Chapter Text
Espresso left his phone at my mansion. He didn't come back for it, which is probably good. Racism is quite common here against the Cacao kingdom. It's why they aren't as common. Clotted has vowed to change that, but it will be years before he's Consul. I'm waiting outside for Espresso so I can hand him his phone back. What kind of a Madeleine would I be if I didn't? I also brought him a cup of coffee. I wasnt sure what he would want, so I got him a Latte. Personally, I can't stand coffee. But if it's for someone else, I'll gladly get it. It's the right thing to do, after all. And it gets on the good side of cookies. I spot his dark hair on the sidewalk. Does he walk to school. He's annoyed about something. I run over to him and smile. His eyes burn holes into my head, but I don't change my expression.
"Morning, Espresso! You left your phone at my house yesterday. I decided to charge it for you." I take his phone out of my pocket and hand it to him. He stuffs it in his pocket, mumbling a thanks. He heads inside and I follow him. We both have the same first period, so I walk with him. He seems to enjoy the silence, so I keep it, even if it bugs me that we aren't talking.
"Hey! Madeleine! Heading to math?" Cream Cheese. He's one of my best linebackers. He's also one of the most annoying cookies I've ever met. He jogs up and starts walking beside Espresso and I. How annoying. I plaster on the most obvious fake smile I can. However, Cream Cheese being the dunce he is, doesn't catch on. "Who's your friend?" He says with a grimace.
"Frankly, it's none of your business. Vanilla, we should be heading to our science class, yes?" I nod and we both hurriedly walk towards Professor Banana Muffin's class. Espresso sighs. "Divine. And I thought you were annoying." I laugh at that. Really laugh. "Wow. Something not fake and plastic coming from you. How strange. I'm proud of you, Vanilla." I don't bother correcting him. I'm fine with him calling me Vanilla. It's nice. He walks into the class, leaving me outside, blush dusting my cheeks. I've never felt this way before. I'll think about it later. I walk into the class to start a long day.
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I don't know who that cookie was, but I hope he never interacts with me again. Walking with Vanilla was nice, but the pressure is back. It's building faster than it would normally. I don't have a blade on me, but I'm sure I could break my pencil sharpener. I don't want it to come to that. I scratch at my hands, causing red streaks to line them. Vanilla gives me a questioning glance. I shrug and cover my palms. If I left now, wouldn't it go away? Just one cut. The urge and pressure builds until it consumes all my thoughts. A splitting sound pierces my thoughts. The bell. I grab my stuff and hurry out of the classroom. Vanilla catches up with me quite quickly. Damn his long legs.
"Hey. Are you okay? You seem nervous." I can't give him an answer. I need to get to the bathroom. I rush off and he shouts after me. I run to the boys bathroom and open my backpack, quickly breaking the plastic pencil sharpener. I roll up my opposite sleeve and tear off the bandages and sink the blade into my arm. Instead of the normal relief, however, its followed by a building of the pressure. No. Please. I cut deeper, but it doesn't stop. The pressure just builds and builds. There are red lines covering my arm but I don't stop. Please. I just need relief. I cut until I can't anymore on that arm. I switch to the other but it doesn't help. The pressure just keeps building. It's giving me a headache. I feel dazed. There's blood on the floor. So much blood. I lean on the counter, still holding my blade. I don't have bandages. Why did I do this? I'm going to die here. Good. Who would care if a worthless mage like me died right here. Someone shouts. Vanilla.
"Espresso, I'm getting you to the nurse!" I shake my head,pushing him back. My headache numbs my senses. I'm still holding my blade. Maybe one more. As I reach to cut, Vanilla grabs the blade, cutting himself in the process. "No. You're not doing that. Come on. You're bleeding out." He picks me up bridal style and runs. I give up on fighting. It will just put more blood on the pretty, white shirt he's wearing. He's quite fast. He kicks open the door to the nurse and sets me on my feet. I glance at my arms. They look like Hollyberry cookie's hair. Not good. The nurse and Vanilla are talking fast and I'm zoning out. My cuts really hurt. Alot more than they normally do. The nurse takes me over to a sink and washes my cuts.
"Are you feeling okay, honey? Is there anything I could get you?" She says. I shake my head no. "Alright, keep your arms underneath the water." She walks away, I assume to grab some bandages. Divine, I feel bad for Vanilla. I wouldn't want anyone to see that kind of shitshow. I get really messed up when I start cutting. I mean, the guy has only known me for two days and he's already seen me at my lowest. The nurse walks back in and she does the same thing I did last night. Gauze, red gauze, replace. I watch her continue the pattern until it's a pink. Wow. I didn't realize how much cutting I did. There's still pressure in my head, but, given the adrenaline rush, it's waned. I need to find a better outlet. I cant go through this cycle again. Pressure builds, cut my arms, repeat. It's not good. I mean, it used to be monthly. Then twice a month. Then weekly. Then daily. Now it only took around twelve hours. It's getting harder to satisfy my urges. I could just... End it. All of it.
"Espresso? Want me to walk you to class?" I glance up at the blonde boy. That's all he really is. A boy. Sure, he's annoying and a narcissistic prick, but at the end of the day, he's nothing more than a kid. A pampered kid, but a kid, nonetheless. I nod. He offers a hand that I take. We leave the nurses office and head to the bathroom to grab my backpack. He seems uncomfortable in the silence. "Sorry if this is too nosy, but why were you doing that? I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to harm their body. Especially one as beautiful as yours." He says suddenly. He blushes at the beautiful part. How do I even explain it. It's not like I want to kill myself. I just believe that's what I deserve. I'm not perfect. Who would want someone who isn't perfect? How do I explain the pressure? I pause in the middle of the hallway.
"Have you ever been underwater upside-down?" Vanilla nods. "It's like that. Pressure builds and builds until you just can't take it anymore. You have to come up for air." He nods. "I have to cut. I feel like I'll explode if I don't. It makes it so I cant even think sometimes." He nods in understanding. I begin to walk again and he follows. We make it to the bathroom and I grab my backpack. A guy is staring at the large puddle of blood on the floor. "Don't worry. That came from my arms. No one was murdered." He looks up and I show him my bandages. He gulps. I leave without another word. Vanilla- Madeleine. He prefers Madeleine. Madeleine walks to our next class. The teacher glares at Madeleine.
"Vanilla Madeleine. Where were you." He turns to me. I put on the most obvious fake smile I can.
"Well, Professor Cherry Crepe, you see, I was having a mental breakdown and cutting myself mindlessly in the bathroom. Vanilla here probably saved my life." She stands there shocked for a moment. "I would assume you would excuse both of our absences." She nods. The bell rings right at that moment. Madeleine grabs his backpack and we walk out.
"You know, if you ever need relief from that pressure, if I can help, let me know." I nod. We go our separate ways, since we each have different classes. Maybe I will have to talk with him more.