Work Text:
Jason *not dead* Todd: Guys, I’m shook
Dick Grayson: What is it?
Tim Drake: You’re ADMITTING to being shook??
Tim Drake: What happened- you find a new cooking hack?
Tim Drake: You found a dog you actually *wanted* to adopt?
Tim Drake: You’re free of bruises for the first time since you were 12?
Jason *not dead* Todd: It’s Alfred
Tim Drake: WHAT ?
Dick Grayson: Is he ok?? What do you mean it’s Alfred??
Dick Grayson: Hey, ANSWER us.
Dick Grayson: This isn’t funny.
Tim Drake: I just called him. He’s not picking up.
Dick Grayson: What could get HIM shook?
Tim Drake: Either he’s pissed at him, or he’s sick.
Dick Grayson: You think?
Tim Drake: THAT WOULD GET ME SHOOK!
Dick Grayson: Okay, okay… I’ll try texting him again.
Dick Grayson: Jason, come on! Text back!
Jason *not dead* Todd: *dead* GUYS. Chill. Alfred is okay
Jason *not dead* Todd: Alfred told me something about himself
Jason *not dead* Todd: You ready for this?
Jason *not dead* Todd: He only learned how to cook AFTER the service.
Dick Grayson: What do you mean?
Jason *not dead* Todd: You know he’s an awesome cook - he only learned AFTER he was in the armed service.s
Dick Grayson: WHAT?
Tim Drake: How is he so good?!
Jason *not dead* Todd: YOU SEE WHY I WAS SHOOK
Damian Wayne: Stop. Saying. SHOOK. It is unbecoming.
Jason *not dead* Todd: So is sword-wielding, short stack. 🗡👼
Jason *not dead* Todd: Get over it.
Dick Grayson: HAHAHAHAHA
Dick Grayson: Wait that’s mean, come on
Jason *not dead* Todd: And he wasn’t?
Dick Grayson: True..
Damian Wayne: Why is it so SHOCKING that one is a great chef after A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME?
Damian Wayne: I swear, Drake has lowered your standards.
Tim Drake: HEY! For the last time, Damien! I kNOW how to cook!
Damian Wayne: SPELL MY NAME WITH AN E ONE MORE TIME, DRAKE - I dare you!
Tim Drake: 😈😈
Jason *not dead* Todd: I always thought he went to culinary school - HE’S SELF TAUGHT!
Tim Drake: So there’s still hope for you!
Jason *not dead* Todd: Pot, meet kettle.
Jason *not dead* Todd: I’m not the one who gets food posioning twice a month.
Tim Drake: Those were accidents!
Damian Wayne: *poisoning
Jason *not dead* Todd: Alfred will DEFINITELY teach me
Tim Drake: I would love if he taught ME, but NOOO, it’s all, STAY OUT OF MY KITCHEN, TIM! YOU CAN’T BURN THOSE EGGS, TIM! TOUCH THAT QUICHE AND I BAN YOU FROM THIS PLACE, TIM! I JUST WANT TO MAKE DOUGHNUTS AND BURGERS!
Jason *not dead* Todd: Well maybe if you didn’t burn everything you touch, reverse-Midas.
Dick Grayson: Reverse-Midas 🤣🤣
Jason *not dead* Todd: Well! He BURNS EVERYTHING!
Jason *not dead* Todd: I’m with Alfred on this.
Alfred Pennyworth: Thank you, Jason. The rest of you, YOUTUBE.
