Work Text:
“If you were gay–”
“What the fuck–”
“Okay, wait. Make that, if we were gay–”
“I’m not gay.”
Kise gave Aomine his most unimpressed look and paused from examining his nails. “But if we were, though–”
Across him on the bed they were currently lounging on, Aomine turned the page of his gravure mag as if to emphasize his point. “I’m not.”
“Can you just let me finish?” Kise asked and it came out in a whine. Aomine had to sigh, wave a hand at him to continue.
“Fine. You’re gay.”
“We– You know what? Fine. If I were gay, I’d totally top.“
Aomine snorted, even granting Kise a glance because the idea was just stupid. "No, you wouldn’t. Not like I’d let you.”
Kise rolled his eyes. “Well you said you’re not gay so your opinion doesn’t count.”
“You’re too pretty to top.”
Kise kicked him. “That is totally not how it works! It doesn’t matter if I’m pretty or anything! I just would top.”
Aomine shrugged. Turned another page of his gravure mag. There were huge tits on the page. So not gay. “Your dick’s too small.”
“Oh my God, it is not!” Kise aimed another kick at him and Aomine had to retaliate by grabbing a pillow and smacking Kise with it.
“You wouldn’t even know!” Kise wheezed out, red faced, minutes later because somehow Aomine had wrestled him down on the bed and had settled on top of him without giving an inch.
For that, Aomine just put on more of his weight on him. “Yeah right, like that much has changed since middle school.”
“Get off.” Kise squirmed more valiantly.
There was some more tussling, squirming and grunting and then suddenly, their sweatpants were off.
Kise stared. “That is not fair.”
Aomine stared back. He tilted his head. “Does every part of you have to be pretty?”
That made Kise blush. “Aominecchi is so weird…”
Aomine just shrugged. “Shut up. You’re the one with the pretty dick.”
Kise covered his face. “Oh my God…”
“But yeah. You’re not topping.”
The words were enough to make Kise recover, pulling his hands away from his face to glare at Aomine who was there with his pants down and his big dick out like it was nothing.
Kise narrowed his eyes at him. “Oh yeah? Why? Coz you will?”
Aomine paused and just looked at Kise, taking him in suddenly from head to dick.
“If I were gay and it’s you I’m up against,” he looked up and met Kise’s eyes unflinchingly as he always did, an eyebrow raised in a challenge, “oh yeah. I totally would.”
Kise just smirked back. “I’d just like to see you try.”
Takao had completely forgotten how he had gotten here and why. Whatever possessed him to listen in on whatever crazy conversation Aomine and Kise had in the room they shared for this training camp he had no idea, but then here he was, regretting everything.
The conversation had ceased some time ago but it didn’t mean Aomine and Kise had gone quiet. Definitely not.
Takao shuddered, traumatized, as he heard a long, drawn out moan from behind the closed door and finally, finally, he managed to snap himself out of whatever horrified trance he had sunk into after the talk of dicks started. He quickly went back the way he came, knowing he wouldn’t be able to look at Aomine or Kise straight in the eye if he ever came across them without getting war flashbacks.
“PTSD, oh my God!” Takao wailed into his hands when he was finally out in the cold night air and away from obnoxious dickheads and their messed up foreplay.
(The news that Aomine and Kise were finally fucking got around pretty fast despite Takao's trauma, or so he vehemently claimed. Kuroko claimed his winnings from the betting pool and a new bet was started on when the idiots would notice they were in love and actually started dating. Akashi declined to comment as usual but that was fine. It shouldn’t take too long for things to unravel now.)