Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandoms:
Relationship:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 2 of Shorties
Stats:
Published:
2022-07-23
Completed:
2022-07-24
Words:
8
Chapters:
3/3
Comments:
168
Kudos:
555
Bookmarks:
61
Hits:
3,949

Tweets and Treats

Summary:

There's a new person in charge of King's Landing Bookstore's Twitter feed, and he has a lot to say.

Notes:

This is one of those ideas that's been on my list since last year that I finally got motivation to do. I was inspired by the real life Twitter feed of Henry Sothran Ltd. I used TweetGen to create all of these tweets. The internet provides, y'all. Split into three chapters to make the image load a little easier to bear!

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

April

A tweet from King's Landing Antique Bookshop (username klbookseller) dated April 3, 2021. It says "King's Landing Antique Bookshop is now hiring. We are looking for someone motivated to work, who is comfortable taking on additional duties, including operating our social media. Visit our website to apply." There are 8 retweets, 2 quote tweets, and 70 likes.

 

 

A tweet from klbookseller, dated April 29, 2021. It says "The position has been filled. Thank you to all of our applicants. We look forward to introducing you to our new employee soon." 1 retweet and 26 likes.

 

May

 

A tweet from klbookseller dated May 2, 2021. It says "Hey there cats and kittens! I'm your new KLAB social media manager, Jaime! Really excited to be working at this store, been coming here since I was a wee lad. Come on in and see me sometime, and I'll hook you up with some of my favorite books." 2 reweets, 1 quote tweet, 62 likes.

 

 

A tweet from klbookseller dated May 2, three hours later. Instead of the default twitter profile image of a gray shapeless human, there is now a picture of a bookstore with a sign that says 'EAT SLEEP READ LOCAL'. The tweet says "New profile pic. Finally joining the 21st century!" 3 retweets and 34 likes.

 

 

A tweet from klbookseller dated May 3, 11:24am. It says "This weekend: tarts and farts!" 9 retweets, 6 quote tweets, 85 likes.

Two reply tweets from klbookseller, both dated May 3. The first one says "*arts" and has 1 reply and 41 likes. The second says "There might also be farts. Depends on your gastrointestinal tolerance for tarts, I suppose." 3 replies, 2 retwets, 92 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 6 at 9:41am. It says "There were, in fact, farts. I have informed the owner that we shall no longer be serving tarts on rainy days." 12 retweets, 8 quote tweets, 104 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 6 at 9:55am. It says "To the artists who presented their work this weekend: thank you! We hope the farts didn't drive you away." 4 retweets, 1 quote tweet, 133 likes.

A reply tweet from klbookseller dated May 6 that says, "And to the very tall woman who supplied the tarts: I do not have the sense of humor of an 8 year old. Farts are funny at every age." 6 replies, 2 retweets, 59 likes.

 

 

 

A tweet from klbookseller dated May 10 at 1:31pm. it says "To those who have asked: there will be no tarts, arts, or farts this weekend. There WILL be books and cook...ies. Supplied by our same humor-deficient, talented baker. Who doesn't have any social media, so please check out Evenstar Bakery on King's Way!" 12 retweets, 8 quote tweets, and 120 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 13, 8:59am. It says "Books and Cook...ies was a wild success this weekend! Thanks to those who came out. Especially to the ones who bought books instead of just making fart jokes. Half-points for those who did both." 15 retweets, 9 quote tweets, 128 likes.

A reply tweet from klbookseller dated May 13. It says "Secret note to Tall, Humor-Deficient Baker: I will concede that fart jokes do get old after too many. 3 replies, 5 retweets, 66 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseeler dated May 15 at 11:11am. It says: "Mid-week inventory title dump:" Then there is a list of four titles: "How To Kill A Bear Without Even Trying; Oaths and the Knights Who Keep Them; Bear and the Maiden Fair (racy!); Pennytree Lane." It ends with "Which ones are you coming by to check out?" 13 retweets, 25 quote tweets, 131 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 17 at 11:11am. It says "Another weekend, another fun event here at KLAB! Our favorite, Tall, Humor-Deficient Baker is in the house for our Cakes and Baking sale! She sells cakes, we sell books about baking. Everyone goes home happy. Especially me." 31 retweets, 27 quote tweets, 197 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 20, 3:31pm. It says "The crowd this weekend was huge! Apparently word is getting out about our weekend specials. Thanks to everyone who has tweeted or retweeted about our little bookshop. My boss is very happy with the increased attention. :big smile emoji:" 23 retweets, 19 quote tweets, 251 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 21 at 12:02pm. it says "It's Tuesday and dead in the store. AMA, I'll reply to this thread with answers." 26 retweets, 48 quote tweets, 309 likes.

A series of reply tweets from klbooksellers, all dated May 21. First reply says "My favorite book is The True Story of Goldenhand the Just." 16 replies, 23 retweets, 177 likes. Second reply says "I do actually like tarts. Cherry ones." 3 reples, 1 retweet, 107 likes. Third reply says "Before this I worked for my father's business. It was soul-sucking, that's why I'm here." 11 replies, 4 retweets, 185 likes. Fourth reply says "I'm single. And not looking." 55 replies, 21 retweets, 271 likes. Fifth reply says "I keep trying to get Tall Baker to start a Twitter account but I can't seem to convince her!" 4 replies, 1 retweet, 146 likes. Sixth reply says "I did read Bear and the Maiden Fair. :eyes emoji:" 43 replies, 12 retweets, 164 likes. Seventh reply says "Tall Baker has proven she has a sense of humor. But she's still a baker. And very tall. So she gets to keep that." 8 replies, 7 retweets, 68 likes. Eighth reply says "My favorite part of Bear and the Maiden Fair was **censored**" 32 replies, 19 retweets, 209 likes

Another series of tweet replies by klbookseller on May 21. First reply here says "I'm really not looking." 74 replies, 18 retweets, 303 likes. Second reply says "Se's taller than me, and I'm pretty tall." 15 replies, 20 retweets, 138 likes. Third reply says "My least favorite book is The Blue Knight: Warrior or Woman? Mostly because the premise is f*cking stupid. A woman can be a warrior! It's insulting to suggest otherwise." 193 replies, 426 retweets, 1.1k likes. Fourth reply says "I do have a brother. He's also not looking." 29 replies, 12 retweets, 264 likes. Fifth reply says "That's not interest, that's dislike. I have deduced that Tall Baker was born to do two things: 1. scowl at me and 2. make really delicious baked goods." 41 replies, 67 retweets, 442 likes. Sixth reply says "Customers are here! Time to go! Thanks for the questions!" 87 replies, 28 retweets, 325 likes

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 24 at 10:18am. It says "This weekend we're doing Brownies and Downies. We supply Westeros' best depressing literature, Evenstar Bakery supplies the fortifying chocolate brownies to get us through it. Last one to cry wins a prize." 76 retweets, 31 quote tweets, and 246 likes.

A reply tweet from klbookseller dated May 24. It says "The prize is more brownies." 9 replies, 13 retweets, 111 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 27 at 8:44am. It says "We're going to have to get a bigger bookshop! :eyes emoji: Thank you to everyone who patiently waited in the long lines. Extra thanks to those who brought boxes of tissues. We have a lot left over, in case anyone is suffering from allergies or a broken heart. We're out of brownies though." 141 retweets, 88 quote tweets, 391 likes.

Two reply tweets from klbookseller both dated May 27. First reply says "Tall Baker brought me cherry tarts. Are you reading our Twitter feed, Tall Baker? You can DM me, I won't tell." 37 replies, 109 retweets, 456 likes. Second reply says "Please stop DM'ing me pretending to be Tall Baker." 23 replies, 14 retweets, 164 likes.

Chapter 2

Summary:

Jaime is very loud on Twitter.

Notes:

Thanks for all the lovely comments! I'm delighted people are enjoying this. 😊 I meant to say that the KLAB profile pic is from Orcas Island's local bookstore!

Chapter Text

May (cont.)

Tweet from klbookseller dated May 31 at 1:09pm. It says "This weekend is a special one: Bread and the Undead! We'll be gorging on fresh bread from Evenstar Bakery while we scare ourselves silly with stories of creatures that gorge on human flesh! Bring your favorite stuffy and a blanket and an empty stomach!" 199 retweets, 106 quote tweets, 613 likes.

 

June

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated Jun 3 at 8:25am. It says "This weekend's event was a bit of a disaster. We didn't expect the high turnout, and once the news crews showed up, it all went downhill and we had to close early on Sunday. (1/2)" 172 retweets, 98 quote tweets, 435 likes.

Two reply tweets from klbookseller both dated June 3. The first says "We're going to take a break from events this coming weekend while we figure out how to handle the crowds. Connecting people to books is our number 2 priority after safety! (2/2)". It has 108 replies, 65 retweets and 381 likes. The second reply says "The weekend wasn't a total wash: I discovered that Tall Baker has a great laugh." 172 replies, 109 retweets, 569 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated June 5 at 10:49am. It says "Mid-week inventory title share:" and ten there is a hyphenated list of titles. They are "Florian & Jonquil; The Hedge Knight's Lady Our Hearts Are Blue and Gold; and Love In The Land of Always Winter." Then it says "Are you ever in the mood to just read a certain type of book? What are you drawn to right now?" There are 122 retweets, 310 quote tweets, and 871 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated June 9 at 4:02pm. It says "It's been quiet here this weekend without our events, but the owner and I have figured out how to continue to hold them so they are safe AND fun. More to come." 81 retweets, 25 quote tweets, 372 likes.

Two reply tweets from klbookseller, both dated June 9. First says "PS - Everyone please stop bringing me cherry tarts. I appreciate the sentiment, but no one person can eat this many." 44 replies, 70 retweets, 193 likes. Second reply says "And I really prefer Tall Baker's anyway." 139 replies, 78 retweets, 303 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated Jun 12 at 8:49am. It says "Event weekend is BACK and better than ever! This weekend is Pies and Sighs. That's right, our lovely friend Tall Baker is supplying Westeros' most delicious pies, and we're going all in on romance! (1/2)". 204 retweets, 163 quote tweets, 775 likes.

Four reply tweets from klbookseller, all dated June 12. First reply says "The event is still free to attend, HOWEVER, you must have a ticket to be let in, and we will be capping attendance each day! Register today at https://www.klbooks.com! (2/2)" 58 replies, 109 retweets, 451 likes. Second reply says "WE ALREADY SOLD OUT?" 117 replies, 39 retweets, 400 likes. Third reply says "Seriously you guys. How did we sell out so quickly? It's because of Tall Baker, isnt it? I don't blame you. Tall Baker is the best." 64 replies, 161 retwets, 612 likes. Fourt reply says "Baker. She's the best baker and so is her food. Visit Evenstar Bakery to find out for yourself!" 178 replies, 83 retweets, 684 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated Jun 13 at 9:04am. It says "By popular demand, we're doing Pies and Sighs TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW. Register for next weekend at https://www.klboooks.com!" 322 retweets, 210 quote tweets, 801 likes.

Two reply tweets from klbookseller both dated June 13. First one says "Two weekends of Tall Baker in the bookshop. Maybe before this is over I will tell her what I keep meaning to." 199 replies, 78 retweets, 689 likes. Second reply says "I keep meaning to tell her some book recommendations. I just keep forgetting." 246 replies, 99 retweets, 711 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated Jun 16 at 8:57am. It says "This weekend was amazing! Thank you to everyone who attended; it was great to meet so many of our Twitter followers! Special thanks to Tall Baker, who promised she's coming back with more pies and even bluer eyes next week." 301 retweets, 172 quote tweets, 1.1k likes.

Two reply tweets from klbookseller both dated June 16. First reply says "Obviously that last part is a lie because her eyes couldn't be any bluer." 180 replies, 202 retweets, 731 likes. Second reply says "And since people have asked: I gave Tall Baker my recs and she had already read and liked all of them! Literary soulmates. :laughing emoji: I'm coming back wit another round next weekend." 349 replies, 164 retweets, 927 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated June 18 at 2:44pm. It says "Don't forget our second Pies and Sighs event is this weekend! It's already been sold out, but maybe you could bribe a ticket out of a friend. What's a guaranteed bribe that always works on you?" 399 retweets, 202 quote tweets, 1.1k likes.

Two reply tweets from klbookseller, both dated June 18. First says "I am unbribeable, of course." 389 replies, 102 retweets, 623 likes. Second says "(I kid. it's obviously Tall Baker's cherry tarts.)" 426 replies, 189 retweets, 1.3k likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated Jun 22 at 5:37pm. It says "Thanks for attending our second Pies and Sighs weekend event." 129 retweets, 76 quote tweets, 1.4k likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated June 23 at 12:15pm. It says "Appreciate the concern but everything's fine." 280 retweets, 101 quote tweets, 1.2k likes.

A single reply tweet from klbookseller dated Jun23. There is no text, just a still image of a young man lying face down on the beige carpet of a home, his backpack strewn at his feet. The image evokes despair. There are 971 replies, 304 retweets, and 1.3k likes.

Chapter 3

Summary:

klbookseller continues to live his whole life on main.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

June (cont.)

Tweet from klbookseller dated Jun 24 at 3:37pm. It says "Mid-week inventory title dump:" followed by a hyphenated list. The titles are: "Oathbreaker; Hope And Other Lies; Final Betrayal; Overcoming Heartbreak: How To Wake Up and Seize The Day!" 671 retweets, 490 quote tweets, 1.7k likes

A reply tweet from klbookseller dated Jun 24. It says "Don't bother with the last one, it doesn't work. Sorry, J. Snow, we won't be recommending this book here." 352 replies, 149 retweets, 801 likes

 

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated June 26, 4:10pm. It says "No events this weekend." 89 retweets, 76 quote tweets, 704 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated June 29 at 10:57am. it says "Hope everyone had a nice weekend." 43 retweets, 128 quote tweets, 509 likes.

A series of reply tweets all from klbookseller dated June 29. First says "Since many of you asked how I spent mine: I was alone. Just like always." 239 replies, 117 retweets, 864 likes. Second says "I don't want to talk about it." 310 replies, 84 retweets, 646 likes. Third says "It's just sometimes you think you know how someone feels and then you find out you were an idiot." 607 replies, 518 retweets, 2.2k likes.

 

July

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated July 3 at 8:01am. It says "All cherry tarts brought to the store will be immediately redistributed elsewhere. No matter who made them." 81 retweets, 39 quote tweets, 617 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated July 6, 4:49pm. It says "No event again this weekend." 129 retweets, 98 quote tweets, 774 likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated July 9 at 11:12am. It says "The owner has suggested that our social media might be too "alienating" these days and we need more engagement. So here's a question: what's the best book to read to distract yourself from everything?" 229 retweets, 465 quote tweets, 1.8k likes

Reply tweet from klbookseller dated July 9. It says "You're all very kind. Good thing we had all these extra boxes of tissues lying around still." 336 replies, 181 retweets, 1k likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated July 10 at 12:57pm. It says "Events are back. Our event this weekend is Eclairs, Bears, and Other Disasters. Come find the new favorite disaster novel of your heart." 450 retweets, 321 quote tweets, 1.6k likes

Two reply tweets from klbookseller both dated July 10. First says "Yes, Evenstar Bakery will be providing the eclairs." 402 replies, 199 retweets, 1.4k likes. Second says "Yes, Tall Baker will be there. Apparently she's made time in her busy dating schedule to join us." 924 replies, 744 retweets, 1.1k likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated July 13 at 9:19am. It says "this account will b silent 4 a while bc i hurt my hand in a fight" . 506 retweets, 488 quote tweets, 2.4k likes.

Single reply tweet from klbookseller dated July 13. It says "he deserved it" . 1.1k replies, 805 retweets, 2.9k likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated July 16 at 11:59am. It says "Hand is feeling better, but there has been emotional fallout, so: time for a round of Am I the Asshole? Twitter version. (1/x)" 727 retweets, 913 quote tweets, 4.6k likes.

A series of reply tweets from klbookseller, all dated July 16. First says "I (29M) met someone-let's call her TB (23W)-through work, who I am very interested in. For a while I thought she disliked me. At first I thought I disliked her, too. (2/x)" 481 replies, 208 retweets, 2.2k likes. Second says "But I eventually realized that whenever I was near her, it was like fireworks and your favorite book and the most sinfully tempting pastry all at once. (3/x)" 834 replies, 763 retweets, 3.4k likes. Third: "We grew closer throgh work events (both at them and arranging them through emails), but I didn't say anything to her because I still wasn't sure if she liked me and I didn't want to look like a fool. My family doesn't suffer fools. (4/x)” 428 replies, 333 retweets, 1.9k likes. Fourth: “Then a few weeks ago, we had a moment of real connection, and I thought she actually did return my feelings. I decided to finally take a chance at the next event and say something. (5/x)” 886 replies, 321 retweets, 2.9k likes. Fifth: “But when we were talking about fugure event plans as I was leading up to it, she said she was busy the following weekend because she had a date. With someone else. (6/x)” 1k replies, 512 retweets, 1.6k likes. Sixth: “I felt awful. Like I missed my chance at happiness. You may have noticed. Then last weekend, she shows up at our event and so does her new boyfriend, who I introduced myself to to make sure he was a decent guy. (7/x)” 771 replies, 224 retweets, 1.2k likes. Seventh: “I found out the exact opposite. He said some REALLY awful shit about her to me privately. I may or may not have let him know my feelings about it with my fists. For legal purposes, I cannot say more than that. (8/x)” 2.3k replies, 1.3k retweets, 5.1k likes. Eighth: “Regardless, when she found out, she got mad and said that I should have told her and let her deal with it herself instead of stepping in. That I was an asshole for acting like a “jealous caveman protecting is property. (9/x)” 1.8k replies, 699 retweets, 3.5k likes.

Another series of reply tweets from klbookseller, still dated July 16. First: “But that is NOT why I did (or did not) do it. I was furious that anyone would say something like that about her, let alone her own date. He's not even good enough to lick the ground she walks on. (10/x)” 899 replies, 723 retweets, 3.4 likes. Second: “And the weekend before this guy asked her out, she had told me that no one had defended her before and I wanted to do that for her. She deserves someone being on her side. (11/x)” 1.8k replies, 913 retweets, 6.7k likes. Third reply: “But I didn't exactly tell her any of that, and she ultimately left the store in tears and won't respond to my emails. So what do you think Twitter: AITA? (12/12)” 5.2k replies, 2k retweets, 7.6k likes. Fourth: “I don't remember precisely what I did tell her. My adrenaline was spiking and I might have lashed out. I'm pretty sure I called her 'stubborn.' But I call her that all the time!” 2.9k replies, 923 retweets, 4.2k likes. Fifth and finaly reply: “It's also possible I might have gotten mad at her for saying yes to this guy in the first place, though. I'm not proud of that.” 7.1k replies, 1k retweets, 8.3k likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated July 17 at 9:31am. It says "Thanks for your brutal honesty and support, Twitter. Never been a meme before. I don't regret defending her but you're right regading the fight: ITA. Now to see if she agrees with your suggested course of action. Wish me luck." 1.8k retweets, 2.5k quote tweets, 7.3k likes.

 

 

 

Tweet from klbookseller dated July 20 at 9:31am. It says "HAPPY MONDAY MORNING, TWITTER. How was your weekend? Anything super romantic and exciting and the best thing ever happen to you, or was that just me? :heart face emoji: :heart eyes emoji: :heart emoji: :fire emoji:" 4.2k retweets, 3.1k quote tweets, 13k likes.

A series of reply tweets all dated July 20. The first four are from klbookseller. First says: "Tall Baker brought me cherry tarts this morning." 2.1k replies, 1.9k retweets, 14.1k likes. Second says "In bed. :eyes emoji:" 3k replies, 874 retweets, 12.7k likes. Third says "(She forgave me. And more.)" 2.4k replies, 789 retweets, 10.8k likes. Fourth says: "@evenstarbakery" 1.9k replies, 690 retweets, 7.8k likes. The next tweet is from evenstarbakery, who has a profile picture of the inside of a small, well-stocked bakery. The tweet says: “@klbookseller Jaime, is this really why you made me set up a Twitter account? I thought we were going to use it to co-promote the Tortes and Twosomes event this weekend?” 8.3k replies, 4.6k retweets, 21.3k likes. Next tweet is from klbookseller and is simply an image of a cute littler girl with short black hair caught mid-shrug with the text 'WHY NOT BOTH?' across the bottom. 2.8k replies, 1.2k retweets, 15.7k likes. Next two tweets are from evenstarbakery First says: “:eye rolling emoji: I see I'm going to have to step up my Twitter game.” 1.4k replies, 1.1k retweets, 9.2k likes. Second says “I also feel like I should set the record straight. That guy wasn't my boyfriend. It was our second date.” 10k replies, 8.2k retweets, 21.2k likes.

A last series of reply tweets all dated July 20. klbookseller: "Hah! I KNEW you were secretly reading my Twitter feed all this time! But why did you bring him to a work event for a second date?" 4.4k replies, 2.3k retweets, 15.1k likes. evenstarbakery: "I don't know. I guess I wanted to see how he compared to you." 5.1k replies, 2.2k retweets, 13k likes. klbookseller: "And? What was the verdict?" 1.6k replies, 921 retweets, 8.3k likes. Evenstarbakery's reponse is an image of a cute cartoon chocolate chip muffin with the text 'MUFFIN COMPARES TO YOU!' arcing over it. 12K replies, 10.1k retweets, 26.7k likes. Klbookseller: “:lauging emoji: :heat emoji: Is this what I have to look forward to? Constant baking puns?” 7.1k replies, 6.7k retweets, 20k likes. Evenstarbakery: “I guess so, since” and then there is an image of a very cheerful cartoon cake (yellow with chocolate frosting and a single candle in the middle) surrounded by the words YOU CAKE ME SO HAPPY. 8.9k replies, 4.9k retweets, 25.1k likes. Klbookseller: “I told you all she was the best.” 7.6k replies, 3.3k retweets, 19.6k likes. Klbookseller has the last tweet: “even if she still doesn't properly appreciate fart jokes.” 6.1k replies, 2.8k retweets, 12.5k likes.

Notes:

Thanks again for reading this! It was a lot fun to write, but a surprising amount of work to post. 😂 Thanks to forbiddenfantasies for listening to me whine about it. Evenstar Bakery's profile photo is from an article on best bakeries in Los Angeles that I found via random Google search. I haven't decided what I'm going to do with them yet, if anything, but I did set up actual Twitter accounts for klbookseller and evenstarbakery in case.

Series this work belongs to: