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“I’ll catch up, no need to worry. As if I’ll be left without two guards and a manager anyway.”
Kaeya sighs at the thought of his brother’s decision to stay behind for a while. Although the buffet at the Teyvat Music Show was open for bigger artists like DCKZ, Diluc wanted to be left behind to watch the next few performances.
“He said that he’s not hungry, but get him a plate or something.”
Childe nods at Kaeya as the three men walk to the buffet. The red headed man is left in the audience area, clapping his hands ever so occasionally for the artists. Kaeya did not need to know but he was starving. He wanted to eat.
Yet waiting for someone was far more important than any meal.
As he watched performance after performance he grew impatient waiting for 4NEMO. Waiting for them gave him the highest chances of seeing this person. It was a very important matter for him. If he did not get this chance, who knows when the next opportunity would come to him.
He watched more performances. Some from idols he was rather close with, some from new and upcoming idols that still needed a little more training in his opinion. It was tiring to be at music shows like this but he was stretching out his patience just so he could have the chance to talk to her.
Diluc is only jolted awake from his trance as the crowd roars for Barbara– a soloist from his hometown– as she receives her award for Song of the Year with her single, Oceans and Engines. He joins the standing ovation and spots his members returning to their seat.
As the young idol starts to sing, everybody is seemingly in tears from her soulful and emotional voice. It was pretty obvious why it was the winner despite not fitting into the general idea of Teyvat Music.
Saturday sunset
We're lying on my bed with five hours to go
Fingers entwined and so were our minds
Crying, "I don't want you to go"
You wiped away tears
But not fears under the still and clear indigo
You said "Baby, don't cry, we'll be fine
You're the one thing I swear I can't outgrow"
In the middle of the song just as his bandmates are headed back, Diluc spots 4NEMO heading to the buffet area. He quickly examines his plate to make an excuse to be able to get there.
“I’m heading back to the buffet, Kaeya got me too little of the mixed vegetables.”
“You eat that much vegetables now? Wow, you barely touched carrots when we were kids.”
“When we were kids you used to be less observant.”
Their childish banter goes on for a while until Diluc finally decides that he’s had enough and heads to the buffet area. He scans the room for the four men and their managers. He takes one look at a single black bow and is already sure that it was them.
He hands his plate to the bodyguard accompanying him with the excuse he would like to give his regards to 4NEMO member Venti. He walks towards them rather quickly.
“Oh? Diluc!”
Venti waves his hands in the air as Diluc approaches. The group stops as Diluc waves back. They say their greetings and Diluc finally gets the chance to talk to Venti beyond casual idol to idol interaction.
“Where is she?”
“You chased us here for her? She’s backstage.”
About to leave disappointed with the excuse he’s being called back, Diluc sighs. He had come too late.
“However, I believe she’ll be staying a little later than other managers to discuss something with the music show.”
“Noted.”
—
After hours of waiting, the music show had finally ended.
DCKZ had stayed back– something Diluc did not plan yet was glad of. Rain had poured hard and it was impractical for the four men and their managers to go home separately so they had simply waited for the meeting to finish.
What Diluc did not anticipate but was rather glad about was how 4NEMO’s manager was replaced by another manager of the group in the meeting. Turns out, she was simply a proxy for him. She was waiting in the same buffet area that DCKZ was in.
“Oh? Your beloved is here, Diluc.”
“So that’s her…”
“Yup. That is her Childe. I’ll tell our dear managers and guards that you decided to catch up with a childhood friend. Go ahead now, brother.”
“But before we let you go I believe Zhongli has something to share with the room?”
“I got this news from Kaeya but rumors say that she had joined Teyvat Entertainment to reunite with someone. Who could it be?”
“She wouldn’t do this just for something like that.”
“Just go ahead, Diluc. Don’t listen to me or Kaeya and Childe. Might lose your chance.”
With Zhongli’s bid farewell he asks permission from staff and walks toward the woman sitting alone at the opposite side of the room. She was away from the more crowded areas filled with idols and their staff.
“Hey.”
“Hi, Diluc.”
She looks at him surprised as he takes the seat right beside her.
“How have you been?”
“Fine. I never expected to meet you again here.”
“It was bound to happen. You are after all, 4NEMO’s new manager.”
“Where exactly did you catch wind of that?”
“Uhm..ehem…”
“Kaeya and Lisa…”
“Still the same as ever.”
Her heart was racing. It was racing the same way it did in high school when she looked at his sleeping face covered by those red bangs of his. It wasn’t even racing at this point, it was running for its life.
After the awkward chuckling, he pulls himself back in his chair. There was a reason he stayed behind. A hidden agenda if you could say.
“My…my…da… never mind.”
“Hm? I’m not one of those nosey creeps. Don’t worry. And it’s not like I knew every bit of you like the back of my own hand for years.”
She raised her left hand, showing the back of it. He could imagine a golden band on the ring finger of her left hand. Amidst all the ballpen marks on her hands, it looked stunning.
“Maybe later, I do believe I have all the time in the world to get there. I want to ask you something first– considering your sister’s an idol, why not be her own manager?”
“Barbara’s manager? Never, unless she asked.”
Jean takes a small pause, letting dead air fill the room. Just as Diluc tries to respond she begins to talk once more.
“I’ll let her grow independently away from me. Let her discover her own person. Being her manager feels like defeating that virtue. As much as I want to be involved in her career, the role of her supportive big sister is good enough. I don’t need to watch over her every second.”
“And after all, being 4NEMO’s manager does give me both the privilege of watching her from the most unique angles and being in a line of work I wanted to pursue.”
“Then why didn’t you become our manager?”
“I wouldn’t want to give you the same treatment. I’m pretty strict with Venti, you know.”
They both giggle at her small remark. Perhaps it was enough to be like this. Thinking about it now, Diluc knew if she was their manager he probably wouldn’t be able to stop himself at that exact moment.
“Speaking of Barbara, her new song is really good. It’s a little– no it’s different in every good way. I like it…a lot.”
“Oceans and Engines? Tell me what you like about it, I’m sure she’ll be happy that Diluc of DCKZ gave her praise.”
“Firstly, the lyrics. Every word spoke to me, it felt like I had watched an entire story unravel in front of me. It definitely was my favorite part of the entire song– how every word was mended into such a beautiful poem.”
Jean could only give a shy smile knowing the truth.
“Her emotions in the song definitely struck my heart too. It hurt, even when I wasn’t the one who’s heart was breaking.”
It definitely was not his heart that was breaking.
“Finally, I like the songwriter too.”
Taken aback by his words, Jean only stares at him in surprise. He smiles at her dumbfounded face like a kid who got her to say a funny word.
“How–”
“While the world of Teyvat was crying about how soulful your sister’s voice was and overlooked the names in the credits, I was busy wallowing over how a certain Jean Gunnhildr wrote the lyrics to the song.”
She leans back in her seat and looks the other way.
“I’ll tell you a little something about it, if you promise to tell me afterwards what you’ve been trying to say a while back.”
“Deal.”
“I wrote it at 18. Barbara found it on my old laptop and begged me to release it, however I’m not meant for the limelight so I offered to let her have it. She did take it to the recording studio and here we are.”
“When we were 18?”
“Yeah. I wrote it before you left. I wrote it the day before. In that same cafe we planned a future we never pursued and the same one you had planned to take me out to one last time. A midnight waltz poisoned by the thought of you having to leave to become an idol.”
She had written it on an old phone as she cleaned the counter. He had just left and that was the last time they saw each other that close. They were in love and they were happy. But they were not meant to have each other.
But I'm letting go
I'm giving up the ghost
Jean never thought about how unfair it was that the only reason Diluc had let her know was because Kaeya let it slip out. She thanks the heavens on the daily Kaeya talked too much because if he didn’t, she would be left without an explanation.
Yet it placed her in another hard situation. It was still open ended, just with a little more context if you could say. It would still force her to the same fate.
So she chose to simply let go.
But don't get me wrong
I'll always love you, that's why I wrote you this very last song
Letting go of him was certainly hard. He was all she had known. Every hint of romance pointed to his red hair and red eyes. It had also felt wrong if she simply stopped loving him. How do you even stop loving someone you’ve loved for nearly your entire life?
This song was simply a way of telling him that he would never disappear from her heart. That he was simply going to be locked behind doors and that this song would be the final remembrance she would hold.
I guess this is where we say goodbye
I know I'll be alright
She’s Jean Gunnhildr. She would be alright. She had a life ahead of her. There was college. There was work. There were her friends and family. She would be alright even if her view of the future was affected by macular degeneration.
Even if the person she spent so much time planning the future together with had disappeared from her line of sight, life would continue.
Someday, I'll be fine
But just not tonight
But God knows when life would actually continue.
Life continuing meant no longer looking to the side where he should have stood. It meant letting go of those plans they had made together. It meant having to change things that would fit Jean and Jean alone.
She could never do that in a single night.
Tonight was the first time I stared into seas of beguiling red
seven years ago
The waltz from that night wanted to make her come crashing down. They were laughing hard but she wanted to fall on the floor and cry every bit of her heart out. It felt unfair that she reflected so clearly in his eyes yet she felt there was never a place for her in this future he wanted.
And the first time I learned real world superpowers lived in four words, they revitalized my fraying bones
During that waltz, she broke her laughter for a single moment. It was at that moment where she simply pulled him closer as she sobbed into the coat he had on. She could feel him holding her tighter too.
Yet it never made sense to her how he could tell her that “I want to stay,” one moment yet still walked out that cafe and on that plane as if nothing happened.
Now what do you do when your pillar crumbled down
You've lost all solid ground
It only made sense to her when she thought that his dream would always remain more important.
And it always felt dumb that he still amde all those plans with her as if leaving wasn’t always on his mind. He wasted his time and thoughts creating futures where they’d own a house together in the city and own a small cafe downtown.
She remembers the moment he left and how she fell onto the floor behind the counter sobbing.
Both dreams and demons drowned
And this void's all you've found
She remembers how she quietly cried his name. How she sat there wiping her own tears and drowning in them. She felt her heart breaking as she could no longer breathe.
She had to accept it probably was nothing to him at all seeing how he could walk out without even turning back once.
And doubts light it aglow?
I have so many questions
Every word felt like a lie. Every feeling, every dream, every plan and everything that had to do with him. If he wanted to leave– why didn’t he just tell her? Why did she have to find out from Kaeya? Why did he make plans? Why did he tell her he wanted to stay?
It was a mess in her head.
But I'm pouring them into the ocean
Yet she had to clean up the cafe and close. Jean Gunnhildr was left with no choice.
If he was going to be an idol, he had to have a perfect image. She was not meant for such a world so it was simply best to start her engine, get in the car and keep driving the opposite direction.
Even if her car still had his sweater and his school books in the backseat– she had to keep driving the other way and never take any U-turns the same way he never looked back at her.
And I'm letting go
I'm giving up your ghost
It's come to a close
I marked the end with this last song I wrote
I'm letting go
This is the last falsetto I'll ever sing to you
My great, lost love
“It has always been about you. My sister’s most painful song that broke the internet was a song overflowing with denial from her sister to the guy she wanted to beg to not leave.”
Diluc stared at her with an open mouth. No wonder every word had spoken to him directly. They were for him.
“So what’s yours?”
“DCKZ’s dating ban ended yesterday.”
“Yes. I heard.”
There was tension in the room as she replied. She looked down with her cheeks starting to burn and he looked away from her. They both knew what he meant.
“You see, I didn’t know what to say so I…”
He took out a tissue paper from his pocket.
He had written it on a piece of tissue he took while lining up for the buffet. She had just left with 4NEMO and that was the first time he was able to see her that closely in years. They were in love but they were not happy. And destiny knows if they were meant to be together.
“How disastrous would it be for the world of Teyvat Entertainment if we dated again? I mean they were the reason we broke up in the first place. You don’t seem to be in love with someone else so I wanted to talk to you about it as soon as possible because I don’t think I can hold back any longer.”
She simply chuckled at his words. She was not mad or mocking him. She simply found his actions cute.
“Don’t worry…I think I can take back my goodbyes from that song.”
He smiles as he scoots himself closer to her. He places his hand with the palm facing up on the bench and in response, she places hers on top.
“So all the new hellos start now?”
—
“In private, huh?”
“Yup. Only way. Well, as of now.”
He looks at her dumbfounded. It was never like Jean to take risks like this with a career. He recalls having her back out of competitions and pageants if it meant that she had to risk losing something like her overall academic standing.
Yet he could only smile.
It had been a week after their chance encounter.
After that small moment of one hand on the other, Jean’s colleagues then started walking out of the hallway and into the hall. She quickly took her hand off of his. He stares at her in disbelief as she is able to immediately change her entire demeanor.
She had gone from the Jean he knew in high school to a Jean filled with more poise.
Without a proper goodbye, she had left him there on the bench leaving no trace that they had not talked about the seven lost years. No– they were not lost years. They were seven stolen years.
He slowly headed back to DCKZ’s table across the hall as Jean walked away. His brother already had a teasing look on his face as he got there.
“How was the reunion with your beloved muse?”
“Delightful.”
“Kaeya, your brother looks smitten. He might even have a fever.”
“It shows you and Zhongli weren’t with us growing up. Fever? He always looked like that when she was there. The garnet suddenly turns crimson around her.”
“So, I assume that you are going after her? With the dating ban being over and all.”
“I have to steal those seven years back. Of course I will, Zhongli.”
“Yet you did not even get her number?”
“She– she left abruptly. I wasn’t ghosted! Her colleagues just came and me being an idol and all…”
“Shush now. Here. From her friends.”
With Kaeya’s contribution, he ended up getting her number. He texted her the exact moment he put her digits into his phone. According to Childe, Diluc had such a smile painted on his face as he saw a certain blonde manager turn back– Childe wanted to throw up in disgust.
Now, a week later they sat in front of a practice room in the company building.
“How about the rumors? Won’t it affect…us? I mean 4NEMO might even get tangled up in our mess.”
“You can calm down a bit, ‘Luc.”
Jean then began to explain that she had already arranged a meeting with their company heads to discuss this relationship and to ensure that it wouldn’t affect anyone’s career. He could only smile at her.
“And, I could never be more glad to have dating rumors with the famous DCKZ’s Diluc.”
“4NEMO’s manager is the only woman I’d love to have dating rumors with.”
They giggle at their words.
“Jean– should I just announce our relationship to the public when I propose?”
“Don’t spoil me with your proposal at least. And, please don’t let me handle any PR work when you do.”