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Remus was lying unmoving in his bed one morning. His eyes were open, but his expression was blank.
James was the first to say something about it.
“You feeling alright, Moony?” He asked. Remus made no effort to respond, just blinked slowly and stared at the ceiling.
“Moony?” Sirius repeated as he woke, wiping the sleep from his eyes. They got their robes on and waited expectantly for Remus to do the same so they could all go down to breakfast together.
“Go without me.” Remus managed to mutter without looking at them.
Sirius and James exchanged worried glances and reluctantly did as their friend asked. Sirius, James, and Peter left and Remus was relieved that they were gone for a moment. He felt like he couldn’t breathe if anyone was looking at him. There was an ache though, deep down that didn’t lessen at all He was tired deep in his bones, exhausted but not sleepy. No amount of sleep could fix what's wrong with me, he thought. He couldn’t sleep or eat or do much of anything. It took all of his energy to keep existing, there wasn’t any left over for anything else. The other boys had seen Remus feeling ill plenty of times, usually just before or after a full moon. This was different. None of them had ever seen him like this before.
“It’s strange though, the next moon isn’t for two weeks yet.” Peter pointed out as the three of them sat down in the Great Hall for breakfast.
“I wonder what’s gotten into him,” said James.
Sirius started plucking food off the table and putting it into a napkin, and then he slipped the napkin into his pocket. James and Peter stared at him but Sirius only shrugged.
“What? He’s got to eat!” Sirius said defensively.
It was purely out of concern for his friend, he told them. When James and Peter went to their first classes, Sirius went back to the dormitory to find Remus in the exact same position.
“I brought you some food,” Sirius said, placing the napkin on Remus’ bedside table. Remus didn’t react at all. Sirius sat down on the edge of the bed. “What’s the matter, Moons?”
“Just leave me alone.” He grumbled, turning on his side to avoid making eye contact with Sirius. Sirius didn’t move.
“Remus, you’re scaring me,” Sirius pleaded. He crossed his arms resolutely. “I’m not leaving.”
Remus sighed deeply and rolled back over. The worry in Sirius’ eyes sent a wave of guilt through him. He was too tired to argue.
“Okay.” Sirius laid down next to Remus and put his arm around him. He could feel the werewolf’s heart beating, slow and steady.
Sirius loved Remus more than words, that is to say, he didn’t know which words to use. He wasn’t sure exactly what it meant or how he felt but he knew he would lie there with him forever if that’s what it took for Remus to feel better. James and Peter came back to the dormitory during lunch, and James asked to speak to Sirius about some assignments he’d missed in divination class.
“Divination is bollocks anyway, James.” Sirius protested as he slowly careened out of bed and walked over to the other side of the room.
"How is he? Do you know what’s wrong with him?" He demanded. James hadn’t meant for the words to come out as forceful as they had, he was only worried about Moony.
Sirius looked back at Remus, lying motionless in bed. He shook his head.
"I wish I knew how to help him.” He sighed but pulled his eyes away from Remus. “You really ought to go to class or you'll be behind,” James told him, handing him a textbook.
Sirius’s temper flared and he felt his face go red. It was as if he’d told him to slit poor Moony’s throat.
“I’m not leaving him in this state! Are you mental?”
Peter, who was now sitting on Remus’ bed talking softly to him, shot a glare at Sirius for shouting. Peter got up and walked over to the other two boys.
“Should we tell someone, maybe? Like, Pomfrey or McGonagall?” He suggested.
“Tomorrow,” Sirius negotiated. “If he’s not better tomorrow, we’ll tell someone. Otherwise, we risk embarrassing him over nothing. You know how he is.”
“Tomorrow,” James affirmed.
Peter nodded in agreement.
Peter and James went back to the rest of their classes and Sirius stayed behind.
That night Sirius could hardly sleep, tossing and turning thinking about what would happen if tomorrow came and Moony hadn’t improved. What if he was like that forever?
What if? What if? What if?
Remus, on the other hand, slept for the first time in days. He’d been so exhausted and feeling so low, that it finally bottomed out and he succumbed to a deep restful sleep. When he woke, he saw all three of his friends standing next to his bed practically hovering over him.
“Good Morning, Moony,” Peter said gently.
“Good morning,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. He rolled out of bed and saw the other three were watching his every movement like a hawk.
“I’m okay, you guys.” He insisted. “Really.”
Peter looked relieved and James was hesitant to believe him. Sirius just stared at him in awe and wonder. Sirius was the last to leave for breakfast. He claimed that he was looking for a ring of his that had mysteriously disappeared from the drawer in his bedside table. Really he waited until it was only him and Remus. He reached out and put his hand on his shoulder, looking up at Remus with worried eyes.
“Are you sure you’re alright? Yesterday was…”
“Scary,” Remus finished for him. “I know. I’m really sorry. Thank you for staying with me.”
“Of course,” Sirius said, running his hand through his hair in an attempt to seem casual.
Remus kissed Sirius on the cheek and threw his school bag over his shoulder, walking out of the room without a word. Sirius blushed and lightly touched his fingers to the place where Remus’s lips had touched his skin.