Work Text:
Q tugged nervously at the cuffs of his jacket, running a hand through his unruly hair as he walked swiftly towards the restaurant. He was already twenty minutes late, and as much as he hated being late, he found he was often running late whenever something wasn’t work related.
He stepped inside, revelling in the warm air for a moment, before the aromas of various dishes made his nose twitch and he moved further inside. It didn’t look too bad, tables set far enough apart they allowed for some privacy from other patrons nearby. The place was decorated with warm reds and creams, and the centrepiece was a piano where a man sat shuffling though pages of music.
His attention snapped to a young woman who approached, dressed in uniform. “Ah, reservation for Tanner?”
She smiled and nodded. “Right this way, sir.”
The waitress lead him over to a table and he felt momentarily better to find only Tanner seated, smiling at him.
Q slipped off his jacket, politely declining the waitresses offer to take it, folding it over the back of seat before running his hands down his front to try and smooth out imagined wrinkles as he smiled and thanked her, glancing around the room before turning back to Tanner.
“Hello, Q.”
“Hello. I thought I was late.”
Tanner smiled. “I’m afraid it’s just us. M had to take a call. Villiers got caught up too. Moneypenny may join us later. I’m surprised you made it out.”
“Ah,” Q sighed. “That probably means more work is coming. We could have just ordered something for the office,” he muttered, nudging the cutlery and napkins to line up neatly perpendicular with the tables edge, his eyes flittering around the room. Tanner watched him with slightly raised eyebrows.
“The point was a nice quiet dinner away from work.”
Q huffed. “That’s optimistic.”
“Occasionally it’s needed.”
They lapsed into silence. Conversation was always easier with work was at the focus. Now the buzz of conversation thickened the air, and the clink of cutlery on plates cut through the din harsh and sharp.
Through it, though, Q could heard a soft melody from the piano, and he closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on the music.
“Impromptu number 3.”
“What was that?”
Q opened his eyes with a smile, “Schubert.”
Tanner nodded, and looked over to the pianist. “Do you play?”
“Yes. I started violin when I was little, but the piano became my favourite. Do you?”
“A little cello.”
Q’s smile widened. “Maybe we could play together sometime.”
“My wife had the same idea. She was a violinist, kept trying to get me to join her quartet.”
“I didn’t know you were married.”
“Divorced,” Tanner said, with a slight shrug.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It was an amicable separation. We just realised it wasn’t meant to be.”
“Work?”
Tanner hesitated a moment. “In part.”
Q nodded sombrely, quietly saying, “That’s why my relationships never seem to go anywhere.”
“It’s unfortunate, but this line of work can be consuming. Some manage to make it work, though.”
“I don’t think I can. Every time… sorry.”
“No, go on.”
“Every time, it starts out like a well, almost like a fairy tail,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Then I’m always busy, and I know I could maybe make more time, but then they want more.”
“You’re a workaholic.”
Q shrugged. “Who isn’t. But they want more of everything, and all these romantic gestures and… I’m not good at it.”
“So, you hide in work?”
He let out a small laugh. “In part? Work has always been a way out.”
“Because you don’t like romance?” Q blinked at him, an emotion flitting across his face so fast Tanner couldn’t quite make it out.
“My idea of romance is… different. This kind of thing,” he gestured to the restaurant, “It’s not me. I can play the part, if I had to, but I don’t want to be acting all the time. Outside of work, I’m not sure,” he shrugged again, looking down to where his fingers were tapping out sequences on the table, and made folded his hands over each other in an attempt to still the movement. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to be.”
“You couldn’t play the part a little to get through it?” Tanner asked softly.
Q clicked his tongue. “The Quartermaster, he knows how to shake hands and talk about work. Wesley knows how to babble about working in software development while longing for more recognition. Nathan knows how to smile and play dumb. But me, sometimes I’m not even sure who I am.” He bit his lip, and looked back up to meet Tanner’s eyes. “I’m just Q, now.”
“Is that so bad?” Tanner asked, his lips twitching into a smile. “You said it starts well.”
Q nodded, his eyes moving back to the pianist who was now playing Clair de Lune. “Yes. We’ll talk technology, games, it’ll be fun, relaxing. Then they want to take things further and I work and avoid them. Or they say I’m avoiding them, and the next thing I know they’re seeing someone else.”
Tanner gave him a sympathetic look. “Maybe you have trouble committing?”
Q shook his head. “I have trouble feeling comfortable letting someone get close.”
“Because of the job,” Tanner nodded in understanding.
“No. Even before. I’ve never understood why we can’t just be… and dates and gifts and romance, it makes it all feel transactional.” He shrugged, then hastily shook his head, catching Tanner’s eye. “Not that I think people shouldn’t do nice things for each other. But once we know each other better, and know what each other like, otherwise it’s all… it feels intrusive and manipulative. Do this or I leave you. Does that make sense?”
“It does.” Tanner sighed, and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “It’s hard to get to know someone that’s constantly working.”
“Maybe it’s just an excuse for when everything inevitably falls apart.”
“Maybe.”
Q cocked his head to the side, then grinned. “But also because I genuinely love working.”
“I noticed,” Tanner said, returning the grin.
They lapsed into silence for a minute, the sound of Schubert’s Serenade drifting through the murmur of the other patrons. Q met his eyes and opened his mouth to say something more, then hesitated, his eyes dancing around the room again. “What was the other part? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Tanner frowned. “Other part?”
“Why you divorced.”
Tanner leaned back in his chair, his face scrunched in thought for a moment.
“I’m sorry. It’s none of my business,” Q rushed to say, but Tanner waved his hand to stop him.
“It’s fine. We uh… ah… let’s say had different physical needs.”
“I don’t understand.”
Tanner shrugged and smiled. “I’m asexual. I loved her, but I don’t feel that type of attraction, and since I was often disinterest, the physical side of our relationship never really got started. Romantic evenings were my chance to show her how much I loved her, though. It made me happy to see her happy, and she was okay with that. But as I made my way up the ladder, I had less and less time for those things. For her.” His smile saddened. “She made a lot of sacrifices and compromises to be with me. It reached a point the best choice was to part ways on good terms.”
“Sorry.”
“We still talk, still friends, so it’s not too bad.” Tanner smile softened again, “Eventually you’ll meet someone, and you won’t even know when exactly you moved from friends to something more. It’s not always a moment you decide ‘Now, we’re dating’. Sometimes it just happens. When it’s with the right person.”
“If you offer up the possibility of both starting and ending a relationship without even noticing…” Q trailed off with a grimace.
“I think you’d notice.”
“How?”
Tanner shrugged. “You’d just notice. One day you realise how much time you spend together. How comfortable you are with them. That you’ve more or less moved in together without ever really deciding to. That they’ve just become a constant part of your life, and you have of theirs.”
Q blinked. “That bastard.”
“What?”
“Oh, no one, nothing.”
Tanner raised an eyebrow. “No one?”
“Honestly, he’s more like a stray cat.”
Tanner’s other eyebrow joined the first, and he was about to ask who Q was talking about when someone caught his eye. “Miss Moneypenny.”
“Hello, boys. Sorry I’m so late,” she grinned, sliding into a chair beside Q.
“No problem. We haven’t ordered yet.”
“Good. I’m hungry and in need of a drink,” she said, thanking Tanner as he handed her a menu.
Q huffed out a small laugh. “Me too.”
“So, what were you talking about?” Eve grinned at them both. “Anything interesting?”
Tanner leaned forwards with a smile. “Do you play any instruments?”
“Instruments?”
“Yes. We should see if we can’t get a little band started.”