fox laughed dryly, “We’ll see.”

There was a loud thud from the bedroom and then a small, “ow.”

Chad looked at Aran, “we forgot about Purse.”

Aran looked smugly satisfied, “no I didn’t.”

The guy himself limped out of the room and fixed them all with an unrelenting glare.

“I hate you all,” Purse declared then sat down next to Aran and fished some crackers out of his pockets and began eating them.

Chad looked away to see Fox observing this with disgust.

“These are the kinds of people you spend time with now?” He asked Cody judgementally.

Cody raised an eyebrow, “I once saw you in Spalmart shovelling pick’n’mix right into your pockets.”

“What I do at Spalmart,” Fox leveled a threatening finger at Cody. “Is none of your goddamn business.” He then fixed his gaze on something behind Chad. “Cody, why is there a varactyl in your home?”

“Her name is Boga,” Cody took a sip of his caf, “she’s Chad’s campaign mascot.”

“Good news friends!” Otac marched up to the table triumphantly with a groggy Kit Fisto following slowly behind him. “There is an event being held tonight and a lot of notable figures from the Republic will be in attendance, as a candidate for the upcoming election, Chad got an invite!”

“How do you even know about this?” Aran inquired.

Otac shrugged, “I’m chronically on the holo-net.”

“Ah.”

Chad stretched, “so I get to go, but what about the rest of you?”

“Well,” Cody finished his caf, “Padmé and Bail will be there as senators, you know, your campaign team. Fox will be there as he’s watching the trainee security guards.”

“Fuck I forgot about that,” Fox mumbled.

Kit yawned, “I’ll be there as a member of the Jedi Council.”

“Oh bro you got promoted?” Chad asked excitedly.

“Hell yeah I did bro,” Kit grinned and they performed their secret handshake. Some called it ‘over the top’ but Chad knew that secret handshakes were just part of being one of the boys (gender-neutral).

Chad looked around and realised some of their group was missing.

“Wait, where’s Fives and Tup?”

“I left them with Rex,” Cody explained, “I was going to leave Kit at the Jedi Temple but you two refused to leave each other.”

Chad and Kit high-fived.

Aran shifted, “Purse and I could pretend to be security? Fox could get us in. I’m thinking my cover name is Nara and Purse’s could be Ersup. You know…our names backwards”

Purse raised an eyebrow, “One, that’s incredibly stupid. Two, I hate to tell you this but Ersup isn’t Purse backwards. Ersup spells Pusre.”

“Shut up, no it isn’t,” Aran protested grumpily, “your name is Pusre now.”

“Alright gonna change my ID real quick.”

“Please do.”

Chad stood suddenly, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. He donned his square shades and grinned. “Well boys, looks like we gotta go shopping.”

Shopping in Coruscant’s Creations (the number one rated mall on Chelp (Chad Yelp)) was absolutely hectic.

On one side you had parents dragging their children along to get new clothes, then on the other side you had friends loudly shopping together. Chad thought all of it was super fun, albeit a bit loud but whatever, he was here with his bros and that was all that mattered.

“Alright boys!” Kit grinned, “time to get ready for the big night!”

“You’re one to talk,” Aran scoffed, “every time I see you, you’re either shirtless or in Jedi robes. Besides, I won’t be changing out of my armour thank you.”

Chad nodded, “that’s chill! Fox already said he can pass you off as special forces, and Purse will be getting Coruscant Guard uniform. So I guess it’s just Kit and I getting fancy today!”

“Woah, woah, woah,” came a voice from the crowd.

Chad turned to see Fives making his way towards them.

“You didn’t think you guys could have another adventure without me?”

“Fives! My bro!” With a grin Chad embraced Fives. Despite it taking a while for Fives to warm up to him, Chad and Fives were now close friends.

“I’m placing myself as your plus one,” Fives explained to Chad.

So that was that. Aran and Purse decided since they didn’t need any new clothes that they’d go check out the food court. The rest of the bros headed into the first store they saw, ‘Nnyl’s Niceties’ which had a large range of formalwear. Fortunately, it wasn’t too busy so Chad and the boys were free to check out what they wanted.

After selecting a few outfits they thought were good, they each went to the dressing room and took turns getting the other’s opinions.

Kit insisted on being first and his starting outfit was just him, with only underwear on.

Chad shook his head, “you have fantastic abs bro and the world deserves to see them, but I don’t think you’ll be let in if you don’t at least put some pants on.”

Kit sighed, dejected. “What if I tell them it’s Nautolan tradition?”

Chad give him a thumbs down.

The next few outfits Kit showed were various pants in different styles and colours. One was even sequinned, but none of them felt right. Finally Kit emerged in a knee-length green skirt.

“Yes,” Kit insisted.

Chad and Fives gave it a thumbs-up.

Fives was up next and it was a similar process to Kit’s except with more shirts. Eventually the bros decided on a simple, but elegant suit.

Finally, Chad showed what he’d put together. The top was a suit jacket over a button up shirt, tucked into a pair of cargo shorts and wearing a pair of sandals and his classic square shades. Chad placed his hands on his hips and grinned.

“It’s very…you,” Fives said.

“That works for me!” With a smile Chad collected the outfits and took them up to the counter to pay.

“Alright,” Chad clapped his hands together and grinned. “It’s showtime.”

“Holy shit,” Fives breathed.

Holy shit indeed, Chad thought as the squad entered the event room. Throngs of people milled together, either dancing, drinking or gossiping. Sometimes all three at once. A large stage at the back of the room signalled that there would be some entertainment at some point.

“Sy Snootles is a guest performer tonight,” Kit said.

Chad grinned, “woah bro, did you just read my mind?”

“Bro I think I did…wait on count of three say the first thing that comes to your mind.”

“Okay.”

“One, two, three, beer!”

“‘Ronas!”

Kit shrugged, “same thing. We’re connected.”

An armoured guard that Chad recognised as Aran marched up to the group, accompanied by a Coruscant security personnel who must’ve been Purse and a finely dressed woman who Chad figured must be Padmé.

“We’ve got a problem,” Aran began, “Bail Organa is missing.”

Kit cursed, “that’s not good for us.”

“Or him,” Chad butted in.

“Hi nice to meet you all,” Padmé gave a tight smile, “I think one of your political opponents must have intercepted Bail to prevent you from gaining leadership, Chad. Many politicians in this room are starkly against the Clone Rights movement and would go to great lengths to prevent you from gaining the title of Supreme Chancellor.”

“Right so what do we do?” Chad asked.

“We mustn’t let this sway us, I’m sure Bail is very capable but we can’t let news of this get around. Aran, Purse, you two will quietly conduct investigations around the area, nosy security isn’t anything new around here. I will get your-"

“Well, well, well,” A Neimoidian sauntered up to Chad, Fives and Kit as Padme slipped away. He was followed by a human male and a Zabrak. “If it isn’t one of my opponents.”

“Hi!” Chad lowered his square shades, “good to meet you, your name is?”

The Neimoidian seemed taken aback at that question, “you haven’t researched your political opponents?”

Chad shook his head.

With a shared glance with the human next to him, the Neimoidian seemed to gain confidence. “My name is Gute Nunray, yes, son of Nute Gunray.” Gute seemed like that last piece of information was an answer to an often asked question. One he was tired of hearing.

“Nice to meet you, Gute,” Chad shook his hand. “I’m Chad.”

This amused Gute, “yes, I’m aware. Anyway this is my main campaign team. Senator Rush Clovis who you may know, who is my partner and my advisor. This is Spe Eugor, my secretary.”

“Nice to meet you both,” Chad greeted both enthusiastically. “This is my main man Kit Fisto, local Jedi and this is Fives, my best buddy.”

“Right,” Gute chuckled to himself. “Well, good luck I suppose. I think you may need it.”

As Chad was about to respond, the speakers blared, startling the group, as an announcer brought attention to the main stage.

“Presenting the one and only, Sy Snootles!”

The room clapped and cheered for the renowned singer but Chad turned to see Gute Nunray staring at the singer with a sort of abject horror.

“Mother?”

Chapter Text

The singer gazed down towards Gute and Chad with an unrelenting stare.

Gute stood there, looking as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t know what. They obviously had a strained relationship, Chad figured. He and Fives shared a look. They didn’t have parents but something about having millions of brothers taught one about family relationships.

Chad watched the mother and son look at each other for another moment. Then, Sy turned around with a satisfied smile and began her performance.

Gute closed his eyes for a second. “Goodbye, clone,” he said and strode away from Chad with his entourage in tow.

“Well, music star celebrity icon Sy Snootles has a son,” Fives said.

“Yep,” replied Chad.

Fives nodded, “Okay.”

“Yep.”

“Okay.”

“Yep.”

Kit Fisto rolled his eyes, “heaps of important people have kids and relationships. You wouldn’t believe what Ki Adi Mundi got up to. Hell, Yoda has five kids who I babysit on weekends.”

“Five kids with who?” Fives asked in shock and honestly Chad was wondering the same.

Kit shook his head and sighed, “we’re getting off topic remember, Bail’s missing. We need a plan.”

Out of nowhere a blue twi’lek appeared out of the crowd with a grin, “you guys need a plan? Well I got one. Padmé asked me to come and inform you that Bail was seen on the fourth floor thirty minutes ago on security cameras.”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Fives asked.

“My bad,” she nodded, “I’m Aayla, a Jedi and Padmé’s girlfriend.”

“‘Sup Secura,” Kit waved. “Lead the way.”

They followed Aayla to the elevator when something caught Chad’s eye.

“Hold on a second dudes,” He stopped in his tracks. “Just gonna grab a beer from that chilly bin.”

“What? You mean the cooler?” Aayla asked flabbergasted.

“Nah bro,” interrupted Kit, “that’s an esky.”

Chad raised an eyebrow and grabbed a couple of beers as the group entered the elevator, pressing the button for the fourth floor. The gang headed out, dispersing through the area to search for signs of Bail.

“Where was he seen heading?” Fives asked, ever the ARC trooper.

Aayla frowned, “the cameras captured him heading into one of these two doors but cuts off before we see which one. Padmé and your friends are putting the building on high alert so whoever has Bail doesn’t escape. We’ve just got to find him.”

Chad nodded and cracked a beer. Fucking sucked that a cool night to chill out was interrupted but hey, he supported his bros and that meant finding Bail. He appraised the two doors and furrowed his brow.

“Right, Fives and I will take the one on the left. Kit and Aayla can take the one on the right. Yeah?”

“Right on bro,” Kit finger-gunned and the two marched through the doorway.

With slightly less enthusiasm but with the same determination, Chad and Fives entered the room on the left. The door opened up to a dark room, storage probably, and on the other side a mysterious person quickly closed a vent with a soft clang.

Fives and Chad looked at each other before pulling open the vent and crawling through. These vents were so large, no wonder people were able to break in and steal senators. The two of them followed the clanging sounds of the intruders trying to run away until they managed to crash through another vent.

Chad swiftly followed, making sure to not spill his beer, and slid out the vent and into a busy street filled with different reporters and onlookers alike.

“There!” Fives pointed to where the intruders were trying to make a break for it through the crowd.

With a keen eye and good aim, Chad slid off one of his jandels and threw it so hard that it smacked against one of the intruder’s heads and they fell to the ground. None of the person’s bros hung around to help their fallen friend, instead using the confusion to dash off into the crowd. Fives and Chad quickly apprehended the intruder on the ground as a menacing shadow loomed over them.

Fox sighed, holding a cup of caf that read ‘I kicked palps out of a window and all I got was this stupid mug’.

“What exactly is going on here?”

KIT

“Right, Fives and I will take the one on the left. Kit and Aayla can take the one on the right. Yeah?”

“Right on bro,” Kit finger-gunned and opened the door with a grin as he and Aayla entered the room.

He was immediately hit with a sense of deja vu and a glance at Aayla assured him that she felt the same. They’d appeared to have walked into a copy of the clones’ barracks from the war. Various clones sat around playing cards and chatting, which immediately ceased once they realised two Jedi had just walked in.

“G’day,” Kit said with a reassuring smile. “Sorry to interrupt we were just looking for Bail Organa.”

“Why would Bail Organa be here?” A clone holding a half-eaten bagel asked.

Aayla stepped forward, “he was last seen on this floor and we have reason to believe he was kidnapped?”

The clone took another bite of his bagel, “are you accusing us of stealing a senator?”

With a quick shake of her head, Aayla clarified, “no we have reason to believe a politician has hired someone to kidnap him.” She paused, “what are you guys doing here anyway? I thought clones were free to go into any profession they wanted?”

The clone let out a laugh, “yeah technically we are, but most people are unwilling to train us and the various clone work rights that we’ve been lobbying for haven’t passed through the senate yet. Which means we’re cheap labour that would take too much time to train in other skills. So most of us landed in security or military occupations that would take us.”

“I reckon we can help with that,” Kit blurted out, “a clone, Chad, is in the running for Supreme Chancellor. He’s got the backing of some of the Jedi and a couple of senators. If he wins he’ll make these changes.”

“If you say so, we barely have time to see Rad in his surfing competitions, let alone try win over civilians to our cause.”

Kit made a mental note to ask Chad or Fives about Rad.

“Look,” he said, “if you’ve got any information about the whereabouts of Bail that would be great and we’ll leave.”

“You’re mates with Purse right?” Spoke up another clone, “I saw you with him earlier.”

Kit nodded.

The clone continued, “bastard ate all my crackers and owes me 100 credits from jenga night. If you can get that back to me, we can talk.”

Suddenly Kit’s comm beeped with a message from Aran.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE, MEET NOW.

Chapter Text

CHAD

After apprehending the intruder, Fox had immediately dragged Chad and Fives to some sort of interrogation room where Aran and Purse were already waiting. Aran, for some reason, was holding a bag of dip containers.

“So let me get this straight,” Fox said as he leaned back into his chair and appraised them all with a disappointed gaze. “I go out of my way to get your buddies into this very extravagant event full of rich people, and you decide to sneak off and chase after possible kidnappers not just in full formal wear but in jandals?”

“Hey!” Chad blurted, “you should be thanking my jandals. They apprehended the guy after all.”

Fox groaned and squinted into the distance for a second as if to say, fucking force why me?

“And you two,” Fox pointed a finger at Aran and Purse. “Why did I get reports saying one of my guards was trying to smuggle boxes of crackers out of the kitchen?”

Purse shrugged as he fished a cracker out from his pockets and ate it. “Couldn’t tell you.”

With a shake of their helmet, Aran added, “I was with Padmé the whole time.” They passed Purse a container of dip. “And I’m not responsible for whatever Purse does.”

“You kinda are dude,” Chad grinned.

Ever since the ‘chip’ incident, Aran and Purse had become pretty much inseparable. Which, Chad had quickly realised, meant dealing scathing insults to each other while working completely in sync. Absolutely wild bro.

Fox dragged a hand down his face. “Ugh you lot are Cody’s problem I don’t need to deal with this anymore.”

He then stood up, announcing, “Captain Bagel is currently interrogating that guy. I highly suggest you lot stay out of it.”

Fox marched grumpily out of the room and closed the door behind him with a loud slam.

“So…” Fives broke the silence, “are we free to go?”

Purse tilted his head, “he never said we had to stay.”

A sigh came from Aran and they passed the bag of dips to Purse as they stood up and walked out. Chad grinned, quickly following with Purse in tow.

Chad and his bros sped back the way they came, towards the main area of the building, and in their rush managed to crash directly into Kit and Aayla.

“Guys!” Kit exclaimed, “Where were you? What’s the important message?”

“We tackled one of the intruders who got taken in for questioning but then Fox took us into questioning and pretty much told us to stay out of it,” Aran explained.

They all looked at one another for a moment, then Aayla spoke up,

“But…we aren’t going to stay out of it, are we?” She grinned, “Where’s the guy being questioned?”

Fives shrugged, “We don’t know. Somewhere around here I guess but all we know is that they’re being questioned by someone named Captain Bagel.”

Aayla lit up at that and quickly turned to Kit, “We met Captain Bagel!”

Kit affirmed this with a nod, “We might have a way to get some information. Chad, do you still know Rad?”

It had been a while since Chad had caught up with any of his batch-mates, but they had always been close.

“You bet I do!”

Aayla turned to him, brow furrowed and asked, “how do you know Rad?”

“He’s one of my batch-mates,” Chad explained, “There are four of us: me, Brad, Vlad and Rad!”

“Right okay, I think if we tell Captain Bagel we can get him in touch with Rad he might tell us some information about the guy and hopefully some clue about where Bail is,” Aayla continued.

Whoever this Captain Bagel dude was, he seemed pretty important to this mission (Chad liked calling things missions, it made him feel like he was in a film or something…like Space-Mission Improbable) and he was certain he could get Rad over here to meet Bagel.

With a quick thumbs up to Aayla, Chad flicked his bro a quick message asking Rad if he was around Coruscant. Knowing Rad, he would take his sweet time replying.

“Done! He’ll get back to us when he feels like it I guess,” Chad told the others, pocketing his comm.

“Let’s go find this Bagel guy then,” Fives said as they began their search.

And search they did because however hard the bros tried, however many doors they opened, they could not find this damn interrogation room. Chad figured they must’ve searched most of the building but still nothing. They’d walked in on MULTIPLE affairs, got chased by a random massiff, and in one room they’d found Yoda muttering some shit to himself. All of this but still, no Bagel.

“Ugh,” Kit groaned as they left Yoda to whatever bullshit that he was doing. “We’ve been walking for hours.”

“Half an hour to be exact,” Fives muttered, leaning up against a wall.

Chad sighed, at this rate they weren’t going to find Bagel, let alone Bail Organa. He found himself trying to think of a back-up plan when Yoda exited the room, appraising them with suspicion.

“Up to, what are you?”

“‘Sup little green dude!” Chad greeted the guy, “we’re trying to find a dude named Captain Bagel so we can find our bro, Bail.”

“A dilemma, this is,” mused Yoda, “assist you I shall.”

The green guy hobbled over to the wall opposite the doorway and spared Chad a brief look.

“Support my peers, I would like to.”

He then hit the wall with his cane and Chad watched as a door appeared before his very eyes.

“Oi what the fuck?” Purse blurted from behind Chad.

“Your stop, this should be,” Yoda announced before hobbling back into the room from where he’d come from.

Aayla shook her head, “classic Master Yoda,” she remarked before walking up to the door and opening it.

Chad and the others followed her through this weird door, walking through to a small, dark room. Chad looked over to the left to see a large window looking into an interrogation room. Ah, so they were on the other side of a two-way mirror. The guy they’d apprehended looked upset as Captain Bagel collected his documents and finished off what he was saying.

“Who the hell are you guys?” Asked a bored looking natborn with tied-back pink hair and a trimmed beard.

“G’day bro!” Chad grinned, “I’m Chad and I’m running for Chancellor! Captain Bagel has some info about a bro of ours that I was hoping he’d share!”

“Oh yeah!” The guy exclaimed, suddenly interested. “Rex mentioned you, something about the weirdest but the coolest guy he’s every met? Whatever that means. Also I think I heard something about your proposed SOSHA regulations, huge fan of that by the way.”

“Cheers bro! Cody helped write those up,” Chad said as he finger-gunned.

The door the group had just come from buzzed, and Captain Bagel walked through looking somewhat satisfied.

“What are you doing here?” He questioned Kit and Aayla, eyebrow raised.

“We were hoping to make a trade with you,” Kit explained, “If you could tell us where that guy and his mates took Bail, Chad here can get you in touch with Rad.”

Captain Bagel perked up at that, “Really? I’d love to take my Bagel Stand Owner partner to one of his surfing shows!”

“Yeah Rad and I are batch mates, he’d definitely come and say hi,” Chad confirmed with a nod and a smile.

“Alright,” Captain Bagel lowered his voice as the pink haired guy pointedly ignored them. “Senator Organa is definitely still on Coruscant, we have a theory that one of the other senators arranged for him to be kidnapped. You didn’t here this from me but…I think he’s being held at the Spacelodge hotel.”

“Thank you,” Kit turned to face Chad. “I think we know where we need to go now.”

“So let me get this clear, is this just a hotel or is it a hotel and bar?”

This was a perfectly reasonable question, Chad wasn’t sure why everyone groaned.

Aran shook their helmet, “all we need to do is find the floor Bail is on then knock around until we see something suspicious. No finding a bar to play pool at, no cracker stealing and no talking to the fish in the aquarium behind the reception.”

Chad, Purse and Kit all grumbled but eventually agreed. Aayla had left to catch up with Padmé but had made them promise to keep her in the loop. The group entered the lobby, Kit quickly ran up to reception as an interview with some Zabrack wildlife holophotographer played on a screen in the background.

“Do you have a booking?” The receptionist asked in a monotone voice. Their name tag read ‘RAUL’.

“Not just yet,” Kit responded, “we were actually wanting to see if our friends had arrived yet? Three or four people with a guy who looked like he didn’t want to be there?”

“Weird friends,” the receptionist muttered, “but yes, I did get another group coming through that kind of matches that description. Would you like me to tell them you’re here?”

“No thank you, we’ll just call them and let them know we’re around. Thank you!”

The receptionist shook their head, Chad waited for Kit to tell them his plan.

“How are we getting in?” Fives inquired as the group moved out of the lobby and to the outside of the building.

Kit smiled, “breaking and entering! I saw a slip of paper from a recent booking with room number 623 on it, that must be them.”

“Nice bro!” Chad fist-bumped Kit.

“That must be floor six then,” Aran reasoned then without warning they grabbed Purse, fired up their jetpack and ascended into the sky.

Chad watched the two fly off with Purse’s, “OH WHAT THE FUCK FUCK YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Right so for the rest of us, who do not have jetpacks, what do we do?” Chad asked, turning to Kit for an answer.

Kit nodded to Fives, who sighed and from behind his back produced two pairs of plungers and a roll of duct tape.

“Only two pairs?” Chad raised an eyebrow.

(“That’s what you have an issue with?” Fives muttered.)

With a sheepish look Kit explained, “you know I focus more on core strength than arms!”

That was true. Kit had amazing abs.

“Cool bro, you’ll just have to hold onto me then!”

Chad and Fives taped the plungers to their hands and Kit looped his arms around Chad’s neck. They began the climb slowly but eventually made their way to the sixth floor, rolling through an open window and looking to where Purse and Aran were waiting outside room 623.

“I’ll grab Bail and fly him out and you lot take care of the others,” Aran whispered to them.

Chad nodded before slamming through the door, “You got caught by the bro squad!”

“Bro squad?” Purse asked with amusement as Aran dashed forward and grabbed Bail who was indeed in the room, before flying back out a window.

Chad shrugged, “it seemed right.”

Three of the kidnappers seemed too shocked to do much but one woman made a break for it, bolting out of the room.

Chad immediately ran after the escapee, chasing her down a corridor but turns out he didn’t need to because as she turned the corner, she was bowled over by a surf board as Rad stepped out and knelt down next to the groaning person.

“Looks like the only ten you’ll be hanging will be the ten years you’ll be hanging out behind bars, dude.”

“Rad, my bro!” Chad exclaimed.

“Chad! How’s it hanging my guy?”

“Ah you know, pretty rad, you?”

“Ha nice one! You know me, just cruising these waters until you sent me a ripper of a wave! Had to come check it out.” Rad grinned.

“Cheers bro! I may need you to hang out with this bro named Bagel but other than that, I’m running for Supreme Chancellor! Wanna work with me?”

“Sounds absolutely tubular,” Rad looked into the distance with a grin, “looks like surf’s up.”

Chapter Text

FIVES

Rad was certainly an interesting person, Fives thought to himself. After meeting Rad yesterday, it was kinda cool seeing Chad interact with a brother he was actually really close with. The guy was close with most people, befriending almost everyone immediately, but the way he talked with Rad showed the mutual bond they both had.

This was something about Chad that Fives could understand at least. The way they joked with each other was reminiscent of how he and Echo interacted. At least once they’d gotten over the whole ‘they both thought the other was dead thing’ that was.

“Yeah dude, these regulation blasters are fuckin’ tubular,” Rad continued what he was saying.

Fives watched Chad nod in response. They were waiting for a meeting with Bail and Padmé to continue their campaign and regrouping after Bail got kidnapped. The Senate lobby was filled with various guards, senators and reporters milling around. Aran and Purse sat together on the other side of the dedicated lounge area, looking at something on Purse’s datapad.

“Chad and…the bros?” Called a confused-looking secretary.

Fives stood as Chad responded with, “Yep!”

The group followed the secretary over to an office door on the second floor where the secretary knocked politely. The door opened to reveal Padmé Amidala, looking tired but excited to begin.

“Come in!” She greeted the group and gestured for them to enter the office as the secretary turned and left.

The office itself was spacious, Fives noticed. Not as luxurious as the Chancellor’s office but still looked like it had a few perks. The view from the large windows behind Padmé’s desk overlooked some sort of garden that Fives hadn’t seen before. Padmé joined Bail on a couch near the desk, and gestured for the others to sit on the couch opposite them.

“Firstly I’d like to thank you for all your help yesterday,” Bail began with a smile, “I’m not quite sure how that group got the jump on me in the Senate building-”

“Probably the size of the vents,” Chad muttered to Rad who snorted.

“-But all the same I am truly grateful for your assistance. Now, in terms of your campaign we’d like to elaborate upon your policies and what events you will be attending.”

Huh? Why’d they just skim over a kidnapping of a Senator, possibly organised by another Senator? That seemed…wrong to Fives.

“Sorry Bail for interrupting,” Fives leaned forward, “but what about finding out who was behind your kidnapping? I get helping Chad with the campaign is important but surely there’s something we can do to help, what if they try attempt something else?”

Padmé evaluated Fives for a second before steepling her fingers and responding, “Politics is a sort of strategy game. Not like your battles where people just shoot each other.”

Right, because ‘his battles’ didn’t require strategy and quick decision-making. Like years of war, years of watching his siblings be killed one after another could be summarised in one sentence.

Fives raised an eyebrow, “I fail to see your point.”

Padmé pursed her lips and leaned back delicately, seeing her mistake. “Apologies. I meant to explain that we cannot simply accuse a Senator of committing a crime. The stunt with Palpatine worked because of months of planning by Jedi Master Windu and Marshal Commander Fox. We need to wait it out and either this traitor will reveal themselves or the Coruscant Guard will track them down. Until then, we can only be on guard.”

With a huff, Fives settled with that answer.

“It was a good question, Fives,” Bail continued, “now for the campaign we need to be certain of your policies, Chad.”

“Right on bro,” Chad nodded briefly to Fives before turning with a grin to Bail. “I’d obviously be pro-clone rights which means voting rights, working rights, all being up to the same standard as natborns.”

Bail nodded, typing this up on a datapad.

“Also I’d ensure the clones are compensated for their time spent in the war. To put it nicely. Hopefully monetarily. Furthermore I’d ensure both the Seperatist and Republic forces would have to undergo bonding exercises and learn about each others senates.”

“You want Senators to play ice-breakers with each other?” Padmé asked in almost disbelief.

“Yep!” Chad affirmed, “If the senates of the Seperatist and Republic forces are now equally under the Republic, we want to ensure minimal backlash from Seperatist citizens and Republic citizens. Which means understanding both views to be able to rehabilitate both parties. Which also means-”

“-more votes!” Bail exclaimed, typing furiously. He looked up, realising he’d interrupted. “Sorry, go on.”

“You’re good, bro! I’d also like to divert peacekeeping missions to Ryloth for the purpose of ensuring they have adequate resources to rebuild their society, but other than that no interfering. I reckon Palps would’ve made a lot of short-cuts to fund both his armies so we get funds from the military and police force and use it to provide power for the lower levels of Coruscant.”

“Both the military and police are overfunded anyway,” Bail noted, “that’s a good move and means money from the tax-payers are directly benefiting the tax-payers themselves.”

“So is that a plan or what?” Chad looked around to see everyone’s opinions.

Personally, Fives thought that seemed pretty good. In between partying like there was no tomorrow and rescuing Bail, Chad must’ve somehow found time to read a few documents and journal articles.

“How do Chad’s policies compare to his competition?” Kit spoke up curiously.

Padmé took this question, searching up something on her datapad before answering. “Other candidates for the position include: Baron Notluwski Papanoida who wants to establish Pantora as the base of the Republic, Jar Jar Binks and R2-D2 are running together to advance droid society and as Senator Binks put it “Meesa want good bicameral parliament”, Vince and Lina who plan to ensure a galactic basic income, legalise marijuana and also want to ban slavery, and Gute Nunray whos policies include raising taxes and establishing trade route control posts.”

“Oh!” Chad suddenly sat up, frankly scaring the shit out of Fives. “Gute Nunray! I know where I recognise that name from now, he’s Glute Nunray’s brother!”

“Holy fuck,” Purse turned with a shocked expression. “Glute!”

“Hey,” Aran interrupted, sounding annoyed. “Who’s Glute Nunray?”

“She’s one of our gym bros and apparently Gute Nunray’s sister,” Kit explained to them quickly, “She’s never missed a leg day and always makes the best protein shakes.”

This was news to Fives. Hopefully this connection would work out in their favour.

“So now you’ve been informed about your competition, lets go over your upcoming events,” Padmé looked around. “Where’s your campaign manager?”

“Here!” A twi’lek yelled as they ran into the room, pursued by a very disgruntled secretary. “Sorry I’m late, I just got my break, what’s up?”

“‘Sup Otac!” Chad greeted the new-comer who was apparently Chad’s campaign manager. Oh well, it sure was on brand for Chad.

Otac squeezed onto the couch. Padmé looked them up and down with a scrutinising eye, but apparently landed on the same conclusion Fives had – this was just a Chad thing.

“You’ve got a press conference this afternoon,” Padmé said slowly as she watched Otac scribble onto a small, caf-stained notepad. “It’ll just be going over what we basically just covered. Then tomorrow we might film a couple of holo-ads to spread your message.”

“Also,” Bail gave Aran and Purse a look. “You two could go out onto the streets with a camera and ask the public about what kind of policies they’d be interested in. Really would make Chad seem like a man of the people.”

“Heck yeah bro, I am a dude of the people!” Chad and Rad fist-bumped.

To Fives’ shock and wonder Aran and Purse produced a camera and microphone out of seemingly thin air and saluted Bail before leaving.

“Right, I guess they’re off doing that?” Said Bail as he turned to watch where they were going.

Fives rose from his seat, “you guys have fun with the press conference but I have something I need to do.”

“You okay bro? Anything we can help with?” Chad asked as Fives went to leave.

Fives shook his head. “Nah I’m right, just gotta check on something.”

—----

Seeing it was about midday, the streets of Coruscant were relatively quiet as Fives strolled, basking in the artificial sun rays. He entered an apartment building and went up the stairs until he found the door he was looking for. He knocked loudly and the door opened to a scruffy looking clone wearing a yellow shirt.

“Hey Fives!” Hazard greeted, letting Fives into the apartment. “This is just temporary,” he explained, “I’m going to find somewhere else I reckon…a different planet maybe.”

With a nod Fives turned to look at Hazard, hiding the comm with a message from Aran about finding the guy.

“How would you feel about helping me root out a traitorous senator?” Fives asked.

Hazard grinned, “Sounds like a mission!”

Footage From Aran’s Camera

The holo-camera turns on, in frame is Purse looking into the lens curiously.

Purse: Is this fucking thing on?

Aran: Yeah, dipshit.

Purse: Piss off, we’re supposed to be helping Chad’s campaign thingy here

The camera follows Purse as he wanders over to a nearby Gungan.

Purse: Senator Binks, are you aware of marijuana’s medicinal properties?

Jar Jar: Meesa thinks weed is good for the soul.

Purse: wise words from Senator Binks, oh look! Here’s Jedi Master Yoda

The camera turns from Jar Jar to zoom into Yoda as Purse crouches down next to the green man.

Purse: Yoda! Got a question for you, why do you talk the way you do?

The camera zooms in to properly capture Yoda’s affronted expression.

Yoda: a rude question, that is young Purse! If you know not why I speak the way I do, never in the world will you make it!

Purse: Right okay, next question! What are your thoughts on the new Mon Calamari Sweed – Sea Weed as a viable and more ethical alternative to Spice?

Yoda: Yes.

Purse, nodding: An informed answer. Another thing, why do you stick to Yaddle and not find another drug dealer?

Yoda: A cop, are you? Answer this, I shall not.

Purse: One more question before we let you go, do you as the wise Jedi Masterr Yoda have any advice you’d like to impart upon the viewers?

Yoda turns right to the camera before answering.

Yoda: Frog on log and ye olde sea dog, stuck in a bog, never should you.

Purse: So close to a rhyme! Thank you Master Yoda!

Yoda hobbles away down the street, the camera zooming into him as he pauses to examine some street vendor.

Purse: Aran!

The camera quickly flicks over to Purse.

Aran: What.

Purse sighs and quickly addresses the camera again

Purse: Thanks for watching! This was That Random Clone! Make sure to like and subscribe for more cool fuckin content!

The camera turns to face the ground but the audio is still on.

Purse: Wow, maybe I should be voting for Jar Jar

Aran, deadpan: You can’t vote.

Purse: Way to rub it in. We elect Chad, get the right to vote, then vote for Jar Jar.

Aran: Because that’s how democratically run elections work.

Purse: Look, I know what I’m talking about! Last night I read an article about the Senate.

Aran: Purse, you’re dyslexic.

Purse: I looked at the pictures! They are also a very important medium of story-telling!

Aran:

Purse: Fine. If you really want to know I was watching the Sny’s Senate political comedy.

Aran: Which is a-

Purse: -a clear rip-off of Sy Snootles, yes.

Aran: Oh has this holo-camera been on?

Purse: YOU MOTHERFU-

The camera turns off.

Chapter Text

Realistically, there was no wrong side of the bed to wake up on, but somehow Fox managed to fuck that up every morning.

After dragging himself into his office, sipping what felt like his third cup of watery bullshit that the mess hall called caf, Fox glared through bleary eyes at the stack of files on his desk.

Fuck.

With a drawn-out sigh, Fox sat down and placed his cup onto the desk, some the brown liquid sloshing over side and partially spilling onto an open file.

“And that’s why I use data pads,” said Cody from the doorway, wearing the bottom half of his armour and a hoodie.

Fox turned to glare at his bastard of a brother, ignoring the little voice in his head irking him about regulations, regulations, regulations. It sounded a little like the late Chancellor.

Cody had been off world quite a bit after their little Sith-Killing mission, he hadn’t told any of his brothers what he had been doing, but he seemingly only came back to Coruscant to say some sort of snarky comment to Fox. However, this campaign thing…Fox wanted no part of it but if it had garnered Cody’s interest? Well he’d keep an eye on it, just in case.

“Why does everyone like you so much?” Fox leaned back in his chair, “Surely they know how much of a shit you are?”

His brother shrugged, entering the room and grabbing the chair opposite Fox.

“If people think you’re a competent, boring commander,” Cody said with a sly grin, “you can get a lot of things. For example, after hours access to government buildings and alcohol in your office.”

Fox slammed his hands on the desk, “I knew it!” He pointed an accusing finger at his brother. “You did take my brandy!”

Cody leaned forward, innocently placing an unopened bottle of Corellian brandy on the desk.

Hm.

“Forgiven,” Fox grumbled, grabbing the bottle and putting it into his desk drawer.

Cody picked up the file that the caf had spilled on, examining it curiously.

“Hey, that’s confidential,” Fox protested weakly as he made no move to stop Cody.

“There’s a sith on Coruscant?” Cody questioned, “Why didn’t I know about this?”

With a shrug, Fox tried to explain, “It’s not confirmed and they don’t seem to be a huge threat. Besides, you were off world so often it didn’t seem like something to bother you with.”

“Fox, we’re brothers, you can always bother me with shit. Especially when there’s a sith involved.”

Right, that was a good point. Honestly though? Fox hadn’t exactly read that entire file yet, and given the speed Cody was scanning it at, he probably knew more about the situation than him.

His brother continued to read further down the page and paused, “Wait, this says there was evidence found that the Sith is involved with the election.”

“What?”

Cody raised an eyebrow, “How much of this have you actually read?”

Fox gave a noncommittal shrug, “Just keep reading.”

“Says not much more after that, just that they helped orchestrate multiple kidnappings and blackmailing within the Senate,” Cody gave Fox a look. “We need to let Chad know.”

Fox cursed, his day was about to get a lot more difficult.

He pressed a button on his comm, “Soupy? I need you to find CT-Chad. I have some information for him.”

Chapter Text

“Babe you may not be the Mandalor but you can be the alor of my heart any day.” Rad professed. .

Chad shook his head, “Nah bro he’s a captain right? He’s the captain of your heart!”

G'ika took in this situation with a sort of abject horror forming behind his eyes. Part of supporting your bros meant supporting your bro’s friend in his quest for love. Hopefully Rex was into Mando’a related pick-up lines.

The bro squad, Rad, Aayla and G’ika were seated in a Spolive Garden, an environment for mediocre first dates and election campaign planning alike. Chad figured they were getting two ‘ronas with one bottle opener with this.

Purse interrupted, “what about physical appearance? Tell him his abs are like beskar and that his eyes hold all the mystery and beauty of space.”

Chad and Aran nodded in agreement.

“I think you should compliment his personality,” said Kit, “I think you should say that his heart is as big as his-“

“No!” Aayla interrupted, “you guys aren’t getting anywhere with this.”

“Okay then genius, what would you suggest?” Purse asked.

With a shrug Aayla responded, “just say he looks hot while dismantling the rise of fascism. That’s what I did.”

“Here’s what you do. You go up to him and say that his eyes are like the ocean and that you’d surf that wave any day.” Rad spoke up.

“His eyes are brown?” G’ika pointed out, confused.

Rad shrugged, “Ocean’s brown too if you’re colourblind enough.”

“Are you colourblind?”

“What are you, a cop?”

“Bros c’mon we need to work together,” Chad reprimanded them.

“Write him a song,” Aran suggested, “you’re no stranger to love, just write your feelings.”

“Look, these won’t work,” protested G’ika. “You know the rules and so do I. He’s so cool and a full commitment is what I’m thinking of.”

“G’ika dude you gotta stop thinking you aren’t cool enough for him. Honestly, you wouldn’t get this from any other guy.” Aayla said.

“You got this bro!” Chad grinned, “explain to him that you’ll never give him up and never let him down and that you would never run around and desert him.”

Aayla nodded, “You’d never make him cry or say goodbye.”

“What – why are you saying this? I’d never tell a lie and hurt him or anything remotely similar!” G’ika exclaimed, placing his head in his hands. “I cannot believe I agreed to let some strangers help with my love life.”

Chad shrugged, “we’re here now, might as well make the best of it.”

With a groan, G’ika settled into his fate as a new person walked up to their table. Chad looked over to greet the newcomer, a clone with short pink hair.

“‘Sup dude!”

“Chad?” The new clone questioned, giving the entire group a good look.

“The one and only!”

“Hi there, I’m Soupy and I just have a quick message from Commander Fox.”

Hmm. Chad loved and appreciated all of his bros but Commander Fox was sure something else. Nonetheless, he’d listen to this message.

Soupy cleared their throat before reading from a datapad.

“To Chad the clone: accidentally found out that there’s a Sith on Coruscant who helped orchestrate Bail’s kidnapping and knows stuff about various blackmail that;s going on. Technically it’s Corrie Guard business which I told you to keep out of, but Cody convinced me it would be funny to watch you scramble after a Sith, so I’m giving you a head start to get info for your campaign. My intel says they should be in the Senate building this evening. Good luck I guess. Fox”

The table sat in silence for almost a minute, as they contemplated this message.

“There’s a Sith on Coruscant?” Rad began, breaking the silence.

Purse took a bite of his cracker, “Seems so.”

They all looked to Chad.

Right. Chad would crack open a beer to help him think, but he doubted that would inspire much confidence in the group. Both Cody and Fox had experience in hunting down Sith, and if they thought Chad and the bros could handle this one? That was a good sign. Only issue was-

“I’ve got a date,” he blurted out.

“What?” Questioned Kit.

Right, perhaps not the best way that could’ve been worded.

“I mean,” Chad clarified, “I’m meeting Gute and his sister Glute this evening for drinks and to hash out some of this political tension. Glute’s idea.”

“I’ve got a surfers meet-up tonight,” Rad mentioned helpfully.

“Okay, the rest of us need to figure out a way to divide campaign duties and getting this information from the Sith.” Aran mused.

They’d entered the campaign race so late, they couldn’t really afford to fall behind. They still needed to draft his next speech on top of everything else.

“Fives said he needed some time to think about stuff, so he’s out. Aayla, if you and Padme could figure out a rough draft for my speech, that would be bro-tastic. Kit, Aran and Purse I’m sending you three after this Sith. And G’ika-”

“I don’t want any part of this.”

“Go get Sporklift certified, guys like guys who have their sporklift certifications.”

G’ika got up and left. Fair enough.

“Okay,” Chad stood dramatically. “We meet back here tomorrow morning, I’ll reserve this table.”

“This Spolive Garden doesn’t take reservations,” Purse informed usefully.

“Then we meet back at whichever table is free and we pull over some chairs!” Declared Chad.

And with that, the gang dispersed and set off on their missions.

ARAN

A clone, a Mandalorian and a Jedi walked into the Senate. Sounds like the start of a bad joke, Aran thought to themself as the trio got cleared through security. The punchline would probably be some shitty one-liner about Geonosis or Jango Fett. Hopefully Aran’s head would remain attached to their shoulders. Although – there was apparently a rumour that Jango had survived and was living on Tatooine.

Aran pushed away the urge to travel to the desert planet and see if the rumours were true. The questions they held about their former teacher could wait for now.

With all the campaign planning, events, and meetings with Padme and Bail, the Senate itself had become a some-what familiar place.

“In the Senate, Fox said, does he know how bloody big the Senate is?” Purse grumbled as they made their way across the expansive entryway towards the elevators.

Kit chuckled, “He did mention it would be funny watching us run after a Sith, probably watching us on the security cameras.”

Purse stopped in his tracks, looking around for a moment before flipping off the nearest camera.

It was a dumb move, Aran thought with fondness. Then they were abruptly horrified at the idea that they’d feel fond about Purse.

The intercom in the Senate Foyer dinged once before a neutral tone announced,

“We apologise for interrupting your day, however, would staff and distinguished guests please note that the top floor and the roof are currently off-limits due to malfunctions. Any prior engagements that were situated in either area are now being relocated. We apologise for the inconvenience.”

Kit grinned, “I think we’ve found our Sith.”

Of course it would be the roof, Aran thought with a huff, the Sith had the high ground.

The elevator ride had been ridiculously long, given the number of floors between the ground and the top. They’d used this time to agree that Kit would quickly scan the top floor whilst Aran and Purse checked out the roof.

“Good luck,” Kit said before stepping out of the elevator. “May the Force be with you.”

The doors shut. Kit’s words casting on almost ominous feeling over the elevator as it moved up to the roof.

Purse twitched slightly.

“Have you ever fought a Sith before?”

Aran didn’t look back.

“No.”

Oh no, Aran realised, it was up to them to lighten the mood. Usually Chad or Kit had some one-liner that eased the tension but they weren’t here. Fuck.

“What, are you scared?” They tried for a joking tone of voice.

Thankfully, it seemed to work.

“Uh, no,” Purse responded, “I was just trying to gauge how much I’d be pulling your weight in this fight.”

“Who says it’ll come down to a fight?”

Purse hummed, “It usually does with darksiders.”

“You speak as if you chat with Sith over the holo-web.”

The elevator stopped, they’d reached the roof.

Purse stepped out.

“You’d be surprised at who comes to me looking for favours.”

That was something Aran would have to ruminate on later. They’d entered a small entryway with a door that read in block letters: ROOF.

No shit.

“Who the hell are you guys?”

A dark grey Mikkian with specks of gold stepped towards them from a corner.

“Special forces?” Purse tried.

The Mikkian made an annoyed sound, reaching for a comm at their belt.

A comm that was hanging next to a lightsaber.

The Sith.

“Ran into some trouble,” the Mikkian raised the comm to their lips. “Will be enroute soon. Darth Heehoo out.”

Darth Heehoo? Aran shared a glance with Purse. An interesting name.

“Well fellas! I’ll be off now,” Darth Heehoo declared, moving their hand in a shoving motion, as Aran and Purse found themselves being pushed back, away from the door that Heehoo ran through.

Days like these, Aran hated the Force.

“Be careful,” Aran muttered as they went through the entrance, quickly looking around, when the door slammed shut behind them.

Purse frowned and tried the handle but shook his head.

“It’s locked.”

Aran pursed their lips behind their helmet, but was certain their irritation would be communicated to Purse. They shrugged,

“We’ve always got my jetpack.”

“Flying scares the shit out of me,” Purse grumbled to himself, but left the door alone and went to examine their surroundings.

The roof was spacious with a small bar and seating area for functions. Aran looked around and quickly spotted Heehoo almost on the other side.

“Shit,” said Purse, quickly running after them. “We’ve gotta stop them, we need that info about the Senators!”

Aran searched their thoughts for something that could help.

“You’re a joke,” Aran called, their words echoing as Heehoo stopped in their tracks and turned back towards them.

The Sith seemed to contemplate them for a second as Aran and Purse raced to catch them.

Aran could only watch as with an almost lazy flick of their hand, Heehoo Force-shoved Purse right to the edge of the roof. Purse grasped at thin-air before tumbling backwards with a yell.

They quickly sent their jetpack off the rooftop, down to Purse, when a shot rang out and Aran felt something impact their arm. They looked down, heart racing, to their bracer, which was now destroyed. The jetpack would be out of commission. It wouldn’t save Purse.

Why the fuck does this keep happening?

Aran spun around to see Heehoo grinning, blaster held at the ready.

“Take me seriously now?”

Aran marched over, “You know Mandalorians have a long, long history of killing force users? Even pathetic ones like you. Especially pathetic ones like you.”

Heehoo’s smile seemed to widen, “Uh, no, you can’t kill me. Not yet. I know that I have information you want and if you don’t get us both off this roof safely, you won’t get it.”

“You just destroyed my one way off this rooftop!” Aran snapped harshly, frustrated at this so-called Sith and held up their still smoking bracer, blood pumping through their veins as they grew more enraged.

With a shrug, Heehoo glanced over the side of the building, “I’m sure a smart mando like you could figure something out.”

Aran groaned internally, they couldn’t process what happened to Purse right now. They needed to find a way off this fucking roof.

They began stalking around the area to try to find some ideas as Heehoo began to speak.

“I’ve got to say being up here is pretty cool. Empowering even. Makes you want to yell ‘I AM the Senate’ you know?”

“What is this, your villain monologue?” Aran checked the door again to no avail.

“Yeah, and you’re interrupting.”

Aran breathed out harshly. Wait –

“How were you going to get off the roof?”

“Honestly? I was planning on hiding behind the bar until you two left, I didn’t know the door would lock either.” Heehoo admitted.

Great. Aran was stuck out here with an idiot who wasn’t Purse.

They looked over the side of the building again, hoping to see that Purse had somehow managed to catch himself on the side.

All Aran saw was open air.

Then, to Aran’s surprise and relief, the door burst open revealing Kit Fisto leading a squad of guards including Soupy and Fox, who somehow looked both bored and amused.

“You’ll never catch me!” Heehoo yelled and turned to run but collapsed almost immediately as Fox shot them with a stun bolt.

“Why wouldn’t you just use your lightsaber,” he grumbled as the guards dragged Heehoo off.

Kit patted Aran on the back, “You tried dude.”

“What about Purse? He’s gone.”

“Uh no I’m not?” Purse said as he made his way around the guards.

Aran breathed in. And out. They weren’t that old but they were going to develop some sort of heart condition if they went on like this.

“Yeah I heard Purse’s scream and grabbed him with the Force,” Kit informed Aran and Fox who was idly listening.

“It was not a scream,” Purse protested, “it was a very dignified yell. Strategic you could call it.”

How Purse could carry on so normally after this many near-death experiences, Aran would never know.

“Right,” Kit continued, amusement showing. “Then I had to hold him up to the window while I found a way to get it open.”

“Fucking embarressing.”

“Would you rather I slammed you through the glass?”

Purse actually seemed to think about it. “I guess not.”

“That’s all well and good,” Aran interrupted, “but now we do need to find a way off this roof.”

Fox stared at them with visible exhaustion.

“You do realise I have a keycard, right?”

Oh. Right.

It had been a long day.

The next morning Aran sat down at the first available table in Spolive Garden with Aayla, Kit and Purse. Chad was notably missing. Thankfully Aran had recovered their jetpack and was in the process of fixing their bracer. They hadn’t exactly slept well last night but at least Heehoo was in the custody of Coruscant Guard and hopefully they’d sort the thing with the Senators out.

“Boys we’ve got a problem,”

Aran turned wearily to where Chad and Gute Nunray stood, both looking ridiculously sheepish.

“What is he doing here?”

Chad winced, and if Chad was embarrassed by something you knew it was gonna be bad.

“We got stupidly drunk and now we are married,” Gute butted in, looking not all too happy about it.

“Congrats,” said Aayla, holding back laughter.

Purse spat out the cracker he was eating.

Aran tried their best to look incredibly displeased despite the helmet.

“Purse I’m angry.”

“On it.”

Purse whipped out a whiteboard marker and quickly scribbled angry looking eyebrows over Aran’s visor.

Chad got married to Gute. Chad…got married…to Gute.

“Why would you do that?” Aran asked, astounded. It made no sense, even drunk, to get married to your political opponent.

Chad shrugged, “seemed like a good idea at the time, marry each other to ease the tension of the political shit, you know?”

Aran looked to Aayla for help, Aayla shrugged. Ugh.

“It kind of makes sense, I’d marry Purse,” Aran concluded reluctantly.

“What?” Purse asked, astounded.

Aran clarified, “for the tax benefits.”

“I’d marry for love,” Chad interrupted, “I love all you bros I’d marry any and all of you I love having friends.”

“But you married Gute?” Cody raised an eyebrow.

“Guess we’re just doing this in the wrong order,” Chad reasoned, “marriage first, buddies later.”

Gute frowned, “Definitely not,” he sighed to himself and muttered, “Rush will be so mad.”

“Wait…you and Rush are together?” Purse questioned, somehow shocked at this information.

Huh. Honestly as much as they hated to admit it, Aran had figured Purse knew about almost everything. Dude seemed to have so much blackmail and connections that he seemed to have universal knowledge. Guess the Gute and Rush thing didn’t really concern him all that much so he didn’t pay close attention. Maybe.

“Yes?” Gute broke out of his stupor, “I introduce him to everyone as my partner!”

“Yeah, I just kinda figured you meant partner in crime.”

“Why would I–” Gute clasped his head in his hands. “Being around you lot is making me lose braincells and I have a big enough headache already.”

“Hangover?” Chad sympathised, “Next time we should stop by Swaffle House and grab their Super Duper Cool Hangover Cure.”

“There will most certainly not be a next time,” Gute insisted, “We are getting this annulled so I can move on with my campaign.”

“Sounds good bro,” Chad gave a thumbs up, “How do we do that?”

Kit answered this, which didn’t surprise Aran at all.

“You can get the documents from Master Windu, since Anakin kept accidentally getting married on various planets because he forgot to read up on their customs, Mace carries a few on hand just in case. Either that or because Yaddle got married once to Max Rebo, which was incredibly annoying to get annulled.”

“I have so many questions,” Gute shook his head.

On this, Aran could agree.

“Great!” Chad clapped his hands. “This will be super duper easy!”

It was not super duper easy.

Aran’s brain felt like it was about to implode and Purse looked like his already had.

They’d gotten the documents from Mace Windu (who had shook his head either in amusement or disappointment, Aran could never tell), they’d gotten it signed by a notary (Dex, because a lot of people came to get official documents signed in his diner), Aran and Kit had signed it as witnesses (Purse didn’t count as a citizen yet and besides, he said he refused to leave a paper trail), and yet they were stuck in this line waiting for it to be approved and filed by the Relationships Office.

Why there was a Relationships Office, Aran would never know.

“So you two have signed it, had two witnesses sign it and had it signed by a notary?” The guy behind the counter asked.

“Yes,” Gute snapped, seemingly as impatient as the rest of them.

In the time that they’d been waiting Aran had repaired their bracer, Chad had gone over the Padme’s notes on his speech with Aayla (whilst they made Gute block his ears), and Purse and Kit had played nearly 20 games of tic-tac-toe on Aran’s armour.

Now, they were nearly out.

“All seems to be in order then!” The guy said and stamped their form before filing it away. “That’s all done then!”

“It’s done? It’s been annulled?” Gute insisted.

“Oh annulled?” The guy shook his head as Aran’s heart dropped. “I thought you wanted it renewed!”

“Its been less than a day!” Kit exclaimed, “Why would they want it renewed!”

The guy chuckled, “That’s what I thought! Oh well,” he got the papers back out. “I just have a different form for you to fill out.”

They all groaned.

Finally, they’d gotten this stupid marriage annulled. Gute glared at every single one of them before calling himself a speeder and zooming off.

“I’m craving crackers,” Purse said suddenly, “Let’s regroup at my apartment.”

Aran was too tired to protest so off the group went.

They’d entered the apartment into a bloody mess. Literally.
Fives stood in the middle of the room, blood soaking into his shirt as he clutched a body that Aran now recognised as Soupy, a knife handle protruding from their stomach.

“Guys,” Fives looked up pleadingly. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Chapter Text

Blood was soaked into Purse’s carpet, and Soupy was too still.

Fives looked at his hands and wondered how much of his brothers’ blood stained them.

Too much.

Kit snapped into action, quickly taking off his shirt to try stem the flow of blood. With a curse, Purse ran into his apartment and quickly returned with a medpack. He took out a needle and quickly jabbed it into Soupy’s leg.

Meanwhile, Fives stood there frozen as the others ran around trying to save Soupy.

“Aran,” Chad said in a voice that was devoid of all joy and relaxation that Fives had grown used to. “Can you carry Soupy to the Jedi Temple?”

Aran nodded solemnly, gently lifting Soupy up and igniting their jetpack as they stepped out of the apartment and took off.
The rest of the room seemed to take a collective breath of relief.

“Fives, I’m sure you have an explanation,” Chad gently coaxed him into Purse’s bright purple couch. “Just try and tell us what you can.”

With a deep sigh, Fives closed his eyes and tried to recall the events that led up to the incident.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cody sighed, “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”

Oh no.

Hazard and Fives had just begun hunting down a lead to find the person behind Bail’s kidnapping when they’d been faced down by Marshal Commander Cody with his most “what do you think you’re doing?” face yet.

Cody had taken them back to his apartment where they were now seated at his table, facing his disappointed gaze.

“Fives I understand where you’re coming from but I need you to trust that myself and Fox will find the person responsible, okay?”

Fives exhaled slowly. “What am I supposed to do? Sit around and do nothing?”

Cody rubbed his forehead, “No, help Chad with his election. This would mean a better future for us if he wins, we must ensure that he succeeds.”

How the hell was Fives supposed to do that? He had no experience in politics and every time he’d entered the Senate someone had either been kicked out of a window or kidnapped.

Another excruciating second passed whilst Fives was critiqued by Cody’s gaze before he turned to Hazard.

“You can go if you want,” He dismissed.

Hazard stood up and clapped Fives on the back as if saying ‘good luck’ which, if Fives was being honest, he would need.

At the sound of the door clicking shut, Cody turned back to address Fives.

“I appreciate everything you’ve done so far, but I think you deserve a break from conspiracies to be honest. Enjoy your time with Chad and the others. You’re a protective and fierce person who knows how to get things done. You have incredible value to the team.”

Oh, Fives wasn’t expecting that from Cody.

He nodded carefully, and with that, Cody showed him out.

Fives meandered aimlessly through the streets outside, thinking about what Cody had said.

He did have a point, after the whole chip thing, Fives was done with conspiracies.

Then through the bustling crowd, he spotted a familiar face, Soupy.

Trying to manoeuvre through the crowd to reach them, Fives stared as Soupy spotted him, waving Fives over before they were bumped by a mikkian, and Soupy’s face contorted in pain.

Fives quickly tried to make his way over, getting jostled by a man who muttered,

“Look after your own, clone.”

Ignoring him, Fives made his way to Soupy’s side, telling the bystanders that they were his friend. A knife protruded from Soupy’s stomach, covering the concrete in a dark red.

Fucking shit.

Fives did his best to help but he was no medic, they were too far from the Jedi Temple or any hospital, but they were close to Purse’s apartment.

That would have to do.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fives recounted this to Chad, Kit and Purse. All three listened intently and when he was done, they looked at each other.

“That mikkian…” Kit mused, then shook his head, “No – Heehoo’s being interrogated.”

Purse interrupted suddenly, “That could be the answer! Heehoo might know who stabbed Soupy or tell us who the boss is.”

“Are you sure?” Chad raised an eyebrow, “Isn’t Heehoo the same person who kicked you off a roof?”

Fives fought back the urge to ask who exactly this Heehoo was.

With a shrug, Purse confirmed, “Yeah but it’s the only way I reckon we can figure this out.”

“And why would they tell us any of this information?” Kit interjected.

“Because,” Purse paused for dramatic effect, “We’re gonna break them out of jail!”

“Huh? What? Why?” Fives spluttered, despite having no knowledge of who Heehoo was.

“Fives has a point,” Kit adopted what Fives liked to call the ‘thoughtful jedi’ stance. “Why would we break a known Sith out of jail?”

Purse grinned and Fives could already see the cogs turning in his mind, “You’ll see. Just trust me.”

—---

And that’s how Fives found himself sitting opposite a Sith. He was never going to trust Purse again.

“I see you’re still alive,” Darth Heehoo grunted pointedly to Purse, handcuffs thudding against the table as they made themself comfortable.

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” Purse grumbled.

Usually at this point, Chad would cut in with a funny but well-meaning comment or Kit would start a witty discussion that would eventually have Heehoo telling them everything. However, they were both off somewhere else, organising what Purse called ‘the key to the whole thing’

With a roll of their eyes, Heehoo turned to Fives, “And I haven’t met you yet.”

He raised an eyebrow, and hoped he appeared confident enough. Battalions like the 501st weren’t exactly involved in a lot of investigation or espionage, instead Fives and the rest of the 501st were trained to be a force of brute strength and military tactics. So as long as Purse didn’t expect Fives to pull out some mind-blowing interrogation tactics, confidence would have to do.

“I’m Fives and you’re a criminal. Nice to meet you.”

“Well I’m not really a criminal, not yet. They’re still interrogating me aren’t they?”

“Actually,” Purse held up a sheet of paper. “They already got you for trespassing and attempted murder, the interrogation is for information on the Sith and for stabbing.”

“Please,” Heehoo chuckled, “I haven’t tried to stab anyone or kill anyone.”

Purse crossed his arms.

“Other than you at least.”

Purse shrugged, “We aren’t interested in that.”

Both Fives and Heehoo turned to him with an interested stare. In Fives’ mind, Soupy getting stabbed was pretty serious and maybe they should be interested in that part.

Purse shot him an indecipherable look, hopefully that was good. If only Aran were here, they at least had a braincell and understood Purse, somewhat.

“We’re interested in the election for Chancellor,” Purse continued, “Particularly how you’ve been blackmailing and kidnapping senators.”

“Oh really?” Heehoo said with another laugh. “Why would I be interested in senators? Politics are boring. I don’t care for that. I was barely involved, why that Gute guy was so interested in getting that information on Senator Saam, I don’t know.”

“So Gute Nunray has been the one blackmailing senators?” Purse muttered, ticking something off on his paper with a very mechanical-looking pen.

“Ah shitting-siths, you weren’t supposed to know that,” Heehoo cursed, visibly worried.

That was smart, Fives realised. He hadn’t even realised any Senators had been blackmailed, no wonder Gute had so much support.

“That’s okay, whatever previous agreements you had don’t need to matter anymore. I can help you, if you help me.”

“Oh yeah?” Scoffed Heehoo, “How so?”

Purse leaned forward with a sharp look in his eyes, reminiscent of how General Kenobi would look when he spotted a tactical flaw in the Seperatist’s plan.

“I can get you out of this place. Now. And I can get those charges put to rest. However, I need your help. We know it wasn’t you who stabbed our friend but it was a mikkian.”

Heehoo’s eyes visibly widened with this information. Purse grinned.

“So you need to tell us everything you know. About the Sith, the election, the stabbing, all of it, and we’ll get you out of here. Deal?”

There was maybe a second of deliberation, but Fives ended up breathing a sigh of relief when Heehoo nodded.

“Deal.”

Purse stood up and walked to the wall behind Heehoo, “I suggest you both come over here now.”

Fives quickly got up as Heehoo scrambled over, hands still in cuffs. Purse turned over the table and they all crouched behind it.

“Brilliant,” Purse lifted his weird, mechanical pen, that Fives realised sort of looked like a comm, and spoke into it. “Lets Rebo this to the Max.”

Nothing happened for a second, then, Fives heard a faint beeping.

All of a sudden, the wall exploded. Or seemed to before some of the dust cleared for Fives to see that a reinforced sporklift had crashed through into the room, driven by the pink-haired guy that Fives remembered as G’ika.

“Oh no,” G’ika pronounced, “I have accidentally crashed this sporklift because it does not fit into the SPOSHA regulations. And now these guys are kidnapping me with the sporklift.”

“You are many things, G’ika, but an actor isn’t one of them.” Purse remarked as he guided Heehoo and Fives onto the sporklift.

“Nice get-away driver,” said Heehoo to no one in particular.

“Hey!” Protested G’ika as the sporklift zoomed, as much as a sporklift could, through the streets of Coruscant. “I got my sporklift licence for this!”

Somehow they made their way back to Purse’s apartment without being caught. Chad and Kit were waiting inside with Captain Bagel. Ah, so Captain Bagel and G’ika had been how they’d managed to get into the interrogation room with Heehoo in the first place. It would be great if someone told Fives something about the plan.

“Spill.” Purse demanded the second they all got inside and seated on various surfaces around the room.

“Well, with all the Sith being killed or captured after the end of the war, I was able to upgrade and become a Sith myself. And as we all know, there needs to be a master, and an apprentice.”

Heehoo pursed their lips, “Have any of you heard of Darth Yeehaw?”