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I thought that the first year, after dying, would be the hardest. I never expected it to be the easiest.
~
Touya 'woke up' unable to feel any part of his body, unable to touch anything and as far as he could tell nobody could see or hear him at all.
He could scream at someone's face, and they wouldn't bat an eye. It was like he wasn't even there... but he was, wasn't he? He could see himself, but he was different.
Touya remembered dying. He didn’t remember the pain of it all but he remembered the fear. He remembered knowing that it was the end but when he opened his eyes he thought that it meant he’d survived. As impossible as it felt.
Well, perhaps waking up in his own bed, in no pain at all should have been an indication that he was, in fact, not fine. Or maybe it was when he looked in the mirror and saw himself... or rather a sort of outline of himself.
He was looking at himself in the mirror, but he could also see through himself. It was startling at first, and more so when he could barely touch himself. He was wearing clothes but not the ones that he died in.
Rather, he was wearing loose sweatpants and a flowy white shirt that had a slit down the back… it was the kind of thing he would wear in the hospital. And he was older, still scrawny and way too thin for his own health (ha!) but his face was definitely older.
It was only when he tried to open the door, and his hand slipped right through the metal that he understood.
He was dead.
But he was a ghost.
And possibly worse than anything else, he’d been in a coma for three years and then died. He’d held out for so long and died suddenly with no warning at all.
Touya stepped through the door, his body (if he could even call it a body-spirit perhaps) phased right through it.
The first person he saw (quite unexpected) was his youngest brother, Shoto, sitting by his door, crying well, more so sobbing with his head in his hands.
It was then, he wondered, just how long ago he died.
Was his reconfiguration in a ghost instant? Or had it taken a while?
He watched Shoto cry, wondering when the last time he'd seen they young boy was. Their father seldom let them interact. Gods, Shoto was only eight years old. And he actually looked like he missed him. That, too, seemed impossible. The idea that his baby brother who barely ever got the chance to talk to him, would miss him, was mourning his death.
If Touya could feel anything at all, perhaps his chest would feel warm.
Instead there was an odd phantom ache in what might have been his chest if he were alive. Touya remembered that familiar feeling each time he saw one of his siblings cry. He’d always wanted to try and protect them from everything. He always wanted to make them happy.
The ache got worse when he watched his father set up a shrine for him- a picture of Touya with his white hair, void of any burns not exactly looking happy but not tormented by pain.
Touya didn't have any burns in this form. He supposed there was no skin to be damaged.
The realization was bittersweet.
Touya spent the first year trying to get the attention of anyone in his family, and then he tried to get the attention of anyone on the street. He’d stand right in front of them, yell, scream. Sometimes he’d whisper in their ear or even walk right through them.
But no matter what he did, there was no response. No indication that he was there… at all. And there were no other ghosts either- all he could see was himself.
Maybe it was a punishment, but Touya never thought he did anything particularly bad- well, perhaps he knocked Natsuo over a few time but surely that wasn't worth such isolation. Surely he couldn’t have been so bad in life that this was his punishment in death.
That Touya would speak, but there was no one to listen to him.
At some point he started walking alongside people who were on the phone and pretended that they were having a conversation with him instead. It eased the tense insanity that bubbled up inside of him, each time he went a long while without speaking to anyone.
It worked to entertain himself for a while, but there was always some sense of loss. Like now, surely, he had no purpose. Touya always thought he never had a purpose in life, a kid who failed with his quirk, was so incompatible with it that he died. But now, whatever purpose he might have had was gone now.
Touya was, for sake of a better word, nothing.
~
I thought it would get better- the isolation, the confinement to this… invisible form. But every single day was another reminder that to the entire world, I didn’t exist.
~
It seemed never ending.
The segregation from everything living and every day was the same, until…
Until one day Touya was walking through a park, searching for something... nothing, really Touya just didn't want to be alone. And although he couldn't talk to anyone at the very least, he could be around them.
So, he wandered the grounds, wishing (not for the first time) he could feel the sun, or the air, or perhaps the grass underneath his bare feet again. He could barely remember what it felt like.
As he was walking, his attention was suddenly drawn to a loud yell- the park was relatively empty, only a few handful of people scattered through the grounds so it was easy to find the source of the noise.
A young blonde boy was on the ground, the entire right side of him soaked with mud. When the boy sat up, Touya saw huge red wings sprouting from his back... one of them was brown with the mud and both were drooping.
Intrigued, Touya walked closer, stopping only a few feet from the boy, who he determined to be about the same age as him. He crouched down, watching.
The boy wiped the side of his face with his shirt before hanging his head and then pushing himself up. He looked down at his clothes, frowning and cursing again.
That's when Touya noticed it, the small scars that littered his body. Tiny ones of his face and slightly larger one on his arms. And when the boy lifted his shirt again to wipe off more of the mud, Touya could see scars there too. He wondered just what this kid was doing.
Nothing had caught his attention in a while.
So... he followed him.
Touya didn't know why he was inclined to follow the blonde, he stopped for only a second to think it was creepy before remembering that literally no one cared what he did. And if they did, well, they’d never know about it anyway.
And it wasn’t creepy, he was just curious. He hadn't had a source of genuine entertainment for so long and well, the boy intrigued him.
The boy stood from the ground as if he was used to such unfortunate things happening to him. The blonde was relatively slow as he walked, his wings drooping behind him low but not low enough to drag on the ground. He was muttering incoherent words or maybe he was just grumbling but every so often he would kick at the ground and let out an annoyed breath.
Touya was following him for fifteen minutes when a ringing sound echoed through the air. The boy pulled a phone out of his pocket and flipped it open.
"Hello?" He asked, and Touya's eyes widened. His entire voice changed, from being low and grumbly to a bit higher and more pleasant. It was cute. Endearing almost.
Touya didn’t let any kind of those emotions in, he promptly shoved then in the corner of his mind and shut it out.
"Hi," Touya said, imagining that the blonde was talking to him. He knew it was stupid, but when else was he supposed to talk?
To himself?
No, no, no, that's ridiculous. And sad.
Pathetic even.
"Yeah, I'm on my way back," the blonde said, shoving one hand into his pocket and keeping the other by his ear. "Yes, early. I'm soaked in mud... again."
Touya smiled, and jogged in front of the boy, walking backwards. "Again?" Touya asked, laughing softly, "try to break the habit Blondie, you'll stain all your clothes."
The boy didn't say anything, and Touya wasn't sure what he was expecting. No one ever heard him.
"Don't be an ass, Kyio. Nothing bad ever happens to you." The boy frowned, quickly wiping a bead of muddy water from the side of his face.
"I mean, I'm dead so does that count as bad?" Touya asked, laughing. Death was the easiest thing for Touya to accept... it was the isolation that was the hardest to deal with. Feeling impossible but it wasn’t like there was much else for him to do.
"Stubbing your toe once doesn't count," he snapped, and then, "you know what they're calling me now?"
"Jinx?" Touya tried, laughing and shaking his head.
"Tragic Takami." The boy's face darkened, "It's not funny Kyio! Ugh, I hate you." The boy came to a stop, and Touya stopped with him.
"It's not the worst name," Touya said, "I could think of worse." As usual, he was ignored. Rather, his existence wasn't acknowledged at all. Touya wasn't sure when he'd get used to that. Maybe ten years, a hundred?
"If you're that sorry," the boy said, biting at his lip, "have a warm bath ready for me after I wash off?"
Touya almost laughed when a heavy sensation passes through his ‘body’. It was unliked anything he’d felt before and it was so strong it was the only thing he could think about. Something about it almost felt like… a warning. He searched around, eyes flickering and studying his surrounding and Touya's smile dropped as his eyes caught on a fast-moving object heading straight towards the boy.
And the boy wasn't paying attention.
"Hey!" Touya called, waving a hand in front of his face, he couldn't see what it was... but it was moving fast. Too fast. "HEY!" Touya tried but the boy didn’t flinch
"Thanks, Kyio, I'll be back soon."
"Not if you don't PAY ATTENTION!" Touya yelled, seeing the object now, it was debris? Was there construction going on?
Touya didn't bother to consider where it came from and instead ran at the debris, a large chunk of concrete with a metal rod sticking out of it.
It really was flying straight towards the kid, on trajectory to hit him straight in the back. Touya groaned, wishing he could do something. He couldn’t just let him get hit. When the debris flew past him, Touya shoved his hands forward, praying that he'd make contact with it and push it off course. It was in vain, he knew that, but he had to try something. So, when he threw his hands out, a hail Mary if anything he was surprised when they caught. He didn't exactly feel the object, but his hands made contact, energy almost pushing through it.
In an instant the debris was pushed away and crashed into a nearby building. Touya froze, looking at his hands. He'd never touched something like that before. He’d never touched anything before. What the hell happened? He looked at the boy who was staring at the wall, now cracked and crumbling. His golden eyes were blown wide, clearly startled.
And then the blonde turned back staring right at Touya.
~
If someone could hear me, one last time… what would I say?
~
Touya took a step forward, his eyes wide. "You can see me?" He asked but the blonde was unresponsive. It was then he noticed that the boy wasn't looking at him but through him.
Touya turned around seconds before a man ran through his phantom form. The energy buzzed through him uncomfortably, turning him to a broken-up mist before he returned to his normal 'form'.
"Oh my gods, are you alright?" The man asked, rushing up to the boy and bending down in front of him. Touya looked at him carefully, that heavy feeling in his body returning.
Something wasn’t right.
"Uh," the boy looked between the wall and the crumbled debris. "I think so," he said, but he was clearly shaken up.
"You didn't get hit at all?" The man asked, Touya walked up to them, crossing his arms over his chest.
"No thanks to you." Touya grumbled, noticing the vest on the man, cluing him in that he was one of the construction workers. But then, he hadn’t really seen any construction going on.
"N-no, I'm fine." The boy said.
"Because of me," Touya said, "I saved you." But, of course, there was no answer.
"One of our machines malfunctioned, I'm so glad you weren't hurt. What's your name kid?" The worked asked and the blonde shifted uncomfortably.
"I don't think he likes you," Touya said with a small laugh but he wasn’t feeling entirely humorous, that heaviness just wouldn’t go away.
"It's uh, Katsuo." Touya leaned forward, his face inches from the boys and studied him.
"Are you sure it's Katsuo?" Touya asked, frowning. He sighed, "you don't look it." He said.
"You're a hundred percent sure you're alright?" the worker asked and the boy, Katsuo (maybe) nodded.
"Yeah, I should get home now, though." He said, turning but the worked reached out a hand and grabbed his shoulder.
Touya’s eyes flared. The heaviness was worse than before- this man, whoever he was, was bad news.
"Why don't you come back to the site, and we can have a medic see you." Touya narrowed his eyes, that heaviness switching to an edge. Get him out. His mind almost called to him, warning him. Something about this wasn't right. What kind of malfunctioning machinery makes debris fly across the air? No, Touya needed to do something again… but what?
"Oh, no that's alright," Katsuo said, trying to take a step back but the man's grip was firm.
"Come on, kid, don't make me look back. Just come back with me and we'll check you out."
Katsuo narrowed his eyes, "you mean the medic?" The man frowned, lips almost lifting in a snarl.
"Don't be a little shit and come with me." He growled, grabbing onto the boy's arms. Katsuo pulled away, yanking his arm back but the man was strong. Touya reached forward, grabbing at the man’s arm but his hand went right through his skin.
He still couldn’t touch him.
"Let go of me!" The boy gasped. The man started to drag him forward but Touya stepped in between them. He wasn't sure if he could do anything at all but he had to try. If he couldn’t touch his skin then maybe… maybe it had to be something material.
He settled his hands above the man's chest and as the boy yanked again, Touya pushed forward. Again, his hands found contact with the man's shirt, and he was pushed back, stumbling until he fell. The boy stared for only a second, stunned and then took off running. He ran no more than a hundred feet before his wings spread and lifted himself into the air.
Touya watched, as he hovered, not flying away but staring at the scene behind him. He shuddered and then flew up farther, until he settled on the top of a building, hiding on the roof. The man yelled and cursed at him, but the boy spared him no glance. Neither did Touya.
Touya floated, finding the quickest way to the top and then immediately searched the boy.
He knew the blonde couldn't see him, or hear him, but that didn't stop him from following. He had a feeling that the weight in his (not) body wouldn’t go away until he knew the blonde was safe.
Touya found him, curled up in the corned, his knees pulled to his chest and his head resting on top of them. His shoulder shook and shuddered and Touya could hear faint sniffling. It wasn't long before the boy lifted his head and wiped at his face. Touya sat down in front of him.
"I don't think your name is Katsuo." He said, crossing on leg over the other and resting his elbows on his knees, then his head in hands. The boy ran a hand through his hair, taking in several, short breaths. He shuddered again before letting out a very slow and controlled breath.
"I'm fine," he whispered to himself, wiping his palms across his cheeks.
"Does stuff like that happen to you all the time?" Touya asked, sighing when he wasn't given an answer. He didn't think he'd ever get used to the isolation. The boy pulled out his phone, dialed two numbers before shaking his head and then closing it.
"As if anyone needs more reason to stay away from me," he huffed and then stood.
"I don't want to stay away from you," Touya said with a smile, "but I mean, I'm already dead so what's the worst that could happen?" Touya followed his as he walked down the fire escape and then kept walking, in between city buildings, until he came to a very tall, dark one.
The Hero Commission Headquarters.
"You live here?" Touya asked and the boy pushed open the front door, heading straight towards the back. Touya followed. He had nothing better to do.
It was a short walk before he came to another door that, when he opened, led into a large living are with couches filled with kids, some younger and some older than himself, couldn’t have been by more than a year though.
One boy, seeing the blonde walk in, rushed to him. "Keigo!" He called, smiling. His hair was dark, eyes a gentle green.
"Hey, Kyio" the blonde said solemnly.
"Ah, so that’s your name." Touya said, giddy though he was unsure why he cared. It was too late to say he wasn’t invested.
"You took a while." Kyio said- his veins were a dark red, with small highlights of orange. They looked almost molten. Lava quirk?
"I almost died." Keigo said, nonchalant as if it happened all the time.
"Again?"
Maybe it did happen all the time.
"Mhm," Keigo said, walking again towards the back. Kyio followed and Touya did as well. "And then someone tried to kidnap me."
Kyio stopped walking and started at Keigo,"Kei, seriously?"
The blonde turned; his face dead serious when he nodded.
"My gods," Kyio said, shaking his head. "Maybe you should just... stay inside." Keigo started walking again, pushing open another door. Touya followed him inside, finding it a small room with a single bed, a single desk and one bookshelf. Keigo peeled off his dark shirt and tossed it aside.
"Maybe," Keigo said with a shrug, "as if that's stopped my rotten luck." Kyio leaned in the doorway and Touya took up residence on the bed.
"Rotten luck huh? Like burning alive?" Touya laughed. “Get it? Cause that’s basically how I died.” He laughed again and then stopped at the boy, Kyio, spoke.
"You did get trapped in that kitchen fire once," Kyio said, scratching the back of his head. Keigo glared at him.
Fuck.
"Thanks for the reminder."
"No shit," Touya gasped, "You actually were almost burned alive?"
Kyio sighed softly, "sorry, hey, I'll have that bath ready for when you get rid of all that mud. Go shower." Keigo smiled softly and Touya stood up, walking (floating, whatever) over to him.
"Keigo's a pretty name." he said.
"You're the best," Keigo and Touya smiled.
"I know." Touya said despite that fact that not a single one of them had spoken to him. They didn't even know he was there.
"Thanks, Kyio." Keigo said, undoing the zipper of his pants before tugging them down and walking to another door in his boxers.
"I'll drop by later with dinner too." Kyio called and Keigo called back a thanks. Touya had enough respect not to follow him into the bathroom, so, he sat back down on the bed and waited for the blonde to come back out.
~
Any feelings I have towards anyone now, will always be one-sided. I cannot bear to see my family anymore… watching them move on while I can’t it too much to handle. But seeing this kid now, with luck almost as bad as mine… how can I just let it happen?
If I have the power to keep him safe…, shouldn’t I?
~
"You're taking forever!" Touya called, seconds from banging his fist against the bathroom door before remembering that he could actually touch things now. Inches before his fist connected with the wood he stopped and set his palm against it. Still, he couldn't exactly, feel it but the energy of his form buzzed against it. He sighed without any breath at all and pulled his hand back.
That was another thing he'd never get used to, the inability to feel things the way he used to. And not being heard. Being treated as if he wasn't there because well, to everyone else, he wasn’t there.
Somedays he couldn’t stand it.
Touya stood from the bed he was sitting on.
Keigo was taking a long time in the bathroom and Touya had already gone through everything that intrigued him. Maybe it was a bit invasive, but hey, he was literally dead. Nothing he did mattered to anyone. And he liked being able to touch material things now… he couldn’t help himself. Really, he couldn’t.
Touya left the room, phasing through the door and searching for the other people he'd come across earlier.
All of them were still there, hanging around, talking to each other. Then he spotted the kid, Kyio, sitting in a chair by himself, talking to a few people, standing around him. Intrigued, Touya walked up to them.
"-no, look, I don't know. He didn't tell me the details." The boy, Kyio said. Touya noticed a book in his lap, a finger in the middle of it, clearly holding his place.
"Come on, you're the closest to him, he had to tell you something." A girl with fiery red hair said. Her eyes were glowing and Touya was almost certain it had to do with her quirk. A fire type maybe... like his? Or, like the one he used to have.
Remorse burned through him.
"Back off Ayaka, you're the last person I'd tell." Kyio snapped, opening his book back up again.
"oh, don't be like that." the girl, Ayaka, said. "It's entertaining, is all."
Kyio slammed the book closed and stood up. He poked a finger in her chest, pushing back. "His life isn't your fucking entertainment."
The girl smiled and smacked his hand away. "So it was life-threatening this time? It’s fitting them, Tragic Takami!" She laughed, almost cackling and Touya narrowed his eyes. Oh… what he wanted to do.
"Stop tormenting him or I'll make you." Kyio growled, "He's had enough of your shit."
Kyio pushed past her but the girl grabbed onto his shoulder, "he's not like us, Kyio." She said,
"he's a freak."
“You’re the freak," Kyio growled, yanking himself out of her grasp. “Fuck off,” Touya decided he liked him, even though he had no loyalties to Keigo, there was something about him that he felt... protective of. Maybe it was because he'd had shit luck in life too, but he liked being around the blonde.
And then, of course, there was that heaviness that was there every time he went too far away from the blonde.
Even if he couldn't be heard or seen, he wanted to protect him. And maybe Kyio was for Keigo in life what Touya would be for him in death. Kyio would protect him from the things he had control over... the people, the nastiness, the taunting and teasing and Touya would protect him from everything else.
He followed Kyio to the kitchen, as he left the room full of people, accidentally tripping the girl, Ayaka, on his way out.
"So you care about him huh?" Touya asked, leaning against the doorway, the energy resonating with the energy of the wood in the door frame. He wondered what triggered the change in his ability to touch things. Perhaps it wasn’t that difficult to figure out.
Keigo.
He liked being able to touch things now, even if he didn't know why it changed for certain (though he’d say his guess was pretty spot on). Even if he couldn't feel it directly, it was better than the first year and a half of his death. Touya watched as Kyio got food from a fridge and started piling it onto a plate.
Chicken, vegetables and a large chunk of bread.
"You don't mind if I stay a while, right?" Touya asked, laughing. He shook his head, "I supposed you'd have no idea but I appreciate your compliance." He sighed, and then followed Kyio out as he walked back towards the room Keigo was in. Keigo’s room, probably.
Kyio knocked on the door but Touya didn't wait for an answer. He phased inside, finding Keigo, sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. He worse pajamas, a large t-shirt and shorts that showed of the muscle in his legs. But Touya frowned as he watched his shoulders shake. He sat down, crossing his legs over each other on the bed.
"I know you don't know me," Touya said, watching as Keigo lifted his head at the sound of the knocking. "But I'll keep you safe." The weight in his chest lifted.
Keigo wiped at his eyes, "come in!" he called.
"Hey," Kyio said, holding out a plate of food. "Dinner." He handed the plate to Keigo and then took a step back. "You wanna talk about it?"
Keigo shook his head, “not particularly." he said.
"I wouldn't either." Touya said, leaning back against the frame of the bed. “But… at the very least I wish I had the option.”
"You're sure?" Kyio asked and Keigo nodded. As Kyio turned to leave, Keigo's head snapped up.
"Hey, Kyio?"
"Yeah?" The boy turned, his dark hair falling in front of his eyes.
"Do you think I'm cursed?" Keigo asked and Touya looked at him, studying his face. He'd thought it might have been a joke if he didn't look so serious.
"Come on, Kei," Kyio said softly, "if you were cursed you wouldn’t have me." He smiled and Touya could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, but Keigo only chewed on his lip. Things like that… Touya understood what it meant to feel like he was cursed.
"Sometimes it feels like nothing ever goes right in my life." Keigo said, stabbing at the chicken on his plate. He brought it to his mouth and ripped it off, chewing aggressively.
Again, Touya found himself finding it annoying adorable.
There were no places for feelings like that.
"Hey," Kyio said, "that just means you'll have tons of good luck later on!" He said excitedly.
Keigo smiled softly, "maybe," he whispered and then shook his head, "thanks for the food."
"Be safe, Keigo," Kyio said before leaving. He waved and then disappeared out of the door.
"I guess that means it's just us now," Touya said, turning onto his stomach. "Wanna play a game?" He asked, but, of course, the room was filled with silence.
Touya sighed, lowered his head and got up from the bed. "I hope you don't mind me staying here." Touya said, looking at the small figures lining his desk. He stopped and peered at one of his father. Memories rushed through him and he thought if he could cry, he might.
"I had bad luck too," Touya said, "mine got the best of me." he said, laughing softly and wishing that he could cry. He'd thought he'd like the feeling.
Rather, he'd like feeling something. Some kind of physical emotion.
He heard sniffling coming from the bed again and saw a glimpse of wetness fall down his cheek. Keigo brushed it away.
"Gods I'm pathetic." He whispered to himself. Touya shook his head. "
I don't think so," he sighed. "I mean, you almost died... twice. Only the gods know how many other times." Touya jumped up on the desk, accidentally knocking over a pile of paper. Keigo looked up, cursing softly. He got out of the bed, walked over to the window and closed it.
"My bad," Touya said, and then, watching as the blonde picked up the papers, setting them back on the desk. "I wish you could hear me." He said, sighing softly. "Or see me."
Keigo climbed back onto the bed and laid down. His wings wrapped around his body, and Touya watched as he closed his eyes.
"I won't stay while you sleep," he said, waiting until the boys breathing had evened out. He was sure there was an empty room he could find to stay in, hopefully nearby. Touya gazed at Keigo carefully, sighing without any breath. Was he really capable of protecting him? Keeping him alive? He would have to try. Touya grazed his fingers over Keigo’s forehead, frowning as they dipped into his skin. "I'll be back tomorrow... to make sure you're still alive."
~
I don’t know what any of this means, but a sense of purpose has filled whatever is left of me. I don’t know what you have to do with it and I don’t know why I found you… but Keigo, I won’t let you get hurt anymore. I’m not sure what I can do, or what I’m capable of, but leaving you alone feels impossible and I’ve got no where else to go.
So I really hope you don’t mind being haunted, because I’m not going anywhere.