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"No, seriously. I can't ask you to do that. Either of you. We can- I’ll pretend to be single, and you two can date openly." Helen stands up at her desk, absolutely aghast. Tony looks completely casual lounging on their bed, seemingly unbothered by the implications of his suggestion. Denice gives a considering nod at Tony’s plan, but at Helen’s objection she drops her pen and crosses the room to stand next to Helen.
It's still a while to graduation, but Helen's signed and ready to join the Houston Aeros come next season. She has enough of a signing bonus she could easily get a mortgage for a house to fit all three of them. Now it's just a question of how they'll let the outside world think of the relationship. Helen is not ready to accept Tony’s suggestion that she and Denice date publicly and tell people that Tony’s their friend who’s living in their basement. That’s ridiculous and it’s only going to hurt both of her loves.
“That’s going to raise a lot of questions,” Denice argues, shaking her head. She touches Helen’s arm. “You have a lot more public attention on you than the two of us. Someone’s going to wonder why you never date anyone. Even if the public doesn’t, your teammates will.” She looks sad, and Helen is scared she’ll find pity in her beautiful dark eyes, but there is none.
“I can handle it. I’m the one who decided to go to the NHL.” Helen’s been hiding her love for a long time. She is used to it the way her loves aren’t. “You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness for me.”
“We’re not happy if you’re not happy,” Denice argues, taking Helen’s hand in hers. “I’ve seen how happy and comfortable you are now that everyone in the Haus basically knows we’re dating. I know we can’t have that, not exactly, but I’m worried that hiding this will put a lot of pressure on you.”
Helen still isn’t convinced. She turns to look at Tony. “It’s you who’d be affected the most. I’m used to hiding things, but you’re just so full of love and I know how important it is to you that you can express it. I promise I’ll be okay, and I know hiding would be really difficult for you. I’m used to keeping things private,” she almost pleads.
Tony shakes his head, looking very determined and a little sad. “I’m the one who suggested it. I’ve thought about it a lot, trust me. But even if you wanted to come out, I’d still be applying for teaching jobs in Texas. I wouldn’t have those job opportunities much longer if I let it out that I was bisexual, or that I have two wonderful girlfriends. My colleagues might ask why I’m single, but the parents don’t care enough to accuse me of anything based on it, not like the media might with you.” It’s not completely alien to hear him be serious, but Helen wishes he didn’t have to be so solemn. Their future should be a happy matter, not a case of risks and careful planning to stay safe and employed.
“I can’t just force you to watch me and Denice be a couple in public, while you have to pretend to be what, our third wheel?” Helen pushes away from her desk and Denice. She needs to get closer to Tony, to make him understand how he’s trying to hurt himself for her sake.
Denice interrupts. “Helen, you’re not forcing anyone.” She’s using her manager voice. Not loud or forceful, but determined. “We are all making a decision together. Everyone’s happiness is important, but the truth is that due to the public nature of your job and the toxic culture, you’re under the most pressure, and would lose the most if people found out about our relationship or about your gender.”
Helen almost wishes Denice was shouting. Then she wouldn’t have to think about how true Denice’s words feel. She wonders if Denice planned her arguments beforehand, it feels like something she likes to do. Still, just because Denice is correct and organized doesn’t mean Helen’s position can’t also be right.
“I made the decision to sign that contract! I’m the one that’s pushing all of us into this situation. Even Tony’s situation would be different if my job wasn’t making us move to Texas.” She’s standing in the middle of the room now, between her two loves.
“Does hockey make you happy?” Tony asks. “The NHL specifically? Not rec league hockey, professional hockey?” It sounds like a genuine question but carries more weight than his usual curious chatter. He’s sitting up on the side of the bed, loving blue eyes fixed on Helen.
Helen blinks at him. She takes a deep breath and blows it out. “Yeah. It’s been my dream for so long, and I am beyond excited to live it. But that doesn’t mean-”
“Theater is going to take a lot from this relationship. I’ll be working long days, on weekends and nights, and the pay isn’t great," Denice cuts in, her patient tone carrying a clear tone of disagreement.
“That’s different,” Helen argues. “Your work isn’t forcing me and Tony to hide anything.”
“But in a way, it still limits our relationship like hockey does,” Denice responds. She, too, steps away from the desk, but there’s none of Helen’s agitation in her movements.
“Helen, why do you think that not being out is so bad for our relationship?” Tony asks, all sincere concern for Helen. It makes her feel sick. He’s the one who’s going to get hurt, yet he’s doting over Helen.
Helen sighs. “Not being closeted, necessarily, but just the fact that it feels like we’re leaving you to the side, Tony. I don’t want you to feel like you’re less important because we can’t date openly.” Tony and Denice don’t look convinced, so Helen tries to think of more reasons. She didn’t think she’d have to talk her loves out of sabotaging their happiness. “I’m going to be off on roadies so often, you two should be able to hold hands in public without creating a cheating scandal.”
“Helen, we can touch each other exactly as much as we want to, just in private.” She crosses the room to sit by Tony on the bed and tosses him a question. “Hey Tony, do you feel bad that you can’t be publicly affectionate with Helen?”
Tony shrugs and shakes his head. “I can still show my love, just less obviously. I don’t infodump to just anyone, you two are special.” His soft smile makes Helen’s heart clench, and Denice puts her hand on his knee. Tony smiles and leans against her.
“That’s different,” Helen argues weakly. “You two could date openly if I wasn’t involved, but even if I wasn’t going to play, Tony could lose his job if someone found out he was dating me.”
“But there’s no point in hypotheticals because you are involved in this relationship. We told you that when we got together. We don’t want to do it without you, because we love you and you are important to us,” Denice says. Tony shows his agreement with the way he looks at Helen while snuggling closer to Denice.
It’s their united front that takes the wind out of Helen’s sails. She looks between her two loves, both telling her that they have thought this over and want to do it with her. It’s just like the time they told her that they wanted to date her. “Fine. But if it gets too difficult, for either of you, you need to say something. I need to know that you’re happy.”
“I promise.”
“I promise.”
Denice and Tony speak almost in unison, and it startles everyone into a surprised laugh.
As the laughter starts to die down Denice smiles a soft smile, one that belongs to just the three of them, and says, “I suppose we should think about practical matters.”
Helen gets up to go hug and kiss her loves. “Yeah, we should,” she says, making no effort to start having that conversation just yet. Instead, she cuddles into Tony’s side and for a moment they’re all just laying there, before Denice says, “But not right now,” and pulls Helen into a kiss. Helen smiles into her lips, putting one arm behind Tony to hold him tight and using the other to pull Denice into her lap. Somehow, she ends up in Tony’s lap instead, and now it’s Tony holding Helen’s face to pull her into a kiss.
After that it’s a blur of lips and hands and Helen is so happy. It’s still hard to believe she gets to have this, Denice’s hand on the nape of her neck under her braid, leaning into a kiss, and Tony’s hand on her bare knee, skirt pushed out of the way. She melts into the embrace of the two warm bodies around her, floating on a happy cloud of love.
It’s Tony who eventually remembers what they were doing before all the kissing started. He pulls his hand off and smooths Helen’s shirt back down, detaches himself from Denice’s neck and taps her shoulder to draw her attention away from kissing Helen. She and Denice are wearing matching pouts as he says, “Hey, weren’t we in the middle of something here?”
“That’s my line,” Denice responds, batting his shoulder but smiling as she does.
Helen smiles and shakes her head. “Right. Practical matters?” She looks at the disarray of all their clothes and hair. “But let’s get on the floor, I will get distracted if we stay here.”
There are assorted laughs and giggles as they settle on the floor. It’s better for talking than the floor, anyway, since they can all see and reach each other, and there’s no chance of anyone falling over the side. They exchange a few kisses on the floor, but settle down, knees bumping.
They all remember the ease of letting the Waffles draw their own conclusions about their relationship, so it’s quickly decided. No one should have to hide in the Ford-Tangredi-Whisk home. (It’s a working title.)
“I don’t care what my teammates think, they’ll just have to reach their own conclusions about why I never invite them over,” Helen states boldly. She catches sight of the fond, proud looks Denice and Tony are giving her. “Yeah yeah, don’t patronize me,” she huffs out with a laugh. “I took a bit longer to figure out that avoiding any and all suspicion from hockey players is not the best way to live my life, but I got there eventually!”
“That’s all right, you’re there now,” Denice says. Helen squeezes her hand as a thank you. She never thought she could have this, but here she is, negotiating what her future will look like with the two people she loves the most and who love her just as much.
Tony looks like he isn’t sure if he should laugh or feel sad about Helen’s past. After a moment, he shakes it off and opens his mouth. “Um, what about friends and family?”
Helen takes a deep breath. “If you trust them, I trust them.” That’s not something she could have imagined herself saying a few years ago, but she’s learned to know and trust her boyfriend and girlfriend, and she’s not the scared teenager who started at Samwell swearing no one would ever find out about her gender or sexuality.
Tony and Denice nod. Tony says, “We’ll use our best judgment when telling new people.”
“Helen, do you want to be out to them as trans?” Denice asks.
She tries to run her hand through her hair, forgetting that Denice braided it earlier. “Um, if that’s okay, not really. I don’t want to wear my male clothes at home, but I have some stuff that’s less obviously feminine. But I’m just stressed about someone forgetting and telling someone new, and well, I don’t really feel the need to.”
“Yeah, that’s okay. But I’ll talk about you as Whiskey, yeah?” Tony agrees.
“Helen, of course. It’s your gender, you get to decide what feels safe and comfortable to you,” Denice says.
The two sentences of reassurance come with no hesitation, and Helen smiles. “Thank you.”
Helen holds her arms out for a hug and repeats, “Thank you.” She gathers her loves into her arms and holds on tight, places a kiss on both their heads and says, “I love you.” The sun shines through the attic window, placing them in a glowing rectangle like a promise of happy days to come.