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We share the same skeptically about things in life… and death I guess but I promise I am who I say I am, even if you cannot see or hear me. Ask me another question, I’ll answer.
Why did Touya hate winter?
Do you even know the answer to this pipsqueak? I hate winter because it doesn’t affect me, the cold is where my resistance lays and not the heat of my actual quirk. It’s a reminder that I was a failure.
Touya wasn’t a failure.
I appreciate the confidence but to me, to our father… that’s exactly what I was. Sometimes I think I still am.
"Are you crazy?" Natsuo exclaimed, snatching the little white notebook from Shoto’s hands and flipping through the pages.
Shoto crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head, "it’s Touya, I know it." He argued and Touya nodded, standing next to Shoto even though none of them knew he was there.
"It’s me, I promise," Touya said, and smiled.
"That’s impossible," Fuyumi said softly, putting her hand of Shoto’s shoulder gently. "Touya’s dead, Sho."
Shoto nodded but didn’t back down. Pride swelled through Touya, maybe he had gotten through to him. Maybe…
"Won’t you trust me?" Shoto asked, "I know I didn’t know him as well as either of your but… but everything in there, everything he wrote is correct. Check it."
Natsuo clenched the book in his hand, slowing as he opened it back up and started to read. Fuyumi moved behind him, reading over his shoulder. Then, Natsuo shook his head, pointing at a line. "This is wrong, "it says that Fuyumi broke one of Dad’s vases, but it was Touya."
"I covered for her idiot!" Touya exclaimed, huffing without any breath. Out of annoyance he smacked the book from Natsuo’s hand, watching it fall from his hands and clatter to the ground. Natsuo flinched back, looking at his hands in awe and fear.
"What was-"
"Nats," Fuyumi said softly, gazing at Shoto’s face intently as their baby brother picked up the book, "I-I did break it." She covered her mouth, "Touya didn’t want me to get in trouble so he… he…"
"Oh my gods," Natsuo gasped, watching as Shoto held the book out and squeezed his eyes shut.
"He’s in here, can’t you feel it?" Shoto asked, letting go of the book. Touya smiled and caught it before it hit the ground.
Natsuo opened his eyes, gasping again at the floating book. "No, no- it’s impossible, it’s not-"
"Touya?" Fuyumi asked, choking on a soft sob as her knees buckled and she sat on the ground before she collapsed.
Touya set the book on the ground, took on of the pens from Natsuo’s desk and started writing.
I’m here.
The writing appeared immediately as he wrote it and the silence in the room evened out. None of them moved as Touya set the pen down. "There’s no way, someone’s messing with us." Natsuo exclaimed, shaking his head.
"Don't be so stubborn, Nats," Touya sighed, then,
Stop being stubborn, Nats, listen to Sho.
Touya set the pen down. Crossing his legs together, he sat next to Fuyumi.
"Shoto," Natsuo whispered, swallowing hard, "please tell me this isn't a joke."
Shoto sat down and smiled, picking up the pen and holding it out to Natsuo; "it's not," he said, and Natsuo took the pen.
What are you? (N)
A ghost? Spirit? Floaty invisible being?
How long? (F)
I don't know… since the moment I died? It feels like forever but… like no time has passed at all.
But you never said anything before (N)
I say stuff all the time, it doesn't matter, nobody can hear me. No one can see me, well, one person can but she's a psychic. I've only recently been able to touch things, a month.
I miss you (F)
Yeah, Dad's changed a lot since you… ya know. (N)
Yeah? Sorry I haven't… really been around to see it. I tried but I couldn't bear to stay. How's he changed?"
He doesn't train me much anymore (S)
I think he was so scared of losing another kid that he pulled Shoto from all rough training and focuses solely on helping him control his quirk. (F)
And I get to play with Fuyumi and Natsuo now! (S)
I… I'm glad, I never saw you as a hero like him, Shoto… is mom alright?
She's… not as bad as she used to be, but she won't move back in with us. (F)
I don’t forgive dad. You shouldn't either (N)
I don't know how I feel, angry sure, at first. I don't hate father and I'm glad he's changing but… I'm already gone.
Touya, I miss you so much! (F)
I wish I could see you, or hear your annoying ass voice, (N)
I wish I could be heard; I can't take the isolation. Not being heard or seen… thank you for writing with me, I do not feel as alone.
Do you see other ghosts? (S)
Not that I know of, I haven't met anyone.
You'll keep writing to us, right? (F)
Nothing could stop me.
Touya wasn't sure what to do. He hadn't seen Keigo in a week and he couldn't bear the thought of going back and seeing him with Kyio. The person Keigo kissed when he found out that his soulmate, he was dead.
That there was no future with a ghost.
And Touya knew that; he knew that it wasn't fair to be upset that Keigo was with somebody else but he still hated seeing it happen and sometimes he wondered why fate would do this to him.
Why was it punishing him after he was already dead? Was he not a good son? A good brother when he was alive?
Touya knew he could never have Keigo, despite the feelings that were still creeping in his mind, and that beautiful face of the boy who was almost a man and the light in his eyes despite his bad luck.
His eyes… that looked at someone else how Touya wanted to be looked at.
He wanted his soulmate to be happy he just wished… Touya wished he was alive to be the one to make him happy.
Writing with his siblings was nice, but it didn't cure his isolation. It cure the boredom and despair of having nothing to do when everyone was out. He'd follow Shoto to school, making sure he got there okay, and then he'd swing by Fuyumi's and Natsuo's high school before giving up on finding entertainment and he wandered the streets again.
He stopped outside the psychic's shop before leaving, he didn't want to speak with her.
Touya had nothing to say.
He didn't want to hear how utterly pointless and hopeless his situation was.
That nothing… nothing could save him.
Touya found himself wandering towards the Hero Commission Headquarters before turning back around before he saw something he didn't want to see. Eventually he found him way back home, sitting on his bed in his old room.
Everything was still in the same place; nothing had been boxed up or covered. Touya wondered if anyone ever even stepped inside of it. He laid down and closed his eyes, wishing (not for the first time that he could sleep).
He didn't know how much time went by before he heard the door to the house open and Touya got up, finding Shoto stepping inside.
His father was there to greet him and Touya stood still. It was the first time he'd seen his father since leaving the house a year ago.
Touya felt as if he could choke if he only had air or lungs.
Enji held up hand up and Touya flinched, but Shoto's smiled beamed. He jumped up and slapped his father's hand. "Ms. says I scored in the top 97 percentile for my grade," he said, running to the kitchen and opening up a cabinet.
Touya followed watching Enji lean against the counter, "oh?" Enji said, a small smile on his face.
Shoto hummed and reached for a packet of strawberry pocky.
"Can I?" he asked, and Enji nodded.
"Go ahead," he said and Shoto ripped it open. "Have you thought about what junior high you want to go to?" he asked and again, Shoto hummed.
"Well… um, I know you wanted me to go to the one for really smart people but-" Shoto clasped his hands together in front of him and swayed gently.
"but?" Enji asked.
Shoto left out a soft breath, "I met this really nice kid," he said nodding and smiling, "and he's going to Aldera Junior High!"
"Oh?" Enji said quietly, he tapped his fingers on the back counter, "what's this kids name?"
"Umm, well he says I always say his name wrong so I should just call him Suki, but um… his other friend calls him Kacchan, oh, oh! And this other kid, he has like really big eyes and fluffy hair, he's going to Aldera too!" Shoto said, smiling and jumping lightly, his slippers thudding quietly on the ground.
Touya couldn't help but smile at him… something about his father was different. Something incredibly significant. He was almost a completely different man than the one he knew.
"Well, if you want it that badly I don't see why you shouldn't go? I'll set everything up, homework?" he asked and Shoto nodded.
"A bit, I'm gonna finish before dinner," he said, adjusting the strap of his bag.
"That's my boy," Enji said, ruffling Shoto's hair, "go on," he said gently, "I'll call when Fuyumi and Natsuo are home."
Shoto nodded and then ran off, up the stairs to his room and Touya followed. Shoto threw open his door and then tossed his bag onto his bed, letting it bounce before settling. He pulled at the notebook under his bed and then climbed up on it, opening it up.
He smiled at the note Touya had left earlier.
Have a good day at school, pipsqueak, I'll be here when you're back.
You're here?
Touya watched him write it and he smiled, taking a weightless seat on the bed and writing next to him.
I'm here.
What do you do when we're gone?
Anything I want.
Do you ever get tired?
No, I don't sleep. I don't have a body anymore, nothing to get tired.
I wish I didn't get tired, I could read so many more manga.
You'd get bored, there's only so much to read.
But… well, then I could, I don't know… do you run out of things to do then?
Sometimes, I walk around a lot. Tell me about school, whose this… Suki guy?
You were listening? I wish I could see you.
Me too, Sho.
Suki is my friend, he's super super nice to me. Every time we have homework, he helps me fix my answers and teaches me how to do it better.
Oh?
Yeah! And, he walks with me to lunch, he says no one will mess with me if he's next to me.
Do people try to mess with you?
Not anymore, at first, I'd get weird looks because of father but it doesn’t happen anymore. Not since Suki starting hanging around me.
You like him?
I like him a lot, he… he says I'm pretty.
Oh? And that's why you like him huh?
No, but it makes me happy, I think he's pretty too.
I see, and what about this other kid? You like him?
He's even nicer than Suki, his name is um… Izuku but he said I can call him Zuku, it made me laugh because Suki and Zuku, it's funny.
It is funny, I'm glad you have good friends shou, you deserve them.
You had friends Touya?
I… yeah, I did.
I bet they miss you, have you written to them?
I don't think that's a good idea Shou, they've all probably moved on.
Oh, I could never forget Touya. You're so cool, I always wanted to be just like you, Natsuo always said you were amazing. I wish I got to see that too.
I wish I could have showed you.
Maybe all it's the guilt building up but I cannot take my mind off of Keigo. It is selfish, perhaps, to hope that it has not worked out with Kyio though I want him to be happy. I say that I don’t have many regrets, but I think that has always been a lie.
The longer I've be dead, the longer I find more and more to regret.
Touya lingered in the back of the classroom, sitting on top of one of the empty desks. He watched his sisters scribble furiously on her paper before shooting her hand up into the air.
The teacher smiled knowingly and called on her.
"Ms. Todoroki, the answer?"
"Ninety-four point one, one, one two four grams per mole, sir," she said with a nod. Touya didn't have the faintest idea of what she was saying or what the number could have possibly meant but he still listened and watched. It was easier to distract himself than to deal with thinking about Keigo.
Wondering if he should go back and see him.
See if he's still okay.
"Correct, well done," the teacher said, writing the number up on the board. It was Fuyumi's final year in high school, Touya wondered what it was like. He'd fallen into a coma before ever getting out of junior high; he had no idea what being in high school was like.
He'd hung around Fuyumi enough to see that it made no sense to him-that it was harder and longer than junior high ever was. He also knew that Natsuo was going into the same school as Fuyumi, though they'd never be in it at the same time.
Touya knew that he'd be graduated by now. He realized that his sister and Keigo were the same age-in the same grade. He stood from the desk, and phased through the wall, into the empty halls of the school.
He didn't know where to go or what to do.
So, he did the only thing he could think of… and went home.
He didn't mean to.
Touya was supposed to go home, that's where he told himself that he was going to go but… he was standing in front of the Hero Commission building, staring through the door and stepping inside.
The layout was familiar.
He knew where to go but he didn't want to see.
His legs compelled him to move and he went towards Keigo's room. He stepped through the door and found the blonde sitting on his bed, with a book in his hand. There were bandages on his cheek and forehead, several bruises on his arms and an ankle that was wrapped tight with cloth.
Guilt ran through Touya.
It had only been a couple weeks… how could things have gotten so bad for him?
Touya thought the answer was easy- it was because he wasn't around. He noticed it then, Kyio wasn't around either.
"Where's your friend?" Touya asked, sitting on the floor and looking up at Keigo as he read. Keigo was silent, turning over the pages each time he finished.
Touya laid down on his back, putting his hands behind his head. "I'm sorry I left, I could have prevented you from getting more hurt." Keigo turned a page, grabbing for the water on the table next to his bed. "Do you mind if I talk? It stupid, I know but I missed you. You've never said a single word to me but I… I feel pathetic. There's something inside of me that just wants to know you. It's stupid but I like you, Keigo and I'm… I'm sorry that I died before we ever got to meet." Touya sighed breathlessly and closed his eyes.
"I wish you could hear me." Touya kept his eyes closed, "I went back to my family, they're doing well. I wrote to them and they wrote back to me, can you believe it? I still feel alone. It's nice but it's not nearly the same I… I want to talk and someone to listen. No one can listen to me now, Keigo I- I'm sorry for leaving." Keigo turned the page and his lips quirked up into a smile.
There was a knock at the door and it cracked open, an unfamiliar head peeking through. Touya opened his eyes and sat up, turning back and glancing at the person. He didn't know who it was but… he looked familiar.
Keigo stuck a finger in his book and set it in his lap, "hey," he said softly, voice quiet and congested. He was sick.
Guilt ravaged Touya's mind.
"Dinner?" the man in the doorway asked but Keigo shook his head.
"Kyio brought me stuff earlier, I'm not hungry." Keigo said, gesturing to the bowl and plate on his desk.
"Oh, good…" the man said, lingering. Keigo sighed and bit.
"What is it?"
"Oh, you know, I just…"
"Spit it out Daisuke, just ask," Keigo said, opening his book up and laying it flat on his lap.
"Just, you and Kyio… what's going on?" he asked, and Touya realized then why the man, Daisuke looked familiar- he looked strikingly similar to Kyio.
"He send you to ask?" Keigo asked, fingering at the corner of the book page.
"No…" Daisuke said, drawing out the word before nodding, "okay yes but it's only because I'm his brother, and I think, well, why'd you push him away, I thought you liked him. You two seemed happy, at least, that's what it looked like."
Keigo swallowed hard and leaned back into his bed, Touya stood. "I wasn't." Keigo said, lowering his eyes.
"What?" Touya asked at the same time Daisuke did.
"Kyio is great, really, you and him have been great to me but I… I don't have those kinds of feelings for him. I love him, I do but not… not like that." Keigo said and a weight lifted from Touya's spirit. It didn't change anything.
Really, it didn't change anything at all but something about Keigo not loving somebody else made him feel better. Maybe it was selfish, actually Touya knew it was selfish. He was dead and nothing was going to change that but… but at least Keigo hadn't fallen in love with somebody else.
"But you kissed him," Daisuke said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Keigo sighed again, leaning back against his headboard, "I know and I shouldn't have. He kissed me first and I… I was just upset enough be willing to do anything to get my mind off my dead soulmate."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh… did he not say anything about that?"
"You still think about me?" Touya asked, touching the end of the bed. He looked into Keigo's eyes from the distance between them and the weight returned. He wanted Keigo but he couldn't have him.
Ever.
He was dead.
"About what? Gods, did you all go to that psychic lady he'd was raving about?" Daisuke asked, rolling his eyes.
Keigo nodded once, "she said my soulmate was dead."
"And you believed her?" Daisuke asked, "I didn't take you for an idiot Keigo."
"Hey!" Keigo exclaimed, eyes darkening, "they told me she was legitimate, why would he lie?"
Daisuke sighed, "because my brother's been like in love with you… forever."
This time Keigo rolled his eyes, "whatever, it doesn't change anything. Soulmate or not, I'm not interested in anyone and I'm… I'm sorry for hurting Kyio. I shouldn't have led him on."
"He isn't mad at you," Daisuke said, leaning against the wall. Touya kept watching Keigo… he couldn't take his eyes off of him.
Gods, Touya didn't know how he ever went weeks without seeing him.
"It wasn't… a joke, was it? They weren't playing a joke on me?" Keigo asked, his lips pulled into a frown.
Daisuke shook his head, "I don’t think so, Kyio is hopeless. I bet he wanted that lady to say you were his soulmate so you'd have to like him. I guess it didn't turn out how he wanted."
"But what if she was right? What if the person meant for me really is… you know…"
Daisuke sighed, "Kei, you've gone through too much to worry about the person who is right for you. If it'll happen it'll happen. If not-"
"What if I want it to happen?" Keigo asked and Touya had to wonder what kind of history he had with this Daisuke guy. He was different than Kyio, calmer and more rational. He was older, that was clear.
"You want to meet somebody?"
"I don't know," Keigo said, closing his book and tossing it aside, "do I deserve it?"
"There's nothing you don't deserve Keigo… except all the bad luck." Daisuke moved forward and ruffle Keigo's hair, "don't stress about it Kiddo, you're nearly eighteen, your whole life is still ahead of you."
Touya laughed softly… he would have been eighteen. But he was stuck in the clothes he died in, with the face that had changed over the years of his coma. He had his whole life… until he didn't.
"Yeah," Keigo said softly, "unless something kills me first."
I often wonder if this is temporary or if the stage I'm in is permanent and if so… does that mean I stuck like this until the world ends? Until whatever spiritual plane I'm in gets destroyed and then what happens to me after that? Is being a ghost all I'll ever get to be?
Am I being punished?
Have you ever been in love?
I'm assuming you not asking our baby brothers. (F)
Obviously not.
Hey! I could have been in love. (N)
Yeah, okay Nats, with who? (F)
That pale haired kid in your class? What's his name? Tenko?
Shut up, oh my god how do you know about him? (N)
I've seen everything.
Please tell me you're kidding.
I'm kidding, kind of. So?
I don't think so, Tou, love isn't really my thing. (F)
Zuku said he loves Suki! (S)
Oh yeah? And what about you shou?
I'm ten. (S)
Good answer.
Did you love someone? (F)
I don’t think I ever had the time. Now that I do…
You found someone? (N)
Does it matter? I'm not alive.
What's his name? (F)
Keigo.
That's pretty. (S)
I thought so too. He's pretty. You think dad would have cared?
About? (N)
Me liking guys?
Probably not. (F)
I hope not. (N)
Is that bad? (S)
No, not at all Shou. Like whoever you want.
Like Suki and Zuku? (S)
If it makes you happy.
I think dad would have been more concerned about not training enough. Now… I think he'd never stop us from doing anything we want. (F)
I still don't forgive him. (N)
You don't have to but… I'm not angry anymore. It's too tiring.
He's only changed because you're gone! (N)
That's better than not changing at all.
But… it's his fault you're dead. (N)
Natuso…
I'll never forgive him for killing you. (N)
It's not… entirely his fault. If I didn't push myself so hard-
Don't try that. Your death wasn't your fault in any way. (F)
Do you… remember? (S)
My death?
Yeah (S)
Yes. It doesn't affect me… I can't really get hurt anymore.
Not physically. (F)
Yeah…
It's occured to me that there is not a single thing that anybody can say to do that will ever make me feel alive again. I cannot feel anything, I cannot be heard and I am forgetting what fire used to feel like. Ironic, I know, given how I died and all that but... I suppose that makes it so much worse. I was never afraid of my flames, only of never having enough.
Now I don't have anything at all. Not a single spark. I coulnd't produce any heat even if I tried.
It's funny how things work out but I'm not laughing.