Chapter Text
Kinn, flanked by his usual detail of guards, was walking through the foyer of the mansion to the convoy of cars waiting to take him and Porsche to their next meeting when Kim walked through the doors covered in blood, a look of cold fury in his eyes. The only indication that he was aware of his surroundings was the slight nod he gave to Chan, who nodded back to Kim before turning on his heel and heading for Khun Korn’s private elevator. And that was confirmation enough for Kinn. His younger brother was working for their father in secret.
What Kinn didn’t know though, was what had happened to make Kim walk through the main entrance of the mansion where Kinn would either see him himself or be told about his appearance. He could feel the restlessness build among the guards as the initial shock at Kim’s entrance started to wear off. Porsche, who had been walking beside him, moved a bit in front of him, blocking him and really, Porsche needed to remember that he wasn’t supposed to be doing the protecting anymore. The guards finally started to move into a protective formation around Kinn and Porsche as they’d been trained to do. He’d deal with their slow response time later.
As Kinn was about to march up to Kim and demand an explanation, a human blur shot past him, heading straight for Kim who was still standing stock still in the doorway.
It was Porsche’s yell that made him realise it was Porchay. But Chay couldn’t be stopped it seemed, as he ignored Porsche’s warning and didn’t seem to pay the guards surrounding them any mind at all, only coming to a stop when he was a few feet from Kim.
From where he stood, Kinn could see Chay take a deep breath before continuing his trajectory towards his boyfriend, with slower, careful steps, only stopping when there was about a foot of space between them. Chay raised a hand slowly, as if he was going to take Kim’s hand in his, but before he did, Kim clenched his fist. Kinn could almost hear the grind of his brother’s teeth as he worked his jaw.
“No, don’t,” a pained sound made its way past Kim’s lips as he whispered at Chay not to touch him.
Kinn felt Porsche take another step towards them, saw the tightening of fingers on triggers around them, but Porsche was stopped in his tracks when Chay abruptly turned towards them and shook his head at them. Porsche stilled but Kinn could feel the hesitation and anxiety thrumming through him. When Kinn looked again to Porchay, he found him looking straight back at him. Porchay indicated the surrounding guards with his eyes and then looked back to Kinn again. The request was clear.
Against his better judgement, Kinn ordered the guards to stand down and clear the foyer. He was confident that if Kim made a move to hurt Chay, Porsche would intervene. Plus, he really didn’t need the guards to witness anymore evidence of his brother’s undermining of his authority.
Once the guards had cleared the foyer and it was only the four of them left, Porchay turned back to Kim who was still quietly seething in fury.
“Kim, it’s me. I know you know that, but I’m reminding you that I’m here, right in front of you. Porsche and Kinn are here too but you’re safe now. I’m going to take your hand now,” Porchay said to Kim so gently he was almost whispering.
This time, Kim let Chay take his hand, but he still didn’t meet his gaze.
“That’s great, baby. Can you feel me squeezing your fingers?” Chay asked and at that, Kim’s eyes sprung to Chay’s. Kinn wasn’t even sure it had registered with him that he and Porsche were there at all.
Kim nodded in response to Chay’s question and tried to take his hand back. At the distressed sound Kim let out when Chay wouldn’t let go, Porsche once again made to move towards his brother. Kinn wasn’t sure why, but he put his arm out to stop him. And yeah, if looks could kill, Kinn would definitely be dead by Porsche’s stare right now. But before he could throw Kinn’s arm away, Porchay spoke again, still focussed entirely on Kim.
“Don’t pull away, Kim. I’m not scared, remember?” Chay asked Kim, and Kinn had the distinct impression that they’d had this conversation before. That this was a dance they’d long been practicing. How much exactly had he and Porsche missed when it came to their brothers’ relationship?
“Is any of this blood yours?” Chay’s question brought Kinn straight back to the present. He hadn’t even considered that Kim might be hurt.
Remaining basically non-verbal, Kim barely shook his head in answer, but it was enough for Chay to understand that he wasn’t injured.
“Ok, do you want to tell me what happened?” Chay prodded gently and Kinn felt himself lean forward in anticipation of the answer. Kim didn’t answer, but Kinn, Porsche and Chay watched as a shutter went down over his eyes, his face now completely blank and devoid of any emotion. Kinn would rather the fury they had been greeted with when he first arrived. The gasp he heard from Porsche next to him told him his partner felt the same.
The only one who wasn’t shocked was Chay, who was still talking quietly talking to Kim. When Kinn tuned back into the youngers’ one-sided conversation, he saw that Chay had started to lead Kim away from the foyer towards the bedroom he’d been given when he moved in. Kinn noticed that Kim’s jacket that had the worst of the blood on it had been dropped to the ground where they were previously standing and that Chay seemed to be telling Kim everything he was doing.
“I’m not letting go, Kim, I’m just going to press the button on the elevator…” Kinn heard before the doors of said elevator slid shut taking Kim and Chay with them.
Kinn was...Kinn didn’t know what he was. He turned to Porsche and saw the confusion he felt all over his boyfriend’s face.
“What the fuck just happened?” Porsche exclaimed.
And Kinn had no idea. But he had a feeling he had been very, very wrong about his brother.
Two hours had passed since Chay took Kim to his room and Kinn had sailed through the whole spectrum of human emotion in that time. He had ranted in indignation at his brother’s obvious scheming and potential treachery, and then almost shed actual tears to Porsche when we recounted how hollow Kim had looked as Chay had led him away. It was this shocked sadness that lingered within him that made Kinn seek out his brother. And maybe a little nudging from Porsche.
Kinn opened Chay’s bedroom door as gently as he could. It was becoming increasingly clear to him as he thought about the afternoon’s events, that he had very little experience and knowledge of Kim and how he deals with incidences like these. He didn’t want to startle his brother for fear of the reaction he might trigger in him.
But even with his lack of familiarity with this side of Kim, he was still shocked to stillness as soon as he and Porsche quietly stepped through the door. Chay and Kim were lying on the bed, Porchay half sitting with his back against the headboard supported with what had to be at least three pillows. And Kim, well Kim was sprawled over his boyfriend, his head pillowed on Chay’s stomach, his legs spread across Chay’s and down the bed, so he was almost lying flat. He looked like he wasn’t aware of where he was, but Kinn noticed how the arms he had wrapped around Chay’s waist tensed as they walked through the door. It seemed that Chay also felt Kim’s reaction, as small as it was, as he leaned his head down and whispered something in Kim’s ear which caused the muscles in his arms and shoulders to relax. Kinn couldn’t hear what Chay had said to his brother, but he thought he heard the word ‘safe’ and Kinn and Porsche’s names.
Once Kim had relaxed again, Chay looked up at Kinn and Porsche where they were still standing in the doorway. Looking at Porsche, Kinn could see the shock he felt mirrored in his partner’s eyes, and something else he couldn’t quite put his finger on, but he had never seen that look directed at Kim by Porsche before. There was a distinct lack of contempt in his gaze, which usually shadowed any and all of their interactions.
He looked back at Porchay to find him already looking at him, a small, sad smile on his face. Kinn was once again reminded of the pure goodness that existed in Chay. Only he would be lying in his position right now, and still try and make Kinn feel better.
“I…” Kinn started to say, before abruptly realising he didn’t know what it was he actually wanted to say. He was sorry? Ask if they needed anything? Talking to Kim directly was out of the question as his brother was basically catatonic. Kinn was floundering. Guilt and helplessness were rushing to the surface and bubbling beneath his breastbone, catching his breath as he tried to stutter out words, any words to take his brother’s pain away. And wasn’t that an unexpected conundrum to find himself in?
Porsche, realising that Kinn was completely lost and that he’d have to take the lead here, took his hand and squeezed it firmly without taking his eyes off his brother and his boyfriend.
“Text us if you need anything. We won’t leave the compound. There’ll be extra guards at the end of this hall. Ok?” Porsche said to Chay.
Chay didn’t answer except to nod at his brother before turning back to Kim and placing a gentle kiss to his hair. Kinn thought he might have seen a tear in Chay’s eye, but at this point his vision was starting to blur from his own tears so he couldn’t be sure.
Seeming satisfied with Chay’s non-verbal response, Porsche led Kinn out of the room and closed the door gently behind them. It didn’t take more than two steps back down the hall for Porsche to realise that he was essentially dragging Kinn along with him like he was a rag doll, so he tightened his hold on his hand and pulled him to the closest elevator. It wasn’t the one that would open next to their suite, but it would get them to their floor and away from prying eyes. Despite everything that had happened, Porsche didn’t want any of the new recruits, or bodyguards not on Kinn’s detail to see him not as his usual, terrifying, intimidating self. Anyone with an agenda would be able to tell that Kinn could probably be taken out with a feather right now.
When they finally reached the upper floor, Porsche marched them down the hallway to their door where Jay and Bat were standing guard. Neither of them blinked at Porsche and Kinn, even though the distress was coming off Kinn in waves. They simply stepped to the side, Jay opening the door so Porsche could lead Kinn through it and straight to the couch in the living area. He heard the door close behind him, followed by the soft click of the lock. Porsche was confident that nobody could get passed either of the guards at the door. He had put them through the most rigorous recruitment and training process possible in the aftermath of Ken’s betrayal and the loss of Big. He still mentally thanked Jay for his empathetic nature and his innate understanding that they needed an extra layer of defence against the outside world right now.
Now that they were safely locked away in their suite, Porsche could feel a slight tremor in Kinn as he moved to stand in front of him where he was sitting on the edge of the couch. He could see that Kinn was trapped in his thoughts, staring across the room without looking at anything in particular. Porsche got down on his knees so he could lock eyes with his partner and slowly lifted his right hand to brush a lose hair off Kinn’s forehead.
“I’m going over to the bar to get you a drink, ok? I’m not leaving the room,” he said to Kinn before he stood up, disentangling his left hand from Kinn’s right as he went. He wasn’t ignorant to the fact that he was talking to Kinn much like Chay had spoken to Kim as he led him out of the foyer earlier.
When he came back and put a tumbler of whisky in Kinn’s hand, he hadn’t moved a millimetre from the position he left him in.
Porsche sat down beside him with his own glass gripped tightly in is hand. Rather than sit on the couch’s edge, he leaned back, resting his back against the back of the couch, and let his left hand lightly come down on Kinn’s back.
He didn’t say anything, waiting for Kinn to come back from wherever his mind had taken him. If Porsche had learned anything since he stepped foot in the mansion for the first time, it was that Kinn could not be forced to do anything, including and probably most especially, opening up, even to Porsche at this stage in their relationship.
Sure enough, about ten minutes later, Porsche felt a shudder through his palm where it remained against Kinn’s lower back. The muscles in his back clenched tightly, and then finally relaxed, almost like a string holding Kinn up had been cut. He leaned back beside Porsche and turned slightly crossing his left leg over his right and angling his head so he could look Porsche in the eye.
Porsche wasn’t surprised to see the sadness lingering in Kinn’s eyes, but he was a little taken aback at the depth of melancholy he saw there.
He was just about to ask Kinn if he was ok, when Kinn finally spoke.
“The last time I saw Kim that close to another human, he was…God Porsche, he must have been six years old, and he was with our mom. I can’t clearly remember but he must have been six because she was gone by the time he turned seven.” Kinn swallowed heavily, and Porsche could see how he was trying so hard to swallow down the grief and sadness that was rising to the surface after years of repression.
“You know, he used to just wander up to her and climb up beside her, or on top her if he wanted to be really close. We could be doing anything…homework, playing, watching TV, and eventually he would just get up and go to wherever she was,” Kinn continued with a wistful smile on his face that Porsche had never seen before. Besides brief mentions of his mother, Kinn had never really talked about his childhood to Porsche. He had started to imagine three mini mafia bosses strutting around the house in tiny suits with their hair slicked back and baby scowls on their faces. But Porsche was getting the impression that their childhood may have been somewhat normal. Or as normal as it could be given the family they were born into.
Curiosity dug at him as he silently willed Kinn to go on, but he knew he couldn’t rush him. He was terrified of doing anything that would burst the bubble they had found themselves in and cause Kinn to clam up again. God only knows how long it would be before his emotionally stilted boyfriend would open up again, if he ever did.
He didn’t have to wait long as only a couple of minutes passed before Kinn turned his eyes back to Porsche, scoffing slightly as he did.
“Of course, Pa detested it. Boys shouldn’t be coddled, especially his boys,” Porsche almost winced at the venom Kinn spoke with.
“Any time he caught Kim and mom together he would act like Kim was such a disappointment, or say stupid, nasty things like how at least he had two older sons to carry the Theerapanyakul mantle because his youngest was such a Mommy’s boy,” Kinn continued, the venom slowly leaving his voice only to be replaced by the same deep sadness that Porsche could see in his eyes.
“What about your mom?” Porsche asked gently, almost whispering, still afraid to upset the air between them.
At his question Kinn smiled fondly and for the first time, Porsche could see the grief that still lived in Kinn over the loss of his mother.
“She never rose to it, and she never let Kim rise to it either. She’d whisper to him that it was okay to need hugs. It was ok to show someone you loved them, or that you needed them. And she’d tell him that she loved him so much and that his hugs made her day.
I heard her once you know, fighting with Pa over it. She never really rocked the boat here. She knew the family, what she married into, who her sons would be become, but it was like she just wouldn’t stand for Pa’s outright cruelty towards Kim. I think I was sneaking to the kitchen, and I overheard them in their bedroom. She was shouting at him that Kim’s capacity to love was a strength, and that she was grateful that Khun and I would have a brother like him when we were to bear the brunt of the responsibility of the family. She said the sooner he realised that, the sooner he would see how having three sons who loved each other, and who weren’t afraid to show it, would strengthen this family beyond measure,” Kinn finished as a single tear slid down his face.
“It sounds like she was really great, Kinn” Porsche said, internally beating himself up for not having something better or more supportive to say. But he was completely thrown by the direction this conversation was taking. First by his usually emotionally constipated boyfriend actually opening up and sharing a piece of himself so long kept hidden. But also, the picture he was painting of his younger brother who as far as Porsche was concerned, was a step shy of being the devil personified, ousted only by Vegas’s possession of that role.
What the hell had happened in this house, to that sweet little boy, to turn him into the ice-cold brat Porsche had been so sure he was?
He didn’t have to wait long for an answer. Kinn took a deep breath before continuing.
“She was. But she was gone a few months after that, and it was…awful. It was so awful. Khun tried to support me and Kim, but he was so young himself and was under so much pressure to be the perfect, unflappable heir. He wasn’t allowed to grieve. Nobody told me and Kim what happened, just that mom wasn’t coming back. Kim kept asking why. He was sobbing, crying so hard and he kept asking where she was. And the bodyguards - because of course it was the bodyguards who were tasked with telling us - they didn’t say anything. They’d obviously been ordered not to. Now that I think back, I can see that they were definitely affected. I think one of them, Nick, I think his name was, he might have even cried. But they didn’t help Kim.
Of course, Pa saw to the end of Kim’s affection after that. It only took a few weeks of Kim being constantly shut down and shooed away before he stopped looking for it. He was barely seven Porsche. And I just let it happen,” Kinn finished with a small sob.
“Kinn, you were a child yourself. You can’t blame yourself for your dad’s sucky parenting. That’s…Jesus Kinn, that’s cruel what he did.” Porsche would never cease to be amazed by Korn’s capacity for cruelty but the thought of Kim as a child, grieving and being shunned by his only living parent made something sour settle in his stomach.
“Logically I know that. Kinn, head of the major family, knows that. But there’s a part of all of us that died with her, and I can’t believe I’m just seeing that now. How many jobs has my father sent Kim on that I didn’t know about? Because that’s what we just saw. That was Kim coming back from a job for my father that I didn’t know about. How many times has he gone home to an empty apartment on his own in the state he’s in now, having to claw himself up out of the darkness? Jesus, even today, my first thought was that I finally had proof that he was working against me, not that any of the buckets of blood all over him could have been his! All this time and what have I been doing? With the exception of the last few months since we started seriously considering his behaviour, I wasn’t thinking about him at all.”
“Kinn, I know you’re not close, but I’m sure that’s not true,” Porsche argued. There were definitely issues between the siblings and maybe there was a lot more to Kim and his rock hard exterior than Porsche realised, but he wasn’t about to let Kinn shoulder all the blame.
“No, I mean of course I thought about him. Now and then. But in a very, I wonder if he’s ok, is he still in Bangkok, I better check his YouTube channel to make sure he’s still alive, kind of way. Passing thoughts, Porsche. It’s been years since I reached out to him or tried to get through this fortress of a fucking wall that he’s built around himself.
I mean look at us; we’ve spent the last few months questioning everything he does, wondering about his motives for everything and waiting for him to betray us. And maybe my father is in his ear, but I can’t believe I didn’t think for a second that maybe I should just talk to him?”
Kinn’s words were abruptly cut off by what Porsche could only describe as a sob trying to claw its way out of Kinn’s mouth. Porsche gave him a second to gather himself, watching as he took several deep breaths with his eyes closed.
As soon as he opened his eyes again, Porsche took his hand tightly in his own. If he could do nothing else, he’d provide an anchor for Kinn.
“It’s not too late, you know. You, Kim and Khun, you’re not destined to be distant or indifferent to each other forever. You can fix this,” Porsche said gently.
Kinn’s gaze turned almost piercing.
“Do you really think so?” he asked Porsche, and Porsche could tell that he was pleading with him to say yes.
Luckily for Kinn, Porsche wholeheartedly believed that he could. The reason mainly being that he and Porchay would help them along, but Kinn didn’t need to know that detail.
“Do you want to?” he asked Kinn, looking him straight in the eye. Kinn didn’t hesitate to answer yes.
“Then you can. I know you can. But not now,” Porsche ploughed on as Kinn started to protest. “Porchay has it tonight. Kim needs his partner right now. He’s vulnerable and if he’s anything like either of us in that state, Chay is the only person he wants tonight. Let’s sleep on it and look at this whole situation again with fresh perspectives in the morning, OK? It looks like we both have a lot of rethinking to do,” Porsche reasoned with Kinn. He knew that at the very least he could understand Kim’s need to be close to Chay. The niggle of uncertainty in Porsche’s gut about his little brother’s role in Kim’s life could be ignored for now. The Theerapanyakul brothers were tonight’s priority.
“OK, let’s go to bed,” Kinn finally said as he got up from the couch and started to make his way to the bathroom, refilling his empty glass at the bar as he went. Porsche had a feeling nobody would be getting much sleep.
Porsche and Kinn were just about to sit down to the breakfast that had been delivered to their suite and laid out in the living area when Porsche’s phone dinged with a text. Seeing the message from Chay made him smile slightly. Maybe he hadn’t fucked up royally as Chay’s pseudo parent.
“What’s happening?” Kinn asked, looking eagerly between Porsche and his phone as if he knew that it was Chay.
“Chay is wondering if we would be up for company for breakfast,” Porsche told Kinn, while moving to the landline phone across the room to order more food to be brought up.
“Really?” Kinn asked, seeming thrown by the question. “That’s not a Kim thing to do. At least, I don’t think it is,” Porsche could feel the frustration within Kinn as he was once again reminded that he didn’t know Kim at all.
“Oh no, this is all Chay. Whenever we were stressed out, fighting or money was tight, or Chay was just having a bad week, we set aside time to sit down and eat together with no interruptions. It’s how we work anything out, and we always know the other is serious about something when it’s requested,” Porsche looked up at Kinn, hesitating before explaining further.
“My mom used to insist on it at least once a week, or if there was ever an argument. It’s literally the only thing I was confident in doing after they died. Or disappeared. You know what I mean,” he finished. He still sometimes spoke about both his parents like they were dead out of habit, despite his mother’s recent reappearance.
“So, what? This is Chay’s way of helping Kim?” Kinn asked and Porsche could see that he was both impressed and surprised.
“Yep, he’s probably trying to help bridge the gap between you and this is the only way he knows how,” Porsche said as he turned away from Kinn to hit the button that would put him straight through to the kitchen. He knew he didn’t need to ask for Kinn’s approval after their discussion last night. He texted Chay an affirmative with his free hand and added that they could take their time, he and Kinn would hang around the suite until they arrived. A move he almost regretted thirty minutes later when they still hadn’t shown up. Porsche didn’t mind that much, he knew they’d come when Kim was ready, but Kinn was practically vibrating out of his seat beside him.
“Can you try and calm down and act normally? Like normal person, normal. Not Kinn normal. If you’re this antsy Kim might just turn straight back around as soon as he gets here,” Porsche urged Kinn, not even slightly intimidated by the glare he got in response.
“How are you such an expert on Kim all of a sudden? And since when do you care?” Kinn spat back at him. And there it was. It was inevitable that Kinn’s temper would rear its head. Porsche refused to rise to the bait.
“I’m not an expert on Kim. I’m an expert on you. And me. And being someone in this family who sometimes has to deal with terrifying shit. Nobody needs an antsy older brother in that scenario. Just relax. They’ll be here when Kim’s ready to be here,” Porsche replied, trying to keep the sheer condescension out of his voice that he’d really rather throw at his partner, insufferable git that he was sometimes.
No sooner had he said those words than the door opened, and Jay led Chay and Kim into the room. And well, Porsche could have fallen out of his chair at the sight they presented. Even with everything that had happened the day before, and how they had left Kim with Chay, Porsche was still surprised to see the picture the youngest Theerapanyakul painted right now. Instead of marching in like he owned the place, head to toe in labels and luxury, Kim shuffled in behind Chay, his eyes downcast. Porsche wasn’t certain he wouldn’t bump into a piece of living room furniture if not for the hand wrapped around Chay’s wrist, the younger of them walking slightly ahead of him. Not as if he was leading Kim - no, Porsche realised with shock. His brother was guarding Kim, walking in front of him like a shield. And when the hell had the dynamics between Chay and Kim shifted to this and how had it taken Porsche this long to notice?
When they sat down opposite Kinn and Porsche and they could finally get a look at them up close, Porsche was not happy with what he saw. By the slight tension that worked its way into Kinn’s shoulders, he could tell he felt the same. They were both freshly showered, Kim’s hair half tied back, the ends still slightly damp. Chay’s hair was in much the same state except flopping around his head as if he had merely rubbed a towel over it. He wondered briefly who had tied Kim’s hair back, but he thought he knew. They were both wearing sweats, a look Porsche had never seen on Kim before and he realised for the first time that he was so much smaller than him and Kinn, more similar in size to Porchay than to his brothers.
As taken aback as he was by their overall appearance, it was their eyes that cut through Porsche. It was clear that neither of them had slept, the dark circles practically gouged into their faces evidence enough of that. His brother’s skin was pale, like it got when he was getting sick, but Porsche knew that this is how he looked when he didn’t get enough sleep. And Kim, God Kim’s eyes were still so hollowed, so empty except for the slight redness that circled them. He’d cried. And recently.
Porsche looked to Kinn then and saw him swallow harshly, almost like he was swallowing down the exclamations he wanted to throw at Kim. He was proud of him for biting his tongue. God knows it wasn’t his strong suit.
Chay, the living, breathing angel that he was, gave them both a smile, wished them good morning and then proceeded to act like absolutely nothing was amiss. He simply started serving the two of them from the platters in the middle of the table before pouring them both a juice and a coffee, all with Kim’s hand still wrapped loosely around his wrist. Porsche almost asked whether Kim should be drinking coffee right now but managed to stop himself. It wasn’t like Kim was eating or drinking anything anyway.
As Chay began to eat, he looked at Porsche and out of the blue asked him about a meeting he’d been to yesterday morning before everything went to shit. Recognising the prompt for what it was, Porsche started to haltingly fill his brother in, before they finally slid easily into a conversation. It took a few minutes for Kinn to join in, his eyes boring into his brother’s forehead, but after a couple of direct questions from both Porsche and Porchay, he finally got into the flow too.
As the conversation started to dwindle to a natural end and Porchay had eaten everything on his plate, he glanced over at Kim’s that was still full.
“I think I’d like some strawberries,” Chay declared suddenly, completely changing the topic of discussion while looking at the bowl of fruit that sat on the table across from him between Kim and Porsche.
“Em, sure,” Porsche uttered, confused at his brother’s sudden request. But just as he lifted his hand to pass Chay the bowl, he caught the look on his brother’s face. The look that said, for the love of God if you touch that bowl of strawberries, I will end you. He quickly put his hand back to his lap where not two seconds later, Kinn grabbed it and slotted his fingers between his own. A glance towards him showed Kinn also looking confusedly between Chay and the strawberries.
Unaffected, Chay turned towards Kim and nudged his shoulder gently with his own.
“Kim?” Chay asked gently, repeating his boyfriend’s name twice before he finally got a response.
“Hmmm?” Kim murmured, finally looking up at Chay.
“Can I have some strawberries, please? I want something sweet,” Chay smiled at him.
And Porsche and Kinn watched as Kim literally turned back on, as if Chay had finally found a switch for his brain and flipped it.
Kim sat up, rolled back his shoulders and reached out in front of him for the bowl, letting go of Chay’s wrist with his other hand to take the empty, smaller bowl beside him so he could fill it.
“Here you go, Angel,” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly as if he hadn’t used it in a while.
“Thank you!” Porchay beamed at him and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek causing Kim to smile slightly. Causing Kinn in turn to let out a breath that Porsche knew he had been holding in since Kim had walked through the mansion doors yesterday afternoon.
But Porchay wasn’t done it seemed. After popping about four strawberries in his mouth in gross succession – seriously, did Porsche teach him no manners – he looked to Kim again, nudging him again to get his attention.
“Split the last croissant with me? I want it but I’m too full to eat the whole thing.” And was Chay pouting? Yes, his brother was definitely pouting and aiming his impossible-to-say-no-to eyes at his boyfriend over a breakfast pastry.
Kim didn’t outwardly react to Porchay’s request other than to pick up the last remaining croissant from the dish and put it on his own side plate. The top was drenched in chocolate and Porsche watched as instead of just tearing the pastry in half, Kim picked up the knife beside him and split the pastry lengthways down the middle, handing the chocolate covered top to Chay and keeping the plain bottom for himself. It was done with such ease that Porsche knew that he had done this countless times before. Kim, it seemed, was used to feeding Chay’s sweet tooth.
It looked like pure instinct that had Kim then tearing a bitesize piece off the end and popping it into his mouth. And now it was Porchay’s turn to breathe a sigh of relief. His shoulders relaxed and he lifted his hand to rub at the base of Kim’s neck as he smiled his first genuine smile of the morning. He almost looked proud of Kim for eating.
And just when in the actual fuck did his brother develop a ‘help Kim recover from committing murder with his bare hands’ routine that he was now rolling out for Kinn and Porsche to see as plain as day?! If Kinn was wondering how many jobs Korn had sent Kim on, Porsche was now wondering how many times his brother had helped him pick up the pieces to put him back together for him to have perfected the process.
As he looked over the table again at his brother and Kim, who were now whispering softly between themselves, Porsche felt himself get hit with a metaphorical tonne of bricks. His little brother was an adult. A full-on grown-up that shoulders the burdens of his partner and helps him carry the weight through the thick of it. And if that wasn’t the most sobering thought Porsche ever had, he doesn’t know what was.
He needs Kim and Chay to talk. He needs them to open up to him and Kinn and tell them what’s been going on. Right now. He can physically feel the questions rising from the pit of his stomach.
Kinn beats him to it. And because today is the day that just keeps on giving, Porsche is completely surprised by the gentleness in Kinn’s tone as he asks Kim if there is anything he wants to tell him.
Both Kim and Chay’s shoulders tense at that and Kim looks to Chay briefly before answering. He must see the reassurance he was looking for because he turns back to look at Kinn and shifts his eyes slightly to the light switch on the far wall. The light switch that is actually a scrambler installed by Arm in secret so that no listening devices planted in the room will pick up the conversation.
Porsche understands immediately what Kim is asking for and gets up to flip the switch. He thinks he hears Chay grumbling something about ‘this family’ and ‘secrets’ as he goes.
When he sits back down, Kim is looking at Kinn again and the hollowness in his eyes from earlier is gone, replaced with an intense determination that Porsche recognises as a trademarked Theerapanyakul look.
He looks to his brother to gauge his reaction only to find Porchay fully focused on Kim. But not like he’s waiting for what Kim is going to say. No, Porsche realises that Chay knows what Kim is about to tell his brother. They’ve talked about this.
“Pa’s been pushing me to oust you as head of the family and take over,” Kim finally says without blinking.
And ok, that was surprising. But also, not surprising at all. After all, Porsche and Kinn had been questioning where Kim’s loyalties truly lay since the debacle with the former minor family. Neither of them trusted Korn’s versions of events and Kim was always just a suspicious little weasel to Porsche. The fact that Kim had managed to get himself back into Chay’s good graces after whatever happened between them - and Porsche knew something had definitely happened - irked him to no end. But still, the unapologetic bluntness of Kim’s statement took Porsche back a bit.
He felt, rather than saw Kinn inhale deeply beside him. And when he looked across the table, he saw Chay turn away from Kim as he grabbed his hand, so that he was now facing Porsche and Kinn head on, just as Kim was. A united front if Porsche had ever seen one.
“Tell me everything,” Kinn demanded. And it was a demand.
Kim took a deep breath and then dove right in. He told Kinn everything. He told him about how he had never actually been allowed to leave the family business. How he’d been so grateful to Kinn for pushing their father for his freedom to pursue music, even if he never said it. But only a few weeks after he had moved out, his father had contacted him. A quick favour he had said. He needed Kim’s special skills. No need to bother Kinn with the details.
And so, it continued, for years. Korn demanding Kim to take on the worst of the worst of jobs every few weeks, never caring that with each one, Kim took longer and longer to come back from what he had done in his father’s name. And Kinn had never had a clue.
It was a year ago, Kim said, that their father started to drip feed him the plan that would see Kim as head of the major family. Here, he started to ease back on the detail, understanding that they didn’t need it. They all knew how Korn’s plan would end if it was allowed to play out.
Porsche was seething. He was furious. He wanted to punch someone, and Kim was right there, and he always knew that the brat was an evil…
“Hia...” Porchay’s soft voice interrupted Porsche’s internal raving. He was so fraught with angry energy, his head shot up from where he had been staring at the table since Kim had mentioned his father’s plans.
And for the twenty-fifth time that day, Porsche was shocked. At this point he should only be shocked when he was not shocked. Because Porchay was looking at him with tears in eyes, but Kim’s tears, they were streaming down his face and Porsche could see that any minute now he could start hyperventilating.
Right, he thought, Kim is not the asshole here.
Although that went against everything Porsche chose to believe in, there was no way what he was witnessing right now was an act. Because what he and Kinn were witnessing was the burden of five years of manipulation and conniving from Kim’s father come crashing down around him. And even more years of neglect and emotional abuse.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Kinn sounded as broken as Kim looked.
As it became increasingly clear that Kim couldn’t form a response, Porchay took a deep breath, looked Kinn - the head of the freaking mafia - in the eye and said, “has there been anything you’ve wished you’d spoken to Kim about, or asked him about recently, Khun Kinn?”
And well, that was fair. And also, really brave and massively stupid because Kinn was definitely a lose-his-temper-first kind of person. Porsche instinctually put his arm across Kinn’s body, afraid of how he’d react to Porchay’s challenge. Because that’s what it was and Porchay meant for it to be taken that way. The way he made sure to refer to Kinn as Khun Kinn made that abundantly clear. And while Kinn may have had the same thoughts himself just last night, about his part in not communicating with his brother, that didn’t mean he was ok with them being thrown at him by Chay. At the breakfast table of all places.
Kinn was rigid beneath Porsche’s arm for a good minute before he finally started to relax.
“You’re right,” he bit out and Porsche slowly removed his arm and took Kinn’s hand instead.
“I’ll ask another question then. What do you want, Kim? Do you want to be head? Is this a warning of things to come?” Kinn spat out each question with such harshness that it made Porsche’s head spin. Kinn’s temper was once again thriving, and while Porsche had been expecting the outbursts of anger from him, he was genuinely baffled that Kinn couldn’t see that that was the exact opposite of what Kim was trying to say.
“Kinn, take a breath. Kim, take several deep breaths. You’re going to turn purple any minute now if you don’t breathe,” Porsche finally intervened.
That got both Kinn and Chay’s attention. The latter turned fully in his chair and grabbed Kim’s face in his two hands, encouraging him to breathe with him.
Porsche felt Kinn squeeze his hand so tightly he thought it might bruise and looked up to meet his gaze. And Kinn was wrecked. As soon as he realised Kim was on the edge of a full-on panic attack, it was like the anger just left him and all that was left was a man who had no idea what to do to help his little brother.
After what seemed like hours but was probably five minutes, Kim cleared his throat, and all attention was on him again.
His face was puffy, and his eyes were swollen but he once again looked Kinn in the eye and took a deep breath before speaking.
“I want out. I’ve always wanted out, Kinn. But I know I can’t have that anymore. I understand that having our last name means that you’re never actually out. I didn’t get that before. I thought it was enough to move out and get signed and go to college and whatever. But it’s never enough. It’s never fucking enough,” Kim choked out.
Everyone at the table silently waited him out as he took several more deep breaths in an effort to push the emotions and frustration he was feeling back down so he could continue speaking.
After leaning back in his chair and looking to the ceiling in a move Porsche recognised as an effort to centre himself, Kim finally looked back to Kinn and continued.
“I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I’ll manage the clubs, fuck I’ll look after the shipments, whatever you need Kinn. But not this. Not now. Not anymore.” And with that statement he took Porchay’s hand back in his and put their joined hands on the table. The message was clear to Porsche and to Kinn. Porchay was Kim’s priority now, and he wasn’t going to keep doing what his father demanded of him because it put Chay at risk. It put their relationship at risk.
A deathly silence settled over the table. Nobody knew where to look and it seemed like nobody knew what to say.
It was Porchay who finally broke the silence, with markedly more respect in his tone than when he’d previously spoken to Kinn.
“P’Kinn, Kim knows that you’re the rightful head of this family. What we’re asking for, is to work out together how he can work for you from now on, while also continuing his music career. We get that we’re in this. We were born into this,” Porchay took a breath and looked at the table before looking back to Kinn. And Porsche was surprised to see the emotion in Chay’s eyes, the respect.
“We know you stepped into Khun’s role and tried to give Kim an out that wasn’t ever an option for you. So, let him help you now. We’d just like to maintain some balance, some distance from the harsher jobs,” Porchay finished, never once looking away from Kinn.
Porsche didn’t even blink before he responded to Chay’s request.
“Oh, you would both like that, would you?” he threw at Porchay. Evidently Porsche had not accepted the seriousness of his little brother’s relationship.
Chay, however, looked Porsche straight in the eye and calmly said, “yes, that’s what we’re asking.”
Porchay then turned his gaze to Kinn and hesitated briefly, flicking his gaze to Kim and back again before opening his mouth. In for a penny, it seemed would be today’s approach.
“He can’t go on like this, P’Kinn. What he’s doing, what your father is making him do, it’s killing him from the inside out and I’m asking you to make it stop. Khun Korn has orchestrated everything to make sure that Kim would keep doing his bidding, keep being his perfect soldier while creating a rift so wide between you two that Kim couldn’t reach out to you. He couldn’t tell you what was happening or ask you for help and…”
As Porchay continued, he was speaking faster and faster, fresh tears flooding his eyes as he grew increasingly upset at every word he said. Like even speaking about what his boyfriend had been through was hurting him. “…He’s been totally isolated with this, completely alone and I-”
“Angel, angel breathe. I’m OK.”
It was Kim who interrupted Porchay’s ramble that was getting increasingly difficult to follow as the lump in his throat got harder to speak around.
Kim took the hand that was currently not holding Chay’s and added it to their joined hands on the table, his thumb stroking across Chay’s knuckles.
As Porsche observed his brother’s almost breakdown, he felt a lump grow in his own throat. Tears started to make his vision go slightly hazy. He dropped his chin to his chest and breathed deeply for several seconds, his hands covering his eyes, willing the tears away.
At last, he looked up at Kinn, only to find his partner already looking at him. The resolve he felt was mirrored on Kinn’s face.
“Ok, so how are we going to approach this?” Porsche asked. He was looking at Kinn, but the question was for the table. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kim and Chay’s heads snap towards them.
The emotions that Kim had pushed down in the face of Chay’s distress sprung straight back to the surface as he looked between Kinn and Porsche before finally settling on Kinn.
“Really?” he asked, and the barely concealed hope in his voice made Porsche want to march into Korn’s suite right now and pitch him over his precious balcony.
Looking at Kinn, Porsche saw that his boyfriend was completely sincere in his response.
“Yes, really. You’re right about not being fully out. I think we were both too naïve when we took Pa on the first time about your music. But we know better now. I promise, Kim. I’ll do whatever it takes.” Porsche fell in love with Kinn all over again as he watched him tell his younger brother everything he’d needed to hear for years.
But he’d tell him that later, because for now, they had to plan.
“Right,” Porsche said, once again taking control of the situation as the Theerapanyakul brothers worked on controlling their emotions. “You two have obviously spoken about this a lot,” he directed at both Chay and Kim. “Have you thought of a plan to out-plan Korn?”
At that, Chay just smiled at his brother…
“So, what were we thinking is…”