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He could recall the brief moments floating past him as he tumbled through the air. A life flashing before his eyes.
The scrape of an unsheathing sword.
“Every time you lie, another one dies.”
The uncomfortable silence.
“Have I… walked in on something?”
The wind rushing past his face.
“No, ScAR NO!”
His stomach drops.
———————
As though in a cold splash of water, Scar is pulled from his fitful rest. Goosebumps prickle along his skin just as he is blinded by the gentle moonlight now streaming into the cave. While trying to orient himself through the foggy haze of lingering sleep, he hears the light brushing of feathers and crumble of dirt being pushed down onto the stone floor by his feet.
“Oh sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”
“No, no it’s fine.” Scar waves his hand dismissively, finally focusing on the shadowed form of his soulmate ducking into the tiny shelter, moon at his back. “I was only just resting my eyes.”
“Good, good. Erm—” Grian was forced to crouch onto his hands and knees, tucking his wings in tightly in order to squeeze in next to Scar. “Love what you’ve done with the place.” Their small hidey-hole, which they had dug out together hardly an hour ago, was rather lacking in comparison to all their luxuries at the Red Velvet Keep. Including, though not limited to: beds, separate rooms, or even space to stand up. Scar had made no attempt to decorate or expand after Grian had run off. He’d been so exhausted from the day’s events, all he wanted to do was sit down and curl up. Unfortunately it seemed that the makeshift dirt-and-stone cave (if you could even call it that, dugout would better fit the description) would have to make do for one night.
“I barricaded the entrance.” Scar added helpfully, nodding his head vaguely to the clumsy stack of dirt now spilled at their feet from Grian’s entry.
“Right that's um, very resourceful of you,” Grian said. The comment came with a descending tone that Scar was very used to by now. He’d been hearing it ever since Grian had discovered they were linked. It didn’t exactly sound disappointed, nor was it inherently meant to be unkind. Still, it was disheartening all the same, being addressed as one might speak to a child. Scar was really starting to hate that voice.
“Soooo, how was the pool party?” Scar asked lightly, attempting to recover the mood. Grian sighed, sounding just as exhausted as Scar felt.
“About what you could have expected. No one wanted to get in the water, and just as well since they’d trapped the pool with zombies. Then Ren took out B-Dubs and I took that as my cue to leave.”
“Huh. So he and Impulse—”
“Both red now, yep.”
“Hmm. Well I’m glad you’re safe.” Scar scooted a tiny bit closer to Grian. “I almost wish you hadn’t gone in the first place.”
“Mm-hmm.” Grian didn’t seem to be entirely listening. “You know, it’s awfully inconvenient for us how everyone is only going for people with extra lives left, instead of killing other reds. They could be significantly reducing the amount of competition they’d be dealing with. Why not make things easier for themselves?”
“Well, I like to think that all our friends, rednames or not, don’t really want to hurt each other,” Scar mused. “Even if they’re… misguided, they all have a little bit of good in them.”
“I dunno Scar, they did barbecue an awful lot of your pandas.”
“Nah, the pandas are just fine. I scared Etho and Joel off with my mad MLG skills. They wouldn’t want to anger someone as cool as me.”
“I guess you are pretty cool.” Grian gives him a teasing nudge with his shoulder and Scar can’t help but grin, pleased to be able to turn the tide of the conversation in his favour. Unlike some others, winning Grian’s approval doesn’t come easily to him. Even if it’s just a small gesture that he’s earned, it makes him feel like he’s done something right.
“I still have no idea how you survived,” Grian continues. “That little stunt was completely reckless and stupid, though I was impressed that you pulled it off. I’m very proud of you for not dying.”
Oh. That was a little backhanded for sure. True, Scar can’t blame Grian for not putting much faith in him; he doesn’t exactly have the best record. Even so, it doesn’t seem fair how his faults always seem to take away from his accomplishments.
“Why thank you!” Scar doesn’t let his face fall. “I do my best, all for you,” He adds at the end.
“Yeah, you really have been doing well this time,” Grian praises. “I’ll be honest, I was a little devastated when I found out we were soulmates, but somehow we ended up being the last two who haven’t lost a life yet. I’m pleasantly surprised. Maybe we’ll make it to the end after all.”
“Aw come on, you really doubted me?”
“Only a little.”
Scar forces a laugh, and Grian chuckles too. It doesn’t help to stop the sting of his words.
Though he pretended not to see it, Scar had always known how unhappy Grian was to be forced into a relationship with him. He pretended not to notice his sarcastic digs or strained tone of voice. He pretended not to care how he was always sneaking off to see people he preferred spending time with. He acted as though he had forgotten the frustrated scream that day in the canyon when they first met.
And apparently it wasn’t even a secret anymore. Apparently they had reached a place in their relationship where Grian was comfortable admitting his true feelings about Scar. Surely his words are only meant to come off as a tease, but it still ends up hurting. He acts as though making it this far is some kind of miracle, as if Scar hasn’t been working desperately to survive. He’s been hoping that all his efforts to impress might get noticed by his soulmate, and finally earn the approval he’s been seeking. He wanted to prove that he’s worthy of having his affections returned. Maybe even a bit of love, if circumstances permit.
But he’s starting to realize it doesn’t matter whether he stays quiet and out of trouble, or if he throws himself straight into danger and proves he can overcome it. He’s tried both, and it still hasn’t changed how Grian sees him. It’s Scar himself that’s the problem. He can’t just grow out of his bad reputation. No matter what he tries, it’s never going to be enough.
In fact, maybe he should have known better than to try from the very beginning. It's obvious his soulmate has eyes for someone else.
It hasn’t gone unnoticed how many times Grian has been sneaking away in the direction of the big Box, and the way he brushes off Scar’s questions when he returns. Then of course…
———————-
Grian and BigB standing close, hand in hand with the sun sinking low just behind them. Leaning close, they’re engaged in hushed conversation that halts suddenly as Scar approaches.
“Have I… walked in on something?”
“Oh, no Scar, we were just—” BigB fumbles for an explanation but trails off, lost for words. Scar hardly takes notice. His eyes are locked on his supposed soulmate’s guilty expression.
“Is that so? Because to me, it kind of seemed like two you were—”
“I’m allowed to talk to other people, Scar,” Grian snaps suddenly. It’s the first time he’s ever shown his temper like that in front of him. Scar holds the gaze a moment longer, his eyebrows furrowing. Grian glares back just as sternly. BigB stands awkwardly to the side, not making a sound.
At last, Scar breaks the tension with a light shrug.
“Suppose I’ll leave you to it then. Enjoy your romantic sunset!” And with that he rides off, not waiting to see their reaction, not letting them watch his expression crumble when he turns his back.
———————-
It’s not like he hadn’t seen it coming. How unfair that they had… well whatever that was, while Scar only received a grudging partnership as thanks for all his efforts.
So, as long as they’re both sharing secrets…
“Hey Grian? Um, I actually had something I wanted to tell you.”
“Yeah what’s up?” Grian mumbles through a yawn as he stretches and shifts a little in his seat, trying to find a more comfortable position in the tiny sitting space.
“It’s just that I… um, well I need you to know—” Scar falters suddenly as Grian leans into his side, resting his head on Scar’s shoulder.
Grian is still just trying to get comfortable, settling a wing over himself as a blanket. The unexpected warmth and weight of his touch is a shock compared to the cool stone digging into Scar’s spine. It’s unlikely that any intentional affection was meant by the gesture, more just an absent minded convenience of familiarity, but for a moment Scar forgets what he was about to say.
“Go on,” Grian prompts, finally still. Scar falters to recover.
“Oh, I was just going to say… I panicked earlier back at the Battle of The Keep and hid the enchanter underground. I figured it would be too heavy and obvious to try and transport so my idea was we could dig it up when we get back but—” He stumbles over his words, trying to make up something convincing on the spot. “We’re probably not going back, are we?”
“If we want to keep our heads, I wouldn’t advise it,” Grian agrees.
“I— I’m sorry Grian. I know that was a bad move. I’m sure they’ll all find it and become even stronger and more dangerous while we’re stuck all the way out here hiding in a dirt hole—”
“Hey, it’s alright. In fact, I reckon it’s probably for the best. That thing was only making us a target for interrogation at swordpoint and probable murder. We’re a lot safer now that it’s out of our hands.”
“That’s true.” Scar breathes out a sigh as quietly as he can, unsure whether it’s of disappointment or relief. Instead of worrying about the confession any longer, he lets himself relax a little into the touch. “Can’t say the same about my pandas though. I can only hope they’ll escape if the sanctuary gets torn up and not… have horrible things happen to them.”
“I’m sorry Scar. I really am. I know how much you loved taking care of them,” Grian says earnestly, though his sentences are losing steam and Scar can tell he’s nearly half asleep already. “If it puts your mind at ease, we can – carefully – go check on our base in the morning and see.”
Maybe it would be better to tell him in the morning anyway.
“Why not. Better than hiding out here until they come to hunt us down.”
“Think there’s any chance The Red Velvet Keep was left standing?”
“That fire hazard? No shot.”
“Well you never know.” Grian mumbles, words starting to slur. “We can sort everything out tomorrow.” He buries his face a little closer into Scar’s shoulder. Scar counts his breaths in the silence as they slow to a steady rhythm. After a while he lets his head fall back onto the stone behind him, eyes fluttering closed.
“Sure. Tomorrow.”