Work Text:
When Childe woke up, he immediately felt something was off. Blinking awake, he squinted, taking in his surroundings. As far as he remembered, he had fallen asleep in his childhood room back in his family home in Snezhnaya, a small fire heating up the little, predominantly wooden room. Teucer, who had clung to him all day, had fallen asleep next to him snuggling his Mr Cyclops plushie and Childe didn’t have the heart to risk waking him by moving him, giving up most of the bed to his sibling as he himself fell asleep to the sound of the wind rattling the frost-painted windows and the crackling of the fire.
This was not that room. Any familiar, pine furniture was replaced with sandbearer and cuihua wood, all trees he recognised easily from his stay in Liyue. This, he guessed, although he didn’t know how it was possible, was where he found himself. Secondly, he noticed the bed was much wider than his own, a king size bed if he could guesstimate correctly. Faintly, behind him he could hear the light breathing of someone asleep, not recognising it as any of his siblings. Tensing up, he became promptly aware of his own undressed state, only feeling a pair of boxers cover his lower half, his chest seizing. How intoxicated would he have had to be to get from Snezhnaya to Liyue, partake in a night of revelry and forget all of it? It was impossible, and yet he couldn’t find another possibility to explain it, all the while simultaneously afraid and curious to check who the person peacefully sleeping beside him was.
Curiosity got the better of him. Turning over onto his back, he swallowed hard, glancing over. When he did, he almost tumbled out of the bed, heart lodging in his throat. The shared duvet was tugged sharply, and the sleeping man’s brows furrowed for a moment before he stirred awake and Childe was met with an unmistakable, smiling pair of golden eyes. For a second, Childe forgot how to breathe. Zhongli sat up an inch, propping up his head on the palm of his hand.
“Good morning, Ajax.”
“Mr Zhongli,” Childe breathed out, unsure if his voice was working the way it should. Zhongli’s brow furrowed, an amused chuckle leaving his throat as he moved closer. Childe could only stare as the Archon wrapped his arms around his torso, hot skin on hot skin, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. When Zhongli placed a fleeting peck right below Childe’s ribcage, the Snezhnayan thought he would either scream, implode, or both.
“That takes me back,” Zhongli murmured into the skin, trailing another kiss above the one he had just left, butterflies fighting to break out of Childe’s gut with every touch. “Although I do believe we have long gone past the formalities, bǎobèi.”
Childe couldn’t take it anymore. Although he didn’t exactly know the meaning of the word, he was sure he had heard Liyuen couples using it in the past and could guess the implications. Heart racing as though it was about to burst through his chest, he peeled Zhongli’s arm off himself, breath catching in his throat leaving him lightheaded. As he did, he saw Zhongli’s smile dissipate, leaving behind only a glance of concern so tender that Childe couldn’t help but want him to look away, a confused pain threatening to wrack his body. He enjoyed a challenge and welcomed unprecedented situations, but this was quickly becoming too much. Forcing a smile onto his face as the other sat up to be on eye-level with him, waiting patiently for Childe to speak his thoughts first, Childe couldn’t help but laugh.
“Mr Zhongli,” Childe licked his lips, playing with the rim of the duvet to garner his thoughts. “As much as I’m flattered, this is all a lot to get my head around.” Lifting his eyes to meet Zhongli’s, and he took a deep breath and asked, “What happened last night?”
Thoroughly confused, Zhongli scanned Childe’s face for any signs the Harbinger could be joking. Finding nothing, he attempted to cup Childe’s face, holding back when Childe flinched. Instead, he straightened out his posture, worry lining his face as he mirrored the Snezhnayan in his bed.
“It was a normal night,” he replied, and Childe held onto every word that left his lips like a lifeline. “We both came home, we had dinner, we slept together then rested for the night. Is there something wrong, Ajax?”
With how matter-of-fact the other sounded, it was as though he truly did believe that was a normal night for the two of them. Childe couldn’t agree less. Although they had exchanged letters, Childe hadn’t seen the Archon since the Osial incident, his hunt for the Balladeer keeping him pleasantly preoccupied. He couldn’t say he did not think about Zhongli often, because he did, often reminded of the other by random trinkets he found on his travels, but to claim that acting like a married couple was the norm for the two of them… That was not an extent Childe was willing to agree to.
Feeling like he was going to hyperventilate, he asked, “How is that a normal night?”
Now Zhongli looked beyond concerned. Zhongli took Childe’s face in his hands, his fingertips smooth yet strong like well-polished marble, and Childe locked his jaw, trying to look for answers in Zhongli’s face as much as Zhongli searched for them in his. Seeming to find something, with the calmest tone he could muster, the Archon asked, “Childe, where are you right now?”
“Liyue?” Childe answered, laughing awkwardly, unsure what the other was asking.
The Archon shook his head, the long locks of umber and ochre swaying with his movement. Thinking for a second, Zhongli reworded, “When are you right now?”
Blinking a few times, Childe took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, trying again to answer. When was he? What could that mean? “About a year and a half since Osial,” he answered, watching Zhongli’s face desperately as though those eyes and that mouth held the answers to every question and doubt he might have. When Zhongli’s eyes widened, Childe’s heart hammered, feeling like he had just given the wrong answer in class. “Isn’t that right?”
“Childe,” Zhongli appeared to be struggling with the name, as though he had to put mental effort into using it. Childe prepared for whatever was coming next, yet still felt like a vase that shattered as it hit the floor as he heard the next words. “That happened a decade ago.”
Now wearing a rich, chocolate coloured robe, Zhongli brought Childe tea as the other sat on the sofa - their sofa - attempting to make heads and tails of the situation. Pinching himself, Childe had proven that this was not all some strange, realistic dream. Taking the cup in both his hands to warm them, he breathed in the scent of Oolong and glanced up at the other gratefully. The sleeping gown he’d been given fit perfectly around his body, wrapped tightly in a comforting way. It took him a moment to realise this was because it did, in fact, belong to him - or, well, the other him. Staring into his tea, he wondered where to start, uncharacteristically at a loss for words.
Taking a seat on a chair opposite him, Zhongli took his own tea, sipping it as he watched Childe with an unnerving calmness. Fidgeting, Childe tried to smile but he wasn't sure it was particularly convincing.
"So," Childe laughed, trying to clear the heavy air and at the same time attempt to forget he was now in his thirties, "How long have we been dating?"
"We got married last year," Zhongli replied, and Childe managed to catch the wistfulness in his expression. Meanwhile, he imagined his own must have been a storm. They were married? As though reading his thoughts, Zhongli raised his arm, pointing to his ring finger. A band adorned it, and looking down at his own hand Childe noticed he had a matching ring that he hadn't paid attention to before other than to twist it on and off nervously. Tiny cor lapis stones adorned the ring's outer edge, and when he looked at Zhongli's hand again he noticed the man's had a matching design made out of noctilucous jades.
"We're married," Childe repeated, his throat feeling dry all of a sudden. He tried to sip his tea, almost burning his tongue as he tried to parse the information. Zhongli nodded, gaze unwavering on Childe's face as he let Childe process.
"We're married and we live together."
"That is correct."
A thought occurred to Childe then, and he started, scaldingly hot tea almost spilling over the lip of his cup. Eyes wide, he looked at Zhongli desperately, his heart once again hammering.
"The Tsaritsa, the Harbingers-"
"Many have passed, I'm afraid. Not all, but most. I'm sorry."
Flopping against the sofa's backrest, Childe bored his eyes into the ceiling. A humourless laugh escaped Childe, and he sighed, an empty smile pulling the corners of his mouth.
"That traveller… I always knew they were strong, but to think they could rival her Majesty," looking back in the other's direction, he asked, "Did they find their sibling in the end?"
"I am unsure. One day, they disappeared, as did the Abyssal beings. I can only assume they were reunited. That was many years ago."
An ache burned in Childe's chest, and he let out, "I see," as he tried to come to terms with the way the world around him had changed completely in the span of a single night. Letting out a shaking breath, he tried to smile in Zhongli's direction, a feeling of guilt pricking at his conscience. While it was weird for him, he could only imagine what it was like for the other, his lover having forgotten almost a decade of his life. "I'm sorry I'm not your Childe."
Zhongli shifted slightly, sitting up. "Don't be," he smiled, and Childe thought about how lucky this other him was to have someone as understanding in his life forever. "It's interesting to be reminded of the way you were when we first met. Nostalgic, I think you could call it."
"Do I change that much," Childe chuckled, having a drink.
"In some ways more than others," Zhongli explained, "You never lose your will to fight, but you are certainly more mature and settled, less impulsive."
Pushing down how weird it was to hear himself be talked about this way, Childe clung onto the way Zhongli spoke. Every word was as soft spoken as he remembered from the last time he had heard the Archon's voice, only an affection laced it, and Childe felt a fire ignite in his body as though each thing Zhongli said was a spark and he was the tinder. He hadn't considered the other as more than an associate and, perhaps, friend whose company he enjoyed keeping, and definitely didn't toy with the idea of Zhongli feeling any different about him. And yet, this Zhongli, ten years apart, seemed to prove all those notions wrong.
"You really love him, don't you?" Childe whispered when Zhongli's voice came to a lull, feeling a flush building as he realised the implications of his words. You really love me.
"I do," Zhongli smiled warmly. "Talking to him is an activity I could never tire of."
A silence fell over them as they finished their drinks, Childe feeling the awkwardness acutely. This was a lovely life; he was certain his future self was happy and loved, and he was glad. But this wasn't his life, and this wasn't his Zhongli. Even if in Zhongli's 6000 year long life a decade was no time at all, it was enough to turn him into a beautiful stranger for Childe.
"Well, as much as it usually pleases me to wile the morning away, I feel we should begin our day." Zhongli stood up, taking Childe's empty cup and placing it in the kitchen. Childe, hugging his own sides, followed after him like a lost puppy, unsure what a usual day for him was supposed to look like. What did settled, stable Childe- Ajax, he had heard Zhongli call him - do in his free time?
"I suppose you would like some privacy getting changed?" Zhongli inquired, and Childe laughed awkwardly, the implications of the question needing to be asked clearer than the waters of Snezhnaya's lakes.
"If you don't mind."
"Of course not," Zhongli shook his head. "It's nothing I have not seen, but I appreciate the reality of the situation."
Flushing, Childe excused himself, fumbling his way to their bedroom. Halfway there, he realised he didn't exactly know which clothes were his, ten years probably changing his tastes, but he decided to not worry about it needlessly. Opening the wardrobe, he found a neatly ordered garderobe of outfits he had never seen before, just as he had feared. Following his gut, he picked out a shirt and trousers, hoping. As he finished putting on the outfit, he dared to glance at the mirror in the corner of the room. For a moment, his breath stopped in his throat.
He looked older. He shouldn't have been surprised, knowing he was ten years his own senior right now, but it was one thing to acknowledge it and be shown proof. This version clearly had seen more fights, a group of scars lining his face, his jaw harder, face longer. Any traces of young adulthood were grown out of.
Strange was the only word he could use to describe how it felt to look into the mirror. Clearly it was him, he could recognise himself anywhere. But at the same time it was a version of himself he had never seen, an undeniable discomfort and sense of loss hanging in his chest.
When he walked out, Zhongli was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, the smell of eggs wafting towards him. Hearing footsteps, the Archon glanced up, an amused smile on his lips, and Childe groaned.
"It's your shirt, right?"
"It suits you," Zhongli complimented him, turning back to his cooking. About to settle himself at the kitchen table, Childe hesitated for a moment. Making a decision, he asked,
"Would you like some help?"
"Sit down, Ajax," Zhongli replied, and Childe stared at him for a brief moment. Realising, Zhongli amended, "Apologies. Childe."
"It's fine," Childe assured him, falling down onto a kitchen chair, attempting to ignore the flutter in his chest at hearing that name come out of Zhongli's lips once again. "It's just," he swallowed, trying to find the words, coming up with nothing eloquent. "Odd."
"I can imagine, it is rather strange for me as well." Setting a plate of eggs in front of Childe, he took a seat opposite him. "Eat. We'll go for a walk after, I can answer any other questions you may have then."
That definitely has not changed, Childe thought happily, beginning to eat. If nothing else, Zhongli was like stone, altered by the elements but ultimately the same despite it. Comforted, he smiled, finishing his breakfast.
Once he did, Zhongli kept his promise. They set out through the streets of Liyue Harbor, Childe grateful for the familiarity of the city that had worked its way into his heart. There were some faces he recognised vaguely, others not at all. Poor Granny Shan had passed away a few years ago, her toy stall no longer a beloved feature of Liyue Harbor's shopping district, but otherwise the stores stayed mostly the same. As they passed Wanmin restaurant, it took him a few moments to recognise the chef, the girl now grown into an enthusiastic young lady. She greeted him merrily, and he couldn't help but feel he was deceiving her as he made conversation.
Much too perceptive for her own good, the girl pointed out how strange the distance between the two of them as they walked was, Childe feeling his body temperature rise. Were they usually lovebirds in public? Not noticing this distress, she asked worriedly,
"You aren't fighting, are you?"
"Not at all, Miss Xiangling," Zhongli assured her with a courteous smile. Childe wasn't sure she believed him, but she dropped it, letting them leave with a promise they would visit again soon.
As they continued on, Childe bit down his nerves that threatened to fray. Ignoring his flushed face that felt like he was being boiled alive, he asked, "Are we usually touchy in public?"
"Certainly more than right now," Zhongli agreed, and Childe once again felt drowned by guilt. Sensing this, Zhongli placed a hand on his arm, looking to Childe in reassurance. "Don't feel forced to do anything you are uncomfortable with. It's quite alright."
"I know," Childe mumbled, glaring at the ground at his feet. "It's just a lot to process."
Staying silent for a moment, Zhongli moved away, deep in thought. Finally, he said, "Come, let's take a break."
Sitting on the edge of the docks, they dipped their feet in the sea. A breeze kissed their skin, stray locks of Childe's hair tickling his face. It was around lunchtime, the docks empty except for them, and Childe felt alone with his thoughts again.
"What are you thinking about?" Zhongli asked quietly, and Childe had almost forgotten he was there with him. Meeting his eyes, Childe debated whether he wanted to talk about it. In the end, he saw nothing wrong with letting Zhongli, whether the one he knows or any other version of him, know his thoughts.
"I'm thinking about my family back in Snezhnaya," he admitted. If ten years had passed, then even Teucer must have grown into a teenager, the thought something Childe was unable to imagine. "My siblings must be so grown up now."
"They are," Zhongli confirmed, "Tonia has grown into a wonderful, young woman. She loves to dance and is rather skilled in it. Anton and Teucer are growing up fast as well. Teucer never lost his adventurous streak, while Anton took to writing. I've read a few of his short stories, and he has potential. You are very proud of all of them."
A melancholic smile found itself on Childe's features as he took the news in. Knowing his siblings were happy and had grown up well was a joyful thing, yet he couldn't resent missing those years of their lives and seeing them grow. If they met now, would they be complete strangers to him?
"When I last went to sleep, Teucer had fallen asleep in my bed. I didn't have it in me to have him sleep alone when he wanted to spend more time with me. The thought that he's grown up now… it's indescribable."
There were no words Zhongli could say that would heal this rift, and both of them knew that. This was not a usual situation one could fix easily, and Childe wasn't one to seek pity. Zhongli clearly understood that, though he seemed unsure how to show his understanding. Childe watched him for a moment as the other debated, until Zhongli opened his arms in invitation.
"If you are comfortable with it, I know that the you from this time enjoys hugs when he feels down."
Letting out a quiet laugh, a warm feeling like the heat of a candle flame was lit in Childe's chest, and he smiled gratefully. Wrapping his arms around Zhongli's torso, he buried his face in the other's shoulder, breathing in the scent of glaze lilies. His Zhongli smelled the same, he thought, remembering the way the scent of the flower hung in the air whenever they spent time together, gentle and sweet. This Zhongli's arms were strong and firm, holding Childe tightly with no intention of letting go, and Childe realised he had never been held like this, at least not by family. Something in his chest unravelled, and he tightened his own grip on the other, understanding his other self incredibly well.
"Thank you," he whispered, trying to keep his voice steady. Pulling away, he cleared his throat, unsure what else to say. Not expecting anything, Zhongli simply smiled at him with half lidded eyes, and Childe felt the love in that gaze, even if it was not necessarily intended for him. Archons, his other self must be the luckiest man in Teyvat to have Zhongli look at him that way.
"Shall we go? There are still several shops I wish to visit on the way home."
"Sure, no problem."
As Zhongli shook the dust off his trousers and put his shoes back on, beginning to walk ahead, Childe watched the shape of his back with a feeling in his chest he was finally able to name.
Oh.
Evening was spent lazily. While Childe still did not feel at home in their shared house, he had managed to convince Zhongli to at least help out with dinner, the two happily chopping ingredients side by side. Some meat simmered on the stove, the crackling the only sound filling the silence between them. At first, Childe worried the silence was an awkward one, but quickly he realised the man at his side seemed perfectly at ease, focused on his task. It was strange not having their time together filled with either his own chatter or Zhongli's rants, but as it continued he decided he enjoyed the domesticity.
When they were done, Zhongli asked Childe to set the table which Childe did more than happily, feeling like he was repaying the hospitality he was being shown all day. Dinner itself went just as smoothly, the two chatting as though there was nothing strange between them, Zhongli a fountain of knowledge that Childe was more than happy to absorb. For a moment, he forgot where and when he was, occupied with good company.
The problems returned the moment the dishes were cleared away. As though some spell was broken, the two of them seemed to remember this was not the person they were used to, Zhongli coming to a stop by the couch with a look of longing that made Childe's gut wrench.
"How do you usually spend your evenings?" he asked as softly as he knew how, trying to understand his relationship with the other.
"Most often, we sit on the sofa together and enjoy each other's company."
Even without asking, Childe knew the other meant more than sitting on the opposite sides of the loveseat making conversation. Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, he thought about it deeply. Remembering the way the other had touched him in the morning, strong hands warm and tender, he wondered if it would be so bad to at least try. Swallowing, he made the decision.
"I can't kiss you," he said too quickly, feeling himself grow warm again, "But if you wanted to cuddle, I… could try?"
The offer came out more unsure than he had intended. Staring at him in surprise for a while, Zhongli finally moved, his brows knitted tightly.
"You oughtn't force yourself," he urged, "I understand it could be awkward for you to fulfill this role."
"M- Zhongli," Childe forced himself to drop the formality, and Zhongli looked up at the correction with a kindly amusement, "It's fine, honestly. I wouldn't suggest it otherwise."
"If you are certain," Zhongli conceded, taking a seat. Patting the sofa cushion by his side, he beckoned the Snezhnayan over, and Childe obeyed, settling himself by him. He had never cuddled with anyone who wasn't his sibling before, and he wasn't sure how to go about it, feeling the awkwardness seep into his soul almost immediately. For a second, he almost backed out.
Featherlight fingers made points of contact against his shoulders, and he felt himself be pulled down until his head rested against Zhongli's collarbone. The other sunk into the cushions, a hand absentmindedly running through Childe's hair, the sensation more pleasant than the other expected.
"Relax," Zhongli murmured, and almost as though that was a magic word, Childe felt his muscles loosen, the rhythmic beating of Zhongli's heart underneath him steady and unyielding. If he closed his eyes, he was sure he would fall asleep.
"I'm sorry I'm not him," he murmured sleepily, his eyelids drooping. A low chuckle rumbled in Zhongli's chest, the fingers drawing small shapes in Childe's scalp.
"It's not your fault."
"I hope we swap back," Childe yawned, nestling into the pleasant warmth, feeling his consciousness fading away. "So he can tell you how much he loves you too."
If this was the future he was destined for, maybe everything would turn out alright in the end. With that thought, he drifted off to sleep surrounded by the smell of glaze lilies.
When he woke up, birds were singing outside the little window. Stretching, he groaned, feeling stiff and achy. For a moment, he didn't notice he was back in his own bed, a familiar little body burrowed in the sheets beside him. However the moment he saw Teucer's face, he was fully awake. He was back.
Getting up as quietly as possible, he found his letter parchment, inkwell and pen from his supplies. Addressing the letter, he thought of golden eyes and velvety tones, remembered the way being held felt like. Maybe he wasn't in love with Zhongli, at least not yet, but with complete certainty he knew it had been too long since he had talked to the other face to face.
Maybe this was one fall he was willing to take.
Dipping the pen in the ink, he began to write.