Work Text:
Mike walked into his living room, drying off his hair with a towel. He tossed the towel into a hamper before he walked into the living room. He frowned when he saw Jonathan sitting on the sofa, as if waiting for him.
"Where'd Will go?" Mike asked.
"He went to bed," said Jonathan. "He's pretty tired.
Mike nodded. "It's been a weird couple of days," he said, sitting down on the sofa.
"Yeah it has," said Jonathan. He hesitated before he spoke again. "What's going on with you, Mike?"
Mike frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, why have you been weird ever since you arrived in California? You didn't even give Will a proper hug when you got there! And then you go and tell El that your life began the day you found her in the woods. Did you forget that's the same day Will disappeared? How do you think that made Will feel, hearing that?
"Do you hate my brother, Mike? Because you need to tell him that. He deserves to know if you don't want to be friends with him anymore."
"No!" Mike exclaimed, struggling to keep his voice low. "I don't hate Will. I could never hate him."
"Then why have you been acting like you do?" Jonathan demanded, barely keeping the venom out of his voice. "You've barely called ever since we moved, Mike, but you still found the time to write El a bunch of letters."
"I tried to call," Mike said in a small voice.
Now it was Jonathan's turn to frown.
"What are you talking about?"
"I've tried to call so many times. But the line is always busy. Your Mom is always on the phone for work, so I get it. But almost every time I call, the line is busy."
"What about calling at a different time when Mom isn't using the phone?" Jonathan asked, the impatience still evident in his voice.
Mike sighed.
"I've chickened out because I don't know what to say. I feel bad that I haven't been able to talk to Will. But then he never calls me either. I guess I just thought Will was mad at me and didn't want to talk to me."
Jonathan's face softened slightly. He was having a bit of a realization.
"I didn't know he hadn't called you. I thought Will was upset that you were ignoring him."
"I wanted to talk to him, but eventually I just gave up. I didn't have it in me to call and not get through.
"You could have written him a letter, Mike. You could've explained yourself.
Mike sighed again as he stood up.
"Let me show you something," he said, leaving the room and heading for the basement. Mike returned a few minutes later with a box that he dropped next to Jonathan.
"What is this?" Jonathan asked.
"It's a bunch of letters to Will that I never sent," Mike said, not making eye contact.
Jonathan frowned. "Why didn't you send them? Wil would have loved hearing from you."
"I just didn't know what to say. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt good enough for Will."
"Mike, what are you talking about? You're Will's best friend. He would listen to anything you had to say."
Mike shook his head, a tear starting to roll down his cheek.
"I wanted the letter to be perfect," Mike said in a small voice. "I wanted to apologize to him for how badly I treated him last year. I was ignoring him when all he wanted to do was hang out with me. I've had a long of time to think about it, Jonathan, and I know I was wrong. But I didn't know how to say all of that without sounding like some self-pitying idiot."
Jonathan looked taken aback.
"Mike, you know you can tell Will anything. He's probably the most open-minded person either of us know. He would understand how you're feeling."
"Maybe," Mike said, hesitating.
"What is it?" Jonathan asked. "Is there something else?"
"I don't want to say," Mike whispered, his voice sounding shaky.
"Mike, you can tell me. It's okay. You don't have to be ashamed."
At this, the tears started flowing freely down Mike's cheeks. He looked up at Jonathan. Jonathan was startled; he had never seen Mike like this with anyone other than Will. He had never told Mike that he had seen Mike crying before when he was a little kid, but this was different from that. Aside from sad, Mike looked downright fearful of whatever was plaguing his mind.
"I've been so lost without him," Mike said, failing to keep the tears out of his voice. He sniffled. "I didn't come out of my room or my basement for a month after you guys left. Everything was too hard because everything reminded me of Will. At school, I would keep looking at him at lunch before I remembered he wasn't there. When I went to the bike rack after school, I wouldn't see his bike there and I'd remember. And then I'd come home and I would be surrounding by his drawings in the basement. I probably spent about a month just staring at all of his old artwork and remembering when he gave it to me."
Jonathan listened with an open mind. He could tell that Mike was not used to being this vulnerable with anyone. He held his tongue and nodded at Mike to continue.
"Some days I didn't even want to get out of bed. I dream about Will all the time and I never wanna wake up from those dreams because the reality is he's gone. Dustin and Lucas try to be understanding, but they have their own lives to live and I didn't wanna force them, so I asked them to leave me alone."
Mike paused here to wipe some tears away.
"And then we met Eddie and he wanted me to join the Hellfire Club, his D&D club. At first I said no. I didn't want to play D&D if Will wasn't there. But then Will told me that it would be good for me, an escape. And if I'm being honest, Eddie reminded me of Will. He's just who I could picture Will being in just a couple of years. So I joined the Hellfire Club and that helped just a little bit."
"Why only a little bit?" Jonathan asked.
"Because Will wasn't there," Mike said. "And it wasn't the same without him. I felt like I was betraying him, even though he was the one who encouraged me to join the Hellfire Club in the first place. And it didn't help that I still wasn't getting through to him on the phone. I still kept trying for a few weeks but then this voice in my head told me that Will had moved on and that I should too."
Mike sniffled.
"And then El told me that Will was painting something that she thought was for a girl and I got all jealous. Will always gave me his art. That was our thing. I know it sounds stupid, but that's just how I felt. I hated that I felt that way, but it was eating at me. That's why I was so weird when I got to California.
"We had that fight at the roller rink and I realized that Will did still want to be my friend, even if I don't deserve it. I apologized for how I treated him. I hoped I could try and fix things with him, but I don't know if it'll ever be enough. Some part of me thinks Will should hate me and to be honest, I'm having a hard time not believing that."
"Mike, Will could never hate you," Jonathan said. His resolve had completely changed now. He seemed determined to be there for Mike now that Mike had opened up. "Listen to me, Will can never, ever hate you, Mike. He cares about you too much. You heard what he said: you're the heart of your Party, Mike."
Mike shook his head vigorously.
"I'm not," he said. "Will might think so, but I'm just the paladin. Nothing special. The truth is, Will is the heart of The Party. He's the one who always puts everyone before himself and never asks for anything in return. He deserves everything he's ever wanted. Even if....if he doesn't want me."
At this, Mike broke down completely. Jonathan scooted over and wrapped his arms around Mike. Mike didn't protest and actually leaned into Jonathan's embrace. Jonathan shushed him gently and rubbed circles on his back to calm him down. When Mike stopped crying, he leaned away from Jonathan, rubbing the tears from his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Mike said.
"Don't be," Jonathan said gently. "I'm sorry that you've been holding in all of that for so long. I wish you'd have told someone, Mike."
Mike shrugged. "Everyone else has too much going on. They don't need to worry about me."
"Mike, your feelings are valid. You're allowed to feel how you feel, okay?" Mike nodded. "And I promise you, you don't have to feel like you're alone. I'll be here if you need me. And Will is always gonna be there for you, Mike. He cares about you so much. Don't ever count him out, all right?"
Mike nodded again. "I won't."
"But I do think you should be honest with him, Mike. He does deserve that. You two care deeply about each other. He deserves to know."
"What if he hates me?" Mike asked in a small voice.
"Mike, there is nothing in this world that will change how much Will cares for you, all right? He loves you. That won't ever change."
"Love," Mike said as if he were trying on that word for the first time and he was okay with it.
Jonathan nodded encouragingly. "You're the most important person in Will's life, Mike. And I can tell he's important to you, too. It's obvious you both feel the same way about each other."
"Okay," Mike said, standing up from the couch and wiping away the last of his tears.
"Just be honest with him, Mike. And remember if you hurt my brother, I won't hesitate to kill you."
Mike chuckled wetly and gave Jonathan another hug.
"Thanks, Jonathan."
"Anytime. Now get to bed. It's late."
Mike nodded as he retreated to his bedroom. He opened the door as quietly as possible and tip toed into the room, shutting the door behind him. He crept over to his bed and saw that Will had his eyes open.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" Mike asked.
Will shook his head. "I haven't gone to sleep yet."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm scared to go to sleep by myself," Will said, looking away from Mike in shame. "What if he tries to come after me when I'm asleep?"
Mike crawled into his bed. He scooted close to Will, close enough that their body heat was practically radiating off of each other.
"I'll be here all night, Will, okay?" Mike said gently. "If you have any bad dreams or anything, just wake me up."
"I don't want to disturb you, though, Mike..."
"Will, it's fine," Mike said, cutting Will off. "If I need to stay up to watch you go back to sleep or if I have to stay up all night with you, I'm gonna do it, okay?" Will nodded. "But you should try and get some sleep. We've had a long week this week."
"Okay," Will said. "Thanks, Mike."
"Anytime."
Will closed his eyes and in moments, Mike could tell that Will had fallen asleep. Mike smiled to himself as he stared up at the ceiling, thinking about when he was going to tell Will how he felt. Without warning, Mike felt an arm across his chest. He glanced down and saw that Will had cuddled up to him in his sleep and was now trying to wrap his arm around Mike.
Mike let Will wrap his arm around him and Mike wrapped his own arm around Will to make sure he was comfortable. Will looked so peaceful in this state and Mike smiled, happy that in a way, he was helping Will get a better night of sleep.
Before he could talk himself out of it, Mike leaned down and gave Will a quick kiss on the forehead. It was more like a peck and it lasted just for a second. Mike turned his head and closed his eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep.