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It was a late night when it happened.
Steve was at home alone. He lived with Bucky since his ma died. Bucky went to work to provide for the both of them. Bucky tried his best, Steve knew that. Bucky often came home late, after eight at night, from working at the docks. He usually came home tired and slept on the couch, so that Steve could sleep on the bed.
But on that very day, Bucky didn’t come home even after it was past ten.
Steve waited up all night for him. He sat on the couch, waited for him until he came home. He sat by the dim candle light, hands on his forehead thinking of every worst scenario that could have happened to Bucky.
What if he got hit by a car? What if he got into a fight? What if he’s bleeding and lying on the cold hard floor somewhere?
Steve took his coat and put it over his white shirt and his brown pants. His clothes were old and faded, they didn’t have enough money to buy new clothes, as most of the hard earned cash was spent for household stuff.
He made sure to lock the door and kept the keys in his left pocket.
Steve walked, in the path that Bucky used to take whenever he was going to or when he was coming home from work. The road was dimly lit and smelt like mouldy air. He didn’t like it one bit and wondered how did Bucky actually walk in this road everyday.
Steve paid attention to every single thing that was on his left and right. People who lived in the streets with the cardboard boxes and old clothing as shelter and small, scrawny animals that resembled his own body, were all visible. He walked a bit further, and even noticed some women standing in smaller back alleys, in skin tight clothing and bright red lipstick. They looked at him, like how a tiger would toward its prey, with eyes sharp and watching his every step.
His pace quickened until he reached a brighter part of the road. There were a few shops that were closed. He walked on until the end, where bright lights were shining out through its entrance. It was a bar. He could hear loud laughter and people shouting across the whole place.
Steve was even more curious when suddenly there was a loud commotion, as if people were fighting. He tried to peek into the place, he made slow but confident footsteps.
Steve saw young man being shoved towards the wall, he was a bit built and muscular. Steve couldn’t see his face, but he could recognise him. The brown hair was just far too familiar to him.
“Bucky?”
The brunette turned his head and looked right into his eyes. The man who threw him against the wall also looked at Steve.
“Steve? W-What are ya doin’ here?” Bucky’s Brooklyn accent was thick, which was heightened by how drunk he was, but it was easily understood by Steve. He’s heard Bucky talk to him every day and he could understand the slurred words easily.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”
“You leave him alone.” Steve yelled at the man. The loud and noisy atmosphere was slowly softened when the crowd saw a petite man trying to fight someone who was twice his size.
“Steve, go away. You’re not in this mess. Go.”
“No. Not without you.”
The man looked at Bucky and then at Steve. “You two fairies?”
“WHAT??!! NO!!!” Bucky shouted back.
“Fairy or not, he does seem important to you. So I’ll tell you what, I’ll take him until you pay my money back, you son of a bitch.”
“ NO.” Bucky pushed the man, he applied every bit of strength he had left. “YOU LAY A FINGER ON HIM AND YOU’LL BE DEAD,” Bucky threatened.
~
When Steve and Bucky reached home, both men were covered in dry blood all over their faces. Steve fumbled with the keys when he was opening the door.
They sat down beside each other on the tattered sofa. Steve laid his head on the soft spongy material and closed his eyes. His head was spinning and he wasn’t sure whether it was due to the loss of blood or whether it was due to the low blood pressure. Bucky placed his rough hands gently onto the blonde’s hair, softly caressing them.
“You should have left when I told you to, punk.”
“And what? Leave you alone to suffer back there?”
“It could have been worse. Ya could have been hurt even more.”
“I’ve been beaten up all my life, Buck. I don’t one more time isn’t going to matter to me.”
“It does to me.”
“Why should it?”
“Because I care about ya. I don’t want to see ya in pain. Especially if it’s not worth yer time.”
“Bucky..”
“I can’t okay. I hate it when I can’t protect ya.”
Steve looked back at Bucky. His eyes fixated at the brunette’s blue green eyes. For some reason, Steve realised that Bucky was beautiful, for a man, not just handsome, but beautiful. He moved closer until his lips pressed against Bucky’s. He didn’t know what he was thinking, but at that moment, it seemed like the right thing to do, to kiss the one person who cared so much about you and vice versa.
Bucky didn’t pull back. He kissed Steve, his tongue made way into the blonde’s mouth. His hands were all over Steve’s cheeks, slowly rubbing the skin. Bucky wasn’t sure if the alcohol was the reason he actually kissed Steve or because he had been craving for a chance to do so subconsciously.
Bucky’s stubble were roughly brushed against Steve’s face. It hurt Steve a little bit, being coarse and all, but Steve liked it. Steve’s seen dames kiss men before, hell, he’s seen girls kiss Bucky before. He followed the way that they would stretch their hands over his neck and how their fingers would get entangled in his sweaty brown hair.
Steve could taste the strong whiskey in Bucky’s mouth.
Bucky could hear the man’s words in his head, calling him and Steve fairies. He was pretty sure they were just friends, brothers who’d watch each other’s back. He said he wasn’t queer and the thought of being one was wrong, but now, it just seemed quite the contrary. He liked it. He liked kissing his best friend.
Even if it was Steve who started the kiss, he was the one who wanted to stop first. Bucky didn’t want to stop the bliss he was feeling. He had never felt like it before, he’s never actually had this much of a spark with a woman before. When he kissed Steve, it was different.
It just felt right. Right for all the wrong reasons.
Eventually Bucky pulled away, when he realised that Steve needed to breathe.
Both men didn’t look each other in the face for a while. Steve could feel his cheeks getting warm and turning red. This was his first kiss. He was slightly happy that his first kiss was given to someone who loved from the bottom of his heart, yet slightly abashed that it was to another man.
Bucky just held his head low. He wasn’t sure what just happened. He was sure it was wrong and he could hear his thought cursing him with every word that ever existed for shaming queers.
~
“Take this money. Pay what you owe him.” Steve handed out every bit of his saving to Bucky the next day.
“It’s okay, I’ll get my..”
“I know you probably owed him the money because you had to buy medicines for me or something to feed us.” Steve knew he was right when Bucky remained silent. “Take this. For me.”