Work Text:
“Daiba Nana-san... to reclaim your "Starlight," all you need to do is input the launch codes.... will you do it?”
She doesn’t need to think twice- ever since she stole those launch codes this was all she could dream of: her precious Starlight, returned to her.
“I understand.” The giraffe knows her countless sins, yet its purpose is not to pass judgement. Nana walks over to the keyboard, ready and willing to reclaim her Starlight, her power, again; but she’s interrupted by unintelligible screaming. Nana turns just in time to see Junna, her beloved, kick down the massive iron doors.
“NANA! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS! WE’LL BE OKAY NANA, YOU DON'T NEED THOSE LAUNCH CODES WHEN YOU HAVE ME! I CAN CHANGE YOU FOR THE BETTER IF YOU JUST LET ME IN!” Junna pleads, and Nana has no doubt that Junna could change her, but Nana can’t let herself change and let others leave her stage. No. That won’t do.
“I DID IT FOR US! I’m sorry Jun, but I must have my Starlight again!” Tears are cascading down her face in waves of three. She can’t even entertain the thought of looking her other half in the eyes after this.
As much pain as it causes her, she ignores the agony of her beloved and inputs the first two characters. Only six more until she truly reclaims her destiny.
Then, another set of iron doors are kicked in by none other than Karen and Hikari. There’s no doubt that they’ve come to stop Nana, but given that she has nuclear launch codes, she doesn’t really care.
“GIVE IT UP NANA! OUR GAYER LAUNCH CODES PUTS YOURS TO SHAME!” Karen shouts.
Nana sputters in response. “WHAT? HOW COULD YOU BOTH-“
“Acquire the codes?” Hikari interrupts. “My time in London has served me well as a stage girl. Before I came here to Seisho I stole all of the launch codes from the EU!”
Junna finally breaks from her stupor in the background. “England left the European Union in 2020?” She questions, but does not receive an answer as everyone else is more concerned with the nuclear weapons at play.
“AND I STOLE HIKARI’S NUKES THAT WERE STORED AT THE AQUARIUM SO SHE CAN'T SKIP DATE NIGHT ANYMORE!” Karen proudly announces and Hikari pouts at the reminder. “ITS OVER BANANA-NICE! PUT THE FUCKING NUKES DOWN!”
Karen and Hikari match Nana’s dual-wielding prowess with their gay sword coordination, buying just enough time for more of the 99th Class to arrive.
“CONNASSE! MERDE! DUCON!” and various other French swears a normal japanese-speaking person wouldn’t know gathers the attention of the fighting sapphics. Saijou Claudine breaks in through a window on the wall opposing from the broken down doors, ready to join the brawl with her own nukes imported right from France!
“EVERYBODY KNOWS FRANCE’S NUKES ARE SIMPLY SUPERIOR, SO EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She entitledly walks up to the gamerpad to input her own codes when suddenly the unthinkable happens.
Before Nana or any of the other girls can react, the shining star of the 99th Class Tendou Maya falls in through the ceiling that has apparently turned to glass under the stress of battle!
“In your arrogance you all failed to consider who possessed the nuclear weapons of Tokyo!” Maya screeches and reaches into a pocket on her skirt. “SEE! THIS IS MY PRIDE!” She pulls out a Glock that she had named Pride because she is gay and likes violence. “THIS IS TENGUN MAYA!” She roars victoriously!
Claudine is furious at being bested by her detested rival again, but resigns herself to get more nuclear codes with Daddy’s money later. She’s definitely not taking Maya back to Olive Garden for dinner after this display either, but that’s a separate issue.
Meanwhile, the holy trinity of fruits had gone back to fighting despite the kuromaya plot line happening around them. Karen and Hikari perform something Nana will never be able to replicate: the sashanne dance scene. Nana is defeated instantly, though she put up a valiant effort.
Karen sighs a breath of relief, “Wow Hikari! I’m glad that this is all over and we can put our launch codes bac-“ she checks her pocket to find nothing and casts a glance to her codes in Hikari’s hands. “Oh Hikari-chan you found my codes, thanks!” Karen makes grabby hands for her codes but Hikari solemnly shakes her head. She bolts out one of the six previously busted doorways (take your pick) and is never seen again. Karen mourns the loss of her soulmate and her nuclear launch codes (mostly her stolen launch codes), but promises to find Hikari and bring her home. It’s not like she doesn’t do this every episode anyway. It’s not going to be hard.
Its six months later that Karen spots her by a Mr. White cosplayer and chases her into an abandoned section of the aquarium.
“You can’t stay here Karen! It’s too dangerous! You have to leave me and the codes alone!” Hikari pleads.
Karen stands firm in her decision. “Hikari, I’m not leaving you! Or my codes! But mostly you!” She lies about that last part but the point still stands. There’s loud knocking at the door and suddenly in bursts the PSIA come to collect Hikari for her gay warcrimes, which aren’t real crimes.
Karen and Hikari hold hands and are prepared to surrender themselves to the authorities but before the agents can take another step forward, they are nuked Hokkaido-style by our beloved best girl Mahiru who is sick of her idiot girlfriends.
“We’re going the fuck home. Hikari get your Mr. White bag. Karen, get your sword.” Mahiru announces and the starbound duo doesn’t question her because she’s the only one who possesses a braincell.
And so, the polyamorous trio lives happily ever after, until Hikari runs away again (but that’s an easy fix). Claudine and Maya reconcile over an Olive Garden date that Maya pays for and then they make out like gal pal rivals do. Junna goes on to pursue a university education and obtain a dual PhD in Gay Theatre and Stage Mechanics. She also earned an honorary degree in fixing Daiba Nana, who calmed down after learning to stress bake instead of stress nuke or gaslight, girlboss, and gatekeep. Futaba’s girlfriend casually flaunts her Kyoto launch codes on the daily, which causes them to be promptly taken away from her by Futaba. Futaba receives federal compensation for her endeavors.
And everyone is truly happy this time, except now Nana has run out of ingredients to stress bake with and is succumbing to her previously held homicidal ideation.