Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He wasn’t going to come to this. He had every intention of staying home and finish carving some of his latest projects. He didn’t even think of going. But once he sat eyes on her just walking down the street, he couldn’t help it.

He knew she didn’t want anything to do with him, she made that clear from the moment she stopped talking to him almost two years ago. Twenty months flew by without even an acknowledgement from her part even when they were in the same room. She wanted space and he would give it to her, it was the least he could do.

He was patient, he really was. Even the first days after their fight, he held off on his need to run to her, to talk it all through, to let her know that he was going to be by her side, no matter what. He held off, for the most part but, from time to time, he got to be a bit selfish.

He lingered a bit longer than necessary whenever they were in the same room, watching her as if it’d be the last time he’d be able to. His eyes would stay on her a few seconds too long whenever he saw her smiling or laughing with her friends. That was enough for him. It had to be. It had to.

That moment, was one of his selfish ones. When he saw her happily walk down the street towards the dance, his own body betrayed him, closing the book he was reading, turning the lights off and walking the same direction she did barely ten minutes before.

He thought it wouldn’t take long for him to find her. He knew how much she hated being the center of attention, that’s why the bar was the first place he placed his eyes on. But what he didn’t expect to find was Dina kissing her in the center of the dance floor. 

He couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Lord knows how long that girl had been pining over Dina without her even realizing it, she deserved it and he was more than happy about it. What he realized though, was that not everyone was as glad about the sight as he was.

Before he could do anything about it, he saw Seth lecturing the two girls. He didn’t know how to act, should he intervene? Would Ellie want him to? He pushed all those questions aside when the word ‘dyke’ came out of Seth’s mouth. It didn’t matter if she was fine with it or not, he wouldn’t just stand by as that old bastard spoke to her that way.

“Get the hell out of here.” He held off his anger as he pushed him away from the girls.

“Get your hands off me.” He didn’t think Seth’d dare talk back to him, turns out he didn’t really know what was good for him. He was seconds away from giving the old man a black eye when Maria intervened.

“Hey!” She reacted quickly to the fight, not wanting anything else to happen, but he was not happy about it. How dare he insult Ellie like that? As it turns out, Maria could also see his need for blood in his eyes, as she directed her next words to him. “Enough.”

Maria and Tommy didn’t waste any time dragging Seth away from him, and on his part, it didn’t even take ten seconds before he was diverting his attention towards Ellie and no one else.

“You alright, kiddo?” It was weird for that last word to come out of his mouth after so long, but he missed it.

“What is wrong with you?” The way she answered though? That, he did not miss.

“He had no right-“

“And you do?” That didn’t hurt as much as her next words did. “I don’t need your fucking help, Joel.”

“Right.” He just stood there for a couple of seconds before he walked away. What else could he do after that? Stay and argue with her while surrounded by the entire town? No, he embarrassed her enough for one night.

He went straight home, trying to think of something else, anything else to get her words out of his head. He tried to watch TV, read, carve, cook and even sleep, but nothing seemed to help.

‘I don’t need your fucking help, Joel.’

He then decided to sit down on the porch and play around on his guitar, trying to remember happier times, those moments where he taught Ellie how to play her first chords on that exact spot almost five years ago. But those words just wouldn’t go away.

‘I don’t need your fucking help, Joel.’

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to even rest, he decided to make some coffee. It would be a long night.

‘I don’t need your fucking help, Joel.’

He sat back down, this time with a full mug on his hand, when he saw her walk up his porch steps. Confused, he just got up, imitating her position on his railing.

“What’re you drinking?”

“Coffee.”

“Where’d you get that?”

“Uh, those people who came through last week. A little embarrassed as to what I had to trade to get it, but, uh- it’s not bad.” For just a brief second, it felt like old times, when she would find him watching the stars after she had supposedly gone to bed, but to no avail, deciding to go look for his company. That feeling didn’t last long.

“I had Seth under control.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And you need to stop harassing Jesse about my patrols.”

“Okay.” It wasn’t easy agreeing to any of it, but he didn’t have any other choice. He didn’t have any say in or about her life, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care. “Dina. Is she your girlfriend?”

“No.” She didn’t sound even half convinced, but he wouldn’t push her on it. “No. She- that was just one kiss. It doesn’t mean anything, she just- I don’t know why she did that.”

“You do like her.” She didn’t look surprised or appalled at his assumption.

“I’m so stupid.”

“Look, I have no idea what that girl’s intentions are, but- I do know she’d be lucky to have you.” He knew she wouldn’t take his words lightly, still angry and hurt about his actions, but he couldn’t help himself.

“You are such an asshole.”

“I’m not trying to-“ The last thing he wanted was another fight but he knew it was inevitable.

“I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would’ve fucking mattered. But you took that from me.” He had heard her say those words many different ways, many different times that day they fought. It didn’t make it any easier.

“If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment-“ he had never agreed with her words, and he thought his actions would be enough to convince her of her worth,  but if he had to make her listen to his words every damn day of her life to get it inside her head, he would. “I would do it all over again.”

“Yeah. I just- I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.” He knew that. Deep down he didn’t want to believe it, but he knew that. “But I would like to try.” He never knew six words would make him cry. But there’s always a first time for everything.

“I’d like that.” The night seemed to get a bit brighter.

“Okay. I’ll- I’ll see you around.” So much brighter.

“Yep.”

Those words from before disappeared, replaced by something much greater.

‘I’d like to try.’

Please do. Oh Lord, please do.

Chapter Text

Not a lot of people knew his name, something he did on purpose. Why would he spread that information around? To make his enemies - and he had a lot of them - find him easier? No, he never did that. Not until recently, that is.

He doesn’t know why he did it. He never did, not until he started going out on patrol in Jackson. He guesses the town made him soft, somehow, more trusting and at the same time, careless.

When Tommy and him got inside the house with the girl they just helped escape the horde - Abby, he seems to remember -, he didn’t exactly get a cozy feeling. That should’ve been a big enough warning for him to be even more careful than usual.

In retrospect, he was just glad to have made it through unscathed, and seeing Tommy so relaxed, offering them to pass by Jackson to restock, had him relax a bit more. He didn’t trust a lot of people’s judgement, but he would put his life on Tommy’s hands, no problem.

He might have to reconsider that a bit more now.

The bullet missed his knee by a miracle, going through his leg somewhat cleanly. It didn’t make it hurt any less, that’s for sure. Tommy was knocked out cold on the ground just a few meters away, and every son of a bitch was just hovering around him while Abby - who he guesses, is the mastermind behind all of it - kneels in front of him, a sick smile on her face.

“Joel Miller.” He can feel the venom of her words, but the bullet wound on his leg prevents him from feeling intimidated by it.

“Why are you doing this?” Somehow he gets those words out, instead of a simple grunt.

“Guess.” He doesn’t have either the energy nor the interest of doing so, he’s going to die anyways, right?

As Abby orders another girl to tourniquet his leg, he takes comfort in the fact that at least Ellie won’t see him go down this way. His mind goes back to just last night, the time when for the first time in months, he felt hopeful.

‘I’d like to try.’

‘Yeah, kiddo. Me too.’

——————

Nothing good must’ve happened if Joel and Tommy didn’t get to the lookout on time. If she knows anything about Joel, is that he takes patrols very seriously, and he would do anything to get to Jesse as soon as possible. He could be lost, hurt, kidnapped or worse, dead. 

No, he wouldn’t. He’s Joel, for God’s sake. He’ll be okay.

“Joel!” Her throat hurts from screaming his name.

In the back of her mind, she feels a bit guilty for not really caring for Tommy as much as she does for Joel. Because, even though he was the one helping her through the tough times during her last two years she hadn’t spoken with Joel, he wasn’t the one she felt closest to, even though it hurt her to admit it.

“Joel!” She couldn’t stop. She knew that if it was her in that situation, Joel would go to the depths of the Earth to find her, and she wouldn’t do any different.

In the distance she sees a bunch of infected burned to a crisp in front of a fence surrounding a big cabin, and as she looks closer, she sees light inside.

‘Joel.’

She doesn’t think about anything else as she finds a way inside the house, and once she hears him scream, she throws caution to the wind and opens the door where those awful noises that will hunt her at night were coming from.

She knew he’d be hurt. She knew, that it would take something awful for Joel to scream that way. But she didn’t want to believe it, not until she saw him laying on the floor, beaten to a pulp, almost unconscious.

Unable to control herself, she walked into the room. All those years of training, all those months spent with Joel clearing room after room, not leaving one spot unchecked behind, didn’t seem to exist anymore, and she just waltzed in as if there was no one else inside, but him.

It didn’t take long for one of the motherfuckers inside to grab her and pin her to the ground. She was careless, and she knew that. She really didn’t care.

“Joel!” She didn’t know when she started crying. Could be when she heard him scream, or when she saw him, or maybe she’d been crying all the way over there and she didn’t even realize.

Her ears are ringing, so much so, that she can’t even understand what they are fighting about. She doesn’t really care anymore though, if they kill Joel, they might as well kill her.

“Joel, please. Get up. Get up!” She has stopped trying to get out of their hold, she knows it’s impossible. “Please. Please, Joel. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me!” Everyone’s eyes are on her for a few seconds, but her gaze is fixed on him. “Please don’t do this. Please. He’s all I have. He’s all I have.”

Her tears are making her vision blur, but somehow she can see his arm move towards her, almost as if he wanted her to take his hand. Bastard. Even then, he was the one trying to comfort her.

“He’s a monster. He deserves it.” A few months back, and in other circumstances that didn’t involve him dying, she would’ve agreed, but not now.

“Stop, please. Let him go. I need him! I need him. Please.” Her voice is hoarse, she can feel it, but she won’t stop.

“He deserves this!” Her aggressiveness makes her hold her breath for a few seconds.

“I don’t care what he deserves and what he doesn’t! Just stop this! Let him go!” The grip on the golf club the girl had been using on Joel, got tighter and tighter.

“Shut up.” Like hell.

“Joel. Get up. Don’t do this to me, get up!”

“Shut up.” She wouldn’t let him down. Not now.

“You promised! You promised you’d always be here for me! Don’t leave me now! You can’t!” Somehow, her words seem to have some kind of effect on the guy that holds her down, and taking advantage, Ellie pushes him off of her, running as fast as she can towards Joel. She throws herself at him - mindful of his injuries - and no one seems to stop her.

She runs a hand through his bloody hair, checking for any deadly injuries on his head. She lets out a sight of relief through her tears when she doesn’t find anything too serious.

“Joel. Please look at me, Joel.” His eyes meet hers as she dries as many tears as she can. Meanwhile, everyone stands shocked in their place. She even hears some ‘we can’t do this’ around her. “Stay with me, okay? Don’t leave me.”

The motherfucker with the golf club get closer to them, but Ellie doesn’t care. If she dies, she dies with him.

“Get off of him.” Her eyes never leave Joel. “I said, get off!” From the corner of her eye, she sees a man put his hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“Stop this, Abby.” ‘Abby’. The motherfucker’s name’s Abby. “You’ve done enough.”

“Enough? He killed my dad, Owen. He’s not getting off this easy.” The venom in her words makes Owen take a step back.

“We didn’t sign up for this, Abby. We wanted to help you, but not like this.”

“Then go! Leave me alone and go!”

“I understand what you are going through, okay Abs? But if you end this, you’ll be doing  to her the same thing he did to you.” At those words, her grip on the club softens. “We didn’t know he had a kid. That changes things for us, okay? We want to help you, we really do. But we won’t go through this, and we won’t let you go through it either.” Ellie just wants them to go, to leave them alone and just go. 

Abby’s eyes stay fixed on Owen’s for what feels like an eternity until she drops the club to the ground, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

“Don’t follow us. If you do, I won’t hesitate to kill you.” Ellie knows those words are directed to her, so she just nods.

Her attention on Abby doesn’t last too long, keeping a continuous but soft rhythm of her hand through Joel’s hair.

“You are going to be okay, Joel. You’ll see. We’ll be okay. I’ll get you out of here.” She keeps mumbling words of encouragement to him, even though they are mostly to keep herself sane.

Chapter Text

It took one hour for Dina and Jesse to find them, all thanks to Tommy. She doesn’t know exactly how - she was too focused on keeping Joel conscious - but he got them both to the cabin.

The whole trip back was a blur. She doesn’t remember much, her head started spinning the second she saw the makeshift slay Tommy and Dina made for Joel. At that moment, her mind went straight to the time Joel almost died, barely seven years ago.

Joel. Falling. Crowbar. David. Blood. Hunters. Cold. David. Fire. Cannibals. David. Death. David.

‘Stop.’

Her brain kept circling around the same images, not letting her concentrate on anything else. It got so bad that Dina had to tie her horse, Shimmer, to her own, and get Ellie to ride with her.

“You are in no condition to go on your own horse, Ellie. Get up.”

‘Get up Joel. Get up!’

She didn’t even have to nod, she just got on Japan and wrapping her arms around Dina as tight as she could. She doesn’t remember anything else.

“You should get those wounds checked out.” Those words got her out of her trance, and looking around, she found herself back on the stables at Jackson. How had they gotten there so fast?

“Huh?” Once she steps foot on the ground, her head starts pounding.

‘Oh, yeah, right. They hit me in the head.’

“I’m fine, I’ll get it checked out after they see Joel.” Without another word, she walks out, leaving Jesse to deal with the horses. No one stops her. It’s a relatively short walk from the stables to the small little clinic, less than ten minutes,. She got there in three.

“Ellie.” Maria stops her before she opens the door to where she knows Joel is. “You can’t go in there yet. They are checking him out. Damian will come out when he knows what he’ll be dealing with.”

“I can’t leave him in there alone.” Her eyes are fixed on the doorknob, her hand shaking.

“He’s safe. And I’m sorry, but you look like shit. You should go home and take a shower.” She knows she doesn’t mean any harm, she’s just trying to get her to relax, but she’s tired, scared and angry, she doesn’t take her words well.

“Well, I’m sorry. I just spent hours under heavy snow just to find Joel beaten to a pulp on the ground. I’m sorry if I look like shit. That tends to happen when they kick you in the head and when you try to get your d- Joel’s blood out of his eyes to keep him conscious.”

She didn’t mean to come off as mean, she just didn’t want to deal with anyone else, and Maria seemed to get her message, loud and clear. She always admired Maria.

“Well, okay then. Just don’t get inside, okay? Wait for Damian to come out.” Putting her hand on Ellie’s shoulder, she rubs softly. “I’m going to go check on my husband. I’ll be back soon.” The second Maria leaves, Ellie slides to the floor, sobbing.

Just five minutes later, the door opens as Damian comes out. As quickly as possible, Ellie cleans her tears and as she goes to stand, Damian crouches in front of her.

“How is he?” The gruff in her voice gives away her breakdown, she doesn’t care.

“I won’t lie to you. It isn’t pretty.” Her head hits the wall a bit too hard. “But I’m confident he’ll be okay.” Getting tired of the position, Damian sits crosslegged in front of her. “Joel’s a tough guy, he’ll be fine. The worst of his injuries is the bullet wound on his leg, but luckily it went through and through and it didn’t do too much damage. I’ve fixed as much as I can and now it’ll just take meds and rest.” Placing his hand on her knee, he smiles softly. “He’s a lucky guy to have you, Ellie. One more blow and he wouldn’t be laying there right now.” Patting her knee a few times, he gets up. “You saved him.”

Walking away, Damian leaves her alone. She could start dissecting what those words mean for her and her relationship with Joel, but she won’t. Right now, she needs to see him, to make sure he really is okay.

Once she gets inside, she sees him hooked to a bunch of cables she has no clue what they do. Slowly, she approaches him, standing still once she gets close enough to see his chest going up and down.

‘He’s breathing.’

That thought alone makes her break down, grabbing his hand with her shaky ones, trying not to unhook any cables.

“I’m sorry, Joel. I should’ve- I should’ve gotten there sooner. Maybe none of this would’ve happened.” Kneeling on his bedside, she lays her forehead on their joined hands. “I’m sorry. Please be okay. I promise I’ll do better.”

Her head and knees hurt, but it is all worth it when he feels the soft clench of his hand on hers.

—————

“Where’s Ellie?”

Dina had known Ellie Williams for almost five years, ever since she first set foot in Jackson. Even then, she saw how especial of a girl she was. Back then she was a tiny and quiet fourteen-year-old kid who didn’t go anywhere without Joel.

She didn’t really bond with Dina at first, too in her own little world to care for anything else. It took Dina months to finally find a place for her on Ellie’s heart, and once she did, she knew she couldn’t do anything to lose it.

Even back then, she had been with Jesse. They had an on-and-off relationship ever since they started, but it was comfortable and fun, so she never complained. But sometimes, she saw how much it made Ellie uncomfortable.

In the beginning, she had hoped that it was because she was kind of into her. Dina had never been with a woman, that didn’t mean she hadn’t thought about it. But the thought of being with Ellie? It made her giddy.

She quickly got that possibility out of her mind when she saw her with Cat. They were cute, she couldn’t deny that, and she might’ve been biased, but Dina didn’t think Cat was good enough for her.

The moment they broke up though, she couldn’t quite understand it. They seemed happy together, as much as it hurt her to admit it. Why would they brake it off all of a sudden? It didn’t make sense, not until she heard Cat one day at the restaurant.

“It was always ‘Dina this, Dina that.’ She was always on every conversation, I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Could she-? No, Ellie was her friend. She wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that, even if she would regret it in the future. Either way, as outspoken as she was, she never thought she’d be able to confess anything, not to Ellie.

Thankfully, a couple of months and some drinks later, she got the job done without really having to confess anything to her. And as it seems, it didn’t affect their relationship. They danced, they kissed, they got yelled at by some biggot and yet, they made out once again. It was all going great.

That was, until Joel and Tommy went missing. She for one, didn’t think it was a good idea to split up, especially when it concerned Joel and Ellie. She might’ve been distant from Joel for some unknown reason to Dina, but Ellie still loved the man. Either way, she also saw Ellie’s point of finding them faster that way, so she didn’t complain.

It took two hours of search under the blizzard to see Tommy’s signal in the distance, and another forty minutes for her to get to the house, where Jesse had gotten just two minutes before her.

Once she saw Tommy’s bloodied face, she got worried and when she saw Ellie kneeled over Joel’s body, she feared the worst. Thankfully, the man was still breathing, and with a bit of wood, a mattress, some blankets and a rope, they were able to get Joel tied to Jesse’s horse.

The ride back to Jackson was quiet, but not really uncomfortable, but then again, it was what they needed. On the other hand, Dina was thankful she had thought about asking Ellie not to ride her own horse, seeing as she was completely slumped over her back.

Her arms around her seemed to ground her, but at the same time, comfort her, because as worried as she was for Tommy and Joel, she was ten times more worried for Ellie, and feeling her close to her, made her more relieved than she thought possible.

Once they got to Jackson though, Ellie was still kind of out of it. Her mind was elsewhere and somehow, it made her look like the Ellie she first laid eyes on, something she didn’t think she would ever see.

Getting down from her horse, Dina told Jesse to take care of Ellie while she went look for some alcohol to clean her wounds. Once she got back though, Ellie was nowhere to be seen.

“She went to check on Joel.” Sighting, she left the stables and walked all the way to the clinic, finding the reception empty. Seeing the furthest door ajar, she decided to take a look, finding her kneeled down next to Joel’s unconscious body, crying.

Walking towards her slowly, she kneels down next to her, placing her hand on her shoulder.

“El, he’s fine.” Not getting any answer, Dina gets closer, slowly wrapping her arm over her shoulder. Calmly, she sets the alcohol and bandages on the ground and starts to move Ellie away from the bed and on to her embrace. “He’s okay. You are okay.” As her cries get softer and softer, she hears Ellie whisper.

“I can’t lose him, Dina.” Running a hand up and down Ellie’s back, she places a soft kiss on top of her head.

“You won’t.”

Chapter Text

He was never a good sleeper, and ever since the outbreak, it had gotten even worse. Being surrounded by infected everywhere he went, forced him to stay alert at all times, even when he was supposed to be sleeping.

It got a bit better once he got a place on the Boston QZ, but that was when the nightmares started. When he had to survive on the outside, his brain was too occupied to even dream at night, but once he got the closest thing to normalcy a quarantine zone could give him, there came the flases of Sarah.

They all started simple enough, Sarah playing football, at the beach, playing with her uncle Tommy on the swings, watching TV or helping him cook pancakes. It was always the end that got him, every time she would look him straight in the eyes, he could see blood all over her stomach, a bullet wound he never saw coming.

Just like real life.

The nightmares stopped once he got out of Boston with Ellie, his mind too focused, at first, on not getting bitten by a runner or a clicker at night, and after, on protecting Ellie at all costs.

Then, something weird started happening. The more attached he got to the girl, the more he could feel the nightmares coming back, but the eerie feeling of an infected near by, never left his body. His awful dreams got more constant, but it wasn’t Sarah this time, it was Ellie.

Ellie smiling, reading comics while he drives, telling puns, laughing uncontrollably at awful jokes or even running after rabbits, all that to be taken away by her getting infected or killed by a clicker. The feeling of bliss always ended any both ways, but his brain got even more creative after the Winter.

Almost losing her to hunters after barely coming out of it alive himself, scarred him more than he would like to admit. Finding her striking a machete repeatedly on a guy’s head after being kidnapped by cannibals, was the worst image his brain had to process ever since the outbreak, ever since Sarah.

With time, especially when they settled down in Jackson, that memory started to disappear from his brain, or at least, his mind hid it somewhere he couldn’t find. Their life got simpler, more normal, the life a girl like Ellie deserved. And even though he knew it wouldn’t last forever, simply because he knew she would find out the truth about Salt Lake one day, he found comfort in the fact that he never, not once, did he have a nightmare about it.

In a way, he thought that was his brain telling him unconsciously that no matter how awful his actions were, it led to something good in the end. Every memory of Ellie living a normal life in Jackson replaced the images of Salt Lake the moment they came to mind.

Once the truth came out though, his brain betrayed him. Seeing Ellie so angry carved a hole so big on his heart, it left it wounded for what felt like forever, irreparable. Her words wouldn’t leave his mind, turning a memory he always found bittersweet, but with a happy ending - like Salt Lake City - to a nightmare he could never get rid of.

This time around, he’s not asleep, at least he doesn’t think he is, but he can’t see anything, no video of his life flashing before his eyes, just like the movies said it’d happen.

It’s all black. Nothing. Only sounds surround his brain, clicks and beeps that don’t seem to make a whole lot of sense to him. It isn’t until he hears a door opening that his brain starts to work a bit more sharply.

Words are spoken on what he assumes is another room, and he can’t do anything but try to decipher intelligible mumblings. After a while, he gets tired, and as he starts to drift off, he feels something gracing his hand.

He wants to move, to open his eyes and see who it is, but nothing seems to be working. Silence fills the room until he hears a sniff.

‘Ellie’

She then seems to break down, grabbing his hand tighter. Oh Lord, what he would give to  just squeeze, to let her know he was there.

“I’m sorry, Joel. I should’ve- I should’ve gotten there sooner. Maybe none of this would’ve happened.” Oh God, not that. “I’m sorry. Please be okay. I promise I’ll do better.”

Do better? What’s there for her to do better? She’s just a kid, she should’ve never had to go through any of that. Never. He just wishes he could tell her that, to hold her and never let her go.

“El, he’s fine.”

‘Dina’

He might not be able to comfort her, but if he knows one thing about that girl, is that he would do anything to make Ellie happy.

“He’s okay. You are okay.” He just hopes she listens to her, at least once.

“I can’t lose him, Dina.” It’s then that Dina seems to read his mind, verbalizing the words he so wishes to get out.

“You won’t.”

——————

Dina fell asleep a couple of hours after she came in. As Ellie looks at her, she can’t help but wonder what did she do to deserve her. Not only did she help her look for Joel and clean her wounds, she has always been there when Ellie needed her, always. She felt as if she could tell Dina anything, and coming from her, that was big.

As she daydreams about her, forgetting for a second everything that happened barely five hours ago, she doesn’t seems to see Joel’s hand fidgeting, or his eyes twitching. It’s only when the monitor starts to beep a bit faster, that she turns her head.

Was something going on? Was he dying? Should she call Damian? Wake Dina? Her brain spirals, and as she gets up to call the doctor, she sees his eyes open slightly. She then lets out a whisper.

“Joel?” Walking slowly towards him, she feels her whole body shaking. “Joel, can you hear me?” He seems to be trying to open his eyes, but once he gets close to doing it, they close once again. “Come on, Joel. You can do it.” After what feels like an eternity, his eyes seem to stay open. “Joel.” She has no idea how many times she’s cried today, but she doesn’t seem to care. Instinctively, she bends down and hugs him, trying her hardest not to hurt him.

She knows he’s dying to talk, to tell her some reassuring words, but all he lets out is a soft grunt. To him it might not be much, but to her it’s so much more. It’s a sign telling her that he is truly alive.

“Don’t you dare do that to me again, you hear me? Not again.” Just then, she feels his hand on her back, trying as hard as he can to hug her back. “I’m so glad you are okay. I’m so glad. So glad.”

Chapter Text

“I suggest someone stays with you, your leg is healing fine so far, but you are going to need help for a lot of stuff.” Checking the data on his chart, Damian lets everyone around the room know his status before leaving.

Ellie hasn’t left his room for more than one hour each day, and simply because she had to take a shower. He was more than glad to have her by his side, but the girl needed to live her own life, not hover over him, worrying. He was thankful Dina stayed with her for hours every single day, he wasn’t good company these days. 

She got restless and he could see it, even though she wouldn’t admit it. He got tired easy and it wasn’t until a couple of days ago that he was able to talk for more than five minutes.

“He can stay in our place, right Maria?” Tommy always asked Maria permission for everything these days. Twenty years ago, he would’ve told his little brother he was whipped, but after dealing with Maria for more than five years, he can understand him.

Both of them came to visit a lot as well, not only to check on him, but because they didn’t want to leave Ellie alone. 

“No way, Tommy. I’ll stay with him.” He knew Ellie would offer, but again, she’s a kid. She should be going out with Dina, not taking care of him.

“I know you want to help, kid, but he’ll be more comfortable with us.” And let the arguing begin.

“I can take care of him, Tommy. I’ve done it before and you know it.” His brother stays quiet after that, knowing that everything he says from that point forward can be used against him.

“Well then, why don’t we just split the week? I stay with him on weekdays and you stay with him on weekends.” Joel can’t help but scoff at his idea.

“Would you stop it, you two? I’m not a dog or the kid of some divorced parents.” Not really getting the joke, Ellie doesn’t laugh, meanwhile Maria tries very hard not to.

“You will stay with me Joel, you know I can take care of you.”

“Don’t listen to her, big brother, she’s just a kid. We’ll give you the room downstairs, you won’t even have to go up a single stair, just like the doctor ordered.”

“Okay, okay. Both of you, that’s enough. I know how long a fight between those two Millers can be.” Maria points at Joel and Tommy. “I don’t need to find out how long the one with these two Millers is.” This time she points at Ellie and Tommy.

Joel can see the girl blush aggressively while Tommy just frowns. Thankful, Joel smiles to Maria, who just winks.

“No need for that. Thank you for you offer little brother, but Ellie lives in my backyard, she’s closer.” Ellie looks at Tommy, a smirk on her face. “You’ll help her get my mattress downstairs. And kiddo, there’s no need for you to stay at the house, you can stay on your room.” Of course he knows she’ll refuse, but he has to at least try, right?

——————

“Do you need help over there?” Sighting, Joel cleans the sweat off his forehead.

“No. I don’t need-“ trying to get up, he drops everything off the counter. “I don’t need help.”

“You sure about that?” He can hear Ellie’s smirk from the other side of the door. “Because to me, it sounds like you went to take a shit and now you can’t get up.” As he puts his head in his hands, the girl just laughs. “Oh, well. Just holler if you need me.”

It takes him a few tries, but five minutes later, he limps out of the bathroom. Of course, Ellie, the little shit, stares at him from the couch, grinning.

“You did it. You are finally a big boy.” Scoffing, Joel drops on the couch next to her. “Want some water? You sure do look tired after that workout.” Snorting, he slaps her arm softly.

It’s moments like this that make it all worth it for him. His body hurts everywhere, but seeing Ellie so happy around him again after so long, makes him excited for the future.

“Shut up, brat.” Dropping his head back, he closes his eyes.

“You do want the water, don’t you?” Once again, he can hear Ellie’s smirk. He has no idea how he does, but he can. “Oh my God, you do.” He doesn’t even give her an answer, he doesn’t deem it necessary.

Not counting the snafu from the bathroom, the day ends up being amazing. Somehow Ellie found ‘Curtis and Viper 2’ and even though he loves it, he finds himself watching her reactions more than the movie itself.

He missed this, missed her sarcasm, her awful commentaries during movies, her laugh at any stupid joke, he just missed her. 

“That movie was awful, Joel.” Running a hand through her hair, she giggles. “It was awfully amazing!”

“Glad you liked it, kiddo.” Knowing it was time for a rambling about the ins-and-outs of the movie, he just gets himself comfortable.

“Oh well, let’s just hope I can find the third one somewhere. In the meantime, you should go to sleep, it’s late.” ‘What?’ Since when does she just leave after watching a movie?

Seeing her get up and carrying every plate and glass to the kitchen, he realizes what happens. She isn’t comfortable enough with him yet, somehow he could feel it all day, but he just didn’t want to read too much into it.

Recalling the day, he did see her smiling, but it didn’t reach her eyes, her puns and jokes were scarce and he could only hear her laugh three times during the whole movie. When they saw ‘Curtis and Viper 1’ years ago, she would laugh at every inconsistency in the movie, today she just scoffed.

‘Maybe -’ he thinks ‘- she just needs a bit more time.’

“Okay then. You okay getting into bed on your own?” She’s nervous, he can tell. About what, he has no idea.

“Yeah. You in a rush to get somewhere?” Meeting his eyes, she shakes her head.

“No, not really. I just uh- I told Dina I’d meet her after we watched the movie.” He would’ve believed her if she hadn’t hesitated and fidgeted with her hands. After so many years and so many lies, he knows her tells.

“Oh, okay.” Lie or no lie, he won’t push her. She’ll tell him when she’s comfortable enough. Confronting her about a lie would just make him a hypocrite, wouldn’t it?

“Well then, uh- I’ll see you in the morning, Joel.” Grabbing her jacket, she walks to the door. “Please don’t fall while I’m gone, I know the ground is comfy, but wait until I’m here.” ‘Little shit.’ “Okay, good night!”

He has no idea what she’s up to, but he has a feeling he’s not going to like it. He just hopes that for once, his hunch is wrong.

Chapter Text

She hates lying to Joel, but she knows she can’t tell him what she’s planning to do. Truth be told, it wasn’t all her idea, Tommy was in on it too. But that wouldn’t be enough to let her go through with it, not for Joel.

Ellie knows how protective he gets over her, so admitting that she’s planned to hunt down the motherfuckers that beat the shit out of him, wouldn’t go well for her.

The thought of finding them and killing them never left her mind, but it wasn’t until Tommy let her know - in not a very subtle way - his idea to actually look for them, that it became possible in her head.

‘Don’t follow us. If you do, I won’t hesitate to kill you.’

Well, fuck them. They came into their home trying to kill one of their own, they wouldn’t get away unscathed. If Ellie had any say in it, they wouldn’t even get out alive.

Maria, on the other hand, who overheard one of the conversation they had on the beginning, convinced her husband to not let the outcome of what she calls ‘Hunting Season’, get too extreme. Ironically, the word ‘hunting’ usually implies killing, and Ellie let her know that on multiple occasions, but Maria’s never budged.

Ellie has always respected Maria’s morals, she never lets anything get out of hand if it’s not necessary, killing isn’t always the answer. For her though, killing is what she knows, it’s how she’s made it out alive so many times all these years. It’s easy, less possibilities of anyone screwing her over. If she thinks about it, Abby letting them get out alive, was her biggest mistake.

Either way, Ellie has to follow Maria’s rules, whether she likes them or not. She sometimes imagines killing them, - although it’s always Abby she dreams about - and whenever Maria confronts her about it, she just takes out the self-defense card. The woman is too clever though, in reality she knows she would never get away with that.

She’ll have to stick to finding and capturing Abby and the rest, taking them back to Jackson, and letting Maria and everyone else who is in charge decide their fate. She knows the most likely outcome will be imprisonment, but she doesn’t know if that’ll be enough for her.

The thought of having them so near to her home, to Joel, would keep her awake every night. What if they escape and decide to finish what they started? What if she’s not fast enough to save Joel this time? She hopes - no - she prays, they die.

But that’s all a pipe dream so far, because no matter how many teams they send out searching, no one seems to find any trace of them. They couldn’t have gone too far, being surrounded by mountains it’s as much an advantage as a disadvantage.

No matter if they went on foot, horse or car, it’d take them at least a week to get out of the surrounding areas, especially with the huge amount of snow they’ve had the last couple of days.

The snowstorms haven’t stopped and that gives her hope. She knows the weather must have made them stop for a few days, they for sure aren’t as well equipped as the teams in Jackson, so she’s ninety percent sure they’ll find them eventually.

As she nears Tommy and Maria’s house, she prays they’ll have some good news for her, and seeing Tommy open the door even before she sets foot on their porch, gets her excited.

“They found them.” She stops dead on her tracks the second she hears those words.

“Where?”

“On an old cabin three hours away. They had been staying there the last couple of days. Were running out of food and got careless, that’s how one of our teams found them. They are good at hiding, but our people took their opportunity.” Those are the best words Ellie’s heard in days, she just can’t believe it.

“So they have them? They are taking them here, to Jackson?” Shaking his head, Tommy scratches the back of his head.

“They are waiting on reinforcements, the group that found them was a small one, they couldn’t possibly take on so many people.”

“Who are you sending then?” She doesn’t need to hear his answer when she notices him wearing his backpack. “Oh.”

“Yeah, I’m taking Nadia, Burt and Jamie with me, Maria’s orders.”

“But, what about me? You can’t just leave me here. I can help!” Shaking his head, Tommy steps out to the porch, fully closing the front door.

“Joel would freak, Ellie, you know that-“

“It doesn’t matter! I deserve to go, do you not understand that?”

“Deserve? Kid-“ the man sights “- I know what you are thinking, okay? If I let you come with me, you will disobey Maria’s order and you’ll just end it there. I know you-“ opening her mouth to protest, Tommy raises a hand just to stop her “- I know you, Ellie. I know how much you love my brother, but we won’t kill them, we’ll bring them here. And frankly, I can’t trust you won’t just straight up murder them, so you are staying here. I’m sorry.” She just stands in the same spot dumbfounded, as Tommy walks away.

That was utter bullshit.

———————

He couldn’t sleep, it’s 5 am and Ellie’s lie won’t leave his head. He trusts her, he really does, but he knows how much stress she’s been on these couple of days, and he knows how irrational she can get. That’s why, when he sees Dina walking down the street with no sign of Ellie anywhere, he gets worried. As fast as he can manage, he gets up of his makeshift bed and walks to the front door.

“Dina!” The girl stops in her tracks and turns around, confused.

“Joel? What are you doing up so early?” The man starts walking - or limping, most accurately - towards her.

“I could ask you the same thing, kid.”

“Touché.” She simply answers with a smile.

“Where’s Ellie?” Confused, she just frowns.

“Ellie? Uh-“ scratching the back of her neck, she sights “uhm- I don’t-“

“She told me she was going to spend some time tonight at your place.”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, you see Mr. Miller-“ raising an eyebrow, Joel stares at Dina. “She got tired, so she just-“

“Why don’t you spare me the bullshit, kid. Do you know where she is or not?” As she opens her mouth to answer, they her a ruckus near the front gates. Without another word, both of them approach the gate.

‘What have you done kiddo?’

Chapter Text

Ellie’s never been particularly good at following orders. Ever since she can remember, she never had a problem getting her way. Either she didn’t do what she was told, or she snuck around behind everyone’s back and did her thing anyways. Everyone knew that.

That’s why, when Tommy found her riding her horse right behind them, he didn’t do anything but sigh. He had a much bigger problem to deal with, finding Abby and her crew, all the while keeping Ellie safe.

“You stay right behind us the whole time, you got that?”

“Sir, yes sir.” She can’t help but mock, mimicking what she used to do when she was in military school way back when.

“I’m serious Ellie, don’t do anything stupid.” Truth be told, she didn’t want to do anything stupid either, it just sort of happened.

The crew that found Abby and the others were waiting for them at a strategic place where no one inside the cabin could see them. When Tommy, Ellie and the others got to them, they didn’t waste any time explaining their plan and putting it in motion.

“Jamie and Hector will go around the back, Nico will stay on the left side, Burt on the right, Nadia and I will go through the front and Ellie will keep watch from here.”

“But-“ Ellie, of course was not happy about it, but Tommy wouldn’t deal with any of her complaints.

“No buts. I told you I didn’t want you to come, but you came anyways. I’m telling you to stay here, so you stay. Got it?” Nodding, because she knows there won’t be no convincing him, Ellie lets the others go, staying in place but never taking her eyes from the front door of the cabin.

She sees everyone go inside as she hears a couple of shots fired. She prays no one gets hurt except those fucking bastards.

A few minutes after they get inside, she sees movement from the corner of her eye and suddenly a figure tackles her to the ground. Not knowing who it could be, Ellie just tries to get out of their hold. Kicking and punching don’t do much good in the situation, so she does the next best thing, and she bites them in the wrist.

“Fucking bitch!” As she is let go, Ellie can finally see who the attacker really is.

‘Fucking Abby.’

Taking out her gun, Ellie points it at Abby, her hand shaking slightly from the shock of the whole situation.

“Don’t fucking move or I’ll shoot you!” Panting, Abby just tries to keep pressure on the bite. After a couple of seconds, she starts to move slowly towards Ellie. “I told you to stay still! I won’t hesitate to put a bullet through your fucking scull, you hear me?” Seeing the rage in Ellie’s eyes, Abby decides to stop moving.

It takes less than three minutes for the rest of the team to come back to her spot with Abby’s crew tied up. In those three minutes, Ellie couldn’t help but run through the many ways she could just end Abby’s life, either slowly - her favorite - or quickly. Either way, she restrains herself and waits for everyone else to return.

“Good job, kid.” Tommy says as he pats her shoulder, letting her know she can drop the gun.

The ride back to Jackson is done in silence, at least from her part. Abby’s crew though, never stop complaining as they walk tied up behind their horses. Ellie’s brain doesn’t seem to process it though, because before she knows it, they are waiting for Jackson to open its doors, and once it does, they walk triumphantly inside, surrounded by the entire town, curious as to see who were the ones who dared to attack Joel and Tommy.

—————

Joel’s eyes never leave Ellie’s figure as she slowly approaches them. His brain can’t even start to process everything going on, just seeing Ellie alive and well is enough for him to breath more easily.

She seems calm and somehow collected, but her eyes tell him another story. He’s seen that look too many times on his own mirror not to recognize it. She’s lost. She has no idea what to do, what to say, what to feel. Should she feel happy that they caught the bastards? Should she feel disappointed that she couldn’t kill her right on the spot? His brain feels somehow connected to hers, as he’s sure those thoughts are as much on his brain as in hers.

He prayed for them to die, he can’t and won’t deny that, a world where none of this happened, where Ellie could still live happy and without a single worry, exactly as it was just a couple of years ago. And still, he doesn’t feel worthy of such happiness.

They are Fireflies, that much he could figure out, why else would they come after him so heavily? They are young, too young to feel the need of revenge at that level. But he guesses they didn’t have any other way to keep going, after all, he was the one that took away the possibility of a brighter future for everyone, right? His selfishness, his need to protect those he loved, was what made him take such drastic measures. What was he supposed to do though? Leave Ellie to die? After all they had been through? Just for the possibility of a cure working? A vaccine, it’s what they told him. A vaccine that would save the world. What world? A place full of murderers, cannibals, predators and pedophiles? That’s who Ellie should give her life for? Over his dead body. That reasoning is what kept him going all this time, it’s what helped him not go insane, especially these past couple of years. And even after all of it, he still stands by it.

“Let us go, pinches pendejos!” The guy with the bun says as he struggles with his tied hands. Seemingly tired of their protests, one of the guys slams the back of his rifle on his stomach, making him double down in pain.

“Shut up. Quit your fucking annoying complaints, I’ve had enough of it the last three hours. God.” Leaving him on the ground, the guy just backs off, never taking the barrel of his gun from the group.

Joel just stares at the scene unfolding in front of him. No one seems to notice him there, he guesses he’s just another concerned citizen trying to take a look at what’s going on. Truth be told, he feels better that way, his body - and truthfully, his mind - isn’t ready for any kind of conflict.

“Are those the guys that attacked you?” He clearly doesn’t seem to notice the question is directed at him, only turning around when a finger pokes his back. He expected Paul or Henry, two of the most annoyingly gossips in town, not a bunch of teenagers clearly awaken by the mess of it all.

“Who are you?” The kid brave enough to talk to him, just stares at him, while the others can’t help but divide their attention from the newcomers to him.

“Jason. Nadia’s kid.” Frowning, Joel just stares at him. “I live down the street?” Not ringing any bells, Joel starts to turn around. “What does it matter? I just asked you a question.” Sighing, the older man just keeps his eyes trained on Ellie.

“What’s it to you, kid?” Jason shrugs.

“Curiosity. It’s not everyday we get prisoners here. Matter of fact, it’s the first time we’ve had any.”

“Yeah, I guess there’s a first time for everything.” Not bothering with anything else, Joel just walks away from them.

——————

“What are we going to do with them?” It’s the first thing that comes out of Ellies mouth.

If it was up to her, she would interrogate them, no limits in place. They wanted Joel to suffer? Well, she’s always heard that Karma’s a bitch, and in this case, Karma has a name, Ellie Williams.

“We’ll take them to custody, we’ll get some guys to watch over them. We’ve had a makeshift prison for years, never had to use it other than for some drunkwards here and there, but it’s secure.” Taking his stuff from the horse, he gives the reins to Burt, who takes it back to the stables. “Later, we’ll make sure to interrogate all of them. After that, it’s up to Maria. She’ll decide to either be merciful or merciless, so for their sake, they better get on her good side, although they have made one hell of a bad first impression.” Putting his backpack on, he places a hand on her shoulder. “You should go back home, make sure my dumbass of a big brother is alright. If he’s away, he’ll be looking for you.” Slowly nodding, she gathers her things, lets someone else take Shimmer back to the stables and starts walking away.

“You.” Abby’s voice makes her stop dead on her tracks. “I told you to leave us the fuck alone. We let you both live and this is how you repay us?” Her knuckles start to turn white from the pressure on her backpack stripes. “It’s not enough that we let him live after what he’s done? He deserved to die but we stopped because of you!” It doesn’t even take two seconds for Ellie to be as close to Abby as she dares to get.

“You better shut your mouth. You expected to almost kill him and for us not to come after you? I don’t know from what kind of fucked up place you come from, but here? When someone comes after one of our own, we don’t just let them go that easily. Just be thankful I didn’t put a bullet through your skull when I had the chance.” Not wanting to hear anything else, she gets back on her way.

“Like father like daughter I guess, huh?” Her breathing starts to get heavier, and as she turns around to pound at her, a hand on her arm stops her.

“Don’t.” Joel’s voice is enough for her to start breathing easier.

“Oh, I see. When it’s you, you get to kill as many as you please, but when it’s your precious little girl, she doesn’t get the chance. Is that right?” As calmly as he can, she gets Ellie behind him, his attention fully focused on the girl in front of him.

“I would stop talking if I were you.” The laugh that escapes the girl’s throat gets everyone’s attention.

“What are you going to do? Kill me? Just like you did my dad?” In two big steps, he’s as close to her as Ellie was just thirty seconds ago.

“You better stop with this bullshit, you hear me? You still have a fucking chance of getting out of here, what do you want to do? Waste it?”

“Getting out of here? Why the fuck would they do that? After all, we almost killed one of their own, isn’t that what little missy over there said?” As low as Joel tried to speak, the girl doesn’t seem to mind, trying to get everyone’s attention seems to be her plan. “If I were you, I wouldn’t let me out. This time, I wouldn’t let you live.” The venom in her voice, pierces Joel’s skin, and knowing Ellie heard it too, he reacts before she can, and even though his eyes never leave Abby’s, he grabs a hold of Ellie’s arm -again- just before she throws a punch at the girl’s face.

“It’s not that I wanted it to happen, but you just destroyed your only chance of getting out of here.” After getting Ellie to take a few steps back, he sighs. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for what happened with your father, it wasn’t personal.” Those words, instead of making her drop the conversation, make her get even angrier.

“You dammed the world, Joel Miller. Not just my father. You fucked it all up. And for what? For a girl you just met a year before?” He can feel everyone’s eyes trained on him, burning the back of his head, trying to understand what she meant by those words. “You disgust me.” After a few seconds and a venomous laugh, she continues. "Just imagine, a better world.”

“You better shut up.” His fingers turn to a fist.

“A world just as it was before.”

“Shut. Up.” His knuckles start to turn white.

“A world without infected.”

“Shut. The fuck. Up.” He can feel his nails piercing his skin.

“It could’ve all been possible. But you had to kill them all, didn’t you? To save a fucking little girl.” One centimeter to the left, his fist would’ve planted her skull in the wall behind her. Instead his hand starts to bleed on the brick wall. Even then, nothing seems to face her. “You took the only option for vaccine from all of us, Joel Miller. You took her from us just to play house. I just guess you forgot to explain that little detail to all of them, didn’t you?” The fist disconnects from the wall, leaving a trail of blood on the floor as he walks away.

Chapter Text

Eight years have passed since she met Joel for the first time, and after all this time, she can confidently say she’s seen all his faces. He started off as a closed-off man, completely inside his own world, not letting Ellie through. It took time and various close calls for him to open up.

He’s always been very good at hiding his emotions, no matter if they are good or bad, but especially the latter. Even so, ever since he got to Jackson, he’s been closer, more open, happier, everything she didn’t get to see that torturous year on the road. Still, even after all those years, those many hunter and infected attacks, she’s never seen him this angry.

All throughout their encounter, except a couple of fits of rage when all she wanted was to break Abby’s skull, Ellie just stared. She saw Joel’s body tense at the mention of the cure, hell, even her body tensed. It was and always will be a difficult topic for them to talk about. What made it more anxiety-inducing though, was the fact that it wasn’t a private conversation. Everyone was watching, everyone was listening. Everything that was being said or done, was being scrutinized.

The truth was out, and they couldn’t do anything to stop it. He left and it wasn’t even ten seconds later that she followed.

“Joel.” He just keeps walking ahead. His limp is obvious, so is the bleeding on his hand, but he doesn’t do anything to stop it. “Joel please, wait.” She thinks it’s the tremble in her voice that makes him stop. His fists never unclench, his body is stiff as a board as he turns around, his eyes glued to the floor. “Joel-“

“Let’s go home, Ellie.”

“Joel-“ he doesn’t even let her finish.

“Don’t argue with me, Ellie. Not right now. Let’s just go home.” She knows he’s trying not to come off too angry, but he fails miserably.

“We need to talk about-“

“It can wait until we get home.” This time he does sound stern, but she doesn’t give a shit.

“No it can’t wait, Joel!” He looks a bit taken aback by her answer, so he just stares at her, deflated. “That just happened and everyone heard, we can’t just go home and pretend it didn’t!”

“I’m not saying that.” He exhales slowly, trying to compose himself. “We can talk about this. At. Home.”

“I don’t-“

“I don’t care what you want right now, Ellie! We’ve already given everyone a public spectacle. If we are going to have a conversation, it’ll be private, do you understand?” Without another word, he turns around and continues his way back to the house. For a couple of minutes she just stays put, very aware of everyone’s eyes on her back.

“Ellie!” She hears in the distance, her brain connecting the dots and realizing it’s Dina calling for her. Suddenly she feels a hand on her shoulder, and as she turns around, she is face to face with the girl. “Ellie, are you okay? What was all that about?”

“I’m fine, I’ll-“ looking back, he sees Joel in the distance, opening the door to their house. “We’ll talk about it later, okay? I gotta go.” Taking off without another word, she leaves Dina on the spot.

—————

Somehow he knew this day would come, a day where Ellie’s secret would come out, wether willingly or unwillingly, it wasn’t up to him. It felt like Salt Lake all over again.

Back then, two years ago - even though it feels like centuries - he could tell his world would fall apart after reading the note Ellie left him on top of the counter that same morning after he went out on patrol.

‘I’m sorry, I need to understand. I can’t live with questions my whole life. 

Don’t follow me, I’ll be fine.

Ellie’

It might sound dramatic, and he wouldn’t confess it to anyone, but he felt his heart fall right out from his chest down to the floor. He knew what was coming, he knew that no matter what he did or said, it wouldn’t change the fact that Ellie would find out the truth. Maybe she didn’t find answers at the hospital - he was smart enough to get where she was going - but he knew she would do anything to get the truth out of him.

And she did. She got it out, but only because he chose to let it out. It wasn’t because of her threat to leave, it was because it was her. Because he knew she deserved it. And because he knew that when the day came, no matter how hard it’d be, he’d tell her the truth.

Today it wasn’t like that. Today felt like a slap on the face, or better yet, a punch on an open wound.

He knew why they attacked him, he understood it even. For a while, he even felt sorry for them. He tried to stay collected, be the better man and maybe, once they either got killed or set free, he’d forget about it all, start that new chapter of his life where Ellie had started to forgive him.

And he did, he stood there, calm and collected. He knew how much he had to lose, how much a slip-up or a slight comment about either Ellie or the Fireflies, would trigger their uninvited guests to talk about the one thing he didn’t want out there, Ellie’s immunity.

He knew what was coming. He knew that no matter how weird and ominous that conversation with Abby was, someone, if not everyone, was going to connect the dots. And once that happened, not only his, but Ellie’s life would be jeopardized. He wouldn’t have that.

“Now we are home. It’s time to talk.” The door to the house closes behind Ellie, he didn’t even hear her come in.

“What is there to talk about, Ellie?” He goes straight to the kitchen, as if making himself some coffee would, somehow, relax him.

“What do you- what the fuck do you mean ‘what is there to talk about’?” Walking behind him, she starts to pace all over the kitchen. “You don’t need to be a fucking genius to understand what that fucking bitch said! They all know, Joel. What the fuck are we going to do?” Placing both his hands on the counter, he takes a deep breath.

“We are not going to do anything. We’ll keep going with our lives, and if someone has a problem, well that’s their fucking issue.”

“You know they are all going to have an issue with it, Joel. Don’t be fucking stupid. The bitch just told everyone you damned the whole world! Of course they’ll have a fucking problem with that!” His breathing starts to get more shallow, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “They are smart enough to connect two and two, Joel. We are fucked. They’ll know-“ Unconsciously, Joel slides his hand and throws the mug to the wall.

“Don’t you think I know that, Ellie? I know what is going on and I know how the fuck they’ll all react. I’m not fucking stupid.” Taking a few deep breaths, he gets his gaze fixed on the window. “Just- what do you want me to do now, huh? What is there to do but keep going and see where it goes?” Without him realizing, Ellie has grabbed a towel and started to clean his hand from the huge amount of blood it has. Staring at his wound, he keeps going, this time much softer. “I don’t know what to do, kiddo. I don’t even think there’s anything for either me nor you to do other than wait it out. They know part of the truth, all you have to expect now are questions and comments you may not like. But we just have to answer as truthful as possible and not let those comments get to us.” Placing his other hand on top of hers, he gets her to look at him. “That’s all I can give you, baby girl, there’s nothing I can do now.”

Before he realizes, he has Ellie’s arms around his torso. With teary eyes, he gets his arms around the younger girl, pulling her as close as humanly possible.

“We’ll get through this. We’ve been through worse, right?” Oh God, what he would give to believe her.

Chapter Text

They got through the night, barely slept, but got through it. They didn’t leave the house all day, waiting for Tommy to get there with news of their uninvited guests, but he never showed. At first Ellie was insistent on going to the holding cells and interrogating them themselves, but Joel was quick to get that idea off her head, knowing his brother would get their help when he deemed it necessary.

It’s not that they wanted to not leave the house, it’s what felt safest at the moment. Leaving, would mean bumping on their neighbors, getting questions and odd looks, something they couldn’t handle at the moment. Even so, as much as they despised the idea of getting out, they had completely forgotten the almost empty fridge. Sure, they were used to not getting much to eat on the road, but that was more than five years ago, their stomachs have gotten used to three full meals a day, seven days a week. Food was a necessity, and unfortunately, to get it, they had to get outside.

“Ellie.” The girl had been sitting on his couch the majority of the day, either reading or watching old movies. Meanwhile, Joel had been carving on his study or strumming on the guitar in the living room.

“Huh?” Taking her attention off the book, she rubbed her eyes. “What?”

“I’m going out to get some food.” Grabbing his jacket, he hears the closing of a book.

“I’m coming with you.”

“There’s no need. I can bring it home myself-“ he argues, as she starts to put her old Converse on - he needs remember to get her some new shoes, preferably warmer ones.

“I know what you are trying to do, Joel.” With her jacket now on too, she stands next to him. “I won’t let you take the heat on your own. If you get out, I get out.” With nothing else to say, she opens the door and steps outside. Knowing, he won’t convince her otherwise, he follows her and closes the door behind him.

“You know it’s going to get uncomfortable, right?” The air is freezing, and since he forgot to take his gloves, he hides his hands on his jacket pockets.

“Yeah, you don’t need to remind me.” Side by side, with nothing else to discuss, they walk through the snowy street.

Everything looks the same, crowded streets, - or as crowded as a post apocalyptic town of 200 citizens can be - people buying on stores, eating at canteens or just chatting on the street.

Normally, you could hear folks talking about dinner plans, patrol routes or even friend gatherings, today - as expected - it’s completely different.

Although the sight is the same, the feeling is off. No one laughs, no one has loud conversations that mask others, everyone whispers and gossips, assumptions are shared among those living inside the walls, and all of them have the same protagonists, Ellie and Joel.

Ellie, one of the most active young adults in the community, one of the most ferocious and well-trained soldiers on patrols, the mysterious girl who came to Jackson just five years ago with Joel, Tommy’s brother.

Joel, the closed-off, scary man that has no problem helping around the neighborhood. The most effective man against any kind of infected, the one that - no wonder - trained his younger companion.

Both of them gave something to the community. Both of them were key to keeping the town safe, and yet, after last night’s revelation, everyone seems to have forgotten that, replacing their trust and affection to the duo, with the most distrust and somehow, fear.

They feel all their eyes on them as they walk down the street, some of the folks even stop talking once the duo gets close enough, either to get them their complete attention as they go by, or for them not to hear what they were talking about. It doesn’t really matter in the end, both Joel and Ellie have one single goal in mind, getting their food, the less interactions with others, the better.

It doesn’t get better once they get inside the store, the three couples getting their supplies, along with the vendors, have no problem dropping whatever they were doing to get their attention on them.

“Could you just finish what you were doing? We need to get stuff too.” She can’t help it, she needs them to stop staring and she knows staying silent won’t do anything. Some of them get back to their tasks, while others just start whispering amongst themselves, still loud enough for them to hear.

“The gut of that girl, I swear. They just show up here after what happened?.” 

“You know I can still hear you, right?” Getting both her hands on her pockets, she stares at them defiantly. “If you have something to say, you say it to my face.” The woman just scoffs, and before Ellie can go any further, Joel places a hand on her arm, getting her closer to him.

“Stop it, alright? Don’t make this even worse.” He whispers, this time, soft enough for only her to hear.

“They are talking shit about us and you just want me to shut up?” She quips back, a bit louder than him.

“We just came to get food, kiddo. Not to pick a fight.”

“I’m not here to pick a fight, Joel. I’m defending us. They have no idea what they are talking about-“

“Ellie.” This time, everyone hears them, some of them even turn around, he doesn’t seem to care. “I told you, we are just getting in and out, you understand me? No fighting and no arguing.” Sighing, he starts to look around the store and waits for the other costumers to finish.

“Next.” The vendor calls, never making eye contact with either of them.

“Can we get our weekly rations, please?” Nodding, the man just walks to the back. The only other couple left on the store keep stealing glances at them, not very subtlety.

“I need to get some fresh air.” Before he can argue, Ellie is out the door, leaving Joel on his own inside the store. Once the vendor comes back with their food, he takes the bag, checking that everything they needed was inside.

“Isn’t there supposed to be some milk in here?” Pretending to be busy organizing the shelves, the man doesn’t even look at him when he answers.

“Wasn’t any left when I checked.” Inhaling, Joel tries to keep calm.

“Sure. When could I come get it, then?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure someone’ll let you know.” He grabs the bag tighter unconsciously.

“Look, I get it, okay? I just don’t want any trouble. I know for a fact I saw more than a few bottles on the back. Let’s just stop this nonsense, alright?” Turning around, finally, the guy has the guts to look at him in the eye.

“I said, there were none left.” Joel just takes a step closer.

“And I’m saying, I don’t believe it.”

“Be thankful I even gave you something. I don’t usually sell anything to cold blooded murderers.”

“You have no idea what you are talking about.” Getting cockier, the man gets even closer to Joel, a small smirk on his face.

“What are you going to do? Kill me? It’s your specialty, isn’t it?” With a fake smile and a few nods, Joel takes a deep breath, starting to take a few steps away from what would surely be a pretty quick fight, but a useless fight nonetheless.

“You know what? It’s not even worth it. Keep your fucking milk. I’ve got better things to do than to fight with you, anyway.” Walking towards the door, he can’t help but add. “Wouldn’t want anything to happen to you, someone needs to run the store, after all.” Getting out, he sees Ellie leaning on the wall, playing with her pocketknife. “Let’s go, kiddo.”

“You going somewhere?” Somehow he knew it would happen, sooner or later someone would get the guts to confront them, he didn’t think it’d be this soon. He’d had enough arguing for one day though, so he just keeps going. Ellie, on the other hand, seems to need more. He sees her stiffen, so he just grabs her hand, making her follow his rhythm.

“Just keep going.”

“Oh, now you ignore a fight, huh?” Walking faster, he gets a tighter hold on Ellie’s hand.

“Joel.” She tries to get her hand free, but to no avail. “Joel!”

“Listen to your girl, old man. She wants a fight. Don’t you, Ellie?” His laugh is loud, loud enough to get everyone’s attention. Another spectacle. Great. “It seems you want to keep the ‘cure’ all to yourself, huh? I wonder what’s so special about her that you had to doom the entire planet. I think I’ve got some ideas.”

No one expected it, not even Ellie, and it was too late even for her to stop him. In two long strides and leaving the bag behind on the floor, Joel has taken his revolver out of his holster and has it pointed straight to the man’s temple.

“You better shut your goddamned mouth before I shut it down for you. You understand?” The man takes a visible gulp, but doesn’t nod, instead, he keeps his eyes trained on Joel’s. “Do. You. Understand?” With a slight nod, he takes a shaky breath before Joel pushes him to the ground. Then, slowly, he crouches down. “Don’t you ever, talk about her like that again. You hear me? Next time her name leaves your mouth will be your last, got it?” With another nod, this time more erratic, Joel gets up, gets his gun back on his holster and grabs the bag from the floor.

“Holy shit, Joel.” That expression brings back a lot of memories. Memories of 14-year-old Ellie completely mesmerized by Joel’s abilities, but he doesn’t have the time nor energy to reminisce right now.

He didn’t want to fight. He just wanted his things and go. People would be hostile, he knew that from the beginning, what he didn’t expect was for it to affect him so much. He can handle accusations, questions, hell, even insults. What he won’t tolerate will be badmouthing Ellie. Not a single word.

When they get back to their house, they still don’t know the chaos that is ahead of them. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an idea, though.

Chapter Text

“He’s violent, a danger to our kids, our town. After all we’ve been through to make this place safe, make it feel almost as it was before, are we going to let this man roam our streets? I say we kick him out. Spare us the trouble.”

He has no idea what the hell he’s doing here. But that’s not true, is it?  If it was his choice, he would’ve locked himself inside his house and wouldn’t have come out, but he did, as a favor to Tommy, because he deserves at least that much.

A ‘ town meeting ’, he said. It looks a lot like a public trial to him. A trial he is ninety percent sure he’s going to lose. Tommy and Maria’s pull in town isn’t enough, neither is the fact that he’s been nothing but helpful around town for the last five years, or that he has a child in his care - or a young woman, as Ellie likes to say.

Everyone has their mind made up. He killed some Fireflies and denied everyone the chance for a cure? He doesn’t deserve to live safely in town. That’s a no brainer, at least for them. 

They believe a stranger’s words instead of his own, the man who has fixed their houses more times than he can count, the man who’s been nothing but helpful at keeping Infected away from town. None of it matters anymore.

And he saw it coming, somehow he did. Lies tend to be discovered, but he thought he’d at least have the chance to explain. They won’t even give him that. There’s at least three hundred people staring right at him, their disgust clear on their faces, and not one of them had the decency to ask his side of the story. Not even one.

He knows how this is going to end, that no matter how hard Tommy will fight for him, he’ll accept whatever is thrown his way. There will only be one condition, for Ellie to stay. That’s his priority, keeping her safe. So they either agree, or there’ll be hell to pay.

“Attacking our people in broad daylight, threatening them, that’s something we can’t tolerate. If we let people like him stay here, it will only set a precedent.” He keeps a straight face as he listens to the woman speak. “And that’s not even the worst of it all, and I think you all know what I’m referring to.”

“That’s mere speculation, Margaret.” Maria stands up from her seat, coming to his rescue. “We are here to judge him for what happened on main street, not what some prisoner said whilst being incarcerated. You all need to keep that in mind. We all do.” Sitting back down, she gives him a concerned look, he gives her one of gratitude.

“You can’t control what people think, Maria. After what we all saw, seeing the way he reacted, we can’t help but believe the accusations are true. He didn’t deny them, he never did. That makes him guilty in my eyes.” There’s a dirty look thrown his way, he keeps his eyes locked on the woman, and he sees the exact moment she tenses. “Think about your kids, about how he took the only possibility of a better future from them.” As Maria stands up to retort once more, she finishes. “I rest my case.” Getting back to her spot, the woman sits down, Maria takes her place.

“We need to be objective about this. Stick to the facts. He was instigated on the street, someone badmouthed his kid, he attacked. Now, I’m not saying that what he did was right, but no one was hurt, was there? All accusations aside-” Her speech is cut short.

“You are only defending him because he’s your brother-in-law!” Someone screams from the crowd, getting a few people to complain alongside them. “You are biased!” The crowd roars, hungry for blood. Maria tries her best to make it stop, she’s unable. He stays seated, taking it all in.

All kinds of words are thrown his way, all the way from ‘ murderer ’ to ‘ monster ’. He doesn’t react, he won’t give them the satisfaction. His eyes scan the people before him. Everyone’s angry, everyone’s hoping for the same outcome. He either ends up dead or exiled, the only thing they care about is not seeing him again.

“Everyone calm down!” Tommy’s voice can be heard over all the screaming, authoritative enough to make them stop. “We are civilized aren’t we? We are here to judge someone, but we will do it the right way. We listen to all parties involved and then, only then , we vote.” Turning around, he looks at him. “It’s your turn, Joel.” Everyone stills, he doesn’t move from his chair. He scans the crowd, everyone’s eyes locked on him, on every movement he might make, every word he might say, ready to judge it all. 

He could walk away, why should he care about what they think of him and his actions? But there’s one thing that keeps him from doing that, a girl - supposedly - waiting for him safely in her room, as he takes one last look, he finds her waiting on the sidelines. Figures.

He’s never been good at words, but he can be very persuasive when he needs to. And today he has to be. So he tries his damn hardest.

“I’m not denying anything.” He lets a few moments pass in complete silence. “I won’t deny it, because it’s true.” There’s gasps all around, he ignores them. “You preach about keeping your kids safe, about securing a good future for them. That’s what all parents are supposed to do, and that’s exactly what I did.” A few protests resonate through the air, quickly shut down by others. “When someone threatens my kid, in any way, I don’t sit around. Whether it’s an insult or a punch, they get what they deserve. And when someone tries to kill my kid with the excuse of a ‘ potential cure ’, I don’t just sit idly and let it happen. And I’d bet my own life that not one of you would do any different if it was your kid.” This time, no one interrupts, no one seems to even breathe. “She is immune, yes.” Now that earns him a few more gasps. “But that doesn’t give anyone , not even the Fireflies, the right to kill her, not without her being told about it.” His eyes land on Ellie, who keeps her eyes locked on him. “I know what you all think of me. A murderer, the man who damned the entire world, your world. But I did what I had to, I saved my kid, and I’d do it all over again . I won’t be sorry for saving her, and even though I still think the cure was nothing but a dream, I am sorry for taking that possibility away from you.” He could leave it there, but there’s one last thing he needs to add. “Now, I know that no matter what I say, no matter how much I explain what I’ve done, you have an image of me that’ll be very hard to replace. And I also know that I have no right to demand anything from any of you, but if what I think will happen, happens. If I’m asked to leave, I have one condition. She needs to stay.” Ellie freezes, no one says anything. “I’m the one to blame, not her. She didn’t do anything, she wasn’t given a choice, not by the Fireflies and not by me. So whatever judgment you have, it has to be directed at me . No one else.” Leaning back on his chair, he lets out a sigh. “Now, do what you need to do. I won’t object to any of it.”

No one says anything for what feels like an eternity, either processing his words or waiting for someone else to speak up. Whatever it is though, doesn’t concern him too much, it’s not like he can do much more.

After a while, the silence is a bit deafening, and it’s only thanks to Tommy that the awkwardness of the situation recedes. As his little brother stands up, he gets all the attention on himself, taking it away from him.

“There it is. We said it’ll be a fair trial, and now that we’ve got all sides of the story, we can start-” Footsteps coming up the small handmade stage make his brother stop talking, all eyes on the new arrival.

He saw this coming, he really did, but he hoped that she’d have a bit more restraint. He knew she wouldn’t stay home, that was a losing battle right from the beginning. Standing on the stage and defend him, though? He just wished she didn’t have to do that.

“You didn’t get every side, did you?” Ellie makes her way to Tommy, giving an almost comforting look to Joel. “I was there, wasn’t I?”

“Ellie, don’t .” He tries, but he knows how determined she is. He lets her do her thing.

“I was really fucking excited to be the key to making a vaccine. It was all I could think about. I would’ve done anything to make it happen, to save the world.” She tries to come up with the right words to say. “I thought nothing could go wrong. We survived hordes of Infected, raiders, hunters, cannibals… I was on top of the world. Nothing could stop me. I made it all across the country, we made it.” She looks at him, fondness in her eyes. All he can give her is the most sincere smile he can muster. “No one told me I had to die. No one told me they’d have to open my skull to study my brain. No one gave me a choice. They just drugged me and got to it.” She can’t even seem to be able to look at the crowd, keeping her eyes glued to the ground. “Back then, if they’d asked me, I would’ve probably said yes.” Whispers start, they don’t keep going for too long. “I was fourteen years old. I was a child who didn’t know any better. And I struggled with it, feeling guilty because my immunity didn’t mean anything in the end. Wondering, ‘what was it all for?’. It took me years of being mad at him for saving me, to understand.” She takes a second to compose herself before continuing. “I’m not a fucking lab rat, I’m not a sacrificial lamb. Why should I have to die for all of you to live? How is that fair? How is it that you are fucking pissed at him for taking away the remote possibility of a cure and not at the Fireflies for almost killing a kid for it? You’d let them kill and experiment on a literal child for your own fucking benefit.” She lets the words sink in, and by the looks of some folk, it does just that. “When he stormed through the hospital, he wasn’t thinking about the vaccine, he was thinking about me.” He can’t see her face, but by the mere tone of her voice, he can tell she’s either holding back tears or letting them flow silently down her cheeks. “He’s the only one that’s ever given a fuck about me. He almost died to save me. He killed everyone who tried to hurt me.” As her hand rushes to her face, he knows it’s the latter. “What’s done is done. And if any of you vote to kick him out after all he’s done for you, after all the hard work he’s done over the last few years to make this place so much better than it was, then fuck you.” She stomps away, not even looking at him before leaving.

He expected her to go back to her place in the corner, but as his eyes find her moving figure amongst the crowd, he can tell she’s making her way back home. It’s a relief, as he doesn’t want her to see what’s going to happen, but having her there felt almost like the support he needed.

“Alright well, now that we’ve got every side of the story - ” giving him a slight nod, Tommy continues “- it’s time to vote.”

Chapter Text

“Forty three abstentions.” Tommy reads aloud. Everyone is quiet. “One hundred eighty seven against.” He can’t exactly deny the surprise on his face, neither can some in the crowd. “And one hundred ninety in favor.” His younger brother’s voice goes down as he reads, until he ends the sentence in a mere whisper.

He hears cheers, he hears gasps, but he isn’t exactly in the mood to find out who makes what. He only looks at his brother, who’s grasping the paper so tightly in his hand that it’s completely crumbled.

“Alright.” He whispers under his breath as he stands up, walking over to his brother. “It’s okay, Tommy.” The younger man stares at him, bloodshot eyes. “We knew this would happen sooner or later.” Before he can retort, he squeezes his shoulder. “Now all I need you to do is take care of that girl for me, alright?”

“ Joel- ”

“It’s already decided. If they don’t want me here, then I’ll leave.” Both brothers stare at each other for a long while.

“You know she’s going to follow you. She ain’t gonna stay here.” He can’t help but sigh at the truth behind the man’s words. He knows Ellie, he knows she isn’t going to let him go that easily.

“Then you make her stay.” Tommy frowns, he doesn’t care. “Staying here is what’s best for her. I can’t have her go through all we went through again , do you understand? I won’t .” His younger brother stays quiet, and his other hand finds Tommy’s free shoulder, shaking him slightly. “You need to promise me.”

“I can’t just lock her up inside the house, Joel. It won’t work.” The man’s voice is shaky, on the verge of tears. “And even if it does, the moment she’s free, she’ll sneak out to find you. You know that.” Sadly, he does. “That girl can’t live without you, Joel.”

“I won’t have her living out there, Tommy. I’ll just get her killed.”

“Then I’ll go with you, just-” he shakes him even more, making him stop his nonsense.

“What, you and your pregnant wife?” The shock is clear on his face. “She told me a few weeks ago.” He sighs, not knowing how to make anything better. “Your responsibility is your family, and that involves your wife and your baby. Not me, not anymore.” Finally, his brother lets his tears flow down his face. “You don’t owe me anything other than taking care of Ellie, just as you would Sarah, alright?”

“But I could-” He pulls him into an embrace, he goes limp against his chest.

“There’s nothing you can do now, Tommy. The decision is made.” As his brother wraps his own arms around his middle, he pulls him even closer. “And hey, maybe I’ll find a ranch somewhere. Always wanted to raise sheep, yeah?” The younger man chuckles against his shoulder, drying his tears as he pulls away.

“Just promise me you’ll stay safe.” He nods, patting his shoulder. “And I promise to take care of Ellie for as long as I’m alive.” With one last embrace, he moves away.

“I’m gonna go home, talk to her.”

“Good luck, brother.” He rolls his eyes as he walks away.

………………………

“When are we leaving?” The moment he opens the front door, he finds Ellie with a full backpack, tying her shoes on the couch. Before he answers, he plops down next to her, pinching his nose as he sighs.

“ We ain’t leaving any time soon. Now, I will be leaving first thing in the morning.” He knows she’ll be pissed off, but he can take it.

“What the fuck do you mean you ? I’m not staying here, are you fucking crazy?” Once her Converse are tied, she stands up. “We can even leave right now, I packed your bag and everything.” As she just said, he can see his pack ready by the dining table.

“Sit down.” She doesn’t listen, taking her stuff. “ Ellie .” She keeps going. “ Goddamnit , Ellie stop.” His tone is harsh, but he needs her to listen to him, just this once. She stops in her tracks, hands clenched on her sides.

“I won’t stay.” Leaning forward, he hides his face in his hands. “And you can’t make me.” Turning around, she faces him. “I’m old enough to make my own decisions, Joel.”

“I know.” He mumbles against his hands before leaning back and staring at the ceiling. “But right now, I need you to listen to me. I need you to stay, I need you safe .”

“We handled ourselves pretty well out there when I was fourteen , we will crush it now. I’ve got much more experience, you know that-”

“I’m old , Ellie.” She stares at him, eyes shining. “I can’t even walk properly anymore. How do you think that’s gonna go out there?”

“That’s what you need me for.” She almost yells at him.

“No. That's why I need you here.” She’s desperate, and he knows it. But he’s just as desperate as her, if not more. “You being out there with me, will only get you killed.” Defeated, she sits back down next to him. “I’m a liability, Ellie. I wish I wasn’t, but I am.”

“You aren’t . Not to me. You-” she struggles to come up with what to say. “You and I, we are a team. And after all this time, you can’t ask me to leave you. It’s not fucking fair.”

“I know it’s not. But it’s what’s best for you.” She shakes her head. “It is .”

“Why do you always try and decide what’s best for me?” She explodes. “First the hospital and now this ?”

“ Ellie- ”

“ No . I’ve started to make my peace with what happened all those years ago. I was a kid and you took that decision for me, I get it now. But this ? I’m not unconscious and I’m not fourteen. I’m leaving with you.” He only stares at her, not really knowing what to say.

She’s right, isn’t she? She’s nineteen years old, she’s an adult, she can make her own decisions, it’s what he’s always wanted for her. But deep down, she’s still his little girl. He looks at her and he sees that scared fourteen-year-old who didn’t know how to hold a gun properly, the one that recited every pun ever created, the kid who got so excited to see real fireflies.

“I can’t let you do that.” He whispers right before she stands up, pacing all around the room. “You have friends here, a house, a bed, food, a family .”

“ You are my family.” She yells, rubbing at her eyes with her sleeve. “You are the only one I’ve got, and I’ve already wasted two years being away from you. You can’t ask me to let you go forever.” And if that doesn’t break his heart in two, what will? Standing up, he moves over to her, grabbing her face with his hands.

“And you are too important for me to put at risk. You are safe here. Out there? You could die any day. I won’t be able to survive that, do you understand?” She stays silent, visibly trying to keep her tears at bay. He stays collected, trying to be as strong as possible for her.

“I can’t-” She stopped short, but not by him, but by an explosion not too far from them, followed by an emergency siren and hundreds of footsteps running around the streets.

They are being attacked.

Chapter Text

The moment the alarm blared, his mind went straight for the worst possible scenario. He trusts his older brother, he really does. No matter how many traumatic incidents Joel’s been through, he always - or almost always, hence the worst scenario - keeps a level head.

There are only two instances where he kind of lost his mind. One he lived through and one he was told about. Both involving his little girls.

Joel’s always been a proud dad, caring and protective albeit too busy at times. His world revolved around his daughter, soccer matches, science fairs, sleepovers… he was always present, no matter the time or cost.

Now, after what just happened barely two hours ago, after one hundred and ninety fucking people voted to kick out his own brother, the moment he heard the alarm, his mind made some connections that sent him spiraling.

Joel’s no stranger to fights, whether he is sober or drunk - almost always the latter. Hell, the primary reason he was judged for was getting in a fight. But he’s not a violent man, he’s a protective one. He sees injustice, he acts, especially when it’s directed towards people he loves.

Ever since they were children, he was in awe of his older brother. He stood up for him so many times he even forgot to count. Even as they grew older and he got in trouble - which happened too often - he was always there. Stop a fight? Joel was there to grab him and pull him aside, and if the other guy was the one who started it, he might go home with a bruise the size of Texas, but that was only for him to know. Get him out of jail? No matter the hour, Joel was always there to bail him out.

He admires his brother, and even after all those years where he had no news from him - he was the one who ran away, he can’t exactly complain about that - he still felt his absence in a way he never thought possible.

And that hole in his heart didn’t get filled entirely, not even after meeting and marrying Maria, because there are some scars that just can’t get healed unless the right person finds you. And that person could only be Joel.

The moment he first saw him again, almost six years ago, he thought he was seeing a ghost, a memory of the man he remembered before it all went down. A gentle man, caring and thoughtful of those around him, especially someone in particular. A little feral kid named Ellie.

She was a handful - still is - in a good way. A girl who didn’t mince her words, not around anyone, but who could still be the most graceful of individuals when it came to people she cared about. If that isn’t the spitting image of his older brother, he doesn’t know what is.

They are not related, not by blood anyway, - unless you count the transfusion Joel had to do after she fell from a tree and almost bled out after poking her side with a sharp branch - but they are so much alike it hurts to see sometimes.

He knows Ellie isn’t going to let him go, not without her at least. And knowing his brother, he knows that no matter how many times he puts his foot down, he’ll end up caving, because that’s how it always is with those two.

It doesn’t matter what it is, a trip with her friends to the lake, training with rifles, hunting outside the zone or even tagging along his patrol group. His brother’s first instinct is to say no, but it never takes more than a day for Ellie to change his mind. 

In the end, it’s always meaningless stuff, never life-threatening or altering. Today though, the stakes are way too high, and knowing how stubborn they both can be, they are in for a long confrontation.

The moment the shit hits the fan though, he wonders if that confrontation went too far. Don’t get him wrong, he knows Joel would never hurt Ellie, but that doesn’t expand to the rest of the population.

The entire town is entirely too focused on them right now, some of them even taking the liberty to try and take part in all of it. He’s seen it all, from complaints to the board all the way to actively instigating them - especially his brother - to make his leaving a done deal. So, it’s not a wild theory that the alarm could be triggered by a fight between him and some dickhead too eager to start a battle they just aren’t going to win.

In the end, he ends up worrying about the wrong thing. Living in a closed-off community where the most dangerous situations are bar fights, tends to make you forget about the real dangers of the world. Hunters.

The worst kind of scum on this Earth, a scum Joel and him used to be a part of. He knows their methods, knows their playbook, there’s seemingly nothing they are afraid of. They have one goal and one goal only, taking everything valuable they can find.

Throughout the two long and painful years he stayed with that group, he did all sorts of unspeakable things, they both did. But there was a line they would never cross, killing those who didn’t resist, those who hid and had no desire to fight. Because, in the end, they joined that group to survive, not to get a kick out of killing innocent people. It was a means to an end, and they weren’t going to betray their last standing beliefs to fit in.

Because of that, because of that previous first-hand knowledge, he knew exactly what to do. He grabbed Maria, first and foremost, hiding her in the lowest room in the house. Because, no matter her will to fight, he wasn’t going to risk the life of his wife and kid. Sue him.

Next thing he did was run straight to Joel’s house, and it didn’t exactly surprise him when he found both him and Ellie halfway to his place.

“What the hell’s going on?” She manages to say between deep breaths.

“Hunters.” And both their faces darken in a matter of seconds.

“What do you need us to do?” It wasn’t like he expected it to happen, but he thought that after being kicked out of town, he wouldn’t be as eager to help the same people that wanted him gone. But this is Joel he’s talking about, what was he thinking?

“They are probably almost through the gate, so I need you guys to go straight to the armory and grab whatever you might need. It should be open, it’s the first thing they do in case of emergency. Try to hold them up there, I’ll go help get people to safety.” They both nod at the same time - not creepy anymore after five years of the same shit - and hurry to the gate.

Gunshots, screams and cries is all he hears as he hurries folk to safety. His nearest neighbors, those who don’t feel fit to fight, he hides in his house, keeping Maria company. The rest, he either takes them to the library’s basement or the school’s darkest classrooms with as few windows as possible.

It doesn’t take him more than thirty minutes, but his mind never stops wondering about his brother and Ellie’s wellbeing. He knows they are two tough nuts to crack, but you can’t ever be too careful in this world. So the moment he sees them fighting side to side, he can finally let out a sigh of relief.

“How’s it going?” He asks the moment he hides with them under a half wall, directly in front of some of the intruders.

“They are sneaky sons of bitches.” Ellie huffs while keeping a steady fire.

“Reminds me of someone, doesn’t it?” He has no idea how Joel finds the strength to joke in a time like this, but he appreciates it, so does Ellie, it seems.

“ Pff , as if me being sneaky didn’t save your ass a bunch of times.” She says right before peeking over the wall and shooting a guy right on the forehead as he was about to reach them. “See?” She gloats as she hides back behind cover. The smirk on her face doesn’t last too long though, not after Joel gets someone coming from behind them, ready to shoot them.

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” Ellie huffs once again, and he’s left wondering how the hell they look so calm under such tense and dangerous circumstances.

“Whatever, old man.” Between the three of them, they get at least ten people in the span of ten minutes. Shot after shot, almost all of them on target, completely focused on the task ahead. They never leave their cover, secured and with good visibility it’d be stupid to even move. The moment they hear screams right in front of them though, Joel sprints out of cover, grabbing a steel bar from the ground and smashing a guy’s head to pieces. He then doesn’t waste a second before taking Margaret’s hand - the woman who vindicated since day one to kick him out, no less - and dragging her to safety, placing himself right next to her. “What a bitch.” Ellie’s comment gets a short laugh out of him, watching as Margaret gets as far away as possible from his brother in the small amount of space behind the wall.

“ Ellie .” Joel yells, and with no other word needed, the girl grabs the rifle on the floor and tosses it to him. 

The man is a beast when it comes to weapons. If he didn’t know him like he does, he’d think he used to be an army soldier before the Outbreak. Seeing him like this, doesn’t exactly fit with being a contractor now, does it?

“ Move, damn it.” Some folk trying to help get too cocky, deciding to go close range, making it extremely difficult for the rest to shoot. As one of those people gets pinned, Ellie, ever the sharpshooter, places one to the side of the fucker’s head.

“Some sneaked in! Find them!” The situation at the gate is almost under control, so he makes an executive decision to stay behind and get both Joel and Ellie to make sure that what they just said is true. 

“Elllie, go take Joel with you. Make sure no one gets near the school, the library or my house, there’s people hiding in there.” The girl, resolutive as ever, nods, taking off to find his brother.

‘ Everything’ll be fine .’ He keeps repeating in his head. It’s the only way he has to not go batshit crazy. It has to work.

Chapter Text

“Joel, let’s go, Tommy wants us to make sure they don’t find the safe spots.”  Downing one last hunter, he places his rifle once again over his shoulder, taking his revolver out of the holster.

“Alright, let’s go.” Before he has the chance to sprint away, a hand grabs at his forearm. Turning around, he finds Margaret, her pale face contrasting with the bloodied shirt on her body. He expects her to tell him off, to try and prevent him from getting anywhere near defenseless people trying to hide, not trusting him at all. Surprisingly, that isn’t the case.

“Thank you.” She sounds choked up, keeping the tears from falling. “Even after all I’ve said and done, you saved me. I don’t-” she exhales shakily. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything, ma’am. I was just doing the right thing.” He appreciates the woman’s change of heart, but he doesn’t have time to chat. “You stay here and make sure no one else comes in. We’ll make sure everyone else’s safe.” Margaret nods, letting him go. They waste no time before moving away.

He leads the way, no need to tell Ellie anything, he trusts her to know what to do. He moves, always behind cover, no matter how much his knee begs him to stop. He looks at everything, everywhere, trying to find anyone trying to sneak up on them.

They search every street they come across, not finding anything. For a moment they hope that whoever snuck in is taken care of, but once they reach main street, that hope is shattered.

A group of at least twelve people, armed to the teeth, have a fairly large group of citizens at gunpoint. They can’t seem to spot Maria in the crowd, which is a big relief, but that doesn’t mean their job is over.

“What are we going to do? There are too many.” He truly has no clue what to do, if they go straight to a gunfight, they’ll shoot the hostages, he knows that first hand. But if they take too long, they’ll find what they were looking for and kill them anyway.

“ Ellie .” A whispered yell gets him to point his gun to the right, thankfully, his finger is too far from the trigger, as he would’ve shot Dina and Jesse in the face. Both of them, armed with guns and shotguns, sneak to their position. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” She pointedly asks her friends, who keep their eyes on the situation.

“Helping. Tommy told us you were headed this way.” He can’t believe his brother would send more kids with him. Don’t get him wrong, he likes the kids just fine, but he’d rather have more… muscle for a task like this. “We weren’t going to let you do this on your own.” He can feel Ellie’s eyes burning the back of his skull, waiting for directions, but he’s as lost as them.

“So what’s the plan, Big J?” He turns his head at the nickname, something he told Dina too many times to not mention again. Of course she didn’t.

“I think the best course of action would be to make a distraction. Get some of them to leave. Separating them would be the only way we’d be able to even consider attacking. Right now, there’s too many of them and too few of us.” Now the tough part is trying to choose who to send as a distraction, they’ll get the short end of the stick in the plan. Before he has the chance to even think about it though, Jesse speaks up.

“I’ll do it. No offense, but I can sneak around better than you guys.” That gets a scoff out of the two girls.

“Yeah, sure. Keep dreaming, man.” Ellie shoves him playfully, earning a smile from the boy.

“Alright, I’ll run that way and make some noise. They’ll definitely follow me.” The kid gets ready to run for his life. 

“Be careful.” Dina tells him with a frown on her face.

“Always am.”

“Alright, kid. Go.” He takes off, kicking a rock on purpose and making at least half the group of hunters turn around.

“Get that kid, now!” He counts four people running in his direction.

“There’s still too many.” He whispers to himself loud enough for the two girls to hear.

“Alright then, I guess that’s my queue.” Dina gets into position to sprint away when Ellie stops her.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” The worry in her voice is unmistakable.

“I’ll lure some more away, give you a chance to help the rest.” Ellie’s hold on the girl’s arm loosens. “I know you’ll come rescue me afterwards.” Dina winks at Ellie, and he feels the need to look away.

“Ye- yeah. Yeah .” Smooth, Ellie. Very smooth. He can’t help but smile.

“Be careful, kid. Hide and don’t come out if you need to.” With a thumbs up, she sprints off.

“Fucking hell, another one!” Three more move away from the group, leaving them with only five assailants. Manageable.

“Alright, kiddo. I go one way-” Loading her shotgun, she moves to his side.

“I go the other. Sneak around, take as many as I can and if something goes wrong, attack.” She smirks. “Come on, old man. We’ve done this a bunch of times. I know the routine.” His heart aches with proudness for this amazing girl. His hand grasps her shoulder, squeezing.

“Be careful, alright?” The little shit salutes him. “I’m serious, kiddo. Be quick, be smart and always-”

“Go for the head.” This time, her smile is genuine. “I know Joel. I learned from the best, didn’t I?” With a slight nod, he lets go of her shoulder. He expects her to get into position, and he almost falls backwards when she throws her entire body towards him, pulling him into a - honestly - uncomfortable hug. “You be safe too. I don’t want to spend any more time taking care of your sorry ass.” She jokes lovingly, squishing him harder against her. Without even thinking about it, he places a soft kiss on the crown of her head right before she pulls away.

“You got it, kid. Now go kick some ass, yeah?” With another salute, she sneaks away. In the meantime, he sends out a prayer - to something he doesn’t truly believe in - to keep his girl safe.

………………….

He’s entirely too rusty for this. Too old, really. Too wounded as well. It’s been at least four years since he’s had to be this stealthy. Sure, he kills plenty of Infected during his patrols, but dealing with people is an entirely different thing.

Humans are more unpredictable, always checking their six, talking amongst each other. You have no idea how difficult it is to get someone quietly when they are having a conversation with someone else. Waiting is almost always the way to go, standing by until the target stops speaking or the conversation fades out, hoping that the other person doesn’t notice the absence of a response.

He hides, he spots, he approaches and his knife does the rest. The whole deal is really tricky, but it’s like riding a bike, you never forget it.

Things get much more difficult when it’s open space. There’s nowhere to hide, no good place to lure someone to grab and take down without someone else noticing. And being on a main street has that exact problem.

He looks to the other side of the road and he catches Ellie having the same problem. There’s three people left. He could grab one of them while she grabs the other, but that would leave one completely free of any kind of restraint.

He would shoot them and be done with it, but there’s entirely too many kids around, standing close enough for it to be dangerous. He comes up with a different approach.

He nods at Ellie, both of them silently approaching their targets. As expected, they grab two of them and the third one gets anxious, taking out his pistol.

“Don’t- don’t you dare move! I’ll- I’ll shoot one of these kids in the head, I swear!” Joel presses his gun tighter to the forehead of the woman he’s holding.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” His tone gets ‘ freakishly dangerous ’ - as Ellie puts it - when he’s under pressure. The boy - because he can’t be much older than Ellie - starts to tremble.

“I sa- I said don’t move!” He gets a quick glance at the sixty or so hostages. Parents shielding their kids from the danger, teenagers staring wide-eyed at the scene unfolding, and adults terrified of what might happen next.

“Come on, kid. You don’t want to do this.” The kid’s hand starts to shake a bit too violently for his liking. “You are outnumbered, alright? Just drop the gun and nothing will happen to you, I swear.”

“Don’t listen to him, Brian! He’ll kill us and then kill you too.” The woman in his hold screeches once his revolver presses harder against her temple.

“It doesn’t have to end that way, kid. I just want these people safe, alright? That’s all I want.” Brian’s breathing starts to turn erratic.

“If I- if I drop it you’ll let me go?”

“Yes.” The woman tries to get out of his hold, he presses harder. Taking a look at Ellie, he finds the other woman to be even more scared than Brian, completely unmoving in his kid’s grasp.

“ Don’t , Brian.” He ignores the woman.

“You didn’t hurt nobody, kid. Don’t do it now. I won’t be able to help you if you do, you understand?.” Brian’s on the verge of giving up, he can tell. But right as he’s about to let go of his gun, the seemingly terrified woman gets out of Ellie’s hold, running straight to the crowd.

Everything happens too fast after that. Kids scream in fear, Ellie takes the shot straight to the fleeing woman’s head. He does the same with his the moment he sees Brian’s finger move to the trigger whilst pointing to a defenseless kid.

His brain thought he wouldn’t make it in time, that he’d be too slow, his knee protesting the entire time. He surprises himself once he takes a hold of Brian’s gun, pointing it up right as the bullet fires, hitting the school’s door. His fist connects with the boy’s face, taking him down, where he weeps. He holds himself from hurting him anymore.

There’s silence for what feels like an eternity, until those who were hostages barely a minute ago start moving. He points his revolver at the crying assailant, who pleads for his life. 

“No, please, don’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry .” He can feel everyone’s eyes on him, some filled with fear, most of them with relief. “I didn’t want to hurt any of you, I swear. They made me do it. Please forgive me.” He could shoot him and stop his whining, but he wasn’t lying before, he isn’t looking to kill him. He’s a goddamn kid. 

“Get up, kid.” He takes a few shaky breaths as he does what he’s told.

“Joel?” Ellie stands by his side the moment she makes sure everyone is safe. She’s worried about what he’s about to do, he can tell. But he’s already made up his mind, there’s nothing for them to worry about. 

“I told you I wouldn’t hurt you, didn’t I?” Brian keeps crying, although visibly less terrified. “Jonah.” Said man, who kept a protective arm around his five-year-old, straightens the moment he hears his name. “Take the kid and make sure he won’t flee. Just, don’t hurt him, alright?” The man nods while Brian falls to his knees. 

“Thank you so much. Thank you .” He puts his revolver back into its holster, turning to Ellie, who stares at him with pure awe.

“We should go find your friends.” Resolutive as ever, she hands him his rifle, which he left on the ground the moment he took hold of the now dead woman. 

“We’ll go with you.” A group of six adults and four teenagers stand right behind Ellie, armed and ready. He can’t say he isn’t surprised by their offer, just a few hours ago some of them weren’t exactly his biggest fans. “What do you need us to do?”

“Four of you will come with us to help us find Dina and Jesse. We’ll split in groups of two. The other six will go around town making sure there ain’t any more left, help anyone that might need assistance.” Two teenagers and two adults volunteer to find the two kids, leaving as soon as they are given the command. 

“Power suits you, dude. Did you know that?” Ellie comments the moment they are alone. 

“Oh, shut up.” He replies with a smile on his face. 

“I mean, I knew you got a kick out of bossing me around all these years, but I’m starting to think you love it.” She couldn’t be farther from the truth. Ever since he got back to a ‘ simple ’ life - or as close to it as they could get - he’s learned to love being bossed around himself. No responsibilities, no headaches, just do as you are told. 

“I don’t love it, I just have to . It’s a necessity when taking care of you.” She tries to look offended, but he knows her too well. “Besides, it’s not like I’m any good at it. You never listen to a word I say anyway.”

“You wound me, man. I know-“ she stops talking the second he grabs her arm and pulls her down right as a bullet flies through the air. Hastily, he takes her to cover. 

“I’m going to kill this kid if you don’t show your fucking face, you hear me?” From the brief second he could take a look, he saw the man holding a bloodied Jesse. He wasn’t any better though, as he takes a peek, he notices that the man’s nose is most definitely broken.

He knows this guy won’t listen to reason, not like that Brian kid. Problem is, he has a gun to Jesse’s head, and attacking face first is a good way to get him killed. Thankfully, he doesn't have to think too hard as Ellie grabs his rifle from where it was strapped over his shoulder, aims and gets the fucker right on the forehead. 

“You are 3 for 3 on headshots today, kid.” He sees a brief smile grace her face as she lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Yeah. Practice makes perfect, they say.” Without another word, she rushes to her friend’s side, helping him stand up. 

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” He doesn’t look fine. His face is bloodied, he’ll definitely have a black eye and a few nose scars, but other than that? He’s right as rain.

“Let’s get you back with the others, kid.” They follow his lead, letting him take point and make sure no one sneaks up on them. 

“Where’s Dina?” He sounds worried, exactly like they are feeling.

“She distracted some other hunters, just like you. We haven’t found her yet.”

“There are two other scouting parties, if she’s not back with the others, I’m sure someone will find her. Still, we’ll take you back and look for her if she isn’t there.” It’s not like he had any other choice, he isn’t going to rest until they are all accounted for. 

The rest of the way is filled with chatter between the two kids, trying to bring a lighter mood into such a dark day. It works, for the five minute walk - slower because of Jesse’s injuries - their minds focused on something other than the clusterfuck they are living. 

Before they know it though, they have made it back to the group, and to everyone’s relief, Dina comes running their way, tackling both Jesse and Ellie into a hug. 

“Oh God, I was so worried about you two.” He can feel her choking up at the end as she pulls away from their embrace. Not wanting to make him feel left out, it seems, she turns around and pulls him in instead. “You too Big J.” He could berate her for the nickname again , but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment, so he just pulls her close. 

“Same kid, same. Glad you are okay.” Pulling away, he pretends he doesn’t see her rubbing her eyes, so do the other two kids. 

“Well, I’m just glad we helped. Heard you two saved the day.” She doesn’t even wait for them to try and deny it. “Besides, it’s official, there are no more intruders in Jackson.” His body automatically relaxes at the news, happy that it’s all over. 

“That there aren’t, Dina. All thanks to these two sharpshooters.” Tommy’s hand lands on his shoulder, taking him slightly by surprise. “We double checked every house and every other place they might’ve hid. Found some lurking around and they were taken care of. Other than that, there’s no one else.” Jackson is a fairly big town - by apocalypse standards - so he can’t help but be a bit wary.

“You sure you’ve checked everywhere?” His younger brother squeezes his shoulder, trying to reassure him. Something keeps bothering him on the back of his mind though, as if he’s overlooked something he can’t quite place. 

“Yeah, everywhere is secured. There’s only one place we haven’t checked yet, but Jonah, Laurel and Yang are on their way to bring the kid you arrested to the cells. They’ll check it out once they get there.” That’s when the alarms in his head start ringing, and for good reason. 

“ You .” He doesn’t need to turn around to know exactly who it is. “Turn around slowly. No one try anything, I swear I’ll pull the trigger before I die. I’m not letting you go, not again.”

Chapter Text

Here they are, again. Abby versus Joel, again. Surrounded by people, again. Making a public spectacle, again .

He thought the whole ordeal was over. Jackson keeps Abby and her friends prisoners until they decide what to do with them, and in the meantime, he disappears from town, just as he was asked - or more precisely, made - to do. 

This was supposed to be his last good deed for these people. Saving them from hunters before parting ways and probably not seeing them again. He’d say he did it for the good of the people in Jackson, but really it was mostly to keep his brother and kid safe, Maria too, of course. 

He was over it, over everything really. He made his peace. He made up his mind too. First thing he was going to do is try - and fail - to convince Ellie to stay, again . Then he would say his goodbyes, hold his tears, leave and in the vastness of Wyoming he would let himself cry. Not before. 

This, though, changes his plans. With what he gathers is either a gun or a shotgun pointed at him, he can’t exactly just walk away, now, can he? He could definitely try, but he wouldn’t put it over her to not shoot either him or someone else in the process. So he stays put. 

“Drop it!” Countless guns are pointed at Abby, who doesn’t back down. If anything, he can appreciate the resilience of the girl. “All of you, drop it now!” Oh, so the rest of the gang is here, great. 

“Abby, this might not be the best idea.” While they talk it out, he turns around slowly, obeying her previous order. 

“There’s no turning back now, Owen.” She clutches the shotgun so tightly her knuckles are white. 

“Abs, this is insane.” The guy sounds desperate, and truthfully, he feels the same, but he won’t show it at all. 

“Listen to your boyfriend, Abby . You fucked up. You aren’t getting out of here now.” Ellie’s pissed, but not that pissed. He knows her, if she truly was concerned for what’s happening, she would be cursing like a sailor. 

“We have him here, Owen. This pinche pendejo won’t escape us now.” The man with the bun who almost spit in his face barely three days ago, goes to Abby’s defense. 

“Let’s just talk this out, alright? This is crazy, guys.” Owen tries to get closer to Abby, but he stops halfway. 

“If you want to shoot me, shoot me.” Is all he says. Ellie panics, so does Tommy. Abby’s crew is confused and so is the rest of Jackson. Abby, on the other hand, gets either angrier or more frustrated.

“What, you aren’t going to resist?” She tries to taunt him, he won’t fall for it. 

“Not really, no.” He takes his rifle and drops it to the ground before everyone’s expecting eyes.

“They all judge you for what you took from them, the cure . I don’t give a fuck about the vaccine, I give a fuck about what you did to stop it.” He lets her speak. “You killed my father.” He knows. 

“I know.”

“You murdered him. Left me with no one . Killed half of my group. The people I grew up with.” A few tears roll down her cheeks as she speaks. “All to save her.”

“Yes.” He stares at her. He sees her pain, sees all the irreparable damage he’s done to her. “He got in the way to save her. I couldn’t let him do that.” There’s no more explanation, it’s as simple as that. 

“He got in your way ? He was doing his job.”

“So was I.” Her body tenses visibly at his words. “My job was, and still is, to protect her. He was trying to kill her, I just did what I had to.” She takes a few steps forward, Tommy and Ellie try to do it too, he stops them. 

“He didn’t want to kill her. He did all he could to keep her alive, but there was no way for it to work.”

“I have no doubt that he had his best intentions at heart. But that doesn’t really matter, now, does it?” She gets even angrier at that, he stays unfazed. 

“The hell it doesn’t. My dad wasn’t a fucking child murderer.”

“And I didn’t say he was. I’m just saying that intentions don’t matter. His might’ve been saving the world, saving you .” Her face twitches, he keeps going. “Mine were saving a defenseless kid, who also happened to be mine.” Ellie’s eyes travel to his face, he keeps his attention on Abby. “We all have good intentions at heart, some more selfish than others, but good nonetheless.”

“But you killed him. You didn’t have to.” He understands her denial of his reasoning, but he needs her to understand. 

“Of course I had to.” He feels everyone’s judgment falling on him. “He wasn’t going to let go of the only chance he had to secure a better future for his daughter. And I couldn’t either.” That leaves her speechless for a while, digesting his words while trying to come up with something to say. “I know I was selfish. But trust me, if it were the other way around, he would’ve done the same.”

“You don't know that.” Her voice breaks, nothing but a whisper. 

“He was willing to kill her to save you. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t even blink an eye before killing me. And I don’t blame him for it.” Her hold on the shotgun lessens each second, finally letting it drop to the ground. Owen rushes to her side, her other friends right behind, although none of them take their fingers off the triggers. 

“I can’t-“ she’s still got a big turmoil inside her head, everyone can tell. She brought her friends all the way to Jackson to kill him, to get revenge on her father, but maybe, she isn’t willing to go for it anymore. Truly, there’s a slim chance for her not to change her mind later on, letting them go is a huge risk, but it’s one he’s willing to take. 

“Drop your weapons.” He says to Tommy and Ellie, extending the order to the rest of the citizens. It takes a few moments, but almost all of them obey. Everyone but Ellie. “Kiddo, drop it.”

“They might shoot.” Hard headed as always. 

“They won’t. Come on.” His hand lands on her forearm. 

“She- she almost killed you. How can you-“ she can’t even finish her sentence. 

“She had every right to do what she did.” If looks could kill, he’d be torn into pieces on the ground. “She let us go when she didn’t have to. I think it’s time we return the favor, isn’t it?” She glances at him, closing her eyes and dropping the gun on the ground. “Thank you.” She huffs, still not convinced it’s a good idea. “Go. All of you. Just leave.” No one in Jackson complains, why would they?

“You won’t see us again, I promise.” Owen says as he helps Abby stand up, the rest of them warily walking away.

“I will never forgive you for what you did, Joel Miller.” She doesn’t even turn around, holding her weight on Owen’s shoulders. “But I guess we’ll both have to live with the guilt.”

“I guess we will.” He thinks he sees a slight nod coming from her before they continue their march out of Jackson. He won’t lose any good night’s sleep about it though, there are more important things going on in his life. At least there’s one less problem to worry about.

Chapter Text

She still can’t believe he let them go so easily. After all they’ve done to him, to them , he just sets them free. The same woman who made him have a permanent limp, the same girl that almost beat him to death. That one . 

She’s not good at forgiveness, that’s something she knows about herself. It took two whole years and a really close to death experience for her to forgive Joel. She just can’t find it in her to forgive her after only a few days, not Abby . 

She understands her reasons, she won’t deny that. If it was her in Abby’s position, she probably - one hundred per cent, actually - would’ve done the same. Would she’ve just walked away without completing her mission? She doesn’t think so, she probably would’ve died before letting Joel’s killer walk free. 

In hindsight, she’s contradicting herself, but it doesn’t take the frustration away. It doesn’t get rid of the fact that she might just come back. That’s what she would do, why would Abby be any different?

It’s not like there’s anything for her to do, not anymore at least. She and her little crew are gone, and in the meantime, Joel and her are packing their bags. 

Repacking more specifically, because according to Joel, one change of clothes just isn’t enough. As if they hadn’t survived without one for almost a year before. 

It’s frustrating how normal he is about all of this. Because apart from the long-ass speech he tried to give her again about staying in Jackson without him - which she tuned out at least half of - he hasn’t commented on the unfairness of it all. 

They are supposed to leave town, or rather,  he ’s supposed to leave town - she’s just tagging along - for something these people weren’t even a part of. It’s a load of bullshit, is what it is. Even after saving their asses, no one’s come to them begging for forgiveness, telling them how sorry they are for the part they took in the decision to kick him out. They haven’t even said thank you . Ungrateful fucks. 

Joel’s an extremely valuable citizen, they both are truthfully. They are the best shots out of all of them, and of course, the best team on patrol, but none of it seems to matter. 

She knows how important Jackson is to Joel. Not the town per se, but the feeling of normalcy. Having a house, or rather, a home , neighbors, his brother, his sister-in-law, - no matter their rocky relationship - his soon to be born nephew or niece… All of it, gone in an instance. 

It isn’t fair, just like almost everything else they’ve been through. She grasps the first traces of a real family, she finds out Joel’s lies and everything goes to shit. She tries to forgive him, he almost dies, she decides to put their differences aside and then they get kicked out. Bullshit, all of it. 

“Make sure to grab the matches and lighters. I still get nightmares about how difficult it is to make fire without those.” Here he is, completely unbothered by any of it. 

She gets angry at him - for good reason - and decides to not speak to him ever again? Sure, you have the right to be mad. The town gets angry for a failed vaccine that they didn’t even know about before and they decide to make him leave? Sure , you have the right to do that. It’s frustrating. 

“Yeah, I’ve got them in my bag.” And then, there she is, sulking on a chair, watching him make sure they’ve got all they need before they have to say goodbye to the only home she’s ever had. 

“I think that’s all then.” His tone changes, and she finally detects the faintest feeling of sadness in his voice. 

“This shit is a bunch of fucking bullshit, you know that, right?” He frowns, not really following her train of thought - a weird occurrence, really. 

“What, matches? I’m not doing-“ He’s so clueless sometimes that it amazes her how clever he actually is. 

“Us leaving.” His expression changes just then, sitting down on the chair next to hers. “I thought our ‘ heroic act of braveness and selfishness ’ would grant us, at least, a new trial. At least. ” He has the gall to laugh at her. 

“What? You thought they’d just forget what I took from them just because we killed a few intruders? That’s not how this world works, kid.” He tries to come out nonchalant, but she can see through him. She feels how much this is affecting him. 

“Well, it should be like that.”

“Think about it this way, kid. We saved them today . That vaccine would’ve saved them for far far longer.” She stays quiet and he feels the need to add. “If it ever actually worked, which is something I’m not even going to get into.” 

“Yeah, better not.” They sit in complete silence, the only clock in the house ticking in the distance. “I’m going to miss this place.”

“You don’t have to miss it.” He just doesn’t give up, does he?

“Don’t start with this shit again, Joel. I’m going with you , there’s no more arguing about it.” The soft smile on his face throws her away, why is he amused? What is he amused about ?

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Oh, great. “I’ve had enough arguing for a lifetime.” Yeah, especially since it isn’t their strong suit. “I was going to say that we’ll find another home. Make some new memories. In a couple of years, you won’t even remember this place.” She highly doubts that, but appreciates his sentiment nonetheless. 

“That was corny as hell, old man.” That gets a chuckle out of both of them. “And I want to believe you, I really do, but there’s just too much in here to forget about.”

“You could try and carry your posters with you, but I don’t know what state they’ll be in once we get where we’re supposed to go.” Once again, clueless. 

“I meant Jackson, not the house.” His playful smile disappears, she guesses he was teasing her, not so clueless after all. “Do you think we’ll ever get to meet Tommy’s kid?”

“He’ll make sure of it, don’t worry. He isn’t going to let his kid grow up without meeting their uncle and cousin.” Her heart stops beating a fraction of a second at his words. He doesn’t even seem to notice the importance of their meaning. “I’ll make sure to keep contact with him, don’t worry.” He seems to confuse her look of surprise by his words with worry about the possibility of that not being true. 

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” Is all she can muster before he stands up. 

“Alright, grab your stuff. It’s time to say goodbye properly.” He sounds resigned, she knows he isn’t great with goodbyes, and truthfully, neither is she. She hasn’t left anyone she cared about before, everyone left her , not the other way around. And they always died, so it’s not like there’s something for her to take inspiration from. 

In short, it’s going to fucking suck.

…………………

“You really can’t stay? There’s got to be another way to convince them.” He’s touched by the concern Dina has for Ellie, the girls definitely have a crush on each other, which makes her leaving Jackson that much more awful. Something else for him to be guilty about. 

“Doesn’t look like there is.” He leaves them to it, knowing that him being there will make the situation even more awkward. 

“I’ll be inside, gotta talk to Tommy before we leave.” She just gives him a slight nod before going back to their conversation.

He knows how this is going to go. He can clearly picture Tommy holding back tears as he tries to convince him once again that he’ll try and change everyone’s mind. That after saving their asses, they’ll be more prone to forgive him.

Tommy reminds him of Ellie in a way. When they are determined on something, no matter how much of a lost cause it is, they don’t give up. For them, there’s still hope. Somewhere, deep inside everyone, they believe there’s still a ray of forgiveness.

He’s nothing like that. They want him gone, then he’s gone, simple as that. They were all here before he was, who is he to deny what was voted and approved by the majority of them? If they think he’s a danger to their little society, then he’ll do his best to prove them wrong, and the only way to do that is to follow the rules.

Now, he’s never been too good at that. He was a smuggler after all, but that was when he was under the rule of fascist sons of bitches that wanted nothing more than to exploit him. Here, though, he can’t find it in him to disobey, not after the five years of bliss they’ve given both Ellie and him.

“Well, little brother, I guess this is it.” He finds him and Maria glued to a map of the surrounding areas of Jackson. “What’s going on? Did that Brian kid tell you if there were more hunters in the area?” Tommy’s the first to sit on a chair and motion for him to do the same. He definitely finds it weird, but doesn’t comment on it.

“No, he gave us all the information, and it’s already taken care of.” He frowns, not following.

“What’s this for then?” Maria and Tommy share a look, making him feel a bit left out of the loop.

“They haven’t changed their minds.” His younger brother confesses, he doesn’t even react, it isn’t like he wasn’t expecting it. “Not about you staying here, at least.” Now, that gets his attention. “They really appreciate all you and Ellie have done for this town, so we’ve come to an agreement.” The smile on Tommy’s face is hard to miss. “You can come visit as many times as you like, but they’ve drawn the line at you staying here full time. Now, when I went on patrol a few months back, I came across a place you’d love to stay in.” Standing up, his younger brother motions for him to get closer. “It’s barely thirty or forty minutes away on horseback. It’s surrounded by fields, in pretty good condition, and the best part? It’s a farm, with its own barn and everything.” Tommy’s happiness is contagious.

It sounds great, too good to be true, even. A farm? Where he can raise sheep and fulfill his dream alongside Ellie? They’ll be able to live on their own terms, together, but still close enough to come visit Jackson as much as they want? Now, how had he not thought of that before?

“I just came back from scouting the surrounding areas, it’s still clear, so there shouldn’t be a problem. There’s some basic furniture, enough to get both of you started. Still, we’ll bring some more alongside some supplies at least twice a week until you get settled in.” 

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. He came to say goodbye to his brother - probably for the last time - convinced that at almost sixty years of age, he’d have to fight not only for his own survival, but for his kid’s as well. And here Tommy is, giving him the best news he’s ever heard. He feels his knees going weak, so not wanting to alert them, he sits down as subtly as possible.

“Now, Beatrice, the woman running the greenhouse, remember?” His younger brother stares at him, waiting for an answer. Truthfully, he has no idea who this Beatrice is, but for the sake of finishing this conversation as soon as possible and take a few minutes - hopefully alone - to compose himself, he nods. “Alright, so she agreed to set aside some seeds for you to start your own garden. Tomatoes, carrots… anything you can imagine. Also, Nona, the butcher, is also willing to give you weekly rations of meat, free of charge, until you get settled in. You can trade for it afterwards.” His head spins, trying to digest everything the younger man is throwing his way.

“Why?” Is all he can get out, making Tommy stop his train of thought and stare at him.

“Why what?” He’s confused, he can tell. But if he’s being honest, there’s no one more confused than him right now.

“Why would they agree to help us?”

“Not everyone is out to get you, Joel. There’s people out there that not only are grateful for all you’ve done, but that understand the reasoning behind your actions.” As Tommy sits down, Maria walks away to the kitchen with the excuse of making them some coffee. “You need to remember that almost half of Jackson voted for you to stay, and after what you both did yesterday, their support for you has grown even stronger. Hell -” he scoffs “- even a large portion of those against you staying here came and told us that they could slightly set aside their anger and grant you regular visitor access to the city.” He just stays motionless, listening to every single word his brother is saying, only moving once Tommy places his hand on his knee. “I know how difficult Jackson will be. I know how much you appreciate the security it gives you to keep Ellie here, but this is a new beginning for you two. She’s welcome here any time, so are you, you know that. She’ll be able to keep seeing her friends and both of you will get to meet little Rosie or Nathan.” He catches a slight redness in his brother’s eyes, but he doesn’t comment on it, he doubts his own are any better. “Think about it, it’ll be like living in the suburbs again. Remember how long it took you to take Sarah to school?” Tommy chuckles, he can only muster a soft but truthful smile. “You’ll have a great life, trust me.” And trust him he does.

“I don’t know what to say, Tommy.” The break in his voice gives him away, trying extremely hard to keep his tears away. “The last thing I wanted was to drag that kid all throughout the country again looking for a place to stay.” His brother leans back on his chair, releasing the hold on his knee. “You have no idea how much this means to me, little brother. Thank you.” His breaking point is when he sees the younger man start to cry, silent tears running down his own face. “ Thank you .” Not wanting to hold on any longer, he stands up and pulls Tommy into an embrace. “I just want you to know that you might’ve just saved my life with this.” He whispers, pressing him closer to his chest. “She’ll be really happy, and there’s nothing that I appreciate more than that.” For the first time since they were teenagers, he grabs his brother’s face with both his hands and places a soft kiss on the crown of his head, getting a soft chuckle out of him.

“There’s nothing to thank me for, big brother.” As both of them try to clean any remnant of tears from their faces, the front door opens up, a crestfallen Ellie walking in, her features changing to worry once he sees the state of both brothers.

“Is everything okay?” As quickly as it came, the worry gets replaced by confusion once he gives her the biggest smile she’s ever seen. “What’s going on?”

“Tommy’s found us a new home.” He lets his words sink in before continuing. “A farm only forty minutes away from here.”

“Are you fucking for real?” She’s confused, that’s for sure, but he can see the happiness taking over.

“Yeah, honey. I couldn’t let you get too far from us now, could I? The town still didn’t exactly agree to let you stay, but there was a consensus and you and your old man are welcome here any time.” She’s frozen in place for a few seconds before she bolts towards Tommy, hugging him as fiercely as her slim body allows her - he reminds himself to feed her more -  before doing the same to him, the only difference being the patch of tears left on his shirt once she moves away. “I have to tell Dina and Jesse, I’ll be right back.” There’s a spring in her step he hasn’t seen in ages, and something in his chest starts to grow, warm and fuzzy.

‘ Yeah .’ He thinks fondly. “ We’ll be okay .’