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The loneliness isn’t the worst part. It’s watching the world move on without you that hurts the most.
Touya watched his sister and brothers kneel in front of his shrine, hands pressed together, heads bowed and tears streaming from their eyes. The picture on the small table was what he remembered himself looking like.
Thirteen- bright and young and… alive.
That Touya was so much more different than the Touya he was now. For one, he was dead. But that wasn’t the hardest pill to swallow. No one could see him, no one could hear him and he’d only recently gained the ability to touch material objects.
He would be around eighteen now, he’d been dead for a year and a half. He still looked sixteen and he still wore what he died in. That gods forsaken white hospital shirt with the slit in the back and the loose sweatpants. His feet were bare, but that didn’t matter because he couldn’t feel anything around him.
Well, he could feel it but not in the way that he was able to when he was alive.
He hadn’t quite gotten used to it but he was getting there… slowly.
If his sibling saw him now, floating (standing) behind them, what would they say? Would they be happy to see him or remorseful that was a ghost, unable to move on to whatever came after? Maybe being a ghost was a good as it got, but Touya still hadn’t come across any other ghosts. Or, if he did, he was unable to tell that they were ghosts.
Maybe he’d evolve as a ghost and gain new abilities. Maybe at some point he’d be able to talk or show himself to people.
Or maybe the rest of his existence would be in total isolation.
It was early in the morning- the sun had barley begun to come up and after checking in on Keigo, seeing the kid still sleeping, he made his way back home. Surely nothing bad could happen to him while he was asleep… right?
In the few weeks he’d been following the blonde around, he hadn’t had anything happen during the night so perhaps that was one safe time. Most nights he stayed in the empty room next to Keigo, not sleeping because he hadn’t fallen asleep since he died.
But he’d steal book from Keigo’s room and read, maybe he’d find some paper and a pencil and draw. If there was anything remotely positive about being a ghost (now that he could touch things), Touya realized that he could learn so much more. He never got tired, he never slept (not for a lack of trying) and he had all the time in the world.
At the same time… he missed being able to interact with people. Anybody at all and he missed his family.
Touya never really got the chance to talk to Shoto and that made it so much worse. Sometimes he’d go to Shoto’s school and check up on him that way but without any communication it felt fruitless.
There was something different about Natsuo since he died too- he used to be so much happier and now that smile was few and far between.
Glistening tears fell from all of is siblings eyes but all three of them were silent. Touya wondered how often they did this.
Six months after he died he stopped going to his family home; the pain of it, of missing them so badly was too much to handle. But now… after hanging around Keigo for a while he couldn’t help but be reminded of the family he had. The family that was still mourning him.
Touya guessed that it felt nice knowing he wasn’t forgotten, but he hoped that his siblings would be able to move on soon. It had been a while.
Once, Touya considered leaving a letter. Since he was able to write now and wield a pencil the idea of dropping a note in one of their rooms were tempting. But he doubted any of them would believe that the ghost of their dead brother would exist let alone leave a note.
And he wouldn’t know what to say anyway.
So… he kind of settled for watching. Touya had only come back a few times recently, only on the nights he was restless and couldn’t bare to stay in the room at the next to Keigo’s. He liked being around the blonde, but at night there was nothing that kept his mind occupied very long and on those nights he ‘restless’, he’d make his way back to his family home.
It wasn’t like he could move on from them when they were still alive.
Yet seeing them it left him with an emptiness in whatever spirit he was made of. He always felt empty… unless he was around Keigo. Keeping the boy safe from harm that just kept wanting to find him.
Touya still didn’t understand it; how so many bad things could happen to him each time. If Touya could get tired hew as sure he would be by the end of each day. But, he’d successfully kept the boy alive and out of harms way since he started following him around.
And each time he did save his life he was reassured that he wasn’t being creepy, he was just protecting him.
How Keigo survived before him? Touya had no idea, but now that he was there, he would make certain that the boy was going to live. His quirk was strong, Touya had seen that time and time again, and his future was bright- if only he would live that long.
And Touya could make sure of it, no one deserved to die from bad luck.
Touya let out a sigh without any breath and knelt down next to Natsuo. He knew his brother couldn’t see him, or hear him, but Touya let his hand hover above his shoulder anyway, not touching (because humans seemed to get a chill when that happened) but just resting above.
“I’m here,” Touya said, aching as tears slipped silently from Natsuo’s eyes. “I’m alright.” Touya said, bowing his head before looking at Fuyumi and Shoto.
Shoto’s hand was held by Fuyumi’s tight. Seconds later the young boy let out a sob and covered his mouth. He buried his head into Fuyumi’s chest, shouldering shaking as he cried. Natsuo lifted his head at the sound, gazing over and meeting Fuyumi’s eyes mournfully.
“I-I-“ Shoto tried but the words didn’t form. They were replaced with another sob and heavy trembling in his body. “I never g-got to know him.” Shoto cried after several moments of uncontrolled sobbing.
Whatever it was in Touya’s (not) body that ached came back full force and all he wanted to do was pull his brother in and hug him. Let him know that he was still there… kind of. Maybe they never got to know each other but Touya was almost certain that eventually they would have been close.
Maybe if there had been enough time.
But as Touya watched his brother cry he was filled with a need to know him too. And as much as he didn’t want to keep returning to the home that basically killed him… for Shoto’s sake he was willing to. He wanted to see Shoto grow up in a way that he never would get the chance to.
I often wonder why I came back as a ghost. Is it true about all that unfinished business stuff? Is there something I need to find to move on? And what happens when I do? I’m not sure if this is a curse, but I’m afraid of the future.
If I could prevent my death, would I? The answer is immediately yes.
Touya followed Keigo into a small room lined with desks and then leaned against the wall as Keigo slid into one of those seats, in the back.
The blonde had already tripped four time on the way from his room, one of which resulted in him slamming into a corner (thankfully not so sharp) and dropping his books and scattering them across the floor.
Of course, Kyo was there to help and though Touya wished he could, he didn’t think floating books would necessarily be the best idea. The last thing he wanted to do was freak Keigo out. So, the most of could do was keep anything worse from happening.
Nothing inside the building was ever as bad as the things that happened outside, but that didn’t mean it was perfectly safe. The amount of times Keigo had almost walked into a knife from the kitchen was astounding. Surely he would notice the blade hanging off the edge, but no. No, Touya had to push it away each and every single time.
Twice yesterday… TWICE!
Touya wasn’t sure how it was possible and he wasn’t sure why anyone would leave him alone in the kitchen. But, he supposed it wasn’t as if they could trap him inside. Though the idea briefly crossed Touya’s mind when Keigo nearly started a grease fire.
Touya looked over at Keigo as the blonde pulled out a book and some paper, head down as he stared at the blank lines. He hovered his pencil above it before making a single dot on it and then setting his pencil down.
The blonde ran a hand through his hair, sighing softly.
“You alright blondie?” Touya asked and not for the first time he found himself wishing that Keigo could hear him. He thought that he’d like to talk to him a little bit, maybe they’d get along… as long as Keigo didn’t find out they he’d been following him.
But maybe in life they would have been friends.
“Hey!”
Keigo turned around, watching at Kyo appeared in the doorway, a small box in his hand. Keigo tucked a piece of hair behind his ear and waved back pathetically. Touya knew it was been a rough morning for him. And he wished there was more he could have don’t to prevent it but short of pushing him out of the way… there wasn’t much.
“Hi,” Keigo said as Kyo slid into the seat next to him. The dark haired boy peeked over at the paper before shaking his head and setting down the box.
“I was thinking-“
“That always ends well,” Keigo quipped with a small smile and Touya found his gaze lingering on it. Keigo had a nice smile. It was wide and bright and although it was rare to see it. Touya wondered if there was anything he could do to make Keigo smile.
Probably if he were alive… but dead? Well, his abilities were limited.
“Hear me out Kei,” Kyo said, pushing the box forward. “a few of us were talking and-“
“Whose us?” Keigo asked, picking up the pencil and holding it in between his fingers.
“Listen, I ran out your favorite bakery this morning and I got your favorite muffin.” He said, patting the top of the box. Keigo opened it and peeked inside. Touya looked over his shoulder at a dark muffin, lined with chocolate chips. Quickly he shoved it into his bag, hiding it.
“You know we aren’t allowed to have those!” He snapped, looking around the room cautiously, but no one else had arrived yet.
“Calm down,” Kyo said, “I know but well, I needed something to bribe you with. There’s this lady, downtown who has the quirk to see who our soulmate is!” He exclaimed, grabbing onto Keigo’s arm. “Since we have the afternoon off, I thought we should go, it could be fun!” Kyo said with a smile and an encouraging nod.
Keigo rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, pulling his arm away from Kyo. “With who?”
“Well… me, Arata, Haru, Mei and… Ayaka were talking-“
“No.” Keigo said, stabbing his paper lightly with his pencil.
“Hear me out!” Kyo exclaimed, “I didn’t want her to join in but you know wherever Haru goes she goes! We rarely have days off come on!”
“I can’t stand Ayaka,” Keigo said, whispering harshly.
“Yeah!” Touya added, sitting in the chair in front of them, careful not to make it move. “Me neither!”
Kyo groaned softly, “Imagine getting to find out who your soulmate is!”
Keigo huffed and stabbed his paper again, “not like mind would want me.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t say that, the whole purpose of a soulmate is that they are perfect for you, they have to like you.”
“Sure, maybe me but not my fucking curse.” Keigo said, stabbing his paper again before the tip broke off and hit him in the cheek. The sharpness of it left a small scratch on his face. The blonde cursed, bringing his hand to his face and gave Kyo a glare. “See?”
“Maybe if you weren’t so mean to your paper,” Kyo said and then shook his head, “come on, I don’t want to go without you.”
Keigo sighed, wiped at the scratch on his cheek and set his pencil down. “Why? You chances of death go up substantially when I’m around,” he said.
“Not with me around!” Touya exclaimed, getting out of the chair and kneeling in front of the desk. He put his chin on the edge of it, careful not to move the paper. “But I guess you wouldn’t know that.”
“I like to live on the edge,” Kyo said with a brilliant smile, his eyes gazing over Keigo’s face lingering just a second too long for Touya’s liking. Of course, he had no claim over Keigo but… but he protected him. He was keeping Keigo safe from more harm than Kyo was. Then Kyo slid his hand overtop of Keigo’s and for a moment, Touya’s vision went red. “Who knows, maybe we-“
“Hey!” He snapped, standing abruptly, “hands off him!” In his haste he knocked into the chair behind him and it screeched across the floor as he bumped it.
The two boys lifted their head, stared right through Touya at the chair. They blinked, almost disbelieving at what they saw. Kyo’s sentence was cut short and the shock on their face showed clear.
“What the hell was that?” Keigo asked, “did you kick it?” And Touya knew that he couldn’t possibly see him but the way his eyes bore right through him made it seem like he almost did. It was impossible but he liked to think Keigo saw him.
“No, did you?” Kyo asked.
“Obviously not!” Keigo said, lowering his voice as the door opened as more students piled in. He looked like he wanted to say something else but then four people came around the desk, one walking right through Touya.
He dispersed into a mist before it came back together to form his body.
“Hey!” Touya snapped again at the boy with brown hair who walked through him. His mood soured almost instantly, and even more so when he saw the uncomfortable look on Keigo’s face. His wings pulled tighter into his back, almost on instinct. Then he found the girl with red hair, Ayaka.
The bitch who was tormenting Keigo.
Touya didn’t understand why Kyo would let her anywhere near Keigo, especially knowing how much he disliked her.
“So, we going or what?” Another boy with red hair, the same as Ayaka’s, asked. There was a girl with pale blonde hair and freckles, she hung close to the boy with brown hair. She set her hands on the desk, green eyes looking at Keigo in a way that rubbed Touya the wrong way. He clenched his hands into fists.
“Won’t you come, Takami?” She asked, eyes wide. Ayaka rolled her eyes, slamming her hand on the desk, making Keigo flinch.
“Of course he will!” Ayaka snapped, “because if he doesn’t go, Kyo won’t go and if Kyo doesn’t go neither will Haru,” she said, giving the boy with red hair a pointed look. The boy shrugged.
“Watch it,” Touya warned, knowing there was more than enough clothing on her body that he could use to knock her over. Gods, if any of them could see him he’d make sure none of them would even think about messing with Keigo.
“I don’t know,” Keigo said, looking over at Kyo who only watched him desperately with eyes pleading for agreement.
“It’s clear you don’t want to go, so don’t.” Touya said, wishing he could take Keigo’s hand and reassure him that he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to.
“Don’t be selfish, Takami. You put all of us in enough danger with your tragic ass every day. Do this for us.” Ayaka said and once again Touya fought the urge to slam her into the ground. If he had any physical form at all, he’d punch her in the face.
Keigo lowered his head, staring at the stabbed paper. “Alright,” he said, voice quiet. “I’ll go with, but I don’t want to know who my soulmate is.”
“Whatever freak,” Ayaka huffed and then turned, pulled the boy with red hair, Haru, Touya assumed, with her. Their hair was so strikingly similar that Touya had to think they were siblings. They looked the same age too.
Keigo sighed as they left and stared at his desk, taking in a small breath.
“Thank you, Takami.” The girl, who Touya assumed was Mei, said. Keigo shrugged and moments later she left with the boy with brown hair.
As more students filed into the room, Keigo kept his head down until Kyo spoke. “Seriously man, thank you. Who knows, maybe you already know your soulmate!”
Keigo snapped his head up, glaring at him, “I don’t want to know. Even if they did want me, I’d be putting them in danger. I don’t want to know my soulmate; I don’t want to know anything about them.”
Kyo put his hands up in surrender and leaned back into his seat. “Okay, okay, fine.”
Keigo looked away, back at the chair that Touya had accidentally moved. Kyo had already seemed to forget about it and Keigo didn’t bring it up again, but every so often, he’d glance up, furrow his brows and then shake his head. As if there was some thought that he couldn’t shake.
Touya promised himself he’d be more careful and watched Keigo to make sure that nothing bad happened to him the rest of class. It was convenient that the classes were held in the Hero Commission building, but that didn’t mean it impervious to his bad luck.
And when they left, later that day, Touya knew he was going to have to be on his guard even more to keep Keigo safe. Something told him his ‘friends’ wouldn’t be able to save him if something did happen.
The whole talk about soulmates confuses me. If we have them, and it is true and honest, then why do people not care more about it? Are we so preconditioned for disappointment that the idea of someone perfect for us seems so utterly improbable that we never give the idea the time of day?
I believe so.
“Just stand like, ten feet behind us, got it?” Ayaka said, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. Keigo met her eyes once and then shrugged.
“Whatever,” he said and pulled a hoodie over his head. He looked over at Kyo and shoved his hands into his pockets. Touya fell into step next to Keigo, his dislike of Kyo growing exponentially. It wasn’t that he was doing anything necessarily wrong but pressuring Keigo into doing something with people he didn’t like wasn’t exactly best friend material.
Still, Touya followed and kept an eye out for any dangers. More than once he saw something that could potentially be dangerous, he pushed a few rusty nails off the sidewalk, stared at Keigo far more than he probably should have, but kept him from harm.
Kyo looked back several times, but each time Keigo avoided his gaze. Touya would too.
Why Kyo couldn’t or rather wouldn’t walk with Keigo was beyond Touya, but at the very least he was there. Though Kyo didn’t know that.
“You’re an ass!” Touya called, wishing (not for the first time) that someone could hear him. “Don’t worry,” he said, “I’ll keep you company.”
Keigo lowered his head and kicked at a small rock. He looked up only when he had to and followed them all silently. Touya didn’t know why Kyo wanted Keigo to come if he wasn’t even going to speak to him.
There was nothing he could do, so he pushed the thought aside and walked (floated, whatever) alongside of Keigo. And when they got there, Touya hovered next to Keigo while everyone else spoke to the woman.
“Is it true you can tell who people’s soulmate are?” Mei asked, lifting herself onto her toes and then back down. She clutched the boy with brown hair, Arata’s, hand.
The woman, whose hair was a dark purple, almost black tilted her head. “I can determine a defining characteristic for the person whom you are most compatible with.” She said and then, “that is, yes, your soulmate.”
The girl smiled and looked at the Arata then back at the woman, “what about mine?” It didn’t take a genius to tell who she wanted it to be. Touya almost hoped it wasn’t that boy, just for laughs. Just because they had all pressured Keigo to come.
“Give me your hand,” she said and Mei handed it over excitedly. The woman hummed, and Touya couldn’t be bothered to find out her name. Whatever she said it, he ignored. All that he was focusing on was Keigo and his wellbeing.
He seemed content enough with everyone else ignoring him but inside it made Touya rage. Why should they have asked him to come if they weren’t going to speak to him? If they weren’t even going to acknowledge that he was there.
As the woman looked at Mei’s hand, Kyo suddenly came over to Keigo.
“You alright?” He whispered and Touya rolled his eyes.
“As if you care,” Touya spat, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Yeah.” Keigo said softly, he looked out of the window of the small shop. There were herbs and crystals that lined the walls. Books and papers along with jars and few boxes. “I just want to go home.”
Kyo sighed softly, “I’m sorry I made you come. I don’t like leaving you anywhere alone.”
Keigo rolled his eyes, “whatever. I can handle myself.”
“Yeah,” Touya shot, “he can handle himself… with me around.” He smiled, hands on hips. They fell back to his sides as the silence that followed was deafening. Of course, no one heard him.
“I know you can, that doesn’t mean I don’t worry,” Kyo said, smiling softly. He put his hand on Keigo’s shoulder, but the blonde shrugged it off.
“Just… find out who your soulmate is and let’s go,” Keigo said, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah,” Kyo said, scratching the back of his head nervously, “about that…”
“What?”
“Do you ever wonder if, you know, maybe we-“
“Kyo!” Haru called suddenly, “it’s your turn.”
Kyo shut his mouth and clenched his hands into fists. He glared at Haru before nodding. “Thanks for that,” he said, clenching his jaw, “really, thanks.”
Haru shrugged and glanced between Keigo and Kyo. He smirked and then turned back to the woman who held out her hand, waiting for Kyo’s.
“Come on,” Ayaka whined, “hurry up.”
“Alright, alright,” Kyo sighed, leaving Keigo again and walking up to the woman except this time, Keigo followed behind him. His hands were still in his pockets but he stayed by his side. So, in turn, Touya followed too.
The woman hummed again as she gazed at Kyo’s palm, her eyes flashed purple and several lines glowed in a light gold. She hummed again.
“What is it?” Kyo asked, looking back at Keigo, searching his face but Keigo’s face was neutral.
“I see red,” she said and Kyo’s eyes flared. Keigo pulled his wings tighter into his back, shifting the weight of his feet. “Bright, glowing red,” the woman smiled and traced a line at the top of his hand. “Perhaps a secret too?” She asked, “no, no. You have met them, have known for quite a long time.” A smile formed on Kyo’s face as he looked back at Keigo but the blonde was staring at his feet.
“H-how long?” Kyo asked and the woman hummed again.
“Many years. Seven- eight, perhaps. There is much red… much heat.” Kyo took his hand back and turned to Keigo.
“Kei,” he said softly, grabbing his hand from his pocket. Touya narrowed his eyes about to cause a disturbance when he found the woman’s eyes on him. And there was no mistaking it this time, she wasn’t looking through him. She was looking at him.
His eyes flared, “you can see me?” He asked and she gave a slight nod. Not harsh enough for anyone else to notice but he saw it. Touya took a step back and focused on Keigo.
“What?” Keigo asked.
“You should see the characteristic of yours.” Kyo said, a smile on his face as if they could possibly be soulmate. But then, the woman did speak of red… and Keigo’s wings were as red as the come.
“I don’t want to,” Keigo said quietly, taking his hand back and sliding it into the pocket of his jeans.
“Come on, please,” Kyo said, “for me?”
Keigo lifted his head suddenly, meeting Kyo’s eyes. He looked then at Mei, Haru, Arata and finally Ayaka. He didn’t want such personal information to be revealed in front of anyone else.
He shook his head, “I don’t-“
“Just do it!” Ayaka snapped making Keigo flinch slightly. “We came all this way, you might as well.” She huffed and Touya glared. There was nothing more he could do.
“But I-“ Keigo tried but was interrupted again.
“Please Takami?” Mei asked softly, “we’ve all done it.”
“Come on Kei,” Kyo said, “maybe it’ll be good!”
Keigo stared at the floor before finally walking up to the woman, “fine,” he said and held out his hand.
“Are you sure, child?” The woman asked and Keigo lifted his head, giving a small nod.
“It’s fine,” he sighed softly. The woman’s eyes flickered to Touya’s face before back at Keigo’s hand. It was unsettling being seen by someone. For so long no one had ever paid him any mind and now… who was this woman?
And why was it that she could see him?
Touya shook the thought from his mind, he’d get answers later.
For once, the woman didn’t hum, and she didn’t smile. She was silent and her brows were pinched together. No one said anything at all as they watched.
Then, “ah. I see,” she said finally, letting Keigo’s hand go and meeting his eyes. “Do you wish to know?”
Keigo shrugged, “might as well. Not like I’ll seek them out anyway.”
“I do not wish to upset you, but your soulmate is…” she sighed, “not alive any longer.”
Keigo flinched back, knocking into Kyo who caught him from falling over. “W-what?”
“Wait but I thought-“ Kyo started, holding onto Keigo’s shoulders, “you said mine was red! You said that- I thought that-“ He shook his head, holding Keigo far too close for Touya’s liking. But again, there was nothing he could do about it.
“Yes,” the woman said a mournful look on her face, she looked to Keigo. “Your heart line is broken, accompanied with small islands on it as well that indicated grief, a broken heart, a lost life. I am sorry, but I am certain he is not alive.”
Keigo nodded slowly and despite himself, Touya saw small tears in Keigo’s eyes. He pulled himself away from Kyo and wiped at his eyes. “I told you this was a bad idea,” he whispered, about to leave when the woman spoke again.
“I can tell you what he was like!” She called and only then did Keigo pause. He turned.
“What’s the point?” He asked, raspy- low. “I didn’t even want to know anything in the first place. Why would I want to know anything about someone’s that… that’s-“ he shook his head, pushing the door open.
The woman bowed her head, “wait!” She called, reached into a small drawer at the desk. She pulled out a box, several inches tall and about a foot wide. “Take this,” she said, holding it out. Keigo looked back, jaw clenched and eyes glossy with tears.
“I don’t want whatever it is, I want to go home-“ his voice broke, looking desperately at his friend, “Kyo?”
The dark-haired boy nodded, “yeah, yeah of course.” He started going towards Keigo before taking the box from the woman at the last second. “Thank you,” he whispered and then rushed towards Keigo.
Kyo slid his arm around Keigo’s back, looking back into the shop before leaving with Keigo. Soon, everyone else followed but for a moment Touya stayed behind. Now, he knew that Kyo wasn’t going to leave Keigo’s side, and he’d have a few minutes to spare.
As the door closed when the last person left, he turned to the woman, meeting her eyes. “You can see me.” He said, no longer a question.
“Yes,” she said, “I am Amara, a medium.”
Touya wasn’t sure what to ask or what to say. It all seemed so… overwhelming. But there was one single question burning a hold through his mind. He looked behind him, through the glass door and watched the back of Keigo’s body as he walked.
He realized in that moment why he had such a strong urge to protect Keigo. Why being around him made him feel more normal, more alive if that were even possible.
“It’s me, isn’t it?” Touya asked, wishing that he could cry because there were dozens of emotions that he could not release in the way he needed. “I’m his soulmate?”
Amara let out a soft, mournful sigh, and nodded.
Suddenly it was as if the world moving on without me wasn’t the worst thing. It was being right there, so close to the person I was meant for, and not existing at all to them.
I’m starting to think that all of this is a curse.
For me. For him.
I wonder when it will end.
Touya caught up to Keigo and Kyo after they had already gotten back to the Hero Commission building. Of course, everyone else had already detached themselves from Keigo’s company but thankfully, Keigo looked physically unharmed.
He followed behind them, Kyo’s arm was still around his back and any confidence Keigo might have had was gone as he leaned on his friend as they walked back to his room.
Touya phased through the door before they got it open all the way and then sat on the floor as Keigo and Kyo sat on the bed. The two of them were silent until Keigo brought a sleeve to his face a wiped at his eyes.
“It’s stupid,” he muttered, barely audible and his voice cracked. “I- I didn’t even want to know him but… but now that I know I-“ He shook his head, covering his face with both palms.
“Kei, I’m so sorry,” Kyo said, bowing his head, “I should have listened to you, I should have never made you come.”
Keigo shrugged, “you’re my friend,” he whispered, “and I don’t have anyone else. I’d go just about anywhere with you but… fuck, it shouldn’t h-hurt like this right? Why should I hurt over someone I never met?” He clutched at his chest, holding the fabric of his jacket in his hand.
“I took this for you,” Kyo said after several moments of silence. He slid the box on the bed.
Keigo pushed it away, “I don’t want it.”
“Aren’t you curious? Maybe… maybe it’s something to make it better?” Kyo said with a small smile.
“What?’ Keigo snapped, “is it going to bring him back to life? If not, then don’t think it could possibly make anything better!”
Kyo seemed unfazed, “it can’t hurt.”
“That’s what you all said about the whole stupid soulmate thing.” Keigo whispered but he set a hand on top of the box anyway. He chewed on his lip, playing with the edges of it. “Kyo,” Keigo said, “you wanted to ask me something.”
The dark-haired boy scratched the back of his head. “Oh, it doesn’t matter. It’s not true anyway.”
“What’s not true?” Keigo prodded, setting his hand back in his lap and leaving the box momentarily forgotten.
“Ah, nothing. Seriously, it doesn’t matter.”
“Come on, Ky,” Keigo said, crossing his arms over his chest and leveling his gaze to the piercing eyes of his friend. There was a glint to them that Touya didn’t like.
Something about it that made him ache where his heart should have been.
“Will you hate me?” Kyo asked, fiddling with the edge of his sleeve.
Keigo shook his head. “Never.”
Kyo let out a careful breath before holding out his hand. The blonde furrowed his brows but gave Kyo his anyway, skeptical but his hand laid in Kyo’s nonetheless. Touya almost looked away, but taking his eyes off of Keigo, after everything he learned… it was impossible.
Even when Kyo leaned in, even when in an instant Kyo captured Keigo’s lips with his and Kyo was kissing Keigo. Even when Keigo pushed Kyo away, before meeting his eyes and drawing their lips back together.
Touya couldn’t take his eyes off the person who was supposed to be his even as Keigo wrapped his arm around Kyo’s neck and pulled him down on top of him.
Everything about his spirit was screaming at him to stop them, to stop Kyo from touching what was his but Touya was dead.
He didn’t have anything anymore.
And anything that made Keigo’s life better, couldn’t be a bad thing.
So Touya watched until Kyo’s hands slid up Keigo’s shirt and pressed him into the bed, knocking the box off the mattress and not bothering to spare it a glance as it clattered to the floor.
Touya left the building, moved, not really thinking, and found himself, once again, at the front door of his childhood home.
He didn’t know what he felt for Keigo, but he knew whatever it is could never end well for him and his own feelings. He wasn’t sure how to protect something that no body else knew existed but if it meant staying away from the blonde… well, Touya wasn’t sure he could do that.
There was no purpose in being a ghost but for a moment Touya felt there might be.
I don’t know what the right decision is. If one or the other will make matters worse or better but I cannot speak to myself any longer. I think I’ll go mad. You have no reason to believe that I am who I say I am but ask me anything.
I will answer as best I can.
There is not grudge in my spirit, I hold you and Fuyumi and Natsuo to no fault, it was mine alone but please, I cannot bear the isolation. I have nothing, nothing at all. I beg of you, believe this is no joke, write back to me.
Please, please do not leave me to my own isolation any longer.
Touya scribbled fast, closing the new white notebook with the pen still tucked inside when he finished.
He left the notebook on Shoto’s desk… and waited.