Chapter Text
Bounce. Bounce
He knew he’d always bounce back.
~~
Draco had strange habits, he’d been told. At the moment, he stood by the window of the Astronomy Tower and stared down at the younger first year kids as they ran across the grounds of their school. Their laughter was loud though muted in comparison to his own first year when the children who ran were untainted by the memories so deep, they were nothing without the losses that now defined them. Louisa Aulus, orphan, older sister of toddler twins, Richmond Manius, the boy who took potions to help him sleep without dreams lest the entire dorm be woken up by his shrieks and wails, Hermann Galanis who did not remember what his hometown looked like anymore and neither did he wish to.
He Who Must Not Be Named had spread his terror far and wide and the consequences were reflected in the eyes of children who now did not quite remember how to smile anymore. Smiles that dimmed further as Draco walked down the corridor, as he raised his head to look for an empty seat in the room so no one would sit by him, so he could sit by himself. He was not above denying that it was not on him but when he subconsciously began avoiding rooms where he knew the Golden Trio would be, he reckoned he really did not feel that way. He was too tired to sit a while and ponder so he let the exhaustion mask over as indifference and stayed indoors.
He was standing as he was, in the one room right on top of the astronomy tower. There was nothing much to do here and no one came here anymore. Ever since Professor Sinistra had left and Astronomy classes halted, the only ones who would come up to this dingy room was Draco or the house elves. They too, steered clear of him at all times, throwing hateful or worse, pitying looks his way. He’d ignore them, looking down at the grounds and at the students and teachers that wandered about, too anxious to sit within the closed walls of the school.
There had once been a time in Draco’s life where he had believed that he was destined for greatness. It was only now that he realized that what he saw as greatness was but the mould made by his father’s shadow which too was crafted at the hands of those that hovered around their families. He did not know if the expectations his father had of him were even his own or those of others. He had seen his father at the mercy of others far too many times now, the last few years spent on his knees, head closer to the ground that the stars he had located for Draco and the boy felt like he was slipping far away from himself. Draco had not known himself to be anything but what his father’s expectations had made him but discovering now that those too were nothing but brittle strings holding his father in place left him unmoored.
He wondered where he’d go now, he wondered if he’d do anything but look to the ground for help.
~~
“You may close your books now. We’ll begin with the practical session, so please get up and locate your partners. Get in line, everyone.” Professor McGonagall’s voice rang across the classroom as stools scraped across the floor and the students began getting up. The slight murmuring passed by Draco, he knew none of the conversations were meant to include him so he silently got up, and stood by his stool. He knew Hermione would find him, they both liked working in corners, undisturbed. They had passed one another by many times over the years during exam seasons and had noted in amiable acknowledgement how their patterns had resembled one another’s. They would both sit by large windows that overlooked the trees of the Forbidden Forest, large tomes opened in front of them.
Hermione did reach him, a soft “hello” accompanying her. Her two friends, he knew, would situate themselves close by with their respective partners and it made him feel warm to know that these three cared for one another enough to look out even after all their past dangers had passed.
“Let’s begin, shall we? You can try the incantation on me first. I may not have noted the pronunciation right all the way so I’d like to observe.”, she said in her sweet voice. She was obviously lying, Hermione Granger had never noted anything wrong in her whole life, but Draco felt that maybe this was her way of being kind to him. Maybe she pitied him, maybe she wanted to show him that she sympathised. She had, after all, begun S.P.E.W. in their fourth year. He was too tired and the astronomy tower was too far away so all he could do was raise his head and tug the enchantment out of his lips.
It took them both a few tries each to get it right but at the end of the assigned 20 minutes, they had both gained a decent grasp on the whole thing. It was fairly simple, the incantation was to be muttered along the rhythm of the heartbeat, allowing no space for error. It was the loudest sound in any room for Draco. He looked over slightly to see how Potter and Weasley were fairing and sure enough, while Potter seemed somewhat alright, if highly distracted, Weasley was a whole mess. Hermione chimed out a soft laugh and excused herself, running over to help her flailing boyfriend and slightly panicked partner. He turned around and stared out his window. The tree obscured a whole lot of his vision but the lake beyond it was recognizable by its rippling surface.
“Didn’t know you could still be so interested in a lake you’ve lived by for eight years. You’d think the novelty would wear out after a year or three.” Potter’s low voice came from his right shoulder along with the slight scent of wood and jasmine that seemed to accompany him everywhere and Draco froze. He felt a keen gaze on him. He felt a huge weight settle somewhere in his stomach.
“Well, I guess everyone has their own thing. Ron still can’t get over how the Quidditch pitch looks early in the morning, “Mione’s got her thing with the books and the Whomping Willow. Strange choice, I know.” Potter missed his cue to chuckle right there and the deliberation in this conversation pricked at Draco’s nape. He clenched his fingers, tightened his stomach and steeled his voice.
“And you, Potter? What’ve you got about this place?”
The room was beginning to assemble itself, people were returning to their seats and Draco could hear his own heart again.
“I guess I’ve got the lake too. I’ll get to the bottom of it soon.”, he said, finally chuckling as he walked away. Draco had not yet looked at him but his breath stopped when he heard his words. Turning his head, he saw the boy reaching his desk where his friends watched with impassive faces, Weasley’s eyes on Potter and Hermione’s on him. A shiver ran down his spine.
That night instead of going back to the tower, Draco stayed in his room.
~~
Draco made sure that he never wandered out into the grounds unless it was asked of him by a professor, which in itself was rare. So he reckoned that it had been about two months since he had stepped out of the castle itself. For now he was seated on a bench that lined some of the outer corridors on the upper floors. These were those floors that were reserved for visitors or odd guests that Hogwarts and their staff received but since the last two years had been more or less empty.
He remembered those long forgotten days in their initial years when him and his friends, Vincent, Greg Pansy, Theo and occasionally Astoria used to roam these halls unattended, enter rooms and order the elves to bring them food and beverages. It was their own little secret and the memories he had made here were the few that lived untainted in his mind. Pansy and Theo linking hands behind curtains, Vince and Greg building towers of cards all over the floor, tip-toeing around to prevent them from toppling, Astoria gently reading poems to Draco in her lilting voice that reminded him of his mother. Draco had believed she was soft and pure light that even their underground Slytherin dungeons could not snuff out. Till they did and now the husk of a girl that roamed the corridors was unrecognisable and another gaze for Draco to avoid.
“What are you doing here, Draco?”, a voice snapped him out of his useless melancholy. He had been sitting with his head thrown back and now he massaged his temples feigning a headache as he rubbed away the tears that had flown past his eyes into his hair. Looking up, he found Luna Lovegood standing like a little thing out of those terrifying Grimm’s Tales his mother often read to him, hands clasped at the back, head tilted, a small smile on her thin lips. Her voice rose like Astoria’s and his heart trembled, skipping a beat.
“Nothing much. The air’s good here.”, his pathetic excuse slipped by as he sat up straighter and hoped she would leave him alone. And hoped that she would not.
“It sure does. You can also see quite a few air spirits up here. They’re not as interesting as the Gulping Plimpies or the Heliopaths if you ask me, but they’re just as hardworking. Have you been well, Draco?”, her voice sounded right by his ear now, the girl having seated herself on the ground by the bench.
“I’m alright. I’ve been well. I’ve been alright.”, he stuttered. He couldn’t understand what was happening. Images of her squatting in the cells and smiling at him through the bars as she greeted him in the Manor flashed by. She had looked straight at him after the war had ended and had patted his arm. There were sides to Luna Lovegood and they were all good and she was back to seek him out and show him more. He felt sick and the world was unfair.
“Okay. I’ll stay here. If you feel like telling me how you have really been, I’ll still be here.”, she said to him. He felt so very sick. He got up and he walked back to his room.
~~
That evening the Astronomy Tower did not feel spacious. There were eyes on him and when he stood with his back to the walls, staring at the stones making up the wall across the room, with his eyes closed he could almost smell the jasmine in the air.