Chapter Text
- Date night at My Alibi
The My Alibi was a rundown place. Most of the chairs had no cushion left beneath the worn leather covering, but that fitted the tables which were all decorated with some knife carvings and dents from bar fights. Being comfortable was not the bars most prominent feature, but the cheap booze was. The general low light in the room made it hard to see who was sitting at the next table and the smoke from far too many cigarettes made this even worse. Yet this was probably a wanted effect as the guests of this bar liked to remain unseen, because the name of the establishment itself was not random. Whenever a cop asked some low ranking criminal in Gotham where they had been on a particular night, just saying ‘I was at the My Alibi, just ask the guys’ was a save getaway. Because in a criminal ridden place like that SOMEONE would just lie for you and say they definitely drank with you all night long…only to later come by and collect your gratitude in form of some coins. Along with the watered down drinks and the brutal barkeeper, it was the very essence of Gothams criminal underground.
It was a shady place for shady people.
Yet Abner connected many pleasant memories with this place. He had often come here with his buddies, his squad. They had promised each other to stay in contact after Corto Maltese and it mostly worked. Even Robert joined in mostly, no matter how often he had to remind Harley that his name was not Milton. Only Rick had trouble coming by sometimes. While meeting at the My Alibi had many benefits for the criminals in their group, like anonymity and an environment where no one cared if a large shark sat with you, it was a different situation for a US colonel.
This was also the place where he had his first real date! In fact, he was on a date right now! It just didn't run so smoothly…
The raven-haired man swirled his colorful drink around, watching the sugar coating at the rim dissolve and sweeten the beverage even more. After a few attempts at drinking, he decided the strong liquors weren’t for him – they tasted just bad and upset his stomach. The sweet cocktails with the fruity decoration were much more to his liking. Look and taste wise. The tricky part was that the sugar masked the taste of alcohol, so naturally you would drink more of it. While he had rarely been piss drunk, he had grown familiar to the feeling of being tipsy.
'In vino veritas', the middle aged man thought.
It seems there was some truth to that - if you called just spilling your unfiltered thoughts truthful. The combination of sugar and booze made his head feel fuzzy and more importantly, it made Abner Krill run his mouth more than usual. Be it that he told the new barmaid 'I turn people into my mother in my head and kill them' when he was asked what he did for a living (damn Abner sucked at small talk) or that he just info-dumped on his date - by telling him the statistics on the most common STD's in the united states. The rant was over before he realized this wasn't an appropriate topic on a date night.
The blush on his face was making him glow slightly due to his condition, which made the smoke surrounding them even more visible. Really, Abner was so glad this was far from their first date, because otherwise the man sitting across from him would have left, Abner was sure of it.
Instead, the scruffy man took another long sip from his beer and starred at him with wide eyes. The many golden chains around his neck were the only thing polished about him, even on a date night.
“Blimey. This makes sex sound a lot more dangerous, mate. And gross."
Digger scrunched up his nose and shook himself before he continued.
"It didn’t answer my question though, but if you don’t wanna tell how many people you had sex with that’s cool! ‘was just curious really.”
Abners speech was just a tiny bit slurred but full sentences still came to him easily.
“I didn’t have sex with many people before I met you. Just two really…I wanted to explain why it isn’t a good idea to have many different sexual partners in a short period of time. It makes the chances of coming in contact with a disease way higher. I wanted you to know so you might understand why I only had so few... You often can't see if someone is a carrier and if you're not careful you will get infected. I mean you can prevent a lot by using protection, yet there is always a bit of a risk left.”
He gestured wildly through the dusty air, fanning some of the smoke towards his boyfriend in the process.
Digger just blinked at him and shrugged his wide shoulders.
“I fucked around a lot. Like a real man whore. Guess I’m just lucky I never caught anything- was totally worth it by the way! No risk no fun, eh?” He leaned back in his chair and grinned nonchalantly at Abner, the grayish undershirt he wore fitted way too tight. Abner knew the other man wore it with intention.
“But ya know I am a very precautious man! I always used protection of course.”
The foam from his beer slowly dripped out of his mustache and onto that stupid shirt.
Abner raised a thick eyebrow. He knew for a fact that this was not true- and not only from his own sexual encounters with Captain Boomerang.
“How do you explain Owen then?”
Boomerang rolled his wolfish grey eyes at him, but Abner could tell he was smirking into his unkempt beard.
“…could be that I forgot it from time to time…but I can’t say that I regret not finding a rubber back then." The smirk turned into a genuine smile. "The little dickhead is among the best fucking accidents I ever caused.”
This made Abner smile in return. No matter how the little guy managed to bring Digger to his wits end time and time again, it was obvious how much Digger loved his son. Yet he had a hard time admitting that to others as he feared it would make him appear soft and make Owen vulnerable. Abner was aware how much it meant that Digger spoke so openly about his affection for his son to him. It made the metas heart beat a little faster to know how much the man trusted him. 'He IS your boyfriend, of course he trusts you more than others. You two worked hard on that.' Abner reminded himself.
“Owen really is a happy little accident. But about the diseases, you can be glad you never got sick. I tried to avoid catching anything…I mean one virus really is enough. Hahaha!”
Digger had drowned the rest of his beer while Abner talked.
“You sure that’s the real reason? Weren’t you…*burb* …you were controlled as a kid and teen by yer mum, or so you told me. Got tested and experimented on until you broke free; had to stay in her lab a lot. Even as a young adult. Hard to meet people there I bet.”
Abners face fell as he was found out.
“Yes…that might have been a reason too."
Just like Digger had shared his feelings about his son with Abner, the raven haired had shared many details from his past with the thief. The more he told Digger about the things he missed out on during his early years, the more the blonde tried to recreate those experiences for him.
That was probably why he took him out on dates so often. And Abner loved how Digger gifted him with all those small but meaningful experiences. They were simple things, like visiting places like fun parks and zoos, binge watching a series, eating midnight pizza, having sleepovers, driving around in a (stolen) car or going to a bar with your boyfriend and being among people; it made him feel normal while he definitely wasn't normal.
"And there is the fact that I grow glowing blisters and lumps on my body that make me very insecure and afraid to get naked in front of other people.”
Digger grinned at him and licked the remaining foam from his upper lip. Abners brown doe eyes were transfixed on that long tongue. The Aussie even made a show out of licking his golden tooth, knowing full well that this made Abners mind go places.
“Oh darlin! I happen to adore your naked body! Always makes me very happy when I see it. In fact, I’ve been daydreaming about it on our way here. I just can’t get enough of it. Of you! You’re like straight out of a…uhm…a fairytale! You’re a wet dream come true!”
Now he was really glowing with his blush! Yeah, he could tell how much Digger liked seeing him naked. And it happened quite often lately. They were dating; of course they would sleep together more often! Not that this made Abner crave it any less, the opposite really. After all, sex with Captain Boomerang turned out way better than his reputation would suggest.
People used to tell him Digger was selfish and kind of an asshole. Well, he was, but not towards Abner and never in bed. Digger was not a perfect man, far from it, but he was a lot more than Abner thought he could have.
The thief turned out to be a very passionate and eager lover – always making sure to please and hoping to be praised in return for his efforts. Sadly, the bulky man would refuse to admit to it, saying it was all about proving how much of a man he was that could make his partner nut; Abner however figured him out.
Discovering Diggers praise kink was like finding a hidden treasure! Abner was so surprised – and somewhat proud - how easily he could make the criminal aroused and sometimes even outright needy. Really, a few praises and gentle caresses in the right mood and Digger melted like butter into his waiting arms; in return, this gave Abner a sense of self-esteem and autonomy (dare he even say potency?) that he had never experienced before.
It was him who made the thief purr like an overgrown kitten-
him who could make Digger go so wild with lust that he forgot all reservations (Abner loved it, feeling boneless and fucked silly afterwards)-
and it was him who controlled the pace when he sat in Diggers lap and…he was drifting off.
Still, the conversation was getting into a better direction; maybe they could still make this date work and save the mood. Abner smiled in his own shy way and twisted a black strand of hair around his finger in an attempt to flirt. His fringe really needed a trim.
“Why don’t you tell me about it? Your dream I mean.”
“My wet dream? Ohhh it was lewd, believe me little darlin! You were laying handcuffed on a big bed in my fancy villain layer, red velvet sheets and shit, and you were mewling so sweetly when I-“
“Stop! Nonono! Maybe-fuck-uhm…not in public!...maybe something else? HAHAHA, uhm, you…tell me a story. Just a story please.” Abner looked like he was a minute away from exploding, with his fire red blush and tight smile. And he was – in a good way! His slender, sweaty hands were clutching his boyfriend’s coarse hands tightly, like he was an anchor to hold him in place. If Digger continued with his dirty talk Abner would have a hard problem soon.
Said man smiled smugly and rubbed his calloused thumbs over soft, off colored skin. “Another story mh? Let’s see…how about…a fairytale?”
“A fairytale? Will you read me a bedtime story now Mister Harkness?” The mood was playful, this, Abner could handle. His laugh felt less nervous now. He had always been fond of fairytales actually. A lot of good memories with his siblings had to do with them.
“It is definitely a tale I would tell you in bed, don’t worry. So…it is called…the unicorn!”
“Why am I not surprised?”
“Be quite and listen! So, there are two unicorns actually, one is big, pink and beautiful, and the other is just a very handsome bloke with a mighty magic…horn.”
“Let me guess? He hailed from a land were kangaroos and koalas can be found?”
“You never told me your dots gave you mind reading abilities.”
After Abner was done rolling his eyes and huffing Digger continued.
“So, the handsome unicorn bloke comes across a really cute and lonely-
“Knight!”
“What!? Why a knight?”
“I always wanted to be a knight!”
“You always wanted to be a – Abner this is not about you, it’s about the unicorn bloke and he meets no knight, he meets a really sexy sorcerer.”
“Okay, being a sorcerer sounds cool too.”
“See? The Captain makes the best stories! So the sorcerer, he had the gift of…dots…but you see, he was always lonely in his dark tower and he was so bored and sad…until the unicorn dude climbs his tower and uses his horn to fill him with happiness. Oh and Pinky moves in with them too. The end.”
“That is…that is an interesting way to paraphrase things.”
“...”
“You don’t know what paraphrase means, do you Digger?”
“Yes I do!”
“Explain it to me than.”
“You wish! You don’t know yourself, you are just testing me Abby.”
Abner let out a goodhearted laugh. It was beyond his understanding how Digger pulled this off, being ignorant but oh so charming at the same time. He took a sip from his way too sweet cocktail and licked his lips like Digger had done before. Just like he anticipated, it caught the man’s attention.
Abner smiled over the rim of his drink.
“No matter what…that was a very enticing story. It makes me wonder if we should turn this into a live action play sometime.”
“I would be so on board! Did I mention that unicorn blokes and sexy sorcerers are naked in my fairytales? And I mean, we both know to what kinda horn I was referring yes?”
“Digger! You are so lecherous! Go to horny jail!” Abner was laughing by now, amused and also horny.
“You are one to talk? I’ll rat you out to the judge and then you’d have to go to horny jail with me!”
“You would snitch on your own boyfriend?”
“I’ll make it up to him once we are moved into our own little cell.”
Abners long finger traced the rim of his glass while he starred into the others grey eyes. He felt ready to engage the next phase of their date routine.
“I know it’s still early, but do you want to go home? We are both still sober enough…which is good.”
Cleary enticed by the offer, the Aussie smirked, his golden tooth made his grin even dirtier and outright sexy!
"Oh? What could be waiting there for me? And what is it that would require me to be sober?"
Abner mumbled while his face glowed red.
"Me naked?"
This was the usual way they ended their dates and the little routine made Abner feel safe. Go to a bar, drink a bit, talk, get each other horny and go home to do something about it. And there was an unspoken rule between them during date nights: stay somewhat sober for the main event. He had never tried anything with Digger when the man was drunk as a skunk, no matter how much the swaying Aussie would beg and complain. And as a matter of fact, Abner himself always made sure to not get too drunk!
Digger was about to say yes and start their routine, when he was tackled off his chair by a blonde women with pigtails and glittery makeup. Now that was an unusual guest for the My Alibi! The higher ranking rouges normally went to the iceberg lounge. Harley Quinn would only come here for their squad meetings. So why was she here tonight? And how long had she been at it already? Abner swore he saw the athletic crime-princess sway.
“BOOMER!! POKEY!!! It’s so good to see ya!”
“Harls for fucks sake we are on a date! Fuck off!!!” Digger sounded more desperate than angry. He worried for his fun-time! But the former psychiatrists just rubbed her cheek to his whish caused some glitter to rub off on the man. Great, now he had to get that shit out of his beard later!
“Oh shooo! Don’t talk like that! You and Abby need ta come with me to my table! I cashed out tonight so it’s my treat!”
That had Diggers expression change from sour to interested.
“Your treat ya say? Well HELLO craziness my girl!”
Abner lightly tipped Harley on the shoulder and gave Digger a stern look.
“Actually, we were about to go home.”
Harley did not take no for an answer! She got off of Boomer and pulled Abner to his feet, her arm around his shoulder to show him her table. A bunch of women in typical vigilante outfits sat there. These must be the birds of prey Harley talked about so often.
“Look Abs, Abby-baby, Polkie, Dotty, Absteeeeer! I am here, celebrating with my lady friends, and I always wanted them to meet my squad! We are gonna paaardy tonight and I want you guys to be part of it!”
She batted her long dark eyelashes at him, a stark contrast to her blue eyes. Abner noticed that her mascara was smeared.
Digger was already at the birds table, earning him very sharp glares from a middle aged Latina lady. Hey…he had seen her…somewhere…wasn’t she a cop once?
“Pretty please Abby? Just one or two drinks with yer old friend Harley! I will let you guys go home and have your couple fun after that, I swear! You won’t regret it!" She smirked impishly and nudged Abner with her pointy elbows. Ow. "Or are you a party pooper?”
Abner let out a long sigh and blamed the cocktail for his decision.
“Fine! We will sit with you for a bit. What could possibly go wrong?”