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Kakashi sits at the edge of the river, nose in a book. He’s stripped his sandals off, and his bare feet are dangling in the cool water as he reads. Just across the riverbank, Rin and Obito are horsing around, splashing each other and shrieking, their chatter echoing in the background while Kakashi forces his attention back to his book.
They’re all thirteen this summer, and Kakashi has started noticing things about Obito and Rin that he hasn’t before: how they’re always looking after each other, no matter what happens. Kakashi sometimes feels like a third wheel, both on missions and on nights like tonight, where Rin and Obito frolic and splash, letting the water soak their clothes and making the fabric cling to their bodies.
That’s another thing Kakashi has started noticing: Rin’s budding breasts and hips, Obito’s back growing broad. Their bodies are changing, just like his.
Kakashi crosses his arms over his chest. He’s not just imagining it: he’s starting to grow tits. He’d thought with regular training he could keep them from sprouting, but it looks like he was wrong. He’s already been cursed with the wrong body, but puberty promises the curse will get worse.
Even worse, today was too hot to wear a bra, and Kakashi’s nipples are starting to chafe. That’s another new thing, a problem Kakashi didn’t have to worry about when he was still flat as a board.
He puts down his book and sighs, giving up on trying to avoid looking at his friends. Kakashi’s heart tugs: he wishes he could get wet with them, but they’d see the changes in his body, and they’d know. Kakashi keeps a lot of secrets, but this one is the one he keeps the closest. Not even Rin and Obito, his teammates and the closest people Kakashi has to friends, can know this about him.
Rin notices him first. Her skirt is stuck to her legs, her hair slicked back from her forehead. “Kakashi, are you going to join us?”
Kakashi shakes his head.
Obito pops up from underwater. He’s shed his Uchiha jacket and stands in the river bare-chested, wearing nothing but his goggles and his shorts. “C’mon, the water’s cool.”
The water does feel good against his feet, but still, Kakashi can’t risk it. “I’m just going to read.”
“You haven’t been reading for the last 30 minutes,” Obito complains. “Get in the river and play with us!”
“We’re thirteen,” Kakashi answers. “We’re too old to play.”
“We’re not on a mission, Kakashi,” Rin reminds him. “We can have fun for a bit.”
Fun? When was the last time Kakashi did something for fun? Even the book he’s reading is about how to be a better shinobi. He considers...
And is pulled from his consideration by Obito, who splashes him with both hands. Luckily the water only reaches to Kakashi’s knees, not his chest.
“That’s it, I’m going to make you regret that,” Kakashi says, diving in, thinking only of his need to show Obito up, and not about the fact that puberty has changed his body.
When he surfaces, Rin and Obito are staring at him. Kakashi realizes why a second too late, and crosses his arms across his chest to hide his recent growth spurt.
Obito breaks the silence first. “Kakashi... you’re a girl?”
“I’m a boy,” he bites out. “I always have been.”
It’s the truth. As long as Kakashi’s been alive, he’s been a boy. Sakumo hadn’t raised any objections when his daughter had chosen to wear boy’s clothes and cut her unruly hair short. He’d even been the one to start calling Kakashi his son when he’d turned three, and Kakashi had been a boy ever since.
He’s never questioned it. No one else has. Not until now and his body’s betrayal.
Obito’s eyes are squeezed shut and he’s holding onto his head. He looks like he’s really trying to understand something. Rin’s expression is placid, accepting. “It’s OK, Kakashi. We won’t tell anyone.”
“You’re still our bro, bro,” Obito says. He looks a little less perplexed, as though he has started to make sense of the situation. Still he doesn’t question Kakashi’s masculinity, for which Kakashi is grateful. Obito might not always understand what’s going on, but when in doubt, he usually chooses to do the kind thing.
So does Rin. Luckily, in this situation, the right thing and the kind thing are close enough that Kakashi’s anxiety eases. He loosens his arms from around his chest.
“You’ll swim with us?” Rin asks.
And Kakashi does. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt so free. Maybe it’s OK to share your secrets sometimes. Maybe he doesn’t have to go through life alone. Maybe this is what it’s like to have friends.
They stay out until past dusk, until the river and the sky are the same endless black, sprinkled with stars. The riverbank is thick with fireflies, which Kakashi mistakes for shooting stars. He wishes anyway--wishes no matter which secrets he reveals, Rin and Obito stay by his side.